


Hello Sargent (Bucky Barnes)

by Rogerthatbarnes



Series: Hello [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Best Friends, Bromance to Romance, F/M, M/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-27 12:53:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 202,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14425827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogerthatbarnes/pseuds/Rogerthatbarnes
Summary: Book 2 of the Hello Series - Avengers FanfictionFOUND: Assassin with metal arm, answers to the name of Winter. Tall, dark, and handsome, has slight memory issues.Not completely canon - this takes place after The Avengers but before Age of Ultron (not quite AU but Winter Soldier doesn't happen!)Warning: Sexual content, adult language





	1. Who the Hell is Bucky?

August 2012  
Sarah's POV

It was a beautiful late summer day outside and I was going to have to spend it on a plane. I'm Agent Sarah Evans of Shield, and my partner on this mission was none other than the Black Widow, Natasha Romanoff. We were going to France first and then Kiev for another deep cover mission as ballet dancers from the Kiev Ballet Troupe that routinely performed for the Siberian heads of the Ten Rings. We needed to identify those men and tag them for cleanup after we'd exited stage left, covers intact preferably.

As the days went on, August giving way to September, we fell into the routine of the dance company, solidifying our covers. During our second to last week in Kiev, Natasha and I noticed a man watching us whenever we were out in the streets. He had long, shaggy, chestnut brown hair and at least a week's beard growth. He was solidly built, but not bulky.

We weren't sure who he was watching, but we assumed it was Natasha, since she had a history here. I was a relative newcomer, so there wasn't really any reason for me to draw his attention. I'd sometimes get a good look at him in the reflection from a window or a polished metal surface, but he seemed to always know when I tried to look at him directly and maneuvered so I couldn't see him well enough to identify him.

The strangest thing about our shadow was that he seemed familiar to me somehow - I just couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't get the feeling he meant us harm; he came to watch us dance almost every day, observing us from the dark rafters of the playhouse. I wouldn't have even noticed him right away if a stray glint of light off something metallic hadn't caught my eye during practice one day. After that, it was easier to pick him out of the shadows. 

*                  *

I decided to engineer a meeting with him, curious about his intentions. To my frustration, it took two more days of me pretending to not notice my watcher before luck was on my side. Today after rehearsal I changed up my routine and walked a different way back to our flat. I changed course rapidly in the crowd so that instead of following, he'd pass me on the street. As we met, I reached out and put my arms around his neck, leaning up to give him a kiss on both stubbled cheeks before kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Jace, what are you doing here? I thought you wouldn't be back for another week!" I said in rapid French. The man froze, clearly not expecting me to touch him in that way. He didn't back away or strike out, both responses I'd anticipated.

As he stared at me, I realized that his eyes were a familiar shade of cerulean that I knew as well as my own. The color of the shaggy chestnut hair that fell across his face, partially hiding his features from my view was also familiar. I'd said Jace's name because it was the first one to came to mind, but perhaps my mind had really been telling me something.

 

*        *         *

James' POV

 

The feel of her soft lips pressed to mine jolted me, letting a strong sense of deja vu grip me. I'd expected a knife to the ribs, not a kiss on the lips. No one ever dared to touch me like I was human – until now.   

"I'm sorry; you're mistaken, miss. I'm not who you think I am." My voice was slightly rusty with disuse, and it had been a while since I'd used French.

I knew I should let go of her, but I didn't want to – not yet. If that was how she greeted him, I wanted to be whoever she thought I was for a little bit longer. The woman in my arms boldly reached up to move my hair out of my face, studying me closely. She felt the planes of my jaw under the dark beard, holding my eyes with her own golden brown ones before her face fell with disappointment. I felt a strange pang in my chest, knowing I was responsible for that sadness.  

"So I see now. I'm sorry for bothering you; you just look very much like my friend from back home in the States. I'm here to perform with the Kiev Ballet company, you see."

"You dance very well," I observed quietly. "I like to watch you sometimes."

I knew she'd seen me watching her at practice and in the streets. Something about her had caught my eye, and I'd found myself near the theater more often than was wise, hoping to catch a glimpse of her in the streets. I carefully removed her small, delicate hands from my face and neck, holding them in my own large, rough ones. As always, I wore a leather glove on my left hand to hide the metal, but the right hand was bare. Her skin was so soft, I didn't want to stop touching her.

"I thought you looked familiar," she said with a soft smile. "You must like ballet a lot to come every day to watch us." I nodded as she continued. "What do you think of the show so far? It will be awhile yet before we perform it. Have you see my friend, Natalia, dance? She's the redhead."

I had indeed noticed the redhead from my vantage point. She was a beautiful woman and I was drawn to her, but not as strongly as I was drawn to this woman standing before me. "She's an excellent dancer. I look forward to seeing the upcoming show."

We'd been too long on the open streets, I needed to get out of sight before the streets became deserted and I started to draw attention I'd rather avoid. I started to edge away from her, but she tightened her hold on my hands, looking up at me through long, dark eyelashes.

"Won't you come have a cup of coffee with me? I'd like to talk with you more."

I blinked at her, momentarily entranced, but wanting to spend more time with her. "I'd like that," I blurted out, then shook my head, clearing it. It wouldn't be wise for me to be alone with her; it would draw interest to her simply because I didn't ignore her like every other woman I met. I decided to give her one more chance to leave, knowing how time consuming being a professional dancer was. "I really shouldn't impose on you; you have so little time to yourself."

"I'd really like to stay with you for a while longer tonight." She smiled widely at me and touched my forearm gently. "What should I call you?"

"James," I decided before I could change my mind. I didn't want to be called Winter - not by her; not tonight. It was a name I vaguely remembered anymore and I wasn't even certain it was even really mine. "You can call me James."

"Nice to meet you, James. I'm Sarah."

I looked at her closely, knowing that wasn't really her name but unable to recall it. The last wipe they'd done was starting to weaken enough that I was remembering again. While she seemed so familiar to me, I couldn't remember what her name really was - I just knew _Sarah_ wasn't it.

 

*            *             *

 

Sarah's POV

I stepped closer to James, taking his right arm the way that Steve preferred. He was more muscular than I'd thought even under the several layers he was wearing. There was something familiar about him, and it wasn't just his physical resemblance to Jace - he was older, more reserved...and a little more...broken.  I was going to figure this out somehow; I just needed to get him talking.

We passed a newspaper stand on our way to the restaurant and the Cyrillic headline was about Captain America, a large photo taking up most of the front page. It was serendipitous, but it also made me miss Steve even more. "Have you read the paper today?" I asked James, buying a copy and showing the front page to him. He studied the picture with a slight frown.

"No, I don't usually read the paper." He pointed at the photo of Steve. "Who's the man in the picture?"

"That's Captain America - otherwise known as Steve Rogers. He's a great guy, a superhero. You've never heard of him?" I asked, studying James' profile. A thought came to me, and while I knew it was a long shot - stranger things had happened in my life.

"Steve Rogers?" He said it like he'd heard the name before but didn't recognize it, so I pressed on, positive he was who I thought he was.

"Yes. He's from Brooklyn, New York. Back in the United States. You knew him a long time ago, when you were younger."

"No, I don't know him," James said reflexively, his tone uncertain. I couldn't be sure but I thought I even picked up a trace of _fear_ in his voice.

"You're from Brooklyn, too, James; you've been away for a long time." I made the statements come out as matter-of-factly as I could, unsure of the reaction I'd get. On one hand, he exuded a dangerous, don't mess with me vibe and on the other, he reminded me of a lost, kicked puppy.

"No. I'm from Moscow."

"No, James, you're not," I murmured, seeing him flinch when I raised one hand to brush his long hair back out of his face. "Have you forgotten everything or did you somehow lose your memory?"

He searched my face intently, seeming distressed for some reason. "I don't know - both? Have we met before?"

"No, but you knew Peggy Carter a long time ago."

The name meant something to him, and his eyes widened. "Peggy Carter," he drew out the name, saying it like a prayer. He moved fast, raising a hand to my chin and tipping my face up so he could see it better in the fading light. The sun hadn't set yet, but the light disappeared quickly here at the end of the day. The sidewalks were almost bare now, and we were alone for the moment.

"Bucky?" I breathed quietly, not daring to believe it. I covered his hand with mine, squeezing it lightly.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he said in English as he dropped his hand from my face and turned to walk away from me. I instantly put myself in his path again, recklessly moving at a superhuman pace to keep him from leaving. I took his ungloved hand in both of mine and switched back to English.

I stared into familiar cerulean eyes as I talked. " _You_ are Bucky. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes and you're from Brooklyn, New York in the United States of America. Steve Rogers was your best friend when you were kids; he always called you Bucky. Don't you remember?"

"I don't remember any of that." He shook his head violently, the denial coming too quickly for it to be the truth. He started walking again and I fell in beside him.

"What do you remember?" I asked curiously.

He gave me a sidelong glance. " _You_."

"What about me?"

"I remember you wearing a red dress, heels, lipstick. I asked you to dance and you turned me down flat. It was like you never even saw me."

"During the war?" He nodded. "Bucky? Can I call you that or would you prefer I called you James?"

He thought that through for a long moment. "You can call me Bucky. Are you sure that's really my name?"

"Is there somewhere we can go to talk?" I asked, not wanting to try and get him to remember who he was in the middle of a street.

"This way. We can go to a safe house." He turned down an alley and I held onto his hand as he led us through a maze of interconnected back alleys.

"Are we being watched?" I asked, trying to read his body language. He didn't do anything to evade pursuit, marching relentlessly forward,

"Not that I've seen; they don't know I'm in Kiev. I'm on a mission, but I have a day yet before I have to report in again. I saw you on the street near the studio, but I wasn't sure it was you."

I knew he still had me confused with Peggy in his mind, but I needed to keep him talking until I decided if I really could trust him or not. They'd done something to him that'd either altered his memories or erased them somewhat to be able to control him easier. While the US didn't practice mind control, it wasn't unheard of in other less-than-savory organizations.

"How is it that you're alive, Bucky? Everyone thought you died back in 1945."

"I'm not sure; I don't remember yet."

"Oh," I smiled up at him and after a moment, he returned it - if you could call that baring of teeth a smile.  After a couple of minutes, he stopped in front of a run down multi-unit apartment building that felt abandoned. I cautiously followed him up seven flights of stairs, not sure if I was going to be walking into a trap or if Bucky was on his own.

It turned out he was on his own; there was no sign of anyone else. There wasn't even a sign that anyone even lived here; nothing about this flat made me think it was occupied. Bucky closed and locked the door behind us and led me over to a dingy couch. He took off his jacket and sat down next to me, eyes drinking me in like he couldn't get enough of me. I pulled out my phone and tapped at it, checking for bugs and surveillance - not finding anything - before bringing up a couple of old pictures of Bucky from the 40's.

"That's you, Bucky," I said as I handed him my phone and he looked at it, confused.

I swiped to another picture of him and Steve laughing together and I lost him for a long while as he stared at the old photo. I swiped to one of Peggy Carter and his expression was hard to read. While I knew that Steve had loved Peggy, I hadn't realized that Bucky had loved her, too. He looked up from the picture to me, several times, clearly confused.

"I'm not Peggy, Bucky. I know I look like her, but I'm Sarah." I took my phone back from him before it fell from his lax fingers before bringing his hand up to my face and laying it on my cheek. "I'm not a memory, Bucky; I'm really here." He didn't move for a long moment, finally stroking my cheek gently with his thumb, brushing my hair back behind my shoulders. He leaned in to kiss me, pulling me onto his lap.

 


	2. Come home

Bucky's POV

"Sarah," I whispered, testing the name on my lips as I broke the kiss. My mind was getting jumbled, feelings and memories fighting for my attention as I placed one finger under her chin so she'd look up at me. "You shouldn't be here with me. It's not safe for you."

"Why, Bucky?" She reached her hand out to touch my arm and I involuntarily flinched at the sudden movement. She stopped, then slowly continued to reach for me as I watched her touching me, her fingers gentle.

"Because I don't trust myself right now; I could hurt you."

"I don't think that you would hurt me, Bucky. Who would make you?"

I took the glove off my left hand and showed it to her. "Hydra. They're the people who did this. They can make me comply; all they have to do is say the right words."

 She slid her hand down my arm to touch the cool metal. She'd realized it was more than just a prosthetic hand and pushed my sleeve up. I don't know what reaction I'd expected, but curiosity wasn't it. This woman was nothing like any other I'd known.

"Can you feel me touching you?" She asked quietly, her eyes meeting mine. I nodded as she caressed the exposed metal. "Can I see all of it?"

I huffed out a deep breath, but pulled my shirt off, standing up so she could see all of it. I watched her face, holding still as she stood up and approached me, running her fingers lightly up over the whole length of my arm, from forearm to shoulder. She traced the red star there before coming up behind me to see where the metal met skin.

She touched my skin gently, brushing her fingertips one by one over the permanent scars that littered my body. As she came around in front of me, slowly trailing her fingers over the ridge of scar tissue where skin met metal, I closed my eyes, ashamed of my many scars and not wanting to see pity on her beautiful face.

I breathed shallowly, my muscles locked to keep from touching her just yet. After all this time, I'd forgotten that another human's touch could feel good. I didn't remember the last time I'd been touched in a way that wasn't meant to inflict pain. She stroked the side of my face and I opened my eyes to see her looking at me with sadness in her eyes.

"Bucky, you can look at me," she said quietly. "I'm sorry if I hurt you; I tried to be gentle."

I reached out and pulled her tight to my chest, resting my head on hers. I breathed in her light scent, not quite the scent I remembered but still intoxicating. I wasn't prepared for the affect she had on me - I _wanted_ her so badly.

"You didn't hurt me, Peggy. It's just... I never expected to see you again...to have you touch me like that again," I explained, my voice was rough with need. "I can't believe you're really here. I missed you so much, Peggy. So damn much." 

"It's okay, Bucky. I'm here now; sorry I took so long," she said as she placed her hand over my heart, and I knew she could feel it racing.

I covered her hand with my own and looked down at her, studying her golden brown eyes before I suddenly leaned down and kissed her, tentatively at first, then more confidently as she responded, her soft lips moving with mine. As we kissed, her hands slid over my bare arms and torso. Everywhere she touched left a trail of heat behind on both muscle and metal.

I clung to her, letting her wind her arms around my neck and tangle a hand in my hair as she deepened the kiss, slowing it down again. I backed up to the couch before picking her up, holding her in my lap as I sat down. I ran my hands up under her shirt and pulled it off, needing to feel her skin on mine. I exhaled sharply at the contact, absorbing the sight of her straddling my lap in just a bra and leggings.

She pulled me back to her and the kiss became more demanding. I skimmed my hands over her curves, finding more muscle on her than I remembered. I unhooked her bra and pulling it off, pushing the leggings down to knead her pert ass until she stood up to take them off. 

She licked her lips and boldly knelt between my legs, undoing my belt and opening my jeans, intent on freeing my cock. I pulled her up in my lap, kissing her pouting lips demandingly. I knew wouldn't be able to hold out against her, it had been too long since the last time I'd been with her. I'd refused the many women they'd given to me since then - they weren't _her_.

I kissed down her neck as she traced the firm muscles of my back and abs, and I laid her down on her back, kneeling between her legs as I laved her nipples. She giggled and wriggled as my beard tickled her sensitive skin as I worked my way down her belly, licking and nipping at her skin. I spread her legs and looked up at her, smiling wickedly before using my metal hand to massage her clit. She arched her back and moaned, boldly holding my gaze.

She swept her eyes over me and I dropped my head down, claiming her for my own. She writhed in pleasure, making me even harder. She gasped when I slid one metal digit into her tight cunt, using my thumb on her nub as I leaned up to take her nipple into my mouth. She bucked against my hand, breathing hard when I finally brought my lips up to hers, swallowing her scream when she shattered. I pulled her back into my arms, just enjoying the feel of her skin on mine, trying to ignore my throbbing cock. We didn't have the time I needed to take to thoroughly enjoy her.

 "Won't you let me play with you, Bucky?" She ran her hands through my long hair, and my eyes closed as I savored the sensation. "You made me feel so good."

My voice was husky when I finally spoke again, opening my eyes to stare into hers. "If I let you do that I won't last long. I can't ever get enough of you, doll."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," she said, kissing my neck. "Bucky? What about Steve?" she asked quietly, stroking my face lightly. "He's your best friend. What will he think when he finds out about us? We can't keep this from him any more; it's not fair to any of us."

A flash of a memory hit me suddenly - it was me putting my arm around the shoulders of a slight blond man, and I knew it was the Steve she spoke of; he was even more important to me than Peggy. I wasn't sure how I knew this, but I did.

 "I don't want to hurt him, Peggy. He may be my friend." I stroked her face, kissing her lightly. "But you're my girl, and I love you."

"I don't want to hurt him either, Bucky, but we aren't doing him any favors by sneaking around him like this."

"I know, doll. I'll talk to him soon. You need to go before they find you with me."

I kissed her again, softly, letting her climb off the couch to find her clothes in the darkness, watching her pull them back on. I stood up, fastening my belt and jeans before reaching for her, not wanting to let her go. She leaned her head on my bare chest, and although I needed to report in soon or they would come for me, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight, running my hands over her hair and down her back, prolonging the moment.

 

*           *              *

Sarah's POV

"Come home with me, Bucky. Come home," I whispered into his shoulder, taking another chance with him.

"Anything for you, doll. Where's home?" he asked, kissing me again.

"Washington, DC. Can you get away from these people?"

"Yes. It will take a while, but I can do it."

I kissed him, whispering in his ear. "How will I contact you? I assume your phone is bugged."

"I don't have a phone, Peggy. Not unless I need one to contact them for my next mission."

"I'm Sarah, Bucky," I said quietly. "Sarah Evans."

"Sarah. I'm sorry, doll; I'm sorry." He kissed me gently before moving back to look at me. It had gotten quite late while we were otherwise occupied, and I knew I had to get going before Natasha started tracing my phone.

"I have to go, Bucky. Will I see you again here before you leave?"

"I'll find you tomorrow." He smiled, resting his head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat.

"How will you find me if you don't know where I live?"

"I'll always find my way back to you, even if it takes a lifetime. You are mine." He kissed me again, and I sighed.

"It's already taken a lifetime, Bucky. When you get to DC, go check out the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. There's a whole exhibit about Steve, you and Peggy. Maybe it will help you remember." I put my jacket on; it would be colder now that the sun was down.

"I'm in a museum?"

"You all are: Steve, Peggy, Dum-Dum, Gabe, all of the Howling Commandos, the 107th." I looked up to see what he was thinking, but I couldn't read his expression. I still needed proof that I had found him, so I asked, "Bucky, will you take a picture with me so I can see you when we're not together?" I pushed his long hair back out of his face, stroking his cheek with my hand. He smiled and kissed my palm.

"Sure, doll. I wish I could have one of you, but I'll settle for the one in my mind. I don't want Hydra to learn how important you are to me." I handed him his shirt and he pulled it on. I put my arm around him and held the phone up so we were both in the picture.

"Say cheese!" I smiled, snapping a couple as he looked at me in amusement. He ran his fingers over my cheek. "I've missed you so much. I wish you didn't have to leave; we've lost so much time already."

"You'll see me tomorrow, Bucky. Come find me." I gave him a quick kiss before turning to leave. I ran down the stairs quickly, retracing the trail we had taken earlier. The alleys were deserted and I sprinted back to my flat, taking a round about way to shake any watchers. It was much later than I thought and I was unarmed - skin tight leotards didn't really allow me to carry any of my weapons.

Sarah's POV  
I made it back to my flat without incident, shutting the door behind me. It was already past time for bed, so I headed straight for the bathroom to get cleaned up. Luckily, I hadn't met anyone in the building because when I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I could see my lips were swollen and there were marks on my neck that looked suspiciously like hickeys.

Bucky's beard had rubbed my face enough to redden it and I was glad that all these marks would be gone by morning. I stripped and got in the shower, thinking things over while I lathered up. My emotions were a tangled mess, so I sorted through them to decide what it was that I was really feeling. By the time I shut the water off, I thought I had them pegged.

The biggest one was that I felt guilty for messing around with Bucky because I was in a relationship with a man I loved, Steve Rogers, hands down the nicest person I'd ever met. There was also the small – okay not so small –  matter that I was a doppelganger for Peggy Carter, who Steve - and apparently Bucky - had loved back in the 40's.

I was almost a little jealous of Peggy for her relationships with both Steve and Bucky. I knew for certain that she and Steve had never had sex, but from what I gathered tonight, she and Bucky _had_ been lovers; I was going to pay Peggy Carter a visit when I got back to DC.

I dried off and wrapped the towel around myself to quietly walk to the bedroom I shared with Natasha. She turned on the lamp as I opened the door and I was glad she didn't have her gun in her hand for once, so she must have still been awake. Her sharp eyes saw the evidence on my face and neck, causing her to raise a curious eyebrow. I pulled on a nightshirt and wrapped my hair in the towel as I came over to sit on her bed.

"Can I ask you a question?" I studied her face for a moment.

"Does your question involve an explanation?" she gestured at my neck.

I nodded and tucked my feet under me. "Yes, has Steve ever talked to you about Bucky?"

She nodded. "Sometimes, when he misses him. I've watched all the old SSR footage of them - including the propaganda films."

"So you know Steve still blames himself for Bucky's fall?" I clarified. She nodded, gesturing for me to continue my explanation. "What if I told you Bucky's still alive?" I said after a moment, deciding she might be able to help me convince him to come home.

"I probably wouldn't believe you," Natasha said, flipping her hair behind her shoulder, but something in her attitude was off.

I pulled the towel off my head and grabbed my phone from my bed. I handed it to her, showing her the pictures I had taken with him today. "I wouldn't have believed me either, until now. Look at these, Nat - he's very much alive."

She scrolled through the pictures of us with an inscrutable look. Jace's physical resemblance to Bucky was even more astonishing. I saw her flip to one of Jace and then back to the one of Bucky. She shook her head and handed me back the phone.

"If I hadn't known what you were wearing today, I'm not sure I would have believed this wasn't just a scruffy Jace." Natasha knew more than she was letting on, but that was normal for her.

"I know, right? You worked out of Russia for most of your life, Nat. Have you ever met a man with a metal arm?"

"Yes, several times over my career with Shield. The last time we met, he shot me." She rubbed her belly where I knew a fairly distinct scar was and glowered at me. "I owe him some payback." She was still holding back, but I thought I was getting warmer now.

"Hold that thought for a moment - I need info first!" I said, putting my hands up defensively. "Do you know who he is?"

She sighed, but told me. "He's only known as the Winter Soldier. Most of the intelligence communities don't believe he exists, but those that do believe he's Soviet affiliated. The slug I dug out of myself was Soviet made sniper caliber, no rifling - specialty weapons."

"Natasha, the assassin you know as the Winter Soldier and Steve's best friend Bucky Barnes are the same person. I wish I'd taken a picture of his arm, too. Somehow Bucky survived the fall from the train in '45, but it must have left him with a damaged arm because Hydra replaced it with a cybernetic metal one."

"Which arm and how much of it's cybernetic?" She focused on me, far more intently than I would have expected for a minor question.

"His left arm, and the entire thing, up to to here," I showed her on myself, indicating where metal met flesh. "Reticulated metal, front and back. It's amazing; I've never seen anything like it." Natasha sat silently for a minute, a muscle on her jaw ticking convulsively. I looked at her curiously.  "Natasha, do you know him? He lets me call him Bucky, but he said his name was-"

"James." Natasha said his name quietly, but I heard her and nodded. "Of course - only his American friends would have known him as Bucky before he was under the Kremlin's control." She raised her anguished eyes, meeting mine. "I can't believe I didn't recognize him."

"I'm sure he looks a lot different now than he did back then - it was a long time ago?"

"It was a lifetime ago!" she said, closing her eyes. "I was still a student at the Red Room and James - well, even then, he was already a valuable asset."

"You two were close, then. Were you lovers?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes, until we were caught. That's when they started keeping him cryogenically frozen until he was needed. He was a weapon, and they didn't want their weapon acting human or developing feelings. I was allowed to see him only once after they froze him, as a warning; they blamed me for his human behaviors. The message was quite clear: compliance will be rewarded, failure will be punished."

I stared at her in shock. "I'm sorry, Nat. From the stories I've heard from Steve, Bucky wasn't ever a very...compliant... person. So he'd only get thawed when they needed him?"

"Yes. The Soldier was their ultimate weapon; as an assassin, he could fight extremely well with any kind of weapon, which is why he was brought in to finish training me. The Red Room was very thorough in their training, which is also why I learned ballet. Back then we traveled often with the troupe and they were my cover. As you've seen, no one ever questions a beautiful dancer in a powerful man's company."

"I see. How do you supposed that Bucky was taken by Hydra?"

"Bucky's whole unit was captured in '43 when Steve first went to Italy on his USO tour. Has Steve told you how he rescued Bucky and the rest of the Commandos?"

I nodded, the story of a then untried Captain America single-handedly liberating over 200 men from 30 miles behind enemy lines was legendary. Jace and I had researched it when he was in middle school for a history diorama.

"According to Steve, Bucky was held in a different place and was probably experimented on. Whatever they did to him must have helped him survive the fall. But Hydra? He said that?"

"Hydra. They must still be around, Natasha; they have some kind of control over him and I'm pretty sure they messed with his head. He doesn't really remember Steve yet; he _does_ remember Peggy, though."

She understood instantly. "He thinks you're Peggy." She smiled sadly when I nodded. "I'm sorry, Sarah. The mind sees what it wants to see, and he wants to see Peggy again."

"Yes." I forced myself to smile back at her, but my heart was still a little bruised from this. "I've told him I'm not her, but I don't think he believes me. He keeps reverting back to calling me Peggy."

"Does he know what year it is, or is this like when Steve would get caught up in his memories of her?"

"I'm not sure. At times in our conversation he seemed very much in the present, but when he was being physical with me, I don't think he was entirely here. They had a history together."

"So Bucky and Peggy were lovers back in the '40's. Did you know that he was involved with Peggy?"

I shook my head. "Not until today. They had to have worked together for the two years that Steve led the Commandos, but if they were lovers, Steve's never said anything about it - maybe he just never knew." I had no idea what he would think about it, either. 

"You were Steve's first lover, Sarah. Steve never was intimate with Peggy in that way; maybe he knew more than we think. This wasn't the first time Bucky'd been with Peggy?"

"No, definitely not," I replied, indicating my neck. "But seriously, this is starting to sound like the story line of a daytime soap opera, you know?" I laughed at the absurdity of it all. "My dad is Iron Man, my boyfriend is Captain America and I just happen to look identical to his first girlfriend. My best female friend is the famous Black Widow," Natasha grinned. "And to top it all off, I just about fucked my boyfriend's best friend that everyone thinks died 67 years ago, who really didn't die but has selective amnesia about himself. At this point, I kind of doubt anything could really surprise me."

"When you put it like that, yeah, it does sound kind of crazy."

"Thanks. Crazy is my new goal in life!" I moaned as I covered my face with my hands and flopped myself backwards on the bed, almost hitting my head on the wall. "Shit, Nat! This is beyond crazy. What the hell was I thinking? We were this close to having sex."  I held up one hand with a small space between my thumb and forefinger. Natasha was in no mood for my teenage dramatics and pulled me back upright.

"I'm glad you found a way through to him, Sarah." She looked at me a little sadly, but said earnestly, "If he's really under Hydra control, you'll need to use that connection to bring him back to who he used to be. Can you do whatever it takes to bring him back for Steve?" She gestured at the hickeys on my neck and my eyes widened as I realized what she meant. "Knowing that might include sleeping with him? We used to be lovers, but James probably doesn't remember me, so it's going to be up to you. _Can you do this?"_

I thought for a long moment before I finally nodded. I knew that while the methods required for this task might have to be a little unorthodox, results were the only thing that mattered. I met her eyes, not hiding my mixed feelings from her. "Steve'd do _anything_ if it meant he'd have his best friend back again. Do you think he'd forgive me when I tell him about this? I don't want to hurt Steve, but I also won't hide anything from him."

"There's nothing to forgive, Sarah. Bucky believes you are someone else, and there's no guarantee he'll remember the Steve he knew back then for a while yet, if ever. You don't know what they're capable of doing to a mind."

"I'm sorry Nat, you would know best, after all. But are you sure about taking that tack with Bucky?"

She ignored my question. "How did you manage to get that close to him anyway? He's been watching us, so you didn't exactly take him as unaware as you did Steve when he first met you."

I smiled, thinking back to that day. It seemed like a long time ago now, but it'd only been a couple months."I maneuvered him into a meeting on the street today; I pretended Bucky was Jace and I greeted him like I normally would." I shrugged.

"Like an exuberant teenage girl who hasn't seen her best friend in a long time?" Natasha smiled a real smile this time, probably picturing it. She'd seen me act like that before with Jace, so it wasn't a huge stretch of the imagination. He _was_ my best friend, after all.

"Yup. It got him talking to me; maybe subconsciously I knew who he was. They're so similar it's eerie."

I scrolled through my pictures to a recent picture of me with Jace that I had taken at the baseball game we'd all went to the weekend after the 4th of July. Jace was sporting a couple day's growth and wearing a ball cap, but there was no denying the resemblance.

"Where is James now?"

"I left him at his hideout - it looked abandoned, so I doubt he's really staying there. He said he'd find me tomorrow. If he shows, will you help me talk to him, convince him to come back to the States? I can't wait to tell Steve about this!"

"You'd better wait until he actually decides to come with us," Natasha pointed out. "If Hydra has as much control over him as I think they do, there's a good chance he'll try to kill us. We give our performance in two days, and it's not a coincidence he's here in Kiev. James has only ever been commanded by the highest ranking officers."

I thought that over for a long minute, considering all that I'd heard about Bucky from his family and Steve. What Jace would do if he was in Bucky's place. "Barnes men are _the_ most stubborn men on the planet, so I think he's still fighting the control they have on him."

"I would assume so. It's not easy, but it can be done."

"You did it." I pointed out, hopefully.

Natasha nodded, but there was no encouragement in her expression. "Yes, but it took a long time and I didn't have handlers like he does. They won't just let him walk away, Sarah. He's an extremely valuable asset to them."

"He's a person, an American citizen that they have no right to use as they have."

"Preaching to the choir, kid. But we need to get some sleep now. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"I know," I groaned. "I can't believe people want to do this kind of stuff as a career. it's only been a month and I'm ready to be done with it."

"If being a ballet dancer was easy, everyone would do it," Natasha said, poking me in the side. "You know how many girls are jealous of you for your abilities and they don't even know you just learned how to do most of this two months ago? Most of them will never move beyond where they are now in the troupe."

"Don't care!" I slapped her hand away and poked back at her. "I'm just ready to go back home and get back to my normal non-routine-ish day job. I'm sure Maria is getting along fine without me, but this isn't my kind of thing. I'm not exactly a normal teenager, Nat."

"Thank goodness for small mercies! I'd have killed you already if you were. I can't stand those giggling twits we have to work with."

"Me either!" I laughed and stood up, going over to my own bed and cocooning myself.

Nat turned off the lamp and I was almost asleep when Natasha asked one last question. "So is James a good kisser, Sarah?"

My cheeks instantly flushed and I was grateful for the darkness. "Yeah," I smiled to myself. "He is, but you knew that already. 'Night, Nat."

"Good night." I heard the smile in her voice as I rolled over and promptly fell asleep, exhausted after a long, emotionally challenging day.


	3. Forbidden

Bucky's POV

I decided as Peggy left that if I waited any longer, there was the chance they'd wipe me and then I wouldn't remember her anymore - and I didn't want to take that chance. I'd lost her once, I wasn't going to lose her again.

I followed Peggy from the rooftops, losing her several times as she evaded pursuit from everyone except me, but I had an advantage; I knew the general direction she was heading. Most of the ballet troupes stayed in a couple apartment buildings not far from the theater. I'd seen her walking near them with the other members of her troupe, so chances were she was headed there.

I watched the windows, thanking my lucky stars when a lamp suddenly flicked on one of the middle floors, showing me which window was hers, no other lights were on in the whole building.

I waited until the lights went out again to make my way to the roof of her building, letting myself in the unlocked roof access door for the tenants to use. I silently made my way down to her floor, the lock on her hallway door a joke, taking only a few moments to pick. No one saw me as I crept in, listening for anyone still awake. There was an older woman sleeping alone in one of the rooms that had been at the practices I'd watched. I set off a sleeping gas canister in her room, shutting the door silently behind me as I walked back out.

I could smell Peggy's perfume, and I knew I had to be getting closer to her. A second bedroom showed me that I'd found her, but she shared it with the redhead I'd often seen her with. I set off another canister of sleeping gas, holding my breath as it started to spew out of the canister. I silently crept in, covering Peggy's face with her blanket to keep the gas from affecting her - I just wanted the other woman to sleep, not Peggy.

*            *                    *

Sarah's POV

I had an incredibly vivid dream, that Bucky was back in DC with me, sleeping in my bed. It wasn't the Bucky I met today, though, it was Steve's Bucky from 1945. I had my head on his chest and I could hear his heartbeat. I could even smell his distinctive scent and feel his lips on mine.

I frowned as my hands met with something other than skin, and it took my tired brain a moment to realize it was metal and leather. I'd have thought we'd have been naked in that kind of dream. I must've forgotten to eat before I went to bed for my dreams to be that vivid. I went to roll over only to realize I couldn't move. My eyes snapped open and I froze, breathing hard. I wasn't alone in my bed after all.

"Bucky? What are you doing here?"

I was impressed with myself that my voice held none of the panic I felt right now. Somehow Bucky had found my room and made his way in without waking up Natasha, which was a feat in itself. She slept so light I'd almost gotten myself shot more than once for getting up early in the morning to get a drink or use the bathroom.

"She won't wake up until morning," he murmured so quietly I could barely hear him. "I had to see you; I shouldn't have let you leave earlier. Besides, it's after midnight, so it's tomorrow now."

I smiled at his justification before asking, "Bucky, what did you do?" I looked over at Natasha, who looked like she was sleeping peacefully.

"Just a little sleeping gas."

"That explains why I thought I was having such a vivid dream. Sleeping gas doesn't affect me otherwise." He pulled me back down next to him, settling me in his arms. It sure was going to be interesting when Natasha woke up in a little while.

"You were dreaming of me?" He asked, brushing my hair back off my face and giving me a kiss. "Was it a good dream?"

"Maybe. What are you wearing? Leather?" I ran my hand over his chest, feeling the arsenal hidden in the jacket. "Why?"

"Yes. I have to report in in a few hours and then I'm going off grid until I get to the States." 

"We're going to be here a couple more days yet before we can leave, Bucky. Are you sure I can't tell you how to find me in Washington? It's a big city."

"It's better if I don't know. It'll take me a while to get there. I can't exactly fly on commercial airlines with this thing." He smiled, raising his metal arm.

"True. I can have my dad pick you up in his private jet, though. He can take us both back home, together."

"I don't want the Kremlin to know I'm with you. They'll stop at nothing to get me back once I leave; I'll always be a danger to you." He rubbed his cheek against mine and kissed me again.

"I just want you to come home, Bucky. I missed you. How long do we have tonight?"

"Not long enough. I'll have to leave here before dawn so no one sees me."

"Can I turn on the light so I can see you? It was so dark earlier," I said as I sat up, reaching over him to turn on my lamp. He smiled up at me, brushing his hand across my face and down my neck, hooking one finger under the neckline of my nightshirt and pulling me down on him, capturing my lips with his.

"You're so beautiful, Peggy."

"You're not so bad looking yourself, James. Now lose the leather. It's not very nice to my skin."

"Always so bossy." His mouth quirked in a crooked grin as he sat up to undo the straps and zipper. He dropped it on the floor, standing up to pull his leather pants off. He kicked them off, reaching for me. "God, I've missed you, Peggy."

Bucky pulled me onto his lap, my legs straddling his as he scooted so his back was against the wall. I took a deep breath, becoming the Peggy from his mind and shoving Sarah in the shadows as I got into character, pulling off my nightshirt. I knew there would be no turning back, but a small part of me was excited about what was next.

Bucky's eyes were dark with desire as they looked over my naked body, his breaths becoming shallower as I reached out and touched him, running my hands down his chest and abs, over his arms. His cybernetic arm didn't bother me, it was just cooler to the touch until it warmed from contact with my skin. I leaned forward to kiss him, pressing my breasts to his chest. He groaned quietly against my mouth and as he took control of the kiss, I felt his hands run down my back, stopping to knead my ass before continuing down my legs.

Reversing directions, he skimmed his thumbs along the inside of my thighs on their way back up my body before stopping to cup my breasts, teasing my already furled nipples. I gasped, leaning into him as he played with them, desire pooling in my belly.

It was a strange sensation, having a metal hand caress me, but his touch raised goosebumps on my body wherever his hands had been, metal or not. He brought his mouth down and laved one nipple, making me squirm against him before going on to the next. He reached one hand between us and found my clit, rubbing it with his thumb as he swallowed my moans. When my legs were shaking from the impending orgasm, he eased one long finger into my cunt, almost sending me over the edge.

"You're so wet and tight, Peggy. I can't wait any longer," he rasped as he captured my lips and drew my hips down firmly so I'd impale myself on his rigid cock. I bit his shoulder as I held back a scream, sliding down over him slowly, giving myself time to adjust to his girth. My cunt burned as it stretched to accommodate his large cock. Sweat glistened on his chest as he held himself tensely still, my tightness affecting him as well.

"Are you okay, Peggy? It's been too long for you, too. You're even tighter than I remember."

I removed my teeth from his shoulder, kissing him gently. He ran his fingers over my face, moving my hair back out of his way. "I'll be okay in a moment, you're a little larger than I thought you were."

"Just what every man wants to hear," he quipped before he suddenly moved us, laying me down on my back. The different position seated him fully in me. He kissed me deeply as he started to move, slowly at first before as he quickened his strokes.

Bucky kissed down my neck again until he had one nipple in his mouth. I felt the tension building in my belly again as he deepened his thrusts. I felt the beginning of my release and sank my teeth into him again to try and be quiet. I felt Bucky's muscles quiver before he drove deeply into me as he climaxed with me, groaning quietly. He collapsed on me, sinking me into the bed beneath his weight before rolling off of me.

He kissed me with a surprising gentleness, pulling me tight to him and pulling the covers up over us. My eyes closed as I listened to his heartbeat and I know I drifted off. I woke up a short time later and eased my way out of his arms, finding my nightshirt and pulling it on before padding down the dark hallway to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up and got a drink before coming back to the room.

Bucky was still asleep, so I checked on Natasha. She woke to my touch and I disarmed her before she could shoot me. A heartbeat later, she placed me and I stopped her from speaking by gesturing to my bed. She raised an eyebrow at me, but there was humor in her expression.

 _Sorry, he knocked you out with sleeping gas. I wasn't expecting him tonight_. I signed quickly, knowing she could see me even in the near darkness. _He says he's going to come to DC but he won't come with us. He doesn't want Hydra to know about me is all he'll say. He won't let me tell him anything-address, phone number- nothing_.

**_That's hardly surprising. He can't tell them what he doesn't know in case he can't get away. Get back into bed and I will talk to him in a bit. I take it he thinks I'll be out for a while yet?_ **

_Yes. I didn't tell him anything about you. Natalia is a very common name here._

She grinned at me. **_Good girl. He'll be out for a while yet, so just play along with whatever happens._**

_Kinda figured that was the plan._

I gave Natasha a small smile and got back under my covers, working my way back into Bucky's arms and laying my head on his chest. He was still sound asleep, which surprised me; sex must really relax him. His heartbeat lulled me back to sleep and a short while later, we woke to the sound of a gun being cocked. Natasha was dressed and standing over my bed, holding a pistol aimed at Bucky. I blinked up at her, seeing her as the assassin I knew she was; I didn't often see this side of her, so it surprised me when it surfaced.

"<Hello, James. You're getting sloppy.>" Natasha said in Russian, smirking at him.

 

*         *          *

James POV

I woke to see a beautiful redhead holding a gun to my head, her stance and posture familiar. A memory of another dancer suddenly came to me, and I realized I knew this woman once; I'd loved her once, many years ago.

"Natalia?" I said, confused. "Natalia Alianova Romanova?"

"Yes, it's been a while, James. Do you remember when we last were together?"

I let go of Peggy and she sat up slowly, moving out of my arms. I didn't dare move to sit up yet, keeping my eyes on the beautiful redhead. I thought hard, trying to tug the rest of the memory from the corners of my mind.

"1948. They took me to Siberia; when I was let out again, you were beyond my reach. You had already married Alexi and I was sent away from Moscow with more orders." Natalia lowered the gun and slowly sank down on the bed, a firmness to the set of her lips. I sat up, holding her eyes with mine. "To come near you would have meant your life, Natalia," I said quietly. "I was always watched so closely, so I stayed away. I didn't wish for them to punish you further."

I meant every single word, there had been no way for me to see her because of how I was watched. I was a weapon that tended to act like a human; they couldn't have that. I reached out, taking her hand in my own, unable to stop myself from touching her even though I knew it was forbidden. My eyes drank in her features; it had been over 60 years since I had last seen her face and more than that since I had last been able to touch her.

I watched her as she absorbed that statement, her eyes fluttering closed with emotion, her voice rough when she finally spoke. "I was punished, James. They brought me to see you, after they had frozen you... as a warning of what would happen if I didn't comply with their plans for me. It was like you were dead." Her beautiful face showed a deep sorrow, her emerald eyes suspciously shiny.

"I'm sorry, Natalia." I raised her hand to my lips and kissed it gently. "It was never my intention to hurt you like that. I knew the risks when I pursued you - but it was worth it to be with you - everything they did to me - was worth it."

"Who controls you now, James? KGB went down years ago, along with the Kremlin."

"Hydra," I spat out. "I have to report in today before I can go off grid or they'll be looking for me sooner."

"So you will come to Shield in DC." It wasn't a question - but it wasn't an order, either.

"As long as I can get away; it is easier said than done. Peggy said you'll be here for a couple more days."

"Sarah, James. Her name is Sarah. Peggy Carter is an old woman now; she aged like a normal human. You and I have never been normal."

I looked over at her before looking back at Natalia. "But she looks like Peggy, Natalia, she feels like Peggy, tastes like Peggy. How is that possible?" I reached out my other hand to Peggy, tucking her hair behind her ear and putting a finger under her chin, so she would look at me.

"We don't know. Steve has said those same things, but she really is Sarah, not Peggy."

"I learn something new every day," I swore I heard her mutter, then louder, "Steve will be incredibly happy to see you. I want to be there when you meet him."

"I'd hope you'd be there," I said, smiling at her. "I don't know who Steve is, though. You showed me those pictures, but I don't remember anything about him."

"Let me show you one more." Natalia handed her a piece of glass and she tapped at it briefly before leaning forward so I could see the screen. "Does this man look familiar?"

I studied the photo of a small blond man, reaching out to take the picture from her. I knew this man, _Steve_ , my mind whispered. I brushed my finger over Steve's face before smiling broadly at her. "Of course, Peggy. He's my best pal." I watched something flash across her face – relief? – and then it was gone, so quickly I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined it.

"I'm Sarah, Bucky." She smiled at me gently, and I decided that Sarah must be her cover right now, so I should play along.

"Right. Sorry, I get confused sometimes." I brushed a kiss over her temple, handing back the picture.

"I know. That's why I keep reminding you." She propped herself back up on the wall, putting a little distance between us. "What do you remember about Steve?"

"Not as much as I think I should. Each time they wipe me I have a harder time remembering things. I feel like I haven't seen him in a long time. He's sick a lot and I gotta keep pulling his punk ass out of fights. He's a good guy."

"Do you remember the last time you saw him?" Natalia touched my face lightly, holding my eyes with hers.

I was quiet for a long moment as I thought hard, finding it difficult to string everything together in the right order. "We were in New York, at the Stark Expo, right before I got shipped out. He was trying to enlist again when we were supposed to be taking some girls dancing."

"That wasn't the last time you saw Steve, Bucky. He enlisted and eventually joined up with the 107th in Italy."

I shook his head, confused, "Steve wouldn't have been able to join the army, not as sick as he always was. They won't take asthmatics."

"James, you need to go now if you're going to leave. It'll be dawn soon." Natalia said, standing up so I could get out of bed. I leaned down to get my pants, pulled them on and put on my boots before I recklessly took Natalia in my arms, kissing her soundly. She tasted as good as I remembered, and I wished that I had more time tonight.

"I'll see you soon, my little red ballerina." I said when she pulled away from me and I knew I needed to get moving.

"I'm going to hold you to that, James." She said with a smile as she handed me my leather jacket and I pulled it on and fastened it up.

I turned back to the bed and held out my hand to Peggy, pulling her from the bed to embrace her tightly. "Don't worry, doll. I'll find you in DC." I kissed her gently, stroking her face. "I'll always find you." I let go of her, heading for the window. I opened it and climbed out into the predawn light.

 

*             *         *

Sarah's POV

I shut the window behind Bucky and turned to look at Natasha, my eyes wide. "Well, that was interesting. When he shows up in DC, he's all yours, just so you know. I can only handle one man at a time unless Steve's willing to share." I turned to my bed and straightened the covers, making the bed.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and started laughing. "I wouldn't rule out that option, Sarah. Steve might surprise you there and only James could make such a strange situation seem normal. I take it you managed to persuade him then while I was out?"

"You could say that." My cheeks flushed and I covered them with my hands. "It should have been you, though, Nat."

She shook her head. "It's not safe for him to be seen with me, especially not here. There are still those who will know that and will enforce it, relishing the pain they will inflict on him through punishment."

"Even now, almost 70 years later?"

"Yes. Neither Hydra nor the KGB will have forgotten; I have seen his file and there are very specific instructions pertaining to me in it. I don't want to see him punished again because of me."

I looked at her sadly, knowing she didn't want him to be refrozen because of her and sighed. "I'm getting in the shower; there's no way I'm going back to sleep now."

"I'll go check on Sophi. If he used sleeping gas on her, it will take her longer to wake up. He had to have used a fair amount on me to put me out for as long as it did."

"I must have gotten a bit too. Sleeping gas gives me vivid dreams; it took me a while to realize he was actually here. In my dream he was still the Bucky Steve knew in the 40's." I shook my head, looking over at her. "So you loved James - back before you married this Alexi? I didn't know you were ever married."

"James was the first lover I chose for myself. I was 18 at the time and a dancer for the Bolshoi when I met James. Dancing was my cover, but I was already an assassin back then, too. James was brought in for some specialized training at the Red Room, and I learned much from him." She was quiet for a moment, deciding how much to tell me, I gathered. "I also connected with him on a personal level, which was never supposed to happen. I was engaged to a Soviet test pilot that was rapidly climbing the ranks in the KGB at the time."

"You didn't choose Alexi?"

Natasha shook her head. "He saw me perform and had to have me; I belonged to the Red Room and they gave me to Alexi as a reward for his outstanding service to the Kremlin. I accepted that James was gone, and moved on. I was happily married to Alexi for several years until he died in a training accident. By then, James was back in cryofreeze almost all the time and I was constantly on missions, earning my title of Black Widow. It was never meant to be."

I pulled her into a tight hug, which she surprisingly returned. "I'm sorry, Natasha. Maybe it will work out this time around."

She shook her head. "I'm not the person that he knew back then, the young girl willing to ignore his flaws." She caught my eyes with hers, holding me captive with that emerald gaze. "No, Sarah, someone as jaded as I am is not who James needs. He needs someone patient who can see the good in him, work with him to mend his shattered mind - and that's not me."

She brushed past me to go check on Sophi, clearly done talking about this subject, so I went to go get in the shower, washing the smell of James from my skin. Luckily, the marks from last night had already faded from my skin and I didn't have to try and cover them up. I dressed quickly and ate breakfast while I waited for Natasha and Sophi to finish getting ready. Sophi was still a little groggy from the gas, but otherwise was fine. We walked to the studio, ready for another day of training and rehearsal.

 

 


	4. Hello?

October 2012

Bucky's POV

It had taken me longer than I had expected to get to Washington, DC. I thought it would take me at least a week to find Peggy, but I had a bit of luck on the first day there. Her picture on the front of a paper caught my eye. I studied the photo of her and a large blond man running in a park until I thought I could recognize the park entrance from the picture. I found a map of the city and circled every park, deciding to start from where I was at and work my way towards the Triskelion that loomed over the DC skyline.

I only had to walk by three parks before finding the one from the picture. By then, it was getting late, so I found a metal fire escape to climb and made my way up to the roof of a nearby building. I settled in for the night, in position to see the park entrance. My planning paid off, because next morning, well before dawn, Peggy was out for a morning run.

I saw her from my perch and followed her over the roofs until she got done running, keeping a distance so I could see if she was being watched. I noted the building she went into and saw her come out again a while later, in different clothes and with a large bag slung over her shoulder. I watched her drive away and realized she was going to work, so her apartment would be empty.

I waited until no one was walking in or out of the building before dropping back down to street level to enter the lobby. There were mailboxes with names on them and I read them all until I found one that was familiar. _Sarah Evans, D 4._ Peggy had told me that name before. Maybe it was an alias she used now. I walked up the stairs, acting like I belonged there. I didn't meet anyone and the hallway on the 4th floor was empty. I listened to make sure it was empty and then used my lock pick to let myself in.

Shutting and locking the door behind me, I silently worked my way through all the rooms to make sure the apartment was empty and that it was the right place. It smelled like Peggy, I remembered the light scent she had worn the last time I saw her.

The whole place was very neat and tidy, but it had a homey feel to it. This was a place that was lived in and cared for. The bed was neatly made and everything was lined up in the closets. There wasn't much I could use to verify that this was her place other than some mail by the door on a little table that had Sarah Evan's name on it and some photos of Peggy with some other people stuck onto the refrigerator with an assortment of magnets. Satisfied I had the right place, I took off my backpack and settled on the couch to wait for her to come back.

The warmth and quiet lulled me, and I woke with a start; I had nodded off for several hours. It was now after 1500 this time, and I figured I'd better get cleaned up. Peggy could be back any time now. I'd seen a shaving kit in the bathroom closet when I had been clearing the rooms, so I thought I should start there. I hadn't had a proper shave in a long time, not since before my mission in Kiev;  I'd noticed that the men I'd seen today leaving this building were all clean-shaven. I set my pack in the bedroom and took off my layered shirts before getting the shaving things out. For as long as my beard was, it was going to take a while to get it all off.

I heard the distinctive sound of keys being fitted into the lock of the apartment door from where I was in the bathroom. I tensed as I heard the thud of a being dropped as the person came in, kicking off their shoes as they shut the door and slid the lock. The clink of keys dropping into the bowl by the door, along with clicks of what was probably weapons followed. I knew it was her when I heard her moving into the apartment, her light step slow, then pausing as she realized I was here. I wasn't sure what had given me away, but I couldn't wait to see her again.

It had been a long couple weeks, and I was exhausted, but seeing Peggy's face again would make it all worth it. I continued shaving as I heard her move through her apartment, clearing the kitchen and other rooms of possible intruders. Since the bathroom door was closed, she would most likely leave it for last; I knew I would.

She opened the bathroom door, gun in hand, to see me shaving at the sink. Her eyes widened as they took me in, I disarmed her before I thought she'd fully processed that I was really there. I pinned her against the door with my body, my lips on her warm, soft ones. She put her arms around me and held me tightly, returning the kiss.

I broke the kiss when she relaxed into me and grinned at her. I'd managed to get shaving cream on her face; she wiped it off her as she stared at me, eyes wide, taking me in. "Hi Peggy. Miss me?"

A smile finally started to spread across her beautiful face and she pulled me into a hug. "It's about time, Barnes. What took you so long?"

"It was harder to shake my shadows then I thought. I had to be sure I lost them before I came to DC." I stroked her face with my real fingers and she caught my hand and leaned into it. "I saw you running in the park today and followed you back here. I figured I'd clean up while I waited for you to get back from work." I walked over to stand in front of the mirror to finish scraping off the last of my whiskers.

"Good. You were getting a little scruffy." She came up behind me and ran her hands through my hair. It almost touched my shoulders, it was that long. She pulled it back and secured it so it was out of my face.

"There, now you can see what you're doing."

I looked at my reflection, deciding I looked stupid with it pulled back like that. I smiled at her with amusement and pointed at my hair. "Men don't wear these, Peggy."

"Well, some men do, but if you don't like it that long, I can go get Steve's clippers and give you a haircut."

A haircut would be great, I hadn't had one in a very long time. I was usually kept in cryofreeze when I wasn't needed for missions, so my hair didn't grow that fast normally. In the past month since I went rogue, it had grown a lot. My eyes met hers in the mirror, and I was confused. "Steve? Who's that?"

"He's a friend. Do you need clothes, Bucky? I doubt you'll fit in any of mine."

I hesitated, but finally nodded. "All I have with me is in my pack." I had left Russia with one backpack and the clothes I was wearing, nothing else. It was all I had that was truly mine.

"I'm sure they need washing, then. I'll be right back; I'm just going next door." She walked out of the bathroom and I finished shaving, looking myself over to make sure I got it all before washing my face.

She was standing there when I put the towel down after drying off; her errand hadn't taken very long.

"Ready, Bucky?" She smiled and held up the clippers. "I think it'll be easier to do this in the kitchen- there's more room there." I watched as she reached into the cupboard next to the sink and grabbed a pair of scissors and a comb.

I nodded, following her out of the bathroom. "I haven't had a trim in a while. You know how to cut hair?"

"Yeah, I learned when my friend didn't want the haircut his mom wanted for him and the barber only did two kinds of men's haircuts - short and shorter."

I pulled out a chair and sat down. Peggy plugged in the clippers and laid it on the table. She pulled out her phone, swiping on it for a minute before handing it to me. I stared at the picture on the screen and it was familiar, but I didn't know why. She set her hand on my shoulder.

"This is what you used to look like, Bucky. Do you want to look like that again?"

I stared at the picture for a long moment before shaking my head slowly. That was me once – a lifetime ago – smiling, cocky, carefree. My photograph had been taken so few times in my life that I remembered the occasions quite vividly. I remembered being told that I had to take a nice picture for my folks before we shipped out, so I did, smiling like I always did for my parents, even though I was told not to smile.

"I'm not that man anymore, Peggy." I said, shaking my head.

She leaned over my shoulder and scrolled through until she stopped at another picture. "How about this?"

I didn't remember this photo being taken of me and Peggy. "This isn't me, is it?" I looked up at her, confused. "I don't remember any of this. Should I?" My voice was rising in panic as I looked up at her. She put her hand on my shoulder and rubbed it soothingly.

"Sorry, Bucky. No, it's not you. I should have explained better. This is my best friend Jace. He's actually your great-nephew if you want to get specific. I've known him since we were 12. He looks a lot like you, though. Do you like how his hair looks?"

"It's not me." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Who is _Jace_?"

"Jace Buchanan Barnes. He's related to you and he lives next door to my parents in New Jersey."

I thought about that. Peggy was an orphan and she was from England, not New Jersey. I looked at the photo she was showing me with new eyes. "I can look like this. It's different."

"I know how to cut hair well enough to do that. Ready?" I nodded and she picked up the scissors. "You can look through my pictures if you want while I cut your hair. It'll take a while since it's so long and I'm not really fast at cutting hair."

"Okay. Where do they start?" She reached over and tapped the screen a couple times to take me back to the beginning of the photos. I scrolled through them, seeing a visual history of Peggy's last few years. But she wasn't Peggy, she was too young to be her. These were pictures of a teenage girl and her friends. I flipped through them as the pile of dark hair around the chair grew.

"What are you thinking, Bucky?" she asked quietly when she noticed I had been staring at the same photo for a long time. I was wracking my brain, trying to remember something I should never have been able to forget. It was a picture of me in a tux and Peggy in a beautiful white dress, smiling up at me while we both were laughing at the camera.

"I'm so sorry, Peggy; I don't remember this." I handed her the phone and looked up at her apologetically. "Why can't I remember something this important?" I ran my hands through my shorter hair, my heart aching as I struggled to breathe. "When did we get married, Peggy?"

Her lips parted in surprise as she glanced down at the picture. "We didn't, Bucky. We're not married." She shook her head, walking around so she was facing me. "This picture is from Jace's junior prom. I went as his date since his girlfriend dumped him the week before it. The only pictures I have of you are that first one I showed you and the ones we took in Kiev."

She held my gaze, and I knew that what she said was real, as much as I would have liked it to be otherwise. "You are telling me the truth."

She nodded, putting her hand on my shoulder. "I will always tell you the truth, Bucky."

I took her small, warm hand in mine, squeezing it lightly before letting her go again. "I'm sorry, Peggy. There's just so much I can't remember, and I know I should."

I dropped my head in my hands, relieved that I hadn't forgotten something that important while at the same time wishing that we had married so I would have a claim on this beautiful woman. She put her hand on my face, thumb under my chin so I'd have to look at her golden brown eyes.

"It's gonna take time, Bucky. It's not your fault Hydra took your memories. If nothing else, we make new ones that you won't forget. Okay?"

I searched her face, seeing only sincerity there. I gave her a small smile. "Okay." She handed the phone back to me to continue scrolling while she ran her hands through my hair, occasionally snipping still. Finally she ran her hand down the side of my face and I looked up at her.

"I'm all done, Bucky. Want to take a look?"

I nodded and allowed her to pull me to my feet so she could brush the worst of the hair off of me. I handed her the phone and headed back to the bathroom to take a look. I didn't recognize the man in the mirror staring back at me. He was similar to what I thought I looked like. The messy dark brown hair no longer in my eyes all the time. I ran my hands through my hair and over my face, feeling that it really was me in the mirror.

"What do you think? Do you like it?" She leaned on the door, watching me for I wasn't sure how long.

"It's gonna take some getting used to, doll." I answered honestly. "I don't look like me anymore." I gave her a fake smile and avoided her gaze; I didn't want to see pity in her eyes.

She reached out and touched my shoulder gently. "You're still you; you just don't look like a homeless version of you anymore."

I shrugged and she let her hand fall to her side. "I am homeless, Peggy. Not that I would remember if I had one here, but I don't think I've been to the States in a while."

She quirked an eyebrow at me, and smiled. "You're not homeless anymore. You can stay with me for as long as you like, Bucky. This can be your home, too."

I looked at her for a long moment before giving her a genuine smile. "I'd like that. We always said we were gonna get a place of our own after the war."

Sadness crept into her smile, but I didn't understand why it was there. She dropped her gaze to the floor, turning to leave. "Why don't you get in the shower and I'll set some clothes out for you in the bedroom. I've ordered something for supper and it'll be here soon."

I raised a brow, grinning at her. "Join me?"

She shook her head with a small smile. "Nope. You need to get all that hair off you first before I'm touching you again, mister."

She shut the door behind her and I started stripping to get in the shower, ready to finally get clean. I hadn't showered in a long time, but it felt good, the hot water loosening muscles that had tightened from a month on the run. I found the shampoo and lathered up good, rinsing my hair and getting all of the itchy bits from my haircut off. I lathered again to be certain that I got most of them before soaping up the rest of my body and scrubbing everywhere, even under my fingernails.

 

*       *          *

Sarah's POV

I knew the haircut would be a change for Bucky, but it didn't make him look like he had in 1945. It was strange seeing him with short hair now, but he looked a lot better this way. Now that he was trimmed and had shaved, he looked like a slightly older version of Jace. Physically, Bucky looked like he was in his mid to late 20's. Age-wise, he was probably at least 95.

I thought about the picture that had upset Bucky earlier; it was from Jace's prom last spring- the only prom I had ever been to. It was one of my favorite memories, so I was glad my mom had insisted on taking pictures before we left the house. We had posed, smiling and laughing as our parents had taken a thousand pictures. I had gotten my hair done at a salon and my mom and I had went dress shopping together, finding a pretty white dress that flowed around me. Jace had worn the full tux to match. I could see why Bucky thought it had been a wedding picture, especially since he couldn't distinguish himself from Jace and he still thought I was Peggy.   

My phone buzzed, shaking me from my thoughts and I looked at the incoming message from Natasha Romanoff, the only other person who knew about Bucky still being alive.

**_On my way. C u in 10._ **

I finished cleaning up the kitchen while Bucky showered. I wiped down the chair and pushed it in before sweeping the floor again to get what I knew I had missed earlier, dumping another dustpan full in the garbage. I washed my hands and went back into the bedroom to set out a set of clothes for Bucky. Since it was unlikely we were going anywhere this time of day, I sat out gray sweatpants, boxers and a white Under Armor shirt. This was what Steve liked to sleep in, so I figured Bucky would like the outfit, too.

I walked back to the living room in time to see Natasha letting herself in, a plastic bag full of Chinese in one hand. She set it on the coffee table and looked around, cocking her head at me.

"Thank God! You're just in time. I gave him a haircut and had him get in the shower. He shaved too. You aren't going to recognize him, Nat." I set my phone on the coffee table as well.

"Does he know you?" She asked quietly. I switched to sign language so Bucky couldn't hear us.

_No. He thinks I'm Peggy. He can't tell himself from Jace in my pictures. He doesn't remember Steve and I didn't tell him you were coming over yet._

**_Shit._** She replied. **_We've got our work cut out for us. When's Steve get back?_**

_Next week at the very soonest, but more like 2 weeks yet. I'm going to have to call Jace in to help us. He's at least family._

**_Already done. I pulled some strings to get him here for the next week. I didn't want you here alone._ **

_Great. Thanks, Nat. Not that I can't handle myself, but I'd feel better with Jace here since I know you can't stay._

**_Fury wants him to join Shield after Steve gets back._ **

I looked at her incredulously. _You told Fury about him already?_

**_I told him after we got back from Kiev. He thinks Bucky would be a good partner for Steve if he can pass his psych evaluations._ **

I went to walk past Natasha, not sure what I thought about that yet. She stopped me with a hand on my arm, her expression more enigmatic than usual. I wasn't going to like whatever she was going to tell me.

**_You do know it still might take a little more than you are comfortable with to keep him here until Steve gets back, right?_ **

I stared at her for a long moment. _What exactly are you saying?_

**_Give him a reason to stay. He came here for you, not Steve; whatever they did to block his memories of Steve isn't going to go away overnight. He might not ever remember Steve, even after he sees him with his own eyes._ **

I sighed, bringing a hand up to cover my eyes, knowing what she was saying. While using her body wouldn't bother her, it did bother me; this wasn't a mission. _I'm really not comfortable with that. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. I don't like manipulating him like that._

**_If you're worried about what Steve will say, don't. You know how much Bucky means to him._ **

_I hope you're right about that, because I feel like I'm cheating on Steve by doing this. Kiev was a one time thing to get him back to Steve. What you are asking -_

**_Is just another mission. You're not cheating; your job is to make sure Bucky will be here when Steve gets home. I'll do what I can, but I think he came here for you, not me._ **

I heard the water turn off and walked back to the bathroom. Natasha silently stepped into the kitchen as Bucky opened the bathroom door and walked out with just a towel around his hips.  

 

* * *

Bucky's POV

"Food's here and there's clothes on the bed for you." Peggy pointed to the bedroom. I looked in to see clothes laying out on the bed and nodded at her before walking into the bedroom. I put on what she'd set out for me and went out into the living room to stand in front of her.

"Is this how they're supposed to be?" I asked, gesturing at the clothes. She stood up and walked around me, checking the fit.

"Oh good!" she said, her expression clear. "They fit better than I thought they would." Her beautiful face became more serious. I noticed she was holding herself ready to move and keeping out of my reach. "Do you remember Natalia, Bucky?"

I was surprised at the sudden change of subject, but I did have my memories of her, not all of them, but some. "Yes, she is here?"

"She brought supper," said Natalia, coming out of the kitchen with plates and forks in her hands and a bottle of her favorite vodka. Peggy walked around the other side of me, staying a couple steps back.

"Hello, Natalia. It is good to see you again." I said, coolly formal as I stood ramrod stiff, hands behind my back in parade rest. I was not allowed to touch Natalia Romanova – under promise of severe punishment – unless I was given leave to do so.

Natalia set everything on the table before going slowly over to me. She ran her hands through my shorter hair and over my freshly shaven face as I stood rigidly still in front of her. Her touch, as always, affected me, making me want to reach for her.

"Hello, James. You look like yourself again, at least how I remembered you the first time I saw you all those years ago." Natalia smiled fondly at me, walking around me as she looked at me closely.

My eyes followed her, betraying my interest, but I didn't move a muscle towards her, even though I wanted to. She stopped in front of me, holding my gaze with her beautiful green eyes. "You are free from Hydra now, James, there is no one here to tell you what to do and no one to punish you. You can touch me, if you like."

This was too good to be true; this had to be another test they thought I would fail so they could punish me. For so long, to even be in the same room as her was cause enough for my handlers to inflict pain on me; to touch her was unthinkable. A thought occurred to me and I voiced it. "Alexi?" I said quietly, still unmoving. He had first claim to this woman. His wife was not to be anywhere near me, for her sake as well as mine. They would punish her if they knew, and I didn't want to be the cause of it.

It took Natalia a couple heartbeats to respond, a bittersweet smile on her face and emotion in her voice. "Alexi Is long dead, not that you ever let him stop you when first we met."

I reached for her then, pulling Natalia into my arms and kissing her with all the years of stored up passion I'd been holding back. Her response was just as heated and she melted into me until I couldn't tell where I ended and she began.

 

* * *

Sarah's POV

Their kiss made the one Bucky gave me earlier look like a mere peck. I took that as my cue to leave and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up. I stripped, grabbing a new towel out of the closet. I stepped into the shower and lathered up, taking my time and letting the hot water relax me.

I finally got out and dried off, running my brush through my thick hair and spraying on some detangler. I put on body spray and wrapped the towel around myself to walk into my bedroom. They were still embracing, so I got dressed in a pair of shorts, and a tight running tank top. I went back into the bathroom to hang up my towel and pull my wet hair up into a messy bun.

Uncomfortable with staying there with them, I grabbed my phone and keys to go switch my laundry. They were so absorbed in each other that neither of them heard me leaving. I took my sweet time, semi folding the clothes before putting the last load in the dryer. There was still something between Bucky and Natasha, and while I wasn't sure what their relationship was, I wanted them to be able to be together, if that's what they wanted. It didn't matter _why_ Bucky came back, as long as he stayed until Steve got home.

Seeing them together made me miss Steve even more than I usually did when he was away. This was the longest we had been apart since we had started seeing each other, and it would be two weeks before he'd be back. I wanted to call Steve, but he said he wouldn't have signal again for a couple of days. They had been almost ready to leave when he had called earlier today, so while it hadn't been a long conversation, it was good to hear his voice. 

I wished I could tell Steve about Bucky, but when we returned from Kiev, we hadn't been sure Bucky would even come here. I hadn't wanted to get Steve's hopes up only for them to be dashed if Bucky never showed. But now that he was here, I couldn't wait for Steve to get back. Until then, we would just have to work on helping Bucky get his memories back.

My phone buzzed and I glanced at it as I smiled to myself; Nat had finally noticed I was gone. I picked up the laundry basket and walked back to my apartment, letting myself back in. I set the basket in my room before going back out to the living room.

Bucky and Natasha were sitting on they couch side by side, legs touching. Natasha had dished us up and I knelt on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. It was disconcerting to see Bucky looking so much like Jace; I could now sympathize with how my similarity to Peggy was confusing to him and Steve. It would take me a little bit to memorize the differences to fix the new Bucky in my mind.

Natasha poured generous glasses of vodka for us. "Did you have any trouble getting here?" she asked Bucky.

"It took a little longer to shake my tails than I thought it would. I didn't want to lead them to Peggy."

"I'm Sarah, Bucky. Not Peggy." Bucky chewed on a big piece of beef, looking at me and back to Natasha, who nodded.

"She really is Sarah. How old are you, Sarah?"

"18." I took a bite of my lomein, letting Natasha handle this one.

"How old was Peggy the last time you saw her, James?"

He thought for a moment before answering.    "24. I was 28."

"What's Peggy's birthday?"

"April 9th."

"Mine's May 5th, James. I was born in 1994." I said, taking another bite. "In New York, not England."

"We don't know why Sarah looks so much like Peggy, but we also don't know why her friend Jace is the spitting image of you, either. At least he's related to you. He'll be here tomorrow, so you can meet him then."

Bucky was looking at me, confusion written on his face. "Sarah? Have you always been Sarah?"

"Yes, I've always been Sarah. I've never said I was anyone else, Bucky. Do you still want me to call you Bucky or would you prefer I call you James like Nat does?"

We ate in silence while he thought that through. "I like how you call me Bucky, Sarah, but I don't know who Bucky really is. I don't remember being him."

"It's fine. I can call you James as well. I don't mind, really."  I smiled at him before taking a sip of my vodka. The peppery tang burned its way down my throat.

"I will try to remember to call you Sarah. It might take a while for me to remember to do it all of the time."

"I'll remind you if you forget. When's your birthday, James?"

"March 10th, 1917."

"You're a year older than Steve, then. Will you stay here with me until Steve gets back or would you prefer to stay at Natalia's?"

"I'll stay with you," he said decisively. "Natalia said she is gone often and that it would be better for me to stay here. Who is Steve?"

I looked over at Natasha, who shrugged. "How much do you remember from when you were young, growing up in Brooklyn?"

He looked at her blankly. "There's a bridge in Brooklyn. A big one."

I nodded. "I think we should visit the museum tomorrow. Maybe that will help."

"Make sure he wears a hat. Jace too." Natasha smiled, and I remembered how many times Jace and I got asked for autographs and if we were cosplayers the last time we went to the exhibit.

"At least some of the signatures would be authentic this time." I said with a grin. Bucky – James – gave us a confused look. "Remember when I told you about the Smithsonian? Have you been there yet?"

"I remember, but I haven't been there yet. I found you faster than I thought I would. I just got into DC two days ago."

"Great. We're going to the museum tomorrow. First thing, as soon as it opens. Nat, can you tell Maria I'm taking the day off?"

"Sure. I don't do public places like that, not even on a weekday. Have fun." She sat her plate on the table and settled back into the couch, taking a long drink of her vodka.

I felt my phone buzz, so I pulled it out. Natasha's arrangements for Jace to be excused from Shield's Ops Academy for at least a couple days were coming through because Jace wanted to know if he was supposed to leave right then.


	5. Regrets

Sarah's POV   
I smiled as I looked up at James and Natasha. "Jace will be here later tonight."

"Who is Jace?" asked James, confused again.

"He's the one who looks like you in my pictures. He's family." I smiled wider as I realized he was family to both of us, because Jace was like a brother to me.

"I don't have a family; at least I don't think I do."

"You do, just so you know. Your sister and brothers are all still alive. Jace is your great-nephew, so he can fill you in on what you've missed there. He's my best friend, James."

"Then I shall be pleased to meet him."

Natasha's phone buzzed and she pulled it out to look at it. "I have to go. Clint's wondering where I am." She drained her glass and set it on the table.

"See you tomorrow?"

"I'll let you know. Bye, James. I'll see you later." She leaned over and pecked James on the cheek before standing up and walking out the door. He stared after her for a moment, so I stood up and starting gathering up the dishes and garbage. Between us, we had finished it all.

"Who is Clint and why would he wonder where Natalia is?"

I looked over at him to see that he was frowning. "He's her room mate and best friend."

"He's more than that to her."

I nodded. "Yes, sometimes he is. Not right now, I don't think, though."

"What is Clint to you, Peggy?"

"Sarah," I corrected him.

"Sorry, Sarah – what is he to you?"

I could tell this wasn't an idle question; I answered him honestly. "He's a good friend and partner. I've worked with him for a while now. He's saved my ass more than once."

I took all of our plates to the kitchen and sat them in the sink, along with Nat's empty glass. I came back into the living room and looked around. "If you're still hungry, I can make you something else to eat, if you want."

He shook his head. "No, I've had enough for now. I'll be sick if I eat any more."

Which meant this wasn't the first time he had been without eating for long enough to know that his stomach would rebel if he ate very much. "I know what you mean, but when was the last time you ate before now?"

He shrugged, "I don't remember; maybe a couple of days ago?"

I guessed that it had been more than that. I sat down on the other end of the couch, looking at him sadly. "I'm sorry, James."

"Don't be. I did what I had to do to keep from getting followed again."

"Are you tired, James?" He shook his head and I looked at the clock. It was only 8, so I wasn't tired either and Jace would be here soon. "Do you want to watch a movie with me? I'm not ready to sleep either."

"Can I go to the cinema wearing this?" He gestured at his outfit and I smiled.

"We don't have to leave the house; we can watch a movie here on my TV." I found the remote and started the TV, opening Netflix. He watched what I was doing, but didn't say anything. I glanced over at him. "If you want to know something, just ask. I don't know what you already know, so I'm going to assume you are about where Steve was when I first met him." Which meant that he would have a basic understanding of technology, but no knowledge of how to run it.

Steve and I had made our way through most of the Disney movies already, so I went back through the recently watched until I got to Tangled. It was one of my favorites, and I thought James might like it as well. I started it, then gathered up the rest of the dishes and took them into the kitchen. I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave and wet a dishrag while I was waiting for it to finish popping. I took the rag out to the living room and wiped off the coffee table, leaving James' half full vodka glass.

"Would you like some water, James?"

"Yes, please."

I filled two glasses of water and dumped the popcorn in a bowl, taking it out to the living room. I set everything on the coffee table and went to hit the lights, grabbing my blanket out of the laundry basket and taking it with me. The movie was just starting, so I settled in near James and covered myself with the blanket. I picked up the popcorn bowl and held it so both of us could reach. James watched me eat some before he took a piece. He chewed it, a contemplative expression on his face that made me smile.

"It's popcorn, James. With some butter on it for taste."

He smiled. "I remember this now. It's been a long time since I've had it."

"I like to eat popcorn when I watch movies. It helps me stay awake a little longer."

"I'm sorry, Peggy. If you are tired, we can certainly go to bed."

"Sarah, James. I'm Sarah. But no, I'm not really tired, I just tend to fall asleep watching movies. Selective narcolepsy, I guess." I flashed him a grin and he returned my smile.

We finished the popcorn quickly; I handed him the bowl after a couple handfuls and he polished it off. I curled into my favorite spot on the other end of the couch and watched James reacting to the movie.

*                *                *

James' POV  
Sarah fell asleep not very long into the movie, waking up somewhat when a loud scene came on. I pulled her over onto me, laying her head on my chest. I gently brushed my hand over her face as she closed her eyes again, and sighed, smiling, before going back to sleep. I watched her sleeping more than I watched the movie, drinking in the sight of her laying peacefully on me. I knew that she said she really wasn't Peggy, but she was like her in many ways. She had been skittish earlier, but I understood that having me show up unexpectedly would do that to most people. She wasn't actually scared of me, just reasonably cautious.

She woke up a while later, as the credits were rolling. She looked up, surprised to see me watching her sleep with a small smile on my face.

"Hey. Sorry, I guess I fell asleep," she sat up and stretched, yawning.

"It's okay. You warned me you might." I reached over and tucked a stray curl back behind her ear. "I didn't mind. Are you ready for bed now?"

"Yes, but Jace isn't here yet, so it's pointless to go to bed." She shifted, leaning back against the arm of the couch and facing me. "I'm glad you came here, James. I know that there are a lot of things you'll have to learn again, but Nat and I are willing to help you."

"It's good you found me in Kiev when you did, Sarah. Otherwise, I might never have known you."

"Are you disappointed that I'm not who you thought I was?"

"A little. I think I left a lot of things unsaid during the war. There was never a guarantee that any of us would ever return home, after all. I guess I never did."

"Until now that is; better late than never." She flashed me a small smile before putting her arms around her legs. She was quiet, and I wondered what she was thinking. I didn't have to wait long before she took a deep breath and met my eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Did you ever tell Peggy that you loved her?"

I wasn't expecting her to ask me that, and I thought about what I remembered of Peggy. I think Peggy knew how I felt about her, but I couldn't be sure. I didn't trust my memory to not play tricks on me. "No, I never did, I don't think. Not in so many words."

"You were lovers, though." She leaned her chin on her knees, watching me. I nodded after thinking for a bit.

"Yes. Once that I do remember. We were separated from the rest of our group somehow during a heavy blizzard. We took shelter in a barn overnight; it was freezing cold and we laid together for warmth, waiting for the storm to pass." I smiled in remembrance as bits and pieces came to me. "One thing led to another and we were doing more than just sharing warmth. I had thought that she didn't like me because she always avoided me. Turned out that she did have feelings for me, she just hadn't planned on doing anything about it." I frowned, "I don't remember why, but there was a reason why we couldn't be together."

I fell quiet again, trying to find the rest of that memory and failing.

"You've never told anyone about that before?" Sarah eventually asked and I shook my head. "James, I've been wondering this for a while now and I'd like to know; when we were together in Kiev, what year did you think it was?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. Time is something I struggle with since the Winter Soldier was only pulled out of cryofreeze for specific missions. Usually by the time I got my bearings, I was going back into cryo. It could be months or years between missions." I shrugged. It hadn't really ever bothered me that I didn't know when I was; I was taken places to do specific jobs. She reached for my hand, a wistful look on her beautiful face. I didn't know what made her sad, but I didn't like seeing that.

"Do you know what year it is now?"

"Sometimes. I know it's 2012 because I see calendars and signs, but that doesn't always register with me. Being with you in Kiev took me back to '45. It was like we picked up right where we left off, but I guess we didn't really."

"I'm sorry. I should have tried harder to get you to see that I wasn't her." She ran her thumb over my metal knuckles, caressing the metal like she would a normal hand.

I shook my head, reaching over to stroke her face with the back of my human fingers. "It wouldn't have mattered what you did. In my mind, you were my Peggy finally come back to me and I wasn't going to let you go again without a fight." I twined her fingers with mine. "Besides, if you hadn't been the Peggy I remembered then, I wouldn't have sought you out. I would still be in Russia under Hydra's thumb, probably back in cryo again. That's not a life I would choose for anyone."

I saw the tear falling from her long lashes and pulled her into my lap, grateful that she didn't resist me because I felt the need to hold her. She rested her head on my chest and I kissed the top of her head, breathing in her scent. "I'm so very grateful you found me, Sarah. You gave me a strong enough reason for me to finally get away from them."

She had brought me back to myself enough to make me want to get away from Hydra while I had the chance, and I would never forget that. I ran my hands slowly up and down her back, the feel of her soft skin along with her intoxicating smell was more than enough to make my body respond to her. I forced myself to keep control of my urges, now wasn't the time, as skittish of me as she was already.

Eventually, she pulled back from me so she could see my face. I pushed her curly hair out of her face, stroking her smooth cheek with the pad of my thumb. I could look at her like this forever and not get bored.

"What are you thinking, James?"

"That things are finally looking up for a change. I understand that you're not Peggy, but I must have done something right to get a second chance with you." I wasn't going to waste this chance, either; I wasn't going to let her slip through my fingers again.

She sighed and her lips quirked. "Steve said pretty much the same thing once he accepted I wasn't Peggy."

"What did you tell him?"

She shifted in my lap so she could see me more easily. I was thankful she didn't try to move away from me. "Well, there's a little more to the story than that. I had just told him that if it was too difficult for me to live next door to him, I would move to a different apartment building. Having just found me, how would you take it if I told you I was moving away from you for your own good?"

I shook my head at her. "I sure as hell wouldn't let you do that. It would be like losing you all over again." My arms tightened around her at the thought, panic rising in my chest, making it feel like I couldn't breathe. I pulled her close and buried my face in her hair again, breathing hard. She was quiet, running one hand up and down my arm soothingly. After a couple minutes, she pulled back so she could see my face again.

"You two are more alike than you will ever know, James." She stroked my face, her fingers gently tracing the planes. "He said that as well."

"What did you tell him then?"

"That we only regret the chances we don't take."

I exhaled sharply. "I have more regrets than I care to remember, Sarah. You were never one of them." I closed the distance between us and kissed her gently. "Not then, not now."

Her lips were soft, and I explored them fully, getting her to open her mouth to allow me to tease her tongue with mine. She tasted slightly of popcorn and vodka, with an underlying sweet hint of Sarah as well. She rested her hand on my cheek, as I tangled my fingers in her hair as I deepened the kiss and slid my hand down her back and under her shirt, her skin by far the softest thing I'd ever felt.

She pulled back from me, breathing hard. Her eyes were slightly wild, dark with passion. "James, we shouldn't do this."

"I won't just let you just walk away from me, Sarah; not without giving it my best shot. I'm going to fight for you like I should have back then." I didn't understand why she kept trying to distance herself from me.  "You can't tell me you're not attracted to me. I can see how you look at me." I ran my metal fingers over her cheek, cupping her chin so she would look up at me. "Give me a chance, Sarah."

"What do you mean by giving you a chance?"

"Let me show you what you mean to me."

"I don't think that's a good idea."  She started shaking her head and tried to push off of me.

"Sarah." I resisted, holding her in place. I had startled her intensely; she wasn't going to just walk away if I let go right now, she was going to run.

"You don't know what you're asking of me, James. I shouldn't...would you have shared Peggy with Steve?"

I flashed her a grin; I disliked the thought, but I knew she was wavering, even if she didn't realize that herself. "Yes. I think I would have if Steve and I were as close as you say. How do you know he'll object?"

She didn't have an answer for that one, and I knew it. She wouldn't have asked the question if there hadn't been a small niggle of doubt. I was determined to show her that she felt as strongly about me as I did about her.

"Don't think, just feel." I kissed her again, deeply, slowly, stroking her tongue with mine, not pulling back until we were both breathless. "What do you feel when I kiss you?" She was still thinking, trying to come up with an answer that she'd be willing to tell me. "Tell me the truth, Sarah; not what you _think_ you should tell me." I kissed her again, gently, not stopping until I felt her guard drop and she put her arms around me. "What do you feel?" I asked when I pulled back this time, resting my forehead on hers and meeting her eyes.

"Too much," she sighed. "I feel too much."

"Good or bad?"

"Both." She rested her forehead on my shoulder, trying to hide her expressive face from me.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked as I put a hand under her chin and tipped her face up, holding her eyes with mine, suddenly certain that she wanted this as much as I did. I didn't know _how_ I knew that, but I did.

"No," she whispered, swallowing hard. "I should, but I don't want you to stop, James."

I crushed her mouth to mine, running my hands up and down her body. Her hands did the same as I shifted her so she was straddling me. She tentatively reached for the hem of my shirt, to slide her hands over my skin, so I drew it up and off of me so she could touch my body as she wished. Her fingers traced where metal met flesh before she ran them down my arm. I closed my eyes and breathed out a groan as she pressed her lips to the metal. I drew in a deep, shaky, breath as she kissed the red star on my shoulder.

"You don't know how good that feels, Sarah." I rasped, kissing down her neck.

"You like it when I touch you like this?"

"Yes."

I inhaled deeply as she continued to explore my arm, not used to being touched with such care. I kissed her neck again, sliding my hands under her shirt, her skin soft under my fingers. She slid her hand back from my arm, resting it on my heart, not knowing how much she had wound me up. I kissed her again, holding her tight to me until she pulled back, leaning her forehead on mine.

"We need to stop. Jace will be here soon, James."

"And?" I brushed her hair back from her face, searching her eyes.

"And he has keys to my place."

Which meant he could walk in unannounced at any time. I reluctantly let her go, understanding that she didn't want whoever this Jace was to see us together like this. She tossed me my shirt before walking into  the kitchen with the rest of our dishes and the bottle of vodka. I emptied my glass in one swallow and pulled my shirt on before taking the empty glass into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously as I watched her run bubbly water in the sink.

"Dishes. I like to have everything all cleaned up before I go to bed."

I watched her, and I knew I had seen this before. I saw a flash of a memory - it had been a long time ago, and a different woman had stood at the sink, wearing a dress with an apron over it.

"Did you ever watch your mother doing the dishes when you were younger?" She flashed me a smile, seeing my eyes on her.

"Maybe. The motions are familiar, but I haven't seen them in a very long time."

I stood there watching her, leaning against the counter by her. I straightened when a noise caught my attention. There were several people coming up the stairs and then I heard a heavy footfall in the hallway near the door. The clink of metal had me pivoting towards the door. I pulled the pistol from the waistband of my pants, shifting so I could see who would come through the door. My motion had alerted Sarah to the arrival and she shot into motion, glass shattered on the floor as she put herself between me and the door, alarm on her beautiful face.

"It's just my friend Jace, James. I know his tread," she said as she hit the mag release on my gun, catching it before it could hit the floor.

"<Peggy, do you want them to take me? Give it back!>" I stared at her in bewilderment, lowering the gun, holding my hand out for the magazine she held as I heard shouting and more noise in the hallway. I cursed my lack of weapons, not having places to put them in this civilian gear.

Peggy shook her head and tucked it between her breasts, keeping on hand on my arm. "<James, there's no one coming for you. It's only Jace in the hallway.>" She was stronger than she looked, but I roughly took her hands from me and shoved her behind me, out of the line of fire if they breached her apartment, but she kept moving, coming in front of me again.

"<Please don't shoot my best friend, he doesn't heal like I do,>" Peggy pleaded; I just didn't  understand why she would say that. I heard the lock open and raised my arm again over her since she kept herself in between me and the door. "<James, is there one in the chamber?>"

"<Of course. I won't let them take me from you again, Peggy.>"

I didn't look at her, focusing on my target. The door opened and a younger man walked in, looking in at the living room. I heard a thud as something landed heavily on the floor and tensed, rapidly shifting to site in my target, going for a kill shot and anticipating more coming through the door. I knew they wouldn't only send one man after me.

"Jace, floor!" Peggy barked in English and the man instantly dove to the floor as I squeezed the trigger. She yanked on my arm at the last second and the shot missed, going into her bicep. I pulled her behind me again, horrified at what I had done, but still waiting for the man to attack me or the others I had heard in the hallway enter the apartment.

"<Dammit, James! I told you not to shoot him,>" she muttered as she took the empty gun from me, setting it on the counter before moving to place herself between me and the living room again, one hand held over the wound in her arm.   

"Sarah? What's going on? I'm coming in the kitchen," the intruder asked in English.

"<Why would you do that?>" I asked her, one eye on the doorway. I didn't understand why she would deliberately take a bullet for that man, but there was no other way I could interpret her actions. The man addressed her like he knew her, adding to my confusion.

"Not yet – shut the door, Jace!" she ordered in English, keeping her eyes on me. "English, James – you've lapsed back into Russian again. Who did you think was coming in the door?"

I made an effort to shift languages, not realizing I had done so earlier. "I thought it was Hydra - I heard men in the hallway - I thought they'd found me somehow."   

The anger drained from her expression, replaced by sadness. "It's not Hydra, it's only my 18 year old friend. Are you going to hurt him if I call him in here?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Jace, come in slowly, keep your hands where he can see them."

"Sarah, what the hell is going on?"

I heard myself talking, but it wasn't myself. I was startled to see a younger version of myself walk into the room, hands raised defensively in front of him. Sarah turned slightly, not taking her eyes from me.

"Jace, I'd like you to meet your great-uncle, James Buchanan Barnes, also known as Bucky."

"You're joking, right?" the boy said flatly, staring at Sarah. "Bucky died in 1945."

I didn't remember being 18, but I still somehow knew what I'd looked like. His cerulean eyes were slightly darker than my own and the chestnut hair was same shade as mine, just a lot shorter.

"So did Steve, yet you know him to be alive and well." She turned back to me, her eyes holding mine. "James, this is my best friend, Jace Barnes, your great-nephew." Blood was running through her fingers and down her arm, dripping on the floor and puddling next to her. "If you think you can keep from killing Jace for the next couple minutes, I need to look at this."

"Sarah? Were you hit?" the boy - Jace - asked, looking closely at her. Her injured arm was away from him and he couldn't see it from where he was standing, but he could see the growing crimson puddle on the floor; his eyes flicked from her to me.

I nodded, dropping my eyes from hers. "I will leave him be. I'm sorry, Sarah."

"Stay here, James. I'll talk to you in a little bit."

She calmly walked past us to the bathroom, leaving a trail of blood and red footprints behind; she'd stepped in the puddle at some point. I closed my eyes and turned away from the sight, guilt clawing at me. I'd killed many people over the years and the sight of blood had never bothered me until now; seeing those small red footprints leading away from me on the wooden floor and knowing it was _her_ blood made my throat tighten as I swallowed convulsively.

"Jace, call Nat and tell her to get back here," Sarah ordered. "Have you talked to Kate?"

Glass crunching made me open my eyes again. Jace was walking out of the kitchen to talk to Sarah, staying in my line of sight. I tensed when he reached into his pocket, but he only pulled out a phone.

"She's not home. I called her on the way into town, but she didn't answer."

"Good, then we're the only ones on this floor tonight. Thank goodness James uses a silencer or I'd have to answer a lot of questions I'd really rather not answer."

She closed the bathroom door quietly, and I'd have felt better if she'd slammed it shut instead. I didn't understand how she wasn't angry with me for shooting her; most people either ran away or came after me if I shot at them.

Jace held the phone up to his ear and walked past me into the kitchen, waiting for the person on the other end to answer. He unrolled some paper towels from the holder and held them under the faucet to wet them. I didn't know what he was doing until he bent down and started wiping up the footprints leading from the puddle of blood.

"Natalia, where the hell are you?" Jace said when she answered. I wondered at him taking that tone of voice with her; she'd killed men for doing less to annoy her. "Sarah said to get back here. Uncle Bucky shot her." There was another pause. "In the arm," he said as he knelt down to scrub at a large drop. "I don't know, she won't let me see, but there's a decent amount of blood." He moved to the next red print. "No, _don't_ tell Clint. You _know_ what he'll do–"

He got more towels to put on the puddle, and soak it up, focusing on doing that before he finished wiping the red prints and drops of blood from the wooden floor. He started at the kitchen, working towards the bathroom door as I listened to the end of his conversation.

"We'll talk about it after you get here. Are you on your way? Good, see you in a few. Bye." He shoved the phone in his pocket and threw the red tinged towels away, washing his hands at the sink to get the blood off of them. He pulled a broom out of a small closet, walking towards me with it. "Can you sweep up the glass so Sarah doesn't cut her feet?"

I nodded hesitantly, and pushed the glass into a pile. I used the pan attached to the broom to pick it up and throw it away as I heard Jace knock on the bathroom door.

 

*         *         *

Sarah's POV

"Sarah? I'm coming in." Jace said as he knocked on the bathroom door once before walking in.

I was sitting on the edge of the tub, holding the tied off towel ends for my tourniquet between my teeth. I almost had the bullet out, but I was working from an awkward angle and kept losing it, to my frustration.

"Is it still in there?" He asked, pulling the towel from between my teeth and tightening it for me. I held the knot in place and handed Jace the tweezers.

"Yup. Almost had it, but I keep losing it."

"Did it hit anything major? You didn't break anything, did you?"

"No, it didn't hit the artery, not enough blood for that, but it's not far off. Nothing broken – 9mm round at point blank range – the bone stopped it. It's going to bleed a bit when you pull that out."

He leaned down to try and find the bullet. "Yeah, I remember that from the last time." He grinned up at me. "Thanks for not letting Uncle Bucky shoot me, by the way."

"You're welcome. He would only have gotten you in the leg the way I jerked on his arm." I gritted my teeth as he searched for the bullet - that feeling was the part I hated the most. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, so I was glad he'd come to help me.

"Still wouldn't have felt great. I take it you couldn't disarm him?" He got the tweezers around the bullet and pulled it out, holding a washcloth over the hole to catch the gush of blood that followed the removal.

I shook my head. "He wasn't himself at that moment, and I wasn't sure what would happen if he thought I was attacking him, too. At least he was using his human arm; no way in hell would I have been able to move his cybernetic arm. I'm strong, but not _that_ strong."

"I haven't even begun to process that one yet. My great-uncle is still alive and has a metal arm."

"Wrap this up and go check on him for me? Please?" I handed him the Ace bandage and a gauze pad. "I don't want him to be alone for too long."

"Yeah, sure. Natalia should be here soon. She said ten minutes when I called her."   

Jace removed the washcloth and placed the pad firmly over the wound. I raised my arm slightly so he could wind the wrap around my arm. He clipped it in place and smiled slightly as he went back out of the bathroom.

I leaned down to clean up the bloody mess on the floor and wet a clean washcloth to wipe the rest of the drying blood off my arm and leg. I hadn't gotten too much on my clothes, but I was going to need to change, afraid of how James would react if he saw me in bloody clothes.

I walked into my bedroom and shut the door before stripping. Taking the loaded magazine from between my breasts, I tossed it on my bed and found another pair of shorts and an old t-shirt to wear. I took my clothes into the bathroom and put peroxide on them before setting them in the hamper.


	6. Guilty

James' POV  
I forced myself not to move defensively when I heard light footsteps on the stairs and in the hall. My eyes flicked up to see Natalia come in and shut the door behind her. She looked around and then came into the kitchen where I was still standing. I flinched when she put her hand on my human arm.

"James, are you all right?" she said in English and I realized I had been thinking in Russian. I made a mental shift and made myself think in English again.

"I shot Peggy, Natalia." I stared over her shoulder, waiting for Peggy to come out of her bedroom.

"Sarah?" she corrected and I nodded. "How did you manage to shoot Sarah, James?"

"I thought they were coming for me. I didn't know she could move so fast or that she was so strong. She pulled my arm down to make me miss and I shot her. I could have killed her, Natalia!"

Natalia put her hand on my face so I would look at her. "It would take more than a shot in the arm to kill her; she's a lot tougher than she looks. I'm sure she isn't angry with you." She put her arms around me and pulled me tight, holding on to me until the tension left me. I wasn't used to being touched like this – like I was needed – but I liked it.

"I shouldn't have left you earlier, James," she whispered. "I'm sorry; I just needed a little time to process everything."

I stroked her face, looking into her beautiful green eyes. "I don't think you being here would have changed anything. I probably still would have reacted the same way."

She covered my hand with her own."I still should have waited until Jace got here. Meeting him had to have been a shock for you."

"He looks more like me than I do, Natalia." I gave her a wry grin and she shook her head.

"No, you are still you, James. You look the same now as when I first knew you all those years ago."

"As do you." I raised an eyebrow at her. "How is that possible? Did they put you in cryofreeze as well?"

Her answering smile was brittle. "They gave me a serum to make me stronger, faster, more dangerous. I am the Black Widow, James."

"You were then, too, Natalia." I kissed her gently. "You were my best student."

Natalia took over the kiss, deepening it. I was still fascinated by her all these years later, never able to get enough of her. She pulled away sooner than I would have liked, but forestalled my protest with a finger to my lips. "Later. We have all the time we want and no one to stand in the way."

"Yes."

I let her go and she walked into the living room, tugging me behind her. She steered me forward, guiding me to the couch. Jace was just coming out of the bathroom when he looked up to see us. His eyes lit up when he saw Natalia, and he came around to her, pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her cheek.

"Thanks for coming, Natalia." Jace let go of her and flicked his eyes at me. "I take it this is your doing?"

She laughed and patted his cheek, perching on the arm of the couch by me. "No, you have to ask Sarah about it. She found him in Kiev and convinced him to come back home."

He huffed out a laugh. "Somehow, I think I should have known that. I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner."

"You would have believed us when we said we found _the_ Bucky Barnes alive and well in Russia with a rather peculiar case of amnesia?"

"I suppose it sounds crazy when you say it like that, especially since he's been presumed dead for almost 70 years." Jace pulled a chair in from the kitchen and turned it around, sitting backwards on it and leaning on the back of the chair.

I looked at Jace closely, wondering at the relationship between him and Natalia. They were friends, but I didn't think there was any more to it than that, at least not yet. He was physically around the same age as she was. She would have been 18 when she had graduated from the Red Room, and she didn't look like she had aged very much since then. 

I knew when Sarah was behind me; I saw Jace's eyes flick past me right before I smelled her perfume. She had changed clothes and looked a little pale. My eyes met hers and Natalia kept her hand firmly on my shoulder to keep me seated. Sarah sat on my other side like she had earlier, her back to the arm of the couch, legs up in front of her. I handed her the blanket and she took it, settling it over herself.

"I'm so sorry, Sarah," I said, studying her. "Are you all right?"

"I'll be fine in a day or two," she said, smiling slightly. "I'm not angry with you, James. You weren't _trying_ to shoot me, after all. I just put myself between you and your target." She gestured at Jace. "You were trying to protect me, but I wouldn't stay put; you really believed Jace was after you."

I nodded, looking over at my twin. "I would like to apologize for my actions tonight. Jace, I am sorry I attempted to shoot you."

"Thanks." He gave me a familiar grin. "You aren't going to try again, are you? Because I don't heal as fast as Sarah."

Sarah laughed and Natalia scoffed as I looked at him curiously. He wasn't scared of me even though I had told him I tried to shoot him. I wondered if I had been the same at his age, back before the war.

"No, I will not try again."

"Copy that, Sarge." He saluted me jauntily and I stared at him. The motion, while respectful, was unexpected, and tugged at another long ago memory, of soldiers and combat.

"Why would you do that?" I asked him. "Why would you salute me?"

"You were a Sargent in the 107th and the SSR before you died – well, I guess you didn't die – before you disappeared and everyone thought you were dead – so you outrank me, Uncle Bucky. You have no idea how great it is to meet you." He grinned widely.

His youthful enthusiasm made me smile slightly. "While I may actually be old enough to be your great-uncle, just call me James, kid. I've been told I used to be called Bucky, but I don't remember being Bucky yet." I shook my head. "You have no idea how strange this is for me to meet someone who looks so much like me."

"Your siblings have always told me I'm the spitting image of you, especially great-aunt Rebecca."

"I have siblings?" Jace shot Sarah a look that I had no trouble understanding.

"Yes," he said slowly. "You have one sister, Rebecca, and two brothers, John and Ben. My dad, Roger, is the oldest son of your brother John."

Sarah set the blanket aside as she got up and disappeared from my sight, making me anxious.

Natalia spoke quietly in my ear, her hand on my arm. "She's just getting her phone to show you pictures of what your family looks like now."

Sarah settled back onto the couch next to me a moment later and handed me her phone. "This is from Jace's high school graduation. The whole family was was there for it."

"Not the extended family," Jace said with a grin. "Just the close family. There's a lot of Barnes, James."

"I'm seeing that." I ran my human hand over the picture, enlarging it and looking at all the faces. "I don't remember any of them, though."

"That's why I'm here." Jace said, smiling. "Director Gregg gave me a week off from Ops to help you maybe start to remember things, thanks to Nat."

"Let me guess," Sarah said with a grin, "you just have to show him a picture of you two together?"

Jace smiled back at her with a crooked grin that I knew all too well. It was strange seeing it on him instead of in the mirror. "Yup. He says to tell you to call him on his secure line when you get a chance."

"I will. I haven't talked to Uncle Kev in a while anyways."

I handed Sarah her phone and she scrolled through her pictures before showing me another one of some of the people from the first photograph.

"This is Jace's dad, Roger, his mom, Jessica, Jace and his twin brothers, James and Grant." I looked over at him, raising an eyebrow at their names.

He shrugged and smiled. "I share your middle name, Jace Buchanan Barnes. My brothers are James John for you and my grandpa and Grant Steven for your best friend, Steven Grant Rogers. My dad got to pick that one. He's a huge Cap fan."

"Cap?"

"Captain America," Jace clarified.

"Who is Captain America?" I asked, still confused.

Jace shared a look with Natalia, who shook her head and made a couple quick gestures at him, which obviously meant something, because he nodded.

What do those gestures mean?" I asked, furrowing my brows. I'd seen them used before by people in the streets sometimes.

"They're sign language," Sarah said. "One of our friends is partly deaf, so we learned to sign when we were kids so she could join in the conversation when she didn't have her hearing aids in. One of my teammates is also deaf, so I sometimes use it to communicate with him."

"Like military sign language?"

"Yes and no, same concept – nonverbal speech – different signs."

I nodded my understanding.

"James, how is it that you only look like you're in your twenties when you're really 95 years old?" Jace asked, studying me.

"I haven't aged since 1943, Jace." I said, not knowing why I remembered that detail. it must have been important at one time.

Jace looked at me thoughtfully. "When you were captured by Hydra, Steve said he found you in a separate place from everyone else, strapped to a table and mentally confused. He thinks that they were experimenting on you then."   

"It wouldn't surprise me." I said bitterly. "Hydra enjoyed many forms of human experimentation."   

"Well, whatever they did made it so you could survive falling hundreds of feet from a train while on a mission in 1945," Jace said, looking over at Natalia.

"They gave you the serum, then, James." Natalia put her hand on my arm. "It must have been an earlier version of the one they gave me. I've seen photographs of you before the war and you were not nearly as well developed physically as you are now. I know your endurance is greater than mine and you are considerably stronger than I am. Do you also heal at an accelerated rate?"

"Yes. Gunshot wounds are gone in hours, broken bones are knitted in a day – two at the most if it was a particularly bad fracture."

"I'm assuming you know that from experience." Sarah said, meeting my eyes. "I saw the scars on your body back in Kiev. You've had some pretty bad injuries in your life."

"I know exactly how long I have to lay low before going in for treatment. The only times I had to report in early was when this malfunctioned or was damaged." I held up my cybernetic arm. "I remember waking up with it, but I don't remember much before that. Bits and pieces come to me at times, but I know I'm not getting a whole memory a lot of the time."

"How long has your memory been coming back?" Sarah asked.

"Since I met you in Kiev?" I looked at Natalia. "I haven't been wiped since then and this is the longest I've ever been out of cryo since I started going out on assignments."

"It's been a little over a month if you left that day," she said, watching me. I nodded slowly.

"Yes. I checked in and told them I hadn't been able to reach my target, a well protected government official. They gave me three more days before my next check-in, so it would have been four days before they would have realized I went rogue, but they were already following me."

"Are they still watching you?" Jace asked, looking at Sarah with concern.

I shook my head. "I lost my tails in Canada before slipping over the border. I haven't had one since then, but I took a very roundabout way here. I didn't want them to learn about Peggy." Jace shot a speaking glance at Natalia.

"Sarah, James. Her name is Sarah," Natalia corrected me.

I took a deep breath, blowing it out in exasperation. "Sarah," I repeated. "I will remember this, Natalia. I _am_ trying."

She rubbed her hand over my back. "I know you are. It will take time, but we have that now."

"It's frustrating." I jumped to my feet and paced. "I think I know something, but I'm in the wrong time for it to be that person or place."

Sarah came up behind me and put her arm around me. "James, it'll be all right." I turned into her, putting my arms around her and closing my eyes as I buried my face in her neck. It was all getting too much to take in for one day. I just couldn't keep anything straight in my mind right now.

"I hope so, Sarah."

When I calmed down enough to let her go, she smiled up at me. "It's been a long day, and we've given you a lot to think about." That was understating it a bit, but true. "Do you still want to stay with me, or would you rather stay with Natalia? It's your choice, James. Either of us will let you stay."

"I will stay with you, if I'm still welcome here."

Sarah nodded. "You'll always be welcome here, James." She smiled slightly. "This is where you belong."

Jace stood up, taking my measure. "Do I get the couch or the bed?"

I looked at Sarah. "You are not leaving my sight."

I felt anxious when she was away from me for very long. I wouldn't be able to sleep if she was where I couldn't see her or hear her, and I think she understood that.

She only sighed. "I figured as much. Jace, you get the couch or you can sleep at Steve's."

"The couch is fine," he said, crossing his arms in front of him. I had no problem reading his body language. He wasn't going to leave her alone with me yet, still considering me a threat - smart of him not to write me off just because we were related. "It's better than my bed at Ops."

Natalia came up to me and kissed my cheek. "I will see you all in the morning. Good night, James."

"Good night, Natalia," I said, kissing her cheek as well.

She crooked her finger at Jace and he followed her into the hallway, leaving me alone with Sarah.

"You really aren't mad at me?" I stroked her cheek lightly with my fingers, trying to read her expressions but getting mixed messages.

Sarah shook her head slightly. "I'm not mad - I understand _why_ you did what you did. I know my actions confused you, but I couldn't let you shoot my best friend."

"Is he your lover?" I asked, hoping that wasn't why he was here. It would certainly explain things, though, like why she would take a bullet for him. She burst out laughing and the tight feeling left my chest. It was a long moment before she regained control; wiping away her tears of laughter.

"No, I don't think of Jace like that. Eww, that's just plain gross!" She pulled a face at me. "He's my best friend in the whole world. We've been through a lot together - he's almost like a brother to me." Her light mood became wistful. "I wish you could remember Steve. He was your best friend when you were younger."

"I'm sorry, I just can't remember him, but if you say so, he was." The name didn't bring back anything for me yet. I looked down at her arm, seeing that red had seeped through the bandage. "How bad is your injury?"

"It'll be fine. It aches a little, but that's to be expected. It's not the first time I've been shot, and it won't be the last by any means." I stared at her, aghast. She winced at my expression and reached her hand up to touch my cheek. "I shouldn't have told you that, I guess. James, you don't have to be so worried. I heal at an accelerated rate as well, just not as fast as you or Nat." She gestured to her arm. "This will be gone in about two days. Of all of us here tonight, Jace is the only one one who is completely human – no serums, no enhancements. That's why I wanted you to shoot me instead of him."

I was a little surprised to learn that she was enhanced as well, but it made sense. There was no other way a woman of her size would have been able to move me otherwise. "His comment earlier makes sense now that I know that. I would like to see your arm."

"All right. I need to change this bandage anyways. It's come loose."

I followed her into the bathroom and unwound the wrap. Underneath was a blood soaked gauze pad, which she peeled off. I looked at her arm, seeing only a small hole in her bicep that wasn't actively bleeding anymore.

"For as close as you were when I had pulled the trigger, there should be more damage." I looked at her with amazement and she smiled, handing me a bandage.

"I told you, I heal fast. I just need to cover it with this since it's stopped bleeding." I peeled off the backing and gently pressed it in place. I heard the door close and tensed; Sarah quickly took my hand in hers, holding me in place.

"It's just Jace coming back in after talking to Nat." She spoke quickly, squeezing my hand. "Listen to his walk, James. I know his tread; that _is_ him."

Jace appeared at the bathroom door. "Natalia says she'll be back in the morning to go to breakfast."

"Did she say what time?" Sarah let go of my hand and brushed past us on her way out of the bathroom, going into her bedroom.

"No, so around dawn?" Jace replied as we followed her.

"Probably. She usually goes in at 8 if there's nothing specific planned for the day. We just got back the other day, so we shouldn't be sent out again til next week." Sarah dragged a chair over to the closet and climbed on it, reaching up above her head.

"What are you doing?" I asked, walking over to her.

"Getting some pillows down for Jace to use. There's already a blanket on the couch for him." 

I placed my hands on her hips and lifted her down from the chair, setting her on the floor. SHe was smaller than I thought; my hands went all the way around her and almost met. 

"Why don't you let me get it for you?" I suggested, not comfortable seeing her standing on furniture.

"What is it with you 40's guys? I am perfectly capable of getting something from my closet myself." She griped, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Pooka, let him do it." Jace said, leaning against the doorframe, watching us. She glared at him, and sighed, sitting down on the bed.

"The pillows are on the top shelf," she said reluctantly. "Jace usually likes two."

I reached up and grabbed both pillows, handing them to Jace, who took them and retreated, leaving the door wide open behind him. I shut it and looked over at her before coming to sit down next to her.   

"Can I hold you, Sarah?" I rasped out, opening my arms to her; she only hesitated for a second before she put her arm around me and rested her head on my chest. I slid my arms around her and we sat that way for a long time before she spoke.

"You can hold me until I fall asleep, if you'd like, James. If you want to talk some more, that's okay, too, but I'm running on a severe sleep deficit right now, so I can't promise I'll stay awake very long."

"I have a lot of questions."

"I know you do; we'll start on them tomorrow, okay? I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted."

She looked pale and tired, and I remembered that she had lost quite a bit of blood earlier tonight. I let go of her and she got to her to her feet. I stood as well, watching as she turned on the lamp next to the bed before getting under the covers. I turned the overhead lights off and came around to the other side of the bed, laying down on top of the covers; I didn't trust myself around her and she was injured.

She gave me a strange look, but reached over and turned the lamp off before facing me. I could see her just fine in the dark; I rolled to my side so I could stroke her face before bringing her hand to my lips. She smiled as I kissed each one of her fingers before linking my fingers with hers between us.

"Go to sleep, it's quite late."

"Good night, James. I'm glad you're finally here, you know." She moved closer, putting her head on my shoulder. I shifted so she was in a more comfortable position and kissed the top of her head.

"I am too. Good night, Sarah."

 

*         *

I woke up the next morning to see myself staring down at us. A glance from the corner of my eye showed that Peggy was still sleeping with her head on my shoulder and her hand on my heart. There wasn't even light coming from outside the window yet, so I guessed it was around six am.

"What time is it?" I asked quietly, not wanting to wake her yet. It took me a moment to remember who this was – Peggy's friend Jace.

"6:30. Natalia says it's time to get up." His tones were hushed, and he moved closer to the bed.

"She asked you to wake me or told you wake me?"

"Is there a difference?" He replied with a grin and a shrug.

He knew Natalia pretty well, then. "Not really. For the record, kid, don't ever touch me when I'm sleeping. I can't promise not to shoot first and ask questions later."

"You're not armed," he stated, "I'm calling your bluff."

I had the gun from under the pillow in my hand, pointed at him, with the safety off in seconds. "I'm never unarmed and I don't bluff."

He blinked once. "Duly noted. We'll be in the living room."

I nodded, clicking the safety back on and lowering the gun. He backed a couple steps away before turning and walking out the bedroom door, shutting it behind him. I looked down again to see Peggy looking up at me, a slight smile on her face.

"That wasn't very nice, James."

"He woke me up." I brushed her hair back so I could see the amusement on her beautiful face.

She poked my chest with her finger. "You woke me up."

I smiled and leaned down suddenly, capturing her lips with mine, taking her by surprise. She pushed me back as soon as her brain caught up with what was going on, but not before she had responded to me.

"I'm sorry I woke you up, Peggy; I'm not sorry for kissing you."

"Sarah, James. I'm Sarah Evans, remember?"

"I'm sorry, I forgot, Sarah."

Sarah sighed and rolled away from me, getting out of bed. I laid there, watching her pad into the living room and I could have sworn I heard someone punching someone else. Curious, I got up, tucking the gun into the waistband of the sweatpants I wore. Sarah and Jace were scuffling, and it looked like he was losing. My eyes met Natalia's and she smiled at me before looking back at the pair.

"Morning, James. I figured we'd go for breakfast this morning before I go to work," she said quietly.

"Nice call, sending the kid in." I pulled her into my arms and she laid her head on my chest, putting her arms around me. I studied the taller brunette. "Is this normal?"

"For them, yes. He's her best friend, even if it doesn't look like it right now."

"If you say so. It really doesn't look like it, though," I said as he attacked her, not getting past her blocks.

"Give them a couple minutes. He's mad at her."

"What would he be mad at her for?"

"Keeping your existence from him for a month."

"He's just a kid, Natalia!" I protested, drawing back from her so I could read her face. Why would it matter that she hadn't told him she'd found me in Kiev? He couldn't have helped me.

"So's she," Natalia reminded me with a shrug. "They're both 18, James."

"Oh," was all I could say to that.

She'd said she was 18, but I still hadn't really believed her. They must have finished their argument because they were coming back over to us. He had his arm slung easily around her shoulder and she had her arms linked around his waist. They stood together with the ease of a long familiarity and I envied him the way she leaned into him unreservedly. I found myself wishing that she could be like that with me as well.

"I'm going to get in the shower at Steve's," Jace said, letting go of her and grabbing his bag off the floor and heading for the door.

"Okay. See you in a bit," Sarah replied, coming over to where I was standing with Natalia. "I'm going to get in the shower, too." She walked past us and into the bathroom.

I looked at Natalia curiously. "Where is he going?"

"Sarah's boyfriend, Steve, lives next door; Jace has keys to his place, too. This way they both get ready faster. Are you going to take a shower this morning?"

"Boy friend? Like Jace?"

"No, ummm, we used to say suitor or sweetheart, now we just say boyfriend - one word."

"Who is he?" My voice was quiet but firm and my eyes searched Natalia's, anger flaring in my chest that someone else was allowed to kiss her, touch her, and hold her - someone I didn't know but wanted to beat on.

"Steve Rogers. You know him, even if you can't remember him right now. He was your best friend."

"What's he look like?"

Natalia picked up her phone and scrolled until she found a picture. She handed me the phone and I saw Sarah and another man together. He was holding her in his lap and she was leaning into him, holding his hand as they were smiling at the camera. I studied it for a long time before handing her back the phone.

"What are you thinking, James?"

"I don't know." That was true, I didn't know. I was thinking a lot of things right now, but one stood out in my mind, so I said it out loud. "Why did Peggy want me to come back if she'd already moved on?" My chest ached as I realized I had lost Peggy again before I'd found her.

"Sarah is not Peggy, James. You are mixing the two of them together. Sarah was never yours, and I'm not entirely sure Peggy was either."

I closed my eyes, leaning my face on her head. "Who was in that picture, Natalia? Peggy or Sarah?"

"Sarah." Natalia shifted so she could see my face. "Does she respond to you when you kiss her?"

I shook my head. "Not right away, but she's deliberately holding back from me."

Natalia smiled slightly. "I don't blame her. You _do_ come on kind of strong when you're focused on something. She doesn't know you like I do, James. Give her time to get used to you." She kissed my cheek and went to turn away.

I stopped her, pulling her to me. "You do not wish to continue our relations, Natalia?"

She put her arms around me and raised a delicate eyebrow. "I never said that."

I claimed her lips; her response to me was instantaneous, and she pressed herself closer to me, making me harden immediately. Finally she pulled back from me with a cheeky smile, rubbing her hip deliberately against my hard cock.   

"Then what are you saying?" I stroked her face, seeing her lean into the caress.

"I'm willing to see where this will go this time around – no KGB, no Red Room, no Alexi. Just you and me." She kissed me gently, unlike earlier, turning me on even more. I knew what she was offering and I intended to accept, but I had to know where we stood.

"It doesn't bother you that I have been with Sarah?" I studied her, but saw no trace of jealousy or anger.

"No," she smiled, holding my eyes. "Does it bother you that there have been others while you were frozen?"

I thought about that, but no emotions surfaced, not like they did when I thought of Sarah with someone else. "Not really. You were never meant to belong to me; I knew that then and I think it is still true now, but I am yours for as long as you want me."

Her smile became more genuine. "You are one of the very few I have willingly invited into my bed, James. I look forward to seeing you there again." She kissed me again, running her hands over my body. "Why don't you get dressed for the day if you aren't going to shower?"

I held her from me to keep me from losing my mind, her teasing affecting me more than it should. The bathroom door opened and I glanced over to see Sarah walk into her bedroom and shut the door without paying any attention to us.

I smiled down at Natalia. "I wasn't planning on it before, but I think I need one now." I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath. I was wound tight at the moment and she knew it from the smug smile she gave me. "Besides, I don't know what I am going to wear today."

"I'm sure we can find something. Go get cleaned up, James." She pushed me toward the bathroom before letting herself into Sarah's room.


	7. Day at the Museum

Sarah's POV

Natasha came in as I was standing in front of my closet in my underwear, deciding what to wear. James must be in the shower because I heard the water turn on just then.

"How was last night after I left the first time, Sarah? Before you had Jace call me back in?"

"Fine." I felt my cheeks heat up slightly as I remembered the events of last night. "We watched a movie, I established boundaries that he completely ignored and we talked." I grabbed a pair of jeans, tank top and sweatshirt. It was pretty cool outside when I got home last night, winter was on it's way.

"Hmm. I wondered how that would go. Your arm looks better today."

I stared at her, wondering about what I had seen earlier. "So are you and James a thing again, Nat?"

"Maybe, for now. He's still interested in you, though. He was pissed to find out you had a boyfriend."   

"Yeah, that's the part I'm a little confused about. Why is he determined to try to start something with me when he has you?" I pulled on my jeans and fastened them. "It doesn't make any sense to me, Nat."

"Our...relationship was always...fluid."

I stared at her for a moment. "Define fluid for me."

"No strings attached." I looked at Nat in confusion and she simply shrugged. "What? He's very good in bed."

It took me a moment to put what I was feeling into words. "I'm just a little weirded out at the moment because _your_ boyfriend keeps hitting on me. I'm really not comfortable with that. You know I wouldn't try to steal him from you."

"I know that, but he's not my boyfriend, Sarah. I'd define our relationship as more like 'friends with benefits'. I don't believe in forming attachments to people, you know that."

I pulled on my tank top and gave her a look. "Nat, I know that you _say_ that, but I don't think you really believe that anymore. That used to be your life back then, it doesn't necessarily hold true anymore. Does he know about Clint?"

"Yes and no. He knows he's my roommate and partner. It wouldn't surprise him that we had been lovers sometimes."

I pulled on my sweatshirt and freed my hair. "You have a really strange way of looking at relationships, you know that?" I went to the laundry basket I'd brought in yesterday and found some of Steve's clothes for James to wear. I set them on the bed and we walked out into the living room.

"I've lived a long time, Sarah. My title of Black Widow is well deserved; only three men have ever been in my bed and survived – because they were my choice."

"James, Clint and Alexi."

"Yes."

"What did Maria say when you talked to her?" I asked.

"She wants a picture of him with Jace, but other than that, she was fine with it."

 "And Fury?"

"I'll tell you later," she promised. James was just coming out of the bathroom, a towel around his hips; I had to admit to myself that he had a very nice body. He turned to look at us, cocking his head slightly.

"Clothes are in the bedroom, James." I said, walking to the bathroom to finish getting ready.

I heard Jace come back in the apartment and talk to Nat while I pulled my hair back and brushed my teeth, walking out just as James was leaving my room. I looked him over critically, studying the fit of the clothes. The jeans fit him pretty well, but they were a little loose. I decided James wouldn't have fit into Jace's clothes, either - he was much more muscular than Jace. The long sleeved shirt was a little large on him for now, but once he filled back out again it would fit him fine.

I handed him the vintage Yankee's baseball cap that Steve had gotten for his birthday and James took it carefully in his hands and looked it over; it clearly jogged a memory for him.

"Don't you like the Yankees?" I asked, watching him.

"They're fine, but I'm really a Dodgers fan." He put the cap on his head and smiled happily. "I remembered something new."

I shot a warning glance at Jace so he wouldn't give James the bad news about the Dodgers not being in Brooklyn anymore. He and Steve had already had that conversation and I swear it almost broke Steve's heart to learn the Dodgers had moved cities; I wasn't ready to try to deal with James' reaction yet. Jace gave me an innocent look and I shook my head at him, signing _Don't even think about it._  

"I guess you really are just a kid from Brooklyn, James." I smiled up at him. "Ready to go get breakfast? There's an iHop not far from here that has good pancakes."

"Sure. I think I like pancakes," he said in an uncertain tone.

"Guess we'll find out, then. Try these shoes on, James. I'm not sure if they'll fit you or not." I handed him a pair of running shoes that I didn't even think Steve had worn yet that were in my closet for some reason. He always had a couple pairs on hand for when his current ones wore out since he went through them so quickly. I slipped my shoes on and put my phone in my pocket, grabbing my keys and wallet.

"They'll work for now," he decided. "Are you sure I can't wear my own boots?"

"I'm sure," I said firmly. I held my hand out to him. "The gun stays home, James. You don't have a concealed carry permit." He looked at me like I was crazy but handed it over. "Those jeans don't fit you well enough to keep the gun from falling out. The knives stay home too."

"How did you know?"

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "I wasn't born yesterday. I can see the outline of the hilts through that shirt. If you really need a weapon, the three of us always have at least one on us, but we're trying to blend in, not draw attention." I lifted my sweatshirt so he could see the concealed holster I wore. Jace and Nat tapped theirs as well. I knew Nat had several other weapons on her person, but given the way they had been embracing earlier, he should already know that. "Hand them over. You can have them back when we get home again."

I could see that his mind had wandered slightly, but he handed over the weapons without argument. I handed him a light jacket, but he shook his head. "I'll be too warm in that. I've spent a lot of time in Siberia over the past 67 years."

Natasha made a tiny noise when she heard that but she only signed **_later_** to me when I glanced at her. I hung the jacket back up and opened the door. "My car or yours, Nat?"

"Both, since I have to go in after breakfast. I'll take James and you take Jace."

"Deal. See you there. I have to fill up my car first, though; I forgot to do that yesterday on my way home." I locked the door after us and Jace and I raced down the stairs, leaving Nat and James to follow at a normal pace.

Jace and I climbed into my car and I pulled out of the garage. He waited until we were on the road to start his interrogation. "So what's between you and James? I thought you and Steve were pretty serious."

"What's between you and Nat? I thought you were into Kate," I replied, dodging the question.

"I'll answer if you will," Jace said, holding out his pinky to me. I took it after a moment, realizing he wasn't going to give up anyways.

"Deal. He...umm... _James_ has a hard time remembering I'm not Peggy. He really doesn't remember very much of his life before Hydra captured him after his fall from the train. Nat and I think that's because Hydra wiped his mind every time he started to remember who he was after being out of cryo long enough. They basically kept him blank and frozen so they could use his talents as an assassin. You know how good he was before Hydra got their hands on him?"

"Yeah, I do. So they took away his conscience, his memories of who to protect, what to be loyal to, and who or what is worth killing for and left the skills behind. That's the recipe for a weapon."

I nodded. "More like a nuke when you throw in a cybernetic arm and super-soldier serum to top it off."

"What does Steve think about having his Bucky back?" Jace asked, searching my face.

I shook my head slowly. "He doesn't know yet, so don't even _think_ about telling him." I glared at him and he held his hands up defensively in front of him.

"I won't, but _holy shit_! Steve's going to flip when he sees Bucky's alive. He's really missed him."

"Yeah, he has. I didn't tell Steve when we found Bucky in Kiev because Nat and I didn't know if he'd really come to DC. He had to get away from his handlers first and then make it here from Russia. It took him a month just to get here, Jace."

"So James doesn't remember anything about Steve?"

"No, nothing; I don't know what they did to him, but he has a huge block when it comes to Steve and Captain America."

"What are we going to do about that?"

I shrugged. "Be his friends; we need him to stay here until Steve gets back in two weeks. We hope that seeing Steve, hearing his voice, and being able to physically touch him will help break the mental block. Are you still willing to help us?"

"Of course," Jace said instantly. "What are friends for? It's just a little weird seeing him hitting on you, you know."

"It's a little weird being hit on by someone that looks like you, too," I admitted.

"Has he kissed you?"

"That's classified," I said, feeling like being difficult.

He snorted, disagreeing with me. I pulled into the gas station, finding an open pump and turning the car off. We got out and I opened the lid for the gas tank and swiped my card at the pump before shoving the nozzle in the tank.

Jace stared at me for a long moment before he finally said, "You slept with him, didn't you."

I closed my eyes, leaning on the car and taking a deep breath. "Why would you think that?"

"You act different around him than other guys, and not just because he's staying with you."

"That's your whole basis for your hypothesis?"

"You're not denying it, either."

"You'd know I wasn't telling the truth if I tried to deny it." He raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed. "I can't say it's something I'm particularly proud of, Jace. I did what I had to; I got him here, it worked, end of story."

He changed the subject. "I wish I could be there when Steve sees him for the first time. It's been rough on him, being alive again without Bucky." It wasn't long before my tank was full and I hung up the nozzle and put the cap back on the tank. Grabbing my receipt, we climbed back in the car and headed to iHop.

"I know it has. Now it's your turn – what's between you and Nat?"

"Nothing yet, but not because I wouldn't like there to be more, but she said the timing wasn't right."

"So _when_ did you talk to Nat –  before we went on our mission or after?"

Jace had to think about that for a minute. "When she brought me back to D.C. after Steve got injured. I think you both went out on a longer mission right after Steve got better."

"She always breaks up with Clint before she goes on those kind of missions, just so you know."

Jace nodded. "That's what Clint said too when I talked to him before I asked her out."

"You asked Clint first before you asked Nat?" I asked, confused at his logic. "Why?"

"It's part of the bro code."

I snorted, "There's no such thing - you're pulling my leg."

"Am not! Clint is my friend, so I needed to get the A-Okay before I even thought about making a move on his ex. It's just being considerate of your friends."

"All, right; I suppose that makes sense when you put it like that. Have you kissed her yet?"

His cheeks flushed slightly and I laughed. "You did! Is she a good kisser?"

"Is James?"

I gave him a look that he understood quite well. "Yes."

"Better than Steve?"

"Different," I said. "They don't kiss the same way. Now answer the question."

"Yes, she's a very good kisser. Happy?"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner that you wanted to ask her out?" I gave him a sidelong glance, slightly hurt.

"Don't look at me like that, pooka." I turned the puppy dog eyes on and he covered his own eyes so he would have to look at me. "It wasn't something I wanted to talk to you about over the phone, okay? I wanted to talk to you face to face; I just didn't have enough time before I had to go back. So what do you think?"

"Hmm. I'm not opposed to it; I just don't know if this is really what you want. There's a lot more to Natasha than you've seen, Jace. You've never seen the Black Widow in full on hunting mode."

"She doesn't scare me," he said confidently. "I know what she's capable of, Sarah. How can I not know?"

I smiled, remembering what they learned at Ops about Nat and Clint. "So what did Nat say to you about the whole James thing? They have a history, Nat and James."

"She told me the basic story and it's all very Shakespeare with a KGB twist. She also told me that she was going to do try to help you out with James since she thought you were in over your head."

"It doesn't feel right, manipulating him," I said, seeing the restaurant. "So you're giving up on her?" I asked as I pulled into the parking lot and found a spot for my car.

"For now," Jace said as we got out. "I've still been talking to Kate when I have free time. If she's home this week, I'd like to spend some time with her, but we'll see what all happens."

 

*          *          *

James' POV

Natalia kissed me before she left us as we walked out of the restaurant to Sarah's car. "I'll see you all later. Have fun."

I watched with amusement as she kissed Jace's cheek before hugging Sarah. Natalia had changed much to allow herself to become close to others. I knew that she considered Sarah to be a friend; I wasn't sure what her relationship was to Jace. It was an interesting blend of mentor/student and something more than friend but less than lover. Natalia was a beautiful woman; I could see that he was interested in her even though he knew she was out of his league.

We climbed in the car, Jace gesturing for me to take the passenger seat while he chattered away with Sarah. I found myself to be content to just listen to their conversation as we drove, absorbing their dynamic, learning more about the both of them. My silence concerned Sarah, though; I saw her glance over at me often, her golden brown eyes troubled.

She pulled into a parking space and we got out. Sarah looped her arm through mine and smiled at me as we walked up the stairs to the museum. It was huge, and she let me set the course through the many exhibits, subtly steering me in the direction she ultimately wanted me to go.

Thankfully, this early in the morning there weren't a lot of people around and we pretty much had the place to ourselves. I knew when we had reached what they had brought me here to see by the look they exchanged. Jace dropped back, following behind me and Sarah. She took my metal hand in hers and leaned close to murmur in my ear.

"Don't be alarmed, James. We brought you here so you could maybe remember some of your past, when you were known as Bucky."

I looked around and saw old pictures of men that I had supposedly known a long time ago. My eyes were drawn to one in particular, a small blond man in an old American uniform, WWII era. This man was familiar to me.

"I know this man, Peggy; I just don't know who he is."

"What do you know about him, Bucky?"

"He gets sick a lot. He doesn't know when to walk away from a fight. He's an artist – you wouldn't believe how well this kid can draw." I felt a smile growing on my face.

"That's Steve Rogers as you knew him, Bucky," she said quietly. "He's your best friend."

"Steve." I said, feeling the name on my lips, trying to fix it in my mind. Little snippets came to me as I looked at the image, flashes of memories, good and bad.

"Do you remember anything else about him?"

I did. It took me a little bit to string together the words to tell her about him, but when I did, they kept coming of their own volition. "He's always cold, even in the summer. He can't dance to save his life, no matter how many times I try to teach him." I smiled down at her, holding on to that memory of me with my arms around a skinny guy, trying to teach him how to dance as he tripped over his own two feet.

She grinned conspiratorially. "He still can't; go on - what else do you remember?"

"He doesn't have anyone but me – his Ma died of tuberculosis right after we graduated high school." I pulled her into my arms, needing her to anchor me as things started to get fuzzy. It was a little harder to pull the whole memory from my mind. "We got our own place and I worked two jobs to be able to afford his medicines."

"How old were you then?" She leaned her head on my chest, slipping her arms around me.

"18, no - I was 19. We lived together until the war started and I joined up."

"You may have told Steve you enlisted, but your number shows that you were drafted, James."

"When I found out how much I'd be pulling as a Sargent, I quit arguing. We'd be able to afford all of Steve's medicines and he'd be able to finish art school."

She steered me over to a different part of the exhibit that explained some science stuff, pointing out a different panel for me to read, waiting until I'd finished reading it and looked back at her. 

"Instead, Steve was accepted into an experimental program and given a super-soldier serum in '43, not long after you and the 107th shipped out to England. This is what he looked like afterwards." She drew me over to another part of the display and I saw the progression from slight, small man that a stiff breeze would knock over to a tall, well muscled man; a man to be reckoned with. I didn't recognize this man, only the smaller Steve.

"I don't remember seeing him like this, but I know I must've."

"You did. You even made several propaganda films together. See?" She pointed at a screen playing a video. "That's you, James." We walked over to it and I stood there watching, just absorbing something that I should've been able to remember. Peggy leaned her head on my chest and watched with me. I looked down a while later to see her watching me, her eyes suspiciously bright. "It's okay if you don't remember yet, Bucky. Really, it is."

"I want to remember, Peggy. I just can't." We stood there watching the video for a while until it had looped through a couple times. I didn't remember being there, but I remembered how I felt that day. It was a combination of hunger, exhaustion and another feeling I couldn't place but knew was important. Happiness, maybe?

She smiled at me gently. "I know. There's another video you should see just over here." I could hear a familiar voice before we even got all the way into the alcove. I froze, looking down at Peggy in my arms, confused. "I'm Sarah, Bucky. The real Peggy is on this video." She took my metal hand in hers and pulled me forward. "It might make you a little sad, but you should see it."

We walked in and she pushed me down into a chair as I stared at Peggy on the screen, listening to her crisp British voice. Memories starting popping up so fast I couldn't process them, but I tried, tucking them away to review later. I remembered the way Peggy had looked at me when she thought I wasn't looking. I think I finally knew why we had never truly been together other than a handful of stolen moments. While she cared for me, she was in love with Steve – and it wasn't because he was tall, muscular and handsome. She loved the same Steve that I did – that scrawny, scrappy kid from Brooklyn that was too dumb to run away from a fight.

I knew I had sat there for a long time when Jace came and sat beside me; he leaned back in his chair, feet out in front of him, watching me. "Do you want to see the rest of the exhibit today or do you want to go home?" he asked finally.

"Home. I think I've seen enough for one day." I looked around, but Jace and I were the only ones in the viewing area. "Where's Peggy?"

"Sarah, not Peggy."

"Sarah. Where is she?"

"Waiting for us outside the exhibit." He got up and I followed him out of the darkened room.

"Did I do something to upset her?" I didn't even remember her leaving or taking her hand from my shoulder.

Jace shook his head and smiled. "No, she had to take a call. She doesn't get much time to talk to Steve when he's gone on missions, so she had to go out where she could hear him."

"Her Steve is my Steve?"

"Yes. They are the same person."

"How is that possible?"

"I'll tell you later, after we get home, okay?"

I nodded. There was so much going on in my head right now I wasn't sure I could handle any more new information right now. We saw Sarah leaning on a railing and talking on her phone up ahead. Her face was animated and she was talking with her hands while she spoke. She gave us a wide, happy smile as we came up to her and her beauty struck me again, making me pause for a moment.

"He's right here now. Would you like to talk to him?"

I looked at her in confusion, but she handed the phone to Jace. He put it to his ear and wandered off, talking to whoever was on the other line. I gathered this was a normal thing for them, but I had never seen people act so in sync with each other; they functioned as two parts of a whole, each half supporting the other.

"Sorry I left you in there, James." She put her arm around my waist and I rested my arm on her shoulder, pulling her close to me. "Steve doesn't get very much down time when he's on long missions, so we try to talk whenever he can call me."

"I had Jace with me. Can we go? There's a lot of people here now." I was starting to feel uncomfortable in the increasingly thick crowd, like I couldn't catch my breath.

"Yes. We'll head out to the car. If you don't mind, we can pick some clothes up for you today; maybe get something that fits you a little better?"

"I'd like that." These clothes worked, but they were a little too large for me. I kept my arm around her as we walked toward the exit. Jace saw where we were heading and made his way after us, still talking on the phone. "Thank you for bringing me here today."

She smiled up at me. "You're welcome. You handled it better than I thought you would."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?"

"Compliment, silly! What did you like the most?"

"Remembering things." I smiled at her, thinking over some of the things that had come back to me. Good memories from a simpler time.

"That's what we hoped would happen. We can come back another day so you can see the rest of the exhibit. There's more about you that we didn't get to today."

"Where did they get all of those photos and videos?"

"After the Battle of New York where the Avengers stopped the Chitauri invasion, people wanted to know more about Captain America, so the Smithsonian put out a call for whatever people were willing to lend or give them. Jace's family – your family – gave them some of those old pictures of you when they heard about it. Peggy Carter's family provided some of the rest and Director Fury authorized copies of some of the old SSR footage and propaganda films."

"Peggy had a family?"

"Yes. She married after the war and had two children. She's still alive, James; but she is an old woman now."

I thought about that for a long moment before asking, "Can I see her?"

She nodded hesitantly. "Steve will have to take you. She's in a secured nursing facility that only allows visitors if they are on the list."

I pulled her to me so I could see her face, something in her voice making me wonder, "Have you seen her?"

She shook her head slowly. "No, I haven't, but Steve usually goes at least once a week to see her."

"Why don't you go with him?"

She was quiet for a moment, gathering her thoughts before looking up at me. "His time with her is limited, and her mind isn't what it used to be." She searched my face before continuing. "We didn't think it wise to have her see me when I look so much like she did when she was younger. Meeting yourself is kind of a shock, after all.

We walked outside into the bright daylight, heading for the car. I thought about what she had said. I still didn't understand this girl. She didn't mind her boyfriend was spending time with another woman. The only thing she was worried about was how he would be affected.

"Yes, it is. I see a lot of myself in Jace, how I was when I was younger, less jaded."

"Back in the day, when I was a young whippersnapper –" Sarah said with a laugh, patting my chest so I would let her go. I stared at her in amazement.

"Whippersnapper? Really?"

"Not really. I was just teasing you and calling you ancient. Nat likes to call Steve 'grandpa frisbee' sometimes when she's frustrated with him."

"Grandpa, I get considering we're in our 90's, but frisbee?"

"Steve's Captain America shield is round and he throws it at things a lot. Just like those kids over there, see?" She pointed at some little kids that were running around with a red, white and blue circle on their arms like a shield. One of them threw theirs at the others and they dropped to the ground, giggling as it missed them. The toy kept going, though, landing at my feet. I bent down and picked it up, flipping the plastic circle over in my hands. The boy who threw it shouted something to me, but I couldn't understand him.

"They want you to toss it back to them, James. Gently, though." She mimed a wrist motion and I understood how she wanted me to throw it back to them.

I flicked my wrist and sent the disc sailing back to the kids. The one who caught it saluted me before turning and running up the steps to the museum, colliding with Jace. Jace caught him before he fell, setting him back on his feet.

"Watch out Cap, your helmet is a little too big yet," Jace said as he pushed the boy's lopsided helmet back on his head. The kid said something to him and dashed off. A woman smiled at him and said something, clearly with the little boys. I looked over at Sarah and she smiled.

"They're pretending to be Captain America. See the shield and the helmet? I wouldn't doubt they are wearing Cap t-shirts, too." I looked again at the kid and I could see that she was right, they were playing dress up. "They haven't been to the exhibit yet or they never would have let Jace be after seeing him. You happen to look different enough from the pics and videos that they might not know who you are at the moment."

"They think Jace is me?" I was amazed that kids would be looking for me in this day and time, especially since everyone believed I had died almost 70 years ago.

"Yes. Kids don't realize that you aren't supposed to be alive and they think that if Steve is alive, then you should be too since you're his best friend." She shrugged and we got in the car as Jace came over. He handed Sarah her phone after getting into the back seat. "Making some new friends?"

"Just being polite. Glad we're leaving before they were in the exhibit. James, be glad you don't look exactly like the pics in the exhibit or we'd never get you out of there. They usually take me and Sarah for cosplayers, so we end up taking a lot of pictures with people these days."

"Cosplayers?"

"Costumed play, people that dress up and pretend to be someone else. People usually think I'm you and Sarah is Peggy." I turned to look at him and he laughed. "I've kind of gotten used to it since Sarah started dating Steve. He gets a lot of attention wherever he goes."

"You're telling me," Sarah muttered heatedly, focused on the traffic. I looked at her quizzically, but it was Jace that spoke next.

"Steve gets hit on a lot – even with Sarah standing next to him and holding his hand."

"Why would people hit him?" I was confused about this strange time. I didn't think people really would come up and hit someone for no reason.

"Not hit as in punch," Jace said, tapping at his phone. "Hit on means to flirt, or you would have said to make a pass at him."

"Oh," I said, considering that. "New phrasing but same meaning?"

"Pretty much," Sarah said as she pulled into a parking lot. "Slang changes over the years. We're at the mall, James. Let's find you some clothes that fit you a little better, okay?" She turned off the car and shoved the keys in her sweatshirt pocket.

I looked around and saw there were a lot of people here, too – a lot more than I wanted to interact with at the moment. I looked over at Sarah, who was waiting for my answer. "Do I have to talk to people?"

She shook her head. "Not if you don't want to. Jace and I will run interference to keep them away from you if that's what you want. We do that for Steve whenever he has to go shopping. He's not a fan of places like this, either."

I looked at the crowds and the neon signs everywhere. "Can't I just wait here for you?"

"No, you have to try some things on for me and then I'll know what size you are in those brands. We're only going to a couple stores and then I can get anything else you need later. Okay?"

"Okay. I can do this."

 

*             *          *

 

Sarah's POV

I could tell that James was uncomfortable in the mall. It was early enough in the day that it wasn't really crowded yet, but there were still a lot of people here. No one paid us any particular attention, we were just another group of college kids out shopping.

We went to American Eagle first and I found some jeans that I liked for James that were between Jace and Steve's sizes. I made Jace keep the sales guy busy while James tried them on and they fit, but not quite how they should, so I had the sales guy get the proper size for him. James nodded after he put on that pair, liking how they fit better.

I grabbed a button up shirt and a polo shirt in two sizes to see which fit he liked better and had him try them on. He didn't care for the looser fit ones, so I mentally noted that. Jace stayed with James while I grabbed a selection of shirts and had the sales guy get three more pairs of jeans in the same cut with slightly different washes. I showed the guys the shirts and they only vetoed one of them, but that one was my least favorite. I had Jace pick out some hoodies for James since he didn't have an opinion on them.

The sales guy tried to flirt with the guys while he rang us up, but Jace cut him off before it got weird, letting him know they weren't interested. James didn't say anything, but his expression stopped the guy quickly. James' eyes got big when he heard the total, but it wasn't a big deal to me. Tony had been griping about how I never let him buy me things, so I used the credit card he gave me a while back, thinking this should make him happy.

On our way to the next store, he asked, "Was that guy making a pass at me?"

I grinned at him as Jace laughed. "Yes, he was hitting on you - he thought you were really hot. FYI, it's okay to be openly gay now, James."

James looked at me like I was crazy, but didn't say anything more. We headed for the sporting goods store to get James some workout clothes. Steve's were large on him and Jace's would be too small, so I grabbed a bunch of Under Armor shirts and shorts and found some socks he liked.

Now that I knew James' jeans size, I knew what underwear would fit him. His face turned bright red when he realized what we were looking at and he refused to tell me his preference, so I grabbed one package of each style: brief, boxer and boxerbrief. He could tell me when he decided what he liked and I'd get more of that style later.

Jace ran our now quite large collection of bags out to my car while I took James to our last stop at the mall - the shoe store. James spent a while looking at the different kinds of shoes before going with the basic Adidas striped indoor soccer shoes. He also found a pair of running shoes that he liked when the sales guy brought out his size, opting to wear them out of the store.

I could tell that James was tired of shopping, so we took him to the food court, letting him pick what he wanted for lunch. He decided on a pretzel from Auntie Annie's, so I got us both regular pretzels with cheese and some cinnamon sugar bites for Jace. We sat down to eat our snack while James decided what he wanted to try next.

"Have you ever had sushi, James?"

"What is it?"

"Rice and vegetables with some seafood in the middle. You can try mine if you like."

"Sounds interesting. Don't know if I like it, but I'll try it."

"I'm getting tacos," Jace said. "I haven't had them in a long time. The ones at school suck."

"What is a taco?" James asked. Jace pointed at the food stand and James studied it for a bit. "I'll try one. If you like it, I probably will too."

 "Everyone loves tacos, James. I'll get you some of each kind." Jace handed James the last couple cinnamon bites for him to try and went to get his tacos.

"These little things are great! What's on them?"

"Cinnamon and sugar. Jace has a sweet tooth, so he gets them every time we get pretzels. Do you like them better than the one you had?"

"I like them both." James smiled, licking off his fingers. "Don't you like them?"

"I do, but I didn't want any today. They're too sweet for me sometimes; I don't eat a lot of junk food."

"Junk food?" he asked, crinkling his nose adorably.

"Empty calories, tastes good but doesn't really fuel your body other than for a short time. I have a pretty high metabolism, so I need a lot of protein and complex carbohydrates. I'm always hungry if I eat junk food because it doesn't fill me up."

"So junk food is bad for you?"

"It can be if you eat too much of it. You personally will be fine with whatever you eat. Your metabolism is probably higher than mine, actually; Nat's is higher than mine, too. We think it has to do with the serums we were given, and yours was more like Nat's than mine."

 Jace came back with his tacos and I went to get my sushi. Steve didn't care for it, so I usually only had it when he was gone. I ordered a large selection and a couple drinks and took the tray back to our table. In my short absence, a group of teenage girls had found the guys and were trying to flirt with them. James looked uncomfortable with their boldness while Jace tried to draw attention away from him. I set my tray down and sat in James lap, giving him a kiss. He put his arms around me and pulled me tight, causing the girls to whine that he was taken.

 "Who are your friends, honey?" I gave the girls a look that clearly said 'back off, he's mine' as James smiled down at me.

"Don't know, doll. I think they must know my brother, though."

I signed to Jace our shorthand for _Get rid of them_. We had used this sign more than once with pesky flirts that didn't want to take no for an answer. He rolled his eyes at me, but convinced them to move on. Once they did, I got up from James lap and sat in my own chair.

"You okay?" I handed him a water and he took a sip. "It was the best way for me to get them to leave you alone."

"Yeah. I just didn't want to talk to any of them. They kept touching me."

"They'll leave you alone now since I claimed you."

"Is that what you were doing? I didn't mind that."

"That's because it was me. You didn't want any of them doing that, did you?"

"Hell no! Are all women so bold in this time?"

"Mostly, yeah. I was pretty bold myself the first time we met, if you remember." I pushed an assortment over to him and opened my soy sauce packet to sprinkle it on my sushi. He looked at me for a long moment and my cheeks flushed as I remembered it myself.

A slow smile spread across his lips, making me blush even more. "Yeah, doll, I do remember," he said. "I like it when you're bold."

 "Yuck! I'm eating here, people!" Jace whined as James reached over to touch my face and tuck a stray curl behind my ear. "I don't want to think about what I think you're talking about - she's like my sister, dude!"

 James chuckled. "Now you know how I felt with those call girls."

 I almost spit out my drink; I had learned a lot of 40's slang since I'd started dating Steve and Jace was giving him a puzzled look. "Those weren't prostitutes, James."

Jace started laughing too. "No, they weren't. But they were jail-bait for him."

"Dating a girl that's under 18 when you are over 21 can get you in big trouble these days." I explained. James nodded and smiled that crooked grin.

"Good thing you're 18 then, doll - because either way I'm over 21."

"You were quite the lady killer back in the day, weren't you?"

"Couldn't tell you. I don't remember that yet." He said, sniffing at the sushi suspiciously. "I seem to remember things when I react without thinking, though. That I have noticed." He put the bite in his mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. I opened the wasabi and put some on my first piece, popping it into my mouth. The familiar burn cleared my sinuses and I prepped the next couple pieces.

 "That was interesting. What's the green stuff you're eating?"

 "Wasabi. It's spicy hot. Want to try some?"

He nodded and I put a little bit on his finger, watching for his reaction. He didn't disappoint, eyes widening as he reached for his drink as Jace and I laughed.

"You like that feeling?" he asked in disbelief.

"Kind of. It gives the sushi a little kick. It's not something I eat everyday, though." I popped another bite in my mouth as Jace explained how to eat tacos properly to James.

 


	8. Real or Not Real?

James' POV

"Are you sleeping with Sarah tonight or am I?" Jace asked while Sarah wasn't near enough to hear us talking about her.

"What?" I really didn't think that Sarah liked Jace like that at all. My confusion must have shown on my face because he explained further.

"Not like that! Just sleeping, not sex. She gets nightmares unless someone she trusts holds her until she falls asleep."

"How long has she had them?"

"Three years now. I used to stay with her almost every night when she lived at home. Since she started dating Steve, he usually stays with her. If he's gone for a long mission, she'll go stay with Clint. He knows about them, too."

"Why does she get them?"

"I can't tell you that; I specifically swore not to tell anyone why, and you're not ready to hear that story yet."

"That bad?"

"Yes." His face was grim, but he held my eyes.

"Does she remember them when she wakes up?"

"Not for long, but she'll stay up for days to avoid sleeping deeply enough to have them." Steve had been gone for a couple days before I showed up, so she hadn't really slept until last night when I held her. Another though occurred to me.

"Is that why she falls asleep during movies?"

"I think so." Jace shrugged. "My guess is that the voices make her think that she's not alone."

"I'll stay with her, then. It will be better for me to know she's still there if I wake up in the night."

"You dream about losing her?" he asked astutely.

I nodded. "Yes. I've lost her once already. She's the reason I'm here at all. I may not remember much, but I remember her. I promised I'd find my way back to her if we were ever separated; I'll be damned if I'm going to break that promise now that I've found her again."

"I understand. She's important to me, too. I'd do anything for her, James. Much like you and Steve, even if you can't remember that yet."

"Why? Why are you so loyal to her?"

"That's a story for another day." He glanced up and smiled, and I knew she was coming over to us. There was only one person he gave that smile to, from what I had seen. I wished that I could remember having that with someone else, that level of trust and commitment.

"What are you guys talking about with such serious expressions?" Sarah asked, coming up behind us and putting her arms around Jace. He flipped her over him so she was in his lap. "You're getting better at that one!" She patted his cheek and slid off his lap to sit between us. "I almost didn't have to cooperate to clear the couch."

He snorted. "Show off. You could flip over like that with out using your hands."

She shrugged, "So?"

"You're not normal," Jace said, smiling.

"Normal is just a setting on the dryer. Who wants to be normal?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure someone somewhere does. Ready to watch the movie?"

"Yup... wait - I didn't make popcorn yet!"

"I'd like to learn how to make it," I said after a moment. "I'd like to learn how to use the kitchen."

Sarah gave me a big grin. "Sure, James. I'll show you how to run the microwave."

"Micro-what?"

"My-crow-wave," she said slower, enunciating for me. "It's what I use to cook the popcorn, among other things." She hopped up and pulled me to my feet, holding my hand while pulling me to the kitchen. I heard Jace muffle a laugh, but ignored him, focusing on Sarah instead. It still amazed me how my metal arm didn't bother her. She seemed to prefer to hold that hand over the other, actually.

I listened to her explanation about the microwave and pushed the buttons she told me to after placing the package of popcorn inside.

"Will you show me how to run this as well?" I asked, pointing to the stove. It looked a lot different than the one I remembered from my youth.

"Sure. We can cook together tomorrow." She smiled at me before reaching up on her tiptoes to get the large bowl we had used for popcorn the night before out of the cupboard. It bobbled off the tips of her fingers before falling. I grabbed it before it fell, leaving imprints of my fingers in the thin metal. She took it from my hand before I could try to get them out, flipping it to see them better.

"Sorry," I muttered, looking away from her. I put my metal arm behind me, closing the hand into a fist.

She put her hand on my face so I would look at her. "It's okay, James. It just has character now." She ran her hand down my cybernetic arm, pulling it towards herself. I closed my eyes as I felt her touching my arm with both of her hands, exploring it and opening my fist.

"Why are you not afraid of me?" I rasped, her touch affecting me more than I wanted to admit.

"I haven't seen anything in you to be afraid of, James. Are you afraid of me?"

"No," I smiled. How could anyone be afraid of her, as beautiful as she was?

"You should be. I could have killed you the first time we met." Her smile faded. "I could have killed you just now."

I looked down to see a knife at my neck, the tip hovering just above my jugular. I hadn't even seen her move. She lowered it and tucked the knife back where it came from.

"Don't underestimate me, James. I'm more than just a pretty face." The microwave beeped, and she opened it and pulled the steaming bag out. I watched as she shook it before dumping it in the bowl.

I looked at her with fresh eyes. Not many could have managed that move on me without me noticing. "Like Natalia?"

"Better." There was no arrogance in her statement, only calm assurance. She threw the empty bag away and handed me the bowl as we walked back into the living room. "You can watch us spar sometime."

"I'd like that; I used to spar with Natalia a long time ago." Sarah hit the overhead lights as we walked past the switch.

"That's what she said. You were one of her last teachers before she graduated from the Red Room as a Black Widow."

We sat back down on the couch, as Jace started the movie. Sarah covered up with her blanket before taking the popcorn bowl back since she was in the middle. Once we finished it, she set the bowl on the coffee table and I shifted so I could put my arm around her and she leaned on my chest, her head resting over my heart. She was sleeping shortly after that, so I pulled her onto my lap in a more comfortable position, tucking her head into the crook of my neck. I stroked her long hair absently as we watched the movie, breathing in her clean, subtle scent.

"Do you want to watch another one or do you want to go to bed?" Jace asked once the movie finished. I thought for a moment; I wasn't really tired yet.

"I'm not ready to go to sleep yet. Are you?"

"No, it's pretty early yet. We have time for another; have you seen this one?"

He brought up the description for the movie and I read it. I shook my head. "No, never heard of it. We can watch it."

"All right. It's pretty funny and Sarah can't complain since she's sleeping." He started the movie and grinned at me conspiratorially. "She hates most of the movies this guy has been in."

"Why?"

"They're pretty dumb movies; funny – just dumb. She says she loses brain cells from watching them."

"I don't follow. I guess I'll understand after I've seen it, then."

"Yup."

It _was_ a pretty funny movie; it was also really dumb. I could see why Sarah wouldn't like it. She stayed sleeping for the whole thing, only rousing once or twice when we laughed loudly before shifting in my arms and going back to sleep.

"That was hilarious," I yawned, standing up with Sarah still in my arms. She was so light, I could lift her easily.

"I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. Night, James. See you in the morning."

"Night, Jace." I said, walking to the bedroom. I shut the door behind me with my foot before walking over to the bed. I hadn't thought this one through, I decided. I might have to wake her up to get her in bed. I shifted her so I had her in one arm and pulled the covers back, going to lay her in the bed. She started at the shift, making a small noise and wrapping her arms around my neck as she nuzzled me with her face.

I was afraid I would hurt her if I peeled her arms from me, so I only sighed and got into the bed too, pulling the covers over us. She shifted once I was laying down so she was laying on top of me, her head on my shoulder, hand on my heart. I smiled in the darkness, savoring the feel of her. I kissed her forehead, stroking her face with my hand.

She turned her face up to me, lips sleepily searching for mine. I kissed her gently, teasing her tongue with my own as she ran her hand through my hair before running it down my body and boldly sliding it under my shirt. She tugged at it and I curled up to pull it off, tossing it aside, wondering what she wanted from me.

She hadn't touched me like this since I'd been here, usually stopping us when our kissing became too heated. I noticed her eyes were still closed as she slid her hand over my torso and under my waistband, reaching for my hard member as she kissed me, making soft noises against my lips. I decided I should stop her and moved her hand back to hold it on my chest, whispering her name.

"Sarah! Sarah, wake up, doll."

"Steve?" She kissed my neck, sucking at the sensitive skin there.

"No, I'm James."

"Hmm." She tucked her head into the crook of my neck, relaxing into me.

"Are you awake?" I shook her lightly. "Sarah?"

"Five more minute, Steve," she mumbled, snuggling into me. "So tired."

"Steve isn't here, Sarah." I placed her hand on my cybernetic arm. The cool metal under her hand woke her with a jolt. She sat up abruptly, looking down at me, breathing faster than usual from being startled.

"James?"

"Yes. You must have been having quite a dream, doll."

She looked around for a moment, then back down at me, and I was sure that she could see as well as I could in the dark. "Did you carry me to bed?"

"Yes. Should I not have? You were still sleeping quite soundly when the second movie ended, until a moment ago, in fact."

"Oh," she put her head into her hands. "Why did you wake me? You know what would have happened if you hadn't."

I turned on the lamp so I could see her better before I took her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles. "Because the next time we make love, I want it to be because we both want it." I kissed her hand and pulled her over to me, settling her in my arms. "Not because we think it's with someone else, okay?"

She flashed me a small smile as a thought occurred to me again. I had wondered about it more than once since learning she really wasn't Peggy; now was a good time to ask, I decided. "Can you tell me something?"

"Maybe."

"Was Kiev real or not real?"

She looked at me for a long moment. "Are you sure you want an answer to that one?"

I licked my lips and nodded. "Yes. I need to know if it was real for you, because it sure seemed like it."

She stared at me for a long moment before stroking the side of my face. "Kiev was real for me." I exhaled sharply as her eyes held mine, the golden brown starting to become obscured by tears before she blinked them back. "But I don't know if it was real for you, James. In Kiev, you thought I was Peggy. Everything you did – everything you said – every promise you made – was to Peggy." She exhaled deeply. "But I'm Sarah," she continued. "I don't know what Sarah means to James because I don't know what James means to Sarah."

I turned my face away from her, knowing that she was right. It hurt more than I thought it would, knowing that Peggy was really gone and Sarah wasn't mine. After a long pause, she gently placed one hand on my face, making me turn back to her.

"I'd like to get to know James, if that's okay with you?" she said in a small voice.

I closed my eyes; I understood what she was offering - she was willing to give me what I wanted, but not just yet. I opened my eyes, meeting her golden brown ones. I stroked her cheek gently, tracing down her neck and arm to link my fingers with hers.

"I'd like that. I think I'd like to get to know Sarah, as well."

She smiled as I kissed her hand, taking my metal hand into hers before pressing a kiss to my palm. "I'd like that, James. Everything I know about you is from other people and most of that information is 70 years old; a lot can change in that amount of time." She stared into my eyes for a long moment before speaking. "You didn't come here for Natalia, did you?"

"No, I came here for you. You were the first thing I could remember every time they wiped me – always you, in that red dress, smiling at me. I could never remember a name or a place, but I always had that one image of you in my mind. Other memories would eventually follow, but of everything that I've lost, you are the only thing I've ever found."

"That was Peggy, though, not me, James."

I smiled, kissing her forehead. "You were put in my life twice, and maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me, but to me you feel like her," I leaned over and kissed her softly. "You even taste like her. It's confusing as hell that you really aren't her, and I can't even remember everything yet."

She sighed, kissing my cheek. "Maybe I wasn't ready to appreciate you the first time. The world has changed a lot since then. You've changed."

"I have, and not necessarily for the better."

"You are still the same man you always were."

"I'm not a good man, Sarah. I've killed a lot of people."

"You were operating under Hydra's programming then. That wasn't really you."

"I still did it," I argued.

She rested her chin on my chest. "What else would you have done? If you hadn't, you wouldn't be here now; they would've disposed of you or just rewiped you until you no longer remembered anything from your former life."

I stroked her face, knowing she was right. "I was too valuable to dispose of, doll. They would have wiped and frozen me, and probably disciplined me just because they could."

She covered my hand with her own, holding my eyes. "Would you kill them all again knowing what you know now?"

"Some of them; some of them were horrible excuses for human beings."

"And the rest?"

After a long moment, I shook my head. "No, I wouldn't have killed them. They were merely in Hydra's way in some manner."

She considered that briefly. "You don't know what I do, do you?"

"No."

"I work for Shield, what you used to know as the SSR. My entire job consists of taking down threats to both the world and the United States: Ten Rings, AIM, Hand, Hydra – you name it - if they're a terrorist organization, I hunt them. If you stayed with Hydra, James, you'd be hunting me instead. I know I'm already on their radar."

I pulled her to me, taking a deep breath as I understood what she was saying. The panic was back, but she was safe, here with me.

"Then it was incredibly good timing for you to find me when you did." I covered her lips with my own, running my hands down her back and sliding them under her shirt before she pulled away from me, shaking her head.

"James, I still don't think that's a good idea; not yet, at least."

"You think too much."

I rolled us, settling myself off to the side as I ran my hand over her curves and down her sleek legs as I captured her lips again, kissing her deeply while encouraging her to explore my body. She tentatively ran her hands over my torso and arms, tracing the muscles as I closed my eyes, letting myself just feel her gently touching me.

I nibbled at her lips before working slowly down her neck to her collarbone as she ran her hands over my body, slowly, touching all of me but stopping at my waistband. I breathed in her light scent as I gently kissed her, satisfied with her response to me.

When I couldn't take any more, I shifted so I was laying partially on her, kissing her as I skimmed my hands over her breasts, teasing and playing with her nipples until she was moving restlessly against me, her hands trying to reach for my cock to work me up as much as she was. I caught her hands, bringing them up over her head and holding them there with my metal hand. There was only so much stimulation I could handle the way she was writhing beneath me, and if she got her hands on me, I knew I'd be done for.

Her shirt was loose enough that I could free her breast, so I did, hearing her gasp as I brought my mouth down to lave her tightly furled nipples while moving my hand lower, rubbing firmly over her clit through her clothes. She was so incredibly responsive that I barely increased the pressure before she arched her back for me, her head falling back onto the pillow.

"James!" she gasped quietly as her legs started to quiver. I settled myself on her, barely keeping control as I rubbed against her to bring her to completion, capturing her lips and keeping her quiet as she moaned against my mouth when she came, pulling me tight to her with a strength I didn't know she had.

I smiled to myself when the tension drained from her, rolling us so she was laying bonelessly on me, replete. I ignored my throbbing cock, breathing in her light scent as I gently stroked her back and kissed her temple.

"Good night, doll."

"Umhmm," she yawned tiredly as I stroked her face with my human hand. "Good night, James."

She pulled the covers up over us with one hand, content to lay where she was for now. I smiled to myself as I realized she hadn't really _tried_ to resist me, only making the token protest she thought she should make. Little by little, I was making progress with her, wearing down her resistance. I closed my eyes as I felt her drift off, eventually going to sleep myself.

 


	9. Hold Onto Me

Sarah's POV

I woke long before James did the next morning. Easing myself from his arms, I found running clothes and changed. I pulled back my hair, grabbed my phone and let myself out the bedroom door. Jace was still fast asleep on the couch, Netflix asking him if he was still watching. I slid on my shoes and let myself out, plugging in my earbuds as I quietly went down the stairs.

At four am, Washington DC was quiet and I needed to clear my head. I decided to run to Shield, a good 15 mile run would give me enough time to work through things. I set out at a fast pace, slower than Steve's fastest but significantly quicker than a normal human could run.

The miles passed quickly while my mind was occupied. I was hoping that Maria or Clint would be in when I got to Shield, I could really use someone to talk to about this other than Natasha. She'd already told me what she thought I should do, but I still wasn't sure that was for the best.

Before I knew it, I'd turned onto the road into the Triskelion. The guard waved me past when I gave my fingerprints and I sprinted the last bit all out. Luck was with me and the light was on in Maria's office already. I pulled out my earbuds and pushed the door open to see Clint was sitting there, leaning back in the chair, feet crossed at the ankle in front of him and talking to Maria. They looked like they were flirting a little, with eyes only for each other because my entrance visibly startled them.

"Hey – what're you guys doing here already?" I asked.

"Some of us never left for the day yet," Maria said with a tired smile.

 I settled into the chair next to Clint, looking over at him. He shook his head. "It's been a long day for me, too. We've been trying to figure out what to do with the Hydra situation, but we've got nothing to go off of until we get new intel."

"Sorry, I can try to work on that. Since Jace is here, I can come in for part of the day and do the rest from home unless you need me for something. I'm not convinced we're going to make much progress until Steve gets back, though."

"Bucky's your priority for right now. I showed Clint the pics you sent me, Sarah." Maria shook her head and smiled. "I can't believe Bucky Barnes is still alive, too. We lucked out finding Steve and being able to reanimate him considering he should have been dead after being frozen for 67 years."

"How much has Nat told you?" I asked curiously.

"Not a lot, only that she thought he'd been given a serum similar to Steve's but more potent than hers."

I nodded. "He's spent most of his lost years in cryofreeze in Siberia somewhere. He'd get thawed and mentally prepped for missions, then wiped and put back in cryo after he completed them. His short term memory is sketchy and he has almost no long term memory to speak of, but things are starting to come back to him somewhat." I could tell I had shocked them as I watched them process his rough treatment at Hydra's hands.

Maria spoke first. "You're certain that he _is_ Bucky, though?"

"Absolutely. We took him to the Smithsonian and the old pictures of pre-serum Steve triggered some memories that fit in with what I've heard from Steve. He doesn't recognize Steve as he is currently, though."

"Do you think they did something to prevent those memories from coming back?" Clint asked, steepling his fingers.

"I've shown him recent pictures of Steve and he shows no sign of recognition whatsoever. Never remembers seeing the picture later, either," I said, shrugging. "Make of that what you will."

Clint whistled. "I don't envy your job, Sarah. I see your arm looks better."

"Yeah, I'm just about back to normal again. Nat told you?"

Maria nodded. "She also said you managed to keep James from shooting Jace."

"Basically, yeah. I'm glad you're both here, though. I'm in need of some advice." Maria and Clint shared a brief look before turning to me. I hopped up and shut Maria's door after glancing in the hallway. "Neither of you are on coms to Steve, Tony or Nat?"

They both shook their heads, their expressions showing curiosity now.

"So I've been talking to James a lot, and you know that when we were in Kiev, he thought I was Peggy, like Steve did when he first met me. Turns out James and Peggy had some kind of a relationship back in the 40's." I watched surprise cross their faces before continuing. "They were intimate until James' supposed death, so when I showed up in Kiev looking like Peggy to him, he assumed I _was_ Peggy, no matter what I said otherwise." They nodded, understanding that from having seen Steve go through it with me when we first met. "So in order to convince him to come back to the States for Steve, I slept with him. Not my finest moment, but I didn't have a lot to go off of other than how he acted with me. I guess it worked, because he made it here eventually."

"Nat told you to, didn't she?" Clint said, watching me. I nodded, face flushed at my admission.

"Not much else that you could have done," Maria said with a small sympathetic smile. "If there was _any_ way to get him back here for Steve, it needed to be done. You know how much he misses Bucky."

Clint and I nodded. "Yeah. I just wish Steve would have been home when James showed up. Is there any way to get him home sooner?" I reached for Clint, and he took my hand in his, squeezing lightly. I linked my fingers with his, needing the support at the moment.

"Not really," Maria sighed as she pointed to my tablet. "I ran all the options with Fury when Nat told us he was here, and two weeks is still an optimistic date if everything goes as planned." I sighed as I pulled my knees up to my chest, arms around my legs and resting my chin on my knees. "What did you want to ask us, other than that?"

Clint rubbed my back lightly as I considered what I really wanted to ask them. "Well, I've got a little bit of a situation here. James still acts like I'm Peggy and wants more from me than I'm comfortable with at the moment without getting an outside opinion on it. Nat's given me her take on it, but I'm just not sure her way is the best way at the moment."

Maria grinned. "Having known Natasha Romanoff for as long as I have, I can imagine what she told you; she has a different way of looking at things."

"You can say that again," Clint seconded, smiling at Maria. "Her way of looking at things is always in terms of the mission. If she's decided your assignment is to keep James here using whatever means needed until Steve gets back, then I can understand why you might have reservations about that."   

I nodded, "Nat said something to that effect, yes. I love Nat, but sometimes she's a little...intense." They shared another look, and I wondered if there was something between them that I wasn't aware of. I knew they'd been partners before Nat joined Shield, and the way they looked at each other sometimes was anything but platonic. "So I was wondering, is it _cheating_ for me to be with James or is this something that Steve will be okay with?"

"By 'be with' do you mean have sex with?" Clint asked after a moment, his hand pausing on my back.

I glanced up at him, one eyebrow raised. "What else would I mean, Clint?"

He raised his hands in front of him defensively. "Just checking! I don't always follow when you talk like a girl."

"I'm always a girl, Clint!"

"You don't always talk like one, though." He thought for a while before speaking again. "I guess I wouldn't have a problem with it if I was in Steve's place. He's going to be so happy to have Bucky back that I don't think it will ever occur to him what you might have had to do to get him here. Now, I'm not saying to keep it from him, but I wouldn't blurt it out the minute he gets home, either."   

"He says he came here for me. I guess he made some promises to Peggy that he never got to keep, so he's keeping them now with me."

"Wow," Maria said, leaning back in her chair. "I understand why you would feel that you were cheating on Steve, but honestly - does James know who you are all the time or does it shift back and forth depending on what time he thinks he's in?"

"I think he tends to believe I'm Peggy more than anything," I said slowly.

"Then I think you have your answer. If he needs you to be Peggy until he wraps his head around the identity thing, then you need to be there for him because he clearly trusts you. I'd be more concerned about how Steve's going to take Bucky being alive than him being angry with you for anything you did to get his best friend here for him."

"What happens when Steve gets back, though?" I hopped up, pacing the small room. "Do I just tell James, 'thanks for the sex, but my boyfriend's back now, so we're done? I hope you get your memory back?' because that's a fucked up way to treat him."

Clint snorted at my phrasing, shaking his head. "That's between you guys. If James doesn't get past his mental block, things might get complicated, but don't overthink this one."

He caught my hand as I paced and pulled me onto his lap. I curled up as small as I could and put my arms around his neck, hiding my face in the crook of his neck and breathing in his scent, a mixture of his cologne and what I could only describe as sunshine. He patted my back soothingly; it wasn't often that I would do this - freak out over something I had to do, but it did happen occasionally.

"I don't know how to stop thinking about it!" I said quietly, just to Clint. "I'm not exactly very experienced here. At this rate, I'll have been with James more than I've been with Steve."

"Not the point," he said just as quietly as he pulled back a bit so I would look up at him. "You said something similar to me when we were in Brazil and that ended up working out fine for you, Sarah."

" _Ronin_ , that was for a mission." I shook my head, cheeks flushing.

"' _Ria_." he mimicked my tone. "This is really no different, just another mission. Do you want to make Steve happy?"

"Yes."

"Then do what your heart tells you to. Ignore your brain on this one. You _know_ Steve, you know how he thinks, what he likes." I nodded; this was the truth – I knew Steve better than almost anyone else currently alive – at least until James got his memory back. "Does Steve rush to make snap judgments?"

"No, he likes to hear all of the evidence first," I said, meeting his eyes.

"He's not going to dump you for doing something for his benefit," Maria said, and I raised my head to look over at her. "That's not how Steve is and you know it." I nodded; she was right, and I did know that. I had just panicked over how focused James was on me. "I know that this is against societal norms, but in this case, I think James needs you to be there for him like you were for Steve when he first met you."

"It wasn't easy at first with Steve, either." Clint said. "Remember?" I nodded. "What's really holding you back, Sarah?" He gave me a look that made me wonder if he saw more than I thought he did.

"What if..." I took a deep breath before trying again, not wanting to ask that question quite yet. I settled for an equally pressing question. "What if I end up caring too much?" I said quietly, knowing he of all people would understand.

Clint smiled gently and quietly said, "It's not a bad thing to be able to see the good in people and want to help them. I don't think that you could ever care too much. That's why you're running from him now, isn't it? You're starting to care for him and it's scaring you?"

I nodded hesitantly, biting my lip. "I shouldn't though, I love Steve."

"I know you do, honey, but that's completely separate from this. Bucky's had a really rough life; I think you caring for him can help him become the man Steve knew 70 years ago. You found him for a reason, even if you don't know what that reason is yet."

I opened my mouth to say something and just closed it instead, unable to find the words. How he understood exactly what I was feeling amazed me.

"You can always call me if you need me," he said as he kissed my cheek and I climbed off of his lap after giving him one more firm hug.

"Thank you, Clint. I will."

I walked over to Maria and pulled her into a tight hug, too. "Thanks for the advice; I'll think about it on the way back," I said, flushing slightly. "Sorry for the oversharing."

"I'm just glad you trusted us enough to talk to us," Maria said with a small smile. "He must have...startled you...for you to come in at this time of day."

I nodded, thinking of what I'd allowed James to do earlier, my cheeks warming. "Yeah, something like that, I guess." My phone rang just then, startling me. I glanced at the screen, seeing my favorite picture of Steve. "It's Steve," I said with a grin before heading to the door and letting myself out. I answered, putting the phone to my ear.

"Hi Steve!" I smiled, happy to hear his voice. "I was just thinking about you."

_Hello, Sarah. I'm glad I didn't wake you up_. He sounded exhausted, and I wondered what he'd been doing for the past day.

"You didn't wake me. I was just getting ready to go for a long run. It's a beautiful morning here." I walked over to the elevator and muted myself while I told it where I wanted to go. If he knew I was at Shield already this morning, it would only lead to more questions.

_Did you sleep well? Jace said he was staying with you for a couple of days since he needed to be in DC for some training stuff._

"It's good having him here for a while, especially since you're gone. I've missed him a lot. I fell asleep early when we were watching movies, so I woke up early. How are things going for you?"

_As well as I expected. It's slow going here, getting the information we need, but there's nothing I can do about that. These guys have to accept us, and there's no rushing that._

"I know, I just wish you were here. It feels like you've been gone forever."

_Me too, doll_. I could hear the smile in his voice as I walked off the elevator. _I know it feels that way, but I'll be home before you know it. I won't be able to call for a couple of days, though. We won't have service until we reach the next town._ The line got staticky for a moment before clearing up again. _Can you hear me?_

"Yeah, I can now."

_In case we get cut off, I just want to say I love you_. Static cut in again, to my frustration.

"I love you, too." The line crackled, and I hoped that he didn't hear how shaky my voice was. I didn't tell him that a lot, but it was true. "Steve?"

_I'll... couple... days..._ and the line went dead. I was glad I'd gotten to talk to him for longer yesterday because such short conversations always left me missing him worse than before. I sighed and put in my earbuds before starting a playlist. I had some serious thinking to do before I made it back to my apartment, and I while I could understand my friends' reasoning, _I_ was the one who had to make a decision that I could live with, and at this point, I still didn't know what I should do.

Jace was still sleeping when I let myself back in my apartment and went into the bedroom to check on James. He sat bolt upright with a pistol in his hand as I shut the door behind me and I froze, not sure if he knew who I was.

 

*        *        *

James' POV

"Sorry, James. It's just me, Sarah," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to wake you." Sarah stayed still until she saw me relax and lower the pistol. She came over to the bed and sat down on the edge. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I did," I admitted, realizing I slept well when she was with me, and I'd started to worry when I woke up to find the space she'd been in empty and cold. I pulled her back over to me, gently stroking her face. "Where'd you go? I woke up a little bit ago and you were gone." I kissed her lightly and she smiled at me, running her hands through my hair.

"I went for a run. I woke up really early and didn't want to bother you with my restlessness."

I didn't like to think of her running alone at this time of day. If I could track her from her habits, others could as well, but I only said, "I would've went with you, doll. I could use the exercise."

She skimmed her eyes over the well defined muscles of my arms, smirking at me before patting my chest. "I think you'll be okay missing a workout or two, James."

I captured her lips, pulling her close to me. For once, she wasn't resisting what was between us, and I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anyone else, even Natalia. I felt her responding to me, and I suddenly hoped this wasn't just a figment of my imagination; I didn't think my imagination was that good.

As I kissed down her neck, the faintly salty taste of her skin reinforced that this was real, not just another fantasy. I ran my hands lightly over her soft skin, trying not to push her too far while letting her unsure hands slide over me, her very uncertainty turning me on even more while reminding me that she wasn't Peggy - Peggy was never uncertain about anything.

I shifted us so she was laying back on the bed, while I leaned down to kiss her, letting her get used to me as I deepened the kiss. Her hands slid under my shirt and I leaned back momentarily to pull it off and toss it aside before claiming her mouth again. I found the hem of her shirt, working my hand under it, smiling when she jumped at the contact, the cool metal of my cybernetic hand raising goosebumps on her body.

I couldn't figure out how to get her shirt off, so I nipped at her neck. "Take this thing off before I rip it," I growled, plucking at her shirt, exposing the sensitive spot on her collar bone I'd discovered earlier. Her head fell back in pleasure and she reached down and pulled the shirt off before throwing it aside. I reached for her, holding her eyes with my own. "You are so beautiful, doll."

"You're not so bad yourself, James," she grinned.

I kissed her soft skin as I worked my way down her body, her hands in my hair, encouraging me to explore her as I wished until she pulled me back up, claiming my lips.

I settled myself on her, my weight making her sink into the bed. Her eyes flew open and she shoved me back with surprising strength, sitting up and gasping for air, holding one palm out to stop me from reaching for her again. She met my eyes, hers wild with panic. "James, stop – please?"

"What's wrong?" I asked, not sure what had brought this on.

Her voice was a little unsteady when she finally spoke. "I can't do it, James. I thought I could, but I was wrong, I can't!" She drew her knees up in front of her defensively, putting her arms around them.

"I'm sorry I scared you. Forgive me?" I shouldn't have let myself get caught up in how good it felt; she deserved better behavior from me than what she'd seen so far.

She looked at me for a long moment before nodding, then looking away. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure what I was reading from her body language, but it wasn't anger. I think I'd have felt better if she showed that - speaking harshly or striking at me; I could handle anger better than this...quiet. I picked her up and shifted her so she was sitting in my lap with her head on my shoulder. She didn't resist, but she didn't relax, either and her eyes stayed closed. I felt a trickle of wet warmth sliding across my bare chest and realized she was crying silently, tears falling without her making a single noise.

"Sarah, are you crying?" I asked, not knowing what else to say.

No answer. I stroked her face and kissed her forehead.

"You're scaring me, doll. Talk to me – please? Please, doll?"

When she still didn't answer, I pulled back so I could see her face, but that was a mistake because then I could see the tears silently streaming down her face, her eyes avoiding mine. I leaned forward and kissed her gently, whispering, "Please talk to me. I don't understand what's going on in that head of yours."

I wiped the tears from her cheeks before pulling her into a tight hug. After a long moment, just when I thought I was going to have to go wake up Jace, she slowly brought her arms up to put them around my neck. I held her tighter, relieved that she was willingly touching me again.

"I'm not Peggy, James." she whispered, her voice breaking. "I'm sorry; I can't be who you want me to be. I'm sorry."

"No, Sarah." I pulled back so I could see her face, wiping away her tears again. She brought her eyes up to meet mine and I wasn't prepared for the depth of the hurt and sorrow I saw there. "I don't expect you to be Peggy."

She shook her head slightly, silently refuting my statement before taking a couple deep breaths. "Then why are you always trying to kiss me or... or more? You've got other options if all you want is sex."

I would've laughed at her blatant attempt to direct me back to Natalia if I wasn't terrified that she was just trying to get rid of me so she could leave me. "No, I don't want _just_ sex from you." I stroked her face lightly and turned my face to hers to kiss her softly, her lips still salty from her tears. "I want all of you; I need all of you." I exhaled deeply. "I don't know how to explain it, but your touch, your kisses, they make me feel alive. Not anyone else - you, Sarah."

I kissed her again, tipping her face up so she would meet my eyes. "I know I don't deserve you and I don't care if I never remember who I used to be. None of that matters as long as I have you." Tears rolled down her face again as I kissed her lightly. "Please don't leave me," I whispered as I buried my face in her hair, holding her tight as I breathed in her scent, trying to calm myself. I drew a shaky breath, afraid I was going to lose her after all.

 

*          *               *

 

Sarah's POV

James' kisses took me by surprise; they were different than the kisses we'd shared before. His lips were so soft, so gentle; the sweetness of his words tugging at my heart. I was feeling too much right now, with him holding me in his arms. I could feel his pulse pounding under my hand, and while I could tell that he was trying to keep it together for me, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know that he felt that powerfully about me.

Being with James made my heart race in a way I'd never felt before, not even with Steve. The panic I'd felt when he'd covered me with his body wasn't because I was afraid of him - because I wasn't - it was because I was afraid that if we kept going, I wasn't going to want to stop. I needed to put some distance between us so I could clear my head, but that wasn't going to happen right now; I could tell from his breathing that he was starting to have one of his panic attacks.

I kissed his neck and rubbed my hand up and down his back soothingly, saying what he really needed to hear right now. "I'm not going to leave you, James."

"Promise?" His eyes searched mine anxiously, needing to know that was true.

"Promise," I said, kissing him lightly. "I just felt a little...overwhelmed."

"Are you afraid of me?"

I kissed his other shoulder, where the metal met flesh, smiling as he exhaled sharply. "No, I'm not afraid of you, James, but I need to know that you understand that this," I gestured at him holding me, "this isn't permanent; we can only be together like this for two weeks - maybe more, maybe less. I can't promise you anything more than that."

"I'll take whatever you can give me, doll. I've lost so much time with you already." He kissed me lightly, his expression brightening.

"Will you let me lead this time?" I asked, looking up at him through my lashes.

He gave me a little crooked grin before kissing me. "If that's what you want, then yes. I'm all yours, doll."  

 

*                 *             *

James' POV 

She boldly captured my lips, moving back from me slightly before reaching for me, skimming her hands down my body, this time not stopping at my waistband. I grinned as she shoved my shorts off my hips, pushing me onto my back with surprising strength before leaning over to kiss me deeply. She took my hard cock in her hand, sliding slowly but firmly up and down the rigid length, making me shudder when she ran her thumb over the tip. I knew she intended to work me up the way I had her, I just wasn't sure how far she'd go in her quest to torture me.

She slowly kissed, licked and nipped her way down my torso while she stroked me until she reached my aching cock. She looked up at me with a devilish grin as I inhaled sharply; knowing what she was intending to do was undermining my already shaky control.

She met my eyes as she licked my cock, teasing me with the sight of her lips and tongue on me until she took me into her hot mouth, sucking hard enough that I was seeing stars. I couldn't hold back any longer, I needed to be inside her but she wouldn't let me move, holding down one hand on my chest in silent command as she increased suction, oversetting my control.

I gasped her name as I came, pulling her to me the moment she released my cock, licking her lips. I kissed down her neck until I had one pink nipple in my mouth, my hand finding the other and tweaking it. She ran her hands through my hair, letting me know she was enjoying this.

I pushed her onto her back, putting my hands on her hips, and peeling her shorts down her long legs, drinking in her features. I moved over her, parting her dark curls with one hand before teasing the little nub there with my mouth, licking and sucking as I worked her up. I loved the little noises she made, biting her lip, and trying so hard to be quiet with Jace sleeping in the next room.

Watching her was turning me on more than I thought possible, I was already hardening again. Throwing her head back, she gasped as I eased one metal finger inside of her, the cool digit warming quickly in her tight cunt. A moan escaped her lips as another finger joined the first, teasing her even more until she bucked against me as her legs started to shake. She was so incredibly responsive, I almost came again from just watching her writhing on the bed.

She moved suddenly, sliding back from me and taking control again, barely in control herself. She pushed me onto my back, reaching over to grab a packet from the nightstand before opening it and slipping something cool over my hard cock. She moved over me, taking my length slowly into her, filling her completely. It felt so good to be inside her, her tight cunt was still caressing my cock with little spasms from her earlier orgasm, and I groaned quietly when she started to ride me, shifting us so she was getting the most from the motion.

I reached up, finding her clit and rubbing it with my cybernetic thumb, bringing her even closer to orgasm. Her breaths came in shallow pants as I thrust against her, meeting her harder each time until she started to shatter and I couldn't take it any more, her tight cunt squeezing my cock rhythmically, sending me over the edge.

She fell forward, moaning quietly as I thrust against her once more before holding her tight to me, kissing her and shuddering as I came, whispering her name against her lips before she collapsed on top of me, both of us breathing hard, pulses racing.

"You feel so good, doll," I said as I kissed her. "I'm sorry, I couldn't last any longer; you're so tight."

She smiled at me, stroking my face. "You felt so good this time, James; it didn't hurt at all."

My eyes widened at that tidbit and I looked down at her with concern. "You should've told me if I hurt you." I covered her hand with my own and kissed her palm. "I don't ever want to hurt you when we make love, doll."

She shook her head slightly. "You didn't hurt me, it's just that I'd only ever had sex once before we slept together in Kiev, James, and you're quite large."

I smiled to myself at that revelation, feeling quite pleased with her praise. "So I was your second time?" I asked as I kissed her forehead, pulling the covers up over us as she laid on me, utterly boneless with repletion.

"Hmm," she murmured, closing her eyes as she laid her head on my shoulder, sleep claiming us quickly.


	10. Wanna spar?

James' POV

I woke up a while later, just after dawn. Peggy was still sleeping, so I eased myself out from next to her, covering her up so she wouldn't get cold. I pulled on my shorts and walked out of the bedroom. Jace was just starting to wake up, so I thought I would give him a taste of his own medicine. I stood over him for a minute or two before he woke with a start, his eyes focusing on me.

"Morning."

"James! I wasn't expecting you."

"I noticed. It was kind of fun, though."

"Sarah still sleeping?" I thought about that for a moment, remembering that she wasn't Peggy, she was Sarah.

"Yes."

"She must have been pretty tired to sleep in. I'm going to start breakfast, then. Do you like coffee?" He threw back the blanket and stood up, stretching.

I thought about that. "Yes, I think I do."

He turned to me with a smile. "Good, because if you didn't, I wouldn't think you were really a Barnes."

I followed him into the kitchen. "I don't know anything about being one, Jace. I know I had a life before Hydra, I just don't remember any of it."

"I can tell you what I know, if you'd like."

I nodded, sitting down at the table while he moved around in the kitchen, getting out pans and bowls, opening the fridge. He talked while he puttered with a device on the counter and I smelled coffee shortly after that. He poured us both mugs and handed me one while telling me things about myself that I had to have known at one time.

A while later, Sarah came padding into the kitchen, smiling at me as she walked past to get a mug from the cupboard and pour a cup of coffee.

"Morning. Sorry I overslept." She came over to Jace and rested her head on his arm.

"Hey Sarah. It's fine," he said, smiling. "We didn't make any plans for this morning yet anyways." He gestured with the spatula for her to go sit down, so she took her mug and came over to the table, taking the chair opposite of me, both hands around her mug. She was beautiful in the early morning light, hair falling loosely down her back, semi curly and tousled. A small round red mark on her arm was the only proof of the gunshot wound I had given her a little more than a day ago.

"Want to spar after breakfast, Jace?" Sarah asked after a moment. I looked at her curiously; I was sure this was going to be interesting.

"Sure," Jace said cheerily. "I could use some practice with my fencing. I don't do a lot of that at the moment."

"All right. Swords first, then staves?" 

"If you insist," he shrugged. "I'm still not very good at staves. Knives tomorrow?"

"Of course. How's your throwing coming along?" she asked as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I'm getting better. Clint showed me a few tricks the last time I was here that helped. Is he going to be stopping by?"

"Not unless we call him. He's in town, though."

"Great. I might have to give him a call, then. He's always gone when I get here."

"It's called a job, and we've been really busy," Sarah said with a tinge of sass, making me smile. "I'm off until Steve gets back unless they really need me for something. I have to do some work from home, though."

"Who are Clint and Steve?" I asked, wondering who they were talking about.

Sarah and Jace looked at me with varying shades of dismay, and I looked at them in confusion.

"James, do you remember going to the museum with us yesterday?"

I nodded, wondering why they were asking me this. "Yes, they had a lot of interesting exhibits."

"What did you think of the Captain America exhibit?" Jace asked.

"I don't remember seeing that one." I shook my head. "What about it?"

Sarah slid her phone over to me. "Do you know who this is, James?"

I studied the picture of the handsome blond. Nothing about him was ringing a bell. I handed it back to her. "No, should I?"

She shared a look with Jace, sadness infusing her expression. "Yes, but I'm not surprised that you don't. Who am I, James?"

I stared at her for a moment, knowing that the first name that came to my lips wasn't right. "You are Sarah and that's Jace." Her expression lightened a bit, and I was glad I hadn't said Peggy, even though I'd really wanted to.

Jace handed us both plates before going back to grab his own and coming to sit down. I ate a couple bites before asking what I wanted to know.

"Why did you ask me these things? Did I do something wrong?"

"I...we...hoped that you would remember more than you do. You regained a fair amount of memories yesterday, James." She smiled gently before taking a sip of coffee. "Unfortunately, you also seem to have lost them overnight." She looked down at her plate, concentrating on stabbing a bite of egg.

"You remembered me, though," Jace said, glancing at me. "Including how I woke you the previous day."

"Yes, turnabout is fair play." I smiled at the memory of his expression. "You aren't connected to my past, Jace. I've only met you in _this_ time, so I don't have any previous memories of you."

"Yes and no," Sarah said. "You still have difficulty distinguishing between yourself and Jace in pictures." I thought about that and nodded. "But I think that's because you don't remember yourself yet."

"True. Physically, the differences between us are minor." I gestured at Jace. "If you couldn't see my arm, would you be able to tell if it was me or Jace?"

"I would, but others wouldn't. Just like Jace would know if it was me or Peggy in a picture, but others wouldn't."

"You're very close," I observed. "Like siblings, almost."

"Yeah," Sarah said, sharing a look with Jace. "We've been best friends since I moved in next door to him when we were 12."

"How old are you now?"

"18."

I looked at her closely, still trying to figure this out. "There's more to it than that. You don't take a bullet for someone just because they are your best friend."

They gave me a strange look before Sarah nodded at Jace before getting up from the table. She set her dishes in the sink and padded out of the kitchen.

"She doesn't like to talk about it, but I can tell you a little bit more about her," Jace said as he ate a couple more bites.

"I don't understand."

"First, you have to understand that Sarah is a universal donor, meaning that she can give blood to anyone." I nodded, this made sense to me. "Second, her blood also contains powerful healing qualities. She's brought several people back from the brink of death just by giving them her blood through transfusions."

"Including you?" I asked, seeing where he was going with this.

He nodded, giving me a crooked grin. "Yes. I had a very rare form of blood cancer as a kid. By the time I met Sarah, I was dying - nothing even modern medicine could fix. She saw something in me worth saving, so as a last ditch effort, she made arrangements to give me her blood and ended up curing me completely. I can never repay that kind of debt."

I sat back and processed that. It certainly wasn't what I had expected to hear. "No, you can't. So you've trained to be her bodyguard instead?"

"Something like that," he smiled as he reminisced. "When Sarah learned something new, she'd teach it to me so I could practice it with her, whether it was a language or a different fighting style. When she joined Shield when we were 14, I decided I'd do the same once I graduated high school - graduating was my parent's requirement, not Shield's. Thanks to her, they'd take me whenever I could get there."

"What skills do you have that would make them recruit you?"

"I'm a Barnes," he shrugged, like that explained everything – and it probably would if I knew what that meant in terms of skills or abilities.

"Which means?"

"In addition to everything else I've mentioned, I'm loyal, fearless, and I'm an excellent shot with most kinds of weapons."

"Really? You're that good?"

"I've been doing competitive shooting since I was a kid. Got all kinds of trophies to prove it." He gave me a small smile before becoming serious. "James, about what you said earlier, about not taking a bullet just because someone was your best friend?"

I gestured for him to continue, unsure of where this was leading.

He held my eyes and took a deep breath. "You didn't just take a bullet for your best friend, James. You died for him."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you and Steve were like me and Sarah. You'd do anything to protect him, and you did."

"How do you know this?" I asked.

"Steve told us about you, everything he could think of, from that last time you were both together. You had something that you used to say to each other that was just between you two. Do you remember that at all?"

I racked my brain, but came up empty. Jace handed me his phone with an old picture pulled up. I looked at it and smiled. It was of me and a smaller guy walking down the street in Brooklyn, my arm around his neck and big smiles on our faces. His name came to me – Steve – the Steve I knew. I looked up at Jace. "We used to tell each other 'I'm with you to the end of the line.' Our bus home was the last one into Hell's Kitchen. They wouldn't come any further in, so we had to walk a ways to even get to the bus stop if we ever went somewhere."

"It came to mean more than that as time went on, at least to Steve," Sarah said, and I looked at her in confusion, not having heard her come back into the kitchen. She sat back down in her chair and clarified for me. "The way that Steve meant it by the time he lost you, he never intended to live without you, James. His last mission with the Commandos was a reckless suicide mission to take Hydra down once and for all."

She cleared her throat and looked up, holding my eyes with hers. "It was a couple days after your supposed death, and one way or another, I don't think Steve ever intended to survive that mission. He buried a plane in ice in the Arctic loaded with bombs that were targeting major US cities, including New York. The only reason he survived was because the serum they gave him to turn him into Captain America allowed him to somehow go into suspended animation while he was frozen in ice for 67 years."

I stared at them for a long moment before looking back down at the picture. "I'm going to beat his punk ass for doing something so stupid."

"Now you sound like Bucky," Sarah said with a smile. I looked back up and she was sharing a look with Jace. I didn't remember a lot yet, but now that I knew I had had that kind of relationship with someone else once; I missed it, that feeling of understanding.

"If you guys want to get dressed for the day, we'll head down to the basement to the workout room. James, I left you some clothes out on the bed."

Jace took our empty plates and put them in the sink before heading to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Sarah stood up and came over to me. I set the phone on the table and pulled her into my lap. She kissed my cheek and I turned my face to capture her lips with mine. She pulled back before things got too heated, climbing off my lap and pulling me to my feet. I put my arms around her, pulling her tight to my chest and deepening the kiss.

"Go get dressed, James. Not that I don't mind seeing you walking around shirtless, but it would be best if my neighbors don't notice your arm yet." She patted my chest and touched my shoulder where metal met flesh. I kissed her again, only pulling back when I heard a noise in the next room. Jace was standing there staring at us, having just walked out the bathroom. Sarah saw him too, and looked back at me.

"Go get ready; I'll talk to him."

 

*     *      *

Sarah's POV

James brought his metal hand up to stroke my face before setting me down on my feet and letting go of me. He walked past Jace, who was digging in his bag, studiously not looking at either of us. I walked over to him and sat down next to his bag. He glanced at me, but was ignoring me as he found a shirt and pulled it on.

"I'm sorry if I did something to make you mad at me, Jace. I thought Nat said she'd talk to you, so I don't know what you want to hear from me." He didn't even look at me, so I continued talking, knowing he was listening. "So I went for a run this morning to try and figure some things out. Clint and Maria were in already when I got to Shield."

"You ran to the Triskelion this morning? That's like 20 miles from here." He looked at me incredulously. It wasn't often I did things that reminded him I wasn't just human, so when I did, he noticed.

"15, but yeah. It's only a 45 minute run for me, Jace. Steve's faster; he can do it in less than 30 minutes and not even be winded." He gave me a look and I got back on subject. "Nat said she told you what she expected me to do, right?" I pushed, needing to hear him acknowledge me.

He finally nodded, "Yeah. I mean, the way Nat said it made it sound so _reasonable_ , and it kind of made sense since he came here for you in the first place."

"So what's with the silent treatment?" I said, looking at him with a confused expression. "I thought we talked about this already and you knew -"

"I just wasn't expecting to see you making out with him in front of me," he cut me off, his voice low and harsh. He met my eyes and let me see what he was really feeling; I wasn't prepared for the angry accusation in his eyes. "What are you going to tell Steve when he gets back? He at least deserves an explanation for why his girl is fucking his best friend!"

"The truth; I have no intention of hiding anything from him, even if that means that I lose him! Steve may be _your_ friend, _but I love him,_ " I said quietly. "I'm not doing this to hurt him, you know."

"I didn't say that -"

"Yeah, you did! Nevermind - I'll be downstairs." I sprang up from the couch, intending to walk away, but Jace caught my wrist, pulling me back over to him.

"I'm sorry for jumping down your throat. I shouldn't have overreacted like that, but you knew what happened with Kendra, right? I walked in on them going at it and they'd been sneaking around behind my back for a while."

I paused, looking at him steadily. "No, you never told me that. I waited to hear about it from you after Chloe told me, but you never said a word about it, not even when you broke up. I probably would've beat the snot out of the little bitch for two-timing you."

"Yeah, you would have. Sorry I didn't tell you. This whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way, I guess. This -" he gestured to my room, "is a little different than that."

"You think? He doesn't know who I am half the time, Jace! He can't remember his best friend from one day to the next!"

Jace nodded, "What did Clint say? He usually makes more sense than Nat."

"He thinks that I found James for a reason. I'm supposed to be helping him get his memory back, but the only thing he never forgot was Peggy. To him, I'm always Peggy."

"So you have to go through this all over again, like with Steve?"

"Basically." I said, looking down at the floor.

It wasn't easy for me to admit, but that'd been really rough on me emotionally, getting Steve to understand that I wasn't Peggy. This was going to be even worse because while I _knew_ what to expect, James' memory quirk meant that we were going to have the same conversations more than once, aggravating my bruised heart. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for rejection.

"Are you still going to help me? Because I need you, Jace." A tear rolled down my cheek and I looked away from him, not wanting him to see me crying. "I can't do this alone, not again," I said quietly.

"You don't have to," Jace said as he pulled me into his arms, giving me a reassuring hug. "I wouldn't dream of letting you do this without me. I know how hard it was the last time, and you were already pretty much in love with Steve. What kind of best friend would I be if I left you now?"

"Not my favorite one," I said and he laughed. "Seriously, though, thanks for being here."

"Any time, Sarah."

He let go of me and I walked over to the closet to grab the weapons. I found my rolled up bundle of practice swords and grabbed two staves as well. James must have figured it was okay for him to come out now because he walked out of the bedroom wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I tossed him a light sweatshirt and he pulled it on.

"You ready to spar with me, Jace? I promise to stick to human speed."

Jace laughed as he put his shoes on. "Bring it!"

"What do you mean by human speed?" James asked, putting on his shoes.

Jace smiled and shook his head. "She'll show you when we get downstairs. I'm not even going to try to explain. You just have to see it to believe it."

"All right," James said with amusement.

 

* * *

James' POV

I followed them down the stairs to the basement and into the workout room. They headed straight for the wooden floor, setting down the assorted weapons they had brought down with them. Sarah kicked off her shoes and took her phone out and tapped at it; the next thing I heard strange noise coming from the speakers around the room. I raised my hands up to cover my ears as it stopped abruptly.

"Sorry, James," Sarah said. "It's just music. I like to warm-up before long workouts."

"I was just...surprised. I don't know much about today's music. You can turn it back on."

She nodded, and the noise started again. I tuned it out and settled on the floor to watch them warm-up, interested in what they were going to do. This was something they had clearly done many times before; they moved in sync with the ease of long familiarity.

I watched as they moved through a progressive series of movements that matched the changing beats as they gradually engaged their whole bodies. It reminded me of something from a long time ago, when I knew Natalia for the first time as my little red ballerina.

Eventually the noise...music...stopped, just about the time I got used to it. They walked over and picked up their foils, saluted, and started fighting. I could tell that Sarah was holding back considerably, working harder to let Jace work through all the motions without pressing when she clearly had openings. Jace was giving it his all and while he was pretty good and had good form, he didn't stand a chance against her. They went until Jace was winded and his responses were too slow for her to ignore any more. She knocked his foil from his hands and caught it.

"Good job, Jace. You lasted three minutes longer this time. Your form's improved, too."

"Thanks. If I was fighting a normal person instead of you, I'd totally have kicked ass. What do you think, James."

"You're pretty good, kid. You telegraph your lunges when you get tired, though."

"I know. I can't seem to correct that when I reach that point."

"I can teach you. You move too differently from Sarah for her methods to work with you."

"Do you want to go against me, James?" Sarah asked, tossing me the foil. I caught it with ease, standing and taking off the sweatshirt before walking to the wooden floor.

"Thought you'd never ask, doll." I saluted her and moved into position while Jace sat down to watch and catch his breath.

I could tell that she was testing me at first, seeing what I could do.

"Don't hold back. Let me see what you're capable of."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm stronger and faster than Jace. Make me work for it."

I knocked her foil down hard, trying to draw her out. She rose to the occasion, making me work to hold my ground. I pressed her back with every strategy my muscles remembered, because our foils were clashing so fast all we could do was react. I don't know how long we were dueling for, but it was long enough that we were both dripping sweat by the time I won, my foil pressed to her heart. Jace clapped as we looked over to him. I used my shirt to wipe the sweat from my face, still breathing hard. I sat the foils down on the cloth before going over to Jace. Sarah followed me off the floor, picking up the staves.

"Damn, James," she said. "You are really good. I haven't had to work that hard in a long time."

"You're not so bad yourself, Sarah." I grinned at her and she smiled back, leaning on the staves.

"Wow!" Jace said with a huge smile on his face. "I've never seen you fight like that before, Sarah. I knew you could, I just never get to see it. James, I didn't know you were that good."

"I didn't know I was either. I learn new things every day." I grinned. It was the truth. I knew I had done that before, but I didn't know that until I was doing it.

"Ready, Jace?" Sarah asked, tossing him his staff. "Be aggressive. You lead, I follow."

He nodded, taking his place opposite her. She was still breathing hard, but she wasn't going to be exerting herself as much against him as she would against me. She made him work for it, and I could tell he had more experience with this type of weapon than foils, which wasn't surprising. Fencing was an art, but its principles followed through to other kinds of fighting.

Now that I knew what she could really do, it was even more apparent how much she was holding back with him. He overextended on his lunge and she made him run through the sequence again, this time he almost landed a hit before she blocked, but it was just so he would finish the strike sequence. They went until Jace had reached the point where he was getting tired and sloppy. He called a halt and looked over at me.

"You want a turn, James? I'm running on fumes here."

"Sure," I said with a smile, catching the staff he tossed me as he came over to collapse on the floor tiredly. "You still want a workout, Sarah?"

"Sure. This will be number three for the day."

"Four, you mean?"

"No, three. I went for a long run before dawn, my round with you earlier, and now this. My rounds with Jace are for him, not me. I won't hold back with you."

I nodded my agreement. I knew she said she'd went for a run, but I didn't know how long she was gone for before I woke up this morning. "How long of a run?"

"30 miles, give or take," Sarah said as she twirled her staff around herself.

I looked at her appraisingly; I already knew she was in incredibly good shape physically, I hadn't realized how fit she was until now. I twirled my staff, getting a feel for its weight and balance. It was a solid piece of wood with an iron core, meant to stand up to hard use. I got into position and extended my staff to tap hers. We flew into action, slower at first as we took each other's measure - she was good, really good.

I was out of practice, but it came back to me quickly; muscle memory got me out of a couple of tight places before I started to push her back. I was stronger, but she was faster, putting me back on defense sooner than I wanted. I picked up the pace, taking control again for a while. Eventually, she started to get tired enough to leave me the opening I needed to put her on the floor. I swept her off her feet, only to watch as she did an impressive twist in midair, landing squarely on her feet, staff at the ready.

"What was that?" I asked her, planting my staff on the floor and done for now.

She shrugged, wiping the sweat from her face. "Just something I picked up in South America. It comes in handy when I don't want to hit the ground. That was great, James. I haven't had a round like that in years." She handed me her staff and rolled up the swords, tying the bundle shut.

"How long have you been training?"

"Since I was a toddler. My biological dad, Tony, worked with my adoptive parents to get me the training I needed." Sarah slipped on her shoes and picked up her phone, handing me the sweatshirt to pull on to cover my arm.

"She's a textbook overachiever and she really loves workouts," Jace said, heading for the door.

"Jace!"

"Well, you are and you do. You aren't normal, Sarah."

"I think he knew that already, Jace. Right James?"

"No comment," I said with a grin. "How is it that you're able to not hurt Jace when you spar?"

"I usually try to dial myself down to regular human reaction times, that's all," she said with a shrug. "I've been this way my whole life, James. My strength grew as I developed physically. As a toddler, I learned that I could hurt people and my parents helped me to learn control so I wouldn't break bones or kill someone accidentally."

"You are amazing," I said, taking her hand as we walked out of the gym, following Jace up the stairs. "It's been a long time since I've been able to spar with someone without holding back." I wasn't exactly sure, but I knew it'd been a while since I'd had to fully exert myself.

"You attack harder with your human arm than your cybernetic one, I noticed. Were you right handed before?"

Her question took me by surprise, and I didn't remember. I looked at both of my hands, thinking about what I did know. "I don't know. I use it more for things like this." I took one of the staves and twirled it with one hand and then the other. "I can shoot with either, but unless I need the extra power, I try not to use the full strength of my cybernetic one. It puts me off balance, leading with it."

"I would imagine you tend to destroy a lot of things," Sarah said with a grin. "I know I sure go through a lot of weapons myself and I know you're stronger than I am. I'm still pissed I shattered my favorite katana last week."

I smiled at her, bemused. "How did you do that?"

"You're not concerned I have a favorite sword?"

"Nope. You don't sleep with it, do you?"

She laughed as she walked into her apartment. "Not anymore. Clint and I were goofing around and he accidentally used one of his special trick arrows instead of the blunt practice ones and it shattered my sword when I attempted to knock it out of the air." She leaned the staff against the wall and I set mine down as well.

"How do arrows and swords go together?" Jace asked, looking back at her.

"Well, they don't," she admitted sheepishly. "He shot, I deflected. It was easier than trying it with bullets...and Steve said we couldn't practice that maneuver with guns."

I gritted my teeth at her logic. "I agree with Steve. Arrows deflect easier than bullets because they're slower."

"Whose idea was that?" Jace asked her as he pulled his sweat soaked shirt off, throwing it at her. She threw it back at him, even harder.

"Gross! I'm not sure, actually. It might have been a dare, but Steve and Tony _both_ said we weren't allowed to do it ever again."

"Tony flipped when he found out?"

"Understatement! Nat won twenty from Clint when Tony stormed out sputtering about stupid circus tricks. He was so mad he called Steve so he could yell at us over the phone since he wasn't even in the country. I thought we were doing pretty good from the footage I saw; I wore my catsuit and we did it in the shooting range, at least."

"Be happy he didn't call your Mom and tell her about it," Jace sighed and walked to the bathroom, slamming the door angrily behind him, letting us both know that he was displeased with her. 

I looked at Sarah curiously. "Why were they angry so about it? Did you get hurt?"

She looked embarrassed. "The percussive blast knocked us both out for a bit and fried my com, which made the team come looking for us; I think it scared them, hearing the blast over their coms. Tony - well, I get that I probably deserved the lecture he gave me; he's my biological dad."

"So you have parents and a biological dad. You were – what is the word in English? _Prinyat_?"

"Adopted - and yes, I was adopted. My birth mother died having me prematurely and Tony wasn't ready to raise a child. My parents couldn't have kids of their own, so they asked to raise me."

Someone knocked at the door before coming in. I smiled when I saw Natalia come in, followed by another woman. Sarah was happy to see both of them, giving them a huge smile.

"What are you guys doing here? I didn't think I missed any calls."

"You didn't. We're at a dead end, so Maria wanted to meet James."

I looked at the unfamiliar brunette, analyzing her as she walked cautiously towards me. She was quite pretty, with dark, sleek brown hair pulled back into a tight chignon, her blue eyes studying me in a way that made me want to stand up straighter. She was tall and slender, moving with the grace of a fighter. She was also armed, with a couple guns and at least one hidden knife on her, similar to Natalia's preferences.

"James, this is Agent Maria Hill, my friend and boss. Maria, this is James Barnes." Sarah said, introducing us.

I held out my hand to her and she took it in a firm grip. I turned her hand and brought it to my lips to kiss it. She pulled her hand back quickly, a flush blooming on her cheeks. Natalia rolled her eyes and I grinned.

"Where's Jace?" Natalia asked, looking around.

"Shower." She jerked her thumb to indicate the bathroom behind her. "We already fenced and sparred with staves this morning. Jace's gotten better since the last time we sparred, but still needs work."

"Good. If you want, I can ask Clint if he wants to go a couple rounds with him."

Sarah nodded. "That would probably be better for him; it would be a more even match, at least. I'm not convinced I can slow myself up enough to really benefit him. James said he'd show him a few things, too." She jerked her thumb at me. "You didn't tell me how good he is, Nat." Sarah looked over at me and smiled.

"It was nothing," I said, shrugging. "I enjoyed the workout."

Jace came walking out of the bathroom with nothing on but a towel around his hips. He took in the additional females and nodded to them as he walked over to the couch to get his clothes, seemingly unperturbed.  "Hey, Nat. Hi, Maria." They both gave him a smile, glancing over at him before turning their attention back to the conversation. Natalia's eyes kept straying to him, but he didn't see.

Sarah laughed, patting my arm. "Yeah, because 'nothing' totally kicked my butt this morning at both staves and fencing."

Natalia smirked at me and Maria looked at me with surprise.

"It's good for you," Jace said with a smile as he threw his backpack over one shoulder. "Now you know how I feel going against you all the time."

Sarah stuck her tongue out at him and I laughed as he returned the gesture before walking into the bedroom to get dressed, shutting the door behind him.

"I'm going to jump in the shower quick, since Jace is out," Sarah said, backing up and pivoting smoothly.

"How are things coming along, James?" Natalia said, shifting her focus to me.

"Slowly. My body remembers how to do things before I even know I can do them, which is ...disconcerting. I'm starting to remember some things, but most of the time its like I'm only getting fragments. Eventually I can put it mostly together, but there are a lot of missing pieces. Peggy and Jace have been trying to help me remember, though."

"Sarah, James." Natalia said quietly, correcting my slip. I stared at her for a long moment before I slowly nodded my head. Jace came out of the bedroom, pulling on his shirt as he walked over to us to join the conversation.

"It's going to take time for you to remember everything," Maria said. "Hydra was quite thorough in their attempt to keep you blank, from what I've heard." 

"Look, James," Jace said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I can understand how frustrated you are, but it's been at least 67 years since you've had your memory. You might have even lost it from the impact of the several hundred feet free fall you somehow miraculously survived."

I still didn't remember that part, but the boy had a point. I hadn't lost it just yesterday, and it was going to take time for it to come back. I wasn't certain that I wanted to have to wait that long to remember who I was. I looked at Natalia, thinking of what Sarah had asked me earlier. "Am I right or left handed?"

She met my eyes and licked her lips before speaking. "You were right handed when I first knew you, James. When they reprogrammed you as the Winter Soldier, you became left hand dominant. I don't know if that was because you fought the programming or if they wanted you to show off your cybernetic arm."

I looked down at my hands, turning them over and moving my fingers. "Both, I think. I was to instill fear in Hydra's enemies as I took out my targets. This I know for a fact because my handler said it at our last meeting before I left the country."

"Well, I'm sure a dude coming at me with a metal arm would rattle my confidence, especially since you even walk like a bad ass," Jace said, giving me a crooked grin.

I smiled at his explanation. "That was part of the point of my battlesuit, if you've seen it."

"I haven't, but I can guess." Jace smiled. "Black leather, straps, buckles, lots of obvious weapons including the arm?"

"Yeah, that's the kind," I nodded.

"And factoring in a show of strength to make them want to piss their pants, I definitely wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley."

"If I'm that close, you'd already be dead," I said matter-of-factly. "I'm a sniper. I want to see you shoot, kid. You remind me of how I think I used to be a long time ago."

"He really does remind me of you," Natalia said with a wistful smile. "You have a lot of the same mannerisms, which I find surprising considering you had never met until the other day."

"Must be a family thing, then. Have you met his brothers?"

"No, but they are still quite young. 10, I think?"

"Yes, and they would _love_ to meet you all," Jace said with a grin. "They're big fans of the Avengers, especially since they've met Steve. Just so you know, I wasn't planning on letting them know about Uncle James until I absolutely had to and definitely not until after Christmas break is over."

"Why is that?" I asked, surprised that he would keep my existence from his family after the tussle he and Sarah had gotten into yesterday.

"They're 10 year old twin boys with the combined energy of a litter of puppies and about as much brains, too. Ask Sarah."

Sarah had just walked out of the bathroom in a light robe, a towel in her hair. "I heard my name. Ask me what?"

"Were you planning on telling my twin brothers about James?"

"God no! Your parents and grandparents, yes. James and Grant, no – not until we have to. Why? You want them to bother you incessantly until you cave in and let them meet him?"

"I was trying to explain them to everyone."

"Show them the video I took the last time I babysat for your parents and you were gone. This spring,  before they met Steve. I'll be right back."

He picked up Sarah's phone and tapped at it until he found what he wanted. He held it so we could all see and started the home movie. By the time it was over, Sarah was standing next to me. I pulled her into my arms, resting my chin on her shoulder.

"Any arguments now?" Jace asked, looking around at us. I shook my head, knowing that I didn't want to have to deal with that craziness yet – if ever.

"Nope. I'm not ready to meet those Tasmanian devils," Natalia said with a grin. "How is it that you turned out normal, Jace?"

"I was already in school when they were born. It took them a couple years to get to that point, but they would hound me until they met James if they ever found out he was alive, too."

"Well, I would hate to have to kill them for annoying me."

"James!" Sarah said, turning so she could see my face. "You can't just kill people that annoy you. Besides, they're your family too."

"I wasn't being serious," I said with a smile. "I've never killed a kid." Not that I could remember, at least, and they knew that.

"I find that oddly reassuring," Jace said, covering his grin. "But these kids will try the patience that I know you don't have."

Sarah punched Jace, and I laughed as he rubbed his arm. "That hurt. You don't hit like a girl, Sarah."

"Jace, I highly doubt any of us do. Maria could have you laying on the floor asking for the number of the truck that hit you just as much as Nat and I."

"True," Maria said thoughtfully. "We'd have a lot less recruits if I had to deal with them during training. By the time I get them, they almost have manners and don't drag their knuckles when they walk." I smiled at her tone, even if I wasn't sure exactly what she was talking about. She jerked her thumb at Natalia. "Nat isn't allowed to train the recruits alone anymore after the last bunch."

"Which group?" Sarah asked, raising an eyebrow. "The ones that just left or the group before that when I was in South America?"

"The latter. A couple of them decided to flirt with suicide and hit on Natasha, so she put them in their place."

Natalia smirked evilly. "Dr Blake gave me a lecture after that. He said he has enough business without my help."

"I even heard about that at Ops." Jace said. "I'm amazed you didn't kill them, Nat. I'd even help you after having met them around campus, not that you need my help."   

"Thanks, Jace. I'll keep that in mind when it's your turn to come to Triskelion for training." She rubbed her hands together menacingly.

"Can't wait," Jace said with a crooked grin. "Just remember to call me by the right name."

"Sure, Agent Knight."

"Why are you changing your name?" I asked him. That didn't make any sense to me - he was so proud to be a Barnes.

"To keep him from being a target," Sarah said grimly. "Since your death, every Barnes male that has joined _any_ branch of the armed forces has died in combat following a failed capture. We think Hydra is targeting them because you successfully assimilated whatever serum they gave you; therefore, genetically, Barnes men are predisposed to having a higher chance of success as well. The serum doesn't work the same on everyone, but Barnes men all seem to possess the same qualities."

I sat down, processing that. Because of me, my family had been searched out by Hydra. They had tried to capture them, but hadn't been successful yet. I looked over at Jace and knew why they had wanted them if they were anything like him. 

"How long has this been going on?" I asked, looking at Sarah and Natalia.

Sarah played with her hair while she spoke, winding it around her finger. "WWII. I researched Jace's family history not long after we met. His uncles were telling stories to the twins when they were in their soldier phase and they were trying to convince the boys that they shouldn't join up, making sure that Jace was listening too since he was 14 or 15.

I'd heard the stories of Cap and Bucky from various members of Jace's family. Even then, you were able to do things that normal men couldn't. There's something else you should know about me, James; I'm really good with computers, like crazy good. I hacked into the Shield archives, along with every other military archive, to find out the truth."

She took a deep breath and looked over at Jace. He nodded, so she continued speaking. "You had another cousin that enlisted not long after you shipped out. Several months after your rescue from Azzano in '43, he was captured but died from wounds inflicted during the capture. Flash forward to several years after your supposed death, another cousin enlists. It's peace time, should have been fine. He was one of the early casualties of the Korean War." Sarah started to slowly pace as she continued to lay out the gory evidence of Hydra's interest in my bloodline.

"You had a lot of male cousins – still do, in fact –  Barnes' seem to be a proliferate bunch, but my point is that _every single enlisted Barnes male has been targeted_. Your cousins that don't share your surname seem to be luckier, most of them return home following their respective tours of duty. But if they're a Barnes, they come home in a box." She stopped pacing to look out the window and wrapped her arms around herself. I got up and walked over to her, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"That's why, when Jace wanted to join Shield, I talked to Director Gregg about it and made an action plan. He's been listed as Jason Knight since day one on Shield's books. I'm in the process of getting ready to digitally erase Jace Barnes, but I won't until he attains Agent status. The only thing I'm concerned about now is his uncanny resemblance to you, but that's just genetics for you."

I stared at her in amazement, reaching my human hand out to her. She had managed to make sure he would be as safe as could be from Hydra. She took my hand and I pulled her into my lap.

"Thank you, Sarah," I said in awe as I linked my fingers with hers. "For protecting my family when I couldn't. How do you not hate me for painting a target on his back?"

 


	11. Adjustments

James' POV

I stared at Sarah in amazement, reaching my human hand out to her. She took my hand and I pulled her into my lap. 

"It's not like you volunteered to be Zola's guinea pig, James," Sarah said. "According to the other POW's, everyone else that went into that room died; I'm convinced that sheer Barnes determination kept you alive there.  Hydra experimented on you two years before your death. Whatever they did made it so you are here today, so how can I hate you? Jace certainly doesn't."

"Yup. Totally I don't hate you," Jace said, smiling slightly. "I wish you had your memory back so you could tell me all kinds of cool stories about when you were a Howling Commando with Cap, but I'm glad you didn't really die, James."

"Who all knows about this?" I asked, concerned about the boy's safety being around me.

"The fewest people possible. Director Gregg, Director Fury, Maria, the Avengers, Jace's parents, and now you."

"And if Hydra takes me again?"

"If they have you, why would they want a teenage boy that kind of looks like you?" Maria said.

"It's not like he hasn't been training since he was a kid to be an Agent," Sarah said. "You watched him today, does he stand a chance against most attackers?"

I thought about that and nodded. "Unless they are like Natalia or I, he should be able to stand his ground. I would rather he be killed than captured, though. Some things are worse than death."

"You would know, unfortunately," Sarah said, putting her hand on my cybernetic arm.

"There's something else, James." Natalia pressed her lips together and tucked her hair back behind her ears. "We were sent to bring you all to a meeting. Peggy Carter wants to see the three of you – today."

Sarah shared a look with Natasha and Maria before looking up at me. "You better go get cleaned up, James. We don't want to keep her waiting."

 

*                  * 

As I looked out the window of the SUV, I still couldn't believe I was going to see my Peggy again. Sometimes it felt like the almost 70 years it had been since I had last seen her, other moments, it was just yesterday. I let the other conversations wash over me as I thought about Peggy. There was a lot that I didn't remember and a lot of random bits that didn't quite make sense. I thought about everything I remembered about her: the way she felt, the British way she spoke, her determination to be as good or better than most men, her loyalty.

The vehicle came to a stop in a parking lot, and we all got out. I reached for Sarah, needing her to ground me as my anxiety increased. What if she didn't remember me? What if she didn't want anything to do with me now that I was maimed?

I watched as Maria signed us in. There was a lot of security around here and my surroundings didn't make sense. Most of the people I saw were elderly, in wheelchairs or using walkers. The ones that weren't severely crippled were workers with uniforms and name-tags. Sarah glanced up at me often, smiling reassuringly even though I could tell she was trying to contain her curiosity as well.

"What is this place?" I asked her as we maneuvered past a worker pushing an old man in a wheelchair.

"This is a nursing home – a place that cares for the elderly. These people can't live in their own homes anymore because they either can't take care of themselves or they need medical supervision."

"Why are we here? Why would Peggy have us come here? As a diversion?"

I looked down at Sarah, not sure what the expression on her face meant. "James, do you know what year it is?"

"2012."

"What year did you see Peggy last?" She asked quietly, pulling me aside into an empty room.

"1945. Why?"

Sarah licked her lips before answering, looking almost hesitant. "James, Peggy was 24 in 1945; she's 91 years old now. Peggy Carter is an old woman who lives here now."

The floor dropped out from under me and I couldn't hear anything other than the sound of my own heartbeat. A warm hand held mine as I closed my eyes in denial. Peggy couldn't be old; I had just seen her wearing that red dress not so long ago, looking young and beautiful. I felt someone squeeze my arm gently and I opened my eyes to see Peggy holding my hand.

"Peggy," I breathed, pulling her to me and putting my arms around her small frame. I kissed her cheek and cupped her face with one hand. "Peggy."   

She shook her head sadly, placing her hand over mine. "No, James, I'm Sarah. Remember?"

"Sarah. Not Peggy?" I asked, confused. She looked like Peggy, even felt like Peggy, but she said that she was someone else, and that still didn't make sense to me.

"Sarah," she said firmly, stepping out of my arms. "We're here to see the real Peggy Carter. Do you want to see her, James?"

"Yes."

"You do understand that she has aged since you last saw her? She's an old woman now."

I shook my head. "I don't understand, but I still need to see her...to make her real to me."

Sarah – if that was really her name – nodded and took my hand, leading me to the open door the others had entered. She pulled me inside the small room and over to the hospital bed, letting go of my hand and guiding me from behind. There was a frail old woman in it with surprisingly intense chocolate brown eyes. She held out a gnarled hand to me. I took the older woman's hand in my human one, moving closer to bring her hand to my lips.

She laughed quietly and I looked over at her. "You always were a charmer, Sergeant Barnes. Good to know some things haven't changed."

I knew that voice. It was a little weaker now, less steady than I remembered, but still familiar. "Peggy? What happened to you? Is it really you?" I gently rubbed my thumb over her hand, being careful to not use any pressure on her fragile, paper-thin skin.

"It's really me, Bucky. I'm only human, and humans age." She pulled me closer, brushing her soft hand over my face. I put my hand over hers, staring at her like I'd never seen her before; in a way, I hadn't - not like this, at least. "You've been gone a long time, darling." Her smile was a little wobbly as I kissed her palm.

"That's what they tell me." I sat down in the chair beside her bed, holding her hand gently. "Some days it seems like it was only yesterday that I last saw you."

"I know I'm not what you remember, but it is me. It's been a long time, but I'll never forget the first time we talked. Do you remember that?"

"It's one of the few things I've always remembered. They couldn't take that from me for long. You wore a pretty red dress and nice shoes. I asked you to dance and you turned me down flat."

"I was there to give Steve a message, but I noticed you. How could I not with your smooth talking confidence and little crooked grin."

I heard a muffled laugh behind me and the sound of someone hitting someone else. Sarah patted my back, and I knew she found that part amusing. I grinned at Peggy, who smiled widely.

"Yes, that exact grin, Bucky. Anyways, after that I night, I watched the two of you together. Steve was so happy to have you back he was beaming. You didn't let him out of your sight for any longer than you had to, either. You went everywhere with him." She looked at me, holding my eyes. "You're the reason he truly became Captain America, you know; he did it to rescue you. We were told you were most likely dead, but he wasn't going to believe that was true until he'd seen you with his own eyes."

I shook my head slowly, drawing back a little bit. "I don't remember Steve, Peggy. I don't remember a lot of things." Her grip on my hand tightened, keeping me next to her.

"So I've heard. I'm sorry we didn't look harder for you, Bucky. After we took out Hydra, we looked for your body, but came up empty. You fell into an icy, slushy, river and we couldn't find any trace of you, not even with dogs."

"Hydra found me and took me back to a hidden base. They gave me this," I held up my metal hand and she glanced at it before returning her gaze to my face, "Keeping me cryogenically frozen until they needed my skills."

"You are a very talented man, and they knew that by the time they got ahold of you, Bucky. I've seen you make some almost impossible shots to protect Steve and the team." She smiled at me and squeezed my hand. "Now tell me about the other two with you. Maria and Natasha I know well. The boy could be your younger brother, you look so much alike."

"This is Jace Barnes, Peggy. He's family."

"I can tell. You're Bucky's great-nephew?"

Jace nodded, grinning at her. "Yes, ma'am. Was that why you wanted to see me?"

"Partly. Steve's told me about you - you threw him for quite a loop when he first met you."

"Yes, I did, quite unintentionally, ma'am. I didn't know I resembled Bucky that much until just then. It was also the same week Steve met Sarah, too. Poor guy had one heck of a week."

"He certainly did. Maria, you are going to have your hands full with these two."

"Oh, I know, Peggy." Maria laughed. "Are you sure you don't want your job back?"

Peggy, patting my hand with a soft smile on her lips. "No, but I do want to hear how Nick deals with all the ruckus these two are going to cause." She smiled up at me and I shook my head.

"I have no intention of causing trouble for anyone."

"Darling, trouble is your middle name." Peggy smiled widely, and I could still see the resemblance between her and Sarah. "If I had a dime for every crazy idea you and Steve came up with during the war, I'd be rich."

"It was Steve's fault, then - because I don't remember any crazy ideas."

"Good. Then you won't be tempted to try them out again or to get Howard's kid to build them, because he would."

"Will you tell me about them?"

"Yes, Bucky, I will. Not right at the moment, I'm afraid. They keep a tight schedule around here and I haven't got long before my nurse will be in to kick you all out. She thinks visitors wear me out." She smiled at me, and I could see that she was getting tired already. " Agent Evans, will you come forward so I can see you?"

Sarah came around me to stand next to me by the bed. "It's good to meet you, Agent Carter."

"Call me Peggy. You really do look like I did when I was younger. Amazing how uncanny the likeness is, especially since you're a Stark." Peggy gestured for Sarah to come closer. "I can see why you startled Steve at first. You're younger than I was the first time I met him, before he was chosen for Project Rebirth. Why is it that you haven't come with Steve to see me before now?"

"He has so little time with you, Peggy; I didn't want to take any of that away from him when it's been so good for him to be able to spend time with you."

"While you're telling the truth, you are also trying to spare my feelings. You weren't sure what it would do to me to meet you, correct? I am aware that sometimes my mind isn't what it used to be."

"Yes. Most people don't take well to meeting their doppelgangers." She gestured to me and Jace; Peggy nodded and made a motion for her to continue. "You were quite ill when I first joined Shield, though – pneumonia, I think – you weren't allowed to have new visitors until they were sure you were fully recovered. By then, I was off on missions and didn't spend much time in DC."

"I hear you are looking after Bucky and helping him adjust to his new life," Peggy remarked, looking at me with a smile.

"I am. It's been an interesting experience so far." Sarah gave Peggy a huge smile and Peggy laughed, squeezing my hand. A nurse walked into the room, taking a look around at at all of us.

"Ms Carter needs her rest now, so if y'all would be so good as to wrap your visit up, you can return another day to see her." We all nodded at the nurse in acknowledgment. "I'll be back in ten minutes, Ms Carter."

"All right, Sally," Peggy said, nodding at the woman before looking back up at Sarah. "I'm sure it has. We have much to talk about, Sarah. You will come to see me again soon." There was a hint of steel in her voice, and I recognized an order when I heard it.

"I will, Peggy. I have a lot of questions for you."

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't."

The rest all said their goodbyes, but I hung back to get a moment alone with Peggy. Sarah waited at the doorway for me and I lowered my voice to ask a question. "Peggy?"

"Yes, Bucky?"

"Back then, did I ever tell you how much you meant to me?"

Her eyes filled up with tears and she shook her head slowly. "Not in so many words, but I always knew. I'm sorry we never had the chance to make good on our promises, Bucky, but you have the chance to start over again, with Steve and Sarah."

"I'm not a good person, Peggy. I've killed a lot of people."

"Darling, you're still a good person. Flawed, like all of us, but you've been on Hydra's mission for so long that you think that's who you are when that couldn't be further from the truth. Does she think you're evil?" Peggy gestured to Sarah, who shook her head. She crooked her finger at Sarah, who started to walk back over to us.

"No, not even after I shot her."

Peggy fought a smile. "I suggest that you refrain from repeating that behavior, Bucky, but consider this for a moment. When Sarah found you, she wasn't _required_ to seek you out, or talk to you; she could have just walked away, leaving you in Russia when she realized you didn't know who you were. Even then, she saw something in you worth saving."

I looked at Peggy's earnest eyes before glancing back over to Sarah, who nodded. "You could have attacked me when I first met you, Bucky, but you didn't. You tried to walk away, but I wouldn't let you. You may have been an assassin while they kept you wiped, but the only time I've seen you attack is when you thought Hydra was coming to get you. Not when we were sparring, not when we were unarmed – only that once. Does that fit with the man you knew, Peggy?"

"Yes. You never started the fight, Bucky, but you would finish it if you had to, to protect others. I used to believe you were afraid of your considerable capacity for violence."

"Were you ever afraid of me?" I asked her, watching her face.

"No, never for an instant." She smiled gently at me, and I leaned down to kiss her forehead, gently stroking her cheek. "Come back to visit, Bucky. It was good to see you today."

"It was good to see you again too, Peggy. I've missed you so much." We turned to leave, but Peggy caught Sarah's hand in her gnarled one, keeping her from walking away.

"I'll be along in a minute, Bucky." Sarah said, smiling up at me. "Okay?"

I nodded and walked to the door. Looking back, it was strange to see Peggy and Sarah together. It was like my mind was playing tricks on me, seeing her both young and old at the same time.

 

*                   *                  *

Sarah's POV

"You are wondering why I would be intimate with Bucky when I loved Steve." Peggy stated, eyes searching mine.

"The thought had crossed my mind," I admitted softly. "I don't wish to hurt either of them, but how can I not? Part of my problem stems from the fact that James still thinks I'm you and he wants to continue something you used to have together, but I don't know what that was."

"You have to understand that back then, Steve and Bucky were inseparable after the rescue. Where one went, the other followed. I knew from before Project Rebirth their roles were reversed somewhat, with Bucky taking care of Steve before and Steve taking care of Bucky after."

I nodded, I knew that from listening to Steve's stories about him. Peggy's gaze was on an old sepia toned picture of the three of them together. I picked it up and handed it to her, watching her touch their faces through the glass.

"You wouldn't believe it, but Bucky and I didn't hit it off right away. I thought he was an arrogant skirt chaser, and therefore beneath my notice. We got into so many whispered arguments because Bucky thought I was taking Steve from him and letting him do dangerous things – the mission plans were ones that Steve and Colonel Phillips came up with – but Bucky still hadn't comprehended how much Steve had physically changed from the last time he saw him in the States."

"He still doesn't know the current Steve, only the pre-serum Steve."

Peggy nodded. "Steve wanted us to get along, pushed us together as much as possible, making us work together. Then one night, not long after that, we lost the team in a horrible blizzard that came up out of nowhere. We weren't dressed for the bitter cold, and by the time we found the barn, we were just shy of permanent frostbite."

I held up a hand, not wanting to hear more. "James told me he remembered being with you in that instance, and I understand how that could have happened. What did Steve say about it?"

"I felt horribly guilty afterwards, but when I tried to talk to Steve about it, he would change the subject to how glad he was that we were finally getting along and how lucky we were to find shelter when we did," Peggy said wryly.

I shook my head sympathetically. "That sounds like Steve." I hesitated before asking my next question. "This is going to sound prying, but I need to know. Were you...intimate with Bucky a lot?" My cheeks heated and I felt overly warm.

Peggy smiled wistfully. "We were together whenever we could. Being in the middle of an army didn't exactly lend itself to having a relationship. We all knew every time we went out that some of us might not come back. Bucky never thought he was going to come home from the war, you know. Especially after he was captured, that was his greatest fear – that Steve, pre-serum Steve, was going to be left alone back home, without him. He loved Steve more than life itself, which is why it's so heartbreaking that he doesn't remember that."

"I suppose that answers my question why you never had a real relationship with Steve in the couple of years you worked together?"

"Yes and no. Steve wasn't ready for that yet. We were at war, and he was still getting used to being watched constantly because of his new body and having people look up to him. He was a larger than life living symbol during the war, and as such was in a glass cage. I was his commanding officer and he didn't want anyone to look at me like they did the other women that threw themselves at him. He wouldn't even touch me or hold my hand for fear of the talk that would go around if others saw it."

"I see. He's too honorable for his own good at times, but that's just who he is."

"You see both sides of him, don't you?" She asked me, looking at me shrewdly.

"Yes, but most people don't. Fortunately, I met Steve Rogers before I met Captain America."

"I am thankful you found him, and I think they both need you, Sarah – whether they realize it yet or not – to ground them in this time. The past is gone, and we can't change that."

"Did you love him - Bucky, I mean?"

"Yes, I did; not at first, but he grew on me. He's a good man, even if he doesn't believe that anymore."

Peggy's nurse came back in the room and gave me a look. I smiled down at the older woman. "Yes, he is. I have to go now, but we'll come back another day. Bye, Peggy."

"Goodbye, Sarah. Thank you for bringing him back for us." Peggy squeezed my hand with surprising strength before letting me go.

James was waiting with the others in the hallway and I took his hand in mine as we walked out to the car, looking up at him. "Are you okay?"

He didn't answer right away, and I was a little worried. We got in the vehicle, and he stared out the window for a while. I didn't push, knowing that this had been a lot for him to process today.

"I don't know," James said as he put his arm around me and I leaned into him, letting him rest his cheek on my head for a while. I watched him in the reflection on the window, seeing his unfocused gaze.

"What are you thinking, James?" I asked, raising my head from his shoulder.

"She's really not you," he said quietly, meeting my eyes sadly.

"I'm not Peggy; I'm so sorry, I know you wished that it was otherwise." I took his metal hand in mine. "I've been honest about that from the first, even if you don't remember that. Do you remember anything else about Peggy?"

He considered that for a minute and I took that as a bad sign, looking away from him. "I do," he said, smiling at me. "I remember little things about Peggy. Not a lot, but more than before."

"That's good, James! It's a start."

He looked at me for a moment before smiling. "Yeah, I guess it is."

James was quiet the rest of the ride home, holding me and stroking my hair. I wasn't even sure that he was listening to our chatter, but he smiled every now and again.

 

*              *                    *

James' POV

I wasn't sure what to think at the moment. I'd seen my Peggy Carter today with my own eyes, touched her, talked to her. She wasn't as I remembered her, being an old woman now instead of the vibrant woman I loved 70 years ago. I knew without a doubt that the woman in my arms right now wasn't Peggy, but it still felt right to have her there. That was the only thing I knew for certain at the moment was that she belonged with me.

The vehicle stopped back at Sarah's apartment, and we all got out and walked upstairs, Jace and Natalia carrying the food we had picked up. It smelled good, familiar even.

Sarah was quizzing Jace on his Italian while I watched them set up the food, Natalia and Maria talking quietly in the living room. Sarah laughed when Jace misphrased his answer, putting an unintended meaning to his words.

"<If you say it that way, they'll know you don't belong,>" I said in Italian, and they both looked at me. "<Say it like this.>" I shifted a couple words to say what he intended and he repeated it before continuing with the lesson.

Sarah smiled at me. "I didn't know you spoke Italian, James."

"I didn't either until just now. I understood it all, it just took his blunder for me to realize it. I wonder if I know any other languages?"

"We can find out," she grinned. "I know about ten fluently and I'm familiar with a few more. Nat knows a couple more than I do."

"Sounds fun. Jace, how many do you know?"

"I'm only fluent in three and passable in a couple more as long as I don't have to say a lot," Jace said, shaking his head at us. "Just enough to get by as a tourist."

Sarah handed us plates and had us dish ourselves up as she walked in the living room to tell the others it was time to eat. "Foods ready, ladies! Come get your plates," I heard her say.

"What is this food called?" I asked Jace. He told me the names as he pointed to each dish.

"Take a little bit of everything, and if you like it, come get more," he advised, taking large portions of some things and tiny bits of others. "I don't know if I like these two, so I only took a couple bites so I can figure that out."

I put some of everything on my plate and set it on the coffee table to get a glass of water. Natalia settled on the couch next to me, continuing her conversation with Maria in Italian for a while before shifting to French. They drew me into the conversation, changing languages occasionally and seeing what I knew. We quickly left Jace behind, but he didn't seem to mind, watching us with amusement. I followed for the most part, losing them when they switched to Arabic and Mandarin, and again at Greek.

"<Well, I remember more than I thought I knew. I didn't even know I spoke those languages.>"

"English, James," Natalia said in gentle rebuke, putting her hand on my knee. "You're speaking Russian again."

I paused for a moment, shifting back to English again. "Sorry, Natalia. I didn't realize that I had lapsed."

"It's to be expected for as many languages as we've gone through today. You know more than I thought you did."

"I've got some studying to do, then." Jace said, standing up and stretching. "I've never heard anything like that before."

"That's because it's kind of a show off thing." Maria said, smiling at him. "Most people don't know that many languages unless you're a UN translator – or a Shield agent."

Sarah laughed. "Well, they certainly come in handy working with the Avengers. You know how many government officials I have to schmooze whenever an incident comes up that we have to deal with? Most of them refuse to speak anything other than their own languages."

"Yes, and you can have them all back in a couple weeks," Maria said with a smile. "Especially the Portuguese consulate. If he hits on me one more time, I'm not going to be responsible for my actions."

Sarah grinned, showing her dimples. "Thank you, Maria. Sorry I'm a sucky PA."

Maria laughed. "How many times do I have to tell you that's just your cover. You're an Avenger, kid."

"I will be when I have a good super hero name. Until then, I'm just your PA that happens to get sent into the field a lot."

"What is a PA?" I asked in confusion. I couldn't tell from their conversation alone.

"I'm supposed to be Maria's personal assistant. It's my job title at Shield."

"What does a personal assistant do?"

"If my Papi had his way, it would be a boring office job, but in my case, it involves whatever needs to be done: hacking, schematics, planning, requisitions, recruiting – you name it, I do it. I get missions ready to be run and sometimes go along with the teams when they need my skills."

"Sometimes? Most of the time, Evans!" Maria scoffed.

"Don't let her fool you, James," Natalia said with a smile. "Sarah likes to downplay her role, but she's an essential member of the team. She fights alongside the Avengers and provides them backup and tech skills."

I looked over at Sarah, who shrugged. She got up and went back into the kitchen and I heard her moving around in there. I looked over at Natalia, who only smiled. "She won't admit I'm right. I won't let her downplay her true value. She's the glue that holds our team together."

"She has a way with people." Maria looked at me. "It's a gift, actually, to be able to get such a strange group of people to be a cohesive team, relying on each other."

I looked at Natalia closer as Maria turned to talk to Jace. "She's your friend, too. You never used to allow people to become so close to you, Natalia."

"No, I didn't because they could be used against me. Relationships were weaknesses to be exploited by my handlers, like when they found us together." She crossed her legs and sat back, folding her arms over her chest. "But yes, Sarah is a very good friend and I trust her. Are you still okay with staying with her, James?"

I nodded. "It is very different from my previous life with Hydra, Natalia."

"Night and day?"

"That's an apt description, actually. How did you know?"

"Because I remember the Red Room and that kind of life all too well. It's nice to not live in constant fear, James; to be free from discipline...free to be with whomever I want to be with."

I took her hand in mine and smiled. "That is the best part – freedom. It's still strange, knowing that you are not forbidden anymore, that no one will punish me for looking at you."

"Yes, it is. I never thought I'd be able to touch you again when they took you away from me, James." She brought her other hand up to my face, placing her palm on my cheek. I covered her hand with my own, savoring the contact. A movement from the corner of my eye made me look up to see Sarah watching us with a small smile on her face.

"You care for her, yes?"

"Yes," I said after a long moment. "I know that she's not Peggy."

"Your brain acknowledges that they are different people; does your heart?"

"I don't know." I watched her walk over to Jace and sit down beside him, leaning on him comfortably. It was strange for me to see what could have been a picture of Peggy and I when we were younger, not that we could have  been so openly together back then. "I'm not sure it can tell the difference."

"Then give it time until you do know. If you push her too hard, she'll bolt again – she's still very young and unsure when it comes to men – especially men like you, who know what they want in a woman."   

"I'll try; she's still somewhat skittish of me at times, but I don't understand why. Do you know?"

Natalia gave me a measuring look. "She said you have two weeks, right?"

"How did you?" She raised an amused eyebrow. "Never mind, you always did know my secrets, Natalia. I'm guessing that's all you'll tell me?"

She smiled enigmatically, an answer in itself.

 


	12. Prototypes and PDA

Sarah's POV

It was good to see James smiling and happy, especially after his emotional visit with Peggy today. I was glad that he was reconnecting with Natasha because he needed to have people he could trust around him. I knew he was undecided about Maria yet, but he hadn't done anything that made me think he saw her as a threat, either. I stood there watching him for a little bit longer before going over to Jace and Maria to join their conversation. I sat down on the floor next to Jace, leaning my head on his shoulder as I yawned.

"Tired already, Sarah?" Maria asked.

"I could go for a nap; I feel like it's been a long day already. I ran 30 miles, sparred, and had a large meal a little bit ago. So what do you think of my new roomie?"

"It's going to be a while before he's ready to join Shield. He needs to get his memory back and get used to living in this time – including using technology – before we have that conversation. I wish I could be here when Steve sees him for the first time." Maria and I shared a smile.

"Me three," said Jace, poking my side. "I better get a phone call asap – the next day at the latest – with details from you, Sarah."

"You will, unless he gets back really late at night," I assured Jace before looking over at Maria again. "Maria, what's Clint doing today? I thought he'd come over with you."

"He's running interference with Tony today. We didn't tell him anything yet and he's starting to get suspicious that he hasn't seen you at Shield this week."

"I thought he was still mad at me for the arrow/sword incident, so I've been avoiding him so I didn't get another lecture."

Maria laughed and shook her head. "I don't know if he is or not, but you should talk to him soon, Sarah. He's sorry he overreacted – but you did give him - all of us, actually- quite a scare, there." She gave me a look and I felt my face heating up. "We heard an explosion and your shout, then our coms went down with no one knowing where you were."

"I'm sorry, I know we should have let someone know what we were up to." Jace elbowed me and I looked up at him. "We weren't trying to do anything stupid, we were just having a little fun." Jace glared and I glanced back at Maria. "If we let Tony meet James, I'll have to override Jarvis' protocols to keep Tony from contacting Steve in any way before Steve meets James. I love Tony, but the man can't keep a secret to save his life – not from Steve, at least."

"Thor can't either, but that's just his nature." Maria smiled. "Jane said she just doesn't tell him anything he shouldn't know for that reason."

"Have you talked to Thor lately?" I asked. "I haven't seen him in a while and Darcy was wondering when I saw her the other day."

"Not recently, but that's how he is, popping up unexpectedly for a couple days or weeks and then back to Asgard until he decides to visit again." Maria shrugged. "Time passes differently for Thor. Our years pass in the blink of an eye to him."

"I'd like to meet him sometime. Steve says he's pretty cool." Jace said, looking down at me.

"He is – he just doesn't quite blend in here. I think that's why he and Steve get along so well. Have you ever met Darcy?"

"Darcy who? Is she hot?"

"I'll show you a picture of her, but yeah, she's cute. She's really funny, too." I tapped at my phone to show him what my friend Darcy Lewis looked like before leaning back on my hands to look up at Maria. "So should I plan on bringing these two to movie night tomorrow or not?"

"It's up to you. Does James want to come?"

"I haven't asked him yet, but I need to use Tony's lab. I have an idea for a way to make James' arm look more human, help him blend in."

"What's that?"

"A version of the cloaking we use on the Quinjet just programmed to human skin instead of stealth mode. It wouldn't be a perfect cover, but I think I can adapt it to his prosthesis, assuming the Soviet tech will accept modification."

"When I watched you sparring today, I noticed that he uses his arm for blocking like Steve uses his shield. Will that stand up to that kind of abuse?" Jace asked, looking over to where James and Natasha were sitting, lost in their own world.

"I don't know," I said, thinking it over. "It takes a beating on the jet before failing, but I'd have to test it out once I modify it. My other option is to design a better arm for him that's lighter and less prone to overheating, but that would take surgery because his cybernetic arm is hardwired into his nervous system. He has full feeling in his arm and fingers."

"Really? That's amazing." Maria said, looking over at James studiously. "I didn't think that was possible- especially for the Soviets."

"Not for the Soviets, but for Hydra, yes." Jace looked at me with interest, and I realized I hadn't told him of my recent pursuit of Hydra. "I will admit they are very cutting edge with their tech even if I don't condone their methods by any means."

"No," Maria said. "I can't condone their methods either, but I've never seen anything like his arm and I haven't even seen the whole of it."

I knew James had been somewhat listening to our conversation because he turned to us then, looking at Maria.

"You would like to see all of it? My arm?"

"Yes, if you are willing to show me." Maria said, smiling slightly. "You don't have to if you don't want to, James."

He stood up and walked around the coffee table to give himself room. He pulled his shirt off, facing her. Maria stood up slowly and walked towards him, looking closely but not touching him. I stood as well, picking my tablet up from under the coffee table. I took a couple pictures of his arm before I perched on the arm of the couch, pulling them into a program I had built specifically for this purpose. I sketched rapidly as they talked, roughing in my design for his arm.

"This is incredible, James! Sarah said you have feeling, even though this is metal?"

"Yes. I can feel it if you touch me, the same as I can with my other arm, if not more." He must have indicated she could touch it because I smiled at her next words.

"It's so cold! It feels like metal but moves like muscle; is it heavier than your other arm?"

"I think so; the mass of the metal would naturally be heavier than the mass of my other arm." James said. "I've had it for so long I don't know what it felt like before any more."

"You walk like it's heavier as well," I said, not looking up from my sketch. "You probably don't even notice that you do, but your gait reflects it."

"No, I didn't." I could hear the surprise in his voice. "What are you doing, Sarah?"

"I have an idea for a way to make it so you don't always have to cover up your arm unless you choose to." I kept working as I talked, focusing on the lines I was drawing in. "We use a new method of cloaking on the Quinjet that makes it seem invisible to the human eye that I think I should be able to adapt for your cybernetic arm to make it look like skin. I need to ask Tony if I can borrow his lab to fabricate it if I can work it out. I'll show you in a little bit when I get it more sketched out."

"Okay. I didn't know you invented things."

"You should see the wings she invented when we were kids," Jace said, and I could hear the pride in his voice. "They're something else."

"Wings?" James asked, confused. "Like a bird uses?"

"Send it to the TV so he can see it better, Nat," I said distractedly, glancing over at her on the other end of the couch. "I know you've got a good clip of Sam from this summer on your phone when I gave him the latest version."

"I do," Natasha said. "He does like to show off."

"Didn't look like you minded," Maria replied, laughing.

"How old were you when you made these, Sarah?" Natasha asked while she found the video on her phone and connected to my TV through Bluetooth.

"Ummm, prototypes or Sam's version?" I asked, glancing up at James again.

"Both," Maria said, coming over to see what I was doing. I scribbled an equation on the side of the drawing before answering.

"Umm...prototypes I started working on when I was 10; my friends Sam and Riley were the first real test pilots. I needed them when I learned at 12 that at 80 pounds I didn't weigh enough to counterbalance the thrust capacity even for a smaller scale version."

"That explains how you managed to crash through my bedroom window. You never did tell me why you were wearing them, you know?" Jace said with a grin, poking my ticklish spot and making me giggle.

"I miscalculated on an experiment!  Sheesh! Like you've never made a mistake, Barnes?" James looked over at us with a puzzled look on his face. "I meant Jace, not you, James."

"I'm practically perfect in every way, I'll have you know, Evans," he replied seriously.

"Sure thing, Mary Poppins," I laughed.

"You crashed through a window?" James asked in concern, turning to look at me. "When you were how old?"

"12. I was fine, a little cut up, but otherwise I'd never have met Jace. I was testing an earlier version of those," I said, pointing at the tv screen as I heard it turn on. "Sam's version in the video is what I updated him to this summer according to his preferences." I smiled as I heard James exclaiming at what Sam could do. I stopped sketching to watch his expressions, enjoying his amazement.

"Now that is incredible!" James said, shaking his head. "Retractable wings with propulsion! What does it run on?"

"Proprietary fuel source. Only two people other than me and Tony know exactly what, maybe three. Maria, does Fury know?"

"Of course," Maria said. "Why else would he allow Sam to work with the teams? Nick knows everyone's secrets, Sarah."

"Hmm. I suppose he does or he wouldn't be a very good spymaster," I said, looking back at my drawings and putting the final touches on the rough sketch. "Done. Did you want to see?" The others turned to me, curious about what I was working on this time.

"Can I?" James asked, smiling at me. I flipped the tablet around and animated the illustrations. He watched it while it played through a couple times, the smile slipping from his lips until they settled into an inscrutable expression before looking down at his arm, flexing his fingers slowly. "You could make it so I would be...normal again?"

"That's the plan, unless you don't like it. Your cybernetic arm is a part of you, but it doesn't have to be the first thing people notice about you." I looked up at him, a little worried that he would think that I didn't like him the way he was. "What do you think? It's a rough sketch and it'll take a while for me to work out the specifics, but-"

He picked me up suddenly by my arms and kissed me passionately, making me drop the tablet. I was thankful it was the Steve-proof one Tony gave me after Steve broke the last one, so it shouldn't be damaged. I flushed as I noticed everyone else staring at us. My only coherent thought was a _t least he had his shirt back on now_ , as I met his cerulean gaze, so close to him I could feel his warm breath on my skin.

"It's great, Sarah! Do you think it will work?"

"Yeah, I do. I wouldn't brought it up or drawn it I didn't think I could do it." I smiled, holding his eyes for a moment. "James, do you think you can put me down now?"

I glanced down to see that I was a solid six inches off the floor. His grip was uncomfortably firm on my biceps, making my arms start to go numb. I was going to have bruises from his hands, but hopefully they would be gone before he noticed them. He instantly set me gently back down on my feet with an apologetic expression.

"Sorry. I didn't realize you weren't touching the floor." He ran his hands over my arms as I felt the blood rush back into them. Natasha handed me the tablet with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. I rolled my eyes at her before turning back to him.

"Kinda used to it by this point, actually. Steve still does that too every now and then. Guess I know where he learned it," I grinned, perching back on the arm of the couch again, resisting the urge to rub my arms.     

"Who's Steve?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

"A friend," I answered quietly, knowing it wouldn't do any good to elaborate further on that right now. "Someday you'll remember him, James."

 

*                 *                *

James' POV

"Someday I'll remember everything, but not today, I guess." I smiled at Sarah as I came to sit next to her, startling her again when I pulled her into my lap. "What is this thing?" I asked, tapping the thing she was holding in her hands. The others became absorbed in their own conversation, pretending to ignore us.

"It's a tablet – a kind of computer. I can explain it all to you a little later, okay?"

"Okay. Tonight?"

"Sure, if you want. It'll take a while to show you how to use everything."

"I've got time," I said to her, thinking back to when she'd said that to me in Kiev. She smiled widely, showing her dimples. I raised one hand to stroke her face and rested it at the nape of her neck, pulling her close for another kiss. I felt her start to tense when she realized what I was doing.

"I'll be right back; I need to switch the laundry." She jumped up and grabbed her keys from the bowl before walking out the door.

I sighed, looking over at Natalia, whose amusement was evident. "Why did she run? I kissed her earlier today and she didn't react like that."

"She panicked; she's not used to you yet," Jace said, standing up, arms crossed. "Nat, will you go talk to her?"

The redhead smirked. "I don't think she wants to hear what I have to tell her, Jace. Maria, you should probably go. She's next door at Steve's."

Maria nodded, "Sure. I'll give her a little time before going over there."

"Not a good plan," Jace interjected. "She keeps stuff there and is perfectly capable of going AWOL, especially right now."

"She would, wouldn't she?" Maria asked, glancing between Jace and Natalia.

"Yup." Natalia confirmed. "She took her phone, too."

"I'm going already!" Maria said, throwing up her hands in exasperation as she walked out the door, muttering under her breath about headstrong teenagers.

Jace pulled out his phone and looked at it. "Kate's back. I'm going to stop over and say hi. I'll be back in a little bit."

Natalia made a shooing motion and Jace laughed as he headed to the door. He made a couple motions with his hands and Natalia clicked her tongue at him and motioned something back. His eyes widened and he ducked out quickly.

"Did you just threaten him?"

"Maybe. It worked."

"What did you say?"

She laughed and shook her head before kissing my cheek. "Nothing you need to worry about, James." She stroked my cheek gently, meeting my eyes. "How are you handling everything so far?"

I ignored her question, not wanting to think about it right then. "Why did she really run from me, Natalia?"

"You are quite intense, James. She's not the kind of person to kiss you in front of everyone else; she doesn't go for PDA."

"PDA?"

"Public displays of affection – kissing, caressing, that kind of thing – tends to make people uncomfortable."

"Oh. That helps me to understand what I did wrong. So it's acceptable to do this," I held her hand and she nodded. "But not this," I murmured as I pulled Natalia onto my lap, kissing her boldly.

"No, it's not," she said against my lips as she tangled one hand in my hair, running the other down my arm. She stroked my tongue with hers, deepening the kiss before she slid off my lap just as suddenly, leaving me disorientated as the door opened. I blinked as Maria and Sarah came back in, chatting as Sarah dropped her keys into the bowl and carried her laundry basket into the bedroom, Maria following her.

 

*         *         *

Sarah's POV

"No, he and Kate aren't a thing – yet," I said to Maria as we walked back to my apartment. "They try to hang out at least once when Jace is in town if they can, but that's about it." Maria opened the door for me so I didn't have to shift the full basket in my arms.

"Because she thinks he's too young for her? There's what – 5 years between them?" Maria asked.

"No, six. That's kind of a big gap right now, don't you think? That's less than me and Steve and we struggle at times."

I ignored the couple on the couch as we walked past, having clearly interrupted a moment between them. Natasha's favorite lipstick was all over him and his hair was mussed. I shut the bedroom door behind us. Maria gave me a look.

"What?" I asked as I set the basket on the bed. "They belong together."

"He doesn't look at her the way he looks at you," Maria said quietly, pulling the empty hangers out of the closet and setting them on the bed, fluttering her eyelashes comically. "His eyes hardly ever leave you, you know?"

I held up one hand and shook my head. "I don't want to know. He shouldn't look at me that way at all, so I'm all for it, Maria. It's better this way; I don't feel as guilty about being with James if I'm only ever Peggy to him. Steve _of all people_ doesn't deserve to be cuckolded twice in one lifetime by his best friend and his girlfriend."

"Ouch!" she winced. "When you say it like that it really sounds bad."

"Yeah, because it sounds even better when you know that he doesn't believe I'm not Peggy and can't remember much about his life before a month ago." I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Nat told me that she was okay with me being with James."

"That doesn't surprise me. She flat out told you to your face, I assume?"

"Yeah, when she was telling me that she didn't plan on defining their relationship as anything more than friends with benefits."

"Leaving him technically free to pursue you. Are you going to let him sleep with you tonight?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Maria. James can sleep on the couch and Jace can stay at Steve's; it'll be better that way, I think."

Maria gave me a skeptical look. "If you say so. I don't think he'll stay on the couch, though."

"Change of subject. Speaking of looks, I've seen the way that Clint looks at you." I started hanging up James' shirts, laying them on the bed until I made a space in my closet for them.

"And how is that?" she said, sitting down on the chair by the closet to watch me put things away.

"You're not denying it." I studied her as my hands were busy, watching the flush spread across her lovely face.

"There's nothing to deny! We're friends and co-workers, former partners, nothing more than that," she said in a tone that lacked conviction.

I pinned her with a look. "Seriously, you like him, Maria – and he's into you, too. You know how much Clint _hates_ mornings and he's in your office long before dawn?"

"We still hadn't left from the night before!"

I raised my brows at her. "So I interrupted? You could've told me to come back later; my stupid teenage issues could have waited!"

"No, they couldn't have," Maria said with a smile. "You were almost at full panic mode by the time you got to Shield, Sarah. You can't deny that."

"Wasn't going to. I knew I was out of my depth." I hung up a couple more shirts before moving on to folding. I sighed deeply. "I really miss Steve right now. He's the one who likes this part of doing laundry."

"I wouldn't have guessed that," Maria laughed. "And nothing is between Clint and I. Not that I wouldn't mind, but I don't think there ever will be."

"Why not? He's single, you're single-"

She shook her head abruptly. "He's not over Nat; sure, they're not together at the moment, but they will be again. Ever since he found her, she's all he ever wanted, Sarah."

"That was before my new roomie showed up!" I indicated the living room. "Looks like that could change; just give it a thought, will you?" I carried the hangered shirts over to the closet, making James his own section by pushing over some of Steve's shirts that had somehow made their way into my closet.

"I'll give it a thought if you'll stop running from James. Poor guy didn't know what he'd done wrong to scare you off."

I sighed. "No, I suppose he wouldn't. He's just so intense at times, like 0-60 in .5 seconds. Maybe I'm just used to Steve and he's almost the opposite of James."

"I've seen you with Steve, Sarah. He's pretty intense around you, too. I wouldn't be surprised at all if he pops the question by Christmas. Have you thought about what you'll say?"

I smiled as I emptied the unmatched socks and underwear on the bed, needing to find a drawer for James' things. "There's only one response I'd give him to that – yes, of course. Just not right away since I'm only 18 and we really haven't been together for that long."

"I forget you're so young sometimes until something brings it back to my attention."

"Like this morning?" I felt my phone buzz, so I pulled it out of my pocket to see who sent me a text.

"Yeah, little things like that."

"Nat says we can come back now."

"Good, because we should probably get going. Just to warn you, we'll need you Friday for a mission. Okay?" She stood up and headed for the door, opening it for me.

"Sure. Jace will be here to stay with James. Who's all going?"

"You, Nat, Rumlow and Strike 2."

I gave her a thoughtful look. "Think anyone's going to be upset if I kill Rumlow accidentally?"

"Nick gave specific orders to both you and Nat on that -do I have to remind you every time?"

"I'll make it look like an accident, I promise!"

"No dice. Nick said he's onto us, Sarah," Natasha said as I came around the side of the couch.

"He doesn't have to spend time with that rat bastard," I fumed, pissed I had to go on this one with Brock Rumlow. The rest of Strike 2 I could handle, they knew I could beat the snot out of them because I had - more than once. "He's just lucky Steve hasn't heard what he says to us off coms yet."

Natasha gave me an evil grin. "I still have some of my old poisons – "

"Nat, I've told you before - NO POISONS!" Maria said, crossing her arms. "Remember what happened the last time you experimented with them?"

"Clint was fine after a couple of days," Nat said with a shrug. "No lasting side effects after the paralysis wore off."

"Nat, _why_ did you poison Clint?" I asked, staring at her in amazement. I hadn't heard this story before.

"He accidentally drank out of my glass when I was testing my resistance to one of my poisons. At least it wasn't one of the ones that are fatal to humans because I don't have the antidotes at the apartment."

"What did Dr Blake say?" I asked, knowing she'd probably gotten a lecture for that one, maybe even a disappointed look if it was that bad.

"Nat, let's get going. We still have things to do," Maria said, tugging Natasha to her feet as I laughed. Maria clearly didn't want Nat to continue this conversation with me because I might encourage her.

James stood up and nodded to Maria. "It was nice to meet you, Maria. Goodbye, Natalia."

Natasha gave James a peck on the lips. "See you tomorrow, James."

They headed for the door and I waved as they walked out, going to the kitchen to get a drink of water. I poured myself a glass from the tap and downed it, refilling my glass before going out to the living room and sitting down on the couch. I wanted to work on my design a little more while things were quiet.

 

*          *              *

James' POV

I looked over as Peggy sat down on the other end of the couch, setting her glass down on the coffee table with a click.

"Hi, James," Peggy said with a small smile, finally looking over at me. "Sorry I bolted earlier."

I didn't know what to say to that because I still didn't understand what was going through her head. "Why?" I asked quietly. "Why did you feel like you needed to get away from me?"

She reached up to let her long hair loose from her messy updo. "It's a little embarrassing, really. I'm not used to kissing anyone in front of my friends like that. I'm sorry if I upset you, I just needed a moment to catch my breath."

The short sleeves of her t-shirt rode up as she manipulated her hair, revealing dark marks on her upper arms. I reached over to touch her, pushing the sleeve closest to me up to see my fingerprints lividly marking her fair skin. She paused in her motions, looking down to see them as well. I felt my stomach churn and I forced down my nausea.

"I'm sorry. You should've told me I was hurting you, Peggy."

I dropped my hand from her arm, guilt gnawing at me for hurting her once again. She tied off her hair and dropped her arms, pushing up her other sleeve to see if there were marks there as well from my human hand; I glanced over to see that there were.

"I'm Sarah, James." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I told you to put me down and you did right away. I know you didn't _try_ to do this." She reached over and took my hand in hers, linking fingers with me. "This has nothing to do with me avoiding you."

"You're sure? Because that," I indicated her arms, "makes more sense to me than what you said earlier."

"Really sure. I may be inexperienced when it comes to relationships, but I'm not a liar."

"I believe you."

I kissed the inside of her wrist, holding her eyes with my own. She gently pulled her hand back, leaning over to pick up the thing she had showed me moving pictures on – I think she called it a tablet earlier – from the coffee table.

"You should go look at yourself in the mirror, James. Russian Red isn't really your color." I stared at her, confused. There was amusement in her eyes when she looked back up at me. "You have Nat's lipstick on your face and anywhere else her lips were. Go see for yourself." She looked back down at the thing in her hands, tapping at it with a pen.

"All right," I said as I stood up. "Will you show me how to use that?" I pointed at the rectangle she held and she nodded, looking up at me.

"It's a tablet; sure, I can show you how to run this one. I have several and they are all a little different, but this one is a good one to teach you on. Go get cleaned up, James." She looked back down, scribbling something on the screen.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. Looking at myself in the mirror, I understood what she meant. My lips and face were stained from Natalia's lip color, as was my neck. I sighed and grabbed a washcloth from the shower and put some soap on it, scrubbing away the red marks. I'd have to remember in the future that Natalia's lip color did not stay just on her lips. I enjoyed kissing Natalia, but she didn't make me feel the same way that Sarah did.

I needed to make more of an effort to remember that was her name. It hurt her when I couldn't remember that she wasn't Peggy; I'd seen that little flash of something in her eyes when I'd called her the wrong name a little bit ago.

When I was sure I had gotten all of the red off me, I went back into the living room to sit down next to Sarah, close enough that our legs were touching. My lips quirked as she tried to put a little space between us, but I was having none of that. I put my arm around her and leaned over to speak in her ear.

"So will you show me how to run this now?"

"Yeah. Let me save this and then I'll talk you through it." I watched as she tapped at the screen and then everything on it disappeared. " _This_ tablet is meant to take a beating. Tony got it for me after the last time Steve accidentally broke my previous one. You can still break it, but it takes quite a bit to do it. This is a touch screen, so your cybernetic hand probably won't be able to run it unless you use this stylus."

She handed me the pen and tablet, making me take my arm from around her to hold onto them. She shifted so she could point things out to me and we stayed that way for a long time as we went through several of the programs she had on the tablet until my stomach growled.

"Hmm. It's later than I thought it was. I'm going to set out the leftovers from lunch in the kitchen if you want to come decide what you want to eat, James."

"I'll help you," I said, closing the tablet cover and putting the stylus into its holder. "I need to learn these things." I stood up, pulling her to her feet and into my arms. "Thank you for teaching me how to use the tablet, Sarah."

"You're welcome, but we're not done yet," she said, looking up at me.

I leaned down to kiss her, and she allowed me to kiss her but wasn't responding. I pulled back and stroked her face lightly, holding her eyes with mine. "Did I do something wrong?"

"I just thought you were with Nat now, so you shouldn't kiss me," Sarah said. 

Ah, now I knew why. She didn't want to interfere with her friend's happiness, but she didn't know that we had never belonged to each other, not like Sarah belonged with me. "Natalia and I have never had a label for our relationship. What does that have to do with me kissing you?"

"Nothing, I guess." She shook her head, trying to put distance between us again. "Why do you kiss me, James? I'm not Peggy."

"No, you're not Peggy." I tried to put into words what I felt about her. "I kiss you because I need to, Sarah." I kissed her gently, running my hands down her back. "I need to touch you, to feel you in my arms, taste you on my lips." I kissed her again before saying quietly, "I need to know you're real and not just another dream."

"I'm not a dream, James."

I silenced her with a kiss and inwardly celebrated when she responded to me, kissing me back for a moment before pulling away. I put one hand under her chin to force her to meet my eyes.

"I'm still not convinced. I have a very vivid imagination when it comes to you. I dreamed of you often, even if I couldn't remember much about you. When I close my eyes, you're the only one I see, the one thing that won't change."

"James," she said quietly. "What do you want from me?"

"Everything. Just stop thinking and let yourself be with me." I kissed her again. "Stop fighting this, Sarah." I softly kissed her until she took over, deepening the kiss, and I knew she was mine, at least for now. I skimmed my hands over her, touching every inch of her. She inhaled deeply, pulling back from me slightly.

"Jace is coming this way."

"And?"

"And we should stop for now."

"For now," I agreed as I kissed her once more, not wanting to let her go yet. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight to me. "I know I have a time limit, Sarah. I want whatever time you'll give me."

The door opened then, and Jace walked in. He looked over at us, meeting my eyes with one eyebrow raised. Sarah turned her head to look at him and his eyes shifted to her.

"Hey. What did Kate know?"

"Not a lot. She's leaving again in the morning, so we're going to go get something to eat and maybe go to a movie. I just needed to grab my jacket before we left." He pulled it on, opening the door to leave.

"Okay. Have fun, then. See you later, Jace." He waved and shut the door, talking to someone in the hallway.

"What was that about?" I asked Sarah, letting go of her to follow her into the kitchen.

"He likes my neighbor across the hall. She likes him too, even if he is quite a bit younger than her." She started setting dishes out on the counter. "Get yourself a plate."

I grabbed two plates and came back over to her. "You're quite a bit younger than me."

"Yup. Ten years if we're going off how old you were when you died. 57 years if we're going off your real age. You're old enough to be my grandpa, you know that?" She grinned at me as she opened containers and peeled back plastic, putting spoons in each dish.

I winced. "Let's stick with me being 28, okay? That sounds better than 95."

She laughed and shook her head. "But you _are_ 95; you just age really well, James." I snorted and started putting food on my plate.

 


	13. Little Talks

James' POV

Sarah was sound asleep in my arms when Jace finally got back. He hung up his coat and locked the door, putting his keys in the bowl. He came over to the couch and sat down on the other end, looking at her for a long moment before finally speaking.

"Has she been asleep long?"

"Since halfway through the first movie. How was your date?"

He smiled slightly, shaking his head. "Not a date, I guess. She thinks I'm too young for her yet." I could hear the bitterness in his voice, thinking back to my earlier conversation with Sarah.

"How old is she?"

"24. I get it, though. She's been an agent for awhile and I'm still in training."

"How much longer will you be in training?"

"At least another year, maybe two if I go for specializations. It just depends on how well I do in my classes."

"Hmm." I looked over at him, knowing that he would probably answer if I asked. "What was it that you really wanted to tell me earlier tonight, before you left?"

"Just don't hurt her."

"I don't want to hurt her; I left her once - I'm not doing it again if I can help it."

"What if you _can't_ help it and they say those words to make you leave her - or worse, kill her? I know what can happen when someone is being controlled by another person, and it's never good."

"I've thought about that a lot, and I don't know the answer. Yes, they can make me do those things, but if I can resist those orders, I will. I'll do whatever it takes to get Hydra out of my head, because she's not safe until I do."

"You care for her that much?"

"Yeah, I do. If I tell her that she'll bolt again, won't she?"

"Probably. She cares for you, even if she thinks she shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't she?" I asked, storing that little confirmation away to think about later. He shook his head, not intending to answer. "Jace, I need to know why, even if I'm not going to like the answer." He shook his head again, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"Please," I asked quietly. "I won't be angry at you, I'm just trying to understand."

"Okay, but you aren't going to like the reason. She resists because she knows that two weeks aren't going to be enough for you. What are you going to do when her boyfriend gets back and you can see her, but can't touch her any more? Or kiss her? It's going to hurt you both when that happens, James; when she chooses him and not you."

"What if that doesn't happen? What if she chooses me?"   

"If you actually remember this conversation tomorrow, we'll talk more. I'm not going to get your hopes up right now." He stood up and stretched. "I'm going to go shower since this movie's almost over."

I nodded, understanding that he wanted the subject closed and knowing that my memory was still sketchy at best about a lot of things. I looked down at the sleeping woman in my arms and carried her to her bed, laying her down and pulling the covers over her. I wasn't ready to go to sleep yet, so I went back out into the living room and started another movie, one of the ones she said Jace enjoyed but she didn't care for. I looked up when Jace came back into the room in just his sleeping shorts.

"Sarah sleeping?"

"Yeah, she didn't even wake up when I put her in bed. I'm just not quite ready to sleep yet. Are you?"

"No, I like this movie. It's one of my favorites even if it is dumb."

We watched the movie together for a while until a strange noise caught my attention. I wasn't sure where it was coming from, but I thought it was the bedroom.

"Do you hear that?" I asked Jace. He paused the movie and we could both hear it, louder this time. He was moving before I even knew what I was hearing.

"Shit!" He muttered as he jumped over the back of the couch and ran for the bedroom, turning on the overhead light and rushing towards the bed. Sarah was moving around, still asleep, but breathing raspily – like she was running. "She's having a nightmare; I need to disarm her and wake her up." He swept his arm under the pillow, pulling out a pistol. He tossed it to me and I set it on the dresser behind me. He put his hand on her shoulder and shook her gently. "Sarah, wake up."

She jerked back from him before letting out a scream, taking a swing at him. "Let me go! Let me go! I won't let you have him." He blocked it and reached for her again, grabbing her hands to keep her from hitting him. "Sarah, it's me, Jace. Wake up. You're having a nightmare."

She opened her eyes, scrabbling back away from him, putting as much room between them as she could with him keeping ahold of her arms. She wasn't using her full strength, but Jace was having a hard time hanging on to her. He said the same couple phrases over and over until she stopped fighting to get away from him.

"Jace?" she finally whimpered, chest heaving as she finally came to herself.

"Yeah, it's me, pooka. I'm here."

Tears streamed down her face and she threw herself at him suddenly, trembling like a leaf. He caught her and pulled her into his lap. "I thought they'd taken you and I couldn't stop them." She tucked her head into the crook of his neck, fisting one hand in his hair, breaths coming in gasps.

"Shh, Sarah. I'm fine, I'm right here. You're safe, no one's after you, okay? It was just a bad dream. I'm so sorry, I thought you were going to be okay on your own." He kissed her temple and rubbed her back slowly. "Was it the same dream as before?"

 She nodded, taking a deep, slow breath, getting herself under control. She eased her hold on him and sat back, jumping visibly when she noticed me standing there. I felt a pang in my chest, thinking it was me that she was afraid of. I turned to walk away, not wanting to scare her further just then. 

"Don't go, Bucky," she said quietly, her eyes still a little wild as she focused them on me. "I just wasn't expecting to see you right then."

I nodded and stayed where I was. Jace turned on the lamp on her nightstand and stood up. "I'm going to get you a drink of water. James will stay with you, okay."

"Okay."

He walked past me, turning off the overhead light. I slowly moved closer to her, reading her body language. She pulled her knees up in front of her and wrapped her arms around them, resting her forehead on her knees.

"Are you all right?" I asked her, coming up to the bed.

"Just a bad dream. It's been a while since I've had one like that, I think."

"Are you afraid of me?" I blurted out before I thought it through, not sure I should have asked that.

"No, I'm not afraid of you, James." She lifted up her head to look at me, her wild hair hiding her from my sight. "I didn't hurt him, did I?"

"No, he took your gun before touching you and you weren't even using your strength. Do you get these often?"

"I don't know."

I reached out to touch her face, seeing her flinch at my sudden movement. "I'm not going to hurt you, Sarah." I tucked a loose curl behind her ear so I could see her face. Jace came back in with a glass of water and handed it to her. She drained the glass before handing it back to him.

"Thanks," she said quietly, meeting his gaze.

"You're welcome. Do you want to lay down or come out and watch TV with us for a bit?"

She shuddered. "I'll come watch TV. I don't think I'll be sleeping for a while yet."

I held out my hand and waited for her to take it before pulling her to her feet. We all walked back to the living room to settle on the couch. Sarah settled herself in Jace's arms, making herself into a little ball on his lap and wanting him for comfort. It hurt that she didn't want me to touch her, but this was something I didn't quite understand yet. Something had happened to her to cause such intense nightmares, and I knew I wasn't going to like the answer.

*        *

After a while, Jace murmured something in Sarah's ear and she nodded, sliding off his lap so he could stand up. He picked up his phone and walked into the kitchen, tapping at it. I handed her the blanket and she covered up, moving a little closer to me but not touching me.

"You can sit with me if you like," I offered. "I don't bite; at least I don't think I do." I moved my arm up so she could come closer.

She laughed a little, relaxing slightly. "You don't bite; I might, though."

"I already got my lecture for today, so I'm good." I kissed her forehead, leaning my head on hers.

"Who gave you a lecture?" she asked, leaning into me.

"Jace, of course," I said with a smile. "It was after you fell asleep and before I put you in bed."

"Oh. Was it a good one?" She yawned, covering her mouth.

"Not my favorite, but it needed to be said. He worries about you."

"Damn straight I do," Jace said, coming back into the living room and sitting down next to Sarah. "Makes up for all the times she mother hen's me."

Sarah snorted, reaching over to punch him in the arm. "I do not 'mother hen' you, Jace Barnes – Nat does."

"She's even worse than you, I swear. Who knew the Black Widow could be so terrifying when she's _NOT_ trying to kill you?" He raised his hands questioningly.

"I blame James for that," Sarah said.

"What did I do?" I asked in bewilderment. "I wasn't even here until a couple of days ago."

"Jace, I think you've reminded Nat of James from day one." She smiled softly, "I think that's why she's like that with you - and you're not scared of her."

"I'm terrified of her!" We laughed, knowing that couldn't be farther from the truth. "I realized that the moment I saw James and her together. My family's always told me I was the spitting image of you, James, and I've seen the pictures, so I could see the resemblance, but I didn't know how right they were until I saw you myself."

"Speaking of family," Sarah said, touching Jace's arm, "when should we take James to meet them?"

"Great- Aunt Rebecca should be first. How about this weekend? I can call her tomorrow and set it up, if you think that's a good idea."

"Saturday or Sunday, I have to go in to work Friday for a while." Sarah turned and looked at me. "James, what do you think? Do you want to see your sister and brothers again?" She asked, looking up at me.

"I don't remember them, Sarah. What if they don't want to see me?"

"They're going to want to. They said it a hundred times this spring when they met Steve, 'I wish that Bucky was here'." He grinned at me. "They'll be so happy you're alive that it won't matter to them that you don't remember them, James." Jace said. "Besides, they don't remember everything anymore either. They're old now, you do realize - they're all in their 80's and 90's."

I considered that for a little bit. It was still strange to me that I had family. I was so used to being alone and only thinking about myself that it was a new thing for me. "Are you sure they'll _want_ to see me?" I asked.

Jace nodded instantly. "Yes. They talk about you a lot, especially since they met Steve again a couple months ago. If he's alive, it's only fitting you're alive."

"All right," I said slowly. "I should meet them; maybe that will help."

Seeing Peggy had helped me start to remember things, so it was only logical that seeing the family I had left behind would help, too. That decided, we watched the rest of the movie, Jace laughing at my reactions to what was happening on screen. Sarah started nodding off after a while, and I looked down at her as the credits started to roll.

"Ready for bed, doll?"

"Hmm," she murmured, snuggling in to me. I looked over at Jace, who only shrugged. "As long as you're holding her, she should be fine. Usually once she falls fast asleep she is. She should've been fine earlier, too. I don't know why she had one tonight."

"I hope I don't have to see that again for a long time," I said as I picked her up and carried her to bed, shutting the door behind me. I laid her on the bed and crawled in next to her, putting her head on my shoulder and pulling her close to me. I still wasn't ready to sleep, but I knew Jace was tired and I was content to hold her, stroking her hair and face.

 

*              *                 *

Sarah's POV

I woke to see Natasha standing over us. "Morning, Nat." I said quietly as I yawned, working my way out of James' arms. "What time is it?"

"6:13. Clint's waking Jace up for a workout; figured you'd be ready for one too."

"Yeah, sure." I stretched lazily. "Downstairs?"

"Yup." I got out of bed, walking over to my dresser to find some workout clothes to change into, running capris and a tight tank-top. Nat gave me a once over as I stripped before pointing at my arms. "Are those from when he picked you up yesterday?"

I looked down at my arms to see I still had ugly bruises in the shape of James' hands on my biceps. "Yeah. He didn't realize how hard he was holding me; I bruised to the bone."

"They look like they hurt."

I pulled on my running capris. "They do a little bit, but they'll feel better once I get moving today." I gestured to the bed. "How the hell is James still sleeping? I thought he's supposed to be an assassin?"

"Darling, take it as a compliment. You wore him out." Natasha grinned at me before poking at James until he stirred.

I snorted, "That would have involved some effort on my part. We sleep together, Nat, nothing more."

I pulled on the tank-top and walked out into the living room, pulling my hair into a tight bun so it would stay out of my way. Clint and Jace were standing there talking quietly. I knew they both saw the marks, so I held my hands up to stop them from going after James.

"I'm fine, he didn't mean to do it. You were there Jace, you know James didn't _try_ to hurt me. It was an accident."

Jace nodded. "True, he didn't even realize he picked you up off the floor."

Clint gave me a look and I sighed. "We're still working on the whole acting like normal human thing, but he's doing better, mostly." I came up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for coming over, Clint. We thought it would be best if you sparred with Jace while he's here. I'm having a hard time maintaining normal human pace again."

"You've been spending too much time training with Nat and Cap. You think you're a superhero or something?" Clint said, teasing me.

I pretended to slug him. "Keep it up old man. I can still take you."

"I know you can, 'Ria," he said as he put his arm around me, kissing my temple.

"Since when did you get a new nickname, Sarah?" Jace asked, watching us interact and seeing more than he expected.

"Since I spent a week in Brazil with Clint pretending to be his Latina girlfriend. Nat picked me out a great wardrobe - which I got to keep," I said as I put on my shoes and grabbed a sweatshirt.

"Never know when you might need to reprise that role," Clint said, failing at keeping the grin off his face.   

"In your dreams, Clint." I laughed quietly and shook my head.

"Wait – what?" Jace said, eyeing me, his expression darkening as he put two and two together.

"I take it you didn't tell Jace about Brazil?" Clint said, raising an eyebrow at me.

I thought for a moment and then shook my head. "Nope – must have slipped my mind. Well, I'm just going to go down now," I said, turning to leave, hoping to avoid Jace's lecture.

"Not getting off that easy, pooka," Jace said, scowling as he grabbed me firmly by the arm, steering me towards the steps as Clint laughed. "Why didn't you tell me? That's kind of a big thing!"

We dashed down the stairs to the workout room before continuing the conversation. This early in the morning most of the other tenants weren't awake. I pushed my way into the room ahead of him and turning to face him, crossing my arms in front of me and confronting him, my temper simmering at his attitude.

"It kinda slipped my mind, believe it or not! We got back from _that_ mission to find out Steve wasn't expected to make it through the night. So everything else got pushed to the back of my mind because my focus was on Steve and doing whatever I could to make sure _he_ wasn't going to die - which included giving him my blood and sitting in on _five freaking_ _hours_ of surgery that he had to be awake for - so _excuse me_ if telling  you about my week as a pretend girlfriend to a great partner wasn't exactly what I was concerned about right then!" I took a deep breath, having said more than I originally intended to.

"Oh," was all Jace had to say in reply, his face telling me that he hadn't realized that was all going on at the same time.

"Yeah, _oh_." I took another deep breath and let it out slowly. "I love you, Jace - but there's a lot of things that I can't tell you anymore, at least not until you have high enough clearance levels. I have to follow protocol – you understand?"

"This being one of those things?"

"Yeah, level 6 or higher. So if you want to yell at me for doing my job, go right ahead! Get it off your chest and get back to being the Jace you normally are."

"Sorry, Sarah," he said quietly, dropping his gaze to the floor.

"Do you want to talk about what's really on your mind?"

"What makes you think I need to talk?"

"I know you almost as well as I know myself." I gave him a look and he sighed.

"Yeah, ok. I deserved that for acting like a jerk. Just tell me you aren't the reason Nat and Clint broke up. I've never seen you act like that with Clint before."

"I'm not the reason they broke up, not by a long shot," I said feeling my face get red. "I was still a virgin when I went on that mission with Clint, which made things quite interesting considering my cover was as his girlfriend. We're just really good friends who've seen each other naked."

Jace's jaw dropped and I laughed as he sputtered profanities. He eventually stopped cursing and must have decided he was done being angry with me because he pulled me into his arms, holding me tight. "So Steve really was your first?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't need to know, but in a way, I guess I did. I was concerned that James was pressuring you into doing something you weren't ready for, but you're an adult and it's really none of my business."

I really didn't want to have that discussion with him because that was exactly what had happened the other night, so I sidestepped it neatly. Jace was distracted enough I could get away with it. "I get it, Jace. You're my big brother, always looking out for me. But enough about me. I'm guessing this mood of yours has to do with Kate."

"Maybe a little bit. Nat - I understand where she's coming from; any relationship with her is only on her terms, and right now she's reconnecting with James."

"Yes, she is – it's been a good thing for both of them. Kate's a little harder, though."

 "She's ready for a real relationship, like you and Steve, and I've got a couple years yet before I could offer that to her. I know that people say that age doesn't matter, but that isn't really true. It just sucks, I guess. I really do like her a lot."

"So you're just going to stay friends for now?"

"Yeah, we said we will. I said I wasn't sure what we were all doing this week, but we're going to try to get together a couple more times before I have to go back."

"I hope it works out for you," I said, giving him a smile. "I hear Clint coming down the steps. Do you want me to stay while you spar?"

He shook his head. "No, it's all right. You can go do whatever you were planning on doing when I dragged you down stairs."

"Okay. I'm going to see if Nat wants to go for a run with me, then." I headed for the door. "Have fun with Clint."

"I will, bye," Jace said as he started to stretch out.

I met Clint on the stairs, pausing to speak to him. "We're all good again. Wear him out, okay?"

"Okay. Sorry I got you a lecture; I thought he knew about Brazil already."

"There was a little more to it than that. Buy me a couple bottles of alcohol – enough to get me and Nat drunk – and come play cards with us this afternoon after work and you're forgiven."

"Deal," he said with a grin. "Sounds like fun to me."

I laughed quietly and ran up the stairs to my apartment, letting myself back in. From the noises coming from my bedroom, Nat was occupied, so I found Jace's phone and my earbuds. There was no way on earth I was going into my room to get my own phone right now. I closed the door behind me and pulled up a playlist as I headed back down the stairs to the street. I ran for a long time, until I got a text from Natasha.

I turned around to run home, picking up the pace while the path was still pretty empty. I'd gone quite a ways while I'd been thinking, farther than I normally did. I could almost see Natasha laughing at my prudishness, but I didn't care. I knew Natasha still wanted James, and I had no intention of getting in her way. She deserved to see if there was still chemistry between them, and from what I'd seen of their interactions, there definitely was.

I reached my apartment building a half hour later, winded from the long run. I went straight downstairs; everyone was still down there - Clint and Jace were taking a break, watching Nat and James spar. I sat down near Clint to watch, observing how well they moved together, neither one truly having the upper hand at the moment. Natasha had gained years of experience while James had been frozen, and he was still working on regaining his abilities along with his memories.

"How long have they been at it?" I asked Clint quietly, as he observed the fight, doing a couple static stretches while I watched.

"15 minutes so far. Where'd you go - I thought you and Nat were supposed to spar?"

"I went for a quick run since they weren't ready yet." Clint gave me a measuring look and I shook my head. "Not my place to talk about it, you can ask Nat."

"I don't need to ask her, I already know. You're okay with it?"

"Yup." I turned my attention to the fight, taking off my sweatshirt as I felt overly warm now that I wasn't moving and stretching as I cooled down.

A while later, the fight finally ended with James winning, Nat conceding when he got her on her back with his cybernetic hand on her throat.

"You have improved much, Natalia," he said as he pulled her to her feet.

"It's been a long time since we last sparred James. I've learned a lot since then, especially since I have partners that can give me a run for my money." She grinned at me. "Your turn, Sarah. Let's see how you do against James at hand to hand."

I kicked my shoes off and pulled off my socks before hopping up. "Sure. Looks like you warmed him up for me."

Natasha laughed as she came off the floor to come sit between Clint and Jace. "If that's what you want to call it, yeah, he's ready for you."

"Any particular style today, James?"

"Freestyle. You're warmed up?"

"Yup, went for a run and stretched. No holding back, all right?"

"The same goes for you, then."

I nodded and shifted into my stance, eyes on him. "Ready."

"Begin," said Jace after a couple seconds.

We flew into action, and for the first time outside of the holo-trainer I had a real challenge on my hands. James was an excellent partner after his initial surprise at my attack style. I have no idea how long we went for before I finally got an opening and went for it. He was faster than I anticipated, though, and he didn't go down all the way, only pushing me harder.

Our breathing became labored as we both fought for the upper hand and a slip on my part gave James an opening. He connected solidly with my torso, kicking me back into the cement wall and knocking the breath out of me. I kept my feet as I fought for breath, intending to keep fighting, but James had stopped moving, looking at me in concern. The others had stood up at the loud impact, coming towards us.

"Are you all right, Peggy?" James asked, coming over to me. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to kick you that hard."

He moved to touch me but dropped his hand at the last second as I leaned forward, putting my hands on my thighs, pain radiating out from my diaphragm where he'd made contact and over my back, which ached from the impact.

"Sarah...James," I gasped out, dropping to my knees. Every breath hurt, but the pain was leveling out. "Yeah...just...need...a moment."

"Holy shit," I heard Jace say as he came over to me. "You cracked the concrete, Sarah!"

I could finally breathe again, so I stood up and looked back to see where I had hit. Sure enough, there was a slight divot where my shoulders had hit. "Huh. Haven't done _that_ in a while."

"Are you all right, Sarah?" Clint asked. "Did you break anything?"

I stood up straight and stretched, feeling everything moving normally. "Nope, nothing broken, I don't think." I smiled up at James. "That was great – can we go again?"

Natasha laughed at James' expression and he shook his head. "Another day, doll. I think you should take a break."

"I think you should call it a day," Jace said. "You're starting to bruise." He turned me so I could see my back in the mirror. Sure enough, an ugly dark bruise was spreading over my shoulders.

I sighed. "I need to start tanning again. Then they wouldn't be so obvious."

Natasha grinned, "Don't think even a tan would help with this one, Sarah. At least it'll be gone in a day or two."

"I'm going to guess two. Good thing it's fall; Papi won't wonder if I wear a turtleneck sweater. James, do you want to come to movie night at my other dad's tonight? Jace, you can come, too."

Jace nodded. "Wouldn't miss it. I haven't seen Tony in a while."

"If you want me to, then sure," James said. "What does movie night involve?"

"Dinner with the team and a movie. We do it every Thursday when Tony is in DC."

"We'll both be there, James," Natasha said, "along with Maria and a couple others you need to meet. We need to go to work now, but we'll see you tonight."

"Clint, fill Nat in on the plan for the afternoon," I said as they walked to the door.

"Will do. Come on, Nat. We're going to be late for briefing if we don't get going. Bye."

"Bye," I said, waving as they left. I walked over to get my shoes, socks and sweatshirt. "I call dibs on the shower!" I said as we headed for the stairs.

"I'll go use Steve's then," Jace said as he followed behind. "Put on your sweatshirt before people think Steve beats you."

"Fine. If I die of heatstroke it's all your fault."

I pulled on the sweatshirt, waving my hand in front of my face as I started for the stairs. James was putting his zipper hoodie on as well to cover up his arm but leaving it open. His shirt was stuck to him, he was sweating so much.

"Morning, Kate," I said as we reached my floor and the blond was just leaving her apartment, locking her door behind her.

"Morning, Sarah. Looks like you had a good workout."

"Sure did – Jace looks worse." I said with a laugh as I saw him come up the stairs.

"I look like I already took a shower," he said with a grin, winking at Kate. "Not all of us can glisten, some of us have to sweat." Kate laughed, smiling back at him as her eyes roamed over him. He looked good in the old cut-off t-shirt and shorts he was wearing, his shirt stuck to him by sweat and displaying his muscles.

"Who's this with you?" Kate asked, having noticed James coming up to stand behind me. She gave him a quick once over, eyes widening as she liked what she saw - an older, more muscular version of Jace - before looking back at me.

"This is Jace's cousin, James, and he's staying with me for a while." I let her draw her own conclusions, hoping Kate would assume that James was with Shield. "James, this is my neighbor, Kate."

James held out a hand to her almost reluctantly. "Nice to meet you, Kate. Jace has told me a lot about you."

That explained his cool attitude towards her - Jace had told him more than he'd told me, which made sense considering the subject. Kate shook his hand briefly, smiling.

"Nice to meet you, James. See you later - I'd better get going if I'm going to get to work on time."

"Bye Kate," I said as I unlocked my door and walking in to my apartment and closing the door behind the guys. I tossed my keys into the bowl and promptly pulled the sweatshirt off. "Good call on the sweatshirt, Jace. It was worth the heatstroke to not have to explain things to Kate."

 

*              *                   *

James' POV

"So that was the Kate you mentioned?" I asked Jace as Sarah walked into the bathroom to get cleaned up. "The one who only wants to be friends?"

"Yeah. What did you think of her?" Jace asked as he grabbed his bag and set it on the couch.

"She's not as beautiful as Sarah or Natalia, but she is quite pretty," I said honestly. "I have no interest in her, though. She's friends with Sarah?"

"Yes, they go running together sometimes or hang out together on weekends when Steve's gone." He walked into the bedroom and came out with a basket, piling dirty clothes into it. "I need to run a load of laundry if we're going to Tony's tonight," he explained. "I didn't pack much since I knew I had access to a washing machine."

"Oh. She seems nice enough," I said, watching him as he worked. "Is that why you like her?"

"She _is_ nice and we can talk for hours about anything. We just clicked, that first time we met." I didn't know what to say to that, but he didn't seem to need a reply. He picked up the basket and bag, heading for the door. "I'll be back in a bit, James," he said as he closed the door behind him.

I decided to join Sarah in the shower, so I walked to the bathroom and went in, stripping before stepping into the shower. Sarah spun and jumped as I opened the curtain, one hand going to her heart in surprise, her hair full of bubbles.

"You scared me, James! I didn't hear you come in the room - and why are you in the shower with me?"

"Sorry," I said, smiling at her. "I wanted to make sure you were all right since I managed to hurt you again." She gave me a look that I couldn't decipher before backing up to rinse the soap out of her hair. "What does that look mean?"

"It means, I don't know what to expect from you, James." She put her head under the water, closing her eyes as her long hair flowed down her, hiding her from my sight. "You shouldn't be in here with me, you know that?"

"No. Why not?"

I brushed her hair back out of her face, waiting for her to continue. She only sighed and grasped my arms, pivoting us so that I was under the water.

"Wet your hair and I'll scrub it for you," she ordered. I ducked my head under the water, wetting it down. She massaged my head with her fingernails, scraping them lightly over my scalp. I closed my eyes, enjoying the unfamiliar sensation. It was a nice feeling, having someone care for you; I didn't know that I'd ever felt this before. "Rinse," she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. "It feels good, doesn't it."

"Mmmhh," I murmured as her hands played with my hair under the water. I reached for her, intending to pull her close, only to hear her make a tiny noise of pain. My eyes snapped open and I looked down at her. "What's wrong?"

"I think I must have a bruise there," she said as she moved her wet hair to try and see her back. "I can't see there, though." She turned so I could see and my stomach churned. Her whole back was one huge black bruise.

"I'm so sorry, doll!"

"How bad is it?" she asked as she looked at me over her shoulder.

"Really bad - your whole back is black now, doll. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. First your arms and now this – "

"Shh, James," she said, laying a finger on my lips. "It'll be gone in two days, tops. Okay?" She caught my hands in hers, squeezing them lightly. "I'll be fine and I know you weren't trying to hurt me, we were just sparring and I lost this time, okay?"

I took a deep breath, intending to argue with her, but she raised herself up on her toes to kiss me, and I forgot what I was going to say. I dropped my hands to my side, not wanting to touch her in case I hurt her again.

I kissed her back, tangling my tongue with hers as she lowered herself back down from her toes, my body responding to her instantly. She broke off the kiss then and abruptly got out of the shower, leaving me there, breathing hard and wanting her. I scrubbed my body with the soap I was supposed to use before rinsing off a final time and climbing out.

 


	14. Time's Up

James POV

After a couple hours of down time, Natalia and Clint showed up with cards and alcohol. Sarah greeted them warmly and we pushed back the couch to sit on the floor around the coffee table and play poker. Natasha had tried to get us to play strip poker, but Sarah balked.

"I don't want to see Jace naked, Nat. I know how he plays!" Sarah protested.

"I don't want to see Sarah naked, either," Jace said, turning red. "Or James, because that's just a little too weird since he's my great-uncle."

"Fine," Natalia said, smirking at us. "Then we drink each round."

"I'm good with that. Deal me in, Clint." I said, pouring myself a glass of vodka. It took a lot for me to get drunk, but it was possible.

"Wait, we all can't drink if we still have to go to Tony's tonight," Jace protested. "Someone's going to have to stay sober to drive."

"Got it covered," Sarah said, draining her glass already. "Happy's coming for us at 6:30. He always says he's got nothing to do, so I called and asked him if he'd pick us all up here, so drink away fishes!"

"First one to pass out is a pussy," Natalia added. "Clint, I bet you ten bucks it's you."

"Ha, I bet you ten bucks it's Jace," Clint replied, smirking.

"You're on!" Natalia said as we laughed. "Everyone needs to finish their bottle before Happy gets here."

"Nat, I bet I can finish my bottle before you!" Sarah said, pouring herself another glass.

"If it was rum, I'd agree with you, but you've got vodka tonight, so I'll take that bet. Twenty?"

"Fifty. Make it worth my while!" she laughed as Natalia nodded, clinking glasses with her.

I learned a lot as I listened to them all chattering, just soaking in their friendship dynamics. Clint was quite funny; I decided that I liked him. He told a lot of hilarious stories about things that had went wrong on missions, which Natalia and Sarah expanded on, depending on who had been with him at the time. Jace was more talkative than I thought possible, and I heard a lot of crazy stories about things he and Sarah had done, starting with a longer version of how they'd first met, which he and Sarah took turns telling, finishing each others sentences.

Time flew by and then we were pulling on jackets since our ride was there. Sarah laughed as Jace and Clint stumbled down the stairs, seemingly unaffected by the large amount of alcohol she'd consumed. She and Nat both caught them both at least once before they face planted, putting them back on their feet with ease.

I smiled as Sarah hugged the limo driver, chatting with him briefly before climbing in and taking a seat between me and Jace. She took something out of her pocket and injected it into Jace's neck. He didn't protest since he was almost ready to pass out. I watched in amazement as he perked right up before my eyes.

"Gah, you gave me that shot, didn't you?" he groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'm sober again!"

"Yup. Can't have you passing out on me already. We haven't even had dinner yet. Clint, do you want me to do you, too?"

Clint cracked open his eyes and smiled. "Yeah, we've got a mission tomorrow. Can't be hung over."

She knelt between his legs and took another syringe out of her pocket, injecting it into his neck like she had with Jace. "There – it should kick in shortly. You should know not to drink that much, you know you can't outdrink Nat, Clint."

"Thanks, 'Ria," Clint said as he sat up and stretched. "I do know; I just hate to see Nat win."

"You both were almost passed out, it's a draw." She moved back from him, satisfied he was feeling okay.

"Why does Clint call you 'Ria?" I asked when she came to sit back next to me. "And what was in that?"

"It's a formula I came up with to reverse the affects of alcohol and some drugs. It's still in the test phase, so while I've used it on Jace and Clint before when they've needed to be sober quickly, it's not available to the general public yet. As for 'Ria, its a shortened form of Maria, one of the names I used on a mission with him a while back. It stuck with him for some reason."

I determined that this was mostly true, but she was leaving something out. "You're not telling the whole truth about the nickname," I said, staring at her with interest.

She raised her eyebrows at me. "How did you know? Do you read minds?"

"No," I grinned. "Can you?"

"No, but I wish I could, sometimes," she replied with a smile. "That was close enough to the truth for now." She gestured towards Jace, who was currently talking to Natalia. "He doesn't need to hear anymore about _that_ mission," she said, lowering her voice so only I could hear her before she turned to Natalia and chattered at her for a while, until we came to a stop outside a large house – a mansion, I determined.

I whistled. "Fancy place here. Who owns it?"

"Tony Stark," Clint said. "Haven't you heard of him?"

"I've heard of him, I think," I said slowly. "The name sounds familiar."

"You knew his father, Howard Stark, back during the war," Sarah said, looking up at me. "He was an inventor and made a lot of things for you and the Commandos during the war."

I vaguely remembered a man I used to watch make incredible things. "Howard had a kid?"

"Yeah, he married a woman named Maria and they had one son, Anthony Stark. He goes by Tony." Sarah paused, then continued. "Tony is my biological dad, James."

"If he has all this, why didn't he raise you himself?"

"Long story," she sighed. "I'll tell you later since we need to go in now. He's waiting for us."

I followed her out of the limo, nodding at the driver who was standing by the door. She took my hand and led me into the huge house. We took off our coats and hung them up in a little room by the front door. The others headed off without us and I gave Sarah a look.

"Where'd they go?"

"They're going to distract Tony while I introduce you to Jarvis." She smiled widely, gesturing at the empty room. "Hello, Jarvis. This is Sargent James Barnes, also known as Bucky. He prefers to be called James. Say your full name, James."

"Sargeant James Buchanan Barnes."

_A pleasure to meet you, Sargeant Barnes._

"Who's speaking?" I looked around to see where the voice was coming from, but didn't see anyone.

"Jarvis is part of the house. He doesn't have a body. J - seriously, call him James."

_As you wish, Sarah._

"J - you know who he is, right?"

 _I am aware of the peculiar circumstances regarding Sargeant Barnes' recent recovery, yes_.

"Implementing override protocol Beta. Under no circumstances are Tony, Pepper, Happy or you allowed to inform Captain Rogers of Sargeant James 'Bucky' Barnes' return from the dead either by verbal, written means or any other form of communication, including video. This is to be a good surprise for Captain Rogers, Jarvis."

_Override protocol Beta in force. Orders confirmed. Secondary expiration?_

"October 31st, 0800. Thanks, J."

"You're welcome, Sarah."

"What was that all about?"

"Tony isn't very good at keeping secrets from Steve, so I built an override protocol into Jarvis so that I can keep Tony from spilling the beans."

"Because that would be bad?"

"Yes, it would be. Steve doesn't know you're alive, James, and I'm not sure how he's going to take this. Let's go join the others, okay?"

"Nice to meet you, Jarvis – even if I can't see you."

 _The pleasure is all mine, James_.

I shook my head to myself. "Talking houses; who'd have thought there'd be talking houses in the future. Or people flying with wings like birds."

"Wait until you meet Thor. He uses a hammer to fly," Sarah said with a grin when I gave her an incredulous look. "Really, he does!"

"You're not pulling my leg, doll?"

"Not about this." Sarah took my hand and led me into a large kitchen where other people had gathered. She pulled me over to a brown haired man with a goatee and a pretty strawberry blond.

"James, I'd like you to meet Tony Stark, my Papi, and his girlfriend, Pepper Potts. Tony, Pepper, this is James Barnes, also known as Bucky."

Tony's jaw dropped slightly before he stared at Sarah. Pepper brought a hand up to her face, her eyes shining suspiciously. I held out my hand to Pepper first, and she took it, smiling when I brought her fingers to my lips for a kiss.

"A pleasure to meet you, Miss Potts."

"Please, James, call me Pepper. I've heard a lot about you – I can't believe you're really here!"

I raised my eyebrow at Sarah, who shook her head and laughed. "It wasn't from me, I swear!"

I let go of Pepper's hand and held my hand out to Tony. "Mr Stark."

Tony gripped it firmly, having recovered himself. "Bucky Barnes. Capsicle's going to be beside himself. Does he know?"

"No," Sarah said, giving him a look. "And you're not going to tell him. Try it and Jarvis will shut you down, including rerouting your armor away from Steve's location until I deactivate the override."

"Damn, kitten. You think you outsmarted your old man?"

"Papi! Admit I know how you think. I am your daughter, after all. Besides, I need your help with a design. James, will you please show Tony your left hand."

I took my hand out of my pocket and held it out to the older man, palm up. Tony looked at it for a second before turning to Sarah and pulling her into a quick hug. She didn't make a peep when he squeezed her bruised back, though. I stared at her in confusion for a moment as Tony grabbed my cybernetic hand and turned it back and forth, muttering under his breath before firing questions at me at a rapid pace. Still gripping my hand, he led me through his house until we got to where he wanted to be. I looked over at Sarah in alarm, but she only smiled and shook her head.

"This is Tony's lab. Can you take off your shirt, James? It's best if he can see the whole thing first before I show him my designs."

I nodded and pulled my shirt off, setting it on a nearby table as I looked around at all the strange things I saw there, including metal men, and machines working without anyone running them.

"Jarvis, scan him," Tony ordered, looking me over closely before he walked around me to a computer.

_Already done, sir. Schematics should be available now._

"J – upload my specs for camouflage from my folder," Sarah ordered, looking over Tony's shoulder at a computer screen. "Use the ones with today's date on them, please."

My jaw dropped as the plans Sarah had showed me earlier today popped up on a holographic screen, rendered in 3-D.

"Papi – will you take a look at this for me? I've worked out how to integrate the stealth tech for the Quinjet with a simulacrum to project a skin over the metal. I'm just not sure _where_ I can fit the chip in. it looks like all of his circuits are at full capacity and who knows how old his wiring is."

They lost me after that, the science talk going right over my head. I wouldn't have thought they even remembered I was there in the flesh if it weren't for Tony's continual prodding at me until Pepper's voice came on over the intercom.

"Supper is ready, people. Tony, if you three aren't in the kitchen in 5 minutes, I'm having Jarvis shut down your lab."

Sarah shared a look with Tony before smiling up at me sheepishly and handing me my shirt. "Sorry James; we sometimes get a little carried away. Are you ready to eat?"

 

*         *

"Hey, I'm home, guys!" Sarah said wearily as she came in the door. "What did you guys do today?"

I watched as she dropped her keys on the little table by the door and leaned tiredly back on the door to close it. Jace stood up, alerted by something I hadn't caught.

"You look like shit, Sarah." Jace said as he walked over to her. "Where were you shot at?"

I raised my eyebrows and stared at her, realizing he was right. I studied her closer, noting how she was favoring her right leg and kept her arm held close to her side. If she'd been shot it couldn't have been that bad for her to be walking already.

"Thank you for the lovely compliment, Jace; you sure know how to turn a girls head." The level of sarcasm in that statement didn't faze Jace, who kept his eyes on hers. Sarah sighed. "What gave me away?"

"Several things, but you didn't put your keys in the bowl. You only get sloppy with the little things when you've been injured or are exhausted."

It was a small detail that only someone who knew her very well would know, and I tucked that nugget away to remember later. Given her line of work, there would be another time when knowing that might come in handy.

Jace crossed his arms as he confronted her, not satisfied with what he saw. "Did you get it treated?"

She looked away, finally giving in to his demand for information. "Dr Blake already gave me my lecture, thank you very much. I took two to the leg and broke my left arm."

She shrugged out of her jacket, wincing when she twisted her arm wrong. Jace helped her get it off and hung it up. She limped over to the couch and slumped down next to me, exhaustion radiating from her.

I looked at her in concern, never having seen her like this before. She was always so animated - so vibrant - that seeing her so drained worried me. "What happened?" I asked quietly, taking her hand in mine.

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "My dumbass teammate decided to be a macho fucking idiot and not follow the plan. I got us all out in one piece, no thanks to him! Nat said to tell you she'll be by in the morning."

"Did Natalia get injured, too?"

"Don't think so, but I haven't seen her since this morning; we weren't together today, Jace."

He gave me a look, but didn't say anything more about it, having gauged her mood.

"Did you eat yet?" he asked.

"I'm not hungry; I just want a shower and sleep."

"Pizza will be here any time now."

"Hmm."

I looked at Jace, who shook his head and walked into the kitchen, tapping at his phone. I assumed he was messaging Natalia, but I took advantage of his absence to reach over and stroke Sarah's face. She leaned into the caress and smiled. "How are you, James?"

"Amused," I replied, smiling at their interactions.

She cracked open her eyes finally. "You're welcome? I should go get cleaned up. Tell Oscar the Grouch I'll talk to him when I get out of the shower." She closed her eyes again and sighed, clearly not motivated enough to get back up again.

"Who's Oscar the Grouch?"

She smiled wryly. "I'll put it on the list, okay?"

I leaned over and covered her lips with mine in response, needing to be sure she was really okay. She didn't fight me, just going along with it, which told me how tired she really was since she still didn't like to kiss me in front of Jace. We'd talked about that today while she was gone and he'd told me today he didn't think we should be involved, at least not until my memory returned some more.

A noise from the kitchen forced us back to reality, and she put her hand on my chest and lightly pushed at me. "James -"

I stroked her face lightly, giving her another kiss. "I needed to do that, Sarah. I was worried about you today."

"You don't need to worry about me, James. I heal fast."

"Not helping your case. Go get cleaned up, Sarah. Pizza will be here soon, whatever that is."

"You're going to love it. Russians aren't big on pizza, huh?"

I snorted, knowing she was just teasing me. I stood up and pulled her to her feet, seeing her wince as she put weight on her injured leg. She limped to the bathroom and shut the door. Jace came back into the living room when he heard the water start.

I turned to him when he plopped on the other end of the couch. "Does this happen often, her getting injured?"

"Not usually. You took it better than I thought you would considering how you reacted the last time."

"The last time was my fault. Injuries were just part of the job for me. You've seen my body."

He nodded. "Yeah, I have. I don't know how you're still alive, James."

"I heal very fast, and I'm extremely good at what I did. There's a reason I'm called the Winter Soldier. I'd get the job done, no matter what the cost was to me."

"Why did you come here?"

"For her."

"You know she's not Peggy, right?"

"Most of the time I do. They're very alike in a lot of ways, not just looks. Expressions, mannerisms, stance, even how they throw a basic punch."

"Did you love Peggy before or after Steve did?"

I thought about that for a minute or two. "After," I decided. "He met her first but never asked her out."

"Do you think he was waiting for the war to be over?"

"Maybe. I don't remember."

There was a knock at the door and Jace got up to pay for the food. I saw him check the peephole first, his hand on his concealed pistol, before opening the door. He traded cash for boxes and shut the door before coming over to set them on the coffee table.

"Sarah, pizza's here!" he shouted through the bathroom door.

"I'll be out in a few," she replied.

"I'm timing you," Jace said as he walked back into the kitchen for plates.

 

*             *               *

Two weeks later  
Sarah's POV

I zipped around, tidying up the living room while I waited impatiently for Steve to get home. He'd texted that he was on his way back to DC but they wouldn't land until after midnight. James noticed how keyed up I was, but other than a questioning look, he didn't ask. Over the past two weeks that he'd stayed with me, we'd reached a comfortable arrangement.

"Do you want to go work out downstairs?" James finally asked. "You haven't sat still since that last message."

"Sorry. I'm just being a teenager; I get excited for little things." I smiled apologetically. "You don't have to come down with me if you don't want to, but I need to do _something_ to wear myself out."

He watched as  and grabbing a few things. "Will you dance for me?" He asked hesitantly. "I never did get to see your performance in Kiev."

I raised my eyebrows, having forgotten all about that. "Sure - I can do some of the ones from the show. Let me change and grab my slippers and we can go downstairs."

I went into my room and shut the door, changing into my leotard and tights. I grabbed my ballet slippers and came back out. James was standing by the door, so I grabbed my phone and slipped on a pair of flats to wear down the stairs.

*  *

I'd missed the rigors of ballet, I decided as I lost myself in the music and motions. I only had three songs from the Kiev show on my phone, so I gave them everything, holding my final position until the music ended. I looked over at James to see him clapping with a wide grin on his face.

"That was beautiful, Sarah! I wish I could have seen you perform the whole show. You are as talented as Natalia," he said as he started to approach me.

"Thanks, James. I have a ways to go before I am as good as she is." I was ready to go back upstairs when I noticed he had frozen in place, an inscrutable expression on his face. "What's wrong?"

"I _know_ this song," James murmured, and I realized the music had changed to a slow big band song that Steve liked; I'd downloaded a bunch of Steve's favorites to acquire an appreciation for his kind of music. I didn't mind it, but it wasn't my favorite.

"It's from the 40's, so you probably do."

 

 *          *           *

James' POV

"May I have this dance?" I bowed to her, holding out one hand. She put her hand on my arm and I gave her a crooked smile, the one she liked most.

"Of course."

She stepped in front of me, putting one hand on my shoulder while I took her other hand in mine. She moved easily with me to the rhythm of the slow waltz, following my lead. I smiled down at her, absorbing her happiness. This was the last day I would have her all to myself; I knew my time with her like this was almost up.

"What are you thinking?" Sarah asked me quietly, her golden brown eyes searching my face intently.

"I don't want things to change between us," I said, knowing that wasn't a realistic desire.

Her face softened, and I knew she understood what I was saying. She licked her lips before speaking. "I can't promise that they won't, but I'll always be your friend, James."

"I know, Sarah," I said, deciding that I needed to say the words to her. "I want you to be more than that, though." I didn't think she would allow that, but I had to give it a shot.

She sucked in a quick breath, shaking her head in denial. "James, we've been through this-"

I cut her off. "I know that you're not Peggy, Sarah." I twirled her before pulling her back to me, not caring that I was holding her closer than was actually proper. "I'm grateful you gave me the chance to get to know you and learn what you mean to me."

"I've enjoyed getting to know you as well, James. I'm glad that your memories have started to return and stay all of the time instead of just coming and going. You've made a lot of progress in the past two weeks."

I kissed her cheek. "Thank you; I wouldn't be where I am now without you... I just wish we had more time together."

"This isn't goodbye, James," she said quietly as I reached out a hand to stroke her face.

"Isn't it, in a way?" I said, smiling even though my heart hurt. "I know that my time with you is coming to an end and I'll have to watch you walk away from me." My eyes held hers as I swallowed hard, seeing her face fall somewhat.

"I need to know, James. Was this worth it?"

"Yes," I replied without a moment's hesitation. "I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat – every touch," I cupped her face, kissing her softly. "Every kiss; it was all worth it. Because of you, Sarah Evans, for the first time in almost 70 years, _I'm home_."

Time stood still as I pulled her tight, covering her lips with my own as we came to a halt, the dance forgotten. I savored this kiss, not because it would be the last, but because of how she made me feel, like I was important to her.

"I can never thank you enough for finding me."

She blinked rapidly for a moment, holding back tears I didn't want to see fall because it hurt me to see her crying. "I don't need your thanks, James; I just need to see you living your life as a free man. We'll have the rest of our lives to be friends and hang out together, after all." 

"Stay with me, Sarah. I need you," I said as I raised my metal hand to her face, stroking it with my fingers.

"You never really needed me, James. I just happened to jog your memory at the right time."

She stepped back from me abruptly, grabbing her shoes and phone and stepping quickly around me when I moved to stop her.

I stood there for a long moment in the silence she'd left in her wake, before slowly walking up the stairs to the apartment. I could hear the shower running when I opened the door and I hoped Sarah was all right.

If I was being honest with myself, I loved her - and I was almost certain she returned the feeling.

I slumped onto the couch to wait for her to finish her shower, losing myself in thought in the meantime.

"Hey," she said in a quiet voice, sitting down on the other end of the couch - as far from me as possible. "I'm, um, sorry I ran off earlier. I just...panicked... I guess."

"Understandable," I said, giving her a small smile. "I came on kind of strong there, didn't I?"

"A little," she agreed, her grin letting me know she wasn't going to hold it against me. "Want to watch a movie until Steve gets home?"

"Sure. I started my own list when Jace was here; he told me I'd seen enough chick flicks already."

"Sounds like something he'd say. Do you want popcorn?"

"I'd love some."

"What're we watching tonight?" she asked when she came back in with the popcorn bowl, hitting the lights as she made her way to the couch. She handed me the bowl so she could get settled under the blanket, scooting over next to me so she could reach the popcorn.

" _Battleship,_ " I said. "It sounded interesting."

"Oh. It's based off an old strategy board game. You each get like 5 ships and have to place them on a grid and take turns guessing plot points until you sink your opponent's ship. But how are they going to work that into a movie?"

"Don't know, doll. Guess you'll have to stay awake to find out."

"I'm doing better," she said, giving me a look. "I was awake for most of the last one and that was a horrible movie-"

"It was not! Now, shh. Show's starting."

She threw a piece of popcorn at me and I turned to catch it in my mouth.

*               *               

I knew when Sarah fell asleep. She'd leaned her head on my shoulder not long before her eyes closed. I waited until she was fast asleep and breathing deeply before I shifted us so that I was laying down and she was stretched out on top of me. She never woke up when I did this, only settled into my chest with a smile. I ran my hands over her hair and down her back, marveling as always, at the softness of her hair and skin. I could smell her shampoo and a hint of her perfume.

I knew that this was probably the last time I would be able to hold her like this, so I soaked in the feel of her, memorizing every minute detail I could, from the length of her dark lashes to the glossy auburn color of her curly hair. I treasured her small, content smile, knowing our time together was running out. I had tried to tell her how I felt about her earlier, but she'd been skittish, avoiding the subject. 

I know it was at least an hour later, but it seemed like only minutes had passed when she started to stir, eyes fluttering as she woke up. I looked down at her, smiling as I stroked her hair.

"You missed the good part, doll."

"Guess I'll just have to watch it again another day." She went to push herself off me, but I shook my head, not letting go of her.

"Just let me hold you for a little while longer, Sarah. Please?"

I ran my metal hand lightly over Sarah's face and she closed her eyes, letting me trace her features. She skimmed her fingers over my cybernetic arm, tracing the lines of the reticulations and the outline of the red star on my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and smiled as her hand skimmed down my biceps, along my forearm until her small hand covered my own. She lifted my palm from her face and kissed it before intertwining her fingers with mine. I felt her glance up at me when her phone buzzed on the table. She picked up the phone and read the message before setting it back on the table.

"Time's up?" I asked, my throat tightening.

"Something like that," Sarah agreed. "He'll be here in 10 minutes or so."

I let her crawl off me and moments later the lights were back on. She went into the kitchen and I heard her filling a glass with water. I stretched out on the small couch, one leg on the ground, the other hanging off the end. She leaned on the doorway, just looking at me for a long moment, sipping her water.

"What are you thinking?"

I was always curious about what was going through her head. I sat up to make room for her on the couch. She looked like she was considering what she was willing to tell me. She was always honest with me, but I knew she edited what she told me at times.

She exhaled loudly and took a deep breath before answering. "A lot of things. I'm hoping that this time you'll remember Steve when you wake up in the morning. I'm hoping that things between you two are like they used to be. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose Jace. My heart hurts just thinking about it. Honestly, it would be easier to die myself than to deal with that kind of pain."

"He's a good kid," I stated. "I'm proud to claim him as family."

I really was. Jace reminded me of myself at that age, confident and ready to take on the world. His and Sarah's relationship was still strange for me to see and it wasn't just because he looked more like me than I did. They genuinely cared for each other in a platonic way I hadn't thought was possible between a man and woman that weren't related. Around him she was a different person, softer - more playful. 

She smiled fondly. "I'm glad you two hit it off, even if it was a little weird to see you both together at first." Her smile faded. "But seriously, I've watched Steve mourn you, James. It may have been almost 70 years ago, but to him, it was like it happened just a couple months ago. Seeing you alive is going to be a bit of a shock, and I'm really concerned about what this will do to him." She walked over to the couch and sat down, turning to face me, worry in the frown lines between her eyes. "I'm also worried about how this will affect you, James. I'm afraid that it could be too much for you, too."

"It's just a chance I'm going to have to take," I sighed. "I _want_ to remember, but at the same time I'm scared of _what_ I might remember." I reached over and took her hand, needing to touch her, to ground myself.

"Hopefully it's only the good stuff," she smiled, squeezing my hand.

"Will you stay?" I felt the panic starting to rise in me at the thought of meeting someone that was supposed to be important to me but I had no memories of whatsoever.

She looked up at me, searching my face. "If you want me to, I will." She brought a hand up to my face. "You can do this, James. I know you really don't remember, but he's missed you so much."

"I want you to stay with me. I'm not ready to do this on my own."

I wanted to believe that meeting him would help me remember. He must've been important to me for Hydra to do such a thorough job of blocking him from my mind. Even when I did remember something, the memories never stayed permanently, slipping away when I slept. I pulled her back onto my lap and kissed her gently, not wanting to let her go, but knowing I had to. When she slid off my lap to sit next to me, it felt like goodbye.

 


	15. Hard Conversations

James' POV

We stayed sitting on the couch, side by side, Sarah's hand in mine, until we heard heavy steps in the hallway. There was a knock at the door before a large, tall, blond man let himself in. He was heavily muscled and was wearing a dark navy blue battlesuit with a white star on his chest. His eyes searched the room, landing on us. He froze momentarily, and I could tell he wasn't sure if I was Jace or not, but he assumed that I was.

"Hello, Steve," Sarah said as she jumped up and met him as the door closed behind him. He pulled her into his arms, hugging her in a way I understood before kissing her. I had to look away - I couldn't watch such an intimate moment any longer. The intensity of the pain in my chest was unexpected, stealing my breath away; I think I now understood what they meant by a broken heart. I was glad neither of them were paying attention to me at the moment so I could pull myself together.

"I have a surprise for you that's waited long enough," I heard Sarah say to him and I took a deep breath as I stood up. She led him over to me and he looked me over searchingly, eyes widening when he realized I wasn't Jace.

" _Bucky?"_ he said in a quiet, intense baritone as he stopped a couple feet away. "Is it really you?" I met his piercing blue gaze and found that I did indeed know this man. Those cobalt eyes had once been as familiar as my own. I nodded and he came closer, looking over every inch of me.

"Steve?" I asked, still unsure of who he was to me.

"Yeah, Bucky. It's me, Steve."

He closed the distance between us and pulled me into a bone crunching hug. I put my arms around him, returning the hug. I finally placed that familiar scent that I'd picked up occasionally over the past two weeks.

"Steve." A thousand little things I suddenly could recall and I wondered how I'd ever forgotten them.  Snippets of conversations flooded my mind.

"I thought you were dead!" he exclaimed as he pulled back slightly so he could see my face, tears in his eyes.

I smiled tremulously - he'd said that to me before. "I thought you were smaller," I responded because in my mind, he was still the small, sickly, little guy I'd left back home when I was drafted. I couldn't wrap my head around his transformation. He was larger than I was, heavily muscled under my hands and taller than me by at least an inch. "What happened to you?"

Steve hugged me again, kissing my cheek. "I joined the army. It's so good to see you Bucky." He exhaled shakily before whispering, "How?"

My eyes found Sarah, who was standing a couple steps away, watching us silently, one arm wrapped around herself and the other pressed to her mouth, keeping herself from speaking.

"It's a long story," I said, a small crooked smile on my lips. I saw her eyes turn up slightly, so I knew she smiled as well.

Steve held me by my shoulders firmly, looking at me like he was memorizing my face. "I've got time." He looked over at Sarah and held out a hand to her. She stepped forward and he drew her into a tight hug, picking her up off the floor. "Thank you, doll. I don't know how you did it, but thank you." He kissed her soundly before setting her back on her feet between us, his arm still around her.

"Don't thank me yet, Steve. It really is a long story; you're going to want to sit down for this one." She looked up at me, then put one arm around my neck, pulling me closer to her. "Are you okay, James?"

I wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her neck, just breathing in her scent to calm me. This was a lot to take in right now. I felt larger arms pulling us tight and knew Steve was holding us both. His breathing was as rough as my own, which made me feel a little better - he was real and he was here.

"Come sit down," Sarah said to us both. "I'm sure you both have questions."

I huffed out a laugh. That was an understatement if I'd ever heard one. We eased our hold on her and moved to the couch. I sat back down in the spot I preferred and Steve took the other side. We weren't small men - but the couch was - so that really didn't leave any room for Sarah.

Steve shifted slightly so he was facing me and I realized Sarah had been waiting for him to do that because she settled herself in his lap then with an ease that made me see that they sat like this often. She leaned into him, her head on his chest and his arms lightly around her, hands resting on the smooth skin of her long legs. I turned slightly, mirroring his position and she set her feet on my legs, giving me a little bit of her, too.

She smiled tiredly at me, and I was glad she had gotten a short nap in earlier. Now that it was going to be all right, the tension had drained from her. I hadn't known how much of a toll the past two weeks had taken on her until now; I knew she was almost ten years younger than my physical age, but right then she looked even younger than she was. I felt an unfamiliar emotion about that and it didn't sit well with me. I tucked away that feeling to analyze later, after I remembered more.

"How did you find him, Sarah?" Steve asked her, stroking her face lightly. "I know this has something to do with you."

"I saw her in the streets of Kiev by chance when she and Natalia were walking to and from the theater," I explained. "I was only supposed to be in Kiev for a couple days, so it was purely good luck that I saw her when I did. She looked familiar but I didn't know why, so I watched them practice every day from the rafters of the theater."

"They dance quite well," Steve said with a smile. Sarah flushed at the praise, making me smile as well.

"Yes, they do. So after she noticed me watching them, Sarah arranged a meeting in the streets."

"I acted like he was Jace and I hadn't seen him in a long time," Sarah explained and Steve nodded in understanding.

"It was very well done, not many people could have pulled that off so believably. I'm still not exactly sure why I allowed the conversation to happen but I've learned that she's a force to be reckoned with."

"Did she bat her eyelashes at you or something? You wouldn't believe what she can get a guy to do for her when she does that!" He grinned when she elbowed him in mock indignation. He kissed her temple in apology. "I'm just teasing you, doll."

"Something like that, yes. And yes, I _do_ believe because I've seen her do it without even knowing she does it." Sarah glared at me and I grinned in return, making them both laugh. "Anyway, when I met her, I started to remember Peggy...so after a long...conversation, she convinced me to come back to the States."

I wasn't going to tell Steve how Sarah had convinced me that I needed to come back to the States; I was keeping that memory for myself. I continued the story from when they left Kiev. Steve watched me like I'd first looked at Sarah, convinced I was going to disappear if he looked away from me. He'd taken Sarah's hand and she had twined her fingers with his, her hands tiny in his large ones.

She watched me as I spoke and I gave more detail than I had when I'd first arrived. Steve asked questions about my journey and I answered as best as I could. We talked long into the night, even after Sarah fell asleep in Steve's arms. 

Once I realized Sarah was out, I handed Steve her blanket, knowing how she liked to sleep under covers, even if she was in someone's arms. It hurt to see her with him, the ache in my chest was almost unbearable. I was no stranger to pain, but this was a different kind of pain, unfamiliar and strong.

Steve could have carried her to her bed and tucked her in without her waking, she was that soundly asleep, but the little things I noticed him doing made me realize he'd missed her while he was gone. He stroked her hair and back, running his hand down her arm, breathing in her scent. He looked down at her often, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips when he did. 

"So where have you been staying since you got to DC?" Steve asked.

"Here, with Sarah. Jace came up for the first week I was here, but he had to report in at Ops a couple days ago. Natalia must've called in a favor to get him here when she did, because he showed up that first night."

"I'm sure she did; I'm glad you got to meet him – he's a great kid. You can stay with me in my apartment, if you'd like, Bucky. I can fit another bed in my bedroom if I move some things around. It'll be like old times, when we had that little place in Brooklyn together before the war."

"Are you sure? I don't want to be a bother." I was glad that he offered, because it was going to hurt too much to stay here with Sarah, knowing that I couldn't touch her.

"You're never a bother, Bucky. I'm just so glad to have you back. I'm sorry I didn't know you'd survived the fall. We looked for you-"

Sarah stirred, waking up somewhat. "Go to bed, guys. Bucky's not going anywhere, Steve."

She patted his chest and he released her so she could sit up. She smiled softly, not fully awake yet, stealing my breath when she focused her sleepy smile on me. I looked away, standing up and stretching. I hadn't sat this still in a while.

"She's right, Steve. I'll be right here in the morning."

"All right; I have to go shower and change yet. I didn't take time to do that at Shield when we got back," he explained and I understood _why_ he wouldn't waste time there when he could be here with her. Steve set Sarah on her feet and she stretched for a moment, drawing my attention again.

"Night, James," she said quietly, giving me a kiss on the cheek as she passed.

"Good night, Sarah." This was really happening. It took everything I had to not kiss her like I wanted to and smile as she walked away.

"I'm sleeping on her couch tonight," I told Steve. A look of relief spread over his face and I realized he'd been worried I was going to leave again. "We can figure out the rest tomorrow... or later today. No wonder she fell asleep; it's already 3 in the morning." I looked around for my pillow; it had fallen off the end of the couch, so I picked it up and set it where I liked it before looking back at Steve.

He pulled me into another tight hug, just holding onto me. "I missed you so much, Bucky. It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back, Steve. I'm really not going anywhere," I promised. "I'll be here in the morning." He released me and I took a step back.

"Okay. I'll be back in a little bit. I...umm...stay...with Sarah when we're both home." His face was a little flushed.

I grinned at him, ignoring the little pang in my heart. "I feel like I should be making a big deal about this," I said as a bit of an old memory popped into my head. "Like a _really_ big deal."

He chuckled as he flushed even redder. "Yeah, you would've back in the day, pal."

He clapped me on the back and let himself out. I finished showering and getting ready for bed. Sarah had left some clothes in the bathroom for me, so I put them on and headed back out to the living room. I hit the light and saw the door was locked, so Steve must have come back while I was in the shower. I got settled on the couch, laying there and thinking over everything, missing a small, warm, cuddly body in my arms. It was going to be a long night without  her.

 

*           *       *

Sarah's POV

Even though I was exhausted, I forced myself to stay awake until Steve got back here tonight. I really needed to talk to him alone now that he'd seen James and talked to him. I heard James get in the shower, so that meant Steve'd went back to his place to shower. I didn't know what I was all going to tell Steve, and my tangled emotions helped keep me awake.

I looked up as the bedroom door opened to see Steve letting himself in. He was surprised to see me sitting up on the bed, not even under the covers.

"I didn't think you'd still be awake," he said quietly as he shut the door behind himself. "Is something wrong?"

"I needed to talk to you alone," I said. "There's some things you should know about Bucky, Steve."

He sat down on the bed next to me. "That doesn't sound good."

"I'll let you decide that. The first thing you should know is that Bucky has some huge memory issues. From what we've learned, Hydra didn't treat him very well for the 67 years he was in their hands."

He opened his mouth to speak, and I held up one hand, cutting him off. I needed to say this before I got upset over it again.

"They kept Bucky in cryofreeze and mind-wiped him constantly, Steve – constantly – so they could keep control of him," I said, looking over at him. He was struggling to keep it together and I took his hand in mine. "Basically he's been a Hydra assassin for the last 60-some years."

"Sarah," Steve let out a choked noise and I let him pull me into his arms.

"He doesn't always remember who I am; he still thinks I'm Peggy about half the time. Jace and I took him to the museum to show him the Captain America exhibit."

"Did...did it help him remember?"

I made a 'sort of' motion. "Yes and no, it triggered some new memories that only you could've validated – but the next day, he didn't remember anything about you." Steve held me tighter in response. "He didn't know your name, who you were, nothing. I just want you to be prepared for the worst, Steve. He might not know who you are in the morning." I looked up, watching the expressions flitting across his handsome face.

Steve kissed my forehead before resting his head on mine. "I wish I could've gotten back sooner. I'm so sorry you've had to try to help him on your own; Jace and Nat could only help so much."

"Here's where it gets interesting – he remembers Jace just fine in the mornings, but he didn't know Jace 70 years ago. Natasha he knows as Natalia Romanova – and they used to be involved, by the way."

Steve shifted so he could see my face. "You're serious."

"As a heart attack."

"Bucky... and _Nat_?"

"Yup. They're pretty intense, too." I shifted so I was straddling him and put my arms around his neck so I could look at him while I was talking to him.

He shook his head. "I'll believe it when I see it. I'm just so happy to have him back. Who'd have thought he could've survived that fall? I can't believe you found him and recognized him." I grabbed my phone finding the picture I'd taken in Kiev and showing him. "This is Bucky?"

"Yeah... you should probably know the rest of the story." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "Well, when I first met Bucky and got him to talk to me, he thought I was Peggy."

"Understandable," he said with a smile. "Every now and then I mess up, too."

"I know; but he wouldn't believe that I _wasn't_ her, Steve. How would you describe Peggy and Bucky's relationship back in '45?"

He thought for a moment. "They weren't friends right away, not until after they had worked together for a while, maybe a year. But by the time we thought he died, they were; Peggy was pretty upset when she found out what happened when I lost him."

"Were they ever...umm...you know...more than friends?" I asked, feeling myself flush.

"No," he said slowly, looking confused. "Why do you ask?"

I buried my face in his chest, muffling my words. "Not sure I want to tell you. Never mind, forget I brought it up."

Steve was quiet for a long moment. "What do you mean by more than friends?"

"Friends with benefits?" I tried, hoping he'd understand that but not holding my breath. There were just some things that Steve didn't get. I loved the man, but he was so naïve at times it hurt.

"Isn't being friends a benefit?"

I exhaled slowly while I tried to find a better way to phrase it. "It usually means friends that sleep together, Steve. Could Bucky and Peggy have been... sleeping together and not told you?"

"Where are you going with this?"

"Do you remember them getting lost in a blizzard?" I peeked up at him, watching as that detail jogged his memory.

"We were making our way back to camp in two groups when that blizzard came up out of nowhere – no warning – zero visibility in a matter of minutes. And cold – like that last mission we did in Russia." He shook his head in disbelief. "Never seen anything like it before. My group tied off so we didn't lose anyone, but the other group didn't. It wasn't until hours later at our nightly meeting that we learned Bucky and Peggy were missing."

"What did you do then?"

He shrugged. "Nothing we could do but wait for the storm to pass. We had recent aerial reconnaissance photos of the area they'd come from, so we decided to search any structures in the area. Hopefully they'd taken cover in one; none of us were dressed for that kind of weather."

"Did you ever think they wouldn't make it?"

He shook his head. "If Peggy was with Bucky, I knew they'd be all right. They were smart, resourceful, and she wouldn't let him do anything dumb."

"So then what?"

"The next morning, we set out looking for them. It took a while to check all the possible places, but we found them in a small barn. Snow had drifted over the door, so we had to dig them out. They were lucky to find shelter when they did, as cold as it got that night."

"Did they have anything to tell you about how they spent their time together?"

"No, but it seemed like they were finally getting along."

I stared at him for a long moment. "Steve, I love you, but I can't tell if you're being deliberately obtuse or if you're honestly just that naïve! What would we have done if we were trapped somewhere together overnight?"

"Talk? Maybe kiss? What do you think we'd be doing in a barn in a blizzard?" he asked, and I wanted so badly to beat my head against something hard right now. I was going to have to spell it out for him.

"Steve, you do know you don't need a bed to have sex, right? Please tell me this isn't new information to you."

"This isn't new information to me," Steve said, looking at me in confusion. He didn't sound very sure of himself, which made me shake my head.

"That didn't even sound very believable; I think we need to work on your education," I ground out. This would probably be hilarious if I wasn't trying to tell him both Peggy and I cheated on him. "Okay, so I'm just going to come out and say it since you're not following."

 

* * *

Steve's POV

"That's probably for the best, because I'm not even sure what we're talking about anymore, doll," I said, reaching a hand out to brush Sarah's unruly locks back from her face again, needing to see her expressions.

She worried her bottom lip between her teeth for a minute, her eyes holding mine. "I'm a little sketchy on the details, mostly because I didn't want to know the specifics, but according to Peggy, she and Bucky had sex in the barn and continued to see each other until he died a couple months later."

I stared at her for a long moment, eyes wide. "What?"

"I take it you didn't know that."

"No, that's news to me. Why are you telling me this?" I asked, a little hurt that my best friend had been with my girl - but she really hadn't been my girl - I'd never asked her out once and the date we were supposed to have was made knowing that I wouldn't make it. I didn't have a real claim on Peggy - I never really had - but I still loved her.

She swallowed hard. "It leads into the next part of the story. So I wasn't going to leave Bucky in Russia without trying to convince him to come back home, even if he didn't remember anything about his life before Hydra."

"I'm glad you didn't!" I said, touching her face lightly, watching her lean into my hand. "I can't believe you managed to keep that from me this whole time!"

"If it makes you feel better, I really wanted to tell you, but I got rank pulled on me," she pouted slightly.

"Natasha?" I laughed quietly, making an educated guess.

"Yup. Nat was afraid how it would affect you if we'd found him only for Hydra to put him back in cryofreeze. Our best bet was to convince him to go rogue on his own and find us here in DC."

"I wouldn't have stopped looking for him until I found him again, no matter how long it took, Sarah. Even if we had to take every Hydra base in Russia to make that happen." Determination crept into my voice, along with a tinge of guilt. "I lost him once, I won't lose him again."

"I know that, Steve; so does Natasha. We came up with a way to convince him to come back to the States, as you now know; just promise me that you'll listen to the whole story, okay?"

I looked at her carefully, seeing that she was apprehensive about something – which was more than a little out of character for her. "I promise, doll. I don't care what you had to do, though. The important thing is that he's here." I took her hand in mine and smiled at her as I tipped her lovely face up for a kiss.

She sighed quietly, "You say that now, but we'll see." She pulled her hand back and stood up, pacing the small room. "The only thing Bucky remembered when I found him in Kiev was Peggy. Not you, not even his name."

I saw her blinking rapidly as she resumed her pacing, knowing she was trying to hide her emotions from me. I caught her hand as she turned and pulled her over to me.

"Come here," I said as I stood up and put my arms around her, holding her firmly in place. "I've never seen you get so worked up so quickly. What's wrong?"

"I'll understand if you don't want to be with me anymore, really, I will," she said, her voice rough and unsteady. I wished I could see her face, but she kept her chin down. "I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve to be with you, Steve."

"What are you talking about, doll?" I didn't know where this outburst was coming from, but I didn't like what she was saying. I had no intention of breaking up with her, and I was suddenly terrified that she was going to break up with me because Bucky was back - which didn't make any sense to me.

She slowly looked up at me, biting her lip. "I slept with Bucky to convince him to come back to the States," she said quickly. "I let him think I was Peggy."

I wasn't expecting to hear that, and I froze in place, just staring at her in shock. "I don't know what to say," I said finally.

She stepped away from me, reaching for the hooded sweatshirt on the chair. "I'm sorry. I'm going to go for a run now."

That jolted me out of my stupor. "No, it's almost 4 in the morning, Sarah! You need sleep, too."

She pulled on the sweatshirt, leaving the hood up, and grabbed her phone as she attempted to move past me, hiding her face from me. "I need to think – running helps me do that."

I shook my head, blocking the door so she couldn't leave, afraid if she left now, she wouldn't come back - she was certainly capable of going off grid if she wanted to. I had to talk quickly because she was hellbent on escape right now.

"I wasn't expecting to hear that, but I know you, Sarah Maria Evans." I knew she was feeling guilty, but I knew her – how she thought, her values, her weaknesses. "So I also know this probably wasn't your idea."

"It wasn't, but I went along with it," she admitted, her voice unsteady.

She darted over to the window, opening it and getting one leg out before I realized what she was going to do. I sighed and grabbed her by the waist; she didn't fight me as I pulled her back inside with one arm, shutting the window with the other.

A thought occurred to me. "Would Bucky have come here otherwise if he didn't think you were Peggy?"

Sarah shook her head once. "Nat and I don't think so." She licked her lips. "Nothing else would get through to him. I tried everything I could think of, but that was my last option and I used it."

I sighed, knowing there was a lot that Bucky didn't remember. I pushed her hood down and gently forced her to look up to me, seeing the tears she'd been hiding. "If it weren't for you, Sarah, I wouldn't have Bucky back." I gently wiped the tears from her face. "Thank you, for getting him to come home to me." She smiled slightly. "Now will you _please_ promise **not** to jump out the damn window?" I asked, exasperation tinging my tone.

"So you don't want me to go?" Sarah hedged, searching my face.

I shook my head. "Doll, you do realize you're not wearing any shoes and it's _cold_ out, right?"

Sarah put her arms around me and hugged me hard. "I know, but someone was blocking the door."

I sighed heavily, glad the hard part was over. "I didn't think you'd really try to go out the window. We're on the third floor, doll."

"I have to take it in two stages, but I can make it down fine, babe." She went up on her tiptoes to kiss me. "I'm all healed up again."

"Healed up from what, doll? You never said anything about getting hurt."

"I didn't? Must have slipped my mind. Well, time for bed – gosh I'm so tired. Look at the time!"

I would have laughed at her blatant attempt at avoiding the question if I wasn't concerned enough about her already. "You're not fooling me."

"If you can find the scar, I'll tell you how I got it," she offered with a grin, setting her phone down and pulling off the sweatshirt. She set it back on the chair and climbed into bed, turning off the lamp.

"I see you're planning on making this challenging," I teased as I pulled off my shirt and climbed in the bed, pulling her close to me and just breathing in her intoxicating scent, her smaller body warm and pliant as it curved around mine. I knew the storm had passed, and knew that it would take something pretty awful for me to ever want to walk away from her, not that I thought she was capable of anything like that.

"Maybe," she said as I pulled her up on top of me. "I love you, Steve. I really do."

"I know, doll. I love you, too – and I'm never letting you go, especially since I know there's a line behind me!" My arms tightened around her I kissed down her neck as I pulled her shirt off, desperately needing to feel her skin on mine. "Bucky, Clint – "

"Babe, that's nothing compared to the line of women waiting for you to be free of me." She ran her hands over me, inspecting me in her own way. "I've missed you so much."

I claimed her lips again. "I think I missed you more. No more long missions for a while for either of us, okay?"

"I'll see what I can do," she said, her fingers pausing on a new scar. "When did you get shot here?"

 


	16. Moving On

Sarah's POV

A strange noise coming from the living room woke me. I looked over at Steve, who was soundly asleep with his arms around me. I knew from experience that it would take a lot to wake him when he let himself crash like this after returning from such a long stint in the field. I laid there a moment, trying to determine if James was just getting up to get a drink or go to the bathroom or if it was something else entirely.

When I heard it again I knew that James needed me right now. I carefully worked myself out of Steve's arms, climbing out of bed and grabbing Steve's discarded t-shirt from the chair. I quickly pulled it on to cover my nakedness, taking the tranquilizer gun I kept in my dresser as I passed it.

I opened my bedroom door silently, not sure what I was going to find. James was shifting restlessly in his sleep, and I lowered the tranq gun as I approached. He was speaking tonelessly in Russian, and as I listened, I heard him repeating orders to take out a target, over and over. I had never heard him speak him so coldly to anyone before.

James thrashed violently on the couch, and he started to argue with whomever he was talking to in his dream, sounding less detached as grunts of remembered pain punctuated his argument. I'd heard enough, so I knelt down beside him, leaving myself room to move because I knew he'd wake up armed and I had to be prepared to dodge. I couldn't guarantee that he'd remember me in time before he pulled the trigger.

"James, wake up. You're having a nightmare."

His eyes snapped open and he sat up rigidly, staring at me with a gun pointed at my head. "<Target status?>" He demanded in Russian, his voice still toneless and coldly detached.

I thought fast, knowing that if he thought I was the target, he'd come after me and I wasn't strong enough to stop him. "<Eliminated,> I snapped back, acting like his superior. "<Mission complete, soldier. Stand down.>"

"<Good.>" He lowered the gun, relaxing. I sat back on my heels, as he closed his eyes, not sure what to make of this development. In the time he'd been with me, I'd never seen him do this before, but he had always slept with me in my bed, not out here on the couch alone.

I was going to have to talk to Steve and Natasha about this in the morning, because I wasn't sure what James was capable of when he was dreaming. It could be as simple as talking in his sleep or as complicated as killing us while sleepwalking.

It was entirely possible that James' target was Steve, especially given that Steve had been working on eradicating Hydra in this time from the moment he had rejoined Shield in this time. I watched him for a little longer, but he seemed to be sleeping normally again, so I figured I could go back to bed now. I was still exhausted, now that the adrenaline rush had ended.

I was almost to the door when I heard him murmuring in Russian and the couch protested when he started moving restlessly again. I slowly walked back over to him. This time, I reached out to wake him, not wanting to hear more of his painful memories as the Winter Soldier. I didn't know how he'd survived living like that for as long as he had, but he didn't need to anymore.

"Peggy?" he murmured, opening his eyes and pulling me to him in one swift motion. He settled me on top of him, kissing me soundly. I felt him growing hard between us and I broke the kiss, putting a little distance between our faces.

"Sarah, James. I'm Sarah. Are you all right? It sounded like you were having a bad dream."

"Did I hurt you?" He ran his hands over me, seeking an injury. He sat us up, his eyes sweeping over me in alarm.

"No. You were speaking to someone in your sleep in Russian."

He huffed out a deep breath. "What did I say?"

"You asked about a target's status. Do you remember who your target was in your dream?"

He shook his head. "No, just that it was a man. He was a threat to Hydra and I was supposed to neutralize him."

"Can you recall anything specific about your target? Size, physical features?" I held my breath, afraid that he was going to say Steve - either by name or alias.

He thought for a long moment before finally nodding. "He is very strong, a challenge even to me. My size or larger; I don't know who he is, though."

That didn't make me any easier - he was still describing Steve. "Would you know him if you saw him?"

James shook his head in denial. "No...I don't know...I can't remember."

I dropped the subject; James was becoming agitated. "I told you that your target was eliminated and your mission was complete in Russian. It seemed like it made you relax."

"That's probably for the best - good thing you speak Russian." He sighed. "I just wish I could remember!"

He and Nat had told me to always use a tone of command if James lapsed - he was trained to respond to that. We'd never tested it before, but that seemed to be the truth. I patted his chest and started to move off him, only to have his arms tighten around me in protest

"I'm going back to bed, James. I'll see you in the morning - _after_ dawn." I reached up to stroke his face when he didn't release me. "I'm not leaving you; I'm just going to back to bed, okay? You have to let me go."

"I don't want to." He covered my hand with his own. "You can sleep on me."

He kissed me on my closed lips and I knew I couldn't let this go on. I shouldn't encourage him or let him keep kissing me - not anymore. "James, you can't be kissing me anymore."

He gave me a crooked grin. "I kinda remember you telling me something along those lines, doll, but I didn't agree to that." He tried to kiss me again and I pulled back from him, sighing and shaking my head.

"James, let go of me _now_." I put some steel in my voice and his arms loosened. I climbed off him, standing up. He stood up as well, looking me over with a strange expression that I couldn't place. "What?"

"Doll, what are you wearing?" he asked flatly.

I looked down to see what was wrong with the t-shirt I had grabbed on my way out of the room. Everything major was covered; Steve was so much larger than me that his regular t-shirts fit me like a loose dress. This one came down to almost mid-thigh, the v-neck constantly sliding off one of my shoulders. "Steve's shirt. I grabbed the first thing I saw when I heard noises out here. Why?"

"You sleep with him?" His eyes met mine, hurt radiating from him. I sighed, wishing it didn't have to be like this but knowing we were going to have this same conversation several more times before he would even somewhat remember it. On some things, his memory had improved, but when it came to Steve, I guess it hadn't yet. 

"Yes," I said slowly, crossing my arms in front of me. "I do, but you knew that already. He's my boyfriend, James – and your best friend. I love him, so why wouldn't I sleep with him?"

"Because _I_ _love you_ ," he said quietly, his eyes burning intently into mine.

I put a hand on his cybernetic arm, touching him lightly. "We'll talk about this later, James." I watched his expression closely as I spoke again. "When you can tell the difference between Sarah and Peggy."

His eyes widened, and I knew he'd slipped back into thinking I was Peggy. It was a low blow, but it still had to be said. I took my hand from him and turned away, walking back to my room.

"Sarah – " he said quietly, as I reached the door.

I stared steadily back at him, refusing to let him see my reluctance to leave him out here alone. I had drawn a line in the sand, and I couldn't - wouldn't - erase it. I also knew crossing it would change things, and I needed to think about the consequences with a clear mind, which I certainly didn't have right now.

"Good night, James," I said, walking through the door and shutting it behind me.

I leaned against it for a long moment, closing my eyes as I heard him cursing in Russian through the thin door. I sank to the floor, tears rolling down my face, the ache in my chest almost unbearable, even though I knew I deserved to feel this pain.

 

*        *     *

James' POV

A loud noise from the kitchen startled me awake. I sat up quickly, reaching for my gun before I noticed the smell of pancakes, bacon and eggs. The sun was up, but just barely. I could hear someone moving around the kitchen, but it didn't sound like Peggy or Natalia and Jace had went back to Ops already last week.

I got up quietly to see who it was and stopped short. A large blond man was making breakfast, quietly humming a song I knew to himself as he stood in front of the stove. He turned to see who was coming in the room and smiled, moving suddenly and pulling me into a tight hug.

"It's so good to have you back, Bucky," he said in my ear.

"Who are you?" I asked when he let go of me, giving him a confused look. He looked kind of familiar, but I couldn't place him.

"I'm Steve Rogers. Don't you remember me, Bucky?"

I stared at him for a long moment. "I know you."

"Yes, you do." A smile grew on his lips and he put a hand on my shoulder. "You've known me your whole life." His statement resonated with a conviction that made me want to accept that as fact.

"All right, pal. If you say so."

"You really _don't_ remember anything," he said, but it was almost like he was saying it to himself, not me.

I shook my head as I walked past him to the cupboard to get a mug. I really wasn't a morning person, having learned that before at least one cup of coffee I wasn't very civil. This Steve guy must not be a coffee drinker because the pot wasn't even turned on. I kinda knew how to run it, but not really.

I'd watched Peggy make it enough that I thought I could figure it out, so I pulled out the coffee grounds and a filter and put them in the machine like I'd seen her do. I used my mug to fill the water container and flipped the switch.

I got a glass out of the cupboard and opened the fridge, finding the carton of orange juice to poured myself a glass before going to sit at the table. I looked over to to see him - Steve - staring at me, an apologetic expression on his face.

"Sorry, Bucky," said Steve, turning back to the stove. "I forgot about the coffee. I usually don't have any here, just at Shield."

"It's fine. Not sure how it'll turn out since I've never actually made it myself, but I've watched Peggy do it, though, and it didn't look too hard." I attempted a smile, but was pretty sure it didn't quite make it there.

"Her name is Sarah, Buck. So you're still not a morning person?" he asked with a glance at me. I just looked at him. "Nope, guess not," Steve said with a grin, answering his own question. "Some days the smell of coffee was the only way I could get you up and moving for the day when you'd been out chasing skirts the night before."

The coffee was finally brewing and I poured myself a full mug, putting the carafe back to finish filling. I blew on it for a bit before taking a sip. It was pretty strong, but still drinkable. I must have used too much coffee for this size pot. I sat at the table, slowly sipping my coffee until a plate suddenly appeared in front of me, full of pancakes and eggs, a couple strips of bacon on the side.

"Thanks," I said in surprise. I tipped myself back in my chair to grab two forks from the silverware drawer, offering one to Steve. "Do you know where the syrup is?"

"I think Sarah keeps it in the fridge," Steve replied as he set down his own plate, taking the fork.

I went to the fridge and opened the door, reading labels on bottles until I found it. I shut the fridge and brought it back to the table. I doused my pancakes and eggs and sat the bottle on the table. I tucked in, emptying my plate before Steve was half done.

"There's more if you're still hungry. I set a plate aside for Sarah already, so everything else is extra."

"Thanks! You make good pancakes." I got up and filled up my plate and cup again, still ravenous.

"You're welcome. I like cooking, I just usually don't have the time for it."

"Peg – Sarah's been teaching me how to run the appliances, but I'm not very good at it yet."

Just then she came padding into the kitchen. "I thought I smelled something delicious. Morning, James, what's my name?" she asked with a grin, rumpling my hair before putting her arms around my shoulders and kissing my cheek.

"Sarah," I said smugly, knowing I had it right.

She laughed lightly. "Steve reminded you, didn't he?"

"Maybe. He says I know him."

"You do; he's your best friend." She set her phone down in front of me with a picture pulled up on it. I looked at it for a long moment before glancing over at Steve, then back up at Sarah.

"They're the same person? My Steve and him?"

"Yes, James; they are."

"Why can't I remember him?"

"I don't know the answer to that, James." Sarah sounded troubled, and I slumped in my chair slightly, feeling guilty for having disappointed her. "You still don't always remember who I am and we've spent the last two weeks together. You only met Steve again last night; you remembered him somewhat yesterday, though."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I turned my attention back to my food as she let go of me and walked over to Steve, leaning down to murmur in his ear for a moment before he tipped his head back to smile up at her. I turned my eyes away from them, the stabbing pain in my chest suddenly making it hard to breathe. I heard Sarah get a mug out of the cupboard and pour a generous amount of coffee in it.

"Whooo-eee! I know I needed a jumpstart today, Steve, but wow!" Her eyes widened as she took a sip of her coffee.

I spoke up, as he laughed at her reaction, taking the blame for my strong joe. "Sorry. I didn't know how much to use. It's a little more potent than I intended."

She laughed softly. "No, I'm sorry, James. I should have _told_ you how much I was adding when I showed you how to run the coffeemaker. It's not your fault I'm a bad teacher. I'll only need one cup today, though; any more than that and I might get a little tachy."

I gave her a grin because my coffee had already kicked in, so I was ready to get moving for the day. I put my empty plate in the sink and finished off my orange juice and coffee before going to go brush my teeth. I put on the smelly stuff that Sarah and Jace had told me how to use, not overdoing it because a little went a long ways. My hair looked a little messy, but I didn't need to do anything with it, just ran my hands through it to tame it a little bit.

I was getting a decidedly itchy face from my beard, so I decided to shave. I took off my shirt and threw it in the hamper before lathering up my face. I heard chairs scrape across the kitchen floor, so I figured Sarah would be coming in here soon to get showered. She said she needed to shower in the morning so she could get through her hair, and after seeing how tangled it was in the mornings sometimes, I could see how true that was.

I heard the door open and shut and then I heard water running in the kitchen; Sarah must be doing the dishes I'd intended to do when she was in the shower. I shook myself, bringing me back to the present. I'd lost track of time, standing there staring off into space. Picking up the razor, I ran it under the water before pulling it across my face. I was almost done when Sarah padded into the bathroom. She looked at me and smiled.

"I see you got tired of your scruff finally."

"It was starting to get itchy; I'm almost done."

"You look better without it. Take your time, James; I don't want you to cut yourself." She watched me for a moment before speaking again. "Steve said you're moving in with him today."

I met her eyes in the mirror, trying to read them as part of my conversation with Steve last night came back to me. She'd said it in a matter-of-fact tone, but there was a hint of a question at the end.

"Yeah, Steve asked if I would last night; you must have fallen asleep by then, I guess."

"That's a great idea. Actually, I told Steve that you guys could have my bed since I have a different one coming later today. It isn't very big, so it should fit in his room. I think it would be good for you guys to spend some time together. Maybe it'll help you remember stuff, James."

"Are you sure?" I asked her, panic setting in as I realized I wouldn't be here with her.

She came up behind me and put her arms around me. "It's okay, James – take a deep breath. What are you thinking?"

I set the razor down and turned so I was facing her. "I don't want to leave you."

She studied my face, and I didn't know what she saw there because I didn't know what I was all feeling right then, I couldn't put a name to my emotions. She smiled up at me, but it was a forced smile, and I  realized that this wasn't going to be easy for her, either.

"I'll be right next door and you can always call me any time; that's why you have a phone of your own, James. Tell you what, as soon as we're ready for the day I'll take you over there so you can see it for yourself. Okay?"

I pulled her to me, holding her tight. "It's not the same as being here with you, doll."

"I know, James. This will be good for you; you'll see. At least give it two weeks?" She ran her hands up and down my back soothingly and I started to relax.

I took a deep breath, her scent calming me. "Two weeks," I said finally. "And if I don't like it?"

"We'll figure something else out. You have to let us know what _you_ want as well, James. We can't read your mind, you know." She started to let go of me and even though I didn't want to, I let her step back, putting distance between us.

"I'll try," I said, knowing she was waiting for a response from me. I met her eyes in the mirror briefly before she dropped her gaze from mine.

"I'll go set out something for you to wear while you finish up."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak right then. She brushed past me on the way out and I turned back to my reflection to scrape the last of the stubble from my face. Once I finished, I rinsed my face and dried it off before walking to the bedroom. I didn't see Sarah, so I turned my head to see if she was in the living room but met her at the door as she rebounded hard off my bare chest. I caught her before she hit the doorjamb, pulling her close to me.

"I'm sorry, doll. I wasn't expecting you right there. I didn't see you a moment ago."

She rubbed her nose, having hit it on me. "It's okay. I should have been looking where I was going." Her voice was a little hoarse and I looked at her suspiciously. She was using her 'I don't want to talk to you right now voice,' which, when she used it with Jace, meant she was upset about something.

"Are you okay?" Her eyes looked a little bright, and she blinked faster than usual. She stepped back from me and I let my hands fall to my sides.

"I'm fine." She moved to walk past me and I stopped her, one hand on her arm.

"You're lying." I said flatly; I didn't like that she was hiding something from me.

" _I'm fine_ ," she insisted, looking away from me.

" _Sarah_." My firm tone made her look up at me as I saw one little tear roll down her face. I gently pulled her to me and she didn't resist. "What's wrong? You can tell me."

 

*         *           *

Sarah's POV

"Nothing's wrong! I'm perfectly fine, James," I ground out, not wanting to admit anything to him - or to myself. I could come up so many reasons _why_ it would be better for James to live with Steve, but my heart didn't want to listen to my brain right now. There was absolutely no logical reason why I should be upset about it, but I was. Stupid teenage emotions.

"If that were true, these wouldn't be here." James rubbed the pad of his thumb across my cheek and showed me when it came away wet. "Try again - the truth this time. Why are you upset, Sarah?"

He held me firmly in his arms, and I knew that he wasn't going to let me go until I answered him. I thought about saying that I was overtired, which was true, but I quickly settled on something that would be believable.

"I think I'm just surprised by how quickly this change is happening," I said slowly, pulling back from him. I'd naïvely thought I'd have more time before things changed this drastically. James and I had just started to settle into being comfortable around each other as well, and I didn't want that to go away.

"You don't think I'm ready?" he asked quietly, searching my face.

"No, I don't," I answered honestly, thinking about how radically different he'd acted last night. "But I honestly hope you prove me wrong, James. Maybe living together like you used to will help bring back your memory of Steve for good."

"I hope so, but I still need you too, Sarah – more than you'll ever know."

"I'm going to go shower now."

I didn't want to have this conversation right now, so I gave him a quick hug and kissed his cheek, stepping past him to go into the bathroom. A little while later, I wrapped the towel around myself so I could go get dressed. I stepped out of the bathroom, shaking my wild hair out of my face and rebounded off a hard male body again, slamming my nose into his chest again, a lot harder this time.

"Ouch! My poor nose," I groaned as I shoved my hair back and looked up at James, my other hand going to my already tender nose.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. I was just going to tell you – Sarah, you're bleeding!"

"Shit!" I said as I felt warm blood roll down my face.

James' face went white and I glimpsed panic in his eyes before I ran back to the bathroom to lean my head over the sink until it quit bleeding. The coppery tang of blood was strong as I breathed through my mouth. I heard the door open as James went to go get Steve. I pinched the bridge of my nose, holding the spot that usually helped it quit faster. I'd hit James harder than I thought to give myself this bad of a nosebleed.

"Sarah, are you okay? I couldn't understand what Bucky was trying to tell me; he lapsed into Russian." Steve said worriedly, coming into the bathroom and stopping in the doorway. I glanced up at him as he assessed the situation.

"I'll be fine. I hit my nose really hard on James." I would have laughed if I knew it wouldn't make me bleed more right now.

"Is it broken?" he brushed my hair back behind my ear so he could see my face better.

I could touch it and the initial pain of impact had faded already, so I told him, "I don't think so. It doesn't hurt like it is."

He blinked at my reasoning, visibly concerned that I was still bleeding as much as I was. It had finally slowed to a drip instead of a stream, at least. "I've never seen you bleed like this from a hit to the face, and I've seen you take some hard ones before."

"It was like walking face first into a brick wall; my hair was in my face and his chest is as hard as yours." I grinned at him, making light of it. "You better go calm down Bucky before he gets too upset and tell him I'm not mad at him or anything; it was an accident."

He touched my shoulder gently. "I'll try – I just had to know you were okay first."

"I'll come over in a couple minutes. It's almost done bleeding now, but I need to get washed off again. I think the sudden gush of blood just caught him off guard. Go, Steve. Bucky needs you."

"Okay. Going!"

He turned and went out the door. I looked up at the mirror and saw that it did look pretty bad. No wonder James had looked at me with such a panicked expression. I had blood all over my face and down my neck, my hands were covered in blood, the sink was splattered with red and even the towel around me had blood on it even. I sighed to my reflection, "Can this day get any better?"

I turned on the water and rinsed off my hands and the sink. I dropped the towel in the hamper and stepped back in the shower. I rinsed off, making sure I got my hands clean. I turned off the water and stepped out, reaching over to get a new towel out of the closet and drying off. I wrapped my hair up and shrugged on my robe and went to go get dressed, quickly pulling on clothes to go over to Steve's apartment. Something made me think that Steve wasn't going to be able to calm him yet.

James was talking rapidly in Russian to Steve, gesticulating wildly. I put my hand on his face and his eyes focused on me. I put two fingers on his lips before he could say anything before addressing him in Russian.

"<He can't understand what you're saying, James. You're talking too fast and not making sense. Slow down and start over - in English this time.>" I removed my fingers from his lips, indicating he could speak.

He nodded, taking a deep breath and releasing it, eyes still a little wild. "I'm sorry, Peggy."

"Sarah, James. I'm Sarah."

He pulled me into his arms and I let him; he was so tense he was almost vibrating. He took a couple more deep breaths before he started to finally relax. "Sarah," he repeated, "I'm sorry, Sarah. I don't know what happened, but you were bleeding so much. I didn't know what to do, so I went to get Steve, but he just looked at me."

"I don't speak Russian, Bucky," Steve said apologetically.

"You were talking so fast I could barely follow you, James," I said.

"Oh." He considered that for a moment. "I didn't realize I wasn't speaking English."

"It's all right, Bucky." Steve smiled at him gently. "It looked really bad, but it was just a bloody nose."

James let go of me, taking a step back so he could see me. "There was so much blood; even more than when I shot you." His hands tightened on my shoulders involuntarily and I winced at the sudden pain as his grip became bruisingly hard. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes.

"Relax, James. You're hurting my arms," I said calmly. His hands relaxed, but I knew there was going to be marks for the next day or so. "Thank you. It was an accident. You didn't do anything; you didn't hit me or shoot me – I just walked into you." The remainder of the tension was starting to seep out of him. "Are you all right, now? I didn't mean to scare you. I know it looked bad right then, but it goes away quickly."

He nodded. "I'm okay now."

"Good. I'm going to get my shoes and then I'll be ready to go. You need to talk to Steve; you scared him a little, too." I shrugged out of his hands and turned to go back to my apartment. I heard both of them exclaim as they saw the bruises on my arms.

"Sarah, wait!" said Steve and I sighed, turning back around. I had been hoping that they wouldn't notice them that quickly. Steve looked slightly green, and I knew he was remembering the last time he had unintentionally marked me in a similar fashion.

"Did I do that?" James asked, reaching out a hand towards me but dropping it before he touched me. My arms were starting to throb, so I looked down to see a perfect hand print on each arm, down to the individual finger detail. He looked like he was going to be sick as well. "They'll be gone in a couple days, James, just like the last time."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was doing that to you. I'm so sorry-"

I put my hand on his face so he would focus on me. "I'll be fine, James. This isn't nearly as bad as last time, and you let go when I asked you to." I heard a small noise from Steve, but I couldn't take my attention from James quite yet or he would think I was angry with him, and I didn't want to deal with that today if I could avoid it. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me."

"I don't ever want to hurt you, doll. You know that?"

"I know, James." I dropped my hand from his face and turned to Steve, gesturing to the hallway. He nodded, face stony. "We'll be right back."

I led the way back to my apartment, walking in and shutting the door behind us. Steve ran gentle fingers over my shoulders before pulling me into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Sarah. I didn't know he was that strong with his normal hand as well. Are you okay?" He rested his hand on my face, kissing my nose lightly. I scrunched it and he smiled faintly, letting me go.

"Fine. Just bruised," I said quietly, lowering my voice. "I'm not angry with him, Steve. He forgets how strong he is when he's upset and I didn't get to him soon enough to calm him."

"What happened last time?" Steve matched my hushed tones. "And _when_ did he shoot you?"

"He got excited about a design I came up with and picked me up off my feet. He shot me because I pulled his arm down so he wouldn't shoot Jace that first day he was here." I touched the fading scar on my arm and Steve brushed his thumb over it before looking up at me. "He doesn't mean to hurt me, things just happen sometimes. You've left similar marks on me before, too and I know you don't mean to either."

"You're right, I don't and I really don't think he meant to grab you that hard while he was upset." He paused for a moment. "So this isn't normal for him now?"

"No! He felt horrible after he realized what happened. I should've said something to him right away last time, but I didn't. So I did this time and he loosened his hands right away."

"I watched you wince, but I didn't know he had that firm of a grip on you. I'm sorry, Sarah. Sometimes we don't know how strong we are."

"Believe me, I know and I don't hold it against you. If you did it on purpose it would be different story." I leaned up and kissed him. "Now go talk to James while I finish getting ready to go. I'll be over in a little bit."

"Okay." He kissed me softly before letting me go.

I sighed and went to go find a sweatshirt to wear today before doing my hair and brushing my teeth. Today was going to be a long day, I could tell it already.


	17. Grocery Shopping

Sarah's POV

I wasn't looking forward to taking them both shopping, but I knew Steve's cupboards were completely bare other than a box of cereal and maybe a couple protein bars - maybe. We usually ate at my apartment, and he'd either eat at Shield if I was gone or a nearby diner. I'd told him he needed to keep food in his apartment if Bucky was going to be staying with him because I wasn't sure if he would come over on his own if Steve was gone.

Besides, I hadn't taken James to the grocery store yet and I kinda wanted to see what his reaction to modern food prices was. He'd been alarmed enough at the price of the clothes I'd bought for him on our one shopping trip together.

I walked into Steve's apartment and looked around for the men. They were in the living room quietly talking, so I just perched on the table and watched them, eyes wide. Steve had his hand on James' face and their foreheads were touching, eyes focused on each other.

I couldn't hear what they were saying, which was probably for the best. Suddenly, Steve pulled James into a tight hug, kissing his cheek before burying his face in James neck. James held Steve just as tight, one hand fisted in Steve's shirt, the other around his neck, fingers in his short hair.

My cheeks flushed as I watched, but I was unable to tear my eyes away from them. They had no idea how much they gave away about how they really felt about each other with their unguarded body language. I knew that Steve had always loved Bucky, but I hadn't realized that Bucky loved him just as much, and in the same way - as more than just friends.

Seeing them embrace, I knew that they were meant to be together and I thanked God that Bucky was back in Steve's life, hopefully for good this time. This explained why he had mourned Bucky so intensely, leading up to the events that buried him in the Arctic. Bucky was his soulmate from a time when loving each other was taboo.

I felt a little bit envious of James at that very moment, because while Steve felt something for me as well, it was a drop in the ocean compared to what he felt for his Bucky. I silently got off the table and walked back to the door, shutting it firmly like I'd just come in. They both looked up at the noise, arms still around each other as I smiled at them.

"Oh! Do I get a hug, too?"

"Of course, doll," said James, a crooked smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes.

Steve, face flushed, held out an arm and I skipped over to them. They pulled me in, sandwiching me between them. I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed them each on the cheek before stepping back to end the hug.

"Are you guys ready to go? Nat's meeting us at the store."

"Sure," said Steve, smiling. "Ready Bucky?"

"Let's go. I've never been to wherever it is we're going?" Bucky quirked a brow at me questioningly.

"Nope, not since I've known you," I said with a smile. "Consider it the next lesson."

"This isn't going to be like the clothes store, is it?"

I turned my face up to Steve. "I took Bucky to Abercrombie and Fitch to get him some clothes so he didn't have to keep borrowing yours. It was an eye-opening experience for him." I smiled, remembering his reactions.

"I only feel sympathy for you, Bucky, if it was anything like my first shopping trip with Nat," said Steve, clapping him on the back as he shuddered. "Never again will I go clothes shopping with that woman."

"According to her, you both reacted the same way. I'm driving," I said as we headed for the door.

"I call shotgun!" Bucky said, making me laugh.

"You've been spending too much time with Jace - and you can't call it until we all see the vehicle!"

Steve looked confused, so I explained on the way down. He only laughed when Bucky called it again when we got down to the car and got in the back seat without complaint, even though I knew he didn't fit comfortably back there.

"So where did _Bucky_ come from?" I asked as I pulled out of my parking spot.

"He's always been Bucky for as long as I've known him," said Steve after a moment of thought. "He even introduced himself as Bucky. Our teachers and his parents called him James, of course, but all of his siblings called him Bucky as well. Do you remember how it all got started?"

I glanced over at James, who was frowning to himself as he thought. I reached over and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. The frown faded as he looked over at me with a small smile. James looked back at Steve and shook his head.

"Not yet; I hoped you knew."

"Sorry, buddy. It had to have been when you were really little, because I didn't meet you until I started school."

"We can have Jace ask your sister about it, James. She might still remember," I said, meeting his eyes briefly. He squeezed my hand as he looked back at Steve. I could tell he was a little frustrated at his memory block.

"I wish I could remember that, meeting you. Can you tell me about it?" His voice was hopeful, and my heart ached for what he might not ever get back. I let go of his hand to pull into the busy parking lot and searched for a spot.

"Sure, when we get back," said Steve, smiling as I glanced at him in the rear-view mirror. "We're at the store already."

"Nat's here already," I said to Steve as I tucked my phone in my back pocket and held out my other hand to James, pulling him the correct direction. "This way, James."

"Why do you keep calling him James, Sarah?" asked Steve, a slight frown between his eyes as he took my other hand.

"He asked me to and it's what Nat calls him," I replied, smiling up at him easily. At the time, he hadn't remembered being Bucky- still didn't really- so it was easier for him to be called James. "It's also less conspicuous in public since _Bucky_ isn't exactly a common name and we're going for low profile right now, _Captain America_."

"It used to be," Steve grumbled.

"Not anymore, Steve. I'd never heard the name until Jace told me about him when we were kids."

"There are stories about me?" James piped up, looking down at me with a grin. He tucked my hand in the crook of his elbow and winked at me.

"Jace didn't tell you when he was here hanging out with you and I was on that last mission?" They'd spent almost a week together; I'd kind of figured at some time during that week he'd told James those same stories.

"Not really," he shrugged. "We talked about a lot of other stuff."

"I'd rather not know, I think."

"It's probably for the best you don't. Guy stuff." He smirked, eyes flicking from me to Steve.

I rolled my eyes at him, letting go of his arm. "You didn't watch porn on my computer, did you?"

"Thought you didn't wanna know?" His smirk grew more mischievous.

"Ugg, James!" I shoved him slightly and he laughed.

"It was on the TV. Some channel starting with 'paper'?"

"Pay-per-view," I stressed the syllables. "Even worse!" I groaned. "I knew I should have locked down my cable box when I told him he could rent a movie if he wanted. Jace owes me when my cable bill comes, then. If I don't kill him first."

Steve and James just laughed at me, not really taking me serious about killing him.  I probably wouldn't anyways... I'd just get even somehow.

"Grab a cart, James. We're going to need it," I said. He looked around to see what others were doing, then pulled a cart forward and drove it over to us.

"If you're going for low profile, quit drawing so much attention to yourselves, you dorks." Natasha appeared in front of us with a smile. "You're having way too much fun for a grocery store."

"What? We're just college kids getting groceries."

"On a CW show, maybe."

I laughed hard at that one, leaning on the cart for a long moment. "Not helping, Nat." I had to wipe away tears I laughed so hard.

Natasha took pity on the guys and explained, "It's a TV network that features twenty-somethings playing high school kids and _everyone_ is ridiculously good looking."

"Thanks, Natalia," James said. "I think."

Steve shook his head and took control of the cart. "All right people. Time to shop now."

"Roger that, Rogers," I said with a smirk and James burst out laughing. Steve walked away like he didn't know us and Nat followed Steve. I took James' arm and once we stopped laughing, he started looking around. Steve and Nat hadn't went far, just casually picking up a few staples.

"What kind of fruit do you eat, James?"

"Anything but those things." He pointed at a display. "They're too sour."

"Some grapefruit are more sour than others. Why don't you pick out some fruit? I'll hold the bags for you."

He picked out a half dozen plums, some apples, a few oranges and a carton of mixed berries. I signaled for Steve to bring around the cart and piled the produce in. I heard him whisper to Steve as I did, "Is that really the price per pound? That's crazy - people pay that for apples?"

"Yup. And it's not negotiable, they just ring it up at the register," Steve replied, smiling at him.

"This is so strange! This place is huge! The butcher and the fishmonger are in this same place?"

"Yeah. They're all just different departments of the store."

Steve and James walked next to each other throughout the store, earning a look from Natasha. She studied them for a while as we walked behind them.

"So are they a thing now?" She gestured at Steve and James as they laughed at something together,

"Not yet – you want to tell them it's okay to be gay now? I don't think I'm old enough for the questions that conversation will raise." I grabbed a large jar of peanut butter and searched for the marshmallow fluff. I hadn't had a fluffernutter in a long time, and I was sure James and Steve never had.

"If you're old enough to have sex with both of them, you're old enough for that conversation. Besides, I'm pretty sure they're bi. James for sure, at least. Steve, too since I know he's totally into you."

"I suppose, when you put it that way. James used to be quite the ladies man back in the day, according to Steve." I walked up to put the jars in the cart and came back to Natasha, who continued the conversation that I had hoped she would drop.

"Or he was overcompensating. I just know I wouldn't want to miss out on that conversation."

"Okaaayy, still not starting it! James is moving in with Steve today, just so you know. I'm giving them my bed since Tony ordered me a different one; it's supposed to come today."

"Interesting," Natasha mused.

"What's Clint up to today?"

"He's working on his own project at the moment. He dropped me off today on his way out of town, so you're stuck with me for a while."

We turned down the baking aisle and I picked up one of almost everything. I knew Steve probably didn't even have salt and pepper at his place. I picked up a bunch of spices, too, just what I knew I used and Steve liked.

Nat threw a bottle of sriracha in, telling James that he'd like it on his eggs when he asked what it was. We then headed down the dairy aisles and I got milk, eggs, butter and cheese.

James looked at the milk for a long moment before turning to Steve, "Do I like milk?"

"Not particularly. I don't remember ever really seeing you drink it, now that I think about it. Not since when we were kids, at least."

"I've never see you drink just a glass of milk either, Steve." I said, looking at him curiously.

"It tastes funny now. Not like I think it should taste." He shrugged.

"That's because I drink skim." I pointed at another bottle. "Have you tried 2%?"

"What's the difference?"

"Skim milk has most of the fat removed out of it. It's a thinner consistency than 1% or 2%."

"I'll try it, then." Steve took a a small carton of 1% from the shelf and read the label. "I like to eat cereal sometimes."

I grabbed a small carton of 2% and put it in the cart. "Try this one too and let me know what you think, okay?"

"Sure, doll." Steve smiled at me and set his container in the cart also.

"If it'll make you happy, I'll give it a try." James said, looking skeptical. He looked at them both briefly before setting them back in the cart.

Finally, we made it all the way through the store. Nat filmed a couple videos of me and Steve teaching James things and we piled the cart full of groceries. Nat and Steve unloaded the cart onto the conveyor belt.

James watched the checkout process in fascination. "<What makes the belt move?>" he asked in French.

"<Sensors next to the scanner. When something blocks the connection, the belt stops,>" I replied. "<Why French?>"

"<Not many Americans know it.>"

"<True. Less remarkable than most other languages.>"

The checkout boy was looking at us with interest, so I smiled at him widely, causing him to freeze for a moment, staring at me. He looked like he was around my age, and I didn't usually try to do that to males on purpose, but this time I did so he wouldn't notice James' cybernetic hand playing with the belt, stopping and starting it.

"Sorry, my cousin was just telling me how different things are here from what he's used to."

"Oh. That was French, right?"

I nodded, waiting for him to continue. Nat was fighting laughter and keeping Steve from coming over to me with a hand on his arm.

"I thought so." He looked over at James and said, "Bonjour! Sorry, sir. That's all I know of French." James smiled and nodded, still watching what the boy was doing, moving things over the scanner and hitting keys on the register. The boy looked back at me with a smile. "Did you find everything today?"

"Yes, we did. We're only missing the kitchen sink right now," I said with a wry smile. The bagger snorted. I felt sorry for the kid to try to have to fit it all back in the cart, but he seemed competent.

"Do you go to Howard? You look familiar."

The cashier looked hopeful, so I figured I shouldn't encourage him any more than I already had, plus I was hoping he didn't recognize me from the tabloids that somehow always managed to run a new story, with pictures, of me and Steve every single week. Steve was giving me an amused look, which I ignored. The boy was almost done ringing up our load, the produce taking him a little longer while he looked for the number on the stickers to key the numbers in.

"No, Georgetown," I said, assuming he went to Howard.

"Oh. What are you majoring in?"

"Biochem and Computer Science."

"Wow. I never would have guessed that."

"I get that a lot." I swiped my credit card as he finished totaling it all up.

"That'll be $348.15."

The total made James' eyes widen considerably. I signed the pad and waited for my receipt as Steve and Nat headed to the car. James walked next to me, so I linked my arm with his. He was quiet all the way to to the car, just watching everything that was going on around him.

The groceries filled up my whole trunk and I tossed Steve my keys while I went to go park the cart. Natasha climbed in the passenger seat while James and I got in the back seat.

"What's wrong, James? Didn't you enjoy the grocery store?"

"I did like the store. Things have changed a lot from what I remember."

"What's really bothering you?"

It took a little while, but he finally answered.  "You don't need to spend so much on me, Sarah."

"It's okay, James. Really – you've met my Papi. He said if I don't start using the credit card he gave me he's going to start ordering stuff for me whether I need it or not – right Nat?"

"He's already started ordering you stuff, Sarah," said Natasha, looking back at us with an amused smile.

"I know. That's why I have a new bed coming today, Nat," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"But yeah – he wants her to spend his money, James. I know it sounds crazy, but that's Tony for you."

"I really don't need anything right now, so if I can help get you situated it's a win-win. You get what you need and it makes my Papi happy I'm using it - so you're really doing me a favor." I smiled at him, but he wasn't ready to give in yet. His Barnes stubborn streak was starting to show, so I was just going to have to either out-stubborn him like I would Jace or redirect him.

"My other dad, the one you met last week that I call Papi, is Tony Stark. You knew his dad, Howard Stark, back in the day."

"Howard had a kid?" James asked incredulously, looking at us for confirmation.

I nodded. "Yup. Steve can tell you more about Tony than I can; he's known him longer than I have. Anyway, you remember that Howard was rich, right?"

"Yeah. He was always building new things for us to use in the war."

"Well, Tony's pretty much always tinkering with his armor, but he's even richer."

"Oh." He still sounded a little confused, but he wasn't upset anymore. We were just pulling into my parking space at our apartment, so I dropped it for now.

With all four of us carrying bags, we made it up the three flights of stairs to our apartments. We took everything into Steve's and I figured I would just grab the couple of things that were for me as we put things away.

"I didn't think everything was going to fit," said Steve as he folded up the reusable bags I'd bought today. I perched on the counter next to him.

"Oh ye of little faith. There's still room left in some of your cupboards," I laughed as I pulled him over in front of me and put my arms around his neck, leaning my forehead on his. I wrapped my legs around him as he put his hands on my waist and kissed me gently, forgetting our audience until I heard Natasha shoving James into the living room. We shared a smile at his protests.

Steve huffed out a little laugh when we heard what sounded like punching, breaking the mood. "I'm going to go put stuff away in my bedroom before the delivery guys get here. Pepper said it would be around 1. Will you need to move stuff to make room for my old bed? You can come get it in a little bit."

He tucked my hair back behind my ears and thought for a minute. "Umm, yeah, I'm going to have to move things a bit. It's going to be tight, but they should both fit in there."

"Have Nat help you," I suggested. 

I kissed him again and unwound my legs from around him to hop down but Steve had pulled me tight to him, picking me up. I slid down the front of him, drawing a quiet groan from him. I patted his chest and he let me go after one more kiss. As I headed for the door, I heard him raise his voice before walking into the living room.

"Hey Nat, how do you think we should set up the beds? I can put the dresser between them if there's enough room."

 


	18. Moving Day

Sarah's POV

Warm lips on mine woke me up what seemed like minutes later. I forced my eyes open to see Steve leaning over me. "Good afternoon, sleeping beauty. Did you have a nice nap?" he asked, smiling at me and stroking my cheek. I stared into his clear cobalt eyes for a little longer, just taking in his handsome face.

"Hmm." I pulled him down for another kiss before realizing we weren't alone. "Nat, you better not be taking pictures!" I turned my head to glare at the redhead, who only laughed.

"Too late. You look adorable when you sleep all curled up like that."

"Nat!" I groaned.

"You going to lay there all day? We have things to do yet, you know," Natasha prodded.

I sat up slowly and stretched, feeling refreshed. "Hold your horses, already. I'm moving. Did you get the furniture set up how you wanted it?"

"Yup. Everything fit fine," Steve said. "We even made room in the closet and dresser for Bucky's things."

"If you'll hand me the basket, I'll put his things in it," I said, standing up and going over to the closet. It didn't take long to fill the laundry basket and Steve was carrying it back to his place, Natasha going with him. I continued to pull clothes out of the closet until I was sure I had gotten everything. James came in while I was emptying out the drawers I'd cleared out for his things two weeks ago. He stopped just inside the door, eyes wide as he looked around the room.

"Hey, James. I've just about got everything, I think. If I missed something – James, are you all right?" I asked, noticing his expression. I walked over to him and put my arms around him. "What's wrong?"

He didn't answer, just held me tight and buried his face in my hair. I didn't know what had brought this on, but I could feel his heart pounding rapidly, his breathing shallow and fast. I rubbed my hands up and down his back, waiting for him to get control again.

"James, honey, I need you to talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking, babe." I brought one hand up to touch his face, getting him to look at me. "Take a deep breath and talk to me, please." He did as I asked, eyes on mine. I could hear Nat and Steve coming back, but Nat knew to keep Steve back until I got James calmed down. This wasn't the first time this had happened, and it wouldn't be the last. "Please, James? Will you talk to me?"

"You're leaving me," he said quietly. "What did I do wrong?"

"I'm not leaving you, James." I stroked his face gently and he covered my hand with his own. "You'll be right next door and you've got keys to my place."

"Why can't I stay here with you? Like before?"

"James, we talked about this. You need to be with Steve, work on figuring out who you are – "

James kissed me suddenly, one hand tangled in my hair. I tried not to respond to him with limited success on that front. He pulled away when he knew I wasn't going to give in to him, sighing unhappily.

"Two weeks, James. You promised," I said, smiling slightly. "Besides, you're the one leaving me this time."

"Not willingly," he grumbled, but I knew the worst had passed.

"Are you ready to take the rest of your stuff over?" I asked him. "You can show me what you guys figured out."

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Good. Can Nat and Steve come in now?"

"Yeah," he said, letting go of me. Nat came in with the basket, Steve following her and pulling James into a tight hug, talking quietly in his ear. I watched as we loaded the basket with everything I'd laid out; Steve was taking this better than I thought he would for watching James kiss me.

"That was pretty intense," Natasha said, studying me. "You all right?"

"Yeah. I know he doesn't remember, but we've had this same conversation at least three times already. This was the worst he's taken it, though."

"That's because it's really happening," she said. "If you're ready, we'll take this over and they can follow when they're done talking."

"Sounds good. I'll follow you."

* *

It was almost midnight by the time I headed back to my own apartment after dropping Natasha off at her place. It was going to be weird sleeping alone, knowing both Steve and James were next door. I showered and got ready for bed, plugging in my phone before climbing into my incredibly comfortable huge bed. I didn't want to know what Tony had paid for it, but he'd been happy I'd liked his gift.

I felt like I'd just fallen deeply asleep when my phone rang. I reached for it, answering while bringing it to my ear. "Hello?"

"I need you, Sarah," Steve said. "I can't understand what Bucky's saying."

"I'm on my way." I raced out of my room, grabbing my keys to quickly let myself into Steve's apartment. I could hear James speaking Russian and sounding agitated.

"<Target status?>" he said to me as I walked into the bedroom.

He held a gun in his human hand, pointing it at Steve. I made myself stand taller, hardened my voice, and surreptitiously hit record on my phone, another quick tap running a translation app I'd created as soon as I knew that James defaulted to Russian – because Steve didn't speak it. It would transcribe a copy in English and send it to Steve's phone so he'd know what was going on. I hadn't shown him how to run it yet because I'd stupidly thought that he wouldn't need it. I approached James, setting my phone on the dresser behind me.

"<Why do you hold a gun to him?>

"<This handler would not respond properly.>"

"<This handler is your shadow, you were to continue his training. Holster your weapon and give your mission report, Soldier.>"

"<Yes, Comrade.>"

He lowered the gun from Steve and tucked it away, standing at attention before addressing me. I watched Steve from the corner of my eye as he picked up his phone, reading the text as it appeared.

"<Target was sighted 3 kliks from the drop zone.>" He went on to tell me the details of a mission Steve had been on the month before I'd found James in Kiev – but from James' point of view. Every problem that Steve had come up against on that mission had been from Bucky – from Hydra. Finally he stopped speaking so I said the only thing I could to defuse him.

"<Good work, Soldier; get some sleep.>"

James promptly laid down on the bed and closed his eyes, falling asleep quickly. I looked over at Steve, finally relaxing the rigid posture I'd maintained during my act. He stared at me, eyes wide.

"He's asleep," I said quietly, still not moving. I'll admit I was a little shaken by what I'd heard. Steve took two steps and pulled me into his arms.

"Has he ever done that before?"

"Only last night, but I couldn't get much out of him. I don't know if he didn't remember or if I didn't ask the right questions."

"Please tell me he hasn't threatened you in his sleep."

"He's never done that – not once in the past two weeks – when he slept in the same bed as me, Steve. Last night was the first time he'd slept alone since he found me here in DC."

"So it's only when he sleeps alone?"

"That seems to be the case," I said slowly. "If tonight and last night are any indication."

"Then he won't be alone," Steve said, kissing my forehead. "Not if I can do anything about it."

"No, he won't be." We looked over as James started moving restlessly again. "But until you learn Russian, you can't be either. Not at night and not until we can figure out a way to snap him out of it."

"You're right, doll. Thank you for helping him."

"I only wish it didn't have to be like this. He won't remember any of this in the morning, you know."

"I know."

"I'm going to stay with him tonight. We'll figure out something in the morning, okay?"

"Okay," he said, kissing me lightly before letting go of me.

I walked over and carefully climbed into bed with James, worming myself into his arms, which tightened around me, pulling me tight. He settled down within a minute, falling into the deep sleep I normally saw from him.

 

*               *                  *

James POV

I woke up feeling a little disorientated. I'd went to bed alone, but there was now a sleeping woman in my arms. By my next breath, I knew it was Peggy, so I relaxed, curling up around her and simply watching her sleep. I'd missed having her lying next to me more than I'd realized. It wasn't long before she woke up, blinking slowly as her eyes focused on me and she gave me a sleepy smile.

"Morning, doll. When did you get here?"

"Morning, James," she said quietly. "Sometime after midnight. One, maybe. Did you sleep well?"

"Better with you here. I feel like I actually slept last night."

"You had a nightmare, but Steve didn't know what to do since you were speaking Russian. Why do suppose you tend to default to that? You were born here in the US, you know."

"I couldn't tell you. I don't know why I revert back to it; just feels _normal_ , I guess."

"I suppose after almost 70 years it would. Do you remember anything from your dream?"

I thought for a moment, moving my hand up to her face to push her wild hair back. "Did I hurt you?"

"Not me, no. You did point a gun at Steve to tell me that he wasn't acting like your normal handlers."

"I'm so sorry, Peggy. I don't remember doing that. Was I awake?"

"I'm Sarah, James." She held my eyes until I nodded, accepting that she was who she said she was. "I'm not entirely sure. Your eyes were open and you talked to me for a little while. It was you – but it wasn't. If I had to speculate, I was definitely talking to the Soldier, not James."

"Did I hurt anyone while the Soldier was in control?"

"No, do you want to see what you said?"

"What do you mean?"

"I created an app for our phones that can record, translate and send a conversation to another phone. Since Steve doesn't speak Russian, it'll translate for him in real time."

She reached over and grabbed her phone off the nightstand, tapping at it a couple times before handing it to me. I started reading – and then I started remembering. It was strange, though. It was like I was watching a movie, not a memory. I sat up and looked over at her in horror.

"I said this? I did these things?"

She nodded, her eyes serious. "You said you did." She exhaled loudly. "Do you know the target you were talking about – who it is?"

I nodded before looking over at the sleeping blond in the other bed. "Yeah, I do now; it's Steve, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I read his mission report and none of us knew why he was having such a rough time on that mission, but I do now. The Soldier was sent after him when you didn't know who he was."

"Hydra knew, and they sent me to kill him. He was my mission."

"Because of who he is or because he's in their way?" she asked.

"Both."

"Do you still want to kill him?"

"No. I don't do that anymore," I said, shaking my head.

"Can you fight your programming, James?"

"I don't know, but I have to try. He's not safe around me when I'm sleeping. Not if the Soldier takes over then."

"Why haven't we seen the Soldier until now?" she asked, taking the phone back and setting it on the nightstand.

I shook my head and pulled her into my arms. "I don't know. I usually sleep with you – at least I have since I found you again. Maybe the Soldier doesn't like you."

She smiled widely at my joke. "Maybe. Do you want to help me make breakfast since we're both awake?"

"Sure. We've got bacon, right?"

"Yes, I got you plenty of bacon. Pancakes or french toast today?"

 

*     *            *

Sarah's POV

We got up and went into the kitchen, getting things out to make breakfast. I showed James how to run the little griddle I'd bought Steve a while back and let him make the french toast, just reminding him of little things, like adding cinnamon and vanilla to the batter. I put the bacon in the oven – it was the least smelly way to make it and I didn't want to smell like bacon grease until I went back to my place to shower.

James decided that he was going to make eggs on the griddle today, too, so we talked through how that would work. He did better than I thought, only a little uncooked egg making it onto the counter. I flipped the bacon while he watched the eggs and then told him I was going to go wake Steve up so we could eat.

I walked back into the bedroom to see that Steve was awake. "Sorry, we weren't as quiet as I thought we were."

He smiled up at me, sitting up in bed. "I haven't been awake for long. I was just rereading the text from last night."

"You okay?" I asked, sitting down beside him. He put his phone down and pulled me into his arms.

"Yeah. I'm not used to feeling helpless, Sarah. He didn't know me, I couldn't understand him – and I thought that I'd know what to do, but I didn't. I froze."

"It's okay, Steve. This has been a big change for both of you and how he acts towards me probably doesn't help. I've told him he's not supposed to kiss me, but he either forgets or ignores that order."

"It was a little weird to walk in yesterday and see my best friend kissing my girl. Nat said he does that a lot, kisses you."

"Yeah, almost as much as he still calls me Peggy. I'm not convinced he always knows who I am when he kisses me. Are you mad at him?"

"No, how could I be? He's still my best friend and I'm happy to have him back."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, you aren't encouraging him; he just thinks you're someone else, doll."

I sighed. "I thought this was going to get easier once you got back, but I guess I was wrong. Are you ready to come eat? Breakfast's almost ready."

"Yeah, as soon as I get a proper good morning from you." He gave me a lazy grin and I hopped on him, pushing him down and holding his arms over his head, kissing him soundly.

"Good morning, Captain Rogers," I teased, kissing down his neck. "Sorry we don't have time for an early morning romp or I'd have you begging for mercy."

"Is that right, Agent Evans?" he said as he flipped us quickly, but we got tangled in the covers and slid off the bed, hitting the floor loudly. James came in to find us laying on the floor, laughing at how trapped we were in the covers.

"The bed tried to eat us," I told James, bursting into laughter again. He reached down and pulled me free, setting me on my feet like I didn't weigh any more than a feather.

"I see that. Morning, Steve." He held a hand out to Steve, pulling him to his feet almost as effortlessly as he'd moved me. Steve pulled James into a tight hug, clapping him on the back.

"Morning, Bucky. Smells good – thanks for making breakfast."


	19. Halloween

Halloween 2012  
James' POV

I looked down at the outfit on my bed, trying to decide if I was really going to wear it or not. We'd been invited to a Halloween party at Stark Tower in New York, and Sarah had asked me to come with her. Steve would be meeting us there since he was currently on a mission again with Clint and Natalia.

I picked up my phone and called Sarah. "Tell me again why I have to wear this."

"Because it's a costume party and you can't go as the Winter Soldier. What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing. When are you coming to get me?"

"As soon as I'm dressed, so put the outfit on already, James!"

"Fine, doll. But only for you, okay?" I said, sighing.

"I'll be over in a few, so _get ready_!"

The line went dead, so I tossed the phone on my bed and started putting on a uniform I knew I'd worn before after seeing the photos at the museum. I don't know how she'd managed it, but this was an exact copy of the Sargeant uniform I wore back during the war. I heard a little metallic clink by my feet as I picked up the shirt and looked down to see a small pile of metal on the floor.

Confused, I picked it up and looked at it; they were my dog tags, I realized. I read the embossed words, a smile starting to form on my lips. My name, rank, number, everything I tended to forget. My smaller tag had Steve's name and information, a welcome surprise. I put the chain over my neck and tucked it under the white t-shirt I was wearing under the thin dress shirt. The cool metal against my skin was a welcome feel for once, a memory I could hold on to.

Shaking my head, I quickly finished getting dressed, putting on my hat just as I heard Sarah knock before letting herself in. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. It was Peggy – my Peggy, in that red dress from my memory, hair curled the way she always wore it. I know my jaw dropped as my eyes slid over her, taking in the red lips, painted nails and matching heels.

"You look great, Bucky!" I wasn't prepared to hear Peggy's voice, either; the British accent finished off the transformation.

"Peggy? You look like a million bucks!" I walked over to her, taking her hand in mine. My eyes drank her in; I'd never expected to get to see Peggy like this again.

"What do you think? I wasn't sure I should wear this –"

"You look perfect, doll," I cut her off before she could talk herself out of it. "Just like I always remembered." I gave her a grin as she blushed.

"You're okay with me looking like this? If it bothers you, I'll put on the other costume I brought with."

"I'm more than okay with you lookin' like that, doll. Come here." I pulled her into my arms and held her tight, breathing in Peggy's familiar perfume, so unlike what Sarah usually wore. "You even smell like her."

"I went all out for this, Bucky." She let me hold her for a long moment before looking up at me. "We need to go meet the others; I've arranged for some dancing music later on. Will you dance with me then?"

"I'm not leaving your side tonight, Peggy," I said firmly.

I wasn't going to miss a single moment of my time with her if I didn't have to. Natalia had told me about this, thinking that it wouldn't be good to surprise me. She'd explained that after tonight, I needed to let Peggy go so I could live my live with Steve and Sarah. This was my chance to say goodbye - the right way.

Peggy adjusted the pins on my lapels and stepped back to look at me critically. "You're all set, Bucky."

"Let's go then. I can't promise to keep my hands off you much longer if we stay in here." I leaned down to kiss her, hoping she'd let me but knowing she probably wouldn't.

She held up a hand. "I'm wearing lipstick, Bucky! You can't mess up my makeup right now!" She stepped back from me and changed the subject. "Wait until you see Nat's costume. You might change your mind about sticking next to me." She smiled up at me as I held out my arm for her to take, tucking her small hand into the crook of my elbow and covering it with my own.

"Not a chance! You can't get rid of me that easily. I like the arm, by the way. Thanks for getting it to work for me."

After several tries, she'd managed to make her design to work, fitting my arm with a chip that allowed it to look like human flesh instead of the reticulated, cybernetic metal it was. It was still strange for me to not see the gleam of metal when I looked at it, but it was nice to blend in. We knew Hydra was still looking for me and my arm made it easier to spot me from a distance.

"You're welcome! I haven't tested it out for combat yet, but it'll work for this kind of stuff."

We headed down the hallway to where we were supposed to meet the others. Bruce was there already, dressed like he normally did. His jaw dropped when we walked in, much to my amusement.

"I didn't know cleaning up nice would make you speechless, Doc," I snickered.

"You do look very nice in that uniform, James," He said, giving us both a once over.

"Call me Bucky tonight, will ya?"

 

*                    *               *

Sarah's POV

"Yes, you are Bucky tonight, aren't you?" Bruce said as he turned to me and shook his head slightly. "Sarah, you really do look like Peggy, especially dressed like that." He lowered his voice as he put his hand on my arm. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

I wasn't entirely sure, but James reaction to me had made it worth it. "We'll see, Bruce. I think it's time someone finally got that dance they missed out on almost 70 years ago, don't you?"

He nodded his head slightly. "Are they back yet?"

"Any time now. J – let me know the minute Steve gets here. He's to go straight up and get changed, all right?"

 _I will do my best, Sarah. Their current ETA is 30 minutes_ , Jarvis said over my earpiece.    

"Thanks, J. I couldn't do this without you."

"Hey guys, glad you're ready for the party," Tony said as walked into the room, a drink in his hand, wearing a very well made pin-striped zoot suit. "Well, most of you," he smirked. "Bruce, where's your costume?"

"This is my costume, Tony! I'm a mad scientist."

"You forgot, didn't you? This is a 40's party."

"I did not forget – I couldn't think of anyone to be."

"Papi, leave Bruce alone. He's a great mad scientist." I went over to Tony and watched him give me a once over. "What do you think? Am I Peggy?"

His eyes twinkled. "I think you even sound like Aunt Peggy. She used to tell me stories when I was a kid, you know?"

"I did know." I said with a smile. "Did I get the voice right?"

"Yeah, it's perfect, kitten. I can't wait to see Capsicle's face when he sees you tonight. Jarvis is filming  it for me."

"What do you think of Bucky's getup?"

"I knew he was Bucky before, but this – this is something else, I tell you. What did he say about you new look?" Tony quirked an eyebrow at me.

"He liked it." I said honestly. "I was hoping it would help him be able to tell the difference between us."

"I don't know about that, but if you weren't taken, he'd be all over you. Have you seen how he looks at you?"

I sighed. "I know. I think I need a drink." I took Tony's and finished it, setting the glass on the table. "Where's Pepper?"

"On her way here from Paris," Tony said. "She should be landing any time now, so she'll be here by the time the party starts. Mario has a light supper set up for us in the private dining room, so lets go eat before the guests arrive."

*    *

 _Sarah, Captain Rogers has just arrived,_ Jarvis said over my earpiece.

I looked around the crowded room. "Perfect. Can you have him go to his room? His suit is on the bed; let me know when he's almost to the dance floor so I can meet him."  

_Certainly. I will direct him down the back way so he doesn't get side tracked by anyone._

"You're a peach, Jarvis."

I turned back to the conversation I was having with Bucky, Sam and Bruce until Jarvis let me know Steve was on his way down. I leaned over to talk quietly to Bucky, who was laughing at something Bruce had said. "I'll be back in a little bit, okay? There's something I need to do."

He looked down at me and pulled me tight, giving me a light kiss on my forehead. "Hurry back, doll."

Sam gave me a look and I knew we'd be having a conversation later about that. I flashed him a smile and shook my head slightly, mouthing _later_ to him.

 

*          *             *

Steve's POV

I followed Jarvis' cryptic directions, going through a door I'd never even knew existed to find myself at the Halloween party. A quick look showed that everyone was dressed in 40's attire with varying degrees of authenticity. My old uniform made sense now, as it fit into this time period perfectly. I was amazed to find that it still fit as well as the last time I'd worn it – mere days before I'd crashed that bomb laden plane into the Arctic ice.

I enjoyed the brief moment to myself, no strangers wanting pictures or autographs for once. As my eyes roamed the room, they became fixed on a familiar figure in a red dress. My breath caught in my chest, my hear beating harder than ever as she strode towards me, a smile on her red lips. Even in heels, she always walked like she meant business. My head knew that it was my beautiful girlfriend dressed as my old flame, Peggy Carter; my heart, well, that was a different story.

Jarvis changed the music to one of my favorite big band songs as she reached me, stopping inches from me, and her perfume wafted over me, triggering a different memory. I closed my eyes for a moment, filing that away to consider later because I didn't want to miss anything right now. I opened them, seeing Peggy smiling at me and holding out her hand to me.

"I believe this is my dance, Captain," Peggy said in her crisp British voice. The feelings sweeping through me were so intense I had to blink rapidly to clear my eyes, but I didn't hesitate to take her hand, twirling her before pulling her close. I hadn't understood until now what her getup had meant, but I did now.

"I do believe you're right, Peggy. Sorry I'm late," I said, swallowing hard as I repressed that memory. "I had some problems with my ride."

"Better late than never, darling." She smiled up at me, and I saw the hidden emotion on her face as I realized that I'd finally kept my last promise to Peggy in the only way I could. The real Peggy Carter was far too fragile for me to hold like this anymore.

We didn't talk as I led her through the steps she'd taught me, holding her beautiful eyes with mine. We didn't need to talk, our eyes were saying everything that words couldn't. The music drew to a close and I leaned down to give her a kiss, time standing still for a long moment until the room broke out in applause, reminding me we weren't alone.

"Love you," I whispered as we separated, stroking her face lightly.

"Love you more," she replied with a smile, then dropping the accent momentarily said, "I'm wearing real heels for you."

I laughed and kissed her again, knowing how she felt about heels. "You look very nice, Sarah. I don't know how you managed to pull this one off, but you even smell like Peggy."

"I had a little help from her. She thought it would be a good idea for you to finally get your dance with her, but I've got one more surprise for you," Sarah said. "Close your eyes for a moment."

I quirked a brow at her but did what she asked, keeping them closed even when I heard her giggle.

"You can open your eyes now, Steve," she said quietly.

My eyes opened slowly, focusing on the man before me, a handsome brunet in a similar uniform to mine, his hat at a jaunty angle on his chestnut locks. His cerulean eyes sparkled with amusement, clearly in on this surprise. A wide smile stretched across my face and I pulled Bucky into a tight hug.

"You look great, Bucky!" I eventually released him to hold him by the shoulders, just looking at him for a moment, taking in the whole outfit and seeing someone I thought I'd never see again.

"So do you," Bucky said with a crooked grin. "Never thought I'd see you wearing that getup again, Steve."

"Me either. I thought you weren't going to dress up tonight?"

I knew Bucky hadn't exactly been thrilled to have to dress up; I'd heard him complain more than once about Sarah's Halloween plans over the past week, but I hadn't known what they were until tonight – she said she had it all covered for us since I was going to be coming in from a mission.

Bucky looked over and met my eyes, his grin widening. "Someone twisted my arm and promised me a dance. Mind if I cut in?"

The music started again, another slow song. He held out a hand to Sarah, giving her his best Bucky grin. For once in my life, I wanted to be selfish and keep her all to myself, but I didn't. I stepped aside, letting him pull her into his arms.

I forced a laugh. "You always were a sucker for a pretty girl, Buck."

"And you have excellent taste, Steve." Bucky said, clapping me on the shoulder firmly. "Don't worry, I won't keep her for long."

Natasha came up and joined us then, wearing a very daring 40's style dress. I felt myself blushing as I took in her outfit, looking away quickly when I realized my height gave me an almost indecent view of her décolletage.

"You clean up good, Rogers." Natasha said as she gave me a deliberate once over, laughing at my flushed cheeks. "This dance is mine. If you step on my toes, I'll break yours." She took my hand and pulled me into position for the song, not even giving me a chance to process that statement.

"Natasha –"

 

*          *             *

Sarah's POV

I laughed as I turned to Bucky, putting my hand on his shoulder as he enveloped my other one in his metal one, moving easily with the music. "She won't really break his toes, will she?"

He quirked a brow at me. "Hard saying, but Natalia doesn't make empty threats, doll."

"No she doesn't. What do you think, Bucky?"

"You did good, even if I did have to wear a monkey suit." He paused for a moment before meeting my eyes. "I remember him looking like that now."

I felt relieved that this was working better than I thought it would. His muscles were relaxed under my hand and he was even smiling. "Do you remember yourself looking like this?"

He nodded as his grin widened. "Yeah, I do now. I didn't have to wear this a lot, though. I usually wore my regular uniform, like the one we saw in the museum."

"This is more of a dress up occasion tonight, Bucky. Thank you for playing along with this. You're a surprisingly good dancer, by the way."

"You ain't seen nothing yet, doll. Do you know how to swing dance?"

"Yup. I learned all the dances from your time so I could teach Steve. He said you tried teaching him back before they gave them the serum."

Bucky laughed. "I did! Punk never could figure any of them out. He's doing pretty good tonight, though." We glanced over to see how Steve was faring, smiling when we saw how well he was doing with Natasha. I looked back at Bucky when he squeezed my hand lightly. "Thank you for making me come; I didn't think I was going to enjoy this."

"Socializing or dancing?" I was sure that he was enjoying the dancing, as easy as he made it look.

He smiled wryly. "Socializing. I'm not much of a people person anymore, but I know I used to be. Wearing this makes it easier, though. I almost feel like my old self tonight."

"It's been great seeing you come out of your shell with the team. We're all glad you're here."

"It was worth it to see the look on Steve's face when he saw me," he said, eyes twinkling as his grin grew.

I grinned back as we came to a stop when the music ended. "It certainly was priceless. Did you like the dog tags?"

He pulled me in for a hug, burying his face in my hair and kissing my cheek. "Love 'em, doll. I didn't know I was missing 'em until today, but I know I used to have them – ever since training."

Tony came up to us then, annoyance in his voice. "You can unhand my girl now, Barnes; this dance is mine."

Bucky held me tighter, and I heard the smile in his voice. "Nope, find your own girl, Stark."

I patted his chest. "Bucky, Nat's on her way over here for her dance with you, so you might as well let go of me." His arms loosened and I stepped back just as Nat came over.

"<You look good tonight, James,>" she murmured in Russian to him as I stepped over to Tony.

"How did it look?" I asked him, searching his face.

He smiled proudly. "I thought you were going to make Cap cry, kitten. He's dancing with Pepper now." We looked over to see Steve leading Pepper through the steps, looking more at ease than before. "She said she wasn't going to miss her chance since he was already on the dance floor."

I looked around to see that the floor had filled up during the last set. "Good call. Looks like everyone is enjoying themselves. Is Clint a gangster?"

"Yup. Who'd have thought a '40's Halloween party would be this awesome?"

"I did," I said with a grin. "It's better than the theme you wanted Tony – come on, Star Wars? Everyone is doing that this weekend!"

"Maybe next year. I think I'd make a great Hans Solo."

I rolled my eyes, making him laugh. "I'm going to go get my dances with Bruce and Clint before they decide they've had enough."

 

*                *                           *

Bucky's POV

Natalia certainly looked beautiful tonight, her sleek red curls set into an intricate updo, revealing her smooth white shoulders and neck. Her dress was much more daring than Peggy's, but she pulled it off well, confident in her looks. We danced well together, but somehow I knew we always had.

"<You look very beautiful, Natalia.>" I said in Russian, not wanting to be understood by those around us. "<Are you enjoying the party?>"

"<I am now. I forgot how well you danced.>"

"<So did I. You, as always, dance beautifully.>" I twirled her easily, pulling her tight when she came back into my arms. "<My little red ballerina.>" My hand rested at the very top of her dress in the back and ran my finger under the edge before I put it back where it belonged.

"<Behave, James,>" she said with a saucy grin. "<We are being watched at the moment.>"

"<Let them watch; our dancing has always attracted attention, has it not?>"

"<It has, but you in your uniform makes them watch even more. You look quite dashing in it; I can't wait until later to take it off of you.>" Her voice lowered to a purr, and I smiled appreciatively as her eyes teased me and she licked her lips.

"<Is that a promise, Natalia? I've yet to see you naked in this time.>"

She laughed lightly, running her hands over my arms as we moved together. "<It's not my fault you've been so eager we haven't taken the time to savor each other, but that can be arranged.>"

I moved to kiss her, but she turned at the last second so that I only kissed her cheek, making me growl quietly at her.

Natasha laughed and twirled around me, lowering her voice when she spoke into my ear. "<If you kiss me now, James, you'll be wearing my lipstick for the rest of the night. A certain brunette won't kiss you then if she sees it.>"

"<I know I shouldn't want her, Natalia, but I do – even more than before. Jace was right.>"

"<About what?>"

"<That two weeks with her weren't going to be enough for me.>"

She laughed lightly, "<It's amusing to see you dance to her tune, James. You never used to wear your heart on your sleeve.>"

"<I could say the same for you and the archer. He is a good man for you.>"

"<He is; but that was after I lost you.>"

"<I'm not the same man I was then, Tsarina,>" I said quietly as the music ended, using a title I only now remembered. "Then, I would have killed him for the way he looks at you." I held her at arms length, considering her. "Now, I only see what has grown in my absence." I smiled slightly. "Go to him."

"And what about you?"

"I see another redhead making her way over here. Go, Tsarina. I will see you later." With a last searching look, she turned and made her way to Clint, who brightened as she approached him. I smiled at Pepper as she came over to me. "May I have this dance, Miss Potts?" I held out my hand to her as the next song started, making her laugh as I kissed her fingers.

"Of course, James. Or should I call you Bucky tonight?" She smiled when I nodded, her blue eyes dancing. She set her free hand on my shoulder as the music started. "You look quite dashing in your uniform. Sorry I was late getting here; my flight was delayed leaving Paris."

"Comment était la France? (How was France)?" I asked her.

"<I didn't know you spoke French!>" Pepper said with a grin, replying in kind. "<The same as always, crowded and full of interesting smells. I brought back some pastries with me from Sarah's favorite bakery. I'd never heard of it, but she was right about that place.>"

"<She usually is, Miss Potts.>"

"Call me Pepper, Bucky." She said, switching back to English. "Enough about me, though. I saw your dance with her, Bucky. You love her, don't you?"

"Was it that obvious?"

"Does Steve know how you feel about her?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I can't say we've had that conversation yet." Her response was a look that I had no trouble interpreting. "You disapprove?"

She tipped her head as she studied me. "I would have to say I'm undecided, but only because I don't know you very well yet."

"Fair enough," I inclined my head to her as the music ended. "Thank you for the dance, Pepper. You are quite graceful."

She squeezed my hand lightly. "And you are quite the charmer, Bucky."

"Shh, that's a secret!" I said with a grin. "You're going to tarnish my bad reputation if people hear you saying nice things about me. I think I'm going to go get a drink."

I headed for the bar for another vodka, determined to not think of Peggy for a little while. The bartender saw me coming and had my glass ready for me. I nodded my thanks and he smiled slightly before moving on to the next person. Tony had told them what I liked and made sure they would just have it ready for me when I asked. The alcohol helped me not panic at the amount of people around me. No one here thought I was the real Bucky, which made things easier. Over the past week, I saw they way they stopped Steve and asked him questions all the time, wanting pictures with him. I finished my drink to see that there was another one there for me already.

"Here you are, Bucky! I've been looking all over for you." Peggy said as she slipped her arm through mine.

"You miss me, doll?"

"It took me a while to realize you weren't where I thought you were." She looked over at the bartender. "I'll have what he's having and keep them coming." She put a large bill in the tip jar, giving him a smile.

The bartender smile back, nodding. "Right-o miss."

I snickered quietly, bumping her with my elbow. "I thought you had to be 21 to drink now?"

"I would if this wasn't Tony's party. You really think he wouldn't let me drink?"

"You've got a point there, I guess." We drank our vodka quickly, full glasses awaiting us on the counter.

"Are you having a good time, Bucky?" she asked, looking over the top of her glass at me, her golden brown eyes holding mine.

"I am now," I said, raising my glass to her. "Where's Steve?"

"Still dancing," she said with a grin. "I told Maria she'd better get her turn before he decided he was done."

I looked over at the dance floor and I could see his blond head slightly higher than all the others. I couldn't see Maria through the crowd, but I figured she was probably right. Sarah finished her drink and reached for the next one, considering me as she sipped it.

"What are you thinking?"

"A lot of things."

"Good or bad?"

"Good. You look happy tonight, Bucky."

"So do you, but you're usually happy, Sarah."

"I'm Peggy tonight, Bucky. Sarah's got the night off." She finished her drink and reached for another one.

I smiled wryly. "Peggy didn't drink vodka, doll. She preferred Bourbon."

"Nasty stuff. I really like my vodka; Nat has given me an appreciation for it."

"And it gets you drunk faster."

"There is that. I'm going for mellow, but I wouldn't mind buzzing."

"I don't think I thanked you earlier," I said reaching for my next glass.

"For what?"

I touched my chest where my dog tags rested under my shirt. "These. How did you know I'd like them?"

"It was more a matter of why did you keep reaching for something that wasn't there. Whenever you were anxious, you'd reach for that spot. It took me a while to realize why, so then I talked to Steve, and he said you used to do that back then, too."

"I did?"

She nodded. "I'm glad you like them. They're the same as then, you know. Steve's always been your contact."

I didn't know what to say to that. I remembered him a little more every day, but there were still times when I didn't know who he was. I took a drink, finishing it off and setting it on the bar with a clink. I looked over at her and gave her a grin. "So do I get another dance with you tonight, doll?"

"Sure. Ready?" She finished her drink and set her glass down, taking my hand in her small one. I laced my fingers with hers, smiling as she pulled me along. The next song was just starting up, a slow one that would allow me to hold her close. I twirled her before pulling her into my arms, breathing in her perfume and feeling her heartbeat through my hand on her back. I closed my eyes, fixing this memory in my mind, replacing my previous memory of Peggy and the red dress. This one was much more to my liking anyway.

 

*           *           *

Steve's POV

I watched Bucky dancing with Sarah again from the other side of the dance floor, holding her just a shade closer then necessary and smiling down at her in a way that made my chest ache. I wasn't blind, and after having my eyes opened to things I'd missed seeing in the past; I was painfully aware of the way Bucky looked at her – like she was the love of his life. Thankfully, Natasha had said she'd make sure he was occupied tonight, so we could be alone for the first time in a week.

I smiled at Helen Cho as the song ended, and thanked her for the dance. I let go of her and quickly moved towards Bucky and Sarah before anyone else could ask me to dance. This time was still so strange - I wasn't used to women asking me to dance! I reached them before they'd even separated, putting my arms around the both of them. Sarah smiled, turning into me and putting her arm around my waist, closing off the small circle we made and putting my overactive mind at rest.

"Hey Steve," Bucky said, grinning at me like I was his favorite person, melting some of the coldness from my chest. "I thought you were still dancing."

"I was, I just wanted to find you both before anyone else cornered me. I already danced with all the women I wouldn't dream of passing up – Pepper, Maria, Helen –"

"Darcy too?" Sarah asked, grinning at me.

"Darcy too," I confirmed, knowing she'd probably heard from Darcy already. "At least it was a slow song, but I'm not sure which of us was more relieved the dance was over, me or her." She laughed, but I wasn't kidding. I didn't quite know what to think of her eclectic, outspoken friend a lot of the time.

"You made her night, though. I'm going to hear about it for weeks, babe."

"Better you than me. Besides, you two looked like you were having too much fun." I clapped Bucky on the back as they both laughed.

"You can never have too much fun. There's even a country song about that," Sarah said, grinning.

"I'll take your word on that, doll," I said with a smile. "Can I steal Bucky from you for a while?"

"He's your best friend. Steal away."

"And you're my best girl," I countered, leaning down to give her a quick kiss. "Clint was asking for you, by the way."

"I'd better go see what he wants, then." She reached up to wipe the lipstick mark off my face. "I'll find you both later."

"I'll look forward to it," I said as I steered Bucky to the balcony door, needing a little time to cool off so I didn't act like a jealous fool towards my best friend. Even though I knew that it wasn't the case and as much as I loved my best friend, I was still afraid that he'd take my girl from me.

 

*                 *                  *

Bucky's POV

Steve kept his arm around my shoulder as we headed for the balcony. It was cool outside, but not overly cold. It felt good after the being in the crowd inside. I took a deep breath, clearing my lungs.

"Thanks for getting me out of there. I don't know how you do it, being surrounded by people all the time," I said, shaking my head. We leaned on the railing, side by side, shoulders touching as we looked over the city. I had to admit, Stark had a great view here.

"I don't like this kind of stuff all the time," he said, smiling at me. "I like having time with you and Sarah, sometimes hanging out with the team. You looked like you needed a break from the noise."

"I did. I'm still not used to this kind of thing."

"Me either, pal. I'm sorry I haven't been able to spend much time with you tonight. You doing okay?"

"Yeah. I've got something to show you," I said, loosening my tie so I could unbutton my dress shirt. I pulled out the dog tags so he could see them. "Sarah gave them to me tonight."

He turned them over in his hand, reading the embossed metal before smiling at me. "I still have mine, too." He let the metal fall onto my chest, reaching up to work at his own tie and shirt before pulling a thin metal chain out from under his shirt. I moved closer to him to read them, the metal still warm from his skin.

"I gave you my contact tags?" I asked, looking up at him and letting go of the metal.

Steve nodded slowly. "You did, in '43 after I found you in Azzano and we made it back to camp. You were pretty sick for a while from how poorly they'd treated you, so you stayed in my tent until you were cleared for duty. I looked after you for a change." His smile turned wistful. "I was so happy to get you back I swore I'd never let you out of my sight again."

I shook my head, leaning on the railing next to him again. None of that sounded familiar, but when it came to Steve, I had to work a little harder to piece together my memories. I filed that away to think about later.

"That wasn't how it always was, was it? You looking after me?"

"No, until they gave me the serum, I was the 95 pound weakling you remember best. You always used to take care of me, pal." He clapped me on the back, leaving his arm there for a moment. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," I said, waiting for him to meet my eyes.

"You're not planning on trying to take my girl from me, are you, Bucky?" His cobalt depths were so full of anguish it took my breath away and it took me a moment to process his words.

I shook my head, holding his eyes. "No, I'm not. I loved Peggy, but she'd have been better off with you. I know Sarah looks and smells like Peggy tonight, but this," I gestured to the party inside. "This is so we can finally say goodbye to the past, to the Peggy we left behind."

"You mean this whole thing – the party, the costumes, our old suits?" Steve leaned heavily on the railing, his hands leaving an imprint in the metal, he was holding on so tightly. He was taking this a lot better than I had when Sarah and Natasha had told me about this the other day after we'd visited the real Peggy again.

"The dress - all of that. Yes," I said, smiling sadly. "After tonight, Steve, we have to move forward and start living our lives again. We've lost so much time, pal." I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. I knew it was up to me to tell him, but actually _saying_ it somehow made it even more real.

"Yeah, we have," he agreed. "Buck, she's not... she's not really _leaving_ us, is she?" His voice cracked, and I saw the tears on his cheeks when he finally looked over at me, measuring my response.

"God, Stevie – no!" I turned into him, putting my arms around him for a hug, murmuring in his ear. "I made her promise me she wouldn't."

Steve exhaled sharply, his arms winding around me, holding me tight. I felt his warm breath on my cheek as I tucked my face into his neck. We stayed that way for a long time, his cologne grounding me while he worked on calming himself. I sighed when he kissed my cheek and reluctantly started to pull away from me.

"She's right, Buck. We need to move on, just like the rest of the world did while we were frozen."

"Yeah, I know we need to, but I don't want to," I said, breathing heavily. "Not without you, Steve – and no way in hell can I do this without _her_."

Sarah was the best thing to happen to me in this time. Unlike Steve and Natalia, she didn't expect me to be anyone other than who I was now. She didn't miss the man I used to be because she'd never known that man.  Steve pulled me in for another bone creaking hug, one hand rubbing the nape of my neck.

"We're here, Bucky. I'm not going anywhere, and I know she's not either. I've always said I'm with you til the end of the line, pal."

I snorted, not expecting to hear him say that just now but still needing to hear it. "Yeah, you have. I know this isn't it, but it still hurts." I put my hand over his heart, pushing at his chest. "Right here - so bad I can't hardly breathe."

Steve exhaled loudly. "I think that's to remind us that we're still alive. It gets better, Buck. Some days I don't even think about the past at all anymore since Sarah came into my life and you came back."

I lifted my head up to rest my forehead on his. "I just wish I could remember everything - or at least some of the good things."

"I know. I wish you could, too." Steve released his tight grip on me, giving me a weak smile. "We need to go back in now, Buck. It's getting colder and they're going to come looking for us soon."

"Are you _sure_ we have to go back?" I asked, looking out over the city.

Steve's phone started to ring. He pulled it out and glanced at it before answering. "We're okay. We're on our way back in now, doll."

I tucked my dog tags back under my shirt and straightened up my tie. "Guess we're being summoned?"

"Yup. She was watching to make sure we were all right. Ready?"

"Yeah. You better fix your collar or Sarah'll think some dame was getting fresh with you."

He looked down and laughed, putting his dog tags back and fixing his tie. "I'd hate to have her think something like that about me. She's the best thing to happen to me in this time next to getting you back."

I understood that feeling. As I followed Steve back in to the noise and fuss, I thought about how different my life would be if I had never met her in Kiev. Steve led us straight over to his team – familiar people that I actually enjoyed being around - most of the time.

 

*          *           *

James' POV

I was pretty drunk by the time the party started winding down, Sarah, Natalia and I finishing several bottles of vodka as we talked and watched the other guests interact. Natalia was slightly unsteady as she pulled me away from the group, leading me to her room. The moment the door closed behind us, I picked her up and pinned her to the wall, my lips on hers.

"I thought that party would never end," I murmured, kissing down Natalia's neck as she speared her fingers through my hair and nibbled on my ear. My erection was throbbing, restrained by the material of my pants and she pressed herself tight to me, rubbing her hip against my cock teasingly.

"The after party is just getting started, James."

Her fingers dipped to my waistband and curled under it, causing my abs to tighten. She undid the button and lowered my zipper, pushing my pants off my hips. Freed, my cock, only kept from straightening by the thin material of my boxers, caught her eyes and she rubbed her hand over my length through the material, making it twitch against her hand.

She smiled at my response and my hands unzipped her dress, helping it fall from her curves. My mouth went dry at sight of her pert breasts, the ruched tips of her nipples waiting for my attention. My gaze trailed lower, the sight of her tiny lacy thongs against her pale skin making my cock twitch again.

She was so incredibly sexy, her muscles were toned but not bulky. She pushed me back until I was at the edge of the bed, her hands sliding under my waistband to shove my boxers down, allowing her access to me.

My hands kneaded her firm ass, hooking my thumbs under the thin strings of her thong and working it down her legs. She stepped out of it, shoving me back onto the bed. Sitting, I pulled her onto my lap, and I skimmed my hands over her ribs and her breasts as she kissed me. My hands cupped her pert breasts and I leaned down to suckle them in turn. Her back arched, allowing me to take them more fully into my mouth.

My cock pressed hard against her, finding her hot and wet, slipping into her easily as she lowered herself onto me, the feel of her tight cunt working me up even more. My other hand rolled and tweaked her other nipple, as she rocked her hips against me, riding me hard.

I reached down to stroke her clit until she quivered with her orgasm, contracting around me and I let go of my control, one final pump seating me fully in her as I came, kissing her neck as her head lolled back with pleasure. I laid back on the bed, pulling her with me, still inside her, and I kissed her until she fell asleep, briefly sated.

 

*             *                     *  
Sarah's POV

I smiled as I watched Natasha lead James off, the two of them having been exchanging looks and little touches all night when they'd thought no one was watching. No one else had realized they were gone, enough guests were coming by to take their leave that Tony and Pepper were distracted.

Bruce had wandered away earlier in the night, tired of all the noise and people. Jarvis said he was tinkering in the lab but ready for bed. I looked around for the rest of the team to see if we could sneak away now. The crowds had thinned, but there were still quite a few people here.

I spotted Clint and Maria deep in conversation on a nearby couch, almost in their own little world. I'd never seen Maria tipsy before and it was amusing. She became more animated, talking with her hands and using more expression. She really did like Clint, and he returned her regard, focused intently on her and touching her as he talked. I finished my last drink and set the glass down; I was well beyond buzzed, maybe even drunk.

It had been a good party and I had enjoyed myself immensely. I leaned into Steve's side, putting my arm around him. He glanced down at me and smiled, but I waited until he'd finished his conversation.

"Ready to go?" I asked him, stretching up for a kiss. "Because if you're not, I'm going to go to bed without you."

"I'm ready," he said with a smile. "Let's get out of here before anyone notices."

He took my hand and I linked my fingers with his as we walked to the elevator, taking our time so we would be alone. Since James lived with us now, Steve and I really hadn't had as much alone time as we were used to - especially at night.

We walked away from the others, heading for our room. I kissed him as soon as the elevator doors closed and he surprised me by scooping me up into his arms, something I normally wouldn't allow in public, but we were alone in the elevator and Jarvis would make sure it stayed that way. He carried me down the hallway to his room, kicking the door shut behind him, his lips never leaving mine.

"If you don't want me to rip your dress, you'd better take it off," he growled against my lips as I was loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

"Gladly, Captain," I breathed, as impatient to feel his skin on mine.

He set me on my feet, groaning as I deliberately slid down the front of him, teasing him more. He quickly freed himself from his uniform, letting the garments fall to the floor very uncharacteristically - which told me just how badly he wanted me right now. It'd been too long since we had been able to be alone like this and desire had been simmering under my skin from the moment I'd laid eyes on him tonight, handsome as sin in his olive green uniform.

I unzipped the dress, letting it fall onto the floor in a puddle of fabric. I watched his eyes darken as he took in the black lace undergarments, which I had chosen for just this reaction. Walking forward, I kissed him, loosening his belt and sliding his pants and boxers off his hips, stroking his erection with my hand. He teased my nipples through the thin lace, making me want to feel his skin on mine. I reached back to undo the black lace bra and tossed it aside, putting my arms around his neck.

He toed off his shoes and stepped out of his clothes before picking me up again and laying me back on the bed to give my breasts the attention they needed. I was so worked up already that it wasn't long before I was writhing beneath him, begging him to enter me.

He gave me an evil grin as he resisted my breathless pleas; instead, he peeled my lacy thongs off me, knowing how much I enjoyed him going down on me. He took his time, working me up thoroughly so that I came several times, moaning as he teased me more than he ever had before while refusing to let me touch his cock.

He wasn't unaffected by what he was doing to me, either; I could see how thin his control was by the time he allowed me to pull him back up to me, wrapping my legs around him as I kissed him, moaning against his lips as I shifted so he would finally enter me, filling me completely in one swift motion.

He felt better than ever tonight and I couldn't get enough of him, wanting all of him. Just the feel of him moving inside me was bringing me to orgasm again, my back arching to take him deeper as with a final pump, he was buried to the hilt as he came, whispering my name as his body shuddered, sinking me deep into the bed.

I kissed him gently, content to feel his weight on me for a little bit, at least until it got hard for me to catch my breath. As soon as he could find the strength to move, he rolled off me, stretching out before pulling me into his arms. I kissed him deeply, smiling at him.

"Ready to go get cleaned up?" I laughed, seeing the lipstick marks on his face and rubbing at them futilely. "This is why I don't wear lipstick. Red isn't really your color, babe."

 

 

 


	20. Thanksgiving

November 21 2012  
James' POV

The day before Thanksgiving took forever. I was home by myself, reading and watching TV while I waited for Sarah and Steve to get back home from work. A little after 1600, my phone chirped at me, telling me I had a text.

Steve said they were just leaving Shield and should be home in 20 minutes, so I figured I would tidy up the mess I'd made today, washing the dishes and putting the last load of laundry in the dryer so it would be done before we had to leave.

Sarah had asked us to come home to her house for the holiday to meet her family and spend some time with Jace and his family. Well, I guess he was my family, too, so his family was my family. It would be good to see him again, too. I texted him a lot, actually; he was the only one who could answer questions about my family or tell me who I should talk to about it.

Right on time, Steve pulled up out front in a newer black armored SUV with tinted windows. They had mentioned we would be taking a different vehicle this morning when I'd offered to have everything downstairs and ready to go when they got here.

"Hey Buck, how was your day?" Steve asked as he came in the apartment, snowflakes in his hair. He pulled me into a tight hug, happy to see me. He was always so happy, it rubbed off on me. I rubbed my bristly cheek on his, making him laugh.

"Good. I went for a run, read a book, bugged Sam and Jace and tried a new recipe."

Steve sniffed before grinning at me. "Smells interesting. What was it?" He let go of me and went to go look in the fridge.

"Charcoal now; I didn't turn down the burner low enough and it scorched," I said sheepishly. "I'll try again next week, now that I know that. I had to take the trash out it stunk so bad."

 "Ahh," Steve laughed. "You ready to help me load up?"

"Sure. Where's Sarah?"

"Putting a couple things in already. She picked up some snacks for the ride and was figuring out how the third row of seats folded down. This vehicle is bigger than the last one we used."

I grabbed the bags while Steve unlocked Sarah's door to get her bags for her. She'd tell us she was perfectly capable of doing it herself, but she was always pleased when we did little things like that for her. For me, it was worth it just to see that big smile she gave us when we surprised her.

"Why are we taking this instead of your car?" I asked Sarah as we hauled our bags down to the waiting vehicle. She'd made sure we'd packed before they left this morning so all they would have to do was get me and load up our bags and winter gear. She gave me a huge grin when she saw I had her bags, too. Steve left them with me and went back up to do a double check to make sure everything was turned off or unplugged.

"Fury's orders," Sarah said. "Whenever Steve travels, he's supposed to take one of the Shield vehicles. Plus there's a big snowstorm coming in and this has four wheel drive. My car doesn't; it's not really a great road trip vehicle for you guys since you're so big."

I agreed with that statement. Whenever the three of us went somewhere, Sarah usually sat in the back seat so I wasn't so squashed; she said being squashed made me irritable, and I'd have to agree with her there.

"Can I drive?" I asked suddenly.

"Do you know how to drive?" she asked me, looking up at me in surprise. "You've never shown any interest in it before."

"Yeah. This has got to be easier to run than some of the crappy Soviet junk heaps I've driven."

"Fair enough. You need to run it by Steve, but once we get on the highway, I don't see a problem with that, I guess."

"Cool beans!" I picked her up and swung her around, smiling as she laughed. I set her on her feet and kissed her lightly, grinning when she smacked my chest for taking liberties.

"James! You know better."

"I can't help it that you're so beautiful, doll. I just get carried away sometimes." I closed the back end and took a step towards her.

"James Buchanan Barnes –" I kissed her again to make her not yell at me, smiling when she relaxed into me, letting me know she wasn't really mad at me.

"Your nose is getting cold, doll. Better get in this thing," I said, pulling away from her. "I call shotgun." I opened the back door for her so she could get in, holding it like a chauffeur.

"You can have it," Sarah said, sticking her tongue out at me. "I think I'm going to take a nap since there's so much room."

She didn't usually take naps, but I guess I'd gotten one in today, so why not? She did look a little tired, now that I looked closer at her.

"You all right, doll? You look a little pale."

She smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'm fine, James. Just a little tired, that's all."

I closed the door after her once she was in her seat and climbed in the passenger seat. Steve joined us a minute or two later, getting in and putting on his seatbelt. I put mine on to make him happy, turning to look back at Sarah. She already had her seatbelt on and was leaned back in the seat, eyes closed and earbuds in. I tapped Steve's arm and pointed to her. He looked back at her for a long moment before looking over at me, a little frown growing across his forehead. He pulled out of the parking spot, merging into traffic.

"Did she fall asleep already?"

"Looks like it. She said she was going to take a nap on the way," I shrugged. "She looked really tired."

"Yeah, she did. It's fine, I know the way and she programmed it into the GPS for me before we got home."

"Do you think I could drive, once we get out of town? I know how to."

"Sure, Buck. This one handles pretty good and the roads should be okay. When did you learn how to drive?"

"Dunno, it just came back to me recently that I knew how. I know I've driven motorcycles and other weird Soviet stuff; I think I even know how to fly a jet from some of the stuff I've remembered."

"Really? That's good you've remembered more, Buck. So what book did you read today?"

"The first Harry Potter one. Sarah said I should read it before I watch the movie. She said it'd make more sense that way."

"It does, but they leave a lot out of the movie."

"Like what?"

We talked easily as we drove. True to his word, once we got to a good place to stop we switched out so I could try driving before it got dark out. It came back to me quickly, other than little things I must not have known, like cruise control and blinkers - actually, the kinds of vehicles I'd driven, they might not've had those things.

I followed the voice's instructions until we reached Princeton, New Jersey. Steve reached back to wake Sarah up, frowning again when it took her a while to actually wake up. I shared a concerned look with him, this wasn't normal for her. She usually woke right away and in a cheerful mood.

She seemed her normal self by the time I pulled into the driveway Steve indicated, putting the vehicle into park and handing Steve the keys. It was a nice, average sized house, nothing remarkable about it. The lights were on and by the time we got out of the SUV, there were two people waiting for us at the door. Sarah ran over and gave them both hugs and kisses and Steve indicated that I should follow him. He shook hands with the man and hugged the older woman, letting her kiss his cheek.

"Mom, Dad, this is James Barnes. James, this is my dad, Archie Evans." I shook the man's hand, careful to not use too much pressure. "And this is my mom, Betty Evans." The woman hugged me and put a hand up to my cheek.

"It's good to finally meet you, James. We've heard a lot about you in the past month. Come in and make yourself at home. I'm sure Jace will be over as soon as he gets home from Ops."

I smiled and looked over at Sarah, uncertain of the proper procedures. She smiled at her mom. "We need to bring our bags in first, mom. Then I can show him around the house so he can get his bearings."

"Sure, honey. Your dad and I will be in kitchen. Supper'll be ready in about 15 minutes."

"Okay, Mom." Sarah took my hand and pulled me back to the vehicle. "Let's get everything brought in first, James. Would you help Steve with the bags?"

"Sure. So you have one mom and two dads?" I asked her, confused because I thought I'd met her dad already.

"Yeah. If I'm lucky, Pepper will marry Tony and then I'll have two moms also."

Steve handed me a couple bags and I slung them over my shoulders, following them to the door. "Do they know who I am?" I asked, wondering if they would treat me the same when they found out I was an assassin with a metal arm and a horrible memory.

"Yes, they do. They're with Shield, too."

"Like you and Steve?"

"Kind of. They're not field agents, though. I've been with Shield since before I was born because I'm like Steve - enhanced."

She opened the door and went in, taking off her shoes on a rug by the door. Steve did the same and I followed his lead, taking off my shoes and walking up the stairs to the second floor.

Another thought occurred to me. "Are your parents enhanced? They didn't seem like it."

Sarah smiled. "No, they're not. They adopted me when I was a baby and raised me for Tony since he was only a little older than I am now when I was born. This is my room."

She turned on the light and we walked in. Steve sat Sarah's bags down on her bed for her and I looked around quickly. It was pink; really pink. The walls, the bedding, the curtains – they were all shades of pink. I must have been making a face because they both laughed at me.

"Yes, I know – super girly, right? I picked the colors when we moved here; I was 12 and that was my favorite color. I just never got around to changing it. Let me show you the room you and Steve are sharing."

I nodded, backing out of the eye-hurting room and following them down the hall.

"Here's the guest room. You and Steve can put your bags in here. You'll both fit in that bed - just not very well."

"Where will you sleep?" I asked her, not sure I liked this set up. I didn't do well when I couldn't touch her or Steve when I slept, the nightmares took over me too easily then.

"In my room," she said, looking over at me. "Three of us can't fit in that bed; my parents are a little old fashioned and I don't even sleep with Steve when we're here." Her expression became alarmed as I started gasping for air, panic gripping me hard. "Are you okay, James?"

Steve took me in his arms, holding me tight as I fought to breathe. "It'll be okay, pal. I'll be right here next to you. I'm not leaving you, okay?"

I felt Sarah come up behind me and put her arms around my, leaning her head on my back. It helped that I could feel her warmth seeping into me, but Steve's rock solid strength grounded me. I rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent until I knew I had myself under control again. I shifted slightly, bringing Sarah around so she was part of the hug as well, tucked between us.

"I'm sorry, James," she said contritely, rubbing her hand up and down my back. "I should've thought that through a little better. If you two don't mind moving furniture, my bed would fit in this room and then you would both be able to sleep together without falling off the bed. Will that work?"

My arm tightened around her, pulling her tight to me. "I need you, too, Sarah. What if the Soldier comes out without you by me?" I asked, thinking back to the last time she hadn't been there when I'd fallen asleep.

"You haven't let him have control in a long time, so I thought you'd be okay, but I'll go talk to my parents quick. Steve can bring you down to the kitchen when you're ready, okay?"

She leaned up and kissed my cheek, patting my arm so I would let her go. I did so reluctantly, putting my arm back around Steve.

"I'm sorry," I whispered miserably. I couldn't seem to help it when these feelings gripped me. "I just don't think I can do that, Steve. I can't have her that far from me. If the Soldier gets out again, she won't be close enough to stop me. You're still his mission, Steve."

"It'll be okay, Buck," he said quietly. "We're here for you and we won't leave you." He kissed my cheek, pressing his forehead to mine. "I know part of this is just because it's a new place for you and you don't feel safe here yet."

"How did you know?"   

"I felt the same way the first time I was here and she couldn't stay with me. I don't think I slept a wink that night. The next night, we slept on the couch with Jace and Chloe, so I got to hold her. It was better, but it still wasn't like at home, you know."

"Yeah," I said, relaxing my grip on him. "I know she's your girl, Steve, but she's important to me, too."

"I understand. She's easy to love, isn't she?"

I nodded before looking at him, confused. He smiled, his cobalt eyes holding my own. There wasn't any anger or judgment there, to my surprise. Only something I couldn't define because I wasn't sure what it was, but I somehow knew it was a good thing.

Steve kissed my cheek again, his hand on the other side of my face, stroking my whiskers. It felt good, him touching me like this. I liked it when he held me and kissed my cheek, and I suddenly wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. I put my hand up to his face, stroking it lightly, his fair stubble rough on my palm. I kissed his cheek, closer to his lips and I felt his breathing change – we were still touching, chest to chest. I kissed him again, this time on his lips, and it _did_ feel good; _really good_.

I held my breath as he shifted his lips slightly, changing the angle of the kiss without pulling away. We drew back as we heard light footsteps on the stairs, dropping our hands to our sides and looking at each other in amazement.

Sarah popped her head in the door, looking at us both for a moment before speaking. "Mom and Dad said that's fine as long as we put my bed back before we leave on Sunday." She came closer, studying me. "Are you okay now, James?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"Good," she smiled and turned to go back downstairs. "Supper's ready, guys."

"We'll be right down, Sarah," Steve said, his voice sounding a little off even to my ears. She glanced at him again, but continued out of the room. I looked at Steve, who was smiling slightly. He reached out and brushed his hand lightly over my whiskered jaw.

"We've got all the time in the world, Bucky," he said quietly. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, okay?"

I nodded and reached my cybernetic hand out to brush it over his cheek. "I know, Stevie. I know - but I think I want this."

I pulled him to me, bringing my lips to his again, bolder this time. I felt him respond, kissing me back before he suddenly pulled me into a hug, resting his head on my shoulder and breathing hard.

"I want this too, Buck. But right now, we need to go down and eat, okay?" He pulled back from me, meeting my eyes.

"Okay," I said with a grin. "We didn't used to do that, did we?"

He laughed and shook his head. "No, we didn't." He clapped me on the back and slung an arm around my shoulders as we walked. "Come on, Buck. You'll like Sarah's parents."

I followed Steve down the stairs and through a hallway to the kitchen. We washed our hands at the sink and sat down at the table with Sarah's dad. Sarah was helping her mom set the food out, and I watched them as they chatted and laughed as they worked.

It was fascinating to me to see how normal people interacted with each other in a family dynamic. I know I'd seen it before, but I didn't remember it. I wondered if this was how my family had been: my mom and sister preparing the food while my dad and my two brothers talked about news and sports.

As I listened to Steve and Sarah's dad talking about sports, I realized that I was a little out of the loop, not having paid any attention to any kind of sport in a very long time. I pulled out the little notebook I kept in my pocket and jotted that down so I would remember to look into it later.

Sarah and her mom sat down at the table and we started to fill our plates, passing the dishes around the table. It all smelled good that I filled my plate, suddenly ravenous. I hadn't eaten since breakfast because I had accidentally turned my lunch into charcoal.

The others chattered while I ate and I listened but didn't feel the need to contribute. Archie and Betty reminded me of their names and they encouraged me to eat as much as I wanted. Between Sarah, Steve and I, we finished almost everything, so I guessed Betty was used to cooking for super-soldier appetites.

Betty noticed my interest in the dishwasher, so she showed me how to load it and run it. I thought it was pretty neat that you could just push a button and the dishes would get clean. Sarah and Steve cleared the table of the rest of the dishes and leftovers, putting things away while I was occupied. Archie sat back and just watched, continuing his conversations with them as they worked.

The kitchen tidied, Sarah showed me the rest of the house and we stepped out into the backyard so I could see Jace's house. "I warn you, though, if Grant and little James find out you're here, they'll be here before dawn to try and be the first to meet you."

"They sound entertaining," I said. "I don't know much about kids, though."

She smiled and led me back inside. "Apparently they really take after their namesakes - you and Steve. Those two get into all kinds of mischief. Grant got suspended from school for a couple days for getting into a fight at school. I guess this bigger kid was bullying some little girls, so he took it on himself to stop it. James almost got suspended too for pulling him out of hot water when he was getting his butt handed to him."

"For real?"

"For real." She grabbed two beers out of the fridge and handed me one before hopping up to sit on the counter. "When they got called into the office, Grant said that he was just doing what Captain America would do, taking out bullies and James said he was just making sure his brother wasn't going to get creamed." She took a look drink before smiling at me.

I laughed, understanding what she was saying. "From what I've started to remember from when we were young, that sounds pretty accurate."

"That's what their mom was afraid of." I took a drink of my beer, setting it on the counter.

"You like kids?" I asked Sarah suddenly, changing the subject. I'd never asked her about her plans for the future - at least I didn't think I had.

She gave me a long look before she nodded. "Yeah, I do. That doesn't mean I want to _have_ kids yet or anything, though."

"Why not?"

She took another drink before speaking. "I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. Once you have a baby, that baby is yours for the next 18 years to raise and provide for. I'm a field agent, James. Every time I go out, there's a chance I won't come back. That's not the kind of fear I want a kid to have to live with. It's not fair to them to make them worry about their Mom not coming home."

"Oh," I said, considering her words and moving so that I could hold her, needing to touch her right then. "I have those kinds of fears about you, too. I'm terrified I'm going to lose you."

She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close to her. I rested my head on her heart, hearing her strong heartbeat. She kissed the top of my head, running her hands through my hair. "That's because you care about me, James. I care about you, too."

"I know you do, Sarah." I leaned up and kissed her, caressing her face with my cybernetic hand. "Do you have those kinds of fears about Steve?"

She nodded, covering my hand with her own. "Yes, because I love him; you'll always worry about the people you love. Do you have those same fears about Steve, too?"    

I exhaled loudly. "Yes, constantly. But it's worse with him. It sounds like he does more dangerous things than you, and he's the only person that can help me remember who I used to be."

She pulled me close, kissing my cheek, and we were quiet for a little while before she spoke again. "You know, it's okay if you love Steve too, James." I looked at her in alarm, but she only smiled. "You were always Steve's Bucky, and I knew from the first that if I ever fell in love with Steve, I would always be second to you." She touched my cheek lightly, making me meet her gaze. "But then I met you and I knew I was okay with that, because I fell in love with you, too."

"You love me?" I asked her, amazed, covering her hand with my own. Just when I thought she couldn't surprise me any more, she'd come out and say something like this, utterly flooring me.

"Yes, I do. I think I loved you before I met you, to be honest. I'd heard so much about you from Steve."

She gave me a small smile and I captured her lips with mine, my hand on her neck, her pulse beating rapidly under my thumb. The sound of a door opening had me stepping away from her, my stance becoming defensive as I faced the noise.

 

*                  *                  *

Sarah's POV    

"Hey James," a familiar voice said from the patio door out of sight of where we were standing. "You aren't going to shoot me this time, are you?"

James laughed, relaxing his stance. "Nah, kid. Who else is going to play video games with me?"

Jace chuckled as he walked into the room, shutting the door behind him. "Figured I'd better check first before surprising you again."

James walked over to give him a hug as I jumped off the counter to go hug him. "I was wondering when you'd get home! I missed you!"

"I missed you, too, Pooka. I just got home a little bit ago, said hi to my folks and the twins and then came over to see if you were here yet. I saw the Shield SUV in the driveway, so I figured you were."

I let go of him, stepping back so James could talk to him for a moment. The commotion brought everyone else into the kitchen. Steve grinned as he saw Jace, coming over to give him a hug. I watched as my mom fussed over him, remarking how tall he was now. My dad shook his hand and clapped him on the back, teasing him about how poorly Jace's football team was doing.

James was showing him the prototype for his arm camouflage that he was currently testing for me, and grinned when Jace poked at it to see how thorough the holo was. I went to go stand by Steve, letting him put his arms around me as I leaned back into him, trying to hide my yawns.

After a few more minutes, Jace wrapped things up, saying he needed to go eat and get to bed because the twins were going to be waking him up early. My mom told him to come over after breakfast and then we could make plans for introducing James to his family.

"Ready to move some furniture?" I asked Steve, grabbing the small household toolbox from its shelf in the entry before walking up the stairs, James following us.

"Yup. You look beat. That three hour nap wasn't long enough for you?"

"I've just been so tired lately. Must be having a growth spurt or something. I'll check in with Bruce when we get back on Monday if I'm still tired."

Steve nodded, and I went to strip the blankets off my bed, leaving the fitted sheet on the mattress. James carried the mattress and box spring into the guest room before coming back to grab the first section of frame. Steve had to undo two bolts on each side of the frame to disconnect it from the headboard.

He and James made short work of the reassembly, putting the bed back together just as quickly as they took it apart. I carried the sheets into the bedroom, taking a minute to put them back on the bed, along with my blankets. I shoved the beds together, making a small king-sized bed big enough for the three of us. Steve returned the tools to the box and I put it back in my room for when we'd need it again Sunday.

"Do you and James want to use this bathroom and I'll go shower downstairs tonight?" I asked Steve when I came back to the room. He was just starting to unpack his bags to get his pajamas out.

Steve shook his head. "Why don't you use this one, Sarah. I'll show James where the other one is."

"Okay. Thanks."

I grabbed my bathrobe and headed for the bathroom to take my shower, more than ready to go to bed tonight. I showered quickly, going back to my room to put my pajamas on before going downstairs to get a glass of water and say goodnight to my folks, climbing in bed a couple minutes later and closing my eyes.

 

*                            *                    *

James' POV

By the time I came upstairs after showering, Sarah was already fast asleep in her pink bed. I turned off the lights, wondering how she fell asleep with them on and climbed in next to her, settling her into my arms in the spot she normally liked to sleep on while I waited for Steve to come to bed.

I thought about the conversation we'd had in the kitchen earlier before Jace had showed up. It made me wonder if she'd seen me kissing Steve earlier or if it was speculation on her part. Either way, it was one less thing to worry about. If she'd said she didn't mind me being with Steve too, then she meant it. Sarah wasn't the kind of person to say one thing and mean another.

I didn't have to wait long before Steve came into the room, closing the door behind him and giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness. He climbed into the other bed, looking over at us.

"She's sleeping already?" Steve asked, raising himself up on his elbow to look at her.

"Yeah. She was out before I even got to bed. I just didn't think I should let her lay on her own. It's been a while since she's had a nightmare, but you never know."

"I'm a little worried. She's not been quite herself today."

"Did something happen at work?"

"No, nothing that I know of. Did she say anything to you when you were talking earlier, before Jace showed up?"

"Not about her, or work or the team. I didn't think she could get sick?"

"I don't know. Her serum is so different from my own. It's similar, but it doesn't act the same as mine."

"Come on over here, Steve. You're just going to worry if she's not close enough to you."

He moved over so that he was able to put an arm across the both of us. "Thanks, Bucky."

"For what?" I asked.

"For looking out for her. I know she means a lot to you, too."

"I love her; of course I'm going to look out for her. There's no reason we can't both love her, is there?"

"No, there's not. I know she loves you, too."

"Does that bother you?" I asked, studying his face.

"No, not at all. She's got such a big heart, I think even Fury loves having her around," Steve said with a grin. I laughed quietly, having heard plenty of stories about the prickly, brusque, Director of Shield from both of them. I shifted so I could see Steve better.

"So when I was talking to Sarah earlier, she was saying some interesting things."

"She's always interesting," said Steve with a quiet laugh. "What was she saying?"

"That she's okay with me being with you, too. Most gals wouldn't, would they?" I could tell I'd taken him by surprise with my statement; he became real still and quiet. I reached over with my cybernetic arm and touched his shoulder lightly. "You okay, Steve?"

He nodded slightly, "Just a little blindsided there. So Sarah talked to you about us being together? When?"

"Yeah - tonight; we were talking about fear. Every day when she leaves me for work, I'm terrified that she won't come home again."

"You're not the only one, Buck. That's one of my greatest fears, too. My other one is that I'll lose you again. I lost you once – I don't ever want to have that happen again."

"I promise to avoid trains in the Alps since that's what you said did me in the first time."

He huffed out a breath, and reached up to touch my face. " _Bucky_."

"If something happens to me, at least you've got Sarah. If something ever happens to you, Steve, I don't know what I'd do. You're the only person that can help me remember what they took away from me."

I felt the panic clawing at me and I sat up, letting go of Sarah as I struggled to convince my lungs that they really did know how to work. Steve sat up as well, picking up Sarah and moving her to the other side of himself before pulling me into his arms and holding me tight.

"I'm not going anywhere, Buck. You're gunna be stuck with me forever, jerk; you'll see."

"Punk," I said reflexively.

He ran his hand over my hair. "Now you sound a little more like yourself. So she really said that to you, that she was okay with us being together?"

"Yeah. She did. You think she saw us earlier?"

"No, I don't think so, but I've never exactly made it a secret how I feel about you, Bucky. I've always loved you, even when I wasn't strong enough to be with you."

"You did?" I said, pulling back enough so I could see his face.

"Yeah," Steve said, smiling at me. "You'd always put your arm around my shoulder when we'd be walking anywhere, making me feel like the luckiest guy in the world for having you for a best friend."

I licked my lips, deciding to say what I was thinking. "I liked it when we kissed earlier, Steve. I don't know about the other stuff, but it just _felt_ right, like it does when I'm with Sarah. Can you really love two people like that?"

He nodded. "I think so, at least I feel that way about both of you." He stroked my face gently. "Can I kiss you again, Bucky?"

I turned my face to Steve's, meeting his lips with mine. I slid the tip of my tongue along his lips and he opened his mouth, allowing me to kiss him more deeply. I shifted so I was facing him, wrapping my arms around as my desire rose and I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted more, but I wasn't sure what that 'more' was exactly.

When he drew back finally, we were both quietly gasping for breath. He gave me one more kiss, soft and gentle, but somehow fulfilling. I kissed his cheek and rested my head on his broad shoulder.

"Wow," he said, and I could feel his smile. "Damn, Buck! No wonder you always had dames falling all over you. I didn't know you could kiss like that."

"Either did I, but apparently Sarah's taught you a lot because holy shit, that was great! I could kiss you all night."

Steve sighed, lifting his head up to look at me. "I think we'd better cool it for now, though. We've got time; there's no need to rush things right now."

"You're right," I said with a smile. "So does this mean you won't growl at me anymore for kissing Sarah?"

He laughed quietly. "Yeah, I suppose it does. As long as it's what she wants, I'm okay with it. It actually hasn't bothered me for a while – since we both started sharing her bed, I guess. I'm going to go get a drink of water. You want anything?"

"I'm good." I gave him another kiss, disentangling my limbs from his. He carefully got out of the bed and I straightened the covers before pulling Sarah back over so she would be laying between us. I couldn't believe she'd slept through all that, but she'd probably be up ungodly early in the morning like she usually was - and cheerful, too - annoyingly so.

I curled up around her and closed my eyes, telling myself it was time to sleep. I smiled when Steve came back to bed, scooting over and putting his arm around the both of us, falling asleep shortly after that.

 

 


	21. Missing Pieces

Sarah's POV

I woke up well before dawn and decided to go for a run before it was time to start cooking for the day. I carefully disentangled myself from James and Steve, turning to climb over Steve to get up. I'd learned early on not to wake James at this time of the morning if I didn't have to. He wasn't a morning person by any stretch of the imagination.

Steve cracked his eyes open as I moved over him, though, shifting us so he had me to himself. He brought one hand up to my face and I kissed him gently, not having any expectations since we were at my parent's house. He smiled at me, searching my face.

"Are you feeling better this morning? You fell asleep really early yesterday, even after your long nap."

"I feel fine. I was just really tired yesterday for some reason."

"Then it's a good thing you have a couple days off from work; you've been so busy lately I hardly get to see you." He kissed me, gently stroking my face.

"Hmm. A couple of lazy days might do me good. Want to go for a run with me?" I asked him, grinning when he made a face at me. He didn't care for the cold and wasn't fond of snow, which was understandable considering how long he'd been frozen in the Arctic before Shield found him.

"Why don't you just stay here with me?" Steve suggested, kissing me again. "That's lazy. Besides, it's snowing pretty good out there."

I picked my head up to look outside the window. He was right, that winter storm had already hit here. "Five bucks says Tony just flies here in his suit."

Steve snorted quietly. "I'm not taking that bet. Is Pepper coming, too?"

"I think so. I invited her and wasn't going to take no for an answer. The rest of the team said they had plans already involving sunshine and a private beach of Tony's."

"Hmm. Maybe next time we'll go with them," Steve said with a smile. "After all the trips to cold places I've done lately, I wouldn't mind going somewhere warm for a change."

"I'll see what I can do, Capsicle." I leaned up to kiss him, smiling widely. I ran my hand over his muscular torso and he stopped it before I could tease him, giving me a look. "What? I can't help it you turn me on. It's weird seeing you sleeping in a shirt again, though."

"Sarah," he sighed, shaking his head. "Not here."

He rolled us so he was weighing me down into the bed but not putting his whole weight on me, his way of controlling me when I wanted to work him up, too. I squirmed against him, not feeling like complying. I found the perfect position to grind my hip against his hardness – and he was already amazingly hard, even more than he normally was in the mornings.

"Shower?" I asked breathily as his eyes fluttered shut.

"No - be good, Sarah!" he growled against my lips, his voice rough with desire.

He retaliated by putting more of his weight on me, making it so I could hardly move. Unfortunately for him, I didn't need to move much to tease him. I ran my hands over his back, deepening the kiss, letting him know what I wanted from him. It wasn't often that he would hold out on me, so I knew if I kept at it, I'd eventually get my way.

"I don't _want_ to be good. Please? I need you in me, Steve. I can't help it I want you so bad right now." I kissed his neck, finding that one certain sensitive spot with my teeth and nibbling at it as he attempted to reason with me.

"I didn't bring any protection, doll." He was wavering, and we both knew it. I sucked on his earlobe, making him exhale sharply.

"I did. Check the drawer. I'll be quiet – I promise."

 

*              *               *

James' POV

I woke up to the smell of coffee. Cracking my eyes open, I looked over to see Steve sitting on the other bed, which was already made. He was dressed for the day, hair combed and reading a book with a mug of coffee in his hand. He looked over when I moved, a smile on his handsome face.

"Morning, Bucky. Did you sleep well?"

I sat up and stretched, yawning. "Well enough; it's not home. Where are we?"

He set the book on the nightstand. "We're in Princeton, New Jersey, at Sarah's parent's house. Breakfast will be ready soon if you want to get dressed and come downstairs."

I flopped back on the pillow, turning so I could see him better. "All right. Where's Sarah?"

"She was helping her mom make breakfast when I came back up. We didn't want you to wake up in a strange place by yourself; we thought you might get worried."

"Hmm," I said, attempting to smile. "Thanks, I probably would've, if you weren't here."

Steve returned my smile, standing up. "Anytime, Buck. I'm going to get some more coffee. See you downstairs?"

"Yeah. Coffee sounds good." I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

Steve laughed as he headed for the door, pausing in the doorway. "Betty said she'd teach you how to cook, if you want to learn."

"Betty?"   

"Sarah's mom's name is Betty. Her dad is Archie."

"Those names are familiar," I said, getting a flash of a memory. "I know them somehow."

"Do you remember the comics from before you got shipped out? There was one about teenagers with Archie Andrews, Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge?"

"Were they funny?" I asked, shaking my head.

I stood up and stretched some more, pulling my shirt off and rummaging in my bag for a different one. Steve leaned against the doorjamb and watched me get dressed, looking away when I pushed my sleeping shorts off my hips to put on a pair of jeans, a flush spreading across his cheeks and making me smile.

"Yeah, they were. They still make them; I see them in the store when Sarah makes me go with."

I fastened my jeans and walked over to Steve, pausing in front of him since he was blocking the door yet. "Ready, Steve." I gave him a slow grin, watching him flush a little more. "I'll follow you down."

Breakfast was ready by the time we got to the kitchen. Sarah smiled when she saw me and handed me a mug so I could have some coffee. "Morning, James. You looked like you slept pretty good last night."

"Morning, Sarah," I said promptly, pouring a full cup of coffee. "I did. What time did you wake up? You were already asleep by 2130." I blew on it for a moment before taking a sip. I reached for the milk to cool it down a little bit, filling it to the brim to bring it to a drinkable temperature.

Sarah smiled and blushed for some reason, which made me give her a look. "Before dawn. I was going to go for a run, but instead I went back to sleep for a while since it was already snowing pretty good."

"<Why are you blushing?>" I asked in Russian since I knew Steve still didn't speak it and I assumed Sarah's parents didn't either.

"<No reason.>" She said, blushing even more.

"<Liar.>" I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms in front of me, calling her out. There was a reason, she just didn't want to tell me.

"<None of your business.>"

"<You _are_ my business. Are you going to tell me or not? >"

"< _Not_. >" She glared at me, then handed me a plate. She shifted back to English, telling me she was done talking about it. "Dish yourself up, James. Mom made plenty."   

I looked at her for a long moment, but took the plate from her, taking another sip of my coffee before moving over to the stove to fill up my plate. Steve gave me and Sarah a look but didn't say anything because Sarah's parents came back in the kitchen just then, her dad carrying an extra chair, Jace trailing behind them with two more. He set them down next to the wall and gave me a grin before going to get his own plate of food.

"Morning, James."

Sarah's dad put his chair at the table next to me and set the newspaper down at the end of the table in front of what I assumed was his seat.

"So James, Sarah tells me that you want to learn how to cook?" Sarah's mom asked me.

"Yes ma'am," I said. "I've been having problems getting things to turn out right so far."

"He's great at making charcoal, Mom," Sarah said with a grin. "I can't really help him; I'm not the greatest cook myself."

"That's because you were always too busy with your training to really learn, dear. I made sure you at least knew the basics."

Sarah nodded and scooped up another bite of eggs. "I can handle breakfast food and boxed mixes, but that's about it."   

"And fajitas. You make good fajitas, Sarah." I said, pouring syrup over my pancakes and eggs. I loved the sweetness of it.

"They're hard to screw up, " she said, smiling at me.

I shook my head. "I've managed it. Made that beeper thing go off again." Jace snorted a laugh and Sarah tried to hide her smile by taking a drink of coffee.

"The smoke alarm?" Steve asked and I nodded. "That explains why it was off the ceiling yesterday. I forgot to ask you before we left." Steve shook his head. "Remind me to show you how to make it stop screeching when we get back home."

"Okay," I agreed. I looked back over at Sarah's mom, who was smiling at me.

"Just call me Betty, James. Goodness - you and Jace really do look a lot alike," Betty said as Jace sat down next to me. I looked over at him and we shared a grin.

"We know. We usually tell people we're cousins if they ask, Mami." Jace said, reaching for the syrup and flooding his plate with it. "It's the easiest explanation since most of the people I know are aware that I don't have an older brother."   

"I see. Jace, are your grandparents here already?"

"Yeah, they drove up yesterday morning so they wouldn't have to deal with the weather. Good thing they did – it's pretty nasty out already. Great-Aunt Rebecca wasn't feeling well yesterday, so she's not coming.  She wanted to, especially when she found out James was going to be here."

"That's too bad. She isn't getting pneumonia again, is she?"

"No, Dad said she just didn't feel good, so Aunt Tessa was bringing her meals today since they had to work and can't leave town."

Betty clicked her tongue. "I was hoping to see Tess and John, too. I'll call them later this afternoon when they should both be off work."

"Sure, Mami. They'd like that. James, would you like to come meet some more of the family this morning?" Jace asked, elbowing my arm.

I nodded, "Sure. I finally get to meet your little brothers?"

"Yup. I can't wait to see their faces! Sarah, Steve, are you coming over too?"

"Of course," Sarah said. "I'm sure they've grown a lot since the last time I saw them."

"Sure," Steve said, smiling. "I said I'd stop in the next time we were here."

"Good," Jace said. "They'd come hunt you down if you didn't."

"So I've been told," Steve said, sharing a look with Sarah. "Besides, I like your little brothers, Jace."

 

*                 *                *

Sarah's POV

As soon as breakfast was over, we finished getting ready for the day and bundled up to head over to Jace's house. Mom had the turkey in the oven already, so there wasn't anything else we needed to do for a couple hours.

Grant and little James met us at the door, the blast of cold air alerting them that someone was there. They were still in their Cap pajamas, watching cartoons in the living room.

They jumped around us like puppies before we could even get our coats off, hugging me and Steve and talking over each other.

"Sarah! You're home!" Grant said while little James exclaimed loudly, "Steve! You're here too!"

It took them a moment to realize there was another person with us because in his winter coat, James looked like Jace, who had kicked his shoes off to go get his folks.

"You're not Jace," little James finally said when he noticed him, stopping seconds before pouncing on him, eyes wide. "Grant, _look!"_

"You look like him, though. That's _so cool_ – Jace you've got a twin now too!" Grant said, grinning at his twin.

"Boys, where are your parents?" I asked, hanging up my coat.

"Kitchen," Grant said, pointing as he stared at James. "Who are you?"

"Who are you?" James asked, hanging up his coat as well.

"Nuh-uh – I asked you first!" The boys started peppering him with questions, which James wasn't prepared for. He reached for me, physically picking me up and putting me between him and the boys. I whistled loudly to get their attention as their parents reached us.

They quieted down, knowing that if I was doing that, they were too boisterous. Their mother scolded them and sent them into the living room, gesturing for us to follow with a smile as she wrangled her sons.

"Happy Thanksgiving Roger," I said, giving Jace's dad a hug. "It's good to see you!"

"It's been pretty boring around here with you and Jace gone. Come sit down and tell us what you've been up to." He let go of me and turned to shake Steve's hand. "Hello, Steve – it's good to see you again, too."

"You too, Roger," Steve said. "Sorry for interrupting your morning."

Roger laughed and walked with Steve into the living room when I made a motion for them to go on. I turned back to James, who hadn't moved yet.

 

*   *     *

James' POV

I wasn't expecting that amount of energy and excitement after just walking in the door. I'd been warned they were curious, active boys, but I really didn't have any experience with children. Sarah put her arms around me, just holding me for a second to give me a chance to get my bearings again.

"Are you all right, James?"

I nodded, pulling her close, her light scent comforting me. "I just wasn't ready for all that."

"Sorry, they get a little excited when they haven't seen us in a while." She rubbed her hands up and down my back before kissing my cheek. "Ready? You can do this, James. Steve and I are here with you."

I rested my forehead on hers for a moment, closing my eyes. "Okay, but stay with me?"

"Sure," she said, taking her arms from around me and slipping her small hand in mine. I let her lead me into the room, seeing that Steve was sitting on a small couch that was just big enough for the three of us. We sat down, and Steve met my eyes, smiling at me. Jace made the introductions, grinning widely.

"Where did those boys go?" I asked, not seeing them in the room.

"They went to go get your brother John from upstairs. Jace said you went to go see Rebecca already."

I nodded, finding my voice. "She'd been waiting to see me since she met Steve again a while ago."

"Well, if Steve was still alive, it was only fitting that you'd be as well," Roger said. "The way my father and Uncle Ben told the stories, you two were always inseparable. I hear we have Sarah to thank for finding you? Jace said you had a pretty nasty case of amnesia."

I nodded. "I don't remember a lot of things yet. Things have been starting to come back more and more, but mostly in bits and pieces. Sarah and Steve have been helping me a lot with things."

"I'm sure they have."

The thuds of small feet on the stairs alerted us to the boy's return. Jace intervened thankfully and collared them, bringing them over to stand in front of me.

"James, this is little James Barnes and this is his twin, Grant. Boys, this is your great-uncle James Buchanan Barnes."

"No way!"

"For real? You're really Bucky Barnes?"

Jace put his hands over their mouths when he realized they weren't going to pause for breath. "Yes, he really is Bucky. Call him James, though. Now if I let you go, will you slow down and give him a chance to answer your questions? He's not used to being around kids and I had to get him to promise not to kill you for annoying him."

I smiled at his empty threat because it was clear that he adored his little brothers. They both nodded, wide eyed and he uncovered their mouths.

"Did he really make you promise that?" One of them - little James, I thought - asked, staring at me.

"Yes," I said with a small smile. It was the truth, actually. "I used to be an assassin – a damn good one, too."

Sarah elbowed me and switched to Russian to speak quietly while the boys looked at each other. "<You shouldn't have told them that. Now they're going to want to hear all about what you used to do.>"

"<Then it's a good thing I don't remember much,>" I replied, smiling at her.

"<She's right, though. Don't give them ideas, please. They come up with enough on their own,>" Jace said, earning a wide eyed look from his brothers, who must not have know he could speak Russian. "Behave, boys." He said to them, switching back to English and going back over to the stairs to help an older man down the last couple steps.

Sarah laughed at the boys' expressions and patted my leg. Steve looked at us in amusement. "I really need to learn Russian, don't I?"

"Yup. I'll give you the discs I used when I was a kid to get you started, okay?"

"<What other languages can I use that Steve doesn't know when I want to talk to just you?>" I murmured, grinning at Sarah. She shook her head and stood up, pulling me to my feet as the old man approached.

"James, this is your brother John, Jace's grandpa."

I held out my hand for him to shake only to have him pull me into a hug. He was stronger than he looked and I carefully put my arms around him, mindful of my strength.

"Bucky, I never thought I'd see you again."

"Johnny boy, when did you get to be so old?" I asked, remembering my nickname for him. He barked out a laugh, letting go of me just enough so he could hold me by my shoulders and look at me.

"Bucky, you're older than I am. You've got to be at least 95, pal."

"I suppose I am. Sit down, John. You look like you're going to fall over."

"I probably should sit," he said. "The old ticker isn't as good as it used to be."

I drew him down so he was sitting between me and Steve, Sarah smiling and perching on the arm of the couch by me, answering questions from the boys for awhile as we talked.

 

*                      *                 *

Sarah's POV

I put my phone back in my pocket as I walked in the kitchen. "Need any help, Janet?"

"I've got it under control, but thanks, Sarah. I already talked to your mom and they've agreed to bring over a couple things and we'll all eat here today."

"Great," I said with a smile. "I was hoping you'd say that. I didn't want to plan it like that ahead of time in case it was too much for James to handle. He's done really well meeting everyone today."

"He has. I wasn't sure what to expect when we talked to Jace about it. He really doesn't remember anything about his life?"

"Not much. He's come a long way since I found him in Russia in September. He didn't even know his own name then. Roger and John were pretty excited to meet him, weren't they?"

"Do dogs bark?" she said with a smile. "We're planning on eating at noon if you want to take Grant and Jamie to go get some chairs from your place. They'll just make a nuisance of themselves if we don't keep them busy."

"Good idea. I'm sure they'll get sidetracked by the snow, too. If we go now, we might have all the chairs here by noon."

"I have faith in your abilities to control them, dear."

I snorted, knowing that they were going to test my patience because they were so excited. "Glad one of us does. See you in a bit."

I walked back to the living room and gathered the boys, who were wrestling on the floor. I sent them to get bundled up while I leaned over the couch to tell Steve where I was going, stopping him before he could get up and offer to help us.

"No, you stay here with James. I'm going to help the twins burn off some of their energy before they end up in trouble. We're going to be eating here today, anyways."

 

*              *                          *

James' POV

It was a long day for me, but it was a good one. Meeting some more of my family had helped me remember more things. It was late when we all grabbed a chair to take back over to Sarah's parent's house. The twins were sleeping on the couch, piled on Jace, who didn't look like he minded.

"They look cute now that they aren't moving or talking," I said to Steve as we walked back over to Sarah's. The storm had passed and everything was calm, covered in a thick layer of snow.

"They'll be back to their normal selves again in the morning," Sarah said, laughing. "Their devil horns retract while they sleep."

"I didn't see any halos," Steve said, smiling. "But since they're related to Bucky, I didn't expect to."

"Hey!" I said, elbowing him. "Some best friend you are."

Steve snickered. "Bucky, everything those two kids did today, we did too when we were their age. I just couldn't keep up with you then as well as I can now."

Betty opened the door for us and we all trooped in the house, kicking our shoes off at the door before taking the chairs back to the kitchen.

"You guys can get showered first," Sarah said. "I need to call Uncle Kevin yet. He said he'd try to make it here some time this weekend to see us after the storm passed."

Steve nodded and said good night to Sarah's parents before going upstairs to shower.

"More people for me to meet?" I asked, giving her a light kiss as I pulled her into my arms.

"You did great today, James," Sarah said, smiling at me.

"They knew what to expect about me, didn't they?"

"Other than the twins, yes. Jace and I had talked to them already so in case things didn't go well, they knew what we would do."

"What was the plan if it didn't go well?"

"Steve and I were to get you away from people as fast as possible. Jace was armed with tranquilizer darts that would at least make you pause for a bit, just in case. We wouldn't let you hurt your own family, James."

I stared at her for a long moment, amazed by her. "I don't know whether you're serious or not. You would really tranq me?"

"I wasn't sure you were paying attention, but yes, I would tranq you if I had to. They're like my family, too, James. Go get cleaned up and I'll be up in a little bit."

"Okay," I said, kissing her again, longer this time, before letting go of her and heading for the stairs.  
  


*                  *            *

Sarah's POV

My mom walked into the kitchen, giving me an amused look as she went to get a glass of water. "That boy is head over heels for you, Sarah. What's Steve got to say about him kissing you like that?"

I sighed, sitting down at the table. "Nothing. We haven't talked about it yet."

"So are you still seeing Steve?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Just wondering. So you three all sleep together every night?"

"Yeah. James has some pretty awful nightmares if he's by himself, but he doesn't want me out of his reach when he's sleeping, so it was just easier for us all to sleep in the same bed."

"Well, then we'll get a larger bed for the guest room so you don't have to move furniture every time you're here. I'm assuming you won't usually be coming home by yourself for holidays anymore?"

"Probably not for a while, at least until James is better. Sam said he'd start working with him when James was ready to deal with his PTSD."

"The sooner, the better. He's a nice young man from what I've seen, but he relies a lot on you and Steve."

"Yeah, he does. He's only been with us for a month, though. Hydra screwed him up big time, and they had him under their control for the past 67 years. We can't reverse all of that overnight."

"No, you can't. What if he never gets his memory back?"

"Then he doesn't. He's just James to me, Mom. I didn't know him when he was Bucky, so I'm not missing anything, not like Steve. We just take one day at a time for now." I switched subjects, ready to be done talking about the current one. " When can Kevin come by? I'm just going to call him quick."

"All right. Tell Kevin any time is fine with us; your dad's been missing their guy time, especially since Jace has been gone, too." She kissed the top of my head, stroking my hair lightly. "Night, honey. See you in the morning."

"Night, Mom."

I made my call, but Kevin didn't answer, so I just left him a message and headed upstairs to see if the guys were done with the shower yet. Steve was done, so I sat down on the bed across from him, pulling my knees up to my chin.

"So my mom saw James kissing me tonight and gave me 20 questions. What do you think about him kissing me?"

"It doesn't bother me, Sarah. It did at first, but not anymore."

"Why not? It would bother me if you were kissing other girls – other than Nat because she doesn't count."

He gave me an amused look. "Why doesn't Nat count?"

"She's not interested in you, but she said at the time you needed the practice. Is she a good kisser?"

"Not the point, but yes, she is." He became serious again. "It would bother _me_ if I was kissing other girls, Sarah. I don't want to be with any other girls."

"What about other guys? Are you only okay with me kissing James because you want to kiss him too?" Steve turned red and covered his face with his hand. I looked at him with interest. " _Have_ you kissed James? Because I really am okay with it."

"Yes," he finally said quietly and my eyebrows shot up. "I've kissed him."

"Really? You did? When? I need some details here, Rogers."

"Yesterday," he said, blushing even more.

They hadn't been alone much yesterday other than after I had fallen asleep, so I made a guess. "While I was sleeping? Dang it, I missed out!"

Steve pulled me over to him, putting his arms around me and resting his head on mine. "You really are okay with me wanting to be with him, too?"

"As long as you don't neglect me, yeah," I said with a smile before turning more serious. "I always thought you loved Bucky first, but I love him too - I have for a while."

"And I love you. I never thought I would love two people like this, Sarah. People will talk if they find out."

"Let them talk." I said, not caring what the public thought about our relationship. "Although until we're sure we've gotten rid of Hydra, James is going to have to keep a low profile. We've been lucky the paps haven't gotten any pictures of him yet."

"I know. They're bad enough when you and I are out together; I can't imagine what they'll be like when they find out about Bucky."

"We'll figure something out." I leaned up and kissed him, shifting so my lips could reach his easier.

 


	22. Honesty

James' POV

I walked back into the bedroom with the towel around my waist only to see Sarah and Steve sitting together on the bed, kissing more intensely than I'd seen them kiss before.

"Should I come back later?" I said, raising an eyebrow. Sarah broke the kiss and turned to look at me, giving me a mischievous grin.

"Or you could join us," Sarah said in a sultry voice.

I wasn't sure if she was serious or not, but Steve's face flushed and I was sure his mind went to the same place mine did – the gutter. She climbed off Steve and came over to me, eyes sweeping boldly over my body in a way that made me think she was imagining me naked. She hadn't looked at me like that in quite a while, not since we'd gotten drunk together one night after Jace had left; certainly not since the day I'd met Steve in this time.

She touched my face, meeting my eyes before going up on tiptoe to give me an intense kiss, the kind that was unmistakably an invitation for more – something she almost never did, either. If I wasn't turned on by her before, I was now - painfully so. She broke the kiss and walked out the door, shutting it behind her.

I looked over at Steve. "Holy shit, that girl can kiss!"

"Yes, she can," Steve said, looking bemused.

I walked over to my bag and pulled out a pair of boxers and my pajamas, setting them on the bed while I threw the bag back on the floor. "What the hell was that about?"

"Beats me. I told her I was okay with you kissing her, so maybe she was testing me?"

I gave him a steady look. "You know I've done more with her than just kissing, right?"

"Yeah, she told me about Kiev the night I got back." Steve looked away as I pulled off the towel and put on my boxers and shorts, his face almost as red as before.

"And?" I fiddled with my shirt, straightening it out before pulling it on.

"And nothing. I honestly don't care what it took for her to convince you to come back to me, now that I know I'm not going to lose her."

He stood up, pacing the room nervously, making me smile. I caught his hand and pulled him over to me, putting my arms around his neck and leaning my forehead on his. I held his cobalt eyes with my own, letting him know I had something important to say.

"Good, because not being able to be with her wasn't an option," I said fervently. "I didn't remember you at the time, only her – and I came to DC for her."

"Have you...been with her...since you got back to the States?"

"Yes, but not since you've been home. Since then, I've kissed her, yes; I need that closeness with her or I get a little...anxious, but no, I haven't slept with her like that since then."

"Oh." He let out a deep breath, closing his eyes and pulling me close. "I didn't know how much I needed to hear that until now, Buck." He seemed to relax a little more, holding me even tighter. His eyes opened again, searching my face. "I mean, I've seen you kissing her at times, but I just didn't know if there was more to it than that."

"No, that's all she was willing to allow once I finally met you. She told me flat out that was all she was okay with, not that I didn't want more." I stared at him, trying to read his expressions. "What are you thinking, Steve?" I finally asked when he didn't say anything more right away.

"A lot of things. I love her, Buck – I can't imagine being without her."

"Then you don't have to be, because she's just as crazy about you," I said with a smile. 'I'm still kissing her, though."

He laughed lightly. "Buck, if she's okay with me being with you, I'm okay with you being with her if that's what you both want. It might take me a bit to get used to it, but I won't stand in your way any more."

I hadn't known how much that meant to me until just now. I was feeling so much right now, I just couldn't process it all, but I was happy – overwhelmingly so. I closed the distance between our lips, kissing him deeply, needing to feel his lips on mine. His enthusiastic response fanned the flames and we didn't break apart until Sarah came back in, quietly closing the door behind her and walking over to us, worming her way into our arms.

"I see you guys worked things out." She kissed us both, smiling slightly.

*                   *                      *

Sarah's POV

I woke up well before dawn and decided to go for a run. I carefully disentangled myself from James and Steve, turning to climb over Steve to get up. Steve opened his eyes as I moved over him, though, and I kissed him gently, smiling at him as I moved to climb out of bed.

He kissed me softly, holding me to him. "Where are you going? It's only 4:30."

"Running, want to come with?"

He put his arms around me, chuckling quietly. "There's snow drifts everywhere, doll. You're going to have to bound through them like a rabbit. Why don't you stay here with us and if you still feel like exercise later, we can shovel your driveway. Hmm?" He kissed me again, pulling the covers up over us. "You still look tired; are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah, I feel fine today. You're right, though. I would look like a bunny trying to get through the snow. I haven't heard the plows come through yet, either."

He stroked my face lightly, smiling as I admitted he was right. "So what are we going to do today?"

"Put up Christmas lights outside with my dad and later on set up the Christmas tree and the holiday decorations with my mom."

"Sounds fun; I've never done any of that - not that I know what all of that is."

That surprised me, but if I thought about how poor his family had been growing up, that was probably the truth. "I suppose you wouldn't have, not with the depression going on and then the war right after that. Bucky's never done any of that either?"

"Nope."

"Then I'm glad you're both here this weekend. I think I'm going to put up a little tree in my apartment, too. I love the smell of fresh evergreen."

"Hmm." He rolled me so I was back in the middle of them and put his arm around me. He kissed my temple lightly. "Go back to sleep, doll. Love you."

"Love you more." I curled up between my two large heaters and quickly went back to sleep.

I was the last one out of bed that morning. Both of the guys were already downstairs by the time I woke up again. Maybe I _was_ coming down with something because I never slept that long. I laid there, taking stock, but other than the fatigue, I felt fine.

 

*              *       *

James' POV

"Tell me again _why_ we're on the roof with these weird strings trying to kill ourselves?" I asked, looking over at Steve. He looked great, cheeks pink from the cold and a light dusting of snow in his blond hair.

"Because we're the stupid young guys that volunteered to be on the roof because we thought it would be better for Sarah and her dad to not be on the roof as slick as it is." He grinned at me, showing me he wasn't upset. "Quit complaining, Bucky! You know you're enjoying yourself."

A thought occurred to me and I scooped up a wad of snow and chucked it at Steve, hitting him in the back. "So what if I am?"

Steve yelped and threw a snowball back at me, hitting me in the arm. Next thing I knew, we were throwing snowballs at each other until we were breathless with laughter.

"What are you two doing?" Sarah said, poking her head up from the ladder to see what we were up to. We turned to look at her guiltily, grins on our faces. She laughed at us and shook her head. "If you're done putting up the lights, lets plug them in and go get some hot chocolate."

"We're done. I won!" I shouted, pumping my arms in victory like on that movie we'd watched last week.

"What're you talking about, Buck?" Steve said, coming up behind me. "I clearly won that fight. You were hiding behind the chimney half the time!"

Snowballs hit us both squarely in the face and Sarah laughed as she whooped and jumped down from the ladder, running for the house. I looked at Steve and we both ran for the front and jumped off the roof, cutting her off before she could reach the door.

I grabbed her and swung her over my shoulder with my cybernetic arm, she was laughing so hard she didn't even fight me. "I got her, Steve! Should we toss her into a snowbank?"

"Sounds good to me!" Steve said, grinning.

"No!" She shrieked as I launched her into a snowbank, laying there and laughing, moving her arms and legs. "James, will you pull me up now so I don't mess up my snow angel?"

"What's a snow angel?" I asked, walking over to her. She held out her hand and I pulled her to her feet. She pointed down at the imprint in the snow.

"That's a snow angel. You move your arms and legs to make the outline, but the trick is to get out of it without messing it up."

I kissed her nose lightly. "You're strange sometimes, doll. You know that?"

She tipped her face up to me, kissing me back. "Don't care. You have to make one since you've never done it. Steve, you too!"

"If it'll make you this happy, then sure, we'll make a snow angel."

Steve flopped down on his back in the snow a little bit away from Sarah's angel. I decided to be a good sport and make one, too. I fell back into the snow on her other side.

"What do we do now?" Steve asked.

I laughed as she mimed the action, but did like she showed. When they looked good enough, she pulled us out of our indents and we stood together for a moment to look at our work. She pulled out her phone and took a couple pictures, protesting when I took it from her to take a couple of her, snow stuck in her hair and cheeks bright red from the cold. I still thought she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and I know Steve did, too, the way he stared at her.

Sarah led us inside to thaw and made us large mugs of hot chocolate. I didn't know what it was until now, but it sure tasted good, especially with marshmallows melting on the top of it. She showed me how to make it so I could have more if I wanted to and promised to buy some the next time we went to the grocery store since I liked it so much.

After our break, we trooped to the living room to set up some other stuff. There was a cut down evergreen tree bundled up in the corner that Sarah said we were going to put up, whatever that meant. I watched as she picked up the tree easily and brought it over in front of the window next to a weird metal thing on the floor.

"Dad already trimmed the end for me, so we just have to set it up in the stand. Steve, you position the tree, James, you tell him when it's straight and I'll tighten the screws to hold it in place. Okay?"

I looked over at Steve, who only shrugged, going along with this new craziness. Outdoor trees in houses – what was the world coming to? I determined that Sarah's parents were making the most of our slave labor, because we then had to troop all the way up to the attic to haul down dozens of totes and carry them to the living room.

"What are we doing with all this stuff, doll?" I asked her as she directed us around the room.

"You'll see. They're called decorations; we're using them to decorate the house for Christmas."

"What are decorations?"

She laughed and opened a tote, pulling out some little houses. "Decorations are knick knacks and ornaments that make a place beautiful or remind you of a season. My mom and I love Christmas, so we put this stuff all over the house from now until around New Years."

"So breakable stuff?" I asked as I saw that there was a lot of ceramic in that tote, looking at her for an answer.

"Some of it. You'll see as we get it in place." She turned to greet Betty, who had just walked in the room. "Hi Mom! We got all of the totes down already."

"I see that," Betty said, giving us a warm smile. "Thank you boys for putting up the lights for us. I always worry about Archie climbing up on the roof when it's this slick out. Did you have any problem getting them put up?"

"Nope, not a one," I said with a grin, thinking of the snowball fight.

 

*    *    *

Steve's POV

On the Monday after the Thanksgiving holiday, Sarah and I were finally bringing Bucky in to Shield with us. We'd talked on the way home and he thought he was ready to start getting things in order so he could join the team and work with us. We went in early, long before most people would be there so Bucky wouldn't have to deal with the crowds right away.

"You have your own reserved parking spot, Steve? Really?" Bucky asked, smirking at the sign posted on the wall.

I grinned at him. "Yup. So do the rest of the Avengers, Buck. We're all here at odd hours and usually have to get here in a hurry, so they made us designated spots."

Bucky looked around, searching for something. "Where's your spot, Sarah?"

"I usually park in Steve's since he rides with me. Otherwise I find a spot wherever."

"Aren't you an Avenger?"

"Nope. I'm essential support staff."

"She's an Avenger, Buck. Don't listen to her denials."

"Steve!"

"You are – and we all know it, doll. You can beat half of the team single handedly – I'm pretty sure they all consider you an Avenger, too."

"Nope. I don't have a code name so I'm not officially an Avenger. Avengers floor," Sarah told the elevator our destination.

_Denied. Sargent Barnes does not have clearance for Avengers floor._

"Override by the orders of Rogers, Steven Grant and Evans, Sarah Maria Stark," I said, doing what I had heard Fury do before when I wasn't cleared for what he'd showed me.

 _Confirmed, temporary override accepted_.

"Sorry, I must not have added our floor into your credentials," Sarah said, looking at Bucky apologetically. "I'll fix that as soon as we get to my office."   

"The elevator talks?" Bucky asked, eyes wide as he looked around the glass box.

"It's part of the security features," Sarah replied, smiling. "Think of it kind of like a lesser version of Jarvis."

"Does it have a name?"

"Not that I know of," she said. "It's only set for certain interactions, like the one we just had. It can't sustain a conversation like Jarvis does."

"Oh. It's still pretty neat."

"Yeah, pal, it is," I said, patting his back. "It scans you when you get in based off your biometrics. That's how it knew what your clearances are."

Bucky turned to see out the clear glass that the elevator was made out of, offering a 180 degree view of DC and the Potomac river. "What a view! I could look out at this all day, Steve."

"Wait until it snows – that's when it looks the neatest." Sarah said, grinning at him. "Rain is pretty cool to watch from here, too."

"I thought you'd like to see this," I said, watching him as he remained unaffected by just how high in the air we were; I guess some things did change with time. "I know you're not real fond of heights, but they don't seem to bother you like they did when we were younger.

Bucky shook his head. "They still bother me, but I'm in something, not hanging from a rope hundreds of feet in the air."

"It was a zip line and it wasn't that high up." I said, remembering that day well. It was the last time I'd seen him alive in 1945 and everything about that day was etched into my brain.

"Felt like it was. Who ever came up with the idea of dropping from a zip line onto a train going full speed, anyways?"

"You did when we found out where the train was going to be passing. It was the only way we could board it without having to sneak miles behind enemy lines. Do you remember that?"'

"I do now," he said, looking over at me, a small smile on his lips. "It was still a stupid idea."

 

*         *                 *

Sarah's POV

The elevator stopped, letting us off on the 41st floor. Steve pointed things out to James while I unlocked my office. Maria wasn't in yet and I remembered she said she had some family thing to go to for the holiday and she wasn't sure what time she'd be getting in on Monday. I started up my computer and waited for it to boot, checking my schedule on my phone to see what we all had planned for today. I had a couple of boring meetings I was going to have to sit through before some training time with Natasha later this afternoon. Steve was only required to be at one of the meetings, so I thought maybe he and Natasha could show James around today.

I sent Fury a text, asking if we could bring James in for a meeting with him before I logged in to my computer, changing James' access so he wouldn't have any problems getting back to this floor if he was by himself. Fury's response came as I finished that: **_About damn time. Bring him to my office – both of you._**

"Fury's expecting us all in a couple minutes. I'm going to get some coffee and we can go to his office."

James perked up. "Coffee sounds good. I only had one cup before we left today."

Steve snorted, opening the door and walking out of my office. "Not my fault you didn't want to get out of bed this morning, Buck."

James put his arm around me, pulling me close. "No, I blame Sarah for that. She's just so warm and clingy in the morning."

I slapped him lightly. "I'm _cuddly_ , James – not _clingy_. There's a huge difference." Steve handed me my mug and filled it up before pouring his and James' coffee.

We walked down the hallway to Director Fury's office and I knocked on the door, hearing the click of the lock release and I pushed the door open.

"Morning Nick. How was your weekend?"

"Quiet and boring, Evans. I see you brought me an early Christmas present."

"James, this is Director Nick Fury. Nick, this is James Barnes."

 

*           *               *

James' POV

"Nice to meet you, sir," I said, nodding at the one-eyed black man in front of me. Director Fury held out a hand to me and I took it with my right hand, shaking it firmly but trying to not accidentally crush his hand. Sarah had warned me that he was fully human, so I wasn't to use my strength against him.

"I've waited a long time to meet you, Barnes. That's one hell of a grip you've got there." Fury laughed and clapped me on the back. I immediately slackened my grip, looking at Steve, who didn't seem to be concerned about the handshake.

"Yes, he does," Steve said. "He's almost as strong as I am."

"Have a seat, everyone," Fury said, gesturing at the large conference table in his office. "We've got a lot to talk about. Evans, call in the rest of the team. They should be here, too."

 Sarah looked up from her phone and smiled. "I messaged them before we left the apartment. They're all on their way, other than Tony. He's on his way to Seoul to meet with Dr Cho's team. I'm going to have him on speaker through Jarvis; I can call his suit directly."

Fury shook his head with a small smile on his face, subtly appreciative of her. "You probably better get a hold of Coulson too, or I'll never hear the end of it."

"May's bringing the whole team in, Skye said. Fitz and Simmons heard about my modification and want to see how well it works."

"Modification?"

"For James' arm. Will you show him, James? Please?"

I nodded, reaching under my shirt to touch the sensor to turn the holograph off. Nick laughed and reached in his pocket, pulling out a bill and handing it to Steve, who took it and started laughing as well. Sarah and I just stared at them, sharing a look. She shrugged, not knowing what that was about either.    

"Steve?" I asked when he finally stopped laughing.

"It's a running joke. When I first came back on board with Shield as an Avenger, I said nothing would surprise me anymore. Nick bet me ten bucks that I was wrong, so the first time I was on the helicarrier I paid up. Today is the first time he's paid me, though."

"Helicarrier?"

"It's amazing, Buck," Steve said, a wistful look on his face. "It's a flying aircraft carrier – you have to see it!"

"Like Stark's flying car?"

Steve shook his head. "Better." He turned to look at Sarah with a smile. "Sarah, is Coulson bringing Lola?"

She thought for a moment. "Probably not in this weather. She doesn't like the cold."

"Who's Lola?" I asked, thoroughly confused about why they were talking about a dame right now.

"Lola is a flying car. A '62 Chevy Corvette, if you want to be specific," Sarah said before speaking to the rumpled looking dark haired man coming in the door just then. "Hey Bruce, you're the first one to show up. Were you in your lab already?"

"Never left it. I was in the middle of an experiment, so I stayed the night to make sure it stayed within the parameters."   

Sarah's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms, "Bruce, were you here the whole holiday weekend?"

"N-ooo," he said, stretching out the word and clearly lying.

"Robert Bruce Banner-" Sarah started to say, ready to launch into a lecture when she stopped abruptly, looking over at the door, her whole demeanor changing.

"Yes?" Bruce asked, a small smile on his face. I almost thought he said those kinds of things just to see her reaction. She certainly was predicable about some things, I'd learned. I looked around to see what would have gotten that kind of reaction from her, only seeing an average looking, solidly built man in fatigues and combat boots.

"We'll talk later," she said, indicating the conversation wasn't over. She turned her back to the man, her body language literally screaming that she wanted nothing to do with him and he wasn't welcome here. She went to refill her coffee cup, giving her an excuse for her behavior. The man walked directly to Fury, reporting in to him and Steve, I guessed, basing my assumption off his behavior. I didn't hear what he was saying to them.

"Who is that?" I asked Bruce, who was standing close to me.

"Brock Rumlow. He's second-in-command of the Strike teams under Steve. I don't know why Sarah doesn't like him, but I'm sure there's a valid reason."

"Steve doesn't like him," I said studying the group of men closer, "or trust him. See how rigid his stance has become?"

"Interesting. I'd never noticed that before, not that I personally have to deal with Rumlow often. He's not the type of man I tend to choose to associate with."

"Like me? You always seem so nervous around me, Doc."

"I'm sorry, James. That isn't my intention. I find you pleasant and interesting to talk to, but a part of me isn't comfortable around you yet."

"Are you afraid of me?"

He gave a small laugh. "No, I'm just not used to you. Don't get me wrong, I know you're more like Natasha – a spy and an assassin, but you're a more dangerous weapon than I'm comfortable with being around."

"I don't do that anymore." I said, holding his eyes.

"I know," Bruce said after a moment. "That's why we're still talking, James. You've chosen to leave that life behind you. But if you join this team, you'll have to decide how much of your particular skill set you are willing to use for Shield."

"I'm not doing this for Shield. I'm doing this for Steve and Sarah. I need to know that they're safe – I can't stand seeing them come home bandaged and bruised any more, knowing I can't do anything about it."

"Ahh. That makes more sense. You care for them both, don't you?"

I nodded, not wanting to speak just then. The man called Rumlow gave me a quick, intense look before he turned and left the room and I wondered why he was staring before I realized I hadn't turned the hologram back on yet.

A commotion at the door made me look over to see a group of people I'd never met coming in. Sarah moved to intercept them, keeping them from coming straight for me. Of the five, she brought over only an older man in his late thirties or early forties, with light brown hair and an open face.

"James, I'd like you to meet Agent Phil Coulson. He's a good friend of Steve and I," Sarah said as I held out my human hand and he took it, clasping it firmly but not overly so. "Phil, this is James Barnes." She gave him a wide grin, leaning in to say, "Steve's the only one who calls him Bucky; we all call him James."

"Nice to meet you, James. I almost didn't believe Agent Romanoff when she told me they'd found you in Kiev a while back," Coulson let go of my hand to gesture at the petite Asian woman who'd come over to join us. "This is Agent May, my second and my pilot."

"Barnes," May said, smiling slightly as she shook my hand, her grip firmer than I expected.

Three younger agents, about Sarah's age came up to me then, visibly excited. For once, it wasn't because they were meeting Steve, which amused me to no end.

"James, this is the rest of my team," Coulson said. "Agent Skye is our tech expert."

"Hey – so you're the guy I've heard so much about," the pretty brunette said, giving me a once over and clearly liking what she saw. I looked back over at Coulson, who took that as a hint to introduce the other two people.

"This is Jemma Simmons," he indicated another pretty brunette, who smiled at me. "And this is Leo Fitz; together they make up our research and development team."

"A pleasure to meet you, James," Fitz said, holding his hand out first. I shook it, looking over the small brown haired man, surprised at the Scottish accent I heard.

"Yes, it's not every day that part of Shield history is rewritten," Simmons finished and her British accent made me look at her closer. "Would you mind terribly if we had a closer look at your cybernetic arm when the meeting is over?"

"Sarah said she and Tony modified your circuitry," Fitz started.

"To accept a camouflage microchip," Simmons finished.

"They did," I said, touching the sensor to activate the holograph. "And it works, mostly. We're still testing this version out."

"That is so cool!" Skye said, poking my arm with one finger. "It feels like metal but looks like skin."

"It's a little trippy until you get used to it," Sarah said, coming up beside me. "We're almost ready to get started if y'all want to grab a seat."

The group broke up and I looked down at her, smiling slightly. "Did I look like I needed rescuing?"

"Not really, but we do need to take our seats," Sarah said, taking my arm and firmly steering me to the table when I didn't move. "What did you think of them?"

"They're very young," I said quietly.

"So am I compared to you, Steve and Nat. They're very good at what they do, though. Coulson wouldn't have chosen them otherwise."

"You respect him," I stated, looking over at the older man. If she respected him, then he must be worthy of it. I'd learned she was a good judge of character, which helped me immensely in my attempt to determine who I should or shouldn't associate with. Her next statement affirmed that.

"Yes. May too. They've both been agents longer than I've been alive and they're good people. I trust the whole team he brought today implicitly, James." Which meant if there was more to Coulson's team, she didn't trust them.

I voiced another thought that occurred to me. "You don't trust Rumlow."

"No, I don't. That's a story for another day, though," she said briskly. "You're supposed to sit next to Steve. I've got work to do now."

"I'm going," I said with a smile. I took my seat next to Steve, looking around the table at everyone gathered this morning and suddenly glad that I'd decided I was ready to get back into things, even if I had to do paperwork and talk to head doctors.

 


	23. Agent Barnes

Sarah's POV

I dialed Tony's suit, and he answered right away. "Hey Papi, we're ready to get started."

"Morning, kitten. I wish I could be there, but Helen says she really needs my help on this project."

"Your curiosity got the better of you since she wouldn't tell you about it until you agreed to help?" I said, smiling to myself. Tony wasn't a hard man to understand, for the most part.

"Maybe," Tony said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "So Barnes is ready to join the team?"

"Yup. We talked about it on the way back from Princeton yesterday, and he says he wants to do this."

"You don't think he's ready?" Tony asked seriously.

"It's not that. He's ready," I said, which was the truth. I was just concerned about how he was going to handle all of this today. "I'm going to put you on speaker now, okay Tony?"

"Okay," he said, waiting for the call to switch over. "Hey everyone. Who's all there?"

"Nick, Agents Coulson, May, Skye, FitzSimmons, Steve, Bruce, Natasha, Clint, James and me." I said, rattling off everyone and letting them greet Tony.

I let Nick run the meeting, mostly just listening as everyone got a chance to speak for or against James joining the Avengers. Everyone was for him getting back into action, but the team knew about his episodes and had some reservation about what would happen to him in the field.

"James, are there any concerns you have about joining the team? Anything you need to work through before you could go in the field again?"

"My memory is mostly starting to come back, but I think I need to find a way to get rid of my residual programming," James said, looking at Steve.

"Can you elaborate on that, James?" Coulson asked, looking troubled.

"The last mission I was given by Hydra – the only one I failed to complete – was to hunt Steve," James said slowly. "I didn't know him at the time; I'd been wiped before that mission again because I'd been out of cryo too long for them to program me otherwise. There's been two times since I've returned that I've sleep walked and threatened him."

"Only once, actually. You didn't threaten him the first time," I said, my heart beating a little faster. I knew this subject would come up eventually, but that didn't make it any easier to talk about.

"Evans, what do you know about this?" Nick asked, focusing on me and leaning back in his chair. "Were you there when this happened?"

I shared a look with Steve, and he nodded, putting one arm on the back of my chair. James reached for my hand, holding it tightly in his as he struggled for control.

"Yes, I was there both times," I said. "James didn't actually go after Steve the first time. James initially stayed with me for two weeks until Steve got back from his mission." I paused, trying to decide how best to tell what happened. Nick made a motion for me to continue, so I took a deep breath and kept going. "Steve stayed over that night and James slept on the couch. I'm a pretty light sleeper, so I heard James when he started talking in Russian in his sleep, repeating orders for an assassination over and over. He didn't act on them, though and I got him to go back to sleep and went back to bed."

"And the second time?" Tony asked, his voice strained; I knew we were going to be having a private conversation later. He hated it when I put myself in harms way, no matter how good of a reason I had for doing it.

"The second time was after James moved in with me," Steve said, picking up the story. "We moved another bed into my apartment and he was sleeping on the other side of the room from me. I woke up when he started talking in Russian, but I couldn't understand him. I called Sarah and she was there by the time he'd aimed a gun at me."

"He thought Steve was one of his handlers and that he was acting strangely." I tapped my phone, sending the transcript from the conversation to the large screen on the wall and texting it to Tony. "As you can see, I spoke to him as if I were his superior and got as many details as I could from him because when he snapped out of it, he didn't remember anything he'd told me. This whole conversation was in Russian, by the way; it wasn't James I was talking to, it was the Winter Soldier. Different stance, intonation – everything. I've never seen anything like it before."

I gave them a moment to read the conversation, looking over at James, who had closed his eyes. I squeezed his hand and he looked at me sadly, still feeling bad about that incident.

"Has this ever happened during the day?"

"No, not as long as I've known him," I said. "Natasha? You've known him longer than I have."

"He was pretty much the same then as he is now; he was only the Winter Soldier when they sent him on missions, but then they prepped him before each one and put him back in cryofreeze as soon as he'd made his report."    

"Wait – so you're saying that he'd be thawed to do missions and then refroze as soon as he completed it and reported in?" Skye asked, aghast at his treatment. "That's messed up."

"Yes, it is. That's Hydra for you, Skye," Natasha said, her expression unreadable. "He was only taken out for the most important assassinations. The Winter Soldier was Hydra's greatest asset."

"What does this mean in terms of the team?" May asked. "James, are you a threat to anyone on your team while you're awake?"

"Not unless someone uses my activation words." He said, meeting her gaze.

"How many words?" Fitz asked.

"Any specific order or language?" Simmons asked.

"Nine," James said, looking around the table. "Yes, they have a certain order and language. English isn't it, thank God."

May looked at him consideringly. "Do you have a knockout word – like an off switch?"

"Yes," James said. "They needed to have absolute control over me at all times."

"What happens when that word is used?" Tony asked.

"I drop like a rock for an hour, maybe longer. I'm not really sure."

"Will you tell Captain Rogers the word to use in a worst case scenario?" Coulson asked, looking between James and Steve.

James nodded, "Yes. Sarah and Natalia may know it as well. I trust them to use it if they need to."

Natasha and I shared a look before nodding. "That's probably a good idea, James. Just in case Steve can't speak at the time."

"So can I join the team, Sir?" James said, looking down the table at Fury.

"Let's take a vote. Raise your hand if you don't believe James Barnes should join the Avengers." Not a single hand went up, to my eternal thanks. Nick smiled slightly, making him look roguish. "Raise your hand if you're in favor of Barnes joining the team."

All of our hands went up, bringing a surprised smile to James' face. He looked around the table, and it was like a weight was lifted off of him. He looked more like the old photos I'd seen of him – happy and laughing.

"Welcome to Shield, Agent Barnes," Nick said and we started clapping. "It's good to have you back on our side again."

"Welcome to the team, Barnes," Tony said. "See you when I get back to DC."

"Thanks, Tony." James said. Tony ended the call and I turned the line off.

"Does that mean Bucky's name'll be taken off the Wall of Valor?" Skye asked.

Nick shook his head. "His name was added at the special request of Peggy Carter, along with Cap's. We wouldn't have won WWII without them."

 

*               *              *

James' POV

I only felt relief that this was all over and everyone was okay with me joining the team. I hadn't realized how much I'd wanted it until now.   

"What's the Wall of Valor?" I asked Sarah as we stood up, the meeting finally over.

"Why don't you ask Skye about it, James?" she said with a grin, gesturing at the approaching brunette. I gave Sarah a look and she laughed. "She won't bite – she's a friend of mine. She's scary good with computers."

"Like you?"

"Better than me. I asked her to come so we could try a new chip in your arm."

"Oh. So you trust her?"

"She wouldn't be here if I didn't. Everyone here is completely trustworthy, but you can decide that for yourself, you know. I have to get to another meeting, but I'll see you later." Sarah left me standing there as Skye stopped in front of me.

The shorter girl gave me a smile, but it was a sad one. "It's all right if you don't trust me right away, James. I'm pretty new to Shield myself still and I was a hacker for a long time."

I felt guilty for making her think it was her fault I didn't trust her yet. "It's not you, miss. It's me," I sighed. "There aren't very many people that I trust yet."

"Call me Skye; I suppose not if you were always treated like a weapon. So you really didn't remember anything about yourself when Sarah found you?"

"How do you know that?"

"I read the mission reports from when they found you in Kiev. Pretty sure they left a lot out, though. I'm sure it took more than a conversation to convince you to go rogue."

"Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. You've met Sarah – she can be pretty convincing when she wants to be."

"You're avoiding answering the question, so it _did_ take more than just a conversation. I'm so cornering  Sarah to spill the details on this." Skye said gleefully.

"Are you always this forward?" I asked, exasperated by this girl.

"Yup. Can I call you Bucky?"

"I don't know who Bucky is anymore. If I ever remember being him, then yes. Until then, I'll go by James."

"Not Jamie or Jim?" I gave her a look and she laughed, holding her hands up in front of her. "I'll take that as a 'no'. James it is. You ready to show us your arm? FitzSimmons and I have a couple things we need to check out before you'll be ready for the new chip." She gestured to the young scientists I'd met earlier who were talking to Bruce.

"Are you going to ask me questions the whole time?"

"Probably," she said with a grin. "Why?"

"You talk a lot, even for a girl."

"And here I thought you were supposed to be the charming one," she teased, winking at me.

I shook my head, denying her statement. "Steve's the charming one, not me."

"That's not what I heard. He's told me stories about when you used to hang out before the war. I know what he looked like back then – women weren't exactly lining up to dance with him until '43."

"What did he tell you?"

"Only the good stuff," she said, her smile falling when I froze, a memory falling back into place. She touched my arm lightly. "Are you okay?"

I smiled at her, happy still from the snippet. "I just remembered a conversation I had with Steve the night before I shipped out." It was the last time I'd seen small Steve. The next time I'd see him, he'd look the way he did now, taller and more muscular.

"Was it a good memory?" Skye asked, her dark brown eyes searching my face carefully.

"Yeah, it is." I looked over at Steve, who was deep in conversation with Fury and Coulson.

"Good," she said quietly before smiling at me again. "Come on, James. It's time to go play with the equipment," she took my metal hand in hers and pulled me over to the group of scientists.

I let her lead, surprised that the cold metal didn't seem to bother her. Bruce led us to his lab and I listened to their chatter as we walked, Skye talking at Bruce animatedly. Fitz and Simmons were talking between themselves, finishing each other sentences. They were even more in sync with each other than Sarah and Jace were; it was like they were sharing a brain.

I stared at all the equipment and computers in the lab we were let into. There were papers everywhere, along with abandoned coffee cups and a well used cot in one corner. Bruce must spend a lot of time here to have his bed here as well. Bruce pointed to a spot on the floor and looked at me.   

"If you'll stand here, James, I can scan you so we can see what's under the metal – if there is anything under it."

"Can I see you scan someone else first?" I asked, not sure what I was getting into. Bruce nodded and looked at Skye, who raised an eyebrow at me and came over to stand on the spot he'd indicated.

"Arms straight out, Skye." A light surrounded her briefly and then a 3D picture showed up on a different screen. "All done."

"It didn't hurt at all, James," she said, smiling at me. I nodded and stepped onto the spot, holding out my arms and closing my eyes at the bright light.

The scan they did was pretty neat. It was like a combination of an x-ray and photograph; it showed where all of my major injuries had been. There wasn't any of my original arm under the metal, and my left collar bone and shoulder blade were made of metal as well. I'd had multiple broken bones in the past and still had the remnants of several bullets in my abdomen from the last time I'd been shot, about a month before I'd met Sarah in Kiev.

Bruce gestured for me to take a seat. "If you don't mind, James, I also need a sample of your blood to run a couple tests. Will the needles upset you?"

"I don't know; I don't think so as long as you all are in my line of sight. I have no reason to distrust any of you." I looked around, seeing that Fitz and Simmons were occupied with the scan up on the screens, talking rapidly and typing on the computer.

"Understandable. If at any time you feel anxious or uncomfortable, we can stop and call Steve or Sarah for you."

"I don't want to hurt anyone, Doc," I said, starting to feel a little anxious but not wanting to have to rely on Steve and Sarah as much as I did.

"James, you won't be able to hurt me," Bruce said with a self-depreciating smile. "If I start to turn green, my lab AI will contact the team and tell them to get here immediately."

"James, do you want me to get Steve?" Skye asked, coming closer to me. I looked at her, thinking for a moment before nodding. I didn't feel like I was completely in control right now. She pulled out her phone and tapped at it for moment. "I don't have Steve's number, so I'll ask Sarah to send him down."

I nodded, not sure what to say. After a moment, she looked up and smiled. "He's on his way. So do we get to actually see your whole arm, James?"

 

*          *       *

Steve's POV

I wondered how Bucky was getting along with Bruce and the young scientists Coulson brought with him. I knew from working with them earlier that they could be a lot to take in right away. They were all nice, just not what I was used to – or Bucky, for that matter. I tried to focus on what Rumlow was saying, but I was finding it harder than usual to keep my mind on work today for some reason.

I kept my phone out in front of me, hoping that it wouldn't be chirping at me because that would mean that Bucky wasn't okay. Enough time had passed now that I thought he was doing okay and started to relax, speaking up to give the team my read of the situation. The meeting was almost over when my phone buzzed, making me pick it up and read the message from Sarah.

_**Bucky needs you. Bruce's lab** _

I stood up quickly, "Excuse me, gentlemen, but something urgent has come up. We'll continue this tomorrow." I didn't wait for their response, heading for Bruce's lab as quickly as I could without calling undue attention to myself.

I swiped into the lab, seeing Bucky standing by Bruce's desk, his stiff posture telling me that he was uncomfortable. Skye was standing in front of him with Fitz and Simmons over by the holo-scanner, inspecting what I assumed was a scan of Bucky. Bucky thankfully didn't look like he was losing control, so I stayed back for a moment, just listening to their conversation to see how he was doing.

"It's not pretty, how they attached it to me," Bucky said to Skye, his human hand covering his cybernetic one, shielding it from her eyes. She wasn't fazed by him, coming closer and touching his hand with hers.

"Dude, you're like 95 years old, look like you're 25 and have a metal arm," Skye replied. "None of that matters to me; my other friend is part cyborg now and I'd say he looks a lot worse than you."

"All right, but don't say I didn't warn you," Bucky said, giving in to her prodding.

"Roger that, Barnes," she said, and I could hear the smirk in her voice.

Bucky stood back up and pulled his shirt off, watching her reaction. It didn't look like Skye was bothered by seeing him this way, but Bucky didn't like being the center of attention – not like he used to when we were younger. Too many years of being an assassin had changed him.

Fitz and Simmons were speaking quietly to themselves as they moved around him, but I didn't understand half of the words they were using. Bruce had seen Bucky's arm before at Tony's, so he stood back far enough that they could get a closer look but close enough to move them if Bucky didn't like what they were doing.

"Are they still speaking English?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow, his breathing perceptibly getting shallower and faster, making my decision for me.

I moved forward; he was starting to panic, and I didn't want him to get any more upset because then it would take a lot longer to calm him down. Skye didn't know that he was so close to losing it, because she kept talking like nothing was happening.

"Yeah, they get like this when they get excited about something," she snorted a laugh and gestured at the duo. "I don't understand a fraction of what they're saying, either. Not gunna lie, though – your arm's pretty cool, James."

 "Thanks," Bucky said distractedly, his expression brightening when he saw me moving towards him. "Hey Steve, you made it."

Relief colored his voice as I came to a stop right in front of him, close enough for him to touch me if he needed to, but as always, letting him make the choice. My eyes attempted to search his in concern, but he was avoiding meeting my eyes, reaching for me instead. I moved closer to him, opening my arms to him.

"What's wrong, Buck?" I asked as he pulled me into a hug –  using only his human arm, which meant he was afraid that he'd hurt me if he used his cybernetic one. My arms tightening around him as I felt him take a deep breath, his chest moving against mine. He sounded a little off when he finally spoke, which told me he was even more upset than he was letting on.

"It's probably nothing, but Doc here says he wants to take some blood, but I don't know how I'll react to that." Bucky lowered his voice so I could barely hear him. "Stevie, I don't...I don't feel like I'm in control right now."

I ran my hands over his back soothingly, feeling how tense he was. "What do you want me to do, pal? I won't hold you down. That's not how we do things here at Shield; it's not necessary."

"I just need you to be here, I guess. I don't feel threatened by Bruce or anything, but..."

I pulled back so he could meet my eyes. "I understand. It's kind of like when the hot water didn't work last week and I got an ice cold shower?"

He nodded, thinking about that. It hadn't been one of my better moments – they didn't happen often, but when they did, they hit me hard. He'd found me almost unresponsive, curled up on the floor of the shower with the cold water still running, unable to move. It had taken all day for me to uncurl from that ball; by the time Sarah got home, I was finally speaking again. He'd stayed with me the entire time, carrying me out of the bathroom and wrapping me in blankets, just holding me the whole time because I'd needed him to.

"Yeah," he said quietly, and I knew he understood what I was trying to say. "I remember," he swallowed hard, his hand fisting the material of my uniform behind my shoulder blade. "I remember the tests they used to do on me, Stevie – I don't want to hurt anyone; not your friends. I don't do that anymore – hurt people."

I leaned my forehead on his, bringing one hand up to touch his face. "You don't unless they deserve it and you're right, our friends don't need to be hurt accidentally. How 'bout I stand here and talk to you while Bruce does his thing? I'll make sure you don't hurt anyone."

I stared into his cerulean eyes as they focused on mine; they were earnest – and a little scared – but he finally nodded his agreement. I didn't want to force him to do anything; it needed to be his choice, even if it wasn't what I wanted it to be.

"You ready to do this, Doc?" Bucky asked, finding his courage. We both looked at Bruce, who nodded and came closer.

"I'm ready if you are, James. You have excellent veins from what I can tell, so this shouldn't take long. You can certainly stay standing if that's more comfortable for you." He turned to look at the younger scientists. "Fitz, Simmons, will you two start up the equipment for me?"

"Right away, Dr Banner," Fitz said, walking over to some equipment but still in Bucky's line of sight.

"Do you want slides prepared as well?" Simmons asked, turning on another machine behind me, but where he could see her.

"That would be nice, thank you, Jemma," Bruce said, setting several things down on the table nearest me. Bucky let go of me and I took a step to the side so Bruce would have a little more room, still within reach.

"You should stand back, Skye," Bucky said earnestly when it became apparent that she wasn't intending to move away from him – and out of his reach. "I don't want to hurt you if I lose control."

"You're not a monster, James." Skye said, touching his metal arm. "If you don't want to hurt me, you won't." I smiled at her optimism, hoping that she would be right. I'd stop Bucky before he'd be able to touch her, but I was hoping I wouldn't have to. She smiled, taking her hand off him, to my relief. "Did Sarah ever tell you about how we met?"

"No," Bucky said, closing his eyes as he felt Bruce prepping his arm with alcohol swabs. "I'd wondered, though."

"Me, too," I said, smiling. "I'm assuming it involves computers." Bucky opened his eyes again, meeting my gaze.

Skye laughed and started telling the story, adding explanations that made it understandable for us.

 

*           *              *

James' POV

Skye smiled and talked a mile a minute, telling us the story. I felt myself starting to relax, not paying much attention to Bruce as he tied the tourniquet. Steve put his hand on my shoulder when I tensed as the needle entered me, but it wasn't a restraining hand, it was supportive. I watched Bruce out of the corner of my eye as he drew, his motions steady and confident – as nonthreatening as possible. He took a fair amount, but I assumed that was because he didn't want to have to ask me for more later if he didn't get enough today.

Bruce was done before Skye finished her story, the feel of the needle leaving my skin making me tense again. Steve's hand moved to my neck, his thumb lightly rubbing my jawline. I let my arm fall to my side, meeting Steve's eyes. He smiled and let go of me, and I immediately felt the loss of his warmth. I turned my attention to the pretty brunette beside us, laughing at the funny parts as she animatedly explained something I didn't totally understand.

"And that's how I became friends with Sarah," Skye concluded. She touched my arm again gently. "It looked like you did pretty well there, James."

I shook my head, knowing how close I had been to losing control of myself before Steve had shown up. I could tell she wanted me to say something, so I explained for her. "It was better, having Steve here. I know he's stronger than me."

"So were you given the same serum as Steve?" Skye asked, looking at me curiously.

"Not quite, we don't think. Bruce would probably know the answer to that better than me."

"That's one of the things we need to find out," Bruce said. "It would seem that you are very similar in most regards, but there are disparities that we need to explore further." He turned to Steve, looking at him assessingly. "Steve, since you're here, would you be willing to give me another sample of your blood to run against James'? I'd like to have Fitz and Simmons verify my work while they're here. Helen is too busy with her own projects right now to collaborate with me very much and this is beyond Tony's ken."

"Of course, Bruce," Steve said, starting to undo his uniform top so he could get one arm out of his sleeve for the scientist. "Will you need some of Sarah's, too?"

Bruce quickly prepped Steve to start drawing. "Yes, and Natasha's. So far you all have different serums and they don't play nice together."

"Skye, I think you have something on your face," I said, tapping my chin when I saw her reaction to Steve stripping.

"What?" she said, looking back at me, touching her chin and looking confused.

"Drool," I said, laughing.

She grinned and lightly slugged my arm. "Maybe a little. It's not everyday I get front row tickets to this good of a gun show." She gestured at ,me and then Steve's arm. "Steve, I think your arm is larger than my body."

I snorted and crossed my arms. "It's not our fault you're so tiny. What does that make me, chopped liver?"

Steve laughed and held his arm out for Bruce. "Nope, definitely not that!"

"And you!" Skye said, poking my chest. "You look like you're just as big as Steve."

"How did you not see her drooling when you took your shirt off earlier, James?" Simmons chimed in, grinning.

I shrugged, getting ready to pull my shirt back on. "I'm slightly smaller than Steve, actually – and I was more concerned about not freaking out at the moment."

"Like you were any better, Jemma!" Skye said with a grin at the other woman, grabbing my shirt and tossing it over her shoulder haphazardly as Steve and Fitz laughed. "And leave that off, I need to connect in to run some diagnostics on your current chip. Where's your access port?"

I opened it for her, leaning down so she could see what kind of cable she would need to connect in with. Sarah said there were different cables for different uses and only certain ones fit in this port.

"Mini USB?" she asked, standing on her tiptoes to see it, one hand on me for balance. "Is this new?"

"Yes. Sarah and Tony had to install it because the old one was too...outmodeled?" I said, searching for the right word. I knew that wasn't quite right, but it was close.

"Outdated?" Skye said as she rummaged through a shoulder bag, pulling out a laptop and some cords.

"Yes, that. This one is supposed to be the most current since there wasn't enough room for the same one as my phone."

"And that one didn't work with his wiring," Steve added. "Tony tried it, but it made Bucky's arm malfunction, so he had to step it back down to this one."

"Makes sense," she said distractedly, rummaging through her bag. "Android and iOS don't play well together – you have to pick either one or the other. I didn't bring one of those with me, though. Dr Banner, where are your extra cables at?" Skye set up her computer on a table next to me, booting it up and starting to type, looking very focused for the moment. I studied her while she worked, curious about this strange woman.

"I'll get you one in a moment, Skye. It's easier than trying to tell you. All done, Steve." Bruce said, pulling the needle from Steve's arm.   

"Did you get enough, Bruce? That doesn't look like very much." Steve said as he put his shirt back on, fastening it up.

"For these tests, yes. I'm not running all the different panels on you this time - just on James. Thanks, Steve." Bruce focused on writing on the vials he'd taken from Steve, and I was sure he wasn't paying any attention to us right now.

"No problem," Steve said, turning his attention back to me. "Bucky, are you all right being here with Bruce, Skye and FitzSimmons?"

"I think so," I said, looking over at the duo chattering over the machines. "But will you give Skye your phone number so she can call you if I need you again?"

"Sure, pal. Try not to have too much fun with all this science stuff, okay?" His cobalt eyes danced, knowing I loved seeing all this technology at work. I'd always liked this kind of stuff – inventions – new things that never existed before.

"There's no such thing as too much fun," I said with a grin and we laughed together.

"That was a horrible song, Buck! You hated it – and country music in general."

"So what? You did, too! We don't live in the country, so it's not like I _have_ to like it."

"See you in a couple hours, Jerk; I have to go sit in on another meeting."

"Punk," I said as I pulled in him for another hug, rubbing my whiskered cheek against his smooth one briefly, thankful for his unconditional friendship. He'd probably gotten himself in trouble by leaving his meeting to come calm me down.

"Skye, will you put your number in my phone so you can call me if Bucky needs me again?" Steve said, handing his phone to the brunette, who smiled and nodded.

"Sure, Steve." Skye said, taking it and tapping for a bit. "I just sent myself a message so I can put your number in my phone." She handed back to Steve, grinning mischievously.

"Should I be worried?" he said, giving her a skeptical glance.

"Noooo, why would you be worried, Captain?"

Steve looked at what she sent and burst out laughing. "Skye – _really_?"

"Yeah? What's wrong?"

"I'm not even going to answer that! Be nice to Bucky, okay?"

"I'm always nice!" she said, pushing her hair back out of her way and waving him out of the lab. He sighed and left, and I looked at her curiously.

"What did you send?"

She pulled her phone out and showed me. She'd taken a picture of Steve's butt and sent it to herself with two words, **Captain Assmerica**. I burst out laughing and handed it back to her.

"Nice. What would you call me?"

"I'll get back to you on that, Barnes." She leaned over the computer, typing quickly. "Did you know that you're a ghost? There's nothing about you anywhere after 1945? Didn't the Russians believe in using technology?"

I smiled, having already had this conversation with Sarah. "My file would be only on paper and restricted to certain people. The Kremlin has always been paranoid about spies and having sensitive information being taken."

"I'd say. There's nothing on the Shield databases about you, either."

"If there is, would you have clearance for it?"

She scoffed at me. "I'm a hacker, James. I can get into almost everything except Fury's private server because it's not connected to any of Shield's systems – not even wifi."

"Here's that cable, Skye," Bruce said, coming back over to us and handing her the cord. "Do you need any others?"

"Nope, just needed this one. Thanks, Dr Banner." Skye said as she moved closer to me, reaching up to connect me in.

"James, just let me know if you need anything. We're going to be over there running some different genetic tests while Skye has you connected in," Bruce said, pushing his glasses back up on his nose.

I nodded and Bruce turned to go back over to his work. Skye patted me on my shoulder, dropping back down from tiptoe. "James, will you please sit down so I can see what I'm doing? I'm having issues getting this in."

"Of course, sorry," I said, immediately sitting down on the chair beside her and shifting so I'd be able to see what she was doing while I was connected. "It was the only place that worked to add the port in."

She leaned over me, her long brown hair tickling my neck as she fiddled with the cord until I felt it slide into the port. "Success! We're in business now, baby." She plugged the cord into her laptop and I felt the familiar tingle of data transmission. "I understand why they chose that spot; I'm just not tall enough when you're standing."

"So why were you looking me up?" I asked, continuing our earlier conversation.

"Just curious. I'd never heard of the Winter Soldier until you were found."

"I thought you were just working on my arm."

She grinned, looking up from her computer. "I am – your schematics are currently downloading at a snails pace. You're in dire need of an upgrade, James."

"I think Sarah and Tony are working on that already, but they need a surgeon they can trust." I flexed my cybernetic arm, drawing her eyes to it. "This is hardwired into my nervous system."

"So you can feel with it? Can you feel the download? Does it hurt?"

"I can feel it; it's neither pleasant or unpleasant. I'm used to it being worked on before and after missions. Skye, can I ask you something?" I said, watching her typing rapidly.

"Sure," she answered distractedly. "I can't promise I know the answer, though."

"It's not about my arm, well, not directly. Why are you not afraid of me?"

She looked over at me, her fingers pausing. "Do you want me to be? I might be able to pretend if I have to or something. I was in a play in 6th grade once; I was the best tree in the whole damn forest."

I smiled at her less than serious response. "No, I just don't understand why you're not."

"You haven't given me a reason to be afraid of you, James. When you were with Hydra, did everyone always act like they were afraid of you?"

"There was no act about it; I routinely made grown men wet themselves when they saw me coming towards them in my battlesuit. I was not to be looked at or spoken to unless it was to give me orders or hear my mission reports; violators were punished harshly."

She looked troubled by this. "So they cut you off from pretty much all human contact unless they needed your skills? Even going so far as to put you in cryo to keep you isolated? Damn, James – no wonder you want a piece of them so badly. I would too if they grounded me for almost 70 years!" She put her hand on me again, squeezing my forearm. I looked down at her small, delicate hands, surprised that she would willingly touch me.

 

*                  *

Several hours later, Skye was finally done with my arm and disconnected me. Time had passed quicker than I thought, bantering with her and watching the trio of scientists at work. Skye looked over at me while she packed up her computer and gave Bruce back his cord. "Do you want to see our jet, James? I want to put my stuff away and grab a couple things."

"Sure, it'll be a while before Steve or Sarah are done for the day yet."

We walked out of the lab and I followed her to the roof. There was a jet parked there. She put her hand on a scanner and the cargo ramp opened up to let us in. "This is the Quinjet we use for things like this otherwise, we are on a flying mobile command jet. This docks on top so we can take it with us wherever we go."

 While she put her stuff away, I looked around in amazement. This was the most advanced jet I'd ever seen – with both vertical and normal takeoff capabilities. I turned to see what Skye was doing and almost knocked her over in the process; I hadn't realized she was walking right beside me. She gasped when I caught her before she fell, grabbing her by her arms and putting her back on her feet. The second she was steady I dropped my hands from her, afraid that I'd held her too hard.

"Are you all right? I didn't bruise you, did I?"

She shook her head, clearing it. "That was like walking into a wall. _Holy shit_ you are _solid_ , James."

I noticed she didn't answer the question, which only increased my unease. "Did I hurt you? Let's go get you scanned." I swept her up in my arms, ready to run her back down to the lab.

"Put me down, James! I'm okay," she said, trying to wriggle out of my arms but not getting anywhere. "I don't need a scan!" She gave up on her struggle and looked at me for a moment, searching my face. "Are you all right? You seem a little anxious." She put her hand on my face, stroking it lightly as she waited for my answer.

"You're human, Skye. I know what I'm capable of – I could've broken your arms."

"You didn't, I'm fine. You can put me down now, though. I know I'm not that light."

"You don't weigh much over a hundred pounds – if you even weigh that much," I said, smiling.   

She rolled her eyes at me, but smiled. "Thanks for catching me but I really can walk, believe it or not." I let go of her, letting her slide down me to her feet. "You are quite stubborn for someone so small."

"I know," she said with a grin. She suddenly stretched up on her tiptoes, putting one hand on my face. Her lips met mine, softly kissing me.

It was different, kissing her, and I wasn't sure why at first. It didn't feel anything like when I kissed Sarah or Steve, but it took me a couple moments to realize that it was because I didn't feel anything for her, not love, not desire, not need. The kiss was pleasant, but I was in control of myself.

"Why did you do that?" I asked her curiously when she pulled away after only a few moments. "And why do you taste like strawberries?" I licked my lower lip, sure that it was also on my lips now, too.

"Curiosity – I wondered what you kissed like, and I wear strawberry flavored lip gloss." she grinned, holding up a small tube.

"Oh," I said.

I didn't know you could flavor your lips, so that was new. While she kissed well, I wasn't interested in her romantically, just as a friend. She seemed to feel the same way because she tucked the tube back in her pocket and smiled up at me.

"Ready to head back to the lab?"

I offered her my arm and she took it after shaking her head at me first. "Yeah. And I still think you should get scanned."

We bickered comfortably the whole way down to the Avengers floor, my card working when Skye's didn't. Sarah was in her office when we passed by, so we stopped in to talk to her.


	24. Strawberry Lipgloss

Sarah's POV

I looked up from my reports to see Skye and James standing there. "Hey guys," I said, pulling my headphones off and pausing the audio file I was listening to. "Done already?"

"Yup. I tweaked a few things, but nothing major," Skye said.

"How much longer until you're done for the day?" James asked, looking at the stacks of paper on my desk.

"I don't know. If I can't come up with a band-aid for this problem in Syria, I'm going to have to fly out tonight to take care of it myself."

"Why you?" James asked gruffly, letting me know how he felt about that.

"Because that's what I do, James. I fix Shield's problems before they become international incidents."

"<I don't want you to go.>" He said in Russian, starting to become visibly upset. "<Is it Hydra?>"

"<Not Hydra, but still a pain in my ass. They call themselves the Ten Rings and I've been working on taking them down for the last six months. If I have to go, Clint and a Strike team will be coming with me. I won't be going alone, if that's what's bothering you.>"

Out of James' line of sight, Skye signaled that she was going to wait outside, understanding that this wasn't something she needed to be involved in right now and pulling the door shut behind her.

"<That's part of it – I trust Clint, but I still don't want you to go, doll.>"

I sighed, knowing that he was digging in his heels. I switched back to English, knowing the door was soundproof. "I know, but if you're joining this team, the next time you might be coming with me. The sooner I go, the sooner I get back."

James took my hand, guiding me around the desk and into his arms. "<You won't be home tonight, will you?>" He said as he buried his face in my hair, something I noticed always calmed him.

"Probably not for a couple of days depending on what needs to be done," I said, brushing his hair with my fingers. "But you'll still have Steve. You two could probably find something to do while I'm gone – go out to dinner or a movie, maybe."

"Not without you," he said as he pulled back to look at me, his cerulean eyes holding mine before claiming my lips. "If you don't come home tonight, you owe me a date."

"Deal," I said, kissing him again. "James, why do you taste like strawberry lip gloss?"

 

* * *

Steve's POV

I felt a small tinge of disappointment when Sarah messaged me to tell me she was going to be flying out tonight to go hunt down the current head of the Syrian branch of the Ten Rings. We'd been watching the situation for the last month or so, waiting for them to make a mistake and they finally had. I knew I wasn't going to able to go with her on this one, though. I was too recognizable to work in the middle east, and someone needed to stay with Bucky.

I called Bucky as I walked to Sarah's office and he picked up right away. "Hey Bucky, I was just checking in with you. I'm going to head to the gym for a workout in a little bit. Do you want to join me?"

 ** _Hey Steve, yeah, I'd like that. I'm back at the lab I was in earlier if you'd show me the way to the gym from there_**. I laughed when I heard him talking to Skye with the phone still next his mouth. **_Skye, do you know where the gym's at? No? Okay. Yeah, you'd better just come find me so I don't get lost._**

"All right, I need to talk to Sarah first and then I'll be on my way."

 ** _She said she's going to be flying out tonight_** , Bucky said, sounding disappointed.   

"I know. She just messaged me a little bit ago to tell me that."

**_Can't you tell her not to go? Order her to stay home, Steve. Skye – why are you laughing at me?_ **

I grinned, hearing Skye in the background. "Have Skye explain that one - but no, I can't do that – her orders come from Fury on this one. You don't need to worry, Buck; she's very good at what she does."

 Bucky sighed loudly. **_Fine. I'll see you in a little bit, Steve_**.

"Okay, bye Bucky."

Sarah's door was open, so I walked in, shutting it behind me and taking a seat in front of her desk. She looked up at me with a smile.

"I take it he's still upset."

"That one way of putting it. You know I wouldn't normally ask, but do you really _have_ to go right now?"

She stood up and came around her desk to lean on the front of it, folding her arms over her chest. "Yes, unfortunately I do. New intelligence moved the window up drastically. I have Clint and a hand-picked team on their way in to the Triskelion. We leave at 1800. I need to run home and pack yet and then you can have my car while I'm gone."

I sighed, pulling her onto my lap. "You know I hate it when I can't go with you, Sarah." I put my arms around her and kissed her deeply.

"I know, but until Fury gives the all clear for you, you can't. I don't want to have to watch another surgery like that last one ever again." She kissed me lightly, but her eyes were worried. "And someone needs to be here with James. Nat's supposed to be going on a solo mission for the next two weeks, so it's up to you, Steve." She leaned her head on my shoulder, curling into me. "Are you going to be all right alone with him?"

"We'll work something out. So he's become friends with Skye?" I asked with a smirk.

"Yeah," she grinned. "Did he tell you she kissed him?"

"No – when? They've been in the lab all day!"

"She took him up to show him the Quinjet and one thing led to another and she kissed him."

"Does he like her?"

"Not like that and Skye agrees. She said it was like kissing her best friend, all right but no sparks."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, reaching down to gently stroke her face. "You had me worried for a moment there."

"He's loved you for longer than he can remember, Steve – nothing's ever going to change that."

"So how did you find out about this?"

"Skye wears strawberry lip gloss," she said like that explained everything. I raised my eyebrows, not following. Sarah's grin widened. "James tasted like it when he kissed me a little while ago when I was talking to him about leaving him home with you. I think I got it all off of me, but I wouldn't be surprised if you could still taste it on me."

"Oh," I grinned, kissing her again. "If that's what this is, you can wear that sometimes and I won't mind."

"You want to taste strawberries, go kiss Skye," she said pertly, slugging my chest.

"I'd rather kiss you," I said, kissing her again.

"Good answer, but I need to get going to have everything ready before we take off. I'll call you when I can, okay?"

"Okay. Love you – be safe. I'll be asking Barton about this afterwards."

"Love you, too. Clint would tell you, wouldn't he?"

"Absolutely. He told me about Brazil, after all."

"True. There's still some stuff we haven't done yet that I'd like to try, you know." She gave me a devilish grin as she wriggled her ass deliberately on my lap before hopping off out of my reach.

"You say that _now_ when you're leaving me for a couple days?" I groaned, standing and pulling her to me so she could feel how hard she'd made me already. She rubbed her hand over my cock, playing with my zipper and slipping her hand inside. "You're killing me, woman!"

She laughed, stroking me firmly. I held her from me, knowing it would be a little bit before I would be able to leave her office, as hard as I was right now. "You've still got Bucky," she said, raising her eyebrows suggestively. "I'm sure you can figure _something_ out while I'm gone." She zipped my pants back up and leaned up to give me a kiss.

"Go now before I decide your desk is an acceptable place to bend you over and have you," I groaned.

"Don't make promises you have no intention of keeping," she sang over her shoulder as she opened the door. I laughed, knowing I didn't have a response for that; she knew I wasn't serious and I wouldn't take her here at work even though she'd deliberately riled me. I had too much respect for her to do that.

I found Bucky still in Bruce's lab with Skye, their heads together and laughing over something on her computer, chattering at Fitz and Simmons. Skye was leaning over Bucky's shoulder, pointing something out when I walked over and I forced myself to smile normally. I liked Skye fine, I just couldn't keep myself from thinking about her kissing him right now.

"Ready, Buck?"

"Steve – look at this! Skye showed me this website with all these funny things. Timber?"

"Tumblr, James. I'll text you your login so you can get on it from home, okay?" Skye said, rolling her eyes.

"Corrupting him already, Skye?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Of course," she smirked. "You could use a little corrupting yourself, Steve. Wait 'til I introduce you to Wattpad."

"Watt – what? Never mind, I'm sure I don't want to know."   

"Skye – Captain Rogers is nowhere near ready for that one," Fitz said disapprovingly. "Tumblr and Twitter are more than sufficient for now."

"Jemma? What's your opinion?" I asked the quieter woman, who looked over at me and shook her head.

"I suggest that Sarah helps you learn to navigate social media before you try it on your own, Steve."

"I'm good with that. I've heard of the twitting thing before but I've never used it," I said, not sure I had the jargon right.

"I know; we're pretty sure you'll break the internet when you do."

"I'm sure I didn't want to know that. Bucky, why don't we go get our workout in so FitzSimmons can finish up. Would you all like to go out for dinner tonight when you're done? There's a little Italian place not very far from here that's really good."

Fitz, Simmons and Skye looked at each other before nodding.

"Bruce, what about you?"

"There's so much I need to do yet, Steve."

"Don't make me tell Sarah you're skipping meals, Bruce," I threatened. "She'll probably sic Tony on you or something."

He sighed but caved in right away like I thought he would. "All right, sure – I'll go. 1800 sound good? I have a couple machines to switch out before we leave if we go then."

"That's fine with me; it gives us plenty of time to get in a workout and get cleaned up." Bucky hopped up from his chair and put his arm around my shoulder like he used to when I was a lot smaller.

"Let's go, Steve; I'm already hungry just thinking about food." He clapped me on the back and we headed out the door. He had to let go of me to exit, but he put his arm back around me when we got into the hallway. "This feels a little strange for some reason."

"I used to be smaller than Skye, Buck." I marked on my chest where the top of my head used to be. "You're larger now than you were back then, too. You were under 6 foot before the war and weighed about 140 pounds."

"Huh," he grinned at me. "I don't remember that, but it makes sense now. Where are we going?"

"To get changed in the locker room. You might fit into one of my suits now that you've filled back out a bit."

"You calling me fat?" Bucky said, shoving me lightly.

I shoved him right back. "Jerk – just stating the facts. You were pretty malnourished when I first saw you in October, Buck and you can't even deny it. I'm sure you looked worse when you first got to DC."

"Yeah, I did," he admitted.

We pushed open the locker room door and I went to my locker, putting my finger on the pad to unlock it. "All of our locks are biometrically controlled. When they get your set up, all you need is a fingerprint to open it." I handed him one of my spare workout suits that looked like my stealth suit and pulled out one for me, too. "You step into it and it zips down the front. They keep me from sweating too much when I'm having a long workout. They breathe pretty well, too."

I started stripping and pulled my suit on, trying not to look at Bucky while he was changing. A hard-on in this suit was painfully obvious, as thin and form fitting as they were.

"Damn, Steve, you look pretty good in that suit," Bucky said as he was pulling on the sleeves of his suit.

My cheeks flushed slightly and I turned away from him to put my clothes in my locker and shut it. I opened an empty locker beside mine for him and he mimicked what I did. I pulled on my tennis shoes and waited for Bucky to get his on. I grabbed my badge, knowing I'd need it for the gym we were using today. It was restricted to Level 7 or higher clearances with the exception of the two Strike teams and Tony, who didn't all meet that Level but still needed to train with the Avengers occasionally.

"How do I look?" Bucky asked, zipping up his suit and facing me.

A slow grin spread across my face. "Damn, Buck."

 

* * *

Sarah's POV

I got back to the Triskelion with plenty of time to spare. I grabbed my tablet and left my keys on my desk for Steve to find before hauling my pack up to the Quinjet parked on the roof. Coulson's had been moved to another roof temporarily until we were in the air. My phone buzzed as I stowed my pack and I pulled it out of my jacket pocket to see what James wanted now.

 ** _Where are you at?_** ** _We wanted to see you_** ** _before you leave_**.

I smiled to myself, thinking about my guys. I loved them both in different ways, so leaving them like this wasn't easy. Steve understood, but was worried about my safety. James was upset by the fact I wouldn't be there tonight when we went to bed; for him, that was a big deal because he worried about the Winter Soldier finishing his last mission: kill Captain America.

I walked down the hallway to my office, nodding at the men I passed in the hallway finishing the last of their preparations for the mission. I paused to talk to Jake McCartney, who lived on my floor. "Everyone almost ready, Jake?"

"Just about, Sarah. A few last minute things to finish up and we'll be ready to head up to the jet."

"Good," I said, hesitating to mention my concern to him. He gave me a look that I understood just fine. I lowered my voice so no one else could hear me. "I have my reservations about taking you along on this one, Jake."

"Why's that? Have I done something I shouldn't have?"

I shook my head, trying to decide how to say this to him. He was an excellent Agent and I enjoyed working with him. "No, it's more a matter of who you look like. You're aware of Fury's orders about Steve not operating in the Middle East?"

"Yes, but what does that –" I could tell the moment he understood what I was trying to say tactfully. "Yeah, I see where you're coming from; if you aren't paying attention, we do look a lot alike."

"Large, muscular blond male with one or more of the Avengers," I agreed. "I don't want to make you a target, Jake. That's not fair to you."

"I'm still going, Sarah," he said, setting his jaw and holding my eyes with his. "I know what we're up against and you need my skills on this one."

I nodded; he was right and we both knew it, so I gave in against my better judgment. "All right. Glad to have you with us, Jake. Will you have the team meet in the conference room for a quick briefing at 1745?" He nodded once, acknowledging my orders. That was still 15 minutes away – more than enough time for everyone to be there. "Have you seen Clint yet?"

He shook his head. "I haven't seen him yet, but that doesn't mean he isn't here somewhere. Oh, I saw Steve and James a little bit ago – I think they were looking for you." Jake gestured to the hallway that lead to the gym, but no one was there right now.

I smiled at Jake. "I'll find them – can't leave without giving them their orders, too!"

He laughed and walked back down the hall, checking in with everyone, passing on their orders. I enjoyed working with Steve's preferred crew. They didn't care if I gave them orders because they all knew what I was capable of. Over the past couple months, either Steve or I had personally hauled each one of these guys back to the jet when they couldn't make it under their own power. No man or woman was ever left behind on our watch. I pushed the door of my office open only to be pulled into a warm set of arms. "Hey guys," I said, a smile on my lips for them.

"Sarah," Steve breathed as he kissed me first before letting James kiss me, not taking his hands off of me. They were still in their workout clothes, which fit them very nicely, a part of me noticed. James was almost as large as Steve now that he'd been eating regularly for a while.

"So I have to do a briefing in a little bit, but no pets, don't burn the apartment down –"

"Doll, we're not going to trash your place while you're gone," James said, smirking.

"What kind of boyfriends do you think we are?" Steve said, flushing and pulling James closer so I was sandwiched between them.

"I never said you were going to trash my place, James," I said with a smile. "And I know what kind of boyfriends you both are. It'll be good for you two to have some time to yourself for a while. We're always all together, and you need your alone time too." James' smirk grew as Steve got even redder; I hoped that they did something to clear the tension between them because it was starting to affect me, too. I cleared my throat and continued with my instructions. "I'll text you when I can, but I might be gone a couple of days. If you want to listen in at the briefing, you can, but no interruptions. I have to get us in the air by 1800." I looked at James and he nodded his understanding. Steve gave me a look, but finally nodded. He knew the routine and knowing how he was when I went off without him, he'd probably already looked at the duty roster to see who I was taking.

"Is Tony meeting you there?" Steve asked.

"TBD. I'm supposed to let him know after we get to Cairo. I haven't heard anything about explosives yet, but that doesn't mean they aren't involved."

 

*             *                *

Steve's POV

By the time the Quinjet took off, I was in a much better frame of mind. Sarah had Clint, Jake, and a good team with her, so there was nothing for me to be concerned about. She'd done this kind of mission almost weekly since we'd started dating, so this really wasn't anything new. I was a little worried that this was going to hard on Bucky because she'd never been gone this long since he'd showed up in DC.

We quickly showered and changed back into street clothes before it was time to walk over to the lab to see if everyone was ready to go eat. Bruce was just changing out the last group of his specimens when we walked in.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked.

"They went to put their gear away and get their coats. Are we taking one of the Shield vehicles?"

"Yeah, I picked up keys to a larger SUV earlier so we can all ride together," I explained. "Are they coming back here?"

"I believe so."

"Coulson and May said they weren't coming tonight; they have several hours worth of meetings yet tonight."

"That's too bad. I like Coulson. May, I haven't decided about yet," Bruce stated, closing the machine.

"She's a lot like Natasha in how she acts and thinks," I decided after a moment.

"Exactly!" he replied, moving over to a sink to wash his hands. "I'm going to grab my coat and then I'll be right back."

"We'll be here." I settled in to wait, smiling as I watched Bucky looking at all the screens.

We had a good time with Bruce, Skye and FitzSimmons. We laughed so hard through the meal, all of our personalities working well together. We dropped the scientists back off at the Triskelion before heading home for the night. It was strange for me to be going home from work without Sarah – especially since she wasn't going to be there when we got there. We parked the Shield SUV in the garage before heading up the stairs to our apartment.

"Do you want to watch a movie, Buck? It's too early to go to bed yet."

"Yeah, sure. How about that Star one – the one with all the parts?" He said, nodding.

"You're going to love it! I've seen it, but I wouldn't mind seeing it again. I think it's still over at Sarah's, but I can grab it while you get ready for bed."

"We sleeping here or there?"

"It's up to you, pal. Whatever you want."

"There. I know she's not coming home tonight, but at least it'll feel like she's just working late and she'll be there when we wake up in the morning."

I smiled sadly, understanding what he meant and feeling the same way. Before Bucky came back, there were a lot of nights like that for me. I'd go to sleep in my own bed only to find her in my arms when I woke up at dawn.

"I hear you, Buck. We'll both get cleaned up and then go watch the movie, okay?"

He gave me a slow smile, making my heart beat faster. "Okay."

I unlocked our door, setting my keys on the table as I peeled off my dark blue jacket to hang it up. "You can get in first, Buck," I said as I pulled my phone out to see a couple messages waiting. "I need to reply to these first."

He nodded and I sat down on the couch as he walked by, pulling off his shirt. I typed quick responses to the messages, hearing the shower turn on. I suddenly felt nervous, the way I used to feel before going in a date when I was a teen. This was the first time we'd really been alone together other than a few stolen moments since we'd confessed our feelings for each other this past weekend.

On a whim, I decided to join Bucky in the shower. I quickly stripped and walked to the bathroom before I lost my nerve. Bucky smiled at me when I moved the curtain aside and stepped in.

"Was I taking too long?" he asked, moving back so I had a little more room. I ran my gaze over his lean, ripped body, surprised to see that he was hard already too.

"No, I just wanted to shower with you." I pulled him to me, kissing him lightly. "There were too many people around earlier for me to do this." I deepened the kiss, pushing him into the wall and leaning against him, liking the feel of his skin on mine as the hot water ran over us. I ran my hand over his metal arm, caressing it lightly just to feel his breathing hitch in pleasure.

His other arm went around my shoulder, pulling me tighter to him before reaching down to take both of our cocks in his hand, sliding his hand over them. I groaned against his lips, the friction of his hard cock rubbing against mine, arousing me even more. I ran my hands over his firm body, his lips demanding more from mine as our tongues tangled, sucking firmly on my tongue before kissing down my neck.

"Come for me, Steve," he growled, his hand moving faster when he felt the first warning tremble run through my body. "I can't wait much longer!"

I captured his lips again as I came, my body shuddering in pleasure. Bucky came right after, and I slid my arm around his back, pulling him tight to me as he put his arms around me, my name on his lips. He rested his head on my shoulder, his whiskers tickling my neck. We stayed that way for a long moment, until I was sure that I could stand again.

"Ready to finish getting cleaned up?" I asked, putting one hand on the side of his face and kissing him lightly.

"If we have to," Bucky said, grinning at me.

"We have to. We can't use all the hot water in the building, Buck." I said, pulling him away from the wall. "Besides, I thought you wanted to see that movie tonight."

"I'm moving. I just gotta shampoo and then I'm done, Captain Assmerica." He reached for the bottle, putting some in his hand.

"Fine, Booty Barnes," I said, slapping him on the ass lightly as he worked the shampoo into his hair.

"Is that what Skye came up with?"

"Nope – Simmons, surprisingly enough."

"I wouldn't have guessed. So that's what you were laughing about when she turned redder than the marinara sauce."

"Now you know. Speaking of Skye," I said, watching him rinse his hair and waiting so he could hear me.

"What about her?" he said, meeting my eyes, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

"I heard you kissed her." I said quietly, watching his expressions. 

He shook his head quickly. "It wasn't like that. She tripped and I grabbed her to keep her from bashing her head in, so _she_ gave  me a kiss," he emphasized the order of the pronouns, "I didn't kiss her first." He grabbed me, putting his arms around me tightly. I relaxed a little, knowing he was telling the truth. "You got nothing to worry about, Stevie. The only people I ever want to be with like that are you, Sarah and Natalia."

"I just needed to hear you say that, Buck. I love you."

"And I love you." He kissed me gently before letting me go. "I'm not ready to let the world know about us yet, Steve. I know how much attention you get when you go out and I've seen the pictures of you and Sarah in the tabloids. A gay Captain America isn't going to go over well, no matter what they say about it being all right to be gay now."

He turned us so I was under the water. He put some shampoo in his hand and reached up to scrub my hair for me, something I wasn't expecting from him. I thought about what he said and realized he was probably right. The general public wouldn't like finding out that I was gay or bi or whatever I was and there'd be fallout that would affect both him and Sarah.

"I'm sorry I can't act like this in public, Bucky," I said, bringing a hand up to his face. "But the thing that worries me the most about being with you is if the paparazzi take photos of you, Hydra could find you – and that's something I won't ever risk."

I kissed him gently and then stepped back under the water to rinse the soap from my hair while he thought about that. It wasn't something to take lightly given how badly they wanted him back. I shut off the water and handed him a towel, taking one for myself. We'd just walked into the bedroom to get dressed when Bucky finally spoke again, his expression worrisomely enigmatic. I couldn't read him as well as I used to be able to; he'd learned to bury his emotions a long time ago so he wouldn't get punished by his handler.

"It's not me I'm worried about them finding, Stevie –  it's her. They're going to want Sarah even more if they find out I've been with her." His face suddenly went white and he grabbed my biceps hard, startling me with the force of his grip. "Hydra used to...fuck...I don't know how else to say it..."

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, Buck."

"You need to know this. I just remembered that Hydra used to try to get me to _breed_ whenever they had me out of cryo, after I finished my missions."

"You're serious," I said, staring at him in shock.

"Every time I was successful, my handler would say that they had a reward for me and then he'd bring in beautiful dames – usually blondes, sometimes redheads, but always beautiful – and tell me to fuck 'em as much as I wanted."

I swallowed hard, a sick feeling in the pit my stomach. "Did you?"

"No," he sighed, shaking his head. "Not that I remember, at least. I resisted for some reason." He grimaced. "They thought I wasn't able to get it up because of the long amount of time I spent in cryo, but I think it was because none of them were Peggy, so I wasn't interested."

I pulled him into a tight hug, feeling the tremors running through him. "I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner, Buck. I'm sorry they put you through all that."

"You wouldn't have been able to find me, Steve." His arms went around me, squeezing hard. "I spent most of my time in Siberia in cryo and there's no way you could've known I'd survive that fall." He buried his head in my neck, taking a moment to get control again. "Jace showed me how far I fell based off the coordinates we zip-lined from. They say you did everything you could to try and find me, so stop blaming yourself for any of this because _I don't blame you_."

"You should blame me! Being my best friend and a Commando made you a desirable target. Maybe it was chance that you survived Zola's experimentation, but don't think for a moment he wasn't waiting for an opportunity to get his hands on you again, Buck."

"I don't agree with that. None of that was your fault, Steve. I got too weak to work, that's why I was taken to Zola. No one ever came back once he got a hold of them."

"I know; that's what all the guys said when they found out you were still alive. You were pretty sick for a while after we got back to camp, but you tried acting like you were fine."

"Peggy was there," he said, pulling back so he could see my face.

I huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, and she was livid. She yelled at you and ordered you straight to bed. You were so shocked at a dame speaking to you that your jaw dropped, so I said you were staying in my tent so I could keep an eye on you."

"You just didn't want her to yell at you, too," he laughed.

"Damn straight. Get dressed so we can go watch the movie."

He captured my lips, kissing me until we were both breathless, the sound of my phone ringing bringing us back to reality.

 

*            *                  *

Sarah's POV

"Hey guys!" I said when Steve accepted the FaceTime call, giving me an excellent view of his incredibly ripped bare torso – and James'. "Was I interrupting something?"

"No," he said, flushing and clearly lying. "Why would you think that?"

"You're both shirtless, Steve," I said, rolling my eyes. "I wasn't born yesterday! Anyway, I just wanted to see what you guys were planning on doing tonight. Skye said you all had dinner at that Italian place."

"Yeah, we did. I wish you could have been there; we had so much fun. I haven't laughed that much since my birthday party."

"James, did you have fun?" Steve handed James the phone and he looked at it in amazement.

"How can I see you talking? Can you see me?"

"It's called FaceTime. It's a different way of calling and you can actually see the person you're talking to. What I see is that little picture at the top left corner."

"This is so cool! Are you in Cairo now?"

"Yeah. I have a little while before we head out at dawn," I said.

"We're going to watch Star Wars tonight. I don't know what it is, but Steve says it's good."

"You're going to love it, James. How was spending the day in the lab today?"

"Mostly boring, but I had fun with Skye. She showed me how to run Timber and Tweeter."

I laughed at his expression. "Tumblr and Twitter, yes she warned me about that. Don't show Steve them yet until I get back, okay?"

"Why?"   

"There's a lot of stuff on there it's better he doesn't see, trust me," I said, sighing.

"I can hear you, you know, doll." Steve took the phone back, dressed in his sleeping clothes now. He gave me a stern look, making me smile.

"I know you can, Steve. That's why I'm saying it to both of you. If you're watching Star Wars, you aren't going to have time for social media. I promise I'll show you how to run them when I get home, okay?"   

"I'm holding you to that, doll."

A knock at the door had me looking to see who was coming in. Clint poked his head in, a grim expression on his face.

"10 minutes, 'Ria. Timetable's moved up."

"Be right there, Clint." I waited until he shut the door again. "Bye Steve, James. Love you. I'll call when I can sometime in the next day or so."

"Bye doll, love you!" James said, his arm around Steve.

"Bye babe – love you!" Steve replied, smiling tightly.

He hated letting me go off on missions without him, so I was glad James was there with him. I ended the call and tucked my phone in my pocket, heading out of the office I'd been borrowing. Clint was waiting for me just outside the door.

"What's going on?" I asked as we walked quickly down the hallway.

"They're moving out early. Someone tipped them off we're coming."

"Shit! How'd we find out?"

"Tony was taking a roundabout way here and scanned the base on his way. Jarvis confirmed troop movement based on our last information."

"Everyone else ready to move?"

"Yeah. You're the only one who wasn't in the commons area when Tony called me. He said he couldn't get through to you, said you were probably on your phone. I lost ten bucks because you were using English."

"What language was I supposed to be using?"

"Depends on the conversation," he said with a grin.

 

*           *              *

James' POV

"I'll make the popcorn if you start the movie," I said to Steve when we got over to Sarah's. It still just felt like she was just working late and would show up at any time, especially since we'd just talked to her.

"Deal," Steve said, smiling and opening the movie case. I walked into the kitchen and put the bag of popcorn in the microwave and started it. I reached up to grab the metal bowl that still had the traces of my handprint on it from my first week here; I'd tried to smooth it out, but there were still ripples in the metal.

I grabbed two glasses from the cupboard and filled them with water while I waited on the popcorn, taking them into the living room and setting them on the coffee table, studying the large, puzzled man trying to figure out the TV controls.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you need help?"

"No, I got it, but thanks, Buck. Just hit a wrong button."

I smiled to myself and went back in the kitchen for the popcorn. Extremely complicated battle plan – no problem; electronics – still can't figure them out. The sad thing was he knew how to run Sarah's TV better than his own – and hers was the more complicated of the two.

By the time I got back into the living room he'd figured it out and was sitting on the couch waiting for me. I hit the lights and locked the door before going to sit in my usual spot, only to remember that Sarah wasn't going to be here tonight. I scooted over towards Steve to share the popcorn with him, looking at the screen.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't we find a place we can all live together? Like a larger apartment or something?"

"Originally, before she found you, we talked about moving into my apartment together since it's the bigger of the two, but her parents and Tony were set against it. But now with the three of us, it'd probably be a good idea. We should mention it to Sarah when she gets back, see what she thinks."

"Do you think she'll go for it?" I asked. I thought it would be great if all of us lived together. It's not like we lived that far apart now, but still.

"Maybe. Tony's tried to get her to live with him, but she didn't want to be so far away from us."

"Huh. Is something wrong with the movie? Why are those words doing that?"

"That's just how it is, Buck. Shh, it's starting."

* *             

"That was so cool!" I said when the movie finished. "Let's watch the next one!"

Steve laughed and shook his head. "We don't need to stay up all night watching all six movies."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm ready for bed – even if you aren't."

I stuck my tongue out at him, not wanting to go to bed yet, but knowing he was right. If I didn't get enough sleep, Sarah and Jace said I was worse than a cranky toddler and threatened me with nap time via horse tranquilizers (Jace) or the night-night gun at an increased dose that would put me out for a solid hour – or more (Sarah).

"Do I go in with you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Of course – five days a week from now on, Buck." Steve looked at me with humor in his eyes. "You don't have to work for me anymore – just under me; this time we both pull our own weight."

"Huh, I suppose you're right, Stevie. You don't look like you're going to blow away in a stiff breeze anymore, do ya?"

"Not unless it's a tornado," he said with a grin, turning off the TV and DVD player as he stood up, putting an arm around me and kissing my cheek. "Come on, Buck, let's hit the sack."

I let him lead us to the bedroom, shutting off the lights on the way. We plugged in our phones and set our alarms before climbing into bed. I never woke up to whatever noise it was that Steve used, so I'd experimented until I found something I could wake to easily – an annoyingly peppy song that I loathed but was always on the radio – always. Steve hated it less than the previous song I'd used, but he was usually awake and out of bed by time my alarm went off at least.

I got into bed and waited for Steve to climb in. I looked over at him to see him looking out the window into the night.

"What're you looking at?" I asked as I got out of bed and put my arms around him.

"The stars," Steve said with a smile, leaning his head back on me. "It's a really clear night tonight. I usually can't see them when I'm in the city, not like when I'm on missions in other countries."

"I forgot you were such a nerd. We used to go to that park and lay out to watch them when your mom was working a night shift."

"We did. You always made me bundle up in a blanket so I didn't take a chill, even in the summer." He turned so he was facing me, kissing me lightly. "And you were always the one who suggested it, Buck."

"I can think of some other things I'd like to suggest right now," I said, grinning at him and running my hands down his back.

"Suggest away," Steve said, kissing down my neck.

"I suggest you take your shirt off," I murmured, sliding my hands under the hem. "That's a good place to start."

He let me pull his shirt off before reaching for me again, capturing my lips with his and backing me to the bed. His hands slid under my shirt and I shifted so he could pull it off, my heart beating faster as I met his eyes, seeing how dark they'd become in such a short amount of time.

"Any other suggestions?" Steve asked roughly, skimming his hands over my skin, bringing my blood to a simmer and emboldening me.

"Those sweatpants need to go." I felt a grin spreading across my face. "They don't look comfortable at all, Steve."

"Hmm, they aren't right now," he admitted. "I suppose you could take them off me since you don't like them."

"I thought you'd never ask," I said, licking my lips. I reached for him, sliding my hands over his hips.


	25. Can't Take You Anywhere

Sarah's POV

We managed to make our less than promising morning pan out, taking the base with only minor injuries, thanks to Tony taking out the machine guns that were mounted on each building. We went through every building, clearing out every last person. A couple of them attempted to fight back and got themselves shot, but overall, we were successful. As we were loading the prisoners to be taken to Cairo for interrogation, I noticed a familiar face. Making a motion at the guards, they stopped the line and I walked up to the man.

"Sahib? What are you doing here?" I said in Arabic, gesturing for his guard to leave him with me. I pointed my rifle at him menacingly and the guard nodded and removed the rest of the line, leaving us alone.

"Ronin's Maria?" he said in surprise. "I could say the same for you. Is Ronin here as well?"

"He is." I switched to a private channel and spoke over my com. "Ronin, we have a situation here. I've got Sahib with me. Can you join me?"

"On my way. What's the hell is he doing here?" Clint asked, sounding surprised.

I rolled my eyes. "I'll tell you when I find out. ETA?"

"2 minutes. Get him inside the guard house, act like you're going to beat the shit out of him."

"Copy, that." I turned to Sahib. "We need to talk out of sight of prying eyes; act like you're just another prisoner for now."

"I will play along, Maria."

"Good. Sorry in advance, Sahib." I ordered him to walk in front of me, hands on his head. I barked at him like the other guards were doing, shoving him with my rifle and directing him to the small guard house we'd taken first. Once inside, I dropped the charade, becoming myself again.

"Ronin's on his way, so if you don't mind waiting for him, you won't need to tell your story twice. In the meantime, how is Malika and what did you have – boy or girl?"

"She is well and adjusted to motherhood easily; our son, Ramses, was born just last month. He is strong and healthy, Allah be praised. How is it that these men look to you as their leader?"

"There is more to me than meets the eye," I replied. "I am not just a pretty face, you know. Do you have pictures? Does he look more like you or Malika?"

Sahib smiled widely, showing his white teeth in his tanned face and pulled out his phone, to show me his many pictures of his firstborn.

"He definitely looks like you for now, but he has his mother's eyes."

"What did I miss?" asked Clint as he came in and embraced the man like family. "Talib! I wasn't expecting to see you here today."

Talib nodded understandingly. "It's a long story, old friend, but one you should hear. You are not what I thought you were, either, but in this case, I think it is for the best you found me today or I would have needed to seek you out soon."

"Talib, I'm an Agent of Shield, as is Sarah." Clint said, gesturing to me. "Ronin is an alias I've always used when I have to deal with the black market or mercenary underground."

"You have always seemed like more than just another mercenary, so this doesn't surprise me." He turned to me, raising an eyebrow. "You, however, I wouldn't have believed you were capable of doing everything I have seen you do today. I watched you perform feats that no human is capable of."

I grinned and shrugged. "It was extremely hard for me to pretend to be a helpless trophy woman when we were in Brazil."

"So you are not really Maria?" he asked, still trying to understand.

"Yes and no; it's my middle name, but I was never really Ronin's girlfriend."

He looked at me in disbelief before looking back at Clint. "I saw the way you interacted – I don't believe that was all for show."

"Talib,we are just very close friends who trust each other implicitly," I said as I shared a look with Clint, signing for him to take the lead on this. As a man, he could get more information out of the Arab Warlord than I could.

"So why are you here?" Clint said, "I didn't think your territory extended this far west of Iran."

"It doesn't; the cargo I picked up two weeks ago was short almost half of what I was promised by the leader here, so I came to get the rest of it. I would have sent my second, but I needed to...remind them...why he shouldn't mess with my shipments. While I was here, I learned some very interesting news, the kind that brings about regime changes."

Clint glanced at me, and I nodded. I thought it would be worthwile to see if we could convince Talib to work with us. "Talib, I have an offer for you, take it or leave it. Information in exchange for your freedom."

"I'm listening." Talib said, looking at Clint curiously.

* *             

I couldn't believe how much actionable intelligence Talib had at his disposal. The very qualities that made him a good leader were also the very things that would finally bring about the end of the Ten Rings. Unlike many of the regional heads, Talib had never fully bought into the Rings' indoctrination. He had been a part of it since he was a boy and therefore knew much more than anyone realized about the other leaders.

He was also smart enough to not have anything incriminating at his home base, only at various locations belonging to dummy holdings ran by underlings. If we hadn't already had confirmation from him on his Rings involvement, there would have been no reason to detain him. He had no desire to continue on with the Rings, especially since with two other response teams en route to specific locations, the Rings were finished.

"What will you do now?" Clint asked him when Fury finally ended the conference call with us.

"I still have many irons in the fire, but the Supreme Leader has offered me a position on his council that I am now able to accept with a clear mind. After all, a stone thrown at the right time is better than gold given at the wrong time."

I smiled at the old saying. "Very true. What will you tell your family?"

His dark eyes were filled with pride. "Malika will be overjoyed to hear that after almost 10 years, my time as a warlord is done. I will not have my son be forced to live a life of violence when that is no longer the way of the world. What the wind brings, the wind can take away."

"I'm sure she will." I stood up and stretched, stiff from sitting so long in one position. "Thank you for your help today."

"No, _thank you_ , Maria," Talib said intensely. "If it were not for you noticing me, I would be locked away for who knows how long until everything was sorted out."

"Everything happens for a reason. I believed when I first met you that you would be a great Shield agent if you wanted to be."

"I will settle for being an asset instead," he said with a smile, holding out a hand to me. "If I thought that you would be happy with me, I would offer to make you my second wife."

I shook his hand firmly, declining his offer. "Thank you, but I'm not ready to settle down quite yet."

Clint put an arm around my shoulders and grinned at Talib. "I can't take you anywhere, 'Ria! Every time we go to the Middle East, you get a marriage proposal – every time!"

"You're just jealous, Clint." I teased. "Talib is a huge step up from the last one, even as a second wife."

"I'm practical," he argued, shaking his head. "One woman is trouble enough – any more than that is just plain crazy." Talib laughed, and held out his hand to Clint, who pulled him into a hug. "We'll be in touch soon. We've kept you long enough today.You better get back home to your family. Your crew was released a little while ago and your plane is ready and waiting. The agent outside the door will escort you there."

"I will go then; until next we meet."

 

*              *             *   

James' POV

I woke up before my alarm for a change and just laid there, staring at the sleeping man sprawled beside me in the predawn light. I smiled as I saw that Steve's short blond hair was thoroughly mussed from me running my hands through it earlier. I drank in his handsome features, his face relaxed, limbs loosely entangled with mine. I felt happier than I'd ever thought it was possible to feel.

I watched Steve's eyes flutter open as he woke and a soft smile spread across his face when they focused on me. "Hey," he said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Hey," I grinned, pulling him in for a slow, thorough kiss. 

My phone started ringing and I sighed before rolling over to grab it, glancing at the name on the screen. "Hello?"

 _Oh good, you're up already. Is Steve there?_ Natalia said, sounding a little off.

"Why?" I asked, knowing that she probably wouldn't tell me, but you never knew.

_He didn't answer when I tried him a little bit ago. Can I talk to him? It's important._

"Yeah, sure." I turned to Steve who was looking at me in amusement. "It's for you." He raised a brow, but sat up and took the phone from my outstretched hand. I got out of bed, deciding that if she was calling at this time of the morning, it was for a damn good reason.

 

*      *         *

Steve's POV

 _Where the hell is your phone and why the hell didn't you answer?_ Natasha said, sounding peeved.

"Sorry, Nat! I didn't hear it ring." I picked up my phone and looked at it, seeing 10 missed calls. I felt panic starting to claw at my chest. "Is something wrong? Did something happen to Sarah?"

_I'll tell you both on the way. You've got five minutes to get dressed and downstairs; I'll be outside waiting._

I looked over at Bucky, seeing that he was already pulling clothes out of the closet. "We have to be dressed and downstairs in five minutes." I got out of bed and went to jump in the shower quickly, thankful that we both kept a change of clothes here as well.

"What did Natalia want?" Bucky asked as I started the water.

"She wouldn't say over the phone, but you're coming with." I soaped up and rinsed quickly, washing the scent of Bucky from my skin. I dried off fast and pulled on my clothes as Bucky grabbed our phones, wallets, and keys.

We raced down the stairs, pulling on our jackets as we ran, seeing the black SUV parked outside. I slid into the passenger seat, Bucky in the back. Nat pulled away as soon as the doors closed, flipping on the flashers and flooring it.

"What's going on, Nat?" I asked as I buckled in.

"We got called in ASAP for backup. Clint and Sarah found a source that gave the locations of the last major Rings bases, so it's all hands on deck for a multi-pronged strike. Fury gave you special clearance for this – they're all in the Middle East."

"Is Bucky coming with?"

"James will be going with me as part of a specialized response team." I looked back at Bucky and he nodded his agreement. "We're going to need his talents for this one."

"Steve, you and Rumlow are taking the rest of Strike 1 and 2 to lead the attacks on two of the larger bases. Clint and Sarah are taking their team to the main base nearest the one they just took last night." She turned onto the main highway that was thankfully deserted at this time in the morning.

"So what do I get to wear on this mission?" Bucky asked. "I didn't bring my armor with."

"Wait until you see it! It's a cross between the Strike gear and Steve's Cap suit. Lightweight, mostly bulletproof, plenty of places for weapons. Tripp's bringing up some Shield guns for you to use on this mission."

We were already at the exit for Shield, Natasha slowing just enough that we wouldn't roll as she took the turn at twice the recommended speed. The normally twenty minute trip had taken about half that time this morning. We zoomed past the guards, who only waved as we sped by.

 

*             *             *

Sarah's POV

I jumped from the camouflaged cargo ramp to silently infiltrate the new target we were supposed to take control of today; we were low enough that I didn't need a regular chute, only a special short jump chute I'd designed for jumps like this. The ground here wasn't concrete and the sand would absorb the impact quietly.

I took out the sentries on my way down, landing in the camera's blind spot. I tossed two canisters of night-night gas in through an open window, pulling my gas mask on to prevent the wicked headache the stuff would give me if I breathed it in for too long. I gave it a minute before pulling my gun out and entering the building. People were slumped everywhere, the gas having hit them fast. I'd lucked out and the control room was empty.

"I'm in position. Barton, what's your status?" My fingers flew over the keys, taking over their systems and shutting down the alarms.

"Ready to move; in sight of the north gate. Are you opening them or do we gotta knock?"

"Jeez – hold your horses! Gates will be open in 30 seconds. Alarms are off but there are a lot of people moving around now. You'd think with the kind of money these guys have they could at least have a decent camera system, not these cheap ass grainy pieces of shit." I griped, tinkering with the settings.

"If things were always easy, you'd be bored stiff. Any sign of explosives, Evans?" Tony asked. "I'm a couple minutes out still. I can't believe you beat me there."

"Still looking, but they sure seem to have a lot of weapons stockpiled here." I tapped at the console, shifting the cameras to look around. "No sub-levels from what I can tell, let me know what you find when you get here, Tony." I watched as my team came in the open gate, taking out the sentries easily before starting to clear buildings in smaller team units.

"Jake, I'm seeing a lot of company heading your way. I can't tell for sure, but I think they're hiding something in that building – watch yourselves."

"Copy that, Evans," Jake said, engaging the approaching hostiles. "Mikey, I could use some backup, buddy."

"Working our way to you," Mikey responded, sounding occupied. "We have hostiles in the courtyard. Where the hell do they keep coming from? The woodwork?"

"Barracks tunnel – I just found the blueprints. There is a sub-level after all, guys." I uploaded the blueprints to Tony's suit with a grin. "Merry Christmas, Jarvis."

"Oooh, I like! You always get me the best presents, kitten," Tony quipped.

"North tower clear," Clint said. "Moving to west tower now."

"Negative, Barton, hold your position until Mike's squad gets under cover. West tower is occupied, I count ten hostiles for sure, maybe more. South tower is open – I hope I'm not the only one to think that's suspicious."

"You're not. I count five on the top level of the east lookout, but there could be more."

"Tony, can you scan it when you get here? I don't have any eyes in the east tower – wonder what they're hiding there?"

"Done already. Barton, Evans, keep clear of the east tower. Looks like I found the obligatory explosives." 

"Jake, what did you find on the second floor?" I asked, seeing him entering the room and taking out the two guards stationed there.

"Keep your shirt on, Evans; I just got through the door!" he snarked, grinning at the camera.

"I can see that, McCartney. What the hell is that?"

"I'm not sure," Jake said, walking carefully around the machine in the room. "Tony, I think you should see this. Second floor, east side."

"Already there," Tony said, heading for Jake's location and going in through a window.

I scanned the other cameras, checking the status of the rest of the team. "Barton, watch your six," I said as I saw movement at the corner of the camera Clint was visible in right now. He spun and loosed two arrows in quick succession, taking them out.

"Thanks, Evans, I'm going to start heading to the west tower now. Mike's team is working to you."

"Vehicles clear," Mike said. "Moving to your building, Evans."

"Copy that. West tower still heavily occupied, Barton. Mikey – wear your gas masks, it's still pretty strong in here." I said, checking the cameras. "Everyone should still be down, but I haven't cleared the whole structure."

"I see how it is – you just wanna make me work for it today."

"Yup, that's totally it, Mikey. Kind of busy here," I said, catching a new movement on a corner of the screen. "Jake, I've got movement on the top floor of your building – three or more, can't get a good view."

"I copy, Evans."

"Tony, what is it?" I asked, watching him walk around it and tap at an attached computer of some sort. It was hard to tell with the low res feed, but he seemed perplexed.   

"I'm still not sure," Tony replied. "But whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it's not an explosive. Jarvis is checking into it right now, but I'll look at it when we've got control. There's a lot of heat signatures in this place."

"That's not what I wanted to hear, Tony," I said as I glanced out the window to see a small group of hostiles sneaking up near Mikey and Donny. "Mikey – on your left!"

"Clint, on your six!" Tony said quickly, and I looked back at Clint's monitor seeing two men moving up behind him. Clint spun and shot, taking them both out with his bow.

"Fucking sand lice!" Clint griped. "It was clear a moment ago!"

"Umm, not seeing anything on the blueprints, maybe a hidden door of some kind?" I told Clint.

I hit the deck as bullets came through the window in front of me, taking out the windows and hitting the monitors, blowing them to smithereens. I turned away from the flying glass, shielding my face. I stood up once the debris settled, returning fire to the east tower. It didn't look like I got any of them but they were at the far end of the range for my pistol. I crouched again as return fire came my way.

"Damn it, they just took out the computers!" I griped. "My eyes are gone so cover your tails, guys. East tower hit them; I'm on my way out to clear it."

"Negative, Evans," Tony said. "I don't want you anywhere near it in case they blow it. I think my repulsors might set it off, so I'm steering clear for the moment. I'm low on ammo, I hadn't fully reloaded this suit before I grabbed it last night."

"Who said anything about getting near it," I griped, as I went out in the hallway and pulled a rifle off one of the unconscious soldiers to use.

I leaned out, sighting my target - then jumping back when more bullets came my way. I ran out of the control room, trying to find a better place to take a shot from. I squeezed off a couple rounds before they noticed my position change. Crawling under the windows, I changed position again, taking a couple more shots before they shot back, just missing me by inches. Either they were really bad shots or they were toying with me, I wasn't sure which yet.

"West tower clear," Clint said. "Evans, you've got company heading your way."

I looked around quickly, sniping at the hostiles heading for my building. "Thanks, Barton. Mikey, where you at?"

"Working back down to you. Top floor clear."

"I've got eyes on the east tower," Jake said. "My building is cleared now."

"Clear the nest if you can. They've got me pinned down and I can't get a good shot from this angle," I said as more bullets shattered the rest of the window, passing through the walls as well. They had changed to armor piercing rounds if they were doing that. "Mikey, get your crew out of here – those rounds are going straight through the walls now! I'll meet you on ground floor."

I fired off a couple more rounds at the tower as I backed away from the walls and to the hallway, sprinting down the stairs as the walls disintegrated behind me, tripping over a body and falling down the last couple stairs.

"Shit, Evans, they got a serious hard on for you." Mikey said, catching me as I crashed into him and set me back on my feet.

"I'm kind of seeing that. Why didn't they take a shot at you when you were right above me?"

"I don't know, but I'm not liking it; you better stay behind me and Donny. I ain't letting you lead right now."

I nodded, agreeing with him for once. I peeked out the door to be met with a hail of bullets, pulling my head back quickly.

"Jake, Clint, how are you coming?" I asked, not having heard any chatter from them for a while.

"Couple down, two to go," Jake said. "I need to change position to get them – that tower must have some kind of shielding on it."

"Tony, can you confirm that?"

"Give me a minute, I was doing some surveillance, but I'm working my way back to you. We've got company on the road heading our way, six trucks fully loaded. Not sure if they're friendly or hostile."

"Barton, check in -" silence greeted me and I met Mike's eyes. "Mikey, Donny, go out the other side and find Clint. I'm going to keep the tower guards occupied."

"Evans-" he tried to protest, but I wasn't going to let him.

"Go!" I snapped as I pushed him to the other side of the hallway and they ran past the windows without challenge, confirming my earlier suspicion. "Jake, east tower has infrared and a lock on my heat signature."

I fired a couple rounds at them, ducking when their fire passed through the walls. I kept moving, finding a metal desk to duck behind. The bullets kept coming, punching through the metal and just missing me as I kept moving. They were either playing with me or they had orders to take me alive. I was the only woman on the whole team today and there was no one else even remotely close to my size.

"One more down," Jake said. " _Evans get outta there NOW!"_

Jake's tone had me running across the room to the hall and throwing myself out a window just as an explosion knocked me to the ground hard, debris raining down on me. The next thing I knew, I was hearing my name over the ringing in my ears.

A large, handsome, blond man that I must know was crouched beside me, firing at unseen targets. It took a moment for me to place him... Jake McCartney, who lived across the hall from me. Jake must've pulled me out of the open, but we were still too exposed. He looked over at me when I moved, but his pause from shooting led to a rain of bullets coming down on us.

"Tony, Evans is waking up, but we need to move from this location." Jake continued firing, the loud noise making my head hurt.

"What was that?" I groaned, opening my eyes and tried to sit up.

I was an easy target right now, even though the explosion would mess with their infrared for quite a while, at least. A wave of dizziness hit me, and I fought down the resulting nausea. Tony landed in front of me, picking me up in his arms and lifting off again quickly, the sudden jolt almost making me ralph but I managed to somehow not puke on his suit.

"Sarah, are you okay?" he asked as he took me to the first tower we'd cleared and laid me down on the floor. "Jarvis, full scan."

"Just a concussion," I groaned, holding my head in my hands. "I'll be okay in a little bit – five minutes tops."

"Stay down. Jarvis says he can't scan through your armor very well but you were too close to the explosion."

"Have we cleared this location yet?"

Tony folded down his facemask so he could talk to me normally. "Not completely. The last tower was cleared right after they fired that shell. I think Jake was more pissed they knocked you out than I was."

"That's because he has to report to Steve about any wounds, broken bones and concussions and they'll argue again. Clint?"

"Found him in the tunnels in the walls, clearing them of hostiles; our coms don't work very well in them."

"Guess they need an upgrade," I said, closing my eyes and touching my ear. "Shit, I lost my com when I fell. Any word on the other teams yet? Nat? Steve?"

"Nothing official."

"What happened to the trucks that were en route?"

"Talked to their commander already. Turns out they're friendlies from the Army base a couple hours from here. Fury let them know we might need backup since we're spread a little thin today. They're a little disappointed we didn't leave them much to do, but they volunteered to help with the clean-up work."

"Who's their commander?"

"General Payton. Jake says he's worked with him before."

"Can't say I've heard of him."

"You probably wouldn't have – you're not old enough. The guys got kids older than you, squirt. Jarvis, route Sarah the file on General Payton."

 

*              *               *

James' POV

I followed Natalia off the Quinjet, my rifle at the ready. Our job was to infiltrate this location and disable Hydra's communications until Shield's strikes were over. That was easier said than done, though. Natalia and I took out our targets quickly and efficiently, icing everyone in our path. I stood guard while she tapped at the computers, disabling the alarms. Anyone with half a brain would realize there was an intruder, but without the flashing lights and sirens, it would be easier for our entry to be missed. 

"All right, Skye – you're up." Natalia said, flipping a couple switches.

"Great. Give me ten minutes and then you can blow the electronics – and give me a little warning this time, maybe?"

"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit," I said, smirking as I shot another guard. "How long before they come investigate?"

"If we're lucky, five minutes." Natalia said with a grin.

"We're not that lucky," I said, shooting two more.

"Just get me as much time as you can," Skye said. "There's a lot of gigs to reroute!"

"I'll do what I can from here," Natalia said. "James, let me know when we need to relocate."

"Will do, Natalia. Right now it's mostly lookey loos."

"I suppose we should've expected that. We did leave a nice trail of breadcrumbs for them."

"Yes, we did," I grunted. 

I shot a couple more, moving closer to the doorway to clear it out, tossing bodies to the side in a pile. I poked my head in the hallway, finding even more heading our way. I dropped as many as I could, my suit stopping the bullets I didn't manage to block with my arm. It sure beat having to pull them out of my skin, that's for sure.

"Natalia, I could use your help. I'm almost out of rounds."

I heard beeping before she gave her warning to Skye. "Two minutes before it blows, Skye. We're going to be cutting it close on the exit." She tossed me two magazines, finishing off the couple of rounds she had left in her guns before switching her mags out as well.

"I heard you and Barton never have an exit strategy, Romanoff," Skye said.

"Evans insists on them and I don't want another lecture when she gets back from the beach." Natalia looked up at me. "Ready, James? You lead, I'll follow."

"Fine," I said, tossing a gas canister both ways. "30 seconds, then stay close."

We listened to the guards coughing and dropping in the hallway before going back the way we came, holding our breath until we passed the knockout gas. We'd just turned down an empty corridor when the expected explosion hit, shaking the building.

We picked up the pace as the electricity failed, plunging us into darkness. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust before continuing to run down the corridor, turning again to reach the door. It was stuck shut from the electrical failure, so I pulled it free from the frame with my cybernetic arm so we could get outside.

Once out, we raced to the Quinjet, embarking and taking off rapidly. I flicked switches as I plopped into my seat, laughing quietly. "That was fun, Natalia; let's do that again some time."

"You can count on it, James." Natalia gave me a wide grin. "It's my favorite part of my job – blowing shit up."

 

 

 


	26. Explosions

Steve's POV

"Secure channel 7," I said, putting my helmet on as we reached the drop zone.

"7 secure," Ryan replied, adjusting his com. He was my second for this mission.

I walked over and gave my crew their final instructions. We were going to be jumping out near our target while Rumlow continued on with his crew to the next location, which wasn't far by Quinjet time.

"Two minutes to drop zone, Cap," the pilot said. "We're currently at 2500 feet."

Ryan handed me a parachute. "Evans said you have to use this, Cap."

I leveled a look at him. "She threatened you, didn't she?"

He nodded, wide eyed. "How is someone so small and pretty so absolutely terrifying?"

"It's a talent," I ground out between gritted teeth. "You did what you were supposed to, Ryan. Anything from here on out is on me."

Ryan rubbed his neck awkwardly, his cheeks flushing. "Well, that's the thing, Cap. Evans promised she'd put in a good word with Agent Skye for me if I made sure you wore it off the jet."

I sighed and put the parachute on, knowing that she'd find out if I didn't wear it. "I'm only doing this because Skye's asked to meet you guys and I didn't introduce you when we were on the bus."

His answering grin was so wide I could see all of his teeth. I punched the cargo ramp button and strode down the ramp, waiting for the pilot's green light, my men lined up behind me, doing a final equipment check on each other.

"Go, Cap!" the pilot said and I stepped off the ramp, my men walking off right behind me with a slight gap between. I waited as long as possible to open my chute, needing to land before the rest of my men to clear the drop zone for them. When I got to a couple hundred feet, I started releasing my straps and collapsing my chute, sliding free of it for the final drop to land hard on my feet just as they noticed my approach. I had my icer out and knocked the sentries out in less than a minute.

"Drop zone prepped, all initial sentries out of commission." I said, watching the rest of my team approaching the landing zone.

"Cap, you better be sharing the rest with us," Ryan joked as he unhooked his parachute and moved into a better position to cover the team.

"I was planning on it," I grinned, gesturing at the approaching troops. "I just got a little carried away. It looks like there are plenty more for the rest of you."

I raised my shield, getting their attention. They focused on me, largely ignoring the rest of the team. This was why I wasn't allowed to run ops in this part of the world. For whatever reason, they would do anything to take me out, which lead to my suit being reinforced and upgraded to the point that it was almost as good as Tony's armor. My team launched gas and scatter-icer grenades that dropped a majority of the hostiles before they reached us, leaving the remaining forces in confusion.

"Again," I said quickly. "A second round before they realize what's going on."

"I think you're right, Cap," Isaac said, launching more scatter-icer grenades.

Ryan whooped. "Let's thin the ranks some more – they're still focused on Cap!"

I moved away from the rest of the team, covering myself with my shield completely as they started firing on me. My team took care of the rest of the hostiles, the shots ricocheting off my shield dwindling until nothing more came at me.

"All clear?" I asked, poking my head from behind the shield.

"All clear. I've never seen anything like that before, Cap." Ryan said as I stood up. "They really wanted a piece of you something fierce."

"You're telling me," I said, looking around. "Doesn't look like you fellas saved me any."

"You usually get the lion's share, Cap." Isaac said, grinning. "There's always next time."

"Sure pal. There's always a next time. Let's round 'em up and lock 'em down. Ryan, you check the vehicles, make sure we didn't miss anyone. Take John for backup. Copy, John?"

"You got it, Cap," Isaac said before he headed for the line of trucks parked nearby, clapping John on the shoulder as he passed.

"I copy, Cap," John said, letting Ryan cover his position and following him a couple paces back, rifle at the ready.

 

*           *              *

Sarah's POV

"What about the explosives?" I asked as the ringing in my ears finally subsided. I sat up slowly, testing my response. No nausea or vertigo this time, thank goodness. I pulled out my phone and skimmed through the file Jarvis forwarded to my phone, sufficiently impressed with what I read.

"I haven't dealt with them yet. You good now?"

"Yup. Go do your thing, Tony. I'll be fine." I waved my phone at him. "I can connect to our com line through this. This isn't the first time I've lost, ruined or destroyed my com."

"You could just carry a spare, you know." Tony said, pulling me to my feet.

"Pssh, where? Between my boobs?" I gestured at my skin tight catsuit. "It's not like I have firm pockets on this thing, Tony." I looked out over the compound, seeing mostly US Army Desert Camo. I tapped at my phone, connecting into the com lines. "Hey you guuyyys! Report in."

Tony snorted and took off for the east tower to disarm the explosives there.

"Good to hear your voice again, Evans," Jake said. "General Payton's waiting to meet you. We're currently heading for the guard house to look at that machine again."

"Did you seriously quote The Goonies?" Mikey said, laughing. "That movie is older than you, Evans!"

"So are you. Don't diss the classics, Mikey. Donny, Clint – status?"

"I'm on guard detail watching a bunch of knocked out dudes. Got something else for me to do?"

"If Jake told you to do it, you better be doing it, Donny," I said, rolling my eyes. I didn't know what he'd done to piss off Jake this time, but I wouldn't countermand my second's orders without a really good reason. "Jake, I'm heading to you." I started down the stairs, taking them slower than I usually would have, my head still pounding from the blow earlier.

"Barton's showing a couple of Payton's guys around the tunnels," Mike said. "He'll let us know as soon as he has reception again."

"Good to know," I said as I walked into the bustling courtyard. "FYI, my com's kaput again, so if you need something, ask Jake. This app eats through my battery like crazy. Evans out." I said, closing the app as I made my way across the courtyard to the guardhouse, only to have one idiot feel the need to mess with me.

"What's a cutie like you doing in a place like this all on your lonesome?" he asked, reaching for me.

I laid him out on the ground with an icer to his head before he even knew what hit him. He looked at me in amazement, mouth open.   "Don't you know you never touch a Shield Agent without permission? Copy?"

"I copy! I didn't know you were Shield!"

"If your eyes were looking at something other than my tits or ass, you'd have known that." He pissed me off with his 'sorry – not sorry' attitude, so I iced him. I looked around to see I'd drawn a crowd. One man made a motion towards me and I had my icer aimed at him before he finished taking the step. "Anyone _else_ need a lesson in manners?"

The man I had my icer aimed at shook his head. "No, ma'am," he said with a Southern drawl, "If you're Agent Evans, I'm supposed to tell you that General Payton is waiting to see you on the second floor."

I lowered my icer, holstering it. "Tell him I'm on my way up."

"Copy that, Agent," he said, stepping aside to let me pass. "This way, please." I walked up the stairs, the pounding in my head less than before but still annoying. It didn't take me long to find Jake and General Payton looking at the strange machine I'd seen in the cameras.

"Did you figure out what it is?" I asked as I came in the room, walking up beside Jake. He looked over at me and smiled, bumping my shoulder with his arm.

"Not yet. Took you long enough to wake up, Evans."

"It didn't seem like I was out for that long. At least the building didn't come down on me this time."

He shook his head slowly. "It might have if I hadn't pulled you out of the way; it didn't miss you by much – you telling Cap or am I?"

"You're off the hook, McCartney. I'll tell him – if I'm really lucky it'll be before Tony does."

"It better be," he said, turning to the man next to him. "General Payton, this is Agent Sarah Evans."

"I've heard a lot about you, Agent," he held out his hand to me. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"Major General," I replied, shaking his hand firmly. "I wasn't aware that your division was interested in assisting our clean-up efforts."

"I've told Nick Fury that whenever he's running ops in my neck of the woods I expect a courtesy call at the very least. Nick and I go way back, Agent. So I hear one of my men was out of line towards you?"

"I took care of it, sir – he'll wake up with a nasty headache, but he won't make that mistake again." 

Jake looked at me levelly. "Evans? Why didn't you say something sooner?"

I shrugged. "It was nothing, Jake – just the usual shit. Idiot was pathetically attempting to flirt, reached out to touch me, so I dumped his ass in the dirt and iced him when he didn't bother to apologize."

"My apologies, Agent. I don't tolerate or condone that kind of behavior in my men. We are not knuckle dragging Neanderthals."

"Thank you, sir. I don't anticipate any further problems from your men. I believe I made my point clear to them." I took out my phone and took a couple pictures of the machine, sending them to Natasha.

I walked around the machine again, standing with my back to the windows, so I didn't see where the shots came from, but I dived for the General, shoving him to the floor the moment I heard breaking glass. I felt two rounds hit me, but they didn't penetrate my suit –  not that it felt great either. Jake had dropped to the floor to get out of sight before returning fire.

"Evans – status?" Jake asked.

I moved off of General Payton, who was on his com line giving orders as soon as he realized what happened. I tapped my phone to open my com app as I sat up painfully and looked out the broken window.

"Nothing broken," I huffed out. "Hurts to breathe again, though."   

"Tony – where did those shots come from?" Jake asked. "I still don't see anyone."

"Evans – are you okay?" Tony asked. "What the hell happened?"

"I'm okay, sniper rounds didn't get past my suit."

The General carefully helped me to my feet. "Damn, Agent. You sure do move fast. Thank you for getting me out of the way."

"You're welcome, sir." I said as I straightened fully, wincing from the movement. "Jake, did you get them?"

"I don't know. I was firing blind." His blue eyes assessed me quickly, his jaw tightening slightly. "How many hit you?"

"Two? Were you hit?"

"One, but my vest stopped it."

"Better look in a mirror, buddy," I said, turning him so I could see his face better. "You've got a few cuts on your face, mostly shallow; you must've taken glass when the window broke."

"Wouldn't surprise me," he said with a shrug.

"I'm going to find the rest of the team and maybe something to eat. I'm starving."   

"You're always hungry after near death experiences, Evans," Jake replied, relieved I was acting normal.

"So sue me. Accelerated healing uses a lot of energy." I turned to go down the stairs, overhearing a bit of Jake and Payton's conversation.

"If I wasn't happily married, Jake, you could bet your ass I wouldn't be letting that girl walk out the door alone."   

"She's dating Captain America, sir," Jake said, and I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. "Pretty sure he outranks me."

 

*             *                  *

Bucky's POV

"Why are we turning around?" I asked as we made a sudden turn, heading back the way we came. Natalia revved the engine, putting the Quinjet in top gear.

"Because Sarah found something that might be able to help you get your memories back and decommission your activation words." She switched our com channel before speaking again. "Rogers, how are you guys coming?"

"Just getting started with clean-up duty," Steve said. "We should be ready for pickup whenever Rumlow gets done. You guys headed home?"

"Not yet," Natalia replied. "Evans found something for me to look at, so we're headed to their target location now. She lost her com again, by the way."

"Oh. That must have been why I couldn't reach her earlier." Steve said. "Wait - lost or broke?"

"Does it really matter?" I asked. "It doesn't work."

"No – I forgot to tell Jake to take a spare. She doesn't have very good luck with those things lately."

*          *

We walked off the Quinjet into the blinding bright desert. Natalia closed the ramp as soon as we were off to keep the sand out. A guard waved us into the camp and directed us to the guard house where some of Sarah's team was waiting for us. There were a lot of soldiers walking around – far more than the small team they'd left the Triskelion with.

"Who are all of these people, Natalia?"

"Allies. Their commander is an old friend of Fury's and his division has a base nearby, so they brought a couple trucks of troops out to help clear out this target as an exercise."

"Win – win?"

"Yup. McCartney, what the hell happened to you?" Natalia said, pausing to talk to a large blond that I recognized as our neighbor.

"Must look worse than I thought, Romanoff. Snipers took a couple shots through a window at the General. Evans got him out of the line of fire and I gave 'em hell."

"Is she okay?" I asked, suddenly suspicious of her 'lost' com.

"Yeah, she is now," Jake said, flashing a quick smile. "Barton's showing her what they found in the tunnels, but she should be back shortly."

"So where's this machine at?" Natalia asked.

"I'll show you," he said, pointing at a building and falling in next to us. "Payton said he'd like to speak with you when he heard you were coming. You know him?"

"I've known him for as long as I've been with Shield. You used to serve under him when you were in the Marines?"

Jake nodded, smiling. "He's a good commander; almost as good a strategist as Cap."

I smiled, thinking about what Steve would say at that comparison. I looked around as we walked to the building. This place had seen a lot of action recently – there was still a smoking pile of rubble in the center of large courtyard and there were bullet holes in just about everything.

I followed Natalia up the stairs, wondering what we were here to see. I doubted that anything we found here would be useful to me, but stranger things had happened on missions before. Reaching the second floor, I took one look at the machine and grabbed Natalia, shoving her against the wall with one hand against her neck. Jake moved towards us but she waved him off.

"<What kind of trickery is this? I will not be wiped again, Natalia.>"

"<This machine does more than just wiping, James. They used it to program your activation words and kill switch – it can undo all of that, making you safer to be around for Sarah and Steve.>"

I considered that for a long moment before I let go of her, removing my hand from her neck. "<I'm sorry for how I reacted, Natalia. You do not deserve my anger or distrust.>"

"<I understand; I should have warned you about this.>"

I turned away from her, moving as far from the machine as I could without leaving the room. Jake came up to talk to me while we watched Natalia inspect it.

"Are you all right, James?"

"I don't know." I said slowly. My mind was confused as old memories started to resurface. "I remember what it feels like to be in that kind of machine, Jake." I met his eyes, surprised at the understanding I saw there. "Ironic that I would remember that when it took so many of my memories from me. Every time I came out of cryo, they would use this to prep me for my next mission."

He blew out a long breath. "That's messed up, James. Do you want me to find Evans for you?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "I need her."

"I'll go track her down. You going to be all right in the meantime?"

I made a vague motion and he nodded, heading out of the room. It didn't feel like much time had passed before Sarah was standing before me, her beautiful face covered in blood and grime. "Sarah," I breathed as I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her small frame and not caring who saw. "What happened to you? Are you okay?"

"I had a sucky day at work, James, but yeah, I'm okay. How'd your mission go?"

"As expected. We did what we were supposed to and got out of there. Got to blow some shit up."

"Nat's favorite passtime," Sarah said with a laugh.

We stood there quietly for a long time as I got my mind under control, finally letting go of her.

"Are you ready to meet General Payton?"

"If you want me to," I said, searching her face. "Then can we go home? I missed you."

"Yeah, we can," Sarah said with a smile. "Come on, he's waiting to meet you."

 

*            *         *

Steve's POV

"We're all clear here. Ready for cleanup team, Maria," I said into the phone, my com muted so I could talk to her privately.

"They're already on the way, Steve." I could hear the relief in her voice. She'd been worried about sending me here, knowing how the hostiles around here targeted me. "The pilot says he's about twenty minutes out from you."

"Good to know. How'd the other teams do?"

There was a slight hesitation while she checked her notes, I heard her shuffling her papers as she talked to me. "Looks like everyone is done except Rumlow's team."

"What's taking him so long?"

"Don't know yet. He's the only one who hasn't reported in yet."

"Do they need backup?" I asked, knowing she wasn't going to ask my team to jump back in if things were under control. We both knew we couldn't afford to let a single base hold out against Shield in this part of the world.

"If you wouldn't mind, Steve. I'll let you know if they finish before you get there."

"I don't mind; I'll tell the guys in a little bit. How'd Bucky do today?"

"Nat said he was a great partner," Maria said, and I tell she was smiling. "They had a little bit of a hiccup, but it didn't slow them down. I'm sure he'll tell you about it when you see him."

"All right. See you tonight, Maria." I hung up and put my phone back in my pocket before unmuting my com. "Our ride will be here in 20 minutes, team, so let's get this contained for the cleanup crew."

A chorus of 'copy that' came over the coms and I started picking up unconscious hostiles and tossing them in the convoys for my guys to pat down and zip-tie to the railing. It didn't take long for me to do my part, the weapons checks taking the longest.

*        *

The pilot landed near the Hydra base Rumlow's team was supposed to be taking and we disembarked. The first thing I noticed was the silence. Dread snaked through my veins and I hoped that I would be able to at least find the rest of my men in there.

The gates had been blown open and hung askew. My normally joking, rambunctious team was quiet, taking in the scene before us. There were bodies everywhere – not unconscious ones like we'd left behind for the cleanup crew – lifeless ones. They weren't fresh kills, either; after serving in the war, I'd seen enough bodies to know the difference.

"Masks on guys and keep your eyes peeled. I don't know who did this, but chances are the rest of our team is here somewhere."

"Are we on the right com channel, Cap?"

 "We're on the one they're supposed to be on," I said grimly, knowing we should have heard from them by now. "Agent Hill didn't get any response from them either. Move out, let's clear this place first, make sure we aren't walking into a trap."

 We cleared each building one by one, not finding a single trace of life in the whole base. We didn't find any evidence of our missing team, either. I switched over to the Avengers com line as our team left the stinking, fly infested massacre behind us. No need to watch over dead men.

"Hill, come in."

"Yes, Rogers? Did you find them?"

"Negative. Someone beat Rumlow's team here and took out every person on this base a couple days ago, judging from the decomposition. It's not a promising start, Hill."

"Any idea who?"

"No, sorry. No writing, nothing to point to any particular organization." I huffed out a breath. "Can you trace them with their coms or phones?"

"I'll get Sarah on it. Hill out."

I turned to my men, meeting each of their eyes in turn. "Hill and Evans are going to try and trace them."

"I can try messaging Dylan, Cap." Isaac said, his voice gruff. Dylan Gray was his cousin, and they were as close as brothers. Usually Dylan and Isaac were both on my Strike team, but Rumlow had requested him for this mission so he'd have a fluent Arabic speaker on his team as well.

"Go ahead," I nodded my permission for him to try and contact his cousin. "Use something that only he would understand, Ike." He gave me a weak grin at my use of an outdated nickname, tapping rapidly at his phone. I honestly hoped his cousin answered, because the alternative was far worse to consider.

"Rogers, come in," Sarah said quietly over my com.

"I'm here, Evans. Did you find them?"

"Not yet. The pilot confirms that he dropped them at your current coordinates and their coms all still show that they're on line."

"Can you lead me to them?"

"Yes. Sending the tracking signal to your phone now. Open that app I put on your phone last week, the one that looks like a magnifying glass."

I tapped at my phone, opening the app she was talking about. Six pulsing dots appeared on my screen. "How does this work?"

"The closer you get to them, the faster the dots blink," she said. "Tap on a dot and you can track them individually since they're scattered. Is Ryan with you?"

"Yes, why?"

"I'm having Skye send him the blueprints from the archives Nat and James blew up today. If your base is like ours, there are hidden tunnels running in the wall and under the courtyard."

"Thanks, doll. I owe you one," I said as I tapped at the screen, testing the app.

"Just find them, Steve," Sarah said quietly. "We can be there in a half hour if you think you're going to need us."

"I'll do my best," I sighed. "Stay where you are for now, Sarah. I'm not liking the looks of this place."

"And I don't like the sound of that. If I don't hear back from you within two hours, we're coming after you." I smiled at her threat, knowing she meant every word. "I have to go now, but good luck."

I looked down at my phone as I heard her com cut out, tapping the closest dot before looking over at my second, who was also tapping at his phone. "Ryan, did you catch that?"

"Sure did, Cap. Just got the blueprints a second ago. Give us a minute to look them over and we'll be ready to go."

"Do you have a read on their coms?" John asked, and I noticed how pale his face was.

"Yes. Are you all right, John? You don't look very good."

"Just the smell getting to me, Cap. Whoever did this, they wanted to make those guys suffer before they died. None of those shots were kill shots – most of them were gut shots, artery shots. It ain't right. You gotta kill someone, you don't drag it out like that."

"You're right, John. We don't do that, but Hydra, does. They like to see their enemies suffer – which is why we're here trying to find them. You know I won't ever leave any of my team behind if there's anything I can do about it."

"I know that, Cap. I really do." John said, adjusting his gun. "You don't know how much that means to us, being in our corner like that."

"I know you'd all do the same for me."

"We're ready, Cap." Ryan said, nodding. "Evans was right, there are hidden tunnels in this place too."

"Chances are they're not clear, then. We go together, no splitting up this time. Whoever has the team has them spread out and they're expecting us to do the same. You smell anything, get your masks on. I don't have to tell you how fast some of these gasses work. We're going to work our way from dot to dot and then out. Icers at the ready and follow my lead."

We ran back into the compound, the stench of death filling our nostrils again. We came to a halt at the wall, searching for the mechanism to open the passage indicated on the blueprints. I pressed a brick that was smoother than the rest and the wall slid open, revealing a tunnel. I'd expected it to be dark, but it was well lit and obviously used frequently as it was clean and free of dust, insects, and rodents.

We followed the passage to a small side chamber. I nodded to John and he opened the door as we stood ready for an attack. No one was inside, but I found a Shield com on the floor, the dot disappearing as I deactivated the com. I tapped on the next closest dot, and we headed back into the passageway towards it.

This time we found an icer in addition to the com, both shoved out of sight from whoever took our men. We raced down the passage further to the next dot, only finding the com again. It was starting to feel like we were on a wild goose chase until we found the next dot. Unfortunately, this time it wasn't just a com. A smashed, bloody phone was on the floor, not far from the fourth com. Isaac picked it up, his face paling.

"It's Dylan's, Cap. I gave him that case for his birthday last month." He handed it to me and I looked it over.

"Just means he was here. Blood's not completely dried – means it wasn't that long ago. Let's keep moving, stay alert."

We picked up the pace, the fifth com smashed but still transmitting. I deactivated it as we hurried to the last dot, hoping to find something more than a bread crumb. I slowed as we approached the last turn before the final dot's location, raising my shield and my icer. Shots rang out the moment I turned the corner, bouncing off my shield. I started firing, still moving forward. The tunnel was packed full of Hydra soldiers and like always, they all wanted a piece of me.

My team was right on my tail, dropping hostiles as fast as they could, our suits and body armor stopping the bullets from penetrating. If Hydra thought it was going to be easy to take us, they had another think coming. We used the confined space to our advantage, having trained for close quarter fighting. It wasn't long before we broke into their ranks, causing the more cowardly to run. We downed every single hostile, clearing the passage before looking for our teammates.

We found them in a small room, gagged, knocked out, hands and feet zip-tied, and dangling from chains by their wrists. I wasn't sure if they'd put up so much of a fight that their captors had felt the need to truss them up like this or if was simply a precaution. They were far enough away from each other so that even Rumlow couldn't reach any of his weapons. While the other three stayed outside on guard duty, Ryan and Isaac started cutting the zip-ties, quickly freeing their limbs.

"Stay back from me while I break their chains," I said, making sure I had enough room to move as I brought the edge of my shield down on the metal, breaking them free. I caught each man as he dropped, setting him down on the ground. Once they were all free, I tossed two guys over my shoulders.

"Ryan, you lead us back up. Isaac, toss Dylan on me too and you bring up the rear. John, you follow Ryan and Chris, you're behind me."

"Aye aye, Cap," Ryan said, checking the blueprint. "Left up ahead and there should be steps coming up soon."

 We made it to the surface fairly quickly and without meeting any more hostiles. Ryan led us back to the waiting Quinjet where we dumped off the unconscious team. I hailed Maria on the way back to the compound to round up the hostiles from the tunnels.

"Hill, come in."

"This is Hill. Did you find them, Rogers?"

"Yes. We recovered them and they're on the jet, still unconscious. We're heading back in to tie up some loose ends, but we're ready for the clean-up team."

"Thank goodness! I'll let them know. They shouldn't be very far away from your location by now."

"Good to know. Rogers out."


	27. Outburst

Steve's POV

My eyes searched for Bucky and Sarah as soon as we disembarked from the Quinjet in DC. We were the last team to come in; everyone else should have been back hours ago. I walked down to Sarah and Maria's office; seeing light coming from under the doors, I let myself in and shut the door behind me to see Maria watching Sarah and Bucky with amusement.

They were having what looked like an intense argument in Russian, but from the looks of it, neither one was winning. They had both showered and changed, and I immediately noticed the small marks on her face that were already almost healed.

"What's this about?" I asked Maria, settling on the edge of her desk to see them better through the connecting door.

She stood up and came to stand next to me, crossing her arms in front of her. "He's upset that she got hurt today, she's explaining what happened."

"I really need to master Russian," I said with a shake of my head. "I always think they're up to something when they do this."

"You wouldn't be wrong part of the time, but yes, you do." She smiled briefly before becoming serious again. "What didn't you want to tell me over the coms earlier today?"

"That second mission – to get the rest of the team back – should never have happened. None of them knew _how_ the hostiles got the drop on them. Whatever they used had them out cold until right before we landed."

"I agree with you, Steve. The Strike teams are all made up of highly trained, incredibly resourceful men. They've done this kind of mission a thousand times before and this has never happened."

"Is it our mole?"

"I don't know, but it kind of looks that way. We didn't give assignments until they were in the air."

"So it's someone on the teams or high enough up to have the details of the assignments."

"Basically," Maria agreed. "I think they're done arguing..." Her voice dropped off as she stared in shock at Sarah and Bucky kissing passionately not five feet from us before her eyes flicked to me.

"It's a long story," I said with a smile, "but yes, I'm okay with this, among other things." I raised my voice slightly when they broke apart. "Let's go home, guys."

"Steve! You're finally back," Sarah said as she launched herself at me, kissing me lightly as she hugged me.

"Sorry I'm late, doll. Things took a little longer than I'd planned today."

"It's about time," Bucky said, smirking at me. "I was thinking-"

"That's a dangerous pastime, Buck." I quoted the Disney movie we'd watched last weekend. He snorted as he made the connection as I stood up. "Night, Maria. See you tomorrow?"

She shook her head at me. "Take a day off, Steve. You, too Sarah, James; it's after midnight already anyways."

"Thank you, Maria."

I leaned over and kissed her cheek, smiling as she flushed. Sarah pulled her into a hug, whispering in her ear for a moment before heading for the door with me. Bucky took the cake, though, sweeping Maria into his arms and kissing her soundly, much to everyone's surprise. Sarah's eyes widened, but a smile hovered on her lips, so I knew she wasn't upset with him.

"That's how you thank a woman, Stevie," he said, grinning at me as he started to let go of her, leaving her looking at him bemusedly, her cheeks even pinker than before. "Especially when she's as good to you as Maria is."

"What the hell?" Clint said from behind me. I hadn't even heard him come in Maria's office, but he tended to move quietly. He stood in the doorway, glaring at Bucky, who was still holding Maria in his arms.

"Clint –" I started to say before he cut me off, clearly livid.

"How would you like it if I did that to your girl, James?" He roughly pulled Sarah into his arms and kissed her, taking her by surprise.

I felt like I'd just been stabbed in the chest, the knife twisting its way to my heart, and I found I couldn't look away. I wasn't the only one affected like this and a movement from the corner of my eye alerted me to danger. Bucky's face was contorted in rage and I grabbed him before he reached Clint, shoving him into the wall and forcibly holding him there, afraid of what he would do right now if I let him go.

"Let go of me, Steve!" Bucky struggled to get past me, his expression murderous. "I'm going to kill him for touching her like that!"

"No, Buck! I can't do that – you'll regret it later."

"Clint – stop!" I heard Sarah say to Clint, pushing him back from her as I struggled to hold Bucky back. "It wasn't what it looked like!"

"Then what the fuck was it?" He shook her once and I tightened my hold on Bucky, knowing I didn't dare let go of him now, not with Clint acting like this. Bucky was almost as strong as I was – and that wasn't taking his cybernetic arm into account. Bucky kept fighting me, trying to get to Clint.

"Seriously? Let go of me." She pushed Clint back from her hard, breaking his grip on her arms. "We were goofing around; he didn't mean anything by it."

"Don't fucking lie to me, Sarah," he ground out, his eyes narrowed and focused on her. Maria stepped in, shifting his focus to her.

"Knock it off, Clint," Maria said, pushing him back from Sarah, who was rubbing her arms where he'd grabbed her, watching him closely. "She's not lying. He was just thanking me for giving them the day off tomorrow," Maria said, touching his arm lightly. "What's got into you?"

I didn't see where it came from, but Bucky managed to get a knife in his hand and suddenly evade my grasp, spinning around me and raising the blade with the intent of plunging it into Clint. Bucky was just bringing the knife down when Sarah moved in front of Clint to block him, giving me the precious seconds I needed to get to him.

"James, no!" Sarah said as she brought both of her arms up to slow Bucky's cybernetic arm, shoving him back with all of her considerable strength but barely budging him. "Don't do this!" she pleaded as she brought her knee up, kicking him back from her as I got a hold of Bucky and pulled him away from her, the blade skittering off my armored stealth suit before I knocked it from his hand.

I didn't want to have to do it, but he'd made me promise that if it ever seemed like he'd lost control and went after the team that I'd shut him down. I whispered < _SPUTNIK_ > in Russian in his ear and caught him as he slumped bonelessly, completely unconscious. I lowered him to the ground, laying him down gently.

Clint attempted to speak to me, but I couldn't focus on what he was saying, the buzzing in my ears was too loud. It felt like I couldn't breathe and I searched for Sarah, needing to know she was okay. I felt a small hand touch my arm and I looked up to see Sarah in front of me. I pulled her into my arms, burying my face in her hair, finally feeling like I could breathe again.

"Are you all right?" I asked, kissing her temple.

"I'm fine, Steve." She said quietly, running her hands over me, checking for injuries. "The blade didn't touch me. It shouldn't have gotten through your suit, either."

"It didn't," I assured her. "What the hell happened? One moment everything was fine and the next I'm holding Bucky back so he doesn't kill Clint."

She looked down at the assassin crumpled on the floor. "How long is James going to be out for?"

"I don't know. I've never had to use his word before."

Her golden brown eyes met mine and I saw the anger swirling in them, taking me slightly aback. "I'm going to talk to Maria for a little bit while you and Clint work things out," Sarah said, glaring at him.

I shook my head as I felt my own anger at him flare up. I hadn't forgotten how he'd kissed her a little bit ago. "I need to calm down before I can do that."

"Then take a couple minutes and go shower and change," she suggested, her voice hardening. "We aren't going home until James wakes up anyways."

"I suppose you're right," I said, another question popping into my mind considering her usual reaction to fights among the team – flight. "You're not leaving, are you?"

"Wasn't planning on it." She stepped out of my arms and grabbed Clint's shirt with both hands to pull him down so they were face to face. "You _will_ work this out with Steve _and_ James tonight, Clinton Francis Barton."

 "Or what?" Clint asked, glaring right back at her.

He paled slightly as she narrowed her eyes at him. "Or so help me God I will make your lives a living hell until you do get things worked out – all of you." She glared at me as well, taking me aback at the anger on her face. "Try me, I triple dog dare you."

"You're seriously pissed," Clint said, searching her face.

"With good reason, don't you think? If Steve hadn't gotten ahold of James, I wouldn't be here, Clint. I – can't – stop – him – alone," she ground out, poking his chest emphatically with each word. I'd never seen her so livid before; I was actually almost afraid of her myself. She let go of him abruptly, leaving him off balance.

 

*             *                *

Sarah's POV

I stepped over James' legs and gestured for Maria to precede me from the room. I needed to leave before I did something I regretted, I was so angry right now I couldn't even see straight, actually seeing red.

"Do you think James was really trying to kill Clint?" I asked her once we were out of earshot, heading for the elevator to get something to eat from the cafeteria. I was running on fumes, which didn't help my temper.

"I think he would have if you hadn't stopped him; he was so angry that if he was Bruce he'd have been green."

I nodded once. "I don't think James meant anything by it, you know. Kissing you." I looked at her, seeing her watching me closely. "He probably shouldn't have done it, but none of us could have predicted what happened."

Maria shook her head slightly, a small frown line between her eyes. "I know he didn't mean anything – it just took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting Clint to kiss you like that, though."

"Me either – we haven't kissed since that covert op in South America." A thought had occurred to me earlier, so I decided it couldn't hurt to ask. "Are you with Clint, Maria? Was that why he reacted like that?"

"We're not dating, Sarah; we're just friends. He used to be my partner a long time ago, when he first joined Shield."

"Just friends?" I shook my head slowly. "No, I think there's more to it than that." Clint wouldn't have reacted like he did if there wasn't a reason for it, even if Maria didn't know he felt that way about her.

 

*           *            *

Steve's POV

"I need to get cleaned up and then we'll talk, Barton." I needed to calm down or I was going to say something I was going to regret. Clint nodded slightly, avoiding my eyes.

I stormed out of Maria's office to the locker room, stripping quickly and getting in the shower. I let the hot water relax me, calming me down somewhat. My first lucid thought was thank God Bucky didn't complete the motion or Sarah wouldn't be here. When I finally had a leash on my temper, I turned off the water and dried off, putting on my street clothes. Clint was waiting for me when I walked in, sitting down and watching Bucky, who was still out. 

"Can you at least tell me why?" I said quietly, standing across from him and watching his body language. "I think I deserve to know what was going through your head considering I just knocked Bucky out to keep him from actually killing someone – most likely Sarah."

He looked up at me, his blue eyes hesitantly meeting mine. "I'm sorry, Steve. I don't know what else to say."    

"Are you seeing Maria? Because a heads up would have prevented this whole thing."

"No." He fell silent for a moment. "I shouldn't have provoked him like that."

"Why did you, Clint? You know how he is about Sarah."

"I do know. But it seemed like he's taking everyone I care about from me. First Sarah, then Nat, and now Maria - I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Clint," I said, taking a quick breath. "Trust me, I get how you feel – you illustrated that quite clearly when you kissed Sarah like that in front of me."

He winced at the realization that by trying to strike at Bucky, he'd struck out at me, too. "Sorry, Steve. I wasn't thinking; I'm probably lucky you didn't try to kill me too."

"The thought did cross my mind – after the shock wore off. It's been a long, exhausting day for all of us and I'm not sure we shouldn't talk about this tomorrow instead."

He shook his head at the suggestion. "I think we need to finish this tonight, otherwise we never will. I just lost my head for a moment when I walked in and saw him kissing Maria like that." Clint exhaled loudly, meeting my eyes. "It should've been me, Steve  –  he was going for _me_ when Sarah blocked him."

"Then we'd be arranging a funeral, Clint," I said roughly, sitting down in the chair beside him. "That would be even worse because we could've prevented it and you've been Bucky's friend since he returned." I ran my hand over my face, looking down at the prone body on the floor. "I'm just glad we kept him from doing something I know he'd regret when he calmed down."

"Me, too. I sure wasn't acting like a very good friend tonight, was I?"

I'd had a thought in my head since the first moment when he's acted so out of character tonight. "Clint, this wasn't like when Loki was in your head this spring, was it? Because this wasn't like you at all."

"No – I just felt so much anger – like I needed to hurt someone, even while Sarah was blocking James. He's a determined bastard when he wants to be."

"Language," I said out of habit, laughing at Clint's expression when I said it.

Clint huffed out a laugh. "Sorry, Steve."

"I felt it, too. I've only felt that angry once before – when I thought Hydra had killed Bucky. And it was exactly like you said – I needed to hurt someone, badly. That's not me, Clint."

"Sarah, too. She's never talked to us like that before."

"Maria didn't seem to be affected, though. Do you think we were exposed to something on our missions today? They were all Hydra bases."

"It's possible. I've felt out of sorts since before we left Syria and I could tell Sarah wasn't quite herself either, but I just thought that was because she was injured. She was on her tablet the whole way back working on something."

"I've never seen her that angry before; have you?" I asked as my phone and Clint's both rang.

"You guys acting weird tonight too?" Tony asked without greeting us. "Sarah just called to see if I'd noticed anything strange about today's missions." Clint and I stared at each other before answering him affirmatively.

 

*           *               *       

James' POV

I woke up to see two men standing watch over me. They were both large, muscular blonds with blue eyes. One was a little taller than the other and he smiled as he reached a hand out, making me flinch back from him. I knew flinching would get me disciplined, but I couldn't help myself. He dropped his hand back to his side, looking at the other guard, who shook his head.

"<Ready to comply,>" I said, sitting up and taking stock of my weapons, only to find myself unarmed.

"Bucky?" the taller blond asked.

"<Who the hell is Bucky?>" I replied, risking a glance up at my guards. One of them looked at me in confusion and the other seemed – resigned?

"<Use English, soldier,>" the smaller blond said. "Your name is Sargent James Buchanan Barnes." I considered his words and made an effort to think in English, words coming to me slowly.

"I do not know this name," I said, standing up and moving into assignment position. "It is my cover?" I watched as one of the men took out a piece of glass from his pocket and tapped at it before holding it up to his face, his eyes on me the whole time.

"I need you to get back here now. We've got a problem." He continued speaking as I met his cobalt gaze briefly before dropping my eyes again, ready for the blow that should follow my audacity. "You'll see when you get here."  He put the piece of glass back in his pocket again, watching me carefully.

"No," the other blond male said. "It's your real name. What do you think your name was?"

"I am the Winter Soldier. I have no name." The two men shared a look before looking back at me again. "I am ready for my assignment, Comrades."

The taller blond spoke this time. "We're waiting for someone else to get here, James. At ease, soldier."

I stood at parade rest, understanding that this person had to be there before I would be given my mission. I looked around at my surroundings, realizing they didn't match with what I'd expected to see. This was clearly a female's office; the desk and chair designed for a smaller frame than the men before me. A woman's coat rested on the back of the chair and a couple hair pins were mixed in with the paperclips on the desk.

I didn't have long to wait before the door opened and two beautiful brunettes came into the office. The slightly older woman was wearing flexible armor, and confidently moved to stand beside the shorter blond, who smoothly maneuvered her behind the desk; therefore keeping her safer from me, at least in his eyes.

The younger woman came up beside the taller blond, looking over at me curiously. She must be the one we were waiting for because they all watched her carefully.

"What's wrong, Steve?" She said in a well modulated voice, American, I determined. "James, how are you feeling?"

"I am ready for my assignment,"  I responded, not sure why she would ask that question of me.

Her expression changed abruptly and her eyes met those of both of the other men before looking at me again. "<What is your name, Soldier?>"

"<I am the Winter Soldier, I have no name.>"

"<What is my name?>"

"<I do not know. I've never seen you before.>"

She came up to me without hesitation, standing closer than I expected as she looked me over. Her golden brown eyes held mine and I stared at her captivating face, my hands itching to touch her long, auburn curls. I clenched my hands behind my back, refusing to let this woman be the reason for another punishment, no matter how beautiful she was.

"James, do you remember me?" She touched my face with one hand lightly, her thumb brushing over my jawline. A broken memory came to mind of her in a red dress, speaking to me and another man, but part of the memory was missing. I tried to hide my confusion, but she noticed it, smiling – sadly? Why would she be sad? "Or do you remember Peggy?"

I inhaled sharply, the scent of her familiar perfume filling my nostrils. Peggy – the woman in red – was the woman in front of me. She stretched up on tiptoe, pressing her soft lips to mine. I pulled her tight to me, deepening the kiss as memory after memory of her came to mind. "Peggy," I whispered against her lips, ecstatic that I hadn't lost her after all. "You're here."

"I'm here," she said, pulling back from me just enough so she could see my face. "Sorry I took so long. Who am I, James?"

"Peggy Carter," I said without hesitation, smiling at her. She closed her eyes for a moment before looking over at the taller blond man, who had a stricken expression on his face before he suddenly left the room.

 

*               *                 *

Steve's POV

I hadn't realized until just then how hard Sarah had worked to bring Bucky back to himself between the time he'd arrived in DC and the time I'd returned home from my mission. That man in there was Bucky – he just didn't remember being Bucky. I couldn't stay there and have him looking at me like I was a stranger, or worse – his handler.

I walked out of Maria's office and closed the door behind me. I leaned against the wall, out of sight but not out of earshot. My chest hurt so hard it felt like when it was wide open on the operating table with Dr Q holding my heart in his tongs. I struggled to breathe, my lungs refusing to take in oxygen like they were supposed to. I slid down the wall, one hand over my eyes and the other pressing against my chest, trying to keep the pain from spreading.

This was my fault. I shouldn't have used his kill switch phrase without knowing what would happen afterwards, but I knew that I'd have had to knock him out one way or another – he'd been too angry to attempt to talk any sense into him at the time.

"Steve?" A familiar voice said. "Are you all right?" I looked up to see Jake looking at me in concern.

"I thought you guys had left already," I said, not expecting to see anyone else tonight.

"I forgot my keys in my locker or I'd be halfway home already,"  he said with a grin. "Jet lag or sleep deprivation getting to me, I guess. Not sure which."

"I hear you," I said, thankfully winning the fight with my lungs.

"I know it's not really my place to ask, but is everything all right with you and Evans? She looked a little upset earlier."

I snorted at the mildness of his phrasing considering he'd have seen her when she stormed out of Maria's office earlier. "Upset – that's a good one, Jake! Thanks, but we're fine," I said, hoping it was true. I must not have said it convincingly enough because he gave me a skeptical look.

"You need a ride back to our building?"

"No, I'll wait for Sarah. She's almost done, I think. Something came up she needed to deal with before we could leave."

"I see. At least it looked like she's over her concussion," Jake said, "She took quite a hit earlier today."

"I heard she was out for a couple minutes," I said, waiting to see if Jake would say more about it.

"Yeah, scared the hell out of all of us, seeing her go down like that. I couldn't get to her right away, they had me pinned down until Barton took them out. I thought Barton was going to kill them all single handedly, he was that pissed."

"He has a soft spot for her," I said dryly. "Can't say I blame him – I'd have done the same."

Jake nodded, acknowledging that. "She tell you she saved General Payton's life, too?

"No, she didn't, but that doesn't surprise me – she thinks it's bragging to say things like that."

"Bragging, right!" Jake snorted.  "She covered him with herself so fast I hadn't even processed the glass breaking behind us. He was quite impressed by her."

"Good thing we upgraded her suit," I sighed. "She definitely didn't tell me about that yet."

"Then don't tell her I told you. I don't want her pissed at me after seeing what she does to people that piss her off. To be fair, the dickhead had it coming for trying to touch her."

I groaned, rubbing my hand over my face. "I don't want to know, do I?"

"Not much to know. Dickhead attempted to flirt with her and reached out to touch her, so she laid him out and iced him when he wouldn't apologize."

"So the usual?" I held out my hand and he pulled me to my feet, giving me a wry grin. This wasn't the first time it'd happened, and as beautiful as she was, I knew it wouldn't be the last, but she could take care of it herself and preferred to not let me get involved.   

"Yup," Jake agreed, knowing that as well as I did. "Night, Steve. I'm going to head home if you're good."

"I'm good, but thanks for the offer. Night, Jake."

 

*          *       *

Sarah's POV

I didn't know a heart could hurt so badly until it was clear that James didn't know _me_ again – not the real me. He'd gone back to thinking I was Peggy Carter just when we'd finally started making progress with regaining his memories.

I hoped that this was just temporary because if it was hard on me, it was going to be even harder on Steve, having his best friend gone again when he'd finally adjusted to the way Bucky was now. The Bucky that Steve knew 70 years ago was gone, but he'd still had James - until now.

I watched Steve fleeing from the corner of my eye, not sure I should take my eyes off James right now. I could tell by his stance that the Soldier was still more in charge than James, and I didn't trust the Soldier, not one little bit.

"James, there was an...accident. You were knocked out and apparently lost your memory. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" His face showed only puzzlement. "Your name is Sargent James Buchanan Barnes."

I slipped my hand under the collar of his shirt and fished out a chain, bringing it up so he could see the two small pieces of embossed metal. He studied them briefly, before looking back at me again.

"So I really am James. Who is this Steven G Rogers and why do I wear his name as well?"   

"He's your best friend." James nodded once, accepting that statement. I gestured at the other people in the room, curious to see if his memories of them were affected as well or just certain ones. "James, do you remember Clint Barton?"

He looked at Clint for a long moment before nodding. "The archer, Hawkeye." He glanced at me, a frown on his brow. "Do we work together?"

"Sometimes," Clint said, nodding.

"This is Maria Hill. She's technically in charge of us."

"Miss Hill," James said with a slight smile, shaking the hand Maria held out to him.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked James as Steve came back in the office, looking a little more like himself.

"Where's home, Peggy?"

"An apartment here in DC. This is Steve Rogers, James. He's also your roommate."

Steve held out his hand to James like they were being introduced for the first time and James took it, shaking it firmly.

"Steve?" James asked, a wrinkle forming on his brow. "I'm sorry, I can't seem to remember anything about you, Steve."

I blinked rapidly, hiding my face from James as Steve evenly replied, "I'm sure it will come back to you. Are you both ready to go?"

"I'm ready," I said, grabbing my keys from my desk, James following my movement with his eyes. "Do you need to grab anything from the locker room?"

"Not tonight," Steve said, shaking his head. "I'll get it later. Good night, Clint, Maria."

"Night," they replied as I followed Steve out of the office, James' human hand catching mine when I came over next to him again.  
  


*          *              *

James' POV

I held onto Peggy's soft, warm hand as we walked down a hallway to an elevator. My surroundings seemed familiar, but I couldn't remember how I knew that. We rode down in a strange, charged silence. I studied Steve while we waited, noticing the way his eyes were drawn to Peggy. She studiously avoided his eyes, keeping her face down and letting her auburn curls hide her from me.

In the reflective glass of the elevator, though, I swore I saw tears running down her cheek. By the time we reached the vehicle and got inside, I was convinced my eyes were playing tricks on me. Her eyes were shiny, but clear; there was no trace of tears on her cheeks.       

I looked out the windows as we drove to the home I didn't remember, but nothing I saw jogged my memory. It was frustrating, knowing you could sense you were missing something but not knowing what exactly it was. I looked up front to see Peggy holding Steve's hand so tightly her knuckles had turned white. They shared small glances as his thumb rubbed over the back of her hand.    

"We're here," Steve said when we reached the fourth floor landing of another familiar building, stopping at the first door when they walked down to the second. Peggy unlocked the door I was waiting in front of before going down to the next door and unlocking it as well, opening the door and starting to walk in.

"Where are you going?" I asked her, confused as to why she wasn't coming in with us.

"This is my place but you'll see me in a few minutes. I'll be right over as soon as I grab a few things."

"Come on, Buck. Let's get ready for bed." Steve gestured for me to enter first, following me in and shutting the door behind me. I took things out of my pockets and set the on the small table by the door before realizing that this must be a habit I'd learned. I'd removed keys, a wallet and a piece of glass and metal like the one I'd seen Steve use earlier.

"What is this?" I asked him, holding it up. "It was in my pocket."

"It's your phone, Bucky. Touch the little circle lightly and it'll turn on."

"Why do you keep calling me Buck or Bucky?"

"It's your nickname – and I've always called you that, ever since we were little kids in Brooklyn."

I did as he said, pressing the circle, and a photo of me, Peggy and Steve was the first thing I saw. She was in that red dress I remembered and Steve and I were both in Army dress uniforms. Steve was still standing next to me, so he saw it as well.

"That was last month, at Halloween." He smiled fondly. "Sarah had us wear them for the party and take pictures with her."

"Sarah? Who's that?" The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't place the name with a face.

"Sarah Evans, the woman in the picture who looks like Peggy."

"Oh," I said quietly, considering that. He certainly believed what he was telling me. He touched the phone and another picture showed up of me and him, both of us shirtless with our arms around each other, Steve kissing my cheek. I looked up at him with wide eyes, confused.

"We took that Monday night," he said, searching my face. His face tightened and he closed his eyes, sighing quietly. "I wish you could remember."

He turned away from me when I didn't say anything more, moving further into the apartment. I set the phone down, not sure what to do with it. I watched from the doorway as he dug in the dresser and pulled some clothes out, setting them on the bed.

"The bathroom is to your right, Buck." I turned to see what he was talking about, reaching out to turn on the light. "Here are some sleeping clothes for you to wear tonight. I'll be right back, okay?"

I nodded, walking into the bedroom and shutting the door behind me. I stripped and changed into the clothes he'd set out for me, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking around the room. I looked in the nightstand beside what seemed to be my bed and found a journal there filled with my handwriting. I flipped to the beginning and began to read.

 

*           *           *

Steve's POV

I let myself into Sarah's apartment while Bucky got ready for bed. She was wearing her favorite silky thin strapped nightgown that only covered her to mid thigh. Unfortunately, it also showed the bruises on her arms from Clint's hands, my anger at him spiking again as I touched them lightly.

"I know they look bad, Steve, but they'll be gone by morning."

"Not the point," I said quietly, kissing her forehead. "How's your head, by the way?"

"I'm fine now; it was just a concussion. How did you know about it – Tony, Clint or Jake?"

"Not telling," I said as I took her into my arms, holding her tightly while I could. "Just a concussion – so you weren't knocked out when you were thrown from an exploding building into a truck?"

She groaned, resting her head on my chest. "My money's on Clint, then. I told Jake I'd tell you, I just hadn't gotten around to it yet with everything that happened tonight." She stretched up on her tiptoes, winding her arms around my neck and kissing me gently.

"I hear General Payton speaks highly of you. What happened there?"

"So it was Jake who told you," she said, groaning. "I knew it."

"Jake only mentioned Payton, Sarah. Are you going to tell me?"

"Fine – snipers were targeting the General through the windows. Base was supposed to be secure, we missed a couple hostiles. I didn't let them succeed, took two to the back but they didn't penetrate my suit. He was grateful I pushed him out of the way, end of story."

"How badly are you bruised?"

"The pj's are staying on tonight so James doesn't flip out," she said, giving me a look. "You know how he gets about these things."

"I know." I exhaled loudly, pulling her tight to me and hugging her fiercely. "What if he doesn't ever remember me?"

Her hands ran up and down my back soothingly. "He will. He remembered you before, Steve," she said kissing me lightly. "I know it seems bad, but he remembers some things, at least."   

"I don't know how you did it the first time, Sarah. He doesn't know who you are or anything about either of us."

"It wasn't easy, but I had Jace and Nat to help me."

"Was he like this when you found him in Kiev?"

"Yes."

"I'm still a little blindsided by the whole thing. Who'd have thought the word to shut him down would turn him back into the Winter Soldier?" I stroked her face lightly. "How do we get Bucky back again?"

"We do whatever we have to do while staying calm and understanding." She rested her head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat as I rested my head on hers. "I love you both, Steve, and I will do everything I can to get him back again."

I kissed her softly, "I know you will – I love you, too, doll." I let go of her reluctantly. "I'm going to try calling Natasha – she should be informed of this development."

"Good idea. She's still en route to her location, so she might answer. I'm going to go check on James. I don't think we should leave him alone for very long." She pulled on her sweatshirt and grabbed her keys and phone before giving me one last kiss before she walked out the door.

"I hope so," I said, pulling my phone from my pocket. This wasn't going to be a fun conversation, I knew that already. How was I supposed to tell Natasha that my best friend almost killed her best friend today - and had lost his memory again?

 

*                *              *

Sarah's POV

"Hey," I said as I let myself into Steve and James' bedroom. "I see you found one of your journals."

"It was in this drawer," James said as he looked up at me, having tensed when he heard me entering the apartment. "This isn't the first time I've lost my memory, is it?"

"No, but it's the first time since you've been here with us that you have. It took you about two weeks last time to remember that I was Sarah and not Peggy."

I sat on the edge of the bed next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. He shifted me so I was sitting in his lap and I glanced at the pages in front of me. This was one of his earlier journals, his handwriting as rough and messy as his thoughts. His latest one – which was currently at my place – had almost been as neatly written as Steve's mission reports in smooth copperplate script. It was a little ridiculous that both of them had nicer handwriting than me.

"Why did I lose it this time?" James asked, setting the book aside to study me. "Was I taken by Hydra again?"

I shook my head. "No, one moment you were yourself and the next you were fighting with Clint and honestly trying to kill him." I met his blue-gray eyes, watching his reaction. "I got in your way so you didn't, but we couldn't get the knife from your hand or get you away from him – you just kept coming. Steve used your shut down word when you almost injured me trying to get to Clint." I looked down, not wanting him to see how damp my eyes were becoming. "We thought the Soldier had taken over you again."

He put his finger under my chin, wanting me to look at him. "I'm sorry, doll. I don't know what happened to make me want to hurt you." He brushed my loose hair back from my face before kissing me.

"I did put myself in your way until Steve could grab onto you again, but I'm not strong enough to stop your cybernetic arm."

"Did I know you?"   

"I'm not sure," I hedged. "I've never seen you act like that before."

 

*          *            *

James' POV

I woke up with a scantily clad woman in my arms, her limbs entangled with mine, but I was unsure of her identity and where we were. This wasn't any of the safe-houses I usually used, but it seemed familiar. Her scent was well known to me, my body was already responding to her proximity. We were alone in the room, the other bed unoccupied. It'd been used, though, so there was another person somewhere in this place.

I brushed the dark, curly locks back from her face, the sense that I knew her becoming more definite. Her eyes fluttered open, long lashes framing beautiful golden brown eyes that were vague with sleep and she smiled happily at me.

"Morning, James," her husky voice turning me on even more. "Did you sleep well?"

Her hand came up to stroke my face as she shifted in my arms, her lips finding mine. This just felt right, having her here - not just any woman - her. Peggy, my brain finally determined. This was my Peggy.

"Hmm, good morning to you too, doll."

I deepened the kiss, rolling us so she was on top of me, running my hands down her sleek curves, caressing the soft, full breasts that fit perfectly in my hands. She moaned quietly against my lips as I tweaked and rolled her nipples, shifting to give me better access to them.

I found the hem of her nightshirt, easing it up and off of her so I could see all of her. She in turn tugged at my shirt, wanting me to remove it. I quickly pulled it off and discarded it, along with the rest of my clothes. Her eyes skimmed over me, an appreciative smile on her face. She reached for me, her small hand stroking my length and rolling something on my cock as she leaned up to kiss me again.

"I need you in me, James."

"So impatient," I grinned, "Let's see if you're ready for me." I found the nub hidden in her dark curls and stroked it with my cybernetic fingers. She writhed beneath me, gasping when I slid one finger into her wet heat. She was more than ready for me and I shifted to enter her with one deep plunge.

Her head lolled back with pleasure and I groaned at how incredibly good she felt. She wrapped her legs around me, taking me in deeper, her fingernails lightly dragging over my back. The metal chain around my neck was pushed back so it wasn't between us. My lips smothered her noises as she came, her orgasm bringing on my own release. I collapsed onto her, still inside her but drained momentarily.

"You're sure feisty when you're riled, doll."

"What can I say - you know how I like it. You felt so good." She kissed me gently, stroking my face. "You need a shave, babe. You're getting pretty scruffy again."

I rubbed my scruff against her neck, getting a giggle out of her as she tried to squirm away from me. "But then I can't do this," I teased.

"James! Stop! I'm going to bite you if you don't stop!" she said in between giggles before sinking her teeth into my shoulder. The action jolted a memory, and I froze, looking down at her.

"Sarah?"

She took her teeth from my shoulder and smiled. "Do you remember me now?"

"How could I forget you?" I asked, shifting so I wasn't crushing her, taking the used condom off my cock and throwing it in the small garbage by the bed.

"There was a situation last night," she said, holding my eyes with her own. "You lost control and Steve had to use your shutdown word. When you woke up, you were the Winter Soldier again and didn't remember me...or Steve."

"I just remembered you now, when you bit me. Peggy never did that."

"Good to know," she said quietly. "I'll try that sooner next time. Do you remember everything?"

I shook my head slowly. There were a lot of gray, foggy parts in my mind. "You let me think you were Peggy, didn't you."

She nodded. "You didn't believe I wasn't her, James. You didn't recognize my name; you thought my picture was her - what else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. I'm so sorry, Sarah." I kissed her lightly, stroking her face.

"For what?" she asked, confused.

I swallowed hard, knowing this probably wasn't the best thing for me to say right now but still needing to say it. "For making love to you when I didn't know who you really were."

 

* * *

Sarah's POV

I closed my eyes at his words, knowing he meant that as an apology - he wasn't saying that to hurt me. I knew what was going to happen from the first kiss this morning. We'd been together long enough for me read him easily. I decided I'd better figure out how much he remembered, because something told me he didn't remember Steve yet.

"Well, it's not really what I wanted to hear from you, but this isn't the first time we've been in this situation, James. Do you remember Kiev?"

He shook his head once. I reached for my phone and pulled up the picture we'd taken together. I handed it to him and he sat up, studying the photo.

I sat up, pulling my knees up and resting my head on them. "Now do you remember?"

"I followed you to your flat."

"Yes."

"We made love then, too. Someone else was there - someone I knew."

"Natalia Alianova Romanova, the Black Widow." I scrolled to a picture I'd taken of the two of them together. "She was your lover - is your lover, still sometimes."

He stared at the photo for a long moment before looking back at me, confused. "But I love you."

"I know, but you care for her as well."

I knew Natasha's claim on him preceded mine; it hadn't bothered me when they were together. Today was the first time I'd had sex with James since he'd met Steve and it had felt like I'd found a missing piece of myself, being with him like that. I reached down and found my nightie, pulling it on so James wouldn't see my back yet. I could still feel the bruises when I moved.

"And you're fine with that?" James asked, looking at me skeptically.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I said with a shrug. "You were with Natalia long before I was born, James. You've known her most of your life; you've only known me for a couple months."

"I suppose when you put it that way it does make sense, I guess."

I scrolled to another picture, one of him and Steve together. They'd been goofing around when I'd snapped it, but it was one of Steve's favorite pictures of them. "Do you remember Steve?"

"He was here with us last night."

"Yes. You both live here, I live next door."

He thought about that for a little bit. "This isn't where we normally sleep."

"No, we normally all sleep together at my place. My bed is big enough for all of us."

"I live here?"

"Yes. You've lived here with Steve for a little more than a month now."

 

* * *

Steve's POV

I came back upstairs after my workout, drenched in sweat and ready for a shower. I let myself in quietly, wondering if Bucky and Sarah were still sleeping. Bucky really wasn't a morning person, but Sarah was usually up by now. I heard both of their voices in the bedroom, so I walked in, surprised to see them sitting up and talking in bed. Sarah gestured for me to come closer and grabbed my hand, pulling me down so I was sitting on the bed as well, twining her fingers with mine.

"James is starting to remember things, Steve. He knows who I am now."

"That's good," I said, squeezing her hand lightly. "It's good to have you back again, Buck."

"There's a lot I don't know, but I know you're Steve."

Sarah let go of me. "I'm going to go get dressed. Do you want to go out for breakfast this morning?"

"Sure," I said, looking over at Bucky, wondering what he'd say.

"Can we have pancakes?"

"Sure James," she said with a grin. "I was expecting you to say that; iHop it is! Uggh, Steve - you're soaking wet!" She'd put a hand on my shoulder as she stood up, only to pull it back just as suddenly, wiping it on my pants as Bucky and I laughed at her reaction.

"I had a good workout while you two lazybones were still snoozing." I smiled up at her, an idea popping into my mind. I pulled her into my arms, hugging her to my wet torso, knowing how she hated it when I did that when she wasn't just as sweaty.

"Stinky, sweaty man - let me go!"

She beat on my chest with her fist, struggling to get free of my grasp. I kissed her, silencing her protests momentarily, pulling back just before she decided to bite me and setting her on her feet. She instantly pulled off her damp nightgown and chucked it at my head.

"Yuck! If I didn't need a shower before I do now - jerk!"

I caught it before it could hit me, grinning at her temper and waiting for the punch that normally followed whatever she threw. She didn't disappoint, her fist connected with my shoulder firmly.

"Doll - your back!" I huffed out, my grin sliding from my face when I saw how badly bruised her back was as she stomped over to retrieve her sweater from the chair. It was mottled black and blue from her impact following the explosion, with a couple spots that looked like they were worse than the others. That must have been where she'd blocked the bullets meant for the General.

She shrugged into her long sweater, giving me a look. "It doesn't even really hurt, Steve. I'm sure it looks worse than it is."

"You haven't seen it this morning then, doll. It looks pretty damn bad."

"What the hell happened to you?" Bucky asked, staring at her in horror, looking a little green.

"This was from my mission yesterday; I had a bad day. Nothing more to say about it. I'll be back in a bit," Sarah said as she walked out the bedroom door, shutting the door behind her.

"We're going to just let her go?" Bucky asked, scooting to the edge of the bed and grabbing his boxers to pull them on.

I tamped down the jealousy that suddenly hit me - I didn't need to be jealous of Bucky. I'd meant it when I said I was okay with him being with her as well. This was just a product of my bruised heart because he didn't remember loving me like that yet.

"She said she'll be back," I said as I pulled off my wet shirt. "And her phone's still here."

"What happened to her?" he asked, looking at my body for a moment before his eyes flicked away from me again. "I didn't...do that...to her, did I?"

"No, you didn't. It happened on a mission yesterday. She was thrown from an explosion into a truck - the impact knocked her out for a couple minutes and gave her a concussion. She then shielded a VIP from several sniper rounds not long after that."

I walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, tossing my shirt in the hamper. Bucky followed, leaning against the doorway, still talking to me.

"She doesn't act like she's got a concussion." He crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow at me.

I shook my head and finished stripping, stepping into the shower. "You must not remember everything yet, then. She recovered quickly and probably was over it within an hour of it happening. She's almost as strong and fast as we are, pal." I turned on the water, letting it get hot before switching the shower on.

"What do you mean?" Bucky asked, sticking his head in the shower.

"In or out," I said, looking back at him. "You're going to get water all over the floor if you leave the curtain open like that."

 

* * *

Bucky's POV

"What do you mean?" I repeated after I climbed in and shut the curtain firmly behind me. I watched as Steve rinsed the soap from his blond hair before turning to me.

"We're genetically enhanced super soldiers, Buck – all of us. You, me, Natasha and Sarah." Steve shifted the shower head so I could get wet and handed me the soap. "When's your birthday?"

"I don't know." I wasn't sure how it was that I didn't know something as basic as my own birthday, but I didn't.

"March 10, 1917. Check your dog tags if you don't believe me."

I picked up the piece of metal that I still wore around my neck, never having thought to take it off. Sure enough, it was on there. I was 95 years old and looked like I was in my early twenties. "How is that possible? I don't look 95."

"I don't look 94, do I?" Steve said with a smile. "But I am."

"No," I said as I handed back the soap for him to put away and stepped closer to the water to rinse off, "You don't." He handed me the shampoo and I squeezed a small amount into my hand before scrubbing my hair.

"We'll go somewhere that explains things after breakfast, okay?"

"Okay."

I watched as Steve moved the shower head so I could rinse my hair out. He shook his head and smiled when I looked at him again. "You've still got soap in your hair, Buck. Come closer so I can help you get it all out."

His large hands were gentle when they touched me, tousling my hair under the water as I watched soapy water run down my chest. I guess I really hadn't rinsed well at all if there was that much soap in my hair. I closed my eyes as I felt his warm hands slide down the side of my neck and over my shoulders, his touch so light I got goosebumps.

I exhaled loudly when his hands skimmed past my biceps to my forearms before he abruptly removed them from my body. Steve reached back and adjusted the shower head so the spray wasn't hitting me in the face before he stepped past me to get out.

I didn't understand what I was feeling - I shouldn't want him to touch me like that, but I liked it just as much as when Sarah touched me. My hand on his arm stopped him in his tracks and he shifted to face me.

"Bucky?" His hopeful cobalt eyes met mine.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you, Steve. I know I should, but I just...can't. It's like there's a brick wall in front of a doorway I used to use...and it's keeping me from using it anymore."

"I know, Buck. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have shut you down without knowing what would happen." He looked away from me, defeat in his posture. I waited for him to finish speaking, the need to hear what he had to say a strong urge. "I just couldn't see any other way. I couldn't let you hurt her - especially when you weren't yourself. You'd never hurt Sarah intentionally and we all know that."

"I don't think I knew this would happen, either," I said, somehow recognizing that he was trying to take the blame for something that wasn't his fault.

I swayed as a wave of deja vu hit me and Steve caught me, his hands wrapping around my biceps and steadying me before slowly dropping his hands from my arms. The thing was, I didn't want him to let go of me, not right now. I pulled him into a hug, not caring that we were both naked. I just knew I needed to be the one to initiate physical contact.

Steve reciprocated, his arms going around me and just holding me tight as my breathing became uneven, bits and pieces of memories punching at my mind, trying to make me remember. Steve didn't say anything, just held me tight as more memories of the past couple days slammed into me, leaving me weak from the intensity. We stayed that way for what seemed like a long time with the hot water pouring over us until we heard the creak of floorboards in the living room. Steve lifted his head and searched my face, making my eyes focus on his.

"Are you ready to get out of the shower? Sarah's here already." His eyes became concerned when I didn't respond. Truth was, I didn't want to move, not yet. My stomach chose then to protest the fact I hadn't eaten yet. "You can finish up, Buck. I'm going to get out and get ready so we can go eat, okay?"

I nodded and he let go of me, kissing my cheek before stepping out of the shower. Bemused, I stared after him for a long moment.

 


	28. Just Breathe

December 15, 2012  
Sarah's POV

I woke up to a dull stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. My stomach muscles were contracting involuntarily and the pain was enough to take my breath away. Steve and James were still sleeping on either side of me, so I crept out of bed to stretch. I felt a wave of nausea as I stood and sprinted for the bathroom. I knelt over the toilet as my stomach heaved, retching until my stomach was empty.

I hadn't thrown up in a very long time, not since I had accidentally poisoned myself when I was working on a new project in the lab at Ops. This felt different, though. The nausea seemed to be a reaction to this unfamiliar pain.

I sat back on my heels, my limbs shaking as the pain subsided momentarily. I was exhausted still and just wanted to go back to sleep, but I was also freezing cold, so I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep yet. I decided to run a hot bath; maybe that would help my muscles relax. I still wasn't sure why they'd spasmed like that, but maybe it had to do with my upset stomach.

I stood up carefully and shut the bathroom door before starting the water. I turned it as hot as I could stand it and stripped, adding some scented bubble bath before I climbed in the tub. It felt so nice on my cold body that I laid back and let the water fill to the overflow. I used my foot to turn it off and closed my eyes.

I must have drifted off, because I woke a little later to my abdominal muscles spasming again. This time it was stronger, and I sat up, gasping. The nausea was back and I fought it down, narrowly winning. I broke out in a cold sweat as the pain passed. I ducked down under the water to rinse it away. The water was getting cold, so I let some of it out and added more hot water.

I felt a little better now, but I still didn't know why I was feeling this way. I hadn't done any experiments lately; I'd been too busy to spend time in the lab. I'd sparred with James yesterday, but he hadn't gotten in more than one hit to my torso, and it hadn't been any worse than his other hits. I'd been too slow on the block and his fist had connected, the impact throwing me back. It had hurt, but this pain was nothing like my normal soreness after a good fight.

I gritted my teeth as the pain returned and I swore I felt a strange little 'pop' inside of me. I rode out the spasms, leaning back as they passed and closing my eyes, still tired.

 

*                 *              *

Steve's POV  
I woke up suddenly, reaching for Sarah. I'd heard something odd, like someone was in pain, but Bucky was still sleeping soundly on the other side of the bed. Her pillow was cold, but I hadn't felt her leave the bed. I threw back the covers and got up, looking around. It was just after four in the morning; I could see fine in the dark, but I didn't see her anywhere. Her running shoes were still by the door and I didn't think she'd made plans to run with Kate - besides, her phone was still on the nightstand, so she hadn't left.

I noticed the bathroom door was closed, but there weren't any lights on. I opened the door and looked inside. Sarah was in the tub in the dark. It was unusual enough that the lights were off, but she never took baths in the middle of the night. I flicked on the light and walked into the bathroom. I felt myself break out in a cold sweat as I noticed the bath water was dark red and Sarah wasn't moving. I knelt down next to her and grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her lightly. She was warm, like she should be, so I let out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding.

"Sarah, wake up. Sarah!"

She cracked her eyes open and closed them again. "I'm awake. I feel horrible though," she groaned as a flash of pain moved across her face.

"Sarah, are you okay? Why is the tub full of blood? Where are you hurt?"

I tried to keep my breaths steady as I watched her tense with what had to be pain. She didn't answer me and I watched as she opened her eyes again and looked down at the water, which was indeed very red. She paled even more, but slowly moved for the plug and pulling it before leaning back as the water started to drain, leaving a red line marking where the water had been.

I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed my phone, calling the only person who might be able to help right now. Bruce Banner picked up on the third ring, to my relief.

"Bruce, it's Steve. Sorry to wake you up but I didn't know who else to call."

_What's wrong, Steve? Are you all right?_

"I'm fine, but something's wrong with Sarah. I found her a couple minutes ago sitting in a bathtub full of bloody water. I can't get her to talk to me."

_Has she been harmed?_

"No, I don't think so. She was fine when we went to bed. I don't see any marks on her, but she's tensed like she's in pain." I walked back in the bathroom and knelt by the tub. "Sarah, it's Bruce. Will you talk to him?"

She was leaning forward with her head between her knees, breathing shakily. She looked up finally and held out her hand for the phone, taking it from me and putting it up to her ear.

"Hello?" She said quietly, almost a whisper.

I couldn't hear Bruce's reply, he was too soft spoken for that, so I only heard her half of the conversation.

"Well, he's not wrong. What time is it?"

I glanced at my watch. It was almost 4:30.

"I woke up at around 3 feeling nauseous and had a horrible pain in my lower abdomen. I kept having muscle spasms that went from my lower back all the way around my stomach, tightening my abs."

She paused to listen to Bruce, wrapping her other arm around her knees. Goosebumps were raising on her skin and I sat back on my heels as I heard her next statement.

"Regularly spaced intervals, but closer together now, maybe five minutes apart. Bruce, I know it isn't possible, but I think I'm having a miscarriage."

Miscarriage. In order for her to be having a miscarriage, that meant she was _pregnant_ – with my baby. Tony was going to kill me. I took a deep breath and looked at her carefully, not seeing a bulge to her belly. It was still as flat as it had always been, so she couldn't be very pregnant - only a month or two at the most, maybe. I thought back to try and figure out when this could have happened. It took a while before I realized that there had been one time we _hadn't_ used protection, after the Halloween party in New York. I shook myself out of my thoughts and caught the tail end of the phone conversation.

"Yes. Thanks, Bruce." She held out the phone to me and I took it, as she looked over at me, looking scared. It was an expression that I hated to see on her beautiful face.

"I don't know how this is even possible, Steve. We always use protection and I even had an IUD put in when we first started having sex."

"IUD?" I blinked at her, having no idea what she was telling me.

"It's a little copper 'T' that's inserted into the uterus to prevent pregnancy," she explained. "I thought that it would be smarter to not just rely on condoms. They can be forgotten or fail."

"Oh." I flushed, as I tried to find the words to tell her what she didn't remember. "Umm...most of the time we do use a condom, but remember a couple weeks ago, after that huge Halloween party at Tony's?"

"I... oh shit, you're right. I was so worked up I never even thought of it." Her eyes widened and she leaned her head on her knees. "But still, that's what the IUD is for."

"What did Bruce say? Am I taking you in to the Triskelion?"

"Yes, please. Bruce and Dr Casey are going to meet us there. I'm going to shower before we leave. I'll be out in a bit."

"Okay." I stood up. "I'm going to go get changed and leave a note for Bucky so he doesn't worry." She nodded, and I walked out of the bathroom.

I quickly wrote a note and stuck it to his phone so he wouldn't wonder where we were in the morning. I didn't want to wake him because I knew he wouldn't handle this well. I needed to focus on Sarah right now, and I wouldn't be able to do that if I needed to keep calming him down.

I grabbed some clothes out of the closet and dressed, going in the bathroom to brush my teeth. Sarah was just getting out of the shower and went to go get dressed. It wasn't long before she was ready to go and pulling her jacket on while I waited anxiously.

I grabbed Sarah's car keys as she was putting her shoes on. "Ready? I'll carry you down the stairs." We walked out and I shut the door behind us.

"I'm ready. I can walk, Steve," she protested, but I wasn't going to let her walk down three flights of stairs when she was in pain.

"I'm not asking you, Sarah. Let me do this for you." I kissed her gently, and she nodded.

"All right."

I gently scooped her up in my arms and ran down the stairs. I set her down when we got to the car and opened her door for her. I ran around and got in the driver's seat and started the car. I pulled out of the garage and headed for the Triskelion. I pushed the speed limit, and since traffic was really light this time of day, we made good time. Sarah had two more contractions on the way there, making reality set in – this was really happening.

The security guard waved us through, not even asking for our ID's since he recognized us. I parked and walked around to let her out. She didn't argue as I picked her up again; I felt her tense as another contraction gripped her. I ran to the elevator, trying not to jostle her and we saw Bruce as soon as we got off on the hospital floor.

"This way, Steve." Bruce led me to an isolation room and I laid her down on the bed. Dr Casey came in and Bruce and I stepped outside so Sarah could change into a hospital gown. We stood out in the hallway and I looked over at the older man as I leaned on the wall.

"Thanks, Bruce. I just didn't know what was going on."

"I'm glad you called. I understand that this was a surprise to both of you."

"Yeah, you could say that. She said this shouldn't be possible."

"Ahh. We had talked about options back before you started being intimate, so I'm glad she was being proactive. I've gone over all of the Genesis data – everything I could find – with a fine tooth comb."

"And? What is it Bruce?"

"I don't know for a fact of course, but I have seen how Sarah's body reacts to stitches and staples when she's been injured. You know what happens when you get them, Steve."

I nodded. "My body breaks them down." Given time, it even finished absorbing the last of the shrapnel I took a couple months ago. My last scan showed it was all gone; it took time, though, it wasn't immediate.

"Yes, and since her serum is a lesser version of yours, it takes her longer to break things down than it would you."

"So her body absorbed the metal."

"Yes, unfortunately. It's the only explanation. How far along could she be?"

"I don't know for sure. You've seen her - she doesn't look pregnant."

"So a month, maybe two?"

"My best guess is right before Halloween." I looked at him seriously, worry setting in. "What does this mean for her later on, if she decides she wants children in a few years? We've never talked about the future like that."

"I don't know. I can run a few test on the fetus, but her enhancement is an unknown factor at this point since she's the only female to ever be given the super-soldier serum."

"So do you think a baby would develop on the normal timeline or the Genesis timeline?"

"I'm sorry, Steve. I don't know; I guess we'll find out, though."

The door beside us opened as I spoke and the doctor came out. She looked at us and shut the door behind her. "I'm going to bring in an ultrasound machine, but you can go back in, Captain, Dr Banner. I'll be back shortly."

I reached out a hand and touched the doctor's arm, stopping her from leaving. She looked back up at me. "Is she going to be okay?"

The doctor patted my forearm reassuringly. "Yes, but it's good that you brought her in right away since this is her first pregnancy. If she's as far along as she thinks, then this should be over fairly quickly. For whatever reason, the baby is probably just not developing correctly. Roughly three quarters of miscarriages that happen during the first trimester are due to fetal chromosomal defects, Captain."

I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I was holding and nodded. She gave me a small smile and turned to leave. Bruce squeezed my shoulder and steered me to the door; I opened it and we went back in the room.

 

*           *          *

Sarah's POV

 I used the time alone to get myself under control; I could hear the doctor talking to Steve and Bruce outside the door. The reality of it all had finally set in and the corners of my eyes burned with imminent tears. They were quiet as they came in, Steve sat on the other side of the bed, pulling me into his arms and kissing my forehead. I leaned into him, resting my head on his broad chest and listening to his heartbeat for a long moment before I raised my head again to see his face.

"I'm sorry, Steve. I didn't even know-" a choked noise escaped me.

He smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. "It'll be okay, Sarah. Do you want me to call your parents for you?"

"In a little while, when we know more. Mom and Dad are still on vacation in Colorado; it's only 3 am, so they're probably still sleeping. I'll call them after this is all over and done with."

Another contraction gripped me, and Steve rubbed my back as I waited it out. "I'm sorry Sarah. I'm never going to put you through this again."

"Somehow I think you aren't the first man to ever say that, Steve." I panted as it passed.

Just then Dr Casey came in with the ultrasound machine. Steve moved to stand by Bruce as she pulled the blankets up over me and I moved the gown up so she could squirt the warm gel on my still flat belly. She moved the wand over me and I saw something that I'd never truly expected to see. At 5 weeks, I should only see a very small cluster of cells. Instead, what we saw was about the size of a golf ball. The doctor clicked on the screen a couple times, taking measurements and pictures. I reached for Steve's hand, squeezing it hard; I couldn't tear my eyes from the screen. That tiny little thing was our baby.

"Well, you certainly are pregnant, Sarah, but as you suspected, you're in the process of miscarrying. Your membranes must have ruptured, because there is little to no amniotic fluid left. If I had to estimate based on the fetus' measurements, I would say that you are measuring little over 13 weeks along."

"That fits with the Genesis data, Sarah," said Bruce quietly as I stared at the screen. "Based on that information, the fetus has developed more rapidly than average – maybe twice as fast."

My heart sank, knowing that my odds of having a baby at all was now considerably lower. "I was hoping that wouldn't be the case, Bruce. It took fifty tries to make me possible, after all."

"True, but that's without taking your Stark genetics into consideration. Howard and Tony were both only children, as are you."

"True, I hadn't thought of that; Stark's aren't exactly a prolific bunch. So this isn't just because of Genesis?"

"No, I don't think so. While a large portion of those miscarriages happened in the 4-8 week range, average women miscarry as well."

"You are correct, Dr Banner. 20-30% of women miscarry during that time. Most often, they just think it's an irregular cycle with heavier bleeding. Unfortunately, it looks like you went into labor since the fetus is more developed than anticipated." She put the wand back on the stand.

"Can you tell why?"

She nodded. "It's central nervous system isn't developing, so your body is releasing it. I'm sorry, but it would never have lived."

I looked over at Steve, who was rubbing the bridge of his nose. Another contraction hit, this one stronger than the last one. I rolled on my side and curled up, a whimper escaping my lips. Steve rubbed my back.

"Breathe, Sarah. Nice, deep, breaths. You can do this."

Dr Casey looked over at me, watching until it passed. "That looked a little stronger. I'm going to get my nurse and some supplies and I'll be back in a little bit to see how you're progressing. I would normally give you something for the pain, but I understand you metabolize most drugs too quickly for them to be effective?"

"Short of dangerously high doses, yes." Bruce said quickly. "Dr Blake is aware of this as well and we're not comfortable administering that kind of dosage via epidural."

"Thank you, but I'll be fine," I said to her. "I don't need anything right now."

Dr Casey smiled sympathetically and walked out of the room. Bruce crouched so he was in my line of sight and patted my hand.

"Sarah, I'm going to go call Tony. Do you need anything else right now?"

I shook my head. "No. Thanks, Bruce. He'd want to know, even if he can't do anything. I suppose we're getting a little out of your depth now."

"Just a bit. I've delivered babies in third world countries, but in this case I'd prefer to leave that to Dr Casey. The other guy really doesn't like seeing you in pain, so I'm going to need to leave for a while."

I smiled tiredly. "Sorry for making you uncomfortable, Bruce."

Steve nodded to Bruce, "Thanks for being here for us."

He nodded and walked out of the room. I rolled on my back and looked up at Steve, reaching my hand out to him. "What are you thinking, Steve?"

 "A lot of things. I didn't know what to think when I woke up and you were gone. Then I find you how I did – " he brought my hand up to his face, kissing my palm before laying my hand on his face. His cobalt gaze met mine, worry still in his eyes.

I pulled at him so he would lay next to me, and he did, gathering me in his arms."Sorry, Steve; not how I intended to start the day either. I thought I'd gotten food poisoning or something the way I felt when I woke up. I still can't wrap my head around it." I shook my head, looking up at him. "We were going to have a baby, Steve. We haven't ever talked about this."

"Shh. I know," he said quietly, kissing me. "Today's not the time to talk about it, though."

"I know. I love you, Steve."

He leaned down and gave me a kiss. "I love you more."

I tensed as another contraction came, gritting my teeth and riding it out.

"You'd better go call Nat to check on James – I'm sure he's worried. Nat can bring him in."

"Are you sure?" Steve asked. "I'm concerned that seeing you like this is going to upset him."

"He'll be more upset if someone doesn't tell him what's going on."

Steve pulled out his phone and I could see he had several missed calls and texts. He showed me the screen. "He's awake already. I left him a note, but he's worried. He's tried calling a dozen times already and texted too."

"Call James first so he doesn't do anything stupid and tell him she'll pick him up. I need to get up and walk around for a bit."

"Okay. I'll be out in the hall if you need me." He kissed me again before he stood up and walked out the door, the phone to his ear. I got up and tore off the little strip of pictures, setting them with my clothes in a drawer. My mouth was dry and had a yucky taste to it, so I went to get a drink from the bathroom faucet. I walked over to look out the window, leaning on the ledge as another contraction hit. Steve returned just as it was passing and came up behind me, putting his arms around me.

"How are you doing?"

"They're getting closer together. What's today?"

"The 15th. Saturday."

Just then Dr Casey came back with a nurse and a cart of equipment. "All right, Sarah. If I can have you back on the bed, we'll see how you've progressed so far. Captain Rogers can stay if you want him to." They started getting things set up as I looked up at Steve.

"Steve, will you stay with me?"

"Always, Sarah." He kissed my cheek and helped me get into the bed.

"Besides," I grumbled. "It's half your fault I'm here anyways."

They wrapped fetal heart rate bands around me, having to go around twice to get them to stay put. The nurse hooked me up to the machine's monitor. A piece of paper started slowly moving from the front of the machine, monitoring my contractions. The line for the fetus didn't move, but that was expected;  I was despondent that it'd died before I'd even known it was alive, but there was nothing I could do about that.

"Sarah, can I have you scoot down to the end of the bed?" Dr Casey asked as she pulled stirrups out for my feet. I worked my way down to the end of the bed, Steve staying up by my head. Whatever the doctor was doing was uncomfortable, and I grimaced.

"Well, good news is that you are 70% effaced and dilated to a 6." She patted my leg and I scooted back up. "How are your contractions?"

"Getting stronger. I'm not sure how far apart anymore." I felt another one coming on and closed my eyes, just focused on breathing.

"They're at 3 minutes and lasting 30 seconds." Steve replied as I squeezed his hand, thankful he was here with me.

"All is going well then. That was a hard one. I'll be back in a half hour. Your nurse will be Maddy, here. She'll be in periodically to check on you. She knows how to reach me if you progress faster than that. Any questions?"

I shook my head. "Not really. Can I get up and walk around?"

"After your next contraction, yes. Maddy can unhook you for a while then after that."

"Okay."

A few minutes later I was walking around the room as Steve answered the text messages that kept coming in. Bruce and Tony came in shortly after that.

I gave Tony a tired smile, "Hey Papi. Sorry to wake you up so early."

He folded me into a hug. "Kitten, you didn't wake me. You know you can call me any time of day or night. How are you doing?"

"I don't know, Papi. I don't know." I buried my face in his shoulder as tears threatened again. Tony stroked my hair and back lightly, just holding me.

"It's okay, kitten. It's not your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's your grandpa's for running Genesis. But if he hadn't, I wouldn't have you."

"I suppose." Another contraction came on and I felt Tony hold me tighter as I gasped at the pain. Tony widened his stance to take my weight, letting me lean on him.

"Capsicle, you and I are going to have a little talk about this." Tony's voice was a little hoarse, seeing how much pain I was in.

"No fighting Papi. Not right now." I forced my head up to glare at him, holding his chocolate eyes with my own.

"We're just going to talk, kitten."

"Please, Papi. I mean it!"

"Fine. I won't lay a hand on him," Tony promised.

I snorted, not really believing him. "Or anything else? Including your suit?"

"Kid, you know me too well. Fine, I'll be good. Do you want anything?" He let me go and I smiled at him.

"Just a bottle of cold water."

"Come on, Capsicle," Tony said, glaring at Steve.

Steve came up to me and gave me a kiss. "I'll be right back. I promise not to do anything rash."

"Okay, you I believe. Him, not so much." I waited until they left the room before dialing Jarvis. "J, it's me. Override protocol Delta. Tony is not allowed to call any of his Iron Man suits including all prototypes until I give the all clear."

_Orders confirmed. Secondary expiration?_

"Tomorrow morning, 0800. Thanks, J."

_You're welcome, Sarah._

I hung up and looked at Bruce. "After our conversation about contraceptives a while back, I had Tony create a legit voice profile for me and added in some failsafes."

"Good idea," Bruce said. It was his idea, actually. "Does he know about Delta?"

"He will now. I knew he was lying the whole time; serves him right."

We laughed until the next contraction stole my breath and left me feeling a little wrung out. Bruce massaged my shoulders, chattering about what he was working on right now to take my mind off things.

 

*       *         *

James' POV

I worried about Sarah the whole way to Shield. I'd woken up before dawn, ready to go for our usual morning run, only to find them both gone and a sticky note on my phone. I'd panicked when I found things slightly out of place and a couple drops of what looked like blood on the bathroom floor. There wasn't any signs of a struggle, but I was still concerned that Hydra had taken them.

I started trying to call them, but Sarah's phone went straight to voicemail and so did Steve's. I started texting them, but didn't get any replies. I called Natalia to find out what she knew, only to get a terse response saying that she was on the way to come get me and take me to Steve and Sarah.

My mind went into overdrive, thinking of everything that could have happened to them. I was dressed and waiting in the living room when Natalia and Clint got there. I was so relieved to see Natalia that I kissed her, holding her tight for a moment until Clint came in, took one look at me and threw his knives at me; not to kill, but to injure.

"What the hell, Barton! What's wrong with you?" Confused, I lashed out at him, pulling a gun from a hidden holster only to have Natalia knock me hard upside the head.

"Not again, James. If you shoot him, I'll shoot you." Natalia said, holding guns pointed at both of us. "Clint, one more projectile and I'll shoot you, too. We don't have time for this right now."

Fortunately, I have good reflexes, because Clint threw another knife that I caught and whipped back at him after dodging the bullet aimed at me.

"Clint, you have to at least tell him why you're mad at him, but not here. Tell him on the way."

We passed the drive mostly in silence, Clint refusing to talk to me, Natalia giving me a very basic explanation: Sarah was having a miscarriage, so we were going to be there for emotional support, whatever that meant. She didn't elaborate, so I googled 'miscarriage' and 'emotional support' on the way to Shield. What I read didn't really reassure me.

I handed my badge to the guard and then followed them to where Sarah and Steve were. Bruce looked glad to see us when we arrived at the hospital room. Sarah was sitting on the bed, hunched over in pain. She didn't even know we were there until I knelt before her and took her hands in mine, kissing them lightly.

"Hey Sarah. I thought we were all done with the hospital stuff?" I teased.

"Broke my streak," Sarah said, flashing a grin at me. "Had a record going, too."

"I'm sorry about the baby; Natalia explained." I squeezed her hands, finding it hard not to feel guilty when I saw the sorrow in her beautiful golden brown eyes.

"Did you have any problems getting here?" she asked, having noticed that things were strained among us already.

I gave her the crooked little smile I knew she liked. "Only with Barton. Natalia said I'm not to kill him."

She shook her head, slightly, frowning at me. "I say you can't kill him either. I thought you were friends?"

"Tell him to be good. He started it." I said as she glared at me and I pointed at Clint, who was standing over kind of by Bruce, his back to Natalia, pointedly ignoring her. He was so angry, I could feel it exuding from him. Sarah's eyes widened and she looked back at me.

"What did you do, James?"

"I don't know! One minute I'm greeting Natalia and the next she's stopping me from killing him after he attacked me."

She looked up at the redhead. "Nat, what happened now?"

"Well, Clint blames James for this," she gestured to Sarah, "so they had to have it out before we could come here."

Her intonation was slightly off, catching my attention. Clint blamed me for what exactly I wondered as I looked at Sarah. Two things dawned on me 1) in order to get pregnant, you have to have sex – which we had – and 2) a miscarriage can be caused by trauma. We'd been sparring yesterday and I'd hit her hard in the abdomen, knocking her off her feet. I thought about that as I listened to their conversation.

"How'd you get them to quit?" Sarah asked, looking concerned.

Natalia smiled chillingly. "I threatened to shoot them both if they didn't knock it off."

"There was no threatening about it, was there?" Sarah asked Clint, who was looking at her.

He shook his head. "Nope, you know as well as I do that she doesn't bluff," said Clint, glaring at me. "We just dodge well. She didn't have her heart in the shots, though."

"Probably for the best if it was her pistols or you'd be visiting Dr Blake and explaining that to Fury." Sarah said before she hunched over in pain as the next wave hit her, squeezing my hands. Natalia stood beside her and rubbed her back.

"Breathe, Sarah. Just breathe. Just another contraction."

That last part was meant for me, and I suddenly understood that she was _in labor -_  and this wasn't over yet.  I rubbed her fingers as we waited for what seemed like forever for it to pass. I didn't want to know how bad that pain was if it was affecting her like this. She let go of my hands and I stood up.

"I'm tired of breathing. It hurts," she whimpered as she leaned into my side, hiding her face in my shirt.

"Sorry, doll. Breathing is kind of important; I like to see you breathing, so keep doing it, okay?"

"Okay," she grumbled. I ran my hands over her hair and down her arms lightly to comfort her until she sat up again. I ran my cybernetic fingers over her cheek, cupping her face as I leaned down to kiss her forehead. She gave me a smile and patted my arm, telling me it was okay to let her go. I walked over by Bruce to give Clint his turn to talk to her.

 

*        *        *

Sarah's POV

"Thank god I'm not a woman," said Clint as he walked over to me, earning a hard slug on the arm from Nat before she walked back over to Bruce and James. "What was that for? If she's hurting that bad, I'd be dead from the pain. I've seen her get shot and break bones and _still_ not make a peep."

I stood up to give Clint a hug. He kissed my cheek and I laid my head on his chest, letting him wrap his arms around me, rubbing his back to try and get him to relax. His body language was telegraphing his anger; while it wasn't directed at me, I could tell it was making Bruce uneasy.

"It's a different kind of pain than being shot or breaking a bone, Clint. That kind of pain I can take. This, I don't know what to expect. It comes and goes and I have no control over it. I'd rather let them dig bullets out of me than feel this."

"I don't like seeing you hurt like this, 'Ria." He rubbed my back for me and I sighed. "It makes me want to go fight something if it means your pain ends."

"I know. Nothing you can do about it, though." I tensed as the next one hit me, fisting my hands in Clint's shirt as the sudden force of it made my knees buckle.

He held me up and murmured in my ear quietly. "Breathe for me, honey. Just breathe," he begged and I forced myself to take a breath. "It'll pass soon. I could beat Cap for doing this to you, you know.  It's his fault you're here right now."

I gasped for breath as it finally passed. I loosened my grip on Clint and let him hold me for a while longer. "It's not like we planned this, Clint. I think today is going to be punishment enough for both of us."

"Are you sure I can't beat on him – not even a little? It would make me feel better."

"No, you know you can't beat him, even on an off day. Besides, I think I need him today." I said putting my arms around him loosely.

"All right, I'll leave him be – for now."  Clint muttered unconvincingly.

"Are you okay? You don't sound like you right now." I whispered to him, hugging him tightly.

"Don't you go worrying about me right now, 'Ria. You've got enough on your plate."

"I'm allowed to worry about you; it's in my contract." I felt him huff out a laugh. "But we'll talk later – can you make sure Tony and Steve aren't fighting in the hallway? They've been gone a while now and these things are coming faster." Another one hit and I fisted my hands in his shirt again, concentrating on breathing again while he held me up.

"I see that. I'll go find them." He kissed my forehead and turned to leave. Natasha came over I pulled her into a hug, her worry a palpable thing.

"What a day, huh?" She said, trying for her normal dry tones and failing.

"Yup. Clint's really pissed at you, Nat." I drew back so I could read her expressions. I was picking up guilt, maybe resignation. It was a strange mix for her, making me frown slightly.

"Yeah, I know. I kind of deserve it."

"Did you really shoot at them?"

"Steve has a couple holes in his wall now. It was the only way I could get them to stop being idiots."

"If there's more to this – and I think there is – I gotta hear it, just not right now." I sat down as another one came on, breathing hard. "Bruce, what time is Dr Casey coming back?"

"In ten minutes."

"Okay. Thanks."

"How are you doing, Sarah?" Natasha asked.

"Dealing," I said with a sigh. "Ultrasound showed there's definitely a baby in there. No heartbeat, though."

"How many weeks?"

"Dr Casey said it measured for 13 weeks, but the only time Steve and I didn't use protection was like five weeks ago, after the Halloween party."

"So not Kiev, then."

"No. I already eliminated that; I took a test a couple weeks after we got back and it was negative."

"Had to ask, sorry. How'd Steve take the news?"

"I don't really know; Tony pulled him away not long after we got here. Right now, he's more worried about me being in pain, so I don't know if he's really thought it through."

"You would've been a great mom, Sarah, and Steve needs the ties to keep him grounded. He was pretty reckless before you came along, jumping out of planes without parachutes, that kind of thing."

"Hold that thought," I groaned as the next wave of pain hit me. I panted, feeling like I couldn't catch my breath. I took a couple deep breaths as it faded and turned back to her.

"I heard you bribed the Strike teams to tattle on him," Natasha smirked.

"He's not invincible," I muttered as a laugh escaped her.

Just then my nurse came back in. "Can I get you to get back in the bed, Sarah? I need to hook you up again so we can see where your contractions are at. Dr Casey will be coming by shortly." Natasha stood up and went over to the window by Bruce and James.

"Okay."

I scooted back onto the bed and let her cover me up. She hooked up the sensors and stood back just in time for another contraction. They were starting to build in intensity and not leveling off quite as soon as before. Maddy slipped an oxygen sensor on my finger and watched my numbers for a bit before putting an oxygen mask on me.

"Looks like they're stronger than before. That's good, means you're getting closer to being done." She busied herself with getting things ready for the doctor, keeping an eye on me for a bit.

I relaxed as the pain faded, laying back and closing my eyes. I felt a cool hand on my face and opened them to see James standing there with a worried expression. "Sarah, we're going to have to go wait outside. Bruce says we shouldn't stay much longer anyway."

"He's right. You aren't going to want to see this – and I don't want you to – it's not going to be pretty. If you want, Nat can take you home."

He shook his head quickly, visibly agitated. "I'm not leaving here without knowing you're okay, Sarah, but I can't see you in pain like this. It's messing with my mind in a bad way."

"I'll see you when it's all over, okay?"

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "In case you didn't know, I love you, Sarah."

"I do know, James. I love you too, but you already knew that." He nodded and gave me my favorite crooked smile before going back over to Bruce to leave the room. I looked up at Natasha, who shook her head, coming over next to me as Steve came back in the door, looking a little ruffled. I guess they didn't have just words after all.

"Sorry, doll. Are you okay? I didn't think we'd been gone all that long yet." Steve said, kissing me lightly.

"I'm staying with you for now," Natasha said firmly. "If you pass out and Steve loses it, I'm the only other person who can knock him out."

I smiled at her logic and gave her a thumbs up as the next one hit. I felt something strange inside me and then I was sitting in a puddle of warmth. I moved the covers and looked down. I was sitting in a puddle of blood. _This_ _probably_ _isn't_ _good_ , I thought calmly. I tapped Nat and showed her. Her eyes went wide and she was moving even as she was still speaking.

"Nurse, get over here! I'm getting the doctor – this isn't normal!" Natasha yelled, running for the hallway.

Everything got a little fuzzy and started to go dark. The last thing I saw was the blue of Steve's eyes looking down at me. His lips were moving soundlessly but I couldn't focus enough to read them.


	29. Aftermath

Steve's POV

I sat by Sarah's side for a long time, just holding her small hand and waiting for her to wake up. I thanked God she was still alive because I didn't know what I would do without her. Finally her eyes fluttered open and she tried to sit up. I held her down by her shoulders until she focused on me, eyes wide with befuddlement.

"Steve? What...happened?"

She reached for me and I let go of her shoulders to take her hand. She realized she was still wearing the oxygen mask and went to pull it off, but I wasn't going to let her do that. I took her other hand in mine and smiled slightly.

"Leave it on, Sarah. You need it right now. The placenta detached wrong and you started hemorrhaging." I kissed her hands and held them between both of mine. They were still cooler than I liked. "I never knew something like that could happen as fast as it did. One moment you were sitting up and smiling. The next - you weren't breathing as your blood puddled on the floor by the bed."

I held her golden brown eyes with mine and let her see the fear in them. Since the first time she'd joined the team on missions, I'd feared something would happen to her, but I'd never thought I'd almost lose her in the middle of a hospital. I took a shaky breath before continuing.

"Good thing the doctor was already on her way to your room with Dr Blake – a couple of minutes longer and you wouldn't be here."

"Sorry for scaring you. It seems to be my day to do that." She rubbed her thumbs over my knuckles and I squeezed her fingers lightly.

"I'm just so glad you're okay and we had you _here_. Dr Casey said that a lot of women who miscarry just stay home until it's over with."

She smiled at me knowingly. "You wouldn't have let me even if I'd wanted to."

"Damn straight." I wasn't ever going to take any chances with her health or life. She gave me a look and I shrugged. "I think I'm entitled to cuss today." I grinned when she rolled her eyes at me. "I'm going to go get the doctors; they wanted to know when you woke up."

"Okay." She closed her eyes again, still exhausted from earlier, as I left the room.

 

*                *              *

Sarah's POV

I wanted that yucky, coppery taste out of my mouth, I determined as I started taking stock of my body. I hurt all over, but that was from the contractions. I must have delivered because I felt relaxed again, more like myself. Steve and the doctor came in right then and I looked up at them.

"How are you feeling, Sarah?" Dr Casey asked, looking at my screens.

"Tired, really sore – like I lost a boxing match with Tony's Iron Man suit."

"Perfectly normal under the circumstances. You gave us a bit of a scare there. I've never seen anyone hemorrhage so badly during a miscarriage before in all my years of practice."

"Wasn't my plan. Did the bleeding stop?"

"Yes, finally. You need to stay laying down for the next couple hours. No unnecessary movements."

"Can I ... Can I see the baby?"

"Yes. I know you need to have your closure; I'll have him brought in to you. You had a little boy, by the way."

"Thank you, Dr Casey. For everything."

"You're welcome, Captain, Agent. I'm sorry for your loss, but I wish you luck next time."

Steve squeezed my hand as the doctor left. "There won't be a next time, Sarah. I won't risk losing you again." He kissed my forehead.

"I have no plans to try again in the near future, Steve. I think I need to forget about how much fun this was first and that'll be a long time from now." I pulled off the oxygen mask so it would be easier to talk to him and he allowed it this time.

"What do you want to do with it...him?" he asked, sitting on the bed next me.

"He's getting a proper burial. I won't have him dissected for science." I could see that the thought of an autopsy hadn't occurred to him.

He nodded. "That's fine with me. What do you want to name him?"

"Evan Stark Rogers."

He smiled gently. "Our last names. I like it." He leaned over and kissed me softly.

"What time was he born?"

"7:12. When did you start having contractions?"

"Just after 3. Seems like it's later than that. What time is it?"

"It's after 11, Sarah. You were out for a couple hours. I was afraid you weren't going to wake up."

I heard the door open, but I couldn't see who was there. Tony came over with a tiny blue bundle in his hands, eyes shiny.

"Hey kitten. The doctor said you wanted to see him."

"Yeah Papi, I do. I need to know he's real. We named him."

"What did you pick?" Tony asked as he held out the bundle out to Steve, who took it gingerly from him and unwrapped it, holding the blanket so I could see Evan's tiny little body. He wasn't much bigger than a chicken egg and looked tiny in Steve's large hands.

"Evan Stark Rogers."

"That's a nice name, kitten. Do you want me to have some arrangement made for him?" Tears glistened on Tony's cheeks and I held out my hand to him. He walked around the bed and took my hand. I pulled him down for a hug, and he kissed my cheek, his goatee tickling me as always. After a long moment, I let him go and he stood next to me, stroking my hair.

"Yes, Papi. We'd like him to have a proper burial, if you don't mind. Whatever it is they do for babies this small." Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes and I blinked rapidly, fighting them. My chest hurt horribly, and it wasn't just from holding back tears. It felt like I had broken ribs, actually.

"I don't mind. Do you want him in the family plot?"

"That would be nice." Tears started silently rolling down my face and Steve set the baby down next to me so he could take my other hand.

Tony leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I'm so sorry for you, kitten. I love you."

"Love you too, Papi."

He let go of my hand and left, letting us have a little time alone together with our tiny angel baby. Steve sat down again, laying his arm across me gently. There were tears in his eyes, too, but he wiped them away before they could fall. When my tears finally stopped, a nurse was waiting to take the baby, so I kissed my finger and touched it to his tiny head.

"Goodbye Evan. Say hi to your great grandparents for me."

Steve picked up the bundle and handed him to the nurse, who covered him up and took him away. Steve came back over to me and kissed me. "I'll be back a little later, Sarah. The others are all waiting to see you and we're not supposed to stay too long or tire you out."

I nodded, unable to find my voice. Steve walked out of the room and Natasha came in. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it.

"How are you holding up? I thought I was going to have to tranq James if he wouldn't calm down. You need to quit trying to die on him. He's turning into a nervous wreck."

"Who said I was trying? Pretty sure I didn't have any control over this one," I snarked.

"You never have control when you're in the hospital. Haven't you learned that by now?"

I laughed briefly before the pain in my chest stopped me. "What happened after you left? The doctor told me the technical stuff. What did Steve do?"

"Kept you breathing. You seemed to think you didn't need to do that anymore," her expression turned a little - sheepish? "I _might_ have cracked a rib or two when I restarted your heart."

"Shit. What the hell, Nat?" No wonder my ribs felt like they did. I wanted to peek under my gown to see if they looked as bad as they felt, but then Natasha would feel worse about it. "I flatlined?"

"When you went into shock from the bleeding."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Scared the hell out of us. Come in for normal random medical stuff and you try dying. I might have told you that you didn't have my permission to die today."

"I get to join the need Nat's 'permission to die' club?" I said with a small laugh. "Didn't know I meant that much to you."

"Let's not make trying to die a habit, okay?" She smiled, taking the sting from her words.

"Wasn't trying to – sorry Nat. I'm alive and everything hurts; guess I have to stay overnight?"

"At least. See you later, Sarah. I need to let James in before he loses it again."

My eyes widened, guessing how he had reacted. "You didn't tell him I died, did you?"

"After the fact - when you were breathing and had a heartbeat again. I'm not stupid!" She scoffed. "I had to tell him - he saw everyone rushing to your room for the code."

"Thanks again, Nat. You're a good friend."

"Not really, but I've gotten kind of fond of you, you know. No more scaring me."

"I won't try to scare you on purpose. I don't plan these kinds of things." I must have sounded a little short of breath, because the next thing I knew I had that damn mask back on.

"Be good." Natasha slapped my hand away from the mask and went back out the door.

 

*        *          *

James' POV

I saw Natalia leave the room and ducked in, unable to wait any longer to see Sarah. I walked quickly over to her side, feeling guilty about how still she was on the large hospital bed, panicking until I saw her move. My eyes roamed over her, taking in everything.

"Hey Sarah. I heard you tried leaving me today." I brushed her cheek with my metal fingers.

She pulled the oxygen mask off. "Not on purpose. Heard you went a little crazy and almost got tranq'd." She smiled up at me like she was happy to see me.

"Thought I lost you again." I leaned down and kissed her gently as I whispered fervently, "I love you, Sarah. Don't ever do that again." Her lips moved under mine, soothing us both. I needed to feel her breathing, feel her warm skin under my lips. I finally pulled away as I heard her struggle to catch her breath.

I put the mask back on her face, earning a glared from her. "I hate these things."

"Then don't quit breathing and you won't have to wear them." I brushed my hand over her hair, her golden brown eyes holding mine. "I have to know, Sarah. Was the baby mine?"

I could tell she hadn't expected me to ask that question, but she shook her head slightly.

"No, at least I don't think so. I took a pregnancy test after Kiev and it was negative."

Some of the tension drained out of me and her eyes met mine. I knew she was telling the truth about that, but there was more to it than that one time. "Kiev wasn't the only time I could've impregnated you, Sarah. What about when I first came to DC? We didn't use protection right away."

"I don't know, James," she finally said, her eyes anguished. "I guess it's possible."

"I'm sorry if this was my fault, if I hurt you by not being smart about things."

"Let's not play the blame game, all right? It happened, it doesn't matter whose fault it is."   

I nodded, kissing her forehead lightly. "Tell me the truth – did I kill the baby when we sparred yesterday? I hit you hard, Sarah. Right here." I placed my hand lightly on her belly and she moved it up higher, right under her ribs.

"No. You hit here, James. You never would've hit the baby, not that you or I knew it was there."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I have the bruise to prove it."

I winced at the reminder that I had caused her pain yet again. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I did it again, didn't I?"

She rolled her eyes at me, making me smile. "It was a good fight. Pretty sure I left a couple marks on you, too."

"You did." I raised my shirt so she could see the couple of bruises she'd left on my stomach. "I deserve them for all the times I've marked you."

"Sorry James. Sometimes I don't know my own strength."

I grinned. "I forgive you." She raised her hand and stroked my face lightly; I leaned into the contact and kissed her palm. "Can you forgive me?"

"I don't need to; I never blamed you for this."   

I looked over to see a face in the window and turned back to her briefly. "My time's up for now. I'll see you later when they let me back in."

"Okay." She let go of my hand and even though I didn't want to, I walked away from her.

 

*    *   *

Sarah's POV

Clint came in next, and I smiled as he took my hand in his, fear foremost on his face.

"Hey Clint. Come to spring me?"

"Nope. You earned yourself an extended stay with that little stunt you pulled today. Heard Nat didn't give you permission to die yet." He gave me his usual smirk and raised his eyebrows.

I laughed even though it hurt my ribs. "I come in for some routine woman problem and get thrown into the clink. I've got some rotten luck going on."

"I'm glad you're okay, though. I can't imagine things around here without you. We may be a team in name, but you're the glue that holds us together."

"Don't go getting all sentimental on me, Barton. I need you to take care of Nat for me. I scared her good today."

"You scared us all." He leaned down and kissed my forehead, his voice firm. "Don't _ever_ do that again, 'Ria. We came too close to losing you today."

"I won't try to. Can I ask you a question, Clint?" I stroked the side of his face and he closed his eyes, savoring the touch.

"Shoot."

I smiled at his favorite phrase. "Why do you still call me that sometimes, Clint? You don't do it all the time."

He let out a deep breath, and his piercing blue eyes held mine. "Because I care for 'Ria; she's a part of you – the softer part. She's the part that likes to give us all hugs and make us interact like normal human beings."

"I do make you do that," I admitted.

He smiled and brushed his fingers over my cheek. "Truth is, 'Ria is Ronin's, and I've been Ronin for so long that I'm not sure where he ends and Clint begins." I put my hand over his and pulled him down to me for a hug. He whispered in my ear. "It was nice to have someone care for me as much as 'Ria did."

He leaned back as I pulled off the mask again and looked him in the eye, seeing what he was really trying to say. "Ronin, I'll always care for you. You know that, right?"

"I know. Love you, 'Ria."

"Love you too, Ronin."

Tears welled at the corners of my eyes and he kissed my cheek before I moved slightly so he was gently kissing me, his lips soft on my own. After a long moment, he broke the kiss and rubbed his cheek against mine.

"Thank you...for not leaving us...for not leaving me. I don't want to go back to how my life was before you came along. Maybe if you get me drunk enough, I'll tell you about it sometime." He gave me one last kiss before leaving and I smiled at him. "I'm out of time for now; the others are waiting."

 

*            *            *

Sarah's POV

Bruce was the last one to come in. He frowned at me and put my mask back on. "Keep that on for now. Your sat numbers are still pretty low."

"I hate this thing." I whined, making the corners of his mouth turn up slightly.

"Too bad, you still need it. Natasha cracked a few of your ribs when she restarted your heart today. Makes breathing a little harder, I hear."

"Yeah, it does," I agreed.  "How long do I have to stay here?"

"Til tomorrow. Dr Blake and I will be in tomorrow morning to check you over. We gave you four pints of blood; don't count on healing as fast as normal because you definitely lost too much of your own blood this time around."

"I'm such a problem patient, Bruce. Thanks for being here for me." I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. "If you hadn't told me to come in I probably would've just stayed home, maybe got a checkup later."

"I'm glad you came in because otherwise you wouldn't be here. I wasn't sure what to expect, frankly; the Genesis research wasn't promising. I'm still sorry you lost the baby; even if you didn't know about it until today, it's not a loss to be taken lightly."

"I know." Tears rolled down my face again.

Bruce brushed my hair back from my face. "It's okay to cry, Sarah. You need time to grieve – more than you probably realize."

"But I can't breathe if I cry, Bruce." I wiped the tears away, blinking rapidly. "When can I get up?"

"You can sit up in a couple hours, if Dr Blake says it's okay. He'll be in shortly to see you."

"All right. I'll be a good kid."

"Excellent. Because if you were planning on being difficult I have a waiting room full of people that would come yell at you."

"Ooooh, you play dirty, Bruce! Didn't expect that from you – and I noticed, believe it or not. I spent a lot of time today apologizing for something entirely out of my control."

"I'm sure you did. You know, I never thought I'd enjoy being a part of this team until I met you, Sarah. You've changed things for the better, whether you know it or not."

"I think I'm starting to see that; I don't know why, though. I'm just a relatively normal enhanced person."

"Because you are a beautiful person inside and out and you genuinely care for others. You are one of the few people I am completely comfortable around. You've met the Hulk and he doesn't scare you."

"He's just another side of you, you know. If people wouldn't attack him, he wouldn't attack them. He never starts the fights."

"I know. That doesn't mean I have to like it."

I smiled gently and patted his hand. "Never said you had to. Thanks Bruce. Love you." He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Love you, too, Sarah. See you later."   

He walked out and I closed my eyes, tired after all the emotional conversations I'd had today. I must have drifted off, because Steve was talking quietly to Dr Blake when I woke up. I was still wearing the oxygen mask, so I pulled it off. The motion brought both of them over to me.

"Hey. You were already asleep when I came back in." Steve took my hand in his.

"Sorry," I smiled at him. "I didn't know I was having so many heart to hearts today. Kinda wore myself out." I looked over at Dr Blake, who had finished assessing my screens. "Hey Doc. I guess it was my turn to cause problems today."

"So I heard, Agent Evans. You were back among the living again by the time I got there, at least."

"Feels like I'm living. Is everything supposed to hurt this much?"

"Not really, but I'm sure it seems like it right now. We can start easing you upright if you want to try that. A little bit each hour until you're where you want to be."

"Yes, please. I feel like I'm missing out laying like this."

"All right. If you're ready, I'll raise you up a bit." He operated the bed controls so I was semi reclined. "You can also have something to eat if you feel like it will stay down. Captain Rogers said you were quite nauseous earlier today."

"I was while I was having contractions. I feel more like myself now."

"I'm glad to hear that. You look much better than when I first saw you today."

"I can only imagine. What're my chances of getting to shower today?"

"We'll see how you do with sitting up first. Possibly before bed if you keep improving."

"Yay! How long do I have to stay here?"

"We'll see how you are doing tomorrow and go from there. I'm hesitant to send you home too early in case there should be further complications." Dr Blake smiled kindly before he walked out the door, leaving us to our own devices.

Steve leaned down to kiss me. "Be good or I'm calling Nat."

"I am being good – I'm staying put and everything." My stomach growled loudly. "Do you think you can order me something to eat, though? I haven't eaten since last night."

"Sure, doll. Anything in particular?"

"No, just real food, not mush."

I heard a knock at the door and looked over to see Tony and Pepper standing there. I waved at them and they came in, heading straight for me.

"Papi! Pepper!" I hugged Pepper first, seeing how worried she was. Steve gave her a hug too.

Tony gave me a hug and kissed my forehead as he brushed my hair back from my face and smiled. "It's good to see you awake. You were sleeping when I came back earlier, so I went to go get Pepper."

"I was more tired than I thought, but I'm glad you brought Pepper with you this time."

"So what is Delta? Jarvis told me he couldn't override it."

"A failsafe; I developed it in case your armor was ever hacked. Also, so you couldn't kill my boyfriend."

"Still open for debate there. He did get you pregnant, which led to you being in pain. Good reason to make him hurt a bit."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Papi, I love him. If you want me to disable Delta you better behave."

"I'll be good. I know you love him, kitten. I think he loves you just as much."

I smiled up at Steve. "I know he does. Steve, will you give me my phone, please?"

Steve handed it to me with a bemused smile and I dialed Jarvis. "J, it's me. Cancel override protocol Delta effective immediately."

_Of course, Sarah. May I express my gratitude that you are still among us?_

"Thanks, J. I wasn't trying to leave, you know."

_I know. Mr Stark was most upset about the incident. My condolences on the premature loss of your child._

"Thanks, J. Keep an eye on Tony for me, okay?"

_I always do, Sarah._

"Bye." I hung up and set the phone down next to me. I looked over at Tony. "You're all good to go. It would have expired at 8am tomorrow anyway."

"Smart girl. You take after me, you know."

"Of course I do. Did you get your need to fight with Steve out of your system finally?"

"Capsicle and I are good. I'll admit it was a little bit of a surprise when Jarvis told me I couldn't have my armor."

"You said you were just going to talk, Tony. Did you lie to me – your daughter?"

"I had my fingers crossed," Tony said with a smirk as I glared at him.

"Who's the parent here, you or me? Seriously!"

Pepper smacked Tony on the arm. "Anthony Edward Stark! Quit being an ass to your daughter; you're upsetting her."

 

*         *         *

James' POV

I stood in the doorway for a long moment, taking in the scene before walking in. I knocked on the door frame and Sarah looked over and smiled, gesturing for me to come in. I stood there for a moment longer, uncertain if I should go in, but needing to be close to her.

I looked around the room once more before finally taking those last couple steps. This place made me uneasy, and I wasn't sure if it was the faint smell of blood mingled with antiseptic or because Sarah was in a hospital bed after almost dying.

Steve pulled me into a tight hug and I held onto him for dear life. I was afraid to touch Sarah right now; I wasn't really in control of myself. Steve was the only thing keeping me from falling apart, the reality of what had happened earlier was just now sinking in.

"She tried to leave us, Stevie," I whispered, my hand fisted in his light shirt.

"No, it was an accident, Bucky. Things just kept going wrong and I got scared too, but the doctors fixed her up good."

"She's gonna be okay, right?"

"Yeah, she's going to be just fine. Are you okay?" I nodded and closed my eyes, relaxing as I listened to Steve's reasonable statements. I knew Steve wouldn't lie to me, not about this. "Come over and talk to Sarah, Buck." I nodded and finally let go of him.

I walked around the bed and leaned over to give her a soft kiss, grinning as I took her small hand in mine, letting my cybernetic fingers caress her. Her hand was cooler than normal and I covered it with my other hand to warm it, rubbing it between them.

"Natalia said I could stay here with you both tonight, if that's okay with you?"

Sarah looked over at Steve, who was currently ignoring us and putting in a food order, and nodded. "Of course you can stay here, James. I don't want you home by yourself; Steve's staying here tonight, too." Sarah sounded a little strange and I looked at her with alarm. She looked pale, which usually wasn't a good thing.

"Doll, what's wrong?" I asked, my tone bringing Steve back over to us, having finished the order. He took the chair next to Sarah and ran his fingers down her arm, concerned again.

"Your tray will be up shortly. Are you cold? You have goosebumps."

"Good; I'm starving." She laid her head back suddenly, like it was too heavy to hold up. "I'm really cold, Steve. Is there another blanket in here?"

She sounded a little breathless, so I put the hated oxygen mask on her again. She didn't complain, though, which worried me. Pepper went to look in the closet and brought over a couple blankets, spreading them over her. Tony stepped out of my line of sight and then Dr Blake was there again, a nurse with him. He looked at the bank of screens over her head as he came over to her.

"Sarah, are you feeling okay? Mr Stark said you got cold and a little breathless."

She nodded. "I feel a little lightheaded."

"Have you eaten yet?"

"No, I just ordered a little while ago." Shivers ran over her and I saw her wince in pain. I took a couple steps back, my fists clenched at my side as I knew there was nothing I could do to help her.

"Jackie, get her some orange juice and crackers right away," the doctor said as he turned back to her. "Your blood sugar is probably a little low right now since I know how high of a metabolism you have." He checked her pulse and listened to her chest with his stethoscope before lightly probing her abdomen and ribs.

"Does this hurt, Agent Evans?"

"No more than before. Oh, I lied. Right there." She closed her eyes again as a flash of pain crossed her face. The doctor laid his hands on her belly, manipulating it for a bit before taking his hands off her.

"Your uterus is trying to shrink itself to get back to normal right now. It might feel like cramps, but they should pass quickly. If you'd like, I can give you something for the pain but it will make you sleepy."

"I'll take it," Sarah said quietly. "I could use the sleep anyways."

"I'll get the orders put in for you," the doctor said, leaving the room. He wouldn't be leaving if she needed him; he seemed like a good doctor and she talked to him like a trusted friend.

 

* * *

Sarah's POV

The nurse came back in with a Styrofoam cup of juice and a couple packs of graham crackers. She raised my bed slightly and took off my mask so I could drink from the straw, waiting until I drank most of it before handing the cup to James. She opened the crackers and handed them to me and I nibbled on them, hoping that my stomach wasn't going to rebel on me. The juice had been very sweet and my stomach was empty. I finished the crackers and put my arm back under the covers.

"Better?" the nurse asked, watching me closely. She had me finish the rest of the juice and left the rest of the crackers on the little rolling table beside me.

I nodded. "I don't feel light headed any more. Thanks."

"You're welcome, honey. I'm Jackie," the nurse said. "You go ahead and call me if you need anything; I'm with you all night tonight. I'm going to get you some pain medicine. You've had kind of a rough day today, from what I hear."

Tony came back over to my side after Jackie left. "We're going to go, kitten. Sounds like it's supper and bed for you right now anyways. We'll be back later tomorrow."

"Sure, Papi. I'll be here." I sighed; I hated sleeping in hospital beds.

"You better be. Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye Pep."

"Goodnight, Sarah. Sleep well."

My nurse came back in with a syringe in her hands. She screwed it onto the IV port on the liter of fluid that was running into my arm and slowly pushed the drug until the syringe was empty. Must have been morphine, because I felt heavier. I heard something at the door and saw Steve go to whoever was there. It was my supper because he had a tray in his hands. He set it on the little rolling table and positioned it for me as Jackie checked my pump and screens, throwing away the empty syringe.

"All right honey, we'll see if that helps. That's the biggest dose of morphine I've ever given anyone. Dr Blake said you metabolize medicine very quickly."

"I do. I can feel it working already, but this will be out of my system in less than an hour."

"He said that if you wanted more later to help you sleep that would be okay too."

"I might take you up on that. We'll see how I feel. I'd still like to take a shower tonight before I go to sleep."

"Okay. I'm not sure about the shower; I'll have to ask the doctor if he wants you up and moving around yet. You eat what you can and I'll check back in a little later."

I nodded, turning my attention to my food while Steve talked to James quietly. It was chicken and veggie lasagna, my favorite. I focused on taking little bites and chewing well so I didn't eat too fast. I set my fork down after a couple bites and took a drink of water.


	30. Good Morning

Sarah's POV

I woke up snuggled between two large, warm, frames. At some time last night, James had joined us in the bed, one arm thrown across me and Steve. I looked around and saw Natasha taking pictures of us with a grin on her face.

"Put your head back down and close your eyes," she ordered. "You moved too quickly for me to get a good picture."

I rolled my eyes at her but did as she said. I waited a bit before opening my eyes again. "Hi. Come to check in on us?"

"Yup. How are you feeling today? You look a lot better."

I did a quick inventory of myself. My soreness was almost gone and my ribs felt a lot better. "I certainly feel a lot better. I think I've had enough excitement for a while. What time is it?"

"6:25."

"So is everything okay with you and Clint? What didn't you tell me yesterday?"

She hesitated before answering."I don't know. He's said he understands how... unstable... James' memory is – especially since his reset a couple weeks ago – but Clint was just far enough behind me when we got to your place that by the time he walked in, James was already kissing me."

"I take it that it wasn't a peck on the cheek, then?"

"It wasn't anything more than what I normally get from him when he hasn't seen me in a while."

I blinked, processing that; there was no way to not take it wrong if you didn't know the circumstances. "Oh – that kind of kiss. I can see why Clint would be upset about it."

"We talked for a while after we got back to our place last night."

"And?" I asked when she didn't say anything.

"He said he needs some time to think about it."

"I suppose my little stunt yesterday probably didn't help matters." I shook my head slowly, considering that. "He was still kinda shook up when I talked to him later. Strike that – really shook up. We kissed, Nat, like when we were in Brazil."

"I'm not surprised, and I certainly don't hold that against him seeing as you almost died yesterday." She gave me a small half smile. "He didn't like seeing you in pain like that - when you were in labor earlier. I know you're close, but it hit him a lot harder than he thought it would. I thought we were going to have to sedate both him and James for a bit there."

I winced. "I'm sorry?"

She shrugged. "You couldn't have known how they'd react, Sarah. _I_ didn't even know they'd react like that." She gave me a self depreciating smile. "Look at me, I broke five of your ribs trying to restart your heart and I know exactly how much force is required to do that. I could have crushed your chest."

"Good thing I'm not the average human, then." I licked my lips and looked over at her. "I know Clint doesn't talk about his feelings much, but he has some pretty strong ones for you, Nat. I've seen how he looks at you." I felt Steve starting to stir, but James was still out cold. I never knew an assassin that could sleep like he did, dead to the world like that.

"I'm not capable of returning them to that extent, Sarah. I don't feel things like you do."

I stared at the redhead. "Bullshit. You just like to pretend you don't because it's easier to push people away so they don't get too close to you. If they get close, then they can hurt you. Clint's not like that, Nat, you know that better than I do."

"He's one of my few good friends. I don't want to lose that."

"Then start by letting him know how important he is to you. If you keep him at arm's length all the time like you have been, eventually he's going to stop trying to stay close to you." She looked away from me and I knew she understood what I meant. There was a distance between them now that hadn't always been there.

"I am who I am, I can't change now after so many years, Sarah."

"No, you can if you want to because that's what humans do, Nat." I gestured at the two sleeping men. "They change – constantly – it's part of being human. While I know you enjoy making new recruits piss their pants, you don't always have to be the Boss Ass Bitch Black Widow all the time."

She smiled genuinely at that one. "Had a couple of reports recently?"

I grinned saucily. "Maybe. Nothing more than normal." I took a deeper breath, deciding to go out on a limb and finish confronting her. "But seriously, Nat. Do you love James?"

She shook her head slightly. "I still feel affection for him, but he's not the same man I knew back then. Whatever we had when I first met him years ago isn't there anymore; it's more like the way I feel about Steve."

"Steve is very fond of you as well, in case he never told you as much."

"He told you that?"

"He didn't need to. I have eyes and ears; I can see it on his face and in his actions towards you. He trusts you, Nat, and I think you're one of his closest friends from this time. Do you love Clint?"

"I don't know."

"Liar," I said calmly. "Let's try that again using the truth this time. Do you love Clint?"

"I'm not sure what it is that I feel towards him," she tried to prevaricate, still unwilling to be completely honest.

"Better, but still not entirely true. This isn't Russia, Nat; you aren't a trophy to be awarded for outstanding service to the Czar."

Her eyelashes flickered, and I knew that I'd hit a nerve with her. Her voice was cooler than before when she responded, and her cadence was markedly more Russian than American briefly.

"There have not been Czars since before I was born, but I understand what you're saying. I've been with Shield long enough to appreciate the difference between the organizations."

"Being back in Kiev for as long as we were, was that when these doubts started? Or was it seeing James again so unexpectedly when you'd just started to believe he was gone for good?"

It was a long moment before she spoke again, her voice quiet and monotone in an attempt to hide her emotions. "Both. Seeing James again I could handle after spending time with Jace. In a way, Jace was more like the James I used to know than James himself was after so many wipes."

"That's why you wouldn't let him closer to you - why you didn't want him to ask you out."

Natasha nodded. "It wouldn't have worked out."

"No, Jace never thought that - still doesn't - but since that was what you said you wanted, that's what he gave you."

I'd watched how she looked at Jace when she thought no one was looking. She'd convinced herself that it would be best to not get involved with him and while Jace still hoped she'd come around, until he finished at Ops he wasn't in a position to wear down her resistance. He also knew she and Clint were on again, so he wouldn't make a move now. He had too much respect for Clint to do that.

"Kiev, though, was hard for me to be in." I nodded, I'd seen the way she'd thrown herself into the dancing and avoided going out on the town with the rest of us. "Not like Moscow, but hard enough. I haven't been on stage like that since Alexi's death, so it was almost therapeutic, in a way." She smiled wistfully, her mind on old memories. "Alexi loved to watch me dance and came to every performance he was able to." Her voice softened at the end, rough around the edges with buried emotion.

"You miss him," I stated, holding her eyes. She shook her head, to my surprise.

"It was an arranged marriage, and I was quite young when we married; young enough to make myself believe I could love him." She dropped her gaze from mine. "James was gone, and I had a chance to make a fresh start. I mourned him the first time I thought he died, returning to the Red Room to became the Black Widow, and reverting back to my maiden name. It was all I knew."

I hadn't missed her phrasing, repeating it back. "The first time you thought he died? So Alexi didn't die in that explosion?"

She shook her head once, her features hardening. " _Nyet_. Alexi had accepted the title of the Red Guardian and it was arranged for him to supposedly die in an accident so he could rise further in the ranks of the KGB."

"The Soviet equivalent of Captain America," I said, recognizing the title and she nodded. "The KGB faked his death to use your talents as they wished and a husband was an inconvenience. Damn, Nat! No wonder you have trust issues – they screwed you over royally!"

"Fitting – it is rumored that I'm descended from royalty." She shrugged. "The last Czar was a Romanoff after all."

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Tsarina Romanova? James calls you that sometimes – Tsarina."

"An alias I have used in the past," she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She looked out the window at the snowy landscape, avoiding my eyes.

"You know you don't have to deal with everything alone, Nat. Clint loves you...maybe it's time for you to actually show him you reciprocate those feelings."

"Love is for children," she said quietly. "I owe him a debt."

I saw Clint coming up to the doorway of my room but didn't let my eyes shift to him. Natasha's back was to him, so she couldn't see him and I could tell he didn't want to come in while she was there. I decided they needed a little help from me, so I looked at her hard.

"Bullshit, Nat. Maybe you owed him at first - believe me, I understand the debt you speak of - but it's turned into something else now." She shook her head, denying my claim. "I know you. You repaid that debt a long time ago, so tell me the truth. Do you want Clint to walk out the door and not come back?"

"Of course not."

"Would you miss him if he was gone? If one day you came home and there was nothing of him left there but memories? He's _this_ close to asking Fury to transfer back to Coulson's team, Natasha." I watched her absorb the emotional blow, a fleeting look of longing the only outward reaction most people wouldn't have seen.

"I miss him already and he's not even gone yet, but he will be."

"Can you live without him?" I asked, almost holding my breath. She was being more honest than I thought she'd ever be.

"I don't want to live without him, but I can. I lived without him before I knew him."

"It's different, living without someone after you've loved them." I said, thinking about how hard it was when Steve and I were separated for long periods of time and unable to contact each other for weeks or months. Clint turned and silently walked away, a hopeful smile on his face, not wanting her to know he heard that. "It's not really living, not right away. It's more like going through the motions and lying to yourself about how much you're missing them."

"What do you know of love, Sarah? You are still very young."

I ignored the rhetorical question, shifting gears. "Will you do something for me today?"

She made a very Russian gesture of impatience, making me smile. "I want you to watch a couple of movies and then call me. P.S. I Love You, A Walk to Remember, and The Notebook. Have you seen them?"

"No, why those movies?"

"You'll see. They're all on Netflix and it doesn't matter what order you see them in."

She looked at me curiously but agreed. "Fine – I'll watch them."

"Today?" She nodded. "Good." Natasha stood up and I waved as she left. Just then I saw Dr Blake at the door. "Morning Doctor."

"You look like you feel a lot better today, Agent."

"I do. Amazing what a good night's sleep will do for a person."

"Yes, it is. Looks like you were well watched last night." He gestured at the two sleeping men beside me.

I grinned. "It's easier to work with them than against them." My face turned more serious. "I gave them a pretty big scare yesterday."

"Yes, you did. In more ways than one, I suspect."

I nodded slowly, acknowledging the truth to that statement. "What's on the agenda for today? Can I go home?"

"I'd like to have another scan taken to see how you're healing and we'll see after that. Did you have any more pain last night?"

"Not after that last dose of morphine," I smiled. "Went right to sleep."

"Good. I'll put in orders for the scan and I'll be back after I've looked at the results."

"Okay. See you later." I grabbed my phone after Dr Blake left and texted Clint.

 

*        *         *

Steve's POV

I felt a small hand brushing my face, and I opened my eyes slowly, smiling as I blinked at Sarah, who was watching me wake up, looking almost normal this morning.

"Morning," she said quietly.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Morning. You look so much better today, doll."

"I feel better today - more like myself. They're going to take me for another scan soon."

"I'd better take Bucky back home to get cleaned up and eat breakfast. I didn't think to bring a bag with yesterday." I pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. "Have you been awake long?"

"A while, but I fell asleep really early last night. Will you grab me some comfy clothes while you're home? A pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt's fine."

"Sure." I got out of bed and stretched as she turned to gently shake Bucky. "Time to get up, James. It's morning." He opened his eyes and looked around, confused as to where he was since this clearly wasn't home. "You're at the Triskelion, James. You stayed overnight with me and Steve."

"Do you get to come home today?" He asked, reaching out to touch her face.

"I don't know. Maybe - I have to get a few more tests done first."

James got off the bed and stretched before he slid his shoes on and gave her a lingering kiss, resting his forehead on hers briefly. "I'm glad you're still here with us, Sarah."

Right on cue, the techs came to get Sarah for her scan, so I took that as our signal to leave. I handed Bucky his jacket as we walked in companionable silence to Sarah's car.

 

*            *             *

Sarah's POV

Clint was there when I returned to my room, sitting next to the bed, reading something on his phone. He looked up with a smile as I was wheeled in.

"Hey Sarah. I got your coffee," Clint said, holding out a steaming cup.

"Great! I missed my caffeine yesterday with all the excitement."

I took it as I stood up and walked to the bed. I climbed in and covered up, smiling as I saw the techs looking at Clint in awe. That was the only downside to working with the Avengers - they were all recognized on sight in the Triskelion.

I waited for them to leave before I turned back to Clint, taking a sip of my coffee. "So spill. What's up with you and Nat? I've never seen her like this before."

"Give me a minute to put it in words."

I nodded and got out of bed to go look out the window; it was snowing hard. I stared at the white flakes for a long time, until Clint came over and put his arms around me, the way he held me telling me that I wasn't going to like what he needed to say to me. I leaned my head back against him, meeting his eyes.

"Well?" I asked.

"She's been acting strange for a while, but I thought we were okay. I mean, we're back to being together again since things didn't work out between her and James. He wasn't who she remembered him being anymore."

"But?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "We've been separated a lot lately with all the Hydra shit we've been dealing with, but I don't think it's just that. Something's just not the same between us this time."

"Why did you attack James? Was it because he kissed Nat again?"

"That didn't make me want to hurt him any less," he smirked, letting me know that he wasn't actually serious about that. He shifted me so I was facing him, his face becoming serious. "Sarah, he's the reason you're here."

I shook my head slowly, unwilling to believe that. "Clint, I'm pretty sure the baby was Steve's."

"But not completely certain?" he prodded. I shook my head; he'd know if I wasn't telling the truth anyways.

"I'll tell you what I think, Sarah. I'm no scientist, but if James knocked you up and his serum's like Nat's, it doesn't play nice with your system. You've seen the video; you know what happens if someone incompatible is given Nat's blood." I nodded, grimacing at the horrific memory. "I know you want to think the baby was Steve's, but you wouldn't have had all these problems if that was the case; you've got the same blood type, Rh factor and serum as Steve." I nodded - all of those things were true. Clint wasn't a scientist, but he was observant and at times he saw things that no one else did. "When was the last time you had sex with James?"

I'd thought about this already, and I knew the answer. "The day before Steve got back, about a week before Halloween. But we used a condom."

"That time, maybe. Not every time, I'm betting."

I looked down, ashamed. "No, not at first, but I've never had a period _and_  had an IUD, so this shouldn't have happened."

"Well it did."

"The only way I'd know for sure is a genetic test. I'll ask Bruce when I see him." I turned around and considered Clint closely. "What aren't you telling me, Barton? You know something, don't you?"

He sighed, looking at me steadily. "Bruce ran it already using blood from the placenta."

"And?" I was thankful that Bruce hadn't directly violated my express wishes in regards to Evan; I understood his need to know, though.

"You know as well as I do."

My breathing hitched as I fought to keep control, unwilling to give into the tears I wanted to let fall. "No."

"I'm sorry, Sarah. It _was_ James' baby." He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me. "You're very lucky to be alive. Bruce thinks if you'd have carried it much longer, that baby would have killed you as it destroyed your blood. The tests showed your blood had traces of James' serum in it, which is why you hemorrhaged so badly yesterday."

Clint held me while I processed that. I knew when he decided I'd been standing too long because he picked me up and carried me back to bed, sitting down with me and wrapping a blanket around me when I shivered in the cool room.

 

*            *            *

James' POV

"Is she sleeping?" I asked quietly when I warily walked back into Sarah's room. Clint was holding her in his arms and her eyes were closed, her head on his chest. He glanced down at her, adjusting the blanket to cover her better.

"Yeah, for now. Where's Steve?"

I sat down in the chair near the bed. "Talking to Tony and Bruce. I didn't want to stay away from her for too long; he said they'd be down as soon as they got things figured out." I sighed and looked at Clint. "Are you still angry with me?"

He shook his head. "We still have some things to work out, Barnes, but I know you love her."

"I've loved her since the first moment I met her in this time. Hell, I think I loved her before I ever met her. I know I don't deserve her; I try, but I'm not good like Steve. I don't think I ever was."

"Neither am I." He smiled sadly at me. "I love her too, you know."

I nodded. It wasn't hard to see how Clint felt about her. I'd seen him come unglued on people that tried to hurt her. "She's easy to love; it doesn't matter to her that I'm not the man I used to be and I might never be. Natalia is more complicated. I'm not the person she used to love, but I still care for her."

"Just not the same way she expects you to?"

"Yes. We have both changed much since we first met – I can't be who she needs me to be. But you, Clint – you already are."

"I'm not so sure about that," he said, looking out the window at the snowstorm.

"I am," I said after a moment. "She needs you - you understand her."

"Sometimes," Clint said. "Not always."

"Give yourself a little more credit," Sarah said, sitting up. "I gave Nat a job today."

"How long have you been awake and do I want to know?" Clint asked, brushing her hair back so he could see her face. I watched them curiously, not knowing what was going on.

She snorted and covered his hand with her own. "Not long. I have her watching a couple movies: P.S. I Love You, A Walk to Remember, and The Notebook."

Those titles meant something to him because Clint immediately grinned widely. "You fight dirty – I like it. I heard what you told her earlier; thanks for being in my corner, by the way." She smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I know. She doesn't know you heard, though; make her work for it a bit, Clint."

He set her down and stood up, stretching for a bit. "I will. I'm going to go get caught up on my paperwork. Will you tell him what I told you?"

He gave her a look I didn't understand, but she nodded, glancing over at me before signing at him rapidly. His expression lightened before he replied in kind.

I sighed, hating it when they did this. I'd been trying to learn sign language, but as usual, they were going way too fast for me to follow. I caught my name and Steve's, though Barton always referred to him as 'Captain' – I assumed because it was faster. He kissed her cheek and stood up, leaving the room.

"What was that all about? The signing?"

She sighed and patted the bed beside her. "James, I have something to tell you and I'm not sure how you're going to take it."

"Then we should wait for Steve," I said, sitting down next to her.

"Weeeeeellll, that's the thing. I don't know how _he's_ going to take it either." She looked at me, hesitating to curl up next to me like she normally did, her face tight.

"Then maybe you should talk to Steve first," I said, not liking what I was picking up from her. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know?"

"You're scaring me again, doll." I pulled her into my lap, looking into her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to." She put her arms around my neck and buried her face in my chest. I held her close, stroking her long hair until Tony came in the room.

"Barnes, that's my daughter you're manhandling." Tony's voice was a little peeved.

"Not manhandling, Tony." I replied as her head shot op. "Just giving her a hug; she likes hugs, you know." I patted her back and she scooted over as Tony walked over to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Morning, Papi," I smiled as I heard the grin in her voice as she talked to him. "I do like hugs. It's nice to not always be the initiator." Tony held her tight and let her tuck her head into the crook of his neck as I saw the tension drain from him. Finally he kissed her forehead and let go of her, sitting on the bed next to her.

"I'm glad to see you up and moving today, kitten. You look a lot better than when I left last night."

"I feel better. Still waiting for the doctor to tell me I can go home today."  We looked up as Dr Blake came in. He was smiling, so I took that as a good sign.

"Speak of the devil," Tony said, making the doctor grin.

"Morning," Dr Blake said. "Well, Agent, I have some good news. Your ribs are healing well."

"So I can go home today?" Sarah said, perking up.

I watched the doctor pause, but his mind was already made up because he was shaking his head after a second. "I'd prefer to keep you another day. There's still a considerable risk of you hemorrhaging again from several rather large blood clots attached to your uterine wall." I mostly understood what he was saying, and it wasn't sounding good; his next words confirmed that for me. "Dr Banner and I have reviewed your most recent bloodwork and we feel that because your normal healing abilities are currently compromised, if any of those clots were to detach suddenly, you wouldn't make it."

"Sarah," Tony said firmly. "I'd feel a lot better with you under direct medical supervision."

"For what my opinion's worth, I think you should stay today, too." I said. "Especially if you can't heal as fast as you should."

"If I stay off my feet for the next couple days can I go home?"

Dr Blake was shaking his head before she even finished her sentence. "I respectfully refuse to release you, Agent, especially considering the weather. If you started to hemorrhage again, you wouldn't get here in time; we have less than four minutes to get it stopped."

"Kitten, please." Tony pleaded, taking her hand in his, holding her eyes. "I'd feel a lot better if you were here."

"All right; I'll stay," he said, clearly unhappy about the whole situation. 

Thank goodness she caved in to his pleading because I was going to have to protest as well – and I knew Steve would, too.

"Agent, have some breakfast and I'll check in on you tonight."

She sighed and looked back up at the doctor. "Thank you, Dr Blake."

The doctor smiled at her sulky attitude, knowing it was only because she didn't get her way for once. Once the doctor left, she looked back at Tony, glaring at him.

"Really, Tony?"   

"I was exercising my parental rights and vetoing my progeny's bad choices. You should be proud of me, kitten. I was acting like a parent for once." Sarah and I both snorted at that and she started giggling.

"There's a first time for everything, I guess," she said, patting his hand. "I'm just not used to you being the responsible one. That's why you have Jarvis, Rhodey and Pepper."

"Speaking of bad choices and responsible, how the hell did Tin Man knock you up in the first place?" I felt like I'd just had the chair pulled out from under me.

"Tony – " Sarah said warningly, climbing out of bed and coming over next to me.

"What?" I said, staring at her in shock. "Sarah? Did I...is it...was he mine?"

"Yes. That's what I was going to tell you later – alone – before my dad sprung it on you." She glared at him again.

"How?" I cleared my throat, trying again. "How did you know it was mine?"

"This morning they did a genetic test on the placenta...and my blood...to find out why I wasn't healing properly."

"And?"

"Turns out whatever serum Hydra gave you is extremely incompatible with hers, Frosty." Tony paused, giving me a moment to understand what he was saying. I reached for Sarah, needing her to ground me while I processed that fact. "The baby shared your serum and was slowly killing Sarah. Her body was trying to fight back, but it couldn't because the baby was continually – infecting, for lack of a better word – her bloodstream with your serum."    

I stroked her face lightly. "So that's why you've been so tired these past couple weeks and haven't been healing from regular injuries as quickly as normal."

"Bingo."

"I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me for almost killing you?" I asked her, staring into her golden brown eyes.

"No," Tony warned. "Don't do it, kitten."

She ignored Tony, giving me a smile. "I never blamed you, James. Not once."

"I do," I said, pulling her into a hug. "I almost lost you, Sarah. Your heart stopped – _you_ _were_ _dead_ until they got it beating again. That's not something you can forgive me for overnight."

"I love you, James, and yes, it is. It took two of us to make that baby, you know."

"Does Steve know?"

She looked over at Tony, who shook his head. "Not yet. He had to go talk to Fury before we could tell him."

"Good, because this should come from me," Sarah said quietly, looking up at me.

 

*       *           *

Steve's POV

Sarah was curled up in a small ball in Bucky's arms when I finally got back to the room. Her eyes were closed and she looked like she was sleeping. I set the backpack I'd packed for her on the bed as I sat down on the end of it to talk to him. Bucky was staring off into space; he hadn't even realized I was there.

"Buck?" I said quietly after a minute, concerned that he hadn't said anything yet but not wanting to wake Sarah up if she was sleeping. She needed her rest right now to heal. His eyes snapped to me at the sound of my voice and I was taken aback at the pain I saw in their cerulean depths.

"Steve? Where were you?"

I picked up the extra blanket next to me and stood up to drape it over her. The room was plenty warm, but I knew how Sarah liked to be covered up when she was sleeping. "I got pulled into a meeting with Fury. Is everything okay? Has the doctor been in yet?"

"He said she needs to stay here today. There are some blood clots that could cause problems and she's still not healing as fast as she should."

"I was hoping she'd stay a little longer," I said, exhaling loudly in relief. I sat back down, my worry easing slightly knowing she was going to be under direct medical supervision for a while longer. I knew she really wanted to go home, but I was glad she wouldn't be alone.

"She lost a lot of blood yesterday," Bucky said quietly.

"Her healing always slows down when that happens because it takes time for the donor blood to adapt to hers and for her serum to catch up."

Sarah stirred and Bucky stroked her face for a moment, murmuring softly to her so she'd stay sleeping. I smiled as I watched; it wasn't often that I saw exactly how much he loved her. Bucky wasn't really open about it outside our apartments, preferring to not let people see that side of him because he was afraid Hydra would learn how much she meant to him.

Finally, he looked back up at me, his face blank. "That's not the only reason why she isn't healing faster. Tony told me it was my fault."

"Buck – "

"I know what you're going to say Steve, but he's right. It's my fault she almost died yesterday."

"What? No, Buck. It's not your fault; you don't know that!" I shook my head, regretting leaving him alone for so long this morning. He'd somehow decided that he needed to take the blame for this whole mess.

"I do know that. Tony said they did some testing and found out it was mine, and because my serum won't work with hers, it was killing her."

"What?" I stared at him for a moment, my brain struggling to process what he'd just told me. "Is that why it took almost a full week for those bruises from Syria to heal when it normally only takes a day or two?"

"Yes."

"Does Sarah know?"

"Yes. She was going to tell you."

"What's going on in that head of yours, Buck?"

"I don't know. Why aren't you angry with me, Steve? You have every right to be."

"Because it never mattered to me if it was mine or yours because it's a part of her. We both would have loved that baby no matter what and you know it."

"If they put it on her medical record, I want it recorded as yours. No one outside of the team is to know it wasn't yours, Steve. Hydra wants her bad enough already, they can't find out I've been with her, that I made her pregnant." His tone was bordering on panic and I reached out to touch his shoulder, squeezing lightly.

"Okay, Buck," I said, thinking back to a different conversation we'd had, before his memory had been wiped a couple weeks ago and nodded, even though I didn't think it was necessary. "If that will help protect her and if that's what you want, that's what we'll do. Right now, your name isn't on anything, not even as a part of his."

"What did you name him?" Bucky asked, and he probably didn't realize that this was the first time he'd called it anything other than 'it.'

"Evan Stark Rogers; at the time we assumed he was my son."

"That's a good name. Don't let her change it."

"Buck - are you sure about this?"

"Positive. My name can't be connected to her in any way. As much as I wish things had turned out better, his life would've been worth less than a wooden nickel had he lived and Hydra learned about him."

"Any son of mine will be just as hunted, Buck," I pointed out. That thought had run through my mind more than once over the past day. "You can't tell me that they wouldn't want to get their hands on Captain America's son if they could."

"I'm not sure who they'd want more, but they never controlled you like they did me. They say my activation words and I'm their puppet again."

"You don't know that. What if the reset wiped your activation words?"

"I don't think it works that way," he said.

 

*           *            *

Sarah's POV

I heard Steve and James talking, woken out of my light doze by the tensing of James' muscles and the shift in his breathing. I debated on whether or not I should let him know I was awake, but from what I'd heard so far they really needed to have this talk. I'd woken so gradually that James hadn't noticed, as emotionally involved as he was in this conversation.

James was still in control of himself, so I stayed limp and relaxed, like I was sleeping. I was still trying to figure out what Steve was feeling; his voice was calm and controlled, but underneath, I could sense his deeper emotions, the ones he always tried to bury.

They seemed to have reached an agreement of some sorts and I wondered if either of them would mention it to me. I'd been very careful about only listing James' name whenever it was necessary. He didn't appear on the duty rosters under his own name and most of the Strike guys didn't even know his last name, just that he was an incredibly capable man who had the trust of the Avengers and myself. We'd never changed his name like we had Jace's because James hadn't wanted us to. If Hydra was trying to find him, it wouldn't matter what name he used.

The sound of my phone ringing made me jump slightly and I acted like I'd just woken up. Steve answered it for me and then handed me the phone. A glance at the screen showed me it was my mom. It must be an acceptable time in the morning to call, then.

"Momma?" I said quietly, curled up in James' lap.

"Are you all right, Sarah? Tony called us last night to tell us what happened. He made arrangements for us as soon as the storm passes."

"What did he all tell you?"

"That you hemorrhaged badly during your miscarriage and went into cardiac arrest from the shock."

"Yeah, that's what happened. Things didn't go as planned and I gave us all a scare. I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. I slept most of yesterday. I didn't think I'd be so tired from it all, I guess."

"It's only to be expected. We're glad to hear that you're recovering well. How are you feeling today?"

"Sore. I hurt everywhere. Nat cracked my ribs doing compressions but I'm doing better today. It was a little rough yesterday for a while, but I'm okay now."

"I wish we could have been there for you, sweetheart. How's Steve taking it all?"

"He's doing okay. It was hard on him, being there with me when I coded."

"I'm sure it was. And James – how did he take it?"

"He's doing better now, Mom. You can mom him yourself when you guys get here. When do you think you'll be here?"

"I'll text you as soon as we find out, but possibly tomorrow. You sound tired, honey. Your dad wants to talk to you for a bit."

"Put him on, Mom. Love you."

"Love you, too, honey. Here's dad."

"Hey honey. How are you?" my dad asked.

"Healing. Working on getting back to normal. You sound like you were worried, Daddy."

"I was for a while there. Tony said you almost didn't make it. I told him you were a fighter; you wouldn't just give up.

"Daddy! Of course I wasn't going to give up; I've got too much to live for. Sorry I interrupted your vacation."

"I don't mind, honey. You know I'm not much of a skiier anyways. It's your mom who's the snow bunny of the family."

"Yes she is," I said as I glanced at the screen when I heard another call beeping in. "I gotta go, Dad. Jace is beeping in and I haven't talked to him yet either."

"Okay. Love you. Take it easy for a couple of days until we get there, you hear?"

"I hear you. Love you too. Bye." I accepted Jace's call with a quiet "Hello?"

"Sarah! Are you all right?" Jace said, and I could hear the emotion in his rough voice.

"I'm doing better. Did Nat call you?"

"Yeah. She was pretty upset when I talked to her last night. She told me not to call until she'd checked on you this morning."

"I was wondering how you managed to wait until morning to call. I was going to call you later today anyway."

James' POV

I perked up when I heard Sarah say my name. "James is here, too. I'll put you on speaker, okay?"

She took the phone from her face and tapped it once, putting him on speakerphone so he could talk to all of us at once. It's how we normally talked to him if we were all together when we called.

 _Thanks_ , I heard his familiar voice on the line.

"Go ahead," Sarah said, grinning. "Can you hear me now?"

He snorted at a joke I didn't quite get. _Yeah. Hey guys!_

"Hi Jace," Steve said, smiling at me.

"Are you coming to DC?" I asked as I grinned in return. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, man."

 _I wish I could, but I can't this weekend –  even if it wasn't for the storm. I've got overnight guard duty. At least you still remember me, Uncle James. Guess I made an impression on you or something_.

"Or something," Steve agreed, rolling his eyes. "How are the roads?"

_Closed, or I'd be there already. The storm's really nasty out here – guard duty's going to be extra awesome tonight with less than zero visibility._

"Keep telling yourself that," Sarah said with a laugh. "I need to get up and move around, but you can talk to the guys for a bit, okay?"

_Okay. If it's about any girly stuff I don't want to know about it._

"Wuss," She teased, handing me the phone so she could stand up, heading for the hallway to give us time to talk.

"She's out of the room now," Steve said, "Are you on a secure line?"

_Yes. Director Gregg was kind enough to allow me to use one to call today. He's expecting some information, though. What am I telling him?_

"That she's doing a lot better and not to worry. It just wasn't developing as expected."

_Whose baby was it? Sarah didn't say._

We shared a look and I pointed at Steve. He nodded, knowing what I meant. "Officially it's mine," Steve said. "So that's all you need to know. The group that's really interested in Bucky's whereabouts doesn't need another reason to look closer at Sarah."

 _Wow. I didn't see that coming._ There was a brief pause while he absorbed that information. _Are you both doing okay?_

"We're working on it, but it's going to take a while," Steve said. "It was all pretty sudden and I don't think we've processed it all yet, but Sarah's alive – that's the important thing."

"Both of us are watching her like a hawk," I put in. "She wanted to go home today but Tony and Doc didn't think she should. Doc refused to release her."

_How'd you manage that? You a miracle worker or something?_

I could hear the disbelief in his tone, so I snorted. "No, I just made sure Tony was there when the doctor came in to talk to her and Steve wasn't so she couldn't talk him around."

_Whatever works! You guys coming home for Christmas? The twins have been pestering me to ask every time I call home to talk to my parents._

Sarah came back in the room looking a little tired. I started to walk over to her but she shook her head. "I'm going to shower, okay?"

"Sure, doll. You want me to call the nurse in?"

"I talked to her already. She said she'd check in on me in a little bit."

"Okay. You want to talk to Jace?"

"He can text me tonight when he's bored like he usually does when he's got guard duty."

 _I heard that!_ Jace said.

"No duh?" Sarah said, walking to the bathroom.

"She's going to shower," I told Jace. "What'd I miss?"

"I just told him we'll be there for Christmas," Steve said. "Sarah's done with her shopping already but Bucky and I have to get a few things yet. What do your brothers' like?"

 _They're 10 - what don't they like?_ Jace laughed. _I'll text you part of the list they sent me, okay?_

"Great. I get to shop for toys for my great-nephews?" I said, letting sarcasm color my voice. "What if I want to buy toys for me, too?"

_Dude, you're 95 – what kind of toys you need from the places you're gunna have to go to get their stuff?_

Steve laughed. "Just wait and see, Jace. Bucky's never been to a modern toy store."

_If you take him to Labyrinth will you make a video and send it to me -_ _ please _ _? I can't believe I have to miss out on that! Dude, you're gonna love it._

"This better not be like clothes shopping," I said, wary now from his reaction.

_No, nothing like that. That store's just awesome. There's no way for me to explain it - it just is._

He paused so we could hear the water turn on, letting us know Sarah was in the shower now. "So I haven't talked to Archie about this yet, but I was intending to give Sarah a particular piece of jewelry for Christmas. What's your opinion on that?"

_Are you kidding me! I better be there when you ask!_

"Keep your voice down, kid. She's in the shower but she's not deaf."

 _What do you think about that, James?_ Jace asked, keeping his voice neutral.

I snorted. "I helped him pick it out, twerp. I love her, too, but as far as the world knows, I died in '45. Linking her name with mine in any way will only paint a bigger target on her back."

 _And then I wonder why I had to change my name – that right there! The sooner you guys finish taking out the fucked up octopus, the better. You can leave me a couple, though. I get to go out on some recon ops after New Years with my squad_.

"Fucked up octopus?" I laughed. "I'm going to think that every time I take out a base, Stevie. Damn octopi!"

Steve shook his head at us. "Language, Bucky! You too, Jace."

 _Man, I miss you guys. I gotta report in soon, so I'll see you next week_.

"Bye Jace," we said as he hung up.

I looked at Steve, shaking my head. "I miss that little twerp."

"That's because he reminds you of us when we were his age – convinced we could take on the world."

"That was all you, punk. I just kept you from being beaten up too badly. You'd think you'd have eventually learned not to keep attacking bullies that were twice your size."

"Nope. They needed to be taught a lesson. Still do."


	31. Full Circle

Steve's POV

It seemed like it was an incredibly long five days until we saw Sarah again. She'd went home with her parents as soon as they arrived in DC and Sarah was discharged Monday morning.

It was late by the time we pulled up outside her parent's house but the lights were still on. We parked in the drive and grabbed our bags. By the time we'd made it to the front door it was already open.

"Come on in, boys," Archie said, shaking our hands and clapping us on the back. "Dinner's ready. You can take your bags up after we eat."

"How's Sarah?"

"She couldn't wait to see you both," Sarah said, walking up behind me and giving me a kiss as she threw her arms around my neck, pulling me tight to her. "Miss me?"

"Always," I smiled, putting my arms around her and kissing her deeply before letting her go greet Bucky. He'd been standing back, looking around like he'd never been here before and it hit me again how much ground he'd lost less than a month ago.

"Hey doll. It's been a sucky week without you," Bucky said as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

I put my arm around Archie and gestured to the kitchen. They'd follow when they were ready. I think the distance had been harder on him than it had me; he wasn't used to her being gone for days at a time like I was.

"I'm a little confused here, Steve," Archie said, gesturing at the couple. "I thought _you_ were dating Sarah?"

"I am," I said with a smile. "But so's Bucky. I guess the best answer is it's complicated."

"What happens when she has to choose between you?"

"Who said she has to choose?" I said as we walked into the kitchen and Betty greeted me with a hug.

"Steve, dear – it's so good to see you. Sarah's been going stir crazy being stuck at home the past couple days."

"I'm sure," I said with a grin. "Anything I can help you with, Betty?"

She shook her head slightly and smiled. "Go ahead and wash up while I take this roast out, Steve. Where's James? Didn't he come with you?" 

"He's here somewhere," I said gesturing at the front door with a smile.

"He's kissing our daughter," Archie said, giving Betty a look. She'd clearly been talking to Sarah because she didn't even stop what she was doing, only clicked her tongue.    

"Don't you worry about that, Archie Evans. It's no concern of yours. You don't see it bothering Steve, do you?"

 

*         *            *

James' POV

Having Sarah in my arms again felt like I could finally breathe again after being underwater for too long. I kissed her deeply, tasting her sweet lips as I breathed in her perfume. I'd missed her terribly the whole five days she'd been gone. We'd FaceTimed, but that hadn't been the same as having her physically in my arms.

"In case you didn't know, I'm crazy about you, doll."

She smiled widely, "In case you didn't know – I'm just as crazy about you, James. I missed you so much."

"I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere for a while."

"Good," she grinned. "We better go to the kitchen before they come looking for us."

I kissed her one more time, not letting her go until we were both gasping for breath. "Lead the way, doll." I linked fingers with her, smiling at her bemused expression. "I don't really remember being here yet but I know I've been here."

We climbed the stairs after we'd finished eating, our bags slung over our shoulders. I rebounded off of Steve's hard muscled back when he stopped short after entering what I assumed was our room.

"What's wrong?" I asked, brushing past him. "Did we miss our room?"

"No, I just wasn't expecting different furniture. Last time we all three slept on two smaller beds pushed together. Sarah said she'd picked out some new furniture for our room, but I wasn't expecting to see the same bed she has back at her apartment."

"Why not? It's a comfortable bed." I threw my bag on the bed and started unpacking. We were going to be here until Monday, so I figured I'd better settle in and find some pajamas to wear.

Steve shook his head at me. "It's an expensive bed."

"I don't care. It's still the best bed I've ever slept in."

Steve sighed, but dropped the subject, unpacking his bag, too. "I'm going to go shower, Buck. I know you took one already while I was in that last meeting."

"Sure. Can you give me the nickel tour first so I know what's what?"

"Yeah," he said with a wistful smile. "I keep waiting for it all to click, Buck." His expectant expression said that he was waiting for me to remember something.

"I know, Steve. There's something about this place. It's like my memory's just on the other side of a door. I know it's there, but I don't know what it's about."

Steve pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek like he usually did when we were alone but closer to my lips than normal before abruptly letting me go to grab his shower bag and toothbrush. I stood there as a memory hit me of the last time he'd kissed my cheek like that when we were here – and what came after. The strange feeling that I was missing something was finally gone because I remembered how I felt about him.

Steve looked back at me when he reached the doorway, raising an eyebrow at me since I hadn't moved yet. "You all right, Buck? You look upset."

"Why didn't you just kiss me, punk?" I said, pulling him in for a long overdue kiss, only breaking apart when we heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Steve's eyes held my own and he was close enough I could see the green flecks in their cobalt depths.

"Because you didn't remember. I'm not going to force you to feel something you don't, Buck. I love you – always have, always will."

 

*       *          *

Sarah's POV

I smiled as I saw Bucky pull Steve in for a kiss; the suddenness startled Steve into letting James keep control of it. I was relieved that they were finally back to where they'd been before the reset. I turned and went back down a couple stairs to give them a moment before walking more loudly up the stairs to warn them someone was coming.

I stopped in the doorway, leaning on the doorjamb as I smiled at them. "It's about time, James. You've been so close to remembering; I hoped being here again would help." James looked at Steve, who shook his head and smiled, gesturing for me to come closer. I pushed off the doorjamb and walked over to them to be engulfed by their large, warm bodies as they pulled me between them.

"It did," James said, kissing me before kissing Steve again. "It doesn't change how I feel about you, though."

"It didn't before, either." I rested my head on Steve's chest, listening to his accelerated heartbeat. He stroked my hair lightly, kissing the top of my head. "Although it might surprise my parents a little bit. My dad gave me a lecture before I could come up tonight. He thinks I need to choose between you."

"Not happening," Steve said, shaking his head. "We're a package deal."

"Nope," James said, kissing me again. "We chose you; you're stuck with us both."

I grinned at their immediate denials, kissing Steve briefly. "Mom said she'd explain things to him later – after the weekend."

"I was just going to go shower, doll. Will you show Bucky around?"

I looked at James questioningly. He looked a little sheepish. "I don't remember where anything is at and I didn't want to just wander around the house."

"Sure, James – you're not going to shower with Steve?" I asked with a smirk.

James shook his head slightly. "I took a shower before we left while Steve was in another boring meeting."

I snorted. "Pretty sure you were supposed to be at that boring meeting, too, you know."

Steve nodded. "He was, but it was better he wasn't there. McCartney came instead since he's usually my second."

"That explains the cryptic text I got from him this afternoon, then," James said.

"What did he send you? I got a picture of him pretending to sleep." I grinned, pulling out my phone and handing it to him for him to read. 'You owe me big this time, Evans. Please tell me you're coming back soon?' James looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. "Now I'm really glad I skipped if Jake was that bored."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Steve, tell him it wasn't that bad."

"It was that bad. Come on, Sarah! A planning meeting at 1600 on the last day before a long weekend? We're going to have to have another one because no one could focus on the meeting. Coulson said to tell you hi and May was concerned you weren't there."

"I told Skye she could tell them what I'd told her – the official story we decided on – before they started to hear the rumors."

"That explains why May was giving me a look whenever no one was looking at her," Steve said, kissing me lightly. "I would almost call it a glare."

I winced, knowing he was being kind if that was all he was calling it. "Sorry, Steve. May's – well – May. I spent a fair amount of time with her when I was training. She's one of the few people that can give me a run for my money and still be only human. I'll call her tomorrow."

"Good," he said, heading for the shower.

 

*     *        *

Steve's POV

"I'm glad we finally had a chance to talk, Archie."   

"Me too, Steve. I've been expecting this for a while now, even before last weekend."

"You have?" I asked, surprised. Sarah's dad sat back and nodded, a serious expression on his face.

"Of course. I've seen how you look at my little girl. It doesn't take a genius to know when someone loves her just as much as I do."

"I'm not sure that she'll accept, but I wanted to ask your blessing first before I ask her to marry me."

"I appreciate that, Steve. You've changed from the first time I met you in June."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good. When I first met you, you were grieving and struggling to find your place in this time. While the world will always have a need for someone like Captain America, that doesn't mean Steve Rogers isn't needed as well."

I nodded slowly. "I was lost in so many ways – until I met Sarah." I smiled thinking of the many ways she'd saved me. "She's done so much for me – she found Bucky for me and convinced him to come home."

Archie nodded, "She knew how important he is to you. How could she not, growing up with Jace?"

"I asked Jace's opinion as well – he said he just wanted to be there when I asked her."

"Smart man. There isn't anything she wouldn't do for him. You know how they met?"

"Yes. She's promised me she won't test any more prototypes until Jarvis thinks they're safe enough. Tony's no better than she is, so Jarvis it is."

"How did you manage to get her to promise that?"

"I had to make several promises of my own; including trying to remember to wear a parachute, among other things." I said sheepishly.

"If you're thinking about marrying my daughter, you better be doing more than just _trying_ to remember, Steve. If I think she's too young to get married, then she's certainly too young to be a widow."

"In my defense, I do know my limitations. I've always used a parachute when I thought I needed to – which didn't correspond to when _she_ thought I needed to use one."

He smiled in understanding. "That comes with the territory," he explained.

"Honestly, I can't imagine a life without her, sir. Being away from her this last week has been hell."

"You don't need to call me sir, Steve. And I know it's been hard for her to be away from you both without a mission to keep her busy. She doesn't know how to be idle."

"No, she doesn't. So is that a yes?"

"Well, I'm not her only father, but I can't think of anyone else I'd want for a son-in-law. Have you talked to Tony about this?"

I smiled, thinking back to that conversation. It'd been a couple days ago, after Sarah'd left to come home. "I have, actually. The three of us wanted to move in together since we pretty much live together already, but she wanted to talk to you about that first. Tony's offered his DC house to us since he's been spending more time traveling again and Pepper wants him to spend more time with her, too – they're engaged now, did you know that?"

"I didn't, but good for them. It's about time Tony settled down. I'll make sure to congratulate them when I see them in a couple days; they're coming for Christmas day." He paused briefly, meeting my eyes. "My biggest concern is her age. She's only 18; that's pretty young for anyone to get married these days."

"I know, and I can wait until she's ready for that. It can be a long engagement if she wants; if she says yes, that is."

"What about her involvement with James? Last time I checked, marriage was between two people, not three."

"Yes and no, depending on the culture. Usually it involves multiple wives, not multiple husbands."

"True. But you're all right with that, Sarah being with both of you?"

"Yes. While we both love her, Bucky doesn't want his name linked to hers on any form of government document or public record. He's still concerned that Hydra's after him and they would use Sarah to get to him."

"Would they?"

"Yes."

"Is Sarah in danger?"

"No more than usual. By taking my name, she'd be guaranteed the protection of the American government in addition to whatever Tony can do for her."

"What will the press make of it?"

I shrugged. "He thinks they'll be ecstatic to finally know her whole name. I'm surprised they haven't learned it by now, as much attention as we draw when we go out."

Archie leaned back and thought about that for a while. "Well, let's see the ring then. I'm assuming you're keeping it close for now. I remember when I proposed to Betty; I was terrified I'd lose it before I got to ask her."

I smiled and pulled a small jewelry box out of my pocket and handed it to him. He flipped the lid open to look at it briefly before snapping it closed and handing it back to me.

"It's perfect for her. She doesn't wear jewelry; how did you get her ring size?"

"I asked Natasha and Pepper take her shopping; between them they managed to get her to try some on and give some opinions. They said she kept looking at this one, so that's what I got her."

Archie clapped me on the back, smiling broadly. "Good luck, Steve. I know you'll be good to my little girl."

"I will. Thank you, Archie."

"You're welcome. We better get back inside before they come looking for us. When are you planning on asking her?"

"Soon if I want it to stay a surprise. I'm afraid she's going to figure out what I'm up to before everything's ready."

"We'll just have to keep her occupied, then."

 

*          *         *

James' POV

I smiled when I saw Steve come back in from the garage with Sarah's dad. His relaxed posture and easy smile told me he'd been successful in getting her dad's approval, but I'd known he would. That meant he was one step closer to making sure she'd be with us forever. This way, even if Hydra got ahold of me again, Steve wouldn't be alone this time. Sarah'd make sure he didn't do anything stupid.

"Well, that must have went well," Betty murmured to me as she handed me another dish to dry. "What do you think?"

I nodded. "Don't know why Stevie was all worked up about it."

"He overthinks things at times. I hope Archie didn't string him along like he said he was going to."

"Of course he did," I scoffed. "I would – how often can a guy make Captain America sweat and get away with it?"

"Spoken like his best friend," she said with a smile. "Have you started to remember most of what you forgot when they reset you?"

"I think so. I've re-read my journals and went to a couple of places that connected pieces together for me. It took me longer the first time, when I first came to DC. Some things stayed this time – mostly things that weren't connected to my past, like Jace and Sam."

"It's nice you got to keep some of yourself. Do you want to continue your cooking lessons while you're here? I was starting to teach you how to make some easy dishes."

I smiled at her. "That would be nice. I keep setting off the beeper thing every time I cook, so I took the batteries out of it for now. Steve thinks I'm improving because it hasn't went off for a week."

She tried to hide a laugh, but gave up shortly. "You said something very similar at Thanksgiving, James. That's why I initially offered to teach you."

"Oh," I said in surprise, not remembering that. "That would be nice of you. I want to learn how to do things myself."

"You've come a long ways already, James. When I first met you, you needed to be near either Sarah or Steve at all times. Now, that doesn't seem to be a requirement. You _want_ to be near them, but it isn't a necessary for you to function."

"I still need Sarah and Steve, but I can function when they're not around," I said, drying another plate. "I've been talking to Sam a lot and I'm trying something new for my anxiety. The other meds they gave me fogged my brain and made it even harder for me to remember things.

"Sounds like you've made a lot of progress, dear." Betty gave me a smile.

"He has," Sarah said, coming up behind me and putting her arms around me. "I'm so proud of you, James. You've been working hard at learning all those protocols for work and getting to know new people without Steve and I hovering over your shoulder." She let go of me and leaned against the counter to talk to us.

"They're not all new – some of them I've met before and of those people, half of them live in our building, I swear. "

"I'll give you that. Skye's going to FaceTime me in a little bit. Want to talk to her with me?"

"Sure. She still dating the Strike guy?"

"You can ask her yourself if you're just going to give her crap for it. I'm not giving you nothing, Barnes."

"I think she likes Jake. She always asks about him." I said, waggling my eyebrows at her.

"Too bad he's still dating that bim-uhh-barbie."

"Sarah Maria Evans!" Betty scolded Sarah, who didn't look very repentant.

I faked a cough to hide my laugh at her quick save, even if it didn't fool her mother. Sarah wacked me on the back a little harder than necessary before looking back at Betty.

"Sorry Mom. You wouldn't like her either, the way she tries to flirt with Steve right in front of me and James." Sarah was talking with her hands, so I knew she was still upset about that last argument they'd gotten into after the bimbo ran her hands over Steve's arm in front of Sarah.

I nodded, clearing my throat. "It's pretty bad, Betty. She don't like Sarah and everyone but Jake and Steve can see it – the broad acts like Sarah's her best friend when they're around. She don't care much for me, either."

"She's so fake she'd be more believable made of plastic. I don't know what Jake sees in her."

"I don't think they spend a lot of time talking, doll."

Betty gave me a look and shook her head, handing me the last pan to dry while she let the water out. Sarah's phone rang just then, so she pulled it out to see who was calling. "It's Skye. I'll be in the living room, James."

"Be right there," I said with a smile before turning back to Betty.

"I guess I don't need to worry about this girl if she doesn't have either of you fooled. She put on a good act?"

"Yeah. I'm just a little more skeptical of people than Steve is, that's all. He always wants to believe that what you see is what you get. She's a pretty girl and she knows it, uses it to get what she wants. I think she's using Jake, but he doesn't seem like he minds."

"What does Jake look like?"

I pulled my phone out and pulled up a picture of him and Steve from the other night when he came over to watch football with us. I handed it to Betty, who looked at the similarities between him and Steve before handing the phone back.

"I don't have one of the bimbo, but I can get one for you if you want - just give me a few minutes."

Betty sighed. "That's all right, James. I think I've got a pretty good idea already." She patted my arm. "Get on with you now; it's not polite to keep a lady waiting."

 

*           *                   

I woke up before Sarah and Steve and laid there thinking for a long moment before remembering I still hadn't put all of my gifts under the tree yet. I let go of Sarah and worked my way out from under the covers, trying not to wake them. I pulled on a shirt and grabbed the small packages from my bag and headed downstairs to put it under the tree, only to be surprised to see Jace maneuvering a large box into place under the tree.

"Jace, what are you doing here this early in the morning?" I asked quietly, smiling when he yelped.

"Geez, James!" he jumped, startled. "You gotta quit sneaking up on me like that!" He punched my right arm firmly, making me smile. "I'm being Santa Claus, all right?"

"You look a little scrawny, Santa. The missus not feeding you well?"

"Ha, ha. You'll see, punk. How else was your gift going to be a surprise? Sarah goes all out for holidays, you know.

"So I've realized," I said sardonically, gesturing at the room. "I helped haul all this stuff down from the attic and almost killed myself putting up the Christmas lights on the roof."

"Anyway, I gotta get back home before the twins wake up or they'll open my presents, too." Jace laughed quietly. "Again."

"Merry Christmas, twerp." I said as I pulled him into a hug, clapping him on the back.

"Merry Christmas, Uncle Buck," Jace replied, hugging me back. "Uh oh. Incoming."

"I can't believe you beat me downstairs," Sarah said, smiling as Jace pulled her into a hug. "You're going to spoil your surprise, James." She stretched up to kiss Jace's cheek. "Merry Christmas, Jace."

"Merry Christmas, Sarah," he said, kissing her cheek as well. "You're all supposed to come over for dinner, by the way. Mom said she and Mami had already arranged that a while back."

"Of course they did. Tony, Pepper, Bruce and Nat are going to be here, too."

"Can't wait! You know my mom – the more the merrier," he said, letting go of Sarah and picking up his coat from the couch. "See you later." He signed something to her too fast for me to catch and she nodded at him with a smile as he turned to go.

"So I get the biggest gift?" I said, grinning at Sarah and pulling her back into my arms. "Cool beans."

"We really need to upgrade your vocabulary, Barnes. 'Cool beans?'" she scoffed, tilting her head up for me to give her a kiss. "What are you doing up so early?"   

"Forgot to put these under the tree," I said, setting the packages down on the pile before kissing her again to distract her. "But since you're here, maybe you wanna open your present before everyone else comes downstairs?" I nuzzled her nose with mine before kissing her softly.

"I should say I can wait, but I don't want to," Sarah said with a grin.

"Good, because it isn't meant for anyone other than us." I handed her a smaller box from my pocket. "Go ahead and open it," I said, sitting down on the couch and pulling her into my lap. She searched my eyes for a long moment before smiling and tearing off the wrapping paper to reveal a velvet jewelry box.

"James?" she breathed, eyes widening. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Just open it, doll." I said, brushing her hair back so I could see her face. She took a shaky breath and opened the box, raising a hand to her face when she saw the ring inside.

"James?" she said tremulously. "I think you need to tell me what this is all about."

"This is just one half of a set, Sarah, just like me and Steve. I'm pretty sure you already know Steve's planning on popping the question soon." She nodded and opened her mouth to speak but I laid a finger on her lips and shook my head. "You don't have to tell me anything, doll. I just want to make sure you know that if you say yes to Steve, you're really saying yes to the both of us. I can't give you my name because that would only put you at risk, but I can give you this."

I took the titanium ring from the box and slid it onto her ring finger before kissing her gently.

"I know the church only recognizes marriage between one man and one woman, but I love you just as much as I love Steve, James," she said as she kissed me softly, a gentle smile on her lips. "I wasn't sure how I was going to answer Steve when he asked, but I am now."

"Good. I love you, Sarah Maria Stark Evans – just as much as I love Steve. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me in all my 95 years."

"Hmm, I might argue that Steve was the best thing to happen to you, James. You met him first, after all."

"So I did," I mused. "Now you still better act surprised when he gets down on one knee, doll."


	32. Merry Christmas

Steve's POV

"It was my idea," I said, walking into the living room and sitting down beside Bucky and Sarah. "Buck and I talked about it a while back, not long before the reset. He didn't remember the conversation until I gave him his piece of your ring last week." I'd been so relieved that he had at least recalled that conversation, otherwise, I wouldn't have even considered of asking Sarah to marry me yet.

Sarah shifted so she was sitting on both of our laps and gave me a lingering kiss. "Thank you, Steve. I love you."

"Love you, too," I said, brushing a finger over her cheek. "I should probably be upset that it won't be a surprise, but I'm not."

I smiled at Bucky and he pulled me in for a hug. I kissed his cheek and he turned into me, capturing my lips with his own.  We broke apart to see Sarah watching us with a smile on her face. She kissed us both once and wriggled off our laps, heading to the kitchen. I turned to Bucky with a smile.

"How did you know she'd hesitate unless she knew you agreed?"

"A conversation we had once – about the future – when you were gone being a hero." A smile flitted across his lips and he shifted so he was facing me. "Until I'm free of my activation words, I'm a danger to both of you. If they get their hands on me again, at least this time you'll have her. You won't be alone this time, Steve."

I didn't want to even think about the possibility of Hydra capturing or controlling him just to strike at me. "They're not going to get a hold of you, Buck. Not if I have anything to say about it."

"I know, Steve. But as long as Hydra exists, there's that possibility and you know it."

I sighed, knowing he was right even if I didn't want to acknowledge that fact. "I don't want you going and doing anything stupid, Buck. I lost you once – it'll kill me to lose you again. In case you didn't know, I'd be lying if I said I could live this life without you." I rested my forehead on his, staring into his earnest cerulean eyes and stroking his stubbled cheeks. "I didn't do so great the first time I tried it."

He put his arms around me and pulled me close. "You ain't gonna lose me if I've got anything to say about it, Stevie. You had my heart a long, long time ago, back when you were a scrawny nobody that couldn't walk away from a fight for nothin'." His lips found mine and kissed me senseless the way only he could until the smell of coffee told us we weren't going to be alone for long.

I finally pulled back and smiled. "Merry Christmas, Buck. I love you."

"Merry Christmas, Stevie and I love you more."

"Not possible," I said with a grin. I kissed him once more before pulling him to his feet. "I think you love coffee more than me."

We laughed as we walked to the kitchen, my arm around his shoulders and his around my waist.

 

*           *                *

James' POV

It wasn't much later before Sarah's parents came downstairs and we went in the living room to open our presents. She'd given her ring to Steve so he could fit the two pieces together so the only ones who would know were the three of us.

Steve and I watched as we learned Sarah's Christmas traditions, everyone opens one gift at a time, starting with the oldest; it was hilarious that we were older than her parents. I picked my big gift first, tearing the paper from the large box to find a dog inside.

"He's a trained service dog, James." Sarah said as the yellow lab licked my face excitedly. "He's for helping you work through your PTSD and to be there when Steve and I can't be."

"Does he have a name?" I couldn't get him to settle long enough to read his tags.

"Lucky. Sam helped finish his training and has agreed to watch him when we all have to go on missions."   

 "I didn't think we could have pets in our building." I said, telling Lucky to sit. He did immediately, and I scratched behind his ears.

"Well, a pet, no. A registered service animal – that's another story. I talked to Mr Jones about it and he's agreed that Lucky can stay as long as he's not a nuisance to the other tenants. I talked to everyone else in the building and they've all agreed that a well trained, housebroken service animal is very different from a pet. Mrs Mounga's kids want you to know they'll help you take him for walks."

I laughed, thinking about the two boys on the floor below us. "I'm sure they will."

Steve opened his gift next, raising his eyebrows as he read the card that was in the box.

"What is it?" I asked, looking over his shoulder.

"A vacation, I think. Is this the one in Florida or California, doll?"

"Florida. Tell him, Steve." Sarah said, almost bouncing with excitement.

"We're going to Disney World in Florida, Buck! You, me, Sarah. Betty and Archie – you're on here too."

"I've always wanted to go there," Betty said, smiling at her husband. "Sarah, is this from you?"

She shook her head and smiled. "No, Tony and Pepper. I just made arrangements so we all got the time off. Your bosses both agreed to keep the secret for me until Christmas when I talked to them this fall."

"Well, that's very generous of Tony and Pepper," Archie said. "I suppose we've never had a family vacation with him, have we?"

"I think that's what he thought, too – especially now that they're engaged and I'll have two sets of parents."

"I'm guessing you put in for time off for us, too?" Steve asked, giving Sarah a kiss.

"Of course," she said, laughing. "Fury said wild horses couldn't drag him there and Maria agreed. I don't think they'd enjoy a theme park very much. Clint, Nat and Bruce are coming, too."

"What about Lucky?"   

"Of course he's coming with, James. I made arrangements for him, too. He can go some places because he's a service animal, but for others he'll be with a friend of mine who lives in Orlando."

Steve and I looked at each other and shook our heads in amazement. There was literally nothing this woman couldn't do!

Tony, Pepper, Bruce and Natalia showed up just as we finished opening gifts.

"Where's Clint?" I asked Natalia as I kissed her cheek in greeting while Tony and Pepper were talking to Sarah's parents and Bruce was talking to Sarah and Steve.

"He's at his brother Barney's house. Barney can't come home, so Clint thought he should be there for Christmas for his brother's wife, Laura, and their two kids. Laura's pregnant with their third child and Clint doesn't get to see his niece and nephew very much at the moment."

"Oh. Good for him. I didn't know he had a brother."

"He doesn't talk about him much; they don't get along well. Clint needed a couple days away after last weekend. What did you think of your gifts?"

"Lucky's great – he's for all of us, isn't he? Me, Steve, and Sarah."

"Yup. You've all got things to work through and Lucky's there to help you all. He's a really smart dog – he understands Russian, too."

"In case I lapse?" I asked.   

"Yes. I know you haven't in a while, but just in case."

I looked over at Lucky, who was dancing around the room excitedly, sniffing everyone. "<Sit, dog.>" I said, surprised to see him promptly sit and look at me expectantly.

Sarah was the closest to him, so she patted his head while she smiled at me. "<Good boy, Lucky. Why don't you go get dressed, James? We're expected at Jace's soon.>"

I saluted her jauntily and turned to go upstairs and get ready for the day.

 

*       *

I smiled at Steve as his fingers tapped his leg in a staccato rhythm, kicking him again under the table when it annoyed me. "Calm down already, punk. You don't have nothin' to worry about." I said, leaning in close to him and slinging my arm around his neck. "So quit stressing, Stevie."

"Easy for you to say, jerk," Steve said with a sigh. "You were the one who always had a way with words."

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started. I don't know who said that, but it's true."

"Mark Twain, I think."

Trust Steve to remember something like that. "Doesn't matter. Ask you to face over whelming odds - no problem. Need to say a few words to the girl he loves - cowering in terror. That's my Stevie." I patted him on the back roughly and grinned at his exasperated expression.

"You know, Buck, we've been friends for so long I don't remember which one of us is the bad influence, but I'm pretty sure it's you."

I snorted, taking my arm from around him and elbowing him. "Quit stalling and say your piece, Romeo."

I nudged Natalia surreptitiously with my foot, our signal for her to get ready. She'd threatened bodily harm if I didn't give her enough time to get Steve's proposal on video. Actually, now that I thought about it, it wasn't so much of a threat but more of a promise. Either way, it was just easier to comply with her than try to avoid retribution.

"Okay, I'll do it already." Steve got to his feet, holding his wine glass in his hand, a slight flush on his face.

 

*           *               *

Steve's POV

I raised my glass for a toast and everyone looked at me expectantly. "Roger, Jessica, Betty and Archie - I'd like to thank you and your families so much for letting me and Bucky into your lives. There aren't words enough to express exactly how much it means a lot to us. To family," I said as we clinked glasses and drank.

I set my glass down, waited until everyone was finished, and then spoke again. "I have something else I'd like to say while I have everyone's attention, if you don't mind." Heads nodded in encouragement and I glanced over to see Bucky giving me a thumbs up.

"The whole reason we're here today is all thanks to Sarah. Who'd have thought that a new neighbor would bring so much change to my life in such a short amount of time? I thank God every day that he put you in my path - and that I dropped my keys at exactly the right time. Granted, I probably would've met you eventually even if you hadn't tripped over me, Sarah, but it would've taken longer."

Many chuckles were heard around the table. "Well, you certainly got my attention, Steve," Sarah said with a grin.

"Since that day, you have never once ceased to amaze me. You've taught me so much about what it feels like to live again." I smiled at her, seeing her eyes starting to shine. "The fog I'd been in lifted and it was suddenly clear that the real reason I was frozen for so long was because I was waiting for you. Now I know this is where I'm meant to be. Someone wise once told me that I'd regret the chances I didn't take," my lips quirked as her eyes widened, "and I'd be lying if I said that I could live this life without you. I love you, Sarah Maria Stark Evans." My use of phrases Bucky always said to Sarah was deliberate, and I heard his quiet intake as he realized how I'd worked him into what was 'our' proposal.

I pulled the ring box from my pocket and opened it as I knelt, taking her delicate hand in mine. "You're already my best girl; would you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?" She nodded, struggling to find her voice, her free hand flying to her neck.

"Yes," she managed to say as I slid the ring onto her finger. I stood up, pulling her into my arms and kissing her, laughing when I heard the twins saying 'gross!' and 'ewww!' while everyone else applauded and cheered.

Bucky stood up and put his arms around Sarah, kissing her on the cheek and then pulling me into a hug, grinning from ear to ear as Natasha tugged Sarah away from us.

"Hell, I'd even say yes to you after a speech like that!" he said, smiling that crooked grin I knew so well. "You did good, Stevie."

"I can't believe she said yes," I said, lowering my voice so only he could hear me. "To a life with both of us." His grin only widened, but I didn't hear what he said because everyone else wanted my attention as well, but knowing Bucky, I'm sure it was something along the lines of 'better you than me.'

"Who knew you were such a romantic?" Natasha said, pulling me away from Bucky and hugging me. "I got it all on video."

"For next year's scrapbook?" I asked teasingly. I still wasn't quite sure what I thought about her ability to acquire photos of us from everywhere, but the sentiment was nice.

"Or your wedding video."

"I think this is one of the best moments of my life, next to getting Bucky back."

"The best is yet to come. This is only the beginning, you know."

I kissed her cheek and let her go. "I hope so, Nat." I felt a sharp pain in my leg and looked down to see the twins standing there looking sulky.

"Why the long faces, boys?"

"We're not babies! We know what weddings mean, Steve," Jamie said.

"It means we have to dress nice," Grant continued. "In fancy suits."

"And carry the ring," Jamie piped in.

"And be nice to the flower girl!" Grant whined.

"And dance with her, don't forget that," Jace said teasingly as he came over. "Both of you this time."

"Yuck! You owe us big, Steve." Grant said, his blue eyes glaring at me. "Don't you know girls got cooties?"

"Did you know Iron Man and the rest of the Avengers will be there?" Jace said, redirecting them expertly.

"For real?" Grant asked.

"No way!" Jamie squealed. "That's awesome!"

"Yes, for real. You see the man with the dark hair and goatee over there, Tony Stark?" I said, impolitely pointing him out to them.

"What about him?"

"He's Iron Man," I said and was instantly abandoned by them to have them go clamor at Tony. I smiled unrepentantly as Pepper laughed at their antics.

"Welcome to the family, Steve," Jace said, pulling me into a hug. "Sarah's pretty much my sister, so along with her you get all of us, too."

"Huh," I said in surprise. "I never looked at it quite like that, I guess. I've been on my own since I was 18 when my Ma died. I don't know how a family works anymore."

"That's what you've got Sarah for," he said as he clapped me on the back and let go. "And me."


	33. Moving Day

James' POV

I looked around the empty rooms, not ready to leave our apartment for the last time ever. It'd been my home since I'd returned to the States – the first home I'd had since before the war.

It was my fault we had to leave it; I was still being actively hunted by Hydra, and they didn't exactly take my defection well. I'd noticed strangers watching our building just after Christmas, so when I'd mentioned it to Steve, we knew we needed to move somewhere with better security because if they were watching me, they were watching Steve and our fiancée.

If Hydra knew she was important to me, they'd stop at nothing to get their hands on her. If they had her, they could get me to do anything, even surrender myself to them - and I'd do it to keep her safe. Not because she wasn't capable of kicking some serious ass on her own – she was – but because I didn't want her to go through the kinds of torture they used on people like us – genetically enhanced super-soldiers.

"Hey James," Sarah said a second before putting her arms around me from behind. I shifted to bring her to my side, putting my arm around her.

"Hey doll," I replied, looking down into her golden brown eyes and seeing concern on her face.

"Everything's loaded. Are you ready to go?"

"No – I don't wanna go." And I didn't, because it meant I'd probably never be back here again with all the good memories that we'd made here together.

"I know how you feel, James, but home isn't really a place, it's with the people we love. I don't care where we live as long as I have you and Steve." She leaned into me, resting her head on my chest and one hand on my heart. "We could live on the helicarrier. You haven't seen it yet."

I ignored her attempt to cheer me up, another question on my mind. "What if I forget again and think this is still home?"

"It always take a while to remember things like that. Ten bucks says one of us forgets at least once over the next week and drives here first instead of Tony's."

I snorted and reached down to kiss the top of her head. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Not have to share Steve?"

"You got me there, doll. I loved him first."

She snorted and leaned up on tiptoe to kiss me gently, her soft lips tasting of hot chocolate and peppermint. "Even if you did have a 90 year head start, babe, doesn't count. I met him first in this time."

"Are you two having this argument again? I thought we were done with that?" Steve grumbled, coming in to find us.

"Nope, never. I'm very competitive," Sarah smirked.

"Yeah, we know, doll," Steve laughed as he put his muscular arms around both of us, hugging us tight for a long moment.

I glanced up at him, meeting his eyes. He wasn't looking forward to this move, either, I realized. Finally, he kissed my cheek and the top of Sarah's head before letting us go to take one last look around to make sure we hadn't missed anything.

"You want competitive? Bring it on, princess," I said, tossing her over my shoulder and heading for the door. "First one to bed tonight gets to be in control."

"Ohh, you fight dirty, Barnes!" She beat on my back ineffectively and I had a solid grip on her legs so she couldn't kick me – again. "Put me down already; I have to check my place yet."

"Not on your own, you're not," I stated firmly. "Steve, you coming?"

"Yeah. Looks like we got everything from this place."

"Seriously, James, put me down," Sarah said, her suddenly breathy voice alarming me. "Your shoulder's hurting me. It doesn't give like your other one."

"Sorry, doll," I said, setting her down instantly. "I'm so sorry." She stayed slightly hunched, her face paler than I expected and she held one hand over her abdomen. "You okay? I didn't think about how that would feel."

How could I have forgotten already that she wasn't okay? It was my fault; I should've thought about it; I knew better than to act like everything was normal yet. I knew she still hadn't completely recovered, but she wasn't going to let that slow her down.

She took a couple of deeper breaths and slowly straightened up, meeting my eyes. "I'll be okay. The plating moved funny or something - just really hurt."

"Sarah, what's wrong?" Steve said, coming up to us. He hadn't been close enough to hear our quiet exchange. "Should I call Bruce?"

"I'm okay now, Steve. Just moved wrong and it hurt for bit. Stupid body not doing what it's supposed to," she grumbled, making me smile. I kissed her temple gently, taking her hand in mine.

"Why don't you two head down and I'll finish checking the rooms?" Steve suggested – ordered really.

 

* * *

Sarah's POV

"Thanks for helping out today, Jake. I'm going to miss seeing you and Kate all the time," I said with a sigh. "No more morning runs with her."

The large blonde man smiled and put the vehicle in drive, merging into traffic. "No problem, Sarah. I didn't have anything planned for today and I really didn't want to go hang out with Amy's friends again this weekend."

"You don't like them?"  I asked, watching his expressions. It felt good to have a normalish conversation with someone again that wouldn't end with me crying.

"Not really. They're all barely 21 – all they want to do is go to clubs and drink."

"I see. You're such an old man already and you're only 25," I teased.

"27," he corrected. "I'm like ten years older than you, Evans."

"I can still kick your butt, McCartney," I said, pointing a finger at him. "Even in my current less than stellar condition."

"Yes, you can – and then Steve and James will beat the snot out of me for distressing you. So when's the wedding going to be?" he said, catching my hand and glancing at the engagement ring I was wearing before letting go. "And which one are you marrying?"

"How much do you know about our relationship?"

"More than the rest of Sigma since I actually live across from you. You're the only polygamous couple that I know of that isn't Mormon." He waggled his eyebrows at me. "Are you going to have brother husbands?"

I laughed at his question. "Technically, I'm engaged to Steve," I said, raising an eyebrow. "James supposedly died in 1945 and even if we did inform the government he's still alive, he justifiably refuses to have his name on any public record like a marriage license."

"So have you set a date?"

"No, and we probably won't for a while – like at least a year, maybe longer; I'm not really in any hurry. Why - you planning on giving Amy a ring too?" I teased. "Don't want to have conflicting dates?"

Jake shook his head vehemently. "Not happening! She's fine as a girlfriend, but I don't think she's wife material. Not yet, at least. My mom hates her."

I barely managed to refrain from giving him my opinion on the bimbo, as I thought of her, biting my tongue hard. "Interesting. Why waste time dating her if you aren't planning on a future with her?"

"She's hot," he shrugged, making me roll my eyes at him. "And she's lasted the longest of the civvies I've dated, but she's been hinting I'm away too much – especially since Sigma's been so busy."

"So it doesn't have anything to do with the porn-star moans I hear coming from your place?" I laughed as he flushed, knowing I'd hit the nail on the head. "It does!"

"So she's good in bed – sue me. It's not like you're that quiet either, Evans."

"Fuck you, McCartney. That's a great reason to keep her around." I laid on the sarcasm heavily and rolled my eyes.

"What?!"

"You could do better, you know," I said seriously. He shot me a look and I raised my hands and sighed, looking out the window at the traffic. "All right! Change of subject – you already know my opinion of her."

"Kind of hard to miss. She really, _really_ doesn't like you either – or James."

I shrugged. "Not exactly a surprise, Jake. I may have _slightly_ threatened her a little bit if she ever hit on Steve again."

"Really?" He glanced at me quickly before looking back at the road.

I decided to actually change the subject before I said something I shouldn't. "So I wish I could go with you guys next week but I won't be cleared for active duty for at least a month yet if Fury has his way."

"Back up there – what do you mean _if she hit on Steve again?"_

"Exactly what it sounds like. Would you like a reenactment because I can assure you I have an excellent memory." I raised my voice to a falsetto. "Oh Steve, you're just such a nice guy. Thanks so much for carrying me up the stairs – I can't believe how much a turned ankle hurts!" I leaned over and petted him like she did Steve as I talked. "Gosh, you're _so_ strong!" I gagged and let my voice return to normal. "I can't do anymore or I'm going to puke."

"Enough – I get the point. You're not exaggerating?"

I glared at him, crossing my arms. "I'm insulted, McCartney. That was making it less gag-worthy. Ask James if you want to know more. That's the kind of thing that should come from another guy, not me. Sam met her once and said to tell you to check your shaving cream, whatever that means. Is that some kind of guy to guy message? He wouldn't tell me."

"Something like that," he said roughly and I could tell how angry he was. "I mean it doesn't surprise me, but that touchy-feely shit pisses me off. Why didn't you say anything sooner? That was over a month ago she said Steve helped her upstairs because she hurt her ankle."

"You seemed like you were happy with her," I shrugged. "I like working with you, Jake – and I didn't want it to affect the team dynamic. Steve, well, he's pretty oblivious," Jake snorted, knowing that just as well as I did. "Would you have believed me if I'd just said 'hey, we need to talk – your girl's hitting on my man' or would you have just started avoiding me?"   

"You make a good point, Evans." He exhaled loudly. "Maybe I just thought if I didn't see it, she was getting better about not flirting with other guys anymore, but if she's flirting with Steve, she's flirting with other guys, too."   

"No comment," I said. "You know her better than I do."   

"You've given me something to think about. Back to next subject now. Yes, Fury will get his way on your clearance for duty – with good cause. I have it on very good authority your heart stopped, Evans. How the fuck did you manage that?" His jade green eyes met mine, one eyebrow raised.

"It did stop briefly. Wasn't very fun – I don't advise trying it. Makes breathing hard." I rubbed my hand over my chest, remembering how bad that many cracked ribs had hurt.

"Wasn't going to! So what really happened? There were a lot of rumors going around, so they gave us some BS about a mission gone wrong, but I _know_ you all were here. I'd just got in from the clubs and then I watched Steve carrying you down the stairs that night."

I sighed and leaned my head back on the headrest. "You want the official version first or the actual version?"

"Actual. I've already heard the official version."

"I'm only telling you because you've been cleared to know this by Hill, comprende?" I waited until he nodded to continue. I watched his expressions closely, not sure how well he was going to take this news. Jake was my second in command, and I trusted him, so I'd told Maria he had a right to know why I was out of action for so long. She'd agreed without much of an argument, to my surprise.

"I started to miscarry early in the morning on the 15th. Steve took me in and things went horribly wrong very fast and I started to hemorrhage badly."

I had to clear my throat before I could continue. Even now, it was hard to talk about it. Jake reached over and squeezed my hand reassuringly, his hands as large as Steve's.

"After that it gets a little fuzzy; Nat said blood was pooling on the floor under their feet and that's when I flatlined. She broke several ribs when she did compressions to restart my heart and Steve kept me breathing while the docs stopped the bleeding. I was dead for less than a minute."

His hand squeezed mine convulsively as he processed that, his face blank with shock. I pulled my hand back and wrapped my arms around my knees, shifting so I was facing him.

"Damn, Sarah! Hold up – so you were fucking _pregnant_ when we took that base out in Syria? You got a concussion, were thrown from a building hard enough to dent a fucking truck and shot twice." I nodded, wincing as I remembered how much that had hurt. "How far along were you? Did you know you were -"

I cut him off. "I didn't know I was until I lost it, so I was a month or so along in Syria, maybe a little more. That's why it took me so long to heal from those bruises."

"I've seen how fast you heal – how was it even possible for you to bleed like that?"

"I had a form of blood poisoning. Bruce run some tests, and it turned out that the baby's blood and mine were extremely incompatible and it was slowly eliminating my ability to heal; if I'd carried it much longer, I wouldn't be here."

He stared straight ahead for a minute, just processing. "So it wasn't Steve's because I heard how you saved him back when that bomb almost killed him, giving him your blood."

I shook my head slowly. "I can't say anything more, Jake. It's really important that you only repeat the official version."

"I understand. Does James know?"

"They both do, but as far as everyone is concerned, it was Steve's."

"Hydra would want you even more than they do now if they ever learned about your involvement with James, wouldn't they?" Jake said after a moment - I knew he'd see the big picture. "Which is why you have to move – this isn't just because Tony wants the team living together."

"From what I've decrypted recently, yeah. They want the three of us pretty bad, but as part of my protection detail, you're in the line of fire. Plus, they'll come after you just because you're part of Sigma. They've got capture orders out on the whole team now so I guess we've been doing a good job."

"Let them try. This won't be the only time they've been after me. So tell me something, Sarah."

"Something, Sarah," I parroted with a giggle.

Jake rolled his eyes at me. "Ha, ha. But seriously, why'd you pick me for Sigma?"

"You remember the training exercises I did with Strike before making the roster for Sigma?"

"Yeah. They were pretty intense. I wasn't great at all of them though - there were other guys who did better."

"I'm a pretty good judge of character, so a lot of those exercises were just so I could see how individuals and teams worked together. I needed to gauge your personalities under stress and see how well you worked with me and Natasha."

"And?"

"You were willing to take orders from both of us without balking or trying to take command of a situation Nat or I had under control. Not all the Strikers work well with women, Jake."

"I had noticed, I guess. So it wasn't all just based off of ability."

"Nope, and I must say Sigma works very well as a team. The rest of the Avengers have commented on that when they join our squad for missions."

"I didn't know that. I just thought the rest of the Strike teams were busy so we'd get sent with whichever Avenger needed a team."

"That's what you're supposed to think. It's not that I don't trust the Strike teams, I just prefer to not work with certain individuals."

"Like Rumlow? I've noticed you avoid him like the plague."

"Yup. He's not your BFF either, is he?"

Jake snorted as we turned into Tony's drive. "Your age is showing, Evans. BFF? Really?"

"Maybe a little. I'm like the annoying little sister you've never wanted."

"Yeah, you are. I'm not sure if I should feel more sorry for Steve or James."

I laughed. "Both. Steve's had to put up with an awful lot of crap from me, you know. Guy's only been thawed for like a month or so and I show up looking like his old flame? James only has memory issues."

" _Only_. Sure, kid. So I take it that 99% of our conversation was need to know only and I'm not to repeat it to anyone?"

"Yup. You understand me so well," I laughed, patting his arm.

"Is this why you rode with me?"

I nodded. "Partly - and Steve and James needed to have some alone time. James is a little upset about the whole moving thing. Those apartments were his first real home since he left for WWII."

"I could tell. He seemed kind of bummed about it, you know."

"He asked Fury if he could stay there by himself as bait."

"Fury said no?" Jake asked, parking next the other SUV and meeting my eyes.

I nodded slowly. "Hill and the whole team said no; you know what losing him again would do to Steve."

"I remember what Steve was like before you two came along. He wasn't doing well, dealing with everything – that was a lot of change to come to terms with."

"Believe me, I know," I sighed. He's come a long way from the man I first met six months ago."

 

*     *     *

Steve's POV

It didn't take very long to get everything unpacked. Since the furniture had all been provided with our leases, we'd only had our clothes and personal items. Tony's movers had taken care of the boxes in short order, we'd just had to bring whatever we didn't want to send with the movers.

I'd taken my record player and boxes of vinyl with me, afraid they'd get damaged in the cold weather and jolting truck. Bucky brought his weapons, his box of journals and a backpack that contained his old Winter Soldier uniform.  He didn't trust anyone else with those things.

Bucky was sitting on my bed, watching me put my things where I wanted them and flipping a knife casually. It hadn't taken him very long to unpack his clothes and weapons. "This is weird, Stevie. I have my own room that's almost as big as our whole apartment was."

"I know," I said, looking over at him. "It'll take some getting used to, Buck. But that doesn't really change anything. We're still sleeping in Sarah's room like usual." Her large king bed had been set up earlier today by the movers, so at least something was the same.

"Good. Because there's no way in hell I'm letting her sleep alone. I don't care how much security Tony has."

"Bruce, Clint and Natasha are all here, too; they moved in last week already. And don't forget about Jarvis; he's available all the time."

"Not if the power goes out, he's not," Bucky said matter-of-factly.

 _There are several back up generators in the event of a power outage, Mr Barnes,_ Jarvis said quietly.

Bucky started at the sound of Jarvis' voice coming from the speaking in the ceiling. "Call me James, Jarvis. And that's good to know, but you still require power to run, and power can be shut down. Do you have to reboot when the generators come on?"

_No, my system is designed to handle the switchover seamlessly. I would be down for less than 30 seconds in the event of an outage before the generators took the load. Any outage immediately brings up a notification at the security company, Mr Stark's phone and Ms Pott's phone._

"How much less than 30 seconds?" Bucky demanded, and I could see where he was going with this. He'd spent almost 65 years as a Hydra assassin, so he knew how they'd think and what they'd do to try and disable the security system. "How long did it take the security company to respond?"

_It took 20 seconds during the last ice storm two weeks ago. Mr Stark was present then, so he talked to the security company directly and told them they did not need to respond. The time before that, 15 seconds when Mr Stark overloaded the circuits._

"Thanks, Jarvis."

 _You're welcome, James_.

"So Tony basically invited the whole team and me to come live with him so Sarah would agree to move in?" Bucky asked, giving me a look.

I nodded. "He'd asked her before, but she hadn't wanted to be so far away from us, remember?" Bucky gave me a blank look, so I assumed he didn't. His memory was still sketchy at times from the reset. "This way the team's already in one place if she needs them. She can't protect herself as well as she usually could right now - not until her serum levels are back to normal."

"That's what I'm the most worried about, Stevie. If she get's hurt, she won't heal fast enough."

I sat down on the bed beside him and pulled him into my arms; I needed him as much as he needed me. I held him as tight as I could and he squeezed back just as hard.

"Don't talk like that, Bucky. Everything's going to be okay. Bruce said in two more weeks she should be almost back to normal again. Her body had a lot of healing to do before it could concern itself with serum levels."

"I wish you could just give her blood and she'd be okay again."

"I do too, Buck. Bruce said that wouldn't work until her levels are better or my serum would overwhelm hers. I guess they aren't exactly the same."

He sighed and kissed my cheek, relaxing his arms and rubbing them up and down my back. "If Hydra comes for us and you have to choose between me and her, you better pick her."

I pulled back in horror. "Buck-"

He shook his head and put both hands on my shoulders. "You listen, Steve; I mean it! I can get by on my own."

"The thing is, you don't have to," I said, repeating what he'd told me all those years ago when I'd said that very same thing to him. A knot in my throat threated to choke me as I remembered that day like it was yesterday. "That's why the team and Sigma are here."

"Promise me, Stevie. I need to hear you promise you'll do everything you can to save her."

I met his cerulean eyes and saw the determination there. He knew what he was asking of me. If I could only save one of them for whatever reason, he wanted me to save her first. I knew he loved Sarah - maybe even more than I did - so if this would give him peace of mind, it was worth it. It didn't mean I had to like it, but I'd do what he asked.

"I promise," I said roughly. "I won't let anything happen to either of you, but if something does, I'll move heaven and earth to save her first."

"Good," he nodded and crushed me to him.

My lips found his and there was a desperation in this kiss that wrenched my heart. If Bucky honestly thought that they were coming for him and I'd let them take either one of them, he'd better think again. I loved them both, and while I knew he was right in asking me to save her, I honestly wasn't sure I could handle losing him again.

 

*    *          *

James' POV

I finally got Stevie to promise me that he'd save Sarah if he could only save one of us. I don't know why I needed to hear him say it so badly, but I did. We were gasping for breath by the time I broke the kiss, and I just let him hold me for a while, my fingers playing with his short blond hair.

"Finish putting your stuff away, punk. I'll still be here when you're done," I said finally when his heart rate slowed.

"You better be, jerk."

I kissed him once more before pushing him away. "The faster you get done, the faster we can check on Sarah."

"I can't believe she told us not to come back until we're settled in," Steve grumbled, a petulant expression on his handsome face.

I snorted and went back to flipping my knife. "I can. It's a big change for her, too."

"She looked like she was ready to cry."

"Natalia said that we're smothering her and we needed to give her some space."

"She's Natasha now, Buck, remember?" he said, giving me a look. "I know she asked you to start calling her Natasha. You could even call her Tasha - she'd probably let you."

I snorted at the thought of Natalia going by a nickname like Tasha. She had changed much to allow such familiarity. "Then you should try to call me James, Steve," I said seriously. "I'm not Bucky anymore; whoever he was is long gone and you've got me instead."

Steve stopped what he was doing and slowly walked back over to me. "You're more like Bucky now than when you first came back to the States, you know. You've never been James to me. That was only what your folks called you when you were in trouble when we were kids. The first thing you ever said to me was, 'Hi, I'm Bucky. We should be friends,' as you were pulling me to my feet after I got beat up."

"I did not."

"Did too – God's honest truth! I was in 1st grade and you were in 2nd." Steve gave me a grin. "You told me I needed to learn how to punch if I was going to take on the bullies."

"I let you fight when you were that little twig?" I asked incredulously, trying to wrap my head around that.

Steve snorted and shook his head. "More like you ended up finishing my fights and dragging me home to patch me up for the next 12 years – right until you had to ship out."

I froze as I remembered pulling someone off Steve in an alley somewhere and punching him. Faced with someone he couldn't beat up, he'd taken off fast.

"You okay, Buck?"

"Just a memory. I was in an outfit like that one Sarah made me wear for Halloween."

"Your last day in Brooklyn, then."

I glared at Steve, not ready to be sidetracked. "That guy was twice your size – what the hell were you thinking, Stevie?"

"Someone needed to teach him a lesson. I had him on the ropes."

"Sometimes I think you like getting punched," I said, shaking my head. I wasn't prepared for Steve to grab me and hug me as hard as he did, like he was going to lose me if he let me go. "Stevie? What's wrong?"

"Buck... you remember?"

I shook my head. "Kinda, but parts are missing, I think."

 

*           *         *  

Sarah's POV

"Jarvis, update on Steve and James?"

_They are talking about things that happened when they were younger. Captain Rogers seems to be relieved Sargent Barnes is remembering more from the past._

"Good. Did they seem upset to be here?"

_Sargent Barnes required a detailed explanation about my system in the event of a power outage. He believes there is a valid threat to you, Sarah._

"Nothing I can do about that right now. Hydra will try to come for him again, J."

_Mr Stark is in agreement with you. He also believes Hydra will attempt to take you if the opportunity presents itself. I have calculated the odds of that happening based off recent activity._

"And what did you come up with?" I asked when Jarvis hesitated. He still didn't like to tell me bad news.

_There is a 87% chance of an attempt within the next week had you remained at your previous residence. Given the extra security measures in place currently, I calculate a 34% chance of an attempt here within the next month._

I sighed. I knew Jarvis wasn't human, but he seemed to be concerned about my safety as well. "How many cameras are in my room?"

_Three in this room, one in the bathroom, and two in the hallway._

"Turn all of them off unless you believe me to be in distress."

_Mr Stark will not like that. He is most concerned about your safety._

"I don't like being filmed all the time. Other than my dad, who has access to my cameras?"

_The Avengers, Sargent Barnes, Ms Potts, and your on duty guards._

I grimaced, knowing I wouldn't be able to avoid surveillance. "Okay, compromise time. You may show me entering and leaving my room with periodic verbal updates to Tony or my guards if they request them. Cameras stay off if I am changing, undressed or with either Steve or James."

 _Cameras go on if the grounds are breached in any way._ Jarvis countered and I would have laughed at the thought of negotiating with an AI system if I didn't know Jarvis was being entirely serious.

"Allowed. If any unknown parties enter the grounds or house, cameras may go live regardless of what I'm doing; however, a courtesy warning to me would be appreciated. Is that acceptable to you, Jarvis?"

_I shall forward your requests to Mr Stark, Sarah. I'm sure he will wish to speak with you._

"Where is he? I might as well get this taken care of right now."

_Mr Stark is in his lab._

"Thanks, J."

I headed for the lab, hoping to find Tony sober because otherwise it was pointless to reason with him. I detoured to the kitchen to find out what was going to be for supper. The best thing about living with Tony - he had an excellent chef. Whatever it was, it certainly smelled good.

"Hey Marco – whatcha making?" I said as I smiled at the ebullient Italian.

"Miss Sarah!" He pulled me into a hug, falling into rapid Italian. "It is good to see you again. It is to be a surprise!"

"I smell cookies – did you make them just for me?" I replied, content to speak his native tongue with him.

"Of course. When I heard that you were coming today I knew I must make some for you using your mama's recipe."

I took a couple from the plate and took a bite of one, humming with pleasure. "Just perfect, Marco. You are the best!"

"Take a few more - you are much too skinny, signorina!" He offered the plate to me again and I took a few more. I wasn't exaggerating how good these cookies were.

"I will, but only because I'm sure Tony hasn't had any yet."

"Mr Stark, he has not." He waggled his bushy eyebrows at me. "Maybe now you are here he will come and eat more regularly, yes?"

"I'll try, Marco. See you later."

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge on my way out and headed to the lab.

 

*     *        *

Steve's POV

_Captain Rogers, Miss Evans is on her way to Mr Stark's lab to discuss her security measures._

"Thanks, Jarvis. I take it she wasn't pleased with the set up?" I stopped what I was doing and headed for the door, looking back to see that Bucky was still sitting on the bed.

_Not particularly._

"Come on, Buck. I told Tony we'd back him up when Sarah found out about her security details."

He stood up and came over to me as I opened the door to the hallway. "You think she'd talk him around?"

"Yup. She's got him wrapped around her finger most of the time."

Bucky moved to my right side automatically, putting the knife he'd been toying with away. "I don't think he'd budge on her safety. He _did_ talk her into staying at the hospital longer." We walked quickly to Tony's lab, hoping to beat Sarah there.

"True, but Dr Blake also had direct orders from Fury to not release her until she was in the clear. Heads up, Stark," I said, stepping over Lucky and shaking Tony awake. He'd fallen asleep at his computer again, Lucky napping at his feet. "Sarah's on her way to discuss her security."

Tony rubbed his eyes and sat back in his chair, yawning widely. "What time is it?"

"A little after 4. We got here a couple hours ago."

I watched as Lucky saw Bucky and immediately jumped up on him, trying to lick his face. Bucky said a word in Russian and Lucky sat, tail wagging expectantly. I smiled as Bucky gave him attention, scratching behind his ears and murmuring to the dog. Lucky hadn't liked all the commotion, so we'd brought him over to Tony's earlier today so he could check the place out.

"Jarvis, how long have I been sleeping?" Tony asked, stretching his back.

_Three hours and 12 minutes, sir. May I point out that it was most needed? You were at 56 hours without sleep to that point._

"Tony, _why_ haven't you been sleeping?" Steve asked, pinning the inventor with a stern look.

"I can't. Every time I close my eyes, some new horror comes to mind." He absently stroked Lucky as the dog abruptly insinuated his face in Tony's lap. He was a very smart dog who seemed to know when someone needed comforting. He'd adopted the whole team quickly, much to Sarah's amusement.

"What are you guys up to?" Sarah said as she walked in. She handed us all chocolate chip cookies and leaned down to pet Lucky, laughing as he licked at her hands, cleaning off the crumbs. "Sorry boy, none for you." She turned to give Bucky a look. "No, chocolate is bad for dogs, James – don't give him any of your cookie! Lucky has special dog treats if you want to give him something."

Tony smiled and reached in his desk, pulling out a bag of them and handing them to Bucky. "Pepper bought an assortment, but he seems to like these ones. What's on your mind, kitten?"

"Papi – why on earth are there so many cameras in my room?"

"So I can keep an eye on you."

"I'm 18, Papi – not 2! I won't have every move I make filmed like I'm a criminal in prison."

"Kitten, it's not like _that_ ," Tony protested.

"Do you have cameras in your room?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yes."

"Are they turned on all the time?"

He hesitated, so she asked Jarvis instead. "Jarvis, are the cameras in Tony's bedroom filming constantly?"

_No, they are currently set to capture him entering and exiting his room and will turn on if he is in distress._

"How do you know when he's in distress?" I asked Jarvis curiously, looking at Tony.

_I constantly monitor Mr Stark's vitals, including pulse and respiration rate._

"Wouldn't that be sufficient for me as well, Papi?" Sarah said, crossing her arms.

"Jarvis, would you be able to monitor Sarah's vitals?" I asked.

_Affirmative. I can monitor everyone in the house, including the canine._

"Stark, what are vitals and how can your house take my pulse?" Bucky asked, staring at Tony.

 

*        *            *

James' POV

This was the strangest conversation I'd ever had, considering I was talking to a bodiless robot. If I'd thought the future was weird before, this took the cake. Stark tapped a flat computer and handed it to me. I reached for it with my human hand, aware that it probably wasn't meant for use with my cybernetic arm.

I tuned out the rest of the conversation while I studied the screen. At the top was my name and a list of numbers. Some I knew, like my height, weight, and body fat percentage. My pulse was a number that was changing slightly and this other number must be my breathing rate. I didn't know what the other numbers meant or the abbreviations beside them, but I'm sure they were important somehow.

"Jarvis, can you explain this to me later?" I said, handing back the computer.

_Of course, James._

"So other than your bedroom, you're okay with being monitored anywhere else in the house?" Stark was asking Sarah.

She nodded. "I'm okay with the rest, just not in my bedroom. If it were Pepper in my place, would you want guards to be able to see her changing or watch you having sex regardless of how much you trust them?"

"No, I wouldn't," Tony admitted, a tic in his jaw catching my attention. "I didn't think about that part, kitten. I just wanted to be sure you were safe at all times."

"I know, Papi, but I'm an adult, not a little kid."

"All right, all right. I'll reset the parameters for your bedroom – but only yours. All exterior cameras will remain functional. You two, though," Tony pointed at me and Steve, "you still have to keep your cameras on since your rooms are adjacent to hers. If Hydra wants you as bad as we think they do, Barnes, I don't want to have a delay in the footage. You're their first priority because they think they can get you under control again."

"All they have to do is say the words," I said, nodding, putting my hand on Steve's arm when he would have protested.

"And for the record, Barnes - if you ever hurt my daughter again I'll kill you myself. You're damn lucky she loves you or I'd have killed you already for knocking her up."

"I expect no less than death for causing her to suffer," I said. She'd forgiven me, but I hadn't forgotten how I'd felt to hear that she'd almost died because of me.

"Papi, it would have hurt me more if you killed James," Sarah said, poking Tony in the chest with her index finger. "Stop threatening him."

"That's the only reason he's still alive, kitten," Tony said. "I won't hesitate to shut you down if you go after my daughter."

"I know you won't, Stark." Tony was many things but careless with Sarah's life wasn't one of them. "Steve – I want you to promise to reset me if I go after Sarah. _I don't care_ if it makes me lose my memory again; I just don't want to hurt her."

Steve put his hand on my shoulder, meeting my eyes. "Bucky, I can handle you. If I knock you out, it should stop you."

I shook my head. "Physically, yes, but the Soldier'll still be in control of my mind. If you're knocking me out, you better have a way to neutralize me until I can get the Soldier out of my head. Promise me, Steve."

He pulled me into a hug, whispering in my ear. "This is the second promise you've asked for today, Bucky. Do you know something we don't?"

I shook my head, matching his tones. "No, just call it a gut feeling. Something bad is coming, I don't know when, but I know it's coming."

"I don't like it, Buck, but for her, I'll promise," Steve said, letting go of me. I turned to look at Sarah, who was watching us with a concerned expression.

"Sarah, the same goes for you. Promise me you'll reset me if I come after you - especially if it's before your serum levels are where they're supposed to be."

She put her arms around me, talking quietly. "James, are you sure about this? If we reset you, you won't know us anymore." Her anguished eyes met mine. "What if the reset _doesn't work_ this time? What if it was a one-time thing?"

"I'm sure – and it's not a one-time trick. That word has been hardwired into my brain for so long, I think it'll always work." I kissed her forehead gently before meeting her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you again, doll - not in a million years. If I go back to calling you Peggy again, at least now I have pictures, those videos we made, and my journals to help me remember myself again. Promise me, Sarah." I touched her face lightly, wiping away the tears that had spilled over her cheeks.

"I promise, James," she said, and I pulled her tight to me, stroking her hair and back until she calmed down again. Lucky rubbed himself against our legs, whining quietly because he was sensing our distress.

"Good, because if you wouldn't, I was going to tell Jarvis to do it."

_James, while my protocols would allow me to say your  shutdown word under those particular circumstances, I must advise against that course. I don't believe I can accurately gauge your mannerisms and personality well enough yet to know when I should do it._

"Your protocols are to protect Stark and Sarah no matter what, right Jarvis?" I guessed. It would make sense for that to be his primary reason for existing.

_That is correct._

"If I'm trying to kill them or Steve, you will reset me. That's an order, Jarvis."

_Understood, James._

"Hopefully it never happens, but just in case, I want you all to know my wishes. I also want you to knock me out and put trackers in me so I don't know where they're at."

"I can do that," Tony said, perking up a bit at getting to knock me out in some way. "Jarvis, can you ask Bruce to come down here?"

_Right away, sir._

"I'm assuming the sooner the better, Tin Man?" I nodded and he gestured for me to sit on a lab table while Sarah grabbed a seat at a computer and started tapping away rapidly. "Capsicle, are you staying or going?"

"Going," Steve said, walking over to Sarah and giving her a kiss. "If I don't know where they're at, I can't tell him."

"Probably a good idea, babe. You still suck at lying, you know," Sarah said with a grin.

Steve shook his head at her and smiled. "We all can't be good at lying, doll. I'm going to check in with Sigma and make sure they've got their schedules figured out. There were some conflicts earlier with upcoming missions."

"Strike 1 and 2 will just have to take care of the missions," Sarah said without looking up. "Fury said Sigma is dedicated to being our babysitters for the time being. Take Lucky with you so we don't trip over him again."

"Come on, Lucky; let's go feed you." Lucky danced excitedly around Steve, having heard his favorite phrase.

Tony set a tray with some tools and various pieces of metal on the table before looking over at me. "How do you want us to do this?"

"You're going to have to keep me knocked out until they heal and I can't tell where they're at." The less I knew, the better. If Hydra made me comply, they could make me remove my trackers. "Can you put them someplace where I won't be able to remove them myself?"

"Not a problem," Tony replied with a grin, and I wondered what he had in mind. "Brucie! Guess what we get to do?"

"Jarvis said James wanted us to put some internal trackers in him, yes?"

"Yes," I said to the soft-spoken scientist. I got along better with Bruce than I did Tony, but that might have something to do with the fact that Sarah was Tony's only daughter.

"So do you heal as fast as Capsicle?" Tony asked me while Bruce washed his hands and put on gloves.

"Just about. I was created to be his equal in almost every way; Hydra has a sick sense of humor," I said mirthlessly.

"So for clarification, if Cap were to knock you out with - say a blow to the head - how long would you be out for?"

"Minutes," I replied. "Maybe 5 or 6 minutes tops, but I wouldn't even count on that long."

"Damn," Tony said.

"You really were made to be the perfect weapon, weren't you?" Bruce asked, setting down a filled syringe on the tray. "May I see your arm, James? It would be best to put this directly in a vein."

I snorted as I took off the long sleeved shirt I was wearing and set it aside, holding my right arm out to him. "They just couldn't seem to keep control of me without constantly sticking me in cryofreeze and wiping me."

"Too human to be an effective machine; too much programming to be just human," Bruce mused, selecting a spot and wiping it with an alcohol wipe.

"Yes; that's it exactly."

"May I inject this into you, James? It should knock you out for about an hour. It's something we developed to work on Steve, but it didn't fully knock him out. It was slightly more effective on Natasha."

I nodded. "Go ahead, Bruce. I trust you."

"Good, because I really didn't want to have to deal with the other guy today," Bruce replied calmly.

"Me either," I said, watching the tip of the needle slide under my skin. I tried not to tense, but I still did anyways. I'd learned that as long as Bruce didn't make any sudden movement towards me with syringes, I was generally okay with him taking my blood or giving me injections.

"You're putting trackers in Sarah, too?" I asked, looking at Tony.

Tony nodded. "Of course. They'll have to be replaced periodically because her body will break down the materials it's made of, but I'll be putting in at least one."

"Good. Fury denied my request to remain in the apartment while they moved here," I said.

"I talked Fury into agreeing with my plan instead," Sarah said, coming over to me.

The room was starting to spin and I focused on her as she pushed me back onto the table, her beautiful face the last thing I remembered seeing.

 

 *           *         *

Sarah's POV

I watched James' eyes close, giving him a moment to go completely under before rolling him over onto his stomach and pulling off his sweatpants so Tony and Bruce could put the trackers in. Tony gave me a look, but I ignored him; I wasn't straining myself.

I opened the access slot on James' arm and connected him to my computer to update his cybernetic arm and add in an updated tracking software that would activate a beacon if he was connected into Hydra's computer network. I'd hacked enough of their systems to know they wouldn't be able to detect my beacon. The only thing I couldn't anticipate was if they replaced his arm.

"Jarvis, block audio and stop recording on all lab cameras until James is awake again. No information on the physical location of James' trackers is to be revealed to James or anyone else outside of this room – you are to deny any and all knowledge of these proceedings."

"Also, don't update James Barnes' medical records," Bruce added.

_I do not understand._

"Jarvis, you understand how James' activation words work, right?"

_In theory, yes. It's very Jekyll and Hyde._

"It's more like me and the other guy," Bruce said. "If his trigger sequence is used, he becomes the Winter Soldier again and he can be made to tell Hydra the location of his trackers. If they capture James and remove them, we won't be able to find him."

"Bruce, will these show up on his scans?" I asked.

"Maybe an x-ray," Bruce said absently, making a small incision on James's butt cheek – one of the few places he wouldn't be likely to notice a tracker in. "Isn't there any place on his body that _isn't_ scarred in some way?"

"Not really - he doesn't remember where a lot of them came from yet, so please don't mention it to him; he's ashamed of them - even though we've told him scars don't change how we feel about him."

I looked up at Bruce, who nodded. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tony rubbing his hand over his chest where his arc-reactor was located, making a mental note to talk to him about it soon. James wasn't the only one who was a little self-conscious about his scars.

"Where are you going to put the other one?" I asked Bruce, going back to typing on the computer and finishing my command sequence.

"Under his shoulder blade, where it's less likely to be noticed. He already has a scar there that will hide my incision."

"Will these trackers show up on an x-ray, Papi?"

"Nope. They're made mostly of the kind of plastic that doesn't show up on anything other than a really good ultrasound. I'm not sure how fast his body will break them down, but Jarvis will tell me when he's no longer receiving signal from them. I based them off the receptors I developed for Mark 42."

I looked over at him to see his face. "You've tested them since then, right? Pepper told me they don't always work the greatest."

"Yes, kitten, I've tested them." I could almost hear his eyes rolling at my question. "Have you decided where you want your trackers?"

"Forearm and butt cheek. Forearm will be the easiest to replace when it fritzes – I give it two months before they need to be replaced."

"Guess we'll find out," Tony said with a twitch of his lips, his gaze moving past me.

"I'm almost done, Bruce. How about you?" I asked, glancing over at the scientist.

"He really does heal as fast as Steve. I almost can't tell where my first incision was anymore."

I smiled at the scientist's enthusiasm, rolling my eyes as it almost looked like he was massaging James' ass. "Bruce," I said louder, trying to get his attention. "Are you almost done?"

He jumped at the sound of my voice, cheeks flaming bright red as he noticed what he'd been doing.

"Not that I don't find it amusing watching you caress my fiancée's ass, Bruce, but he's not going to be out for much longer, you know." Tony almost fell off his chair laughing as he caught my remark. I shook my head and turned to Bruce, smiling slightly. "It would have been even funnier if _Tony_ would've been the one doing it; I know he's got a thing for James' arm."

"You have no idea," Bruce said with a smirk.

"And I'd like to keep it that way," I snarked, turning back to Tony. "If you're done laughing your ass off, Papi, want to give me my trackers? I can put the forearm one in myself."

Tony finally got control of himself, wiping tears from his eyes. "Come here, kitten. I can put yours in."

I eyed him suspiciously. "You sure? I'll slug you myself if you can't focus. I'm trying to keep my scars to a minimum at the moment so Steve and James don't flip out."

"I'm good now," he assured me, snickering as he picked up a scalpel. "That was the best thing I'd heard all week!"

_Sir, Thor has just arrived on the front lawn. Shall I inform Captain Rogers?_

"Yeah, go ahead, Jarvis. Capsicle can meet us outside. Tell the rest of the team to come to the common room, will you?" Tony looked back over at me apologetically as he set the tool down. "Sorry, kitten. I'll be back in a little bit, okay?"

"Go, Papi - Bruce can do it just fine. I'll find you when James wakes up; I don't want him to wake up alone in a strange place."

Tony nodded and walked quickly for the grounds. I looked over at Bruce, who was just finishing the second insertion. I picked up a clean scalpel and made a minute, ½ inch deep incision in my forearm near an older scar.

"I wonder why Thor's here?"

I picked up the tiny transmitter and shoved it under my skin, pushing it in and holding the incision together with my fingers until I was sure it had sealed properly. I frowned when it took longer than it should to stop bleeding and start healing. It was still weird to me, being mostly like a normal human right now - I can't say I cared for it.

"I don't know, but I'm sure he'll tell us," Bruce said, inspecting the second insertion site. "He hasn't been back for a while now."

"Interesting. It'll be nice to meet him; I've heard a lot about him from everyone."

"He's quite the character – definitely larger than life." Bruce set down his tools on the tray and cleaned the small amount of blood off of James' back and butt cheek. "I'm all done with James, Sarah."

I looked carefully as Bruce pulled his gloves off, making sure I couldn't tell where the incisions had been made. Bruce had done a good job of working them into James' existing scar tissue and he healed so quickly that if I hadn't seen it myself, I wouldn't know where they were at.

"Ready for me to do your other one?" Bruce asked, pulling a new set of gloves on.

I nodded, laying down on the other table and sliding my underwear and pants down just enough so he could do what he needed to. "Tony'll have kittens for real if we don't get it in today."

 

* * *

James' POV

My eyes opened slowly and I looked around before stirring. I was laying on the table and Sarah was sitting next to me, looking at a computer.

"All done poking me, doll?" I asked as I sat up and stretched.

"Something like that. We have company, if you're ready to go."

"What kind of company?" I asked, instantly concerned. She only smiled, standing up and coming over to me. I pulled her close, my hands on her shoulders.

"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder is here from Asgard. Steve, Tony and the others were going to meet him and take him to the common room."

"Is he the one with the hammer that Steve talks about sometimes?"

"Yup," she said, leaning forward to kiss me. "You taste like cookies," she murmured, wrapping her arms around me and deepening the kiss, pushing my legs open to stand between them, her proximity making me instantly hard.

I groaned quietly against her lips, taking control of the kiss and stroking her tongue with mine as I pulled her onto my lap. I held her hips firmly so she couldn't move against me, holding her as close as I could. As much as I'd like to take it further, now wasn't the time - and the lightbulb went off - this wasn't about sex, this was about getting my undivided attention. I slowed the kiss, making it sweeter - less needy - kissing her like we had all the time in the world.

"Love you, doll," I whispered, staring into eyes that were so dark with desire the molten gold was a narrow ring around the edge.

"Love you, too." She pulled back just enough so she could see my face. "No more trying to make yourself a target, okay?"

I shook my head. "I can't promise that – I won't let them get near you if I have anything to say about it."

She brought one hand up to my face, stroking my cheek with her thumb. "If they take you, I'm coming after you," she kissed me fiercely. "I won't let them turn you back into their puppet – and neither will Steve."

"We'll talk 'bout this later," I said as I set her back on her feet and stood up, not wanting to argue with her right now.

"There's nothing more to talk about," Sarah said as she threw me my shirt. "If you wouldn't let me or Steve do it, you don't do it either." She narrowed her eyes and punctuated her words with jabs to my chest before turning and walking quickly away.

I pulled on my shirt and dashed after her, scooping her up in my arms and striding to the large living room that we'd dubbed the common room because all of our rooms led out to it.

"Put me down, James. I'm perfectly capable of walking." Sarah crossed her arms and pouted at my handling of her, turning her face away when I leaned in to kiss her.

"You're still supposed to be taking it easy; you've done enough walking for today, doll."

I kissed her temple and set her on her feet before we reached the common room, wanting both hands free just in case this Thor guy wasn't a friendly anymore. He'd been gone for a while from what I understood. I opened the door for Sarah, watching as her sulky expression shifted to one of polite interest in seconds as she saw the newcomer.

The huge blond man standing in the center of the room talking to the rest of the team was several inches taller than Steve and even more powerfully built. He made Steve look like a normal guy – which was tough to do. He was wearing a form of old-time chain mail and metal armor with a red cape. He turned at our entrance, a pleased expression on his bearded face.

"Ah, yes. You must be Bucky and Lady Sarah," he said, his voice booming loudly as he confidently strode forward, grinning widely.

I wouldn't have questioned his approach if I hadn't noticed the large war hammer in his hand when his cape shifted. I instantly felt the need to protect Sarah from this formidable man, recognizing the threat he posed. I held my cybernetic left arm in front of me defensively, keeping Sarah behind me and preventing her from moving past me while I pulled out my knife and inwardly cursed my lack of weapons.

Sarah set her hand on my back and said quietly, "It's all right, James; Thor's a friend."

Steve approached us, putting a hand on my other shoulder and holding out his other hand to Sarah. "It's okay, Buck. Thor won't hurt her." I lowered my arm slowly to let her past, not taking my eyes from the threatening looking man. "Put the knife away, Bucky."

"Verily, Bucky, I mean you no harm," the stranger said, realizing I was looking at his hammer. He set it down on the coffee table next to him and I was amazed it didn't break under the weight.

"Call me James," I said reflexively, correcting him. "Steve's the only person who calls me Bucky anymore, other than m'sister." I relaxed slightly, only putting away the knife when I saw how relaxed everyone else was in this Thor's presence, even Natalia.

"Forgive me, James. I was given to believe you went by Bucky; I wasn't aware it was a private name. I am Thor Odinson of Asgard. It is a pleasure to meet the good Captain's companions." Thor clapped Steve on the back, causing him to stumble forward slightly. My eyes widened. If he was that strong, he'd be a force to be reckoned with.

"Sorry, Thor. Bucky doesn't know you, so he's very protective of Sarah – especially right now," Steve said with a smile, putting his arm around her.

"It is good that your friend cares for your betrothed," I watched as he took Sarah's hand and bowed over it, kissing her knuckles. "You are very beautiful, Lady Sarah. I am pleased to meet you."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you as well, Thor," Sarah said, taking her hand back. "I've heard a lot about you. Did you bring Jane?"

"No, I did not. She is on an aeroplane and Heimdall said I must allow it to land before I go to her. You are acquainted with Jane?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I've known her for a while now," Sarah said with a smile. "Where is she landing? We can have someone bring her here if you'd like."

"That would be most helpful. She is going to the city I was in the last time I was on Midgaard."

"New York," Tony said. "Jarvis, double check that's her destination and tell Happy I need him to pick up Jane Foster at La Guardia and bring her here right away."

_Right away, Mr Stark._

"And Darcy Lewis if she's with Jane," Sarah added. "I'll text her to let her know Happy's coming."

I groaned at the thought of dealing with Darcy again. "She gonna stick magnets on my arm the whole time again and make a bunch of smart-ass remarks while she hits on me?" I asked, moving closer to Sarah. I could tolerate Darcy in small doses – she wasn't my favorite person, but she was a good friend of Sarah's.

"Probably," Sarah said with a smirk. "She thinks you're sexy and Steve's hot. I just find it amusing to watch her drool over you two." She pulled out her phone and tapped at it briefly. "And she only puts fridge magnets on you because she knows you don't like it."

"Darcy is a most unusual creature," Thor agreed, looking amused. "But she is very loyal and is most helpful to Jane and her work."

"How long are you staying for this time, Point Break?" Tony asked.

"Until I find Loki's scepter and return it to Asgard."

Silence greeted Thor's statement, and it wasn't the good kind of silence, either. Even Tony was speechless and he never shut up - ever. The small hairs at the nape of my neck were standing on edge and I swore I saw sparks crackling in Thor's hair and along his armor.

 

*         *            *

Steve's POV

It was good to see Thor again – I just wish he had better news for us. After a video conference with Fury, I learned Shield had been trying to locate the missing scepter since the battle of New York. Unfortunately, since the battle had taken out a majority of the cameras in the area, the trail was stone cold and we didn't have a single lead.    

"I'm going to go get something to drink," Sarah murmured after we'd been talking for a while. "I need to get up and move around."

"Take Clint with you to carry everything," I suggested, removing my arm from around her and letting her get up. She signed something to him and they headed for the kitchen, hands flying.

Natasha grabbed Bucky's shoulder and kept him from following, shoving him back into his seat. "Let her be, Barnes. It's bad enough she's upset she pretty much lost her freedom for the next month, don't make it worse for yourself by being so overprotective."

While Sarah was out of the room, we finished filling Thor in on the threat she was under (he offered to fight with us), telling him of her relation to Tony (which we weren't entirely sure he understood) and about the baby we'd lost.    

Thor looked at me with sympathy. "I am heartily sorry for your grievous loss; you would make an excellent father, Steve."

"Thanks, Thor. I'm just glad that she's okay."

"I'm given to understand that your betrothed is a skilled warrior, like the Widow?"

"She's a little better, Thor," Natasha said with a grin. "She's a gal after your own heart. The next time you come you should bring Sif with so we can train with her."

"Lady Sif did indeed wish to accompany me this time, but I needed her to stay and keep an eye on Loki. She's wise to his ways; he has been too quiet lately, making not the slightest bit of difficulty for his jailers."

"It's still him in his prison, isn't it – not a hologram... errr – magical construct?" Bruce asked nervously. "He's not known as the God of Mischief for nothing."

"I assure you, he is indeed confined," Thor replied seriously.

Clint and Sarah came in with drinks – handing them around to everyone. I decided Sarah was looking quite pale again; I could tell she'd been on her feet too much today. She sat back down between myself and Bucky, letting me put my arm around her. Natasha stayed perched on the end of the couch next to Bucky, murmuring in his ear in what I thought was Russian for a couple minutes before he finally started to relax, starting to accept Thor.

After a while, Sarah reached out and took Bucky's hand, not looking at him, but clearly done being upset with him. I didn't know what'd happened this time, but it was fine now. They butted heads often, neither willing to back down and both of them convinced they were right, which amused me almost as much as it frustrated me. She finished her drink while she listened to the conversation, putting her glass on the coffee table and then curling up between us, her head resting on my shoulder for now.

"You can take a nap if you want, doll. We've got a lot to fill Thor in about before Jane gets here," I said quietly, kissing her temple. "You look beat."

"I am a little tired," she said with a yawn. "Wake me up when it's time to eat?"

"Of course. You think Marco would let you skip a meal?"

She snorted quietly. "Nope, he thinks I'm too skinny for my own good," she said with a smile. "He won't be happy until I gain like 20 pounds and can't fit into my catsuit anymore."

 

*         *        *

James' POV

I pretended not to notice when Sarah reached out and took my hand in hers, lacing her fingers with mine. She wouldn't meet my eyes, but I knew this was her way of letting me know she wasn't angry with me anymore. Natalia – Natasha – was right; I was being a little overprotective.

This was a big change for all of us, but even more so for Sarah. Her parents and Tony were in complete agreement on the matter of her security, but until recently, she'd almost always been able to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.

Given Hydra's marked interest in our whereabouts, her every move was watched by highly trained operatives – and leaving the house was strongly discouraged for the time being. If she did leave the house, she had to take at least two guards with her – even if Steve or I was with. I'd wanted her to have a guard near her at all times in the house, but she'd vehemently protested that, only acquiescing to having them within earshot of a conversational tone and wearing a com if she wanted alone time.

The next time I looked down, her eyes were closed and she was asleep. I shared a smile with Steve - if _I_ had suggested the nap, we'd still be arguing about it. Since _Steve_ suggested the nap, it was suddenly a great idea and she'd give it a chance. I knew she wasn't trying to be difficult, but I was going to be ecstatic when I got my regular, snarky Sarah back again. It was unsettling to see her weak like this and it made me even more afraid that I'd hurt her accidentally somehow.

Natasha handed me a light blanket and I spread it over her, shifting her so she'd be laying in her normal position across our laps. Somehow Tony managed to get Thor to speak in a regular voice instead of what I'd determined was his normal teeth-rattling volume, so she stayed asleep for a while.

* *

We'd just finished eating when I heard Darcy's distinctive voice coming from the entry. "Kill me now, Tasha," I begged, reaching for my drink.

"No can do, Buckaroo," the redhead said with a smirk.

"I hate that nickname," I said from behind gritted teeth. I tossed back the rest of my vodka and refilled my glass.

"I know."

"Mr Stark, Jarvis said to show these ladies in here," Jake said, standing aside so the women could walk in.

"Thank you, Agent," Tony replied, standing up to greet them. "Jane, Darcy – how nice to see you again."

"Hey Tony," Darcy said with a grin, still eyeing Jake like he was a particularly tasty treat. He retreated hastily, much to my amusement. I just wished I could follow him. "Thanks for picking us up – for the record I _love_ it when I get to ride in the limo!"

"Anytime, Louie the Lightning Bug," Tony replied with a grin.

"Ooh! I like that nickname better than the last one you used," she laughed, taking the open seat next to Steve while the woman I assumed was Jane was occupied greeting Thor.

"They haven't seen each other in a while," Sarah said in my ear. "You've met Jane before, James. She was at the Halloween party."

I turned to Sarah and gave her the puppy dog eyes that Lucky used on me when he wanted a treat. "I don't care where I'm sleeping as long as it's with you," I pleaded.

Sarah snorted. "Where else would you be sleeping? She's not that bad, James. She's not _really_ after you - she just does it to push your buttons."

"You're sure about that?" I asked skeptically.

"Positive. Ask Nat if you don't believe me."

"<Natalia, is that true?>" I asked, turning to the redhead.

"<You really need to ask that? She's Sarah's good friend – you don't think she knows about your little triangle?>"

"<How would she?>"

Natalia gave me a condescending look. "<She saw you and Sarah making out and then saw you and Steve together a while later the last time she was here.>"

"<Then why does she flirt so obviously with us?>"

"<Because of how poorly you take it. Try flirting back and see what she does.>"

I raised an eyebrow at her, but Clint spoke up. "<She's right, James. Speaking from first hand experience – Darcy only does that because she knows you're taken, therefore you're safe. Plus, when you're riled, you give her as good as you get. Not many get the upper hand with her.>"

 


	34. Gone Girl

2 Weeks later  
Steve's POV

My phone rang as I walked into Shield and I answered without checking to see who it was. It's not like very many people actually called me anyways - and I had an unlisted number.

"Rogers."

"Steve...Hydra took them," Jake gasped, breathing heavily. "Ambush."

"Jake, where are you?" I asked, running to the elevator. "Avenger's floor."

I heard gunshots and Jake groaned in pain, not saying any more but keeping the line connected. I raced into Maria's office, hoping she was there. She was and she looked up at me in surprise.

"Maria – can you trace this call? It's Jake - he says Hydra ambushed them." I handed her the phone and she put it on speaker while typing rapidly on her computer.

"Jake, can you tell us where you're at?" Maria asked, her face tight. We heard sirens and people shouting in the background, but no reply. "Hold on Jake, we're coming. They're at this address," Maria said, scribbling something down on a piece of paper and thrusting it at me as we hurried back to the elevator.

"Lobby – override protocol; Hill, Maria C.," she said as we stepped in, the elevator descending rapidly without stopping.

She tossed me a set of keys as we raced for the parking garage. A push of a button showed us which one it was and we were pulling out moments later, heading to the location. I hit the lights, flooring it while Maria was on the phone, mobilizing whoever was available from Strike 1 and 2 - some of them were out on a mission right now.

*      *

I wasn't prepared for what I saw when we reached the address. The Shield SUV they'd been in had rolled several times and was pretty beat up, indents where they'd been fired at covering the vehicle, windows all broken out. These vehicles were meant to take one hell of a beating, but they weren't indestructible.

Jake was being treated by the paramedics that had already arrived and I could tell he was unconscious. Mike was being strapped to a gurney to be loaded into the ambulance. He indicated he wanted my attention and I rushed over.

"Mikey, what happened?"

A woman tried to keep me away from him. "He has a collapsed lung, sir; he shouldn't be talking."

"Whoever did this took the rest of my team, ma'am, including my fiancé," I said, looking over at the female that had protested. "I need to know what happened, _please_." She raised her hand in acceptance, moving to finish securing him for transport.

"Hydra," Mike said, gesturing with his hands. He sounded awful.

"Six men, heavily armed. Went west, 2 black vehicles," Maria said from beside me. "SUV's or cars?"

Mike held up one finger.

"SUV's," Maria said. "How long ago?"

His fingers moved quickly and Maria looked at her watch. "15 - 20 minutes. Thank you, Agent," she said, patting his arm. "You listen to the paramedics and do what they tell you to, okay?"

"Thanks, Mikey. You did good," I said, backing away so they could load him. "See you soon, buddy."

"Maria -"

"I know, Steve – let me make a couple calls," she said, pulling out her phone. "Find out which hospital they're taking them to."

After a very brief conversation with the female paramedic I'd talked to earlier,  I called Tony and Skye to see if either of them could track them, hoping for a positive answer.

 

*            *              *

Siberia, Russia

1 week later  
Sarah's POV

I took a deep breath, meeting his empty cerulean eyes with my own. I hadn't seen James since the day we were taken, and my heart sank, knowing the man I loved was gone, replaced by the Winter Soldier – and the Soldier _hated_ me.

"<Are you ready to comply, woman?>" James looked at me blankly, not recognizing me at all.

"<I will never comply for Hydra. My name is Sarah Evans, James.>"

Hydra had tried almost everything to break me, but I was a stubborn bitch. It looked like they'd given up on their earlier attempts. I refused to cooperate - Hydra was an endangered species - they just didn't know it yet. James had taken over for the piece of shit that hadn't been able to get a word out of me, sending him scuttling from the room in a way that would have made me laugh if that didn't hurt right now.

"<Then I will have to make you comply.>" If anyone could break me, James could. Hydra really did have a sick sense of humor.

"<Do what you came here to do, James,>" I said tauntingly, watching his response. "<Prove to them you're still their good little asset, Winter.>"

He punched me hard in the chest, knocking the air from me. "<You don't have permission to speak to me,>" he snarled, his voice sounding nothing like the man I used to know.

I'd have hit him back, tried to knock him out - something - but I was bound hand and foot by some kind of magnetic cuffs that even my strength couldn't get me out of, leaving my voice as my only defense. I switched to English because the Soldier didn't use it.

"What do you want from me?" He didn't answer, only hitting me harder. "Is that all you got, Barnes? You hit like a girl."

He punched me again, in the gut this time, leaving me coughing as I tried to catch my breath. It felt like I was getting hit by a runaway truck. The blows I'd gotten up until this point had been more annoying than painful, but James was stronger than the other men – even without using his cybernetic arm.

"I can do this all day," I said, quoting Steve. James slowed his blow as I said it, something in those words penetrating the brainwashing momentarily – just before he cracked my ribs.

"You don't know when to shut up, do you?" He said, sounding more like himself and less like the Soldier, a hint of Brooklyn in his accent.

"I thought you liked my smart mouth?" I smirked, winking at him.

"Shut up!" He hit me across the face and my head snapped back from the force of the blow, warm blood trickling from my now split lip. I changed tactics, making my voice more like Peggy's, taking on her British accent.

"Why are you doing this, Bucky? This isn't you. Bucky, please don't do this."

Something in his eyes told me James was still in there, but the Soldier remained in charge, backhanding me so hard I lost my balance, my back screaming as my shoulders bore the brunt of my weight. If Peggy could get through to him, then I'd keep it up; it was worth the heartache if I could get James back again. The longer the Soldier was in control the harder it would be to get him back.

"You know me. You're my friend, Bucky," I said, spitting out a mouthful of blood and sagging against my restraints to see how much give I actually had, which wasn't very much - a couple of inches, maybe.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he said blankly before punching me again, hitting the other side. He didn't deny knowing me, interestingly enough.

"You are," I insisted, ignoring the pain of my broken bones. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."

He paused briefly. "I have no name. I am the Winter Soldier," he said, but there was a trace of James in his voice.

"Wrong. I told you, your name is James...Buchanan...Barnes. Steve calls you Bucky for short. Don't you remember Stevie, Bucky? Steve Rogers, your best friend?"

"Don't call me that. That's not who I am."

"Yeah, it is, babe." I stood back up slowly, slackening the bonds.

He grabbed my face bruisingly hard. "What did you say?"

I turned my face into his hand, trying to nuzzle it. "It's who you are, babe. You're my lover, Bucky, and have been for the past six months."

His grip loosened slightly in shock and I shifted so I could get his thumb in my mouth, sucking on it lightly and running my tongue over it before letting go of it, my eyes holding his so I could see them starting to dilate with desire.

"I've missed you, darling," I purred, smiling. "Have you missed me?" I ran my eyes down over his body and sure enough, he was already aroused. "Won't you kiss me, darling?" I wasn't sure it would work, but I was going to give it a shot anyways. "Kiss me, Bucky."

He came closer, but didn't touch me yet. I tilted my head up slightly, going up on tiptoe to press my lips to his, just barely enough give in my restraints to make it work. He didn't kiss back right away until I nipped his lower lip, teasing it with my teeth and running my tongue over it. Then the kiss became his and he moved forward enough that his body was touching mine, his hands skimming my curves possessively until the door clanged loudly open again.

"If you want to fuck her that bad, Winter, the big man said she's yours," Brock Rumlow said.

Rumlow's dark soulless eyes slowly ran over my body, making me want to puke from the lascivious gleam I saw in them. He came closer as the Soldier backed away from me, moving to unzip the catsuit I still wore. I spat at him in revulsion, flecks of blood from my split lip covering his face.

"Don't fucking touch me, Rumlow," I snarled, unwilling to let him see me as weak in any way.

He grabbed my breast and squeezed it painfully, laughing mockingly. " _Don't touch me, Rumlow_. Evans, you have no fucking idea how long I've wanted to do this to you." He pulled out a syringe and jabbed it in my neck, one hand choking me as I felt the contents entering my bloodstream. "This'll make you horny as fuck. The next time I come in here, you'll be begging me to fuck you – no more Miss High-and-Mighty - just another cockslut."

I spat in his face again, not even caring that I couldn't breathe. No way in hell was I letting him touch me if I had anything to say about it, but the way my vision was dimming, I might not have a choice shortly.

 

*                *             *

James' POV

I watched as my handler choked the woman, injecting one of Hydra's chemical cocktails into her neck. Even though she was electromagnetically restrained – hand and foot – that didn't make her put up any less of a fight. She was truly a woman worthy of my attention. I'd been told this woman was mine, and I found that I resented my handler mistreating her further. With one swift motion, I grabbed him with my cybernetic arm, tossing him back against the wall. I heard the woman coughing as she gasped for breath.

"<She is mine,>" I said, addressing him as he got back to his feet. "<I will discipline her myself as I see fit.>"

"<All right, all right.>"

"<Release her restraints,>" I ordered tonelessly as he got to his feet. 

"<Yeah, I suppose you don't need them to control her, do you.>" My handler smirked and pounded his fist on the switch, releasing the woman's restraints. She just barely managed to stay on her feet as the magnets disengaged, swaying slightly.

The minute the door shut behind him, she straightened up and rubbed at her neck and shoulders. "What did he give me?" she asked worriedly, watching me from where she stood. I didn't answer, so she asked again, "James, what the hell was injected into me? I need to know."

I didn't understand why she needed to know – it wasn't like she could do anything about it. "An aphrodisiac mixed with an enhancer to make you fertile," I said, watching for her reaction.

"Shit," she said, exhaling loudly. 

I grabbed her wrists, holding them both easily in one hand with just enough pressure to remind her who was in control. It wouldn't take much force to crush the fragile bones of her tiny wrists.

"Come. Can you walk?" I asked, pulling her to the door.

"Yes, just not that fast," she said, gasping when I pulled on her arms. "A couple of my ribs are broken."

I let go of her, feeling a strange emotion when she immediately put one hand to her side, closing her eyes as she calmed her breathing. It suddenly hit me, I was feeling _guilt_ ; feelings were something I hadn't had in a long while - why did I have them now?

"I want you clean before I take you," I growled, shaking off the unwanted emotions and going cold. She was filthy, covered in dirt and dried blood. "I don't have long before the drug takes affect."

She swayed on her feet, so I picked her up in my arms and she didn't fight me - possibly because she realized this was the only way she was getting out of this room. She was almost completely limp, and her face was paler than before when I looked down at her, but she was still breathing.

I laid her on the floor of my room and she didn't move, seemingly unconscious; she didn't wake when I stripped her, tossing her boots aside and peeling off her skin tight black suit. As I removed the blood soaked clothes she wore under the suit, I uncovered even more cuts and bruises, including a thin layer of drying blood smeared over much of her arms and torso. Her suit had acted as a compress, helping to keep her from losing too much blood.

The woman was very thin, certainly slighter than I'd initially thought she was. Her ribs and hipbones were quite prominent - which explained why she was so light. Her whole side was black where her broken ribs were, but from what I could tell, nothing had broken the skin. Her breathing was shallow but regular, I observed as I stripped myself before picking her up again to take her into the shower and wash the blood from her.

She felt cooler than before and there were goosebumps all over her fair skin, her nipples erect. I turned the water on and let it warm up before putting us under the flow, deciding that cold water on her cold body wouldn't be helpful. She still didn't move when the water hit her, which bothered me – this wasn't a normal kind of unconsciousness. My anger grew; I finally had a woman I desired and she was too damaged for me to even use.

I washed her as best I could before rinsing us off and carrying her out of the shower, ignoring my aching cock. I laid her on my bed before taking a towel and drying her off. Goosebumps covered her fair skin, so I tossed a blanket over her and picked up the phone in my room to call my handler - the only person I could call.

"<What the fuck did you give her? She's been passed out since you left.>" I said coldly, letting displeasure and anger color my tone. I wasn't going against my orders, but I was skirting them by not laying with her.

"<Just the usual – fuck! She still breathing?>"

I looked over at the still woman, seeing her chest rise and fall slowly. "<For now. Send someone to fix this - I won't fuck a corpse.>"

"<Where the hell'd you take her? You're not where I left you.>"

"<My room.>" I hung up the phone, turning back to look at her.

A few minutes later, two men in white coats were at my door. I pointed them to the woman and the skittered around me, justifiably afraid of me. I watched as they took her pulse and shined a light in her eyes.

"< Why won't she wake up?>" I asked them.

"<The mixture she was given is not working with her unique chemistry,>"  the first man said, eyes focused on my arm as he fumbled in the pockets of his coat and pulled out a syringe. "<We will give her the reversal – maybe it will make her wake up.>"

"<Maybe?>" I said, walking closer. "<Try harder. Wake her up,>" I ordered, crossing my arms over my chest.

"<Yes, Soldier.>" The man stammered fearfully, but found a vein in her arm and injected the contents into her as I watched her for any sign of change.

"<Pulse is picking up,>" he said to the other man.

"<Respiration increasing. It looks like she should wake soon.>"

"<Good. Get out.>"

"<Right away,>" the first man said, walking to the door.

The second man hesitated for a moment. "<Her womb may not be ready for your seed if the first injection didn't take. We will test her tomorrow, but you may need to seed her for several days.>"

"<Get out,>" I said curtly. "<And send some food for her or she won't last long enough for me to use. She is skin and bones.>"

He nodded and left, giving me a speculative look before he shut the door.

 

*        *          *

Sarah's POV

I felt like it was too much effort just to open my eyes. My whole body ached and it took me a little bit to remember why: I'd been Hydra's captive for three or four days now - maybe longer.

They must have misjudged me again if I'd lost consciousness. That was the only time I was freed from the magnetic bonds. Realizing I couldn't feel my restraints and my arms were freed, I opened my eyes. It took a moment longer to actually focus on the man in front of me. The Soldier stared at me with cold, expressionless cerulean eyes from a couple feet away, stance rigid, arms crossed - and completely naked.

"James? Where are we?" I asked, slowly holding out a hand to him but letting it fall when he didn't move any closer. "What's wrong?"

"It took you very long to wake up."

The rough blanket was itchy against my skin and it clicked that I was completely naked. "Why are we here and where are my clothes?" I slowly moved to sit up, holding the blanket to me. The pain made me wince. I wasn't where they'd kept me since my arrival - this looked like an improvement. 

I looked over my arms and torso, seeing the mottled bruises in varying states of healing. If I hadn't been wearing my catsuit it'd have been worse; my suit absorbed a large portion of the force behind the blows. I brought one hand up to my head, feeling my wet hair.

"Why am I all wet?" I asked, confused.

"You ask many questions for a prisoner," the Soldier said, a tinge of amusement creeping in his flat tone. "I cleaned you off; you were very dirty."

"Oh. Thank you, James," I said with a smile, wincing as my split lip pulled painfully, only partially healed. "May I use the bathroom?"

He pointed to an opening in the wall and I carefully stood up, leaving the blanket behind and trying not to aggravate my broken ribs any more than I had to as I stumbled through it, struggling to get my limbs to cooperate. I looked in the cracked mirror and saw I was still pretty dirty, my hair tangled and matted. I'm sure I looked better than before, but I still felt filthy.

I noticed the shower right there, so I walked in, adjusting the water to as hot as I could stand it and scrubbing myself well, watching the reddish water draining. I found shampoo and cleaned my hair, using my fingers to detangle it as best I could, trying not to press on the sensitive spots on my scalp.

When I finally felt clean, I turned the water off and wrung the excess water from my hair as I walked out of the shower. James was fully dressed again and just standing there, watching me closely. I smiled when I saw his pupils were blown, the blue a thin ring around the edge. I studied him as I approached; the heartbeat in the hollow of his neck was faster than his usual resting rate and his breathing was fast and shallow - all of his usual indications of his arousal, even as the Soldier.

"What are you thinking?" I asked as he handed me a towel, his eyes roving over me slowly before dropping to my breasts in a very James-like way - he was a T & A man through and through.

"You are very beautiful – even in the condition you are currently in."

He reached out and touched my split lip with the gentleness of James. His voice was thick with desire, but his cadence was still that of the Soldier, letting me know who I was working really working with - just in case I'd forgotten. James was still in there...I just had to figure out how to bring him back before it was too late.

"Thanks, babe. You're not so bad looking yourself, you know?" I teased him, making him grunt dismissively. 

I dried off well, wrapping my hair in the towel to leech as much moisture from it as possible. I sauntered over to him, going up on my toes to kiss him, mindful of my split lip. He responded immediately, pressing me closer to him until I could feel his hard cock between us. I ran my hands over him, working them under his shirt and pulling it off. He still wore his dog tags, thankfully. The Soldier hadn't gotten rid of them yet – or since he'd worn them for so long, the Soldier didn't care about them anymore, forgetting they held information I could use to get rid of him.

He picked me up by my thighs and I wrapped my legs around his waist, letting him carry me back into the spartan bedroom as he took control of the kiss, stroking my tongue with his. I sucked lightly on his tongue, nipping his full lower lip. He pulled away when we heard knocking on the door, tensing slightly.

 

*             *        *

James' POV

"<Enter,>" I said flatly, looking at the door, displeased at the interruption.

The woman tucked her head into my neck as a man entered slowly, eyes down and holding a tray of food. He set it on the desk near the door and quickly retreated, still not looking at me. When the door closed, her stomach growled loudly as the smell of the food filled the small room. I set her back on her feet and let go of her.

"<You need to eat. When was the last time they fed you?>"

I handed her the shirt I'd pulled off a little bit ago and watched as she put it on – and almost lost it off of her thin shoulders. Seeing her wearing my clothes made me even more possessive of her. I wanted her so badly I was having a hard time thinking straight.

"I don't remember. How long have I been here?"

"A week," I said, my voice dropping as I became angry at her handlers. "You haven't eaten since you have been here?"

She shook her head slightly. "They gave me food once, but it was drugged and I refused to eat it." 

"Eat. It will not be drugged – to displease me again today would be unwise."

I gestured towards the chair and she slowly walked past me to the desk, sitting gingerly. I watched as she scooped up a spoonful of borsch and sniffed it carefully before taking a small bite. She chewed carefully before swallowing and from the slow, methodical way she ate she knew what to expect after going without eating for that long. I watched over her, refilling the plastic cup from the tap in the bathroom when she drained it, obviously dehydrated.

I was confused at the level of anger I was feeling over the treatment of one woman. I heard the clink of metal and looked down at my chest. Two small embossed metal chips were on a chain around my neck. I picked them up, reading the name on them.

James B Barnes – the name she kept calling me – 32557038, I knew that number – I didn't know what it meant, but I _knew_ it. A few more numbers and letters that didn't mean anything to me. On the other tag, Steven G Rogers, followed by a street address in Brooklyn, NY.

A memory came to me suddenly; I was talking to another man, large and blond, someone I knew very well. We were wearing fatigues and carrying guns, old guns – the kind they used back in the war.

_"Everyone knows you can't die if you go in wearing the wrong tags, Steve. It's just not allowed." I'd pulled my tags from around my neck and held them out to the blond – Steve._

_"Bucky, that's got nothin' to do with what happens out there and you know it," Steve protested, shaking his head. I stared at him for a long moment, not moving my hand back. "I'll trade you contact tags - you're all I got left, pal."_

_He'd pulled one of his tags off and handed it to me, taking the smaller loop off of mine and transferring it to his own. I tossed the chain back over my head and tucked it under my shirt, a small smile on my lips because I'd still gotten what I wanted._

The woman was looking up at me, studying me quietly when the memory faded. "Are you okay, James?"

"Fine," I snapped, still feeling off balance. "You need to eat more."

"If I eat any more I'm going to be sick." She stood up, walking back over to me and putting her arms around me. "When's the last time _you_ ate?"

I shrugged, not knowing the answer and not caring. "I'm not hungry."

She stroked my face lightly. "Why don't you finish it for me? I can tell you've lost weight again."

"You can finish it in a little while," I said, kissing down her neck. Now that she was awake, clean, and fed, I couldn't keep my hands off her any longer. She was mine, and I had no intention of wasting my time with her. I backed her towards the bed.

"I love you, James," she whispered almost inaudibly as she nibbled on my ear. "Is your room bugged?"

"Probably," I murmured in her hair, "only one camera over the door."

I stepped out of my pants, watching as she smiled and lowered her arms; with a shrug, my shirt fell off of her, pooling at her feet. I hardened even more as she revealed her body again to me, a small smile on her bruised face.

My lips found hers as I laid her back, keeping my weight from crushing her with my metal arm as my other hand found her clit and started playing with the nub, getting her body ready for mine. I wasn't small and I had no wish to damage her. She was so hot and wet already I couldn't wait much longer before I plunged into her, her slick heat surrounding my cock. She set her teeth into my shoulder, stifling a moan.

"Sarah?" I froze, looking down into her familiar golden brown eyes, her face lightly flushed.

"It's me," she assured me with a smile before pulling me tight to her, her lips to my ear. "Just love me, James. I don't care who's watching – make me scream your name."

I nodded, as she started moving her hips against me, her body begging me to keep moving. She moaned when I did, proceeding to be very vocal as I made her come until she was almost crying incoherently with pleasure. I matched her orgasm for orgasm until I came a fourth time, just holding her against me until my heartrate returned to normal, my cock softening.

Sarah collapsed on me, sated, and fell asleep in moments. I held her, trying to figure out what I should do next. I was relatively free to come and go within this facility, but she was a valuable prisoner – even more so now that I'd slept with her.

Hydra's goal for a long time had been to get a child from me, and of all the women they'd tried to get me to use, she was the only one I had. Somehow, Sarah had triggered my memory but I didn't remember everything yet, only her.

 


	35. Activation

Steve's POV

"Cap, Jarvis picked up something!" Tony said, rushing into the common room where I was working.

"Finally," I sighed in relief. It had been a long frustrating seven days since their trail had gone cold.

"Wherever they Sarah and Barnes were, they're together now. Their trackers are designed to boost the signal when they're close together. It's still faint, but it's there now."

"Do they know that?" I asked the genius even though I knew the answer was probably a negative.

"Probably not. Jarvis – where are we going?"

_Siberia, sir. Most likely a secret base of some sort given the location._

"Can you show us the most recent satellite footage?" I asked, my heart in my throat.

It was too much to hope for to get them both back again – and if they were in Siberia, I was certain Bucky was the Winter Soldier again. They would've reactivated that side of him as soon as possible, because otherwise Bucky would have brought her home by now...if he remembered having one.

_Compiling image now, Captain._

A fuzzy satellite picture started to clear up on the large screen until a building was just barely visible in the frozen wasteland. They were as far from any form of civilization as you could possibly get and still be on solid land, the compound effortlessly blending into the bleak surroundings.

"Jarvis, tell the team to meet us here – Sigma, too."

 _Already done. They're on their way, Captain_.

"This isn't going to be easy, Tony. Look at the size of this place."

Tony whistled. "Looks like we found the mother lode. Think this is what Barnes meant by 'taken to the edge of the earth and shoved in a freezer?' because I think this is where they froze him at."

"Makes sense," I said. "We've yet to find any cryo equipment at any of the bases we've taken so far and we're only a fraction of the way into Russia."

"Yes, that's it. I didn't know where it was, but I knew what it looked like from the outside," Natasha said, coming up beside me. "They took me there once...to show me James in cryofreeze. I was unconscious for most of the trip, only waking a little bit before we got there."

"Heavily fortified?" I asked, looking over at the redhead.

"Yep. Confusingly laid out, booby trapped – the works. You're going to need Sigma and both Strike teams at the very least."

"I'm on it," Clint said as he came into the room, having heard the last part.

"Jarvis, can Skye get you blueprints of any kind?" Bruce said, stumbling into the room, yawning and blowing on a cup of coffee.

_She's working on it, Dr Banner. Her exact words were 'Try and stop me from helping and I'll give you a virus.' She seemed serious, so I didn't interfere._

"We won't turn down her help," Clint said with a weak chuckle, typing a phone number in and putting it on speaker. "Someone want to tell Fury the good news?"

"Knock yourself out, Katniss." Tony said, sipping his coffee.

"That's a girl's name, Stark," Clint protested. "And I'm better. Director Fury, we found her," he said, his voice becoming serious. "You're on speaker - line secure."

"It's about damn time. Where the hell is she?" Nick asked.

"Siberia, sir. Both of them," Clint said as I stared at the small dots on the map.

"Get your asses to the Triskelion while I call up support," Fury ordered. "We're going to need a lot of men on this one."

"Agreed. On our way, sir," I said, meeting everyone's eyes with the first hint of a smile in a week. It'd been hell, knowing we couldn't find either of them.

  
*          *

"You're with me, Cap," Jake said as he shrugged on his jacket, wincing when he moved wrong and reminding me he wasn't fully healed yet. I nodded, holding my hand out for the keys and he gave them to me with a look. "Just this once, Steve. I heard we found them?" he asked as we walked out the front door. Everything I needed was already at the Triskelion - ready for whenever we finally got a location.

"We did. Thanks, Jake. You look a lot better today but you're still not cleared for active duty."

"I know I'm not," he said as we climbed into the Shield SUV and I pulled out into the street. "Got shot too many times that day - and Kate would kill me herself if she found out I went out without clearance."

"What happened to Amy?" I asked, surprised at his statement. "I thought you were talking about buying a ring?"

"That was before I caught her cheating on me with some pretty boy she works with." He met my eyes and shrugged. "I got back early for once - that cakewalk mission in Miami right after you guys moved to Tony's?" I nodded, remembering that one well. "So I didn't text her to let her know - thought I'd surprise her - and find her in bed with him." He dropped his emerald gaze and leaned his head back on the headrest with a sigh. "The worst thing was that her friends all knew."

"I'm sorry, Jake," I said after a moment. "I probably should have said something sooner, but she was always trying to flirt with me whenever you weren't around. Even in front of Bucky or Sarah."

He snorted. "Yeah, you should've if it kept happening, but Sarah told me - the day we moved y'all into Tony's actually."

"So when did you and Kate happen?"

"Just a couple days ago. Kate showed up at the hospital when they finally released me and we've been together since."

"I'm glad to hear that. She's a nice girl and doesn't seem to mind hanging out with the team. She ever tell you how Sarah convinced her to come over to Tony's for my birthday?"

"Yeah," he laughed, then winced. "Your girl does go a little overboard for holidays, Cap."

"I know. I think she's trying to make sure I'm not missing anything more than I already have. When we get her back, Tony wants to publicly acknowledge her as his daughter. What do you think about that?"

"I suppose that means her Sigma days are numbered," he said with a sigh. "She's not going to be happy about that," he warned me.

"I don't care. Tony and I aren't budging on this one."

 

*                 *             *

Sarah's POV

"Hey," I said when I woke up, the smell of food filling the room. "What time is it?"

"I don't know; you've been asleep for a long time. Food arrived a little bit ago, so I thought I should wake you. How are you feeling?"

"Much better than yesterday. I must've really been worn out. What did you do while I slept?"

"Just watched over you. Are you hungry?"

"Not really, but I know I need to eat. Will you eat with me?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm not going to eat unless you do, James."

I crossed my arms and stared at him until he nodded. I needed another day to recuperate and I needed James in peak fighting condition if we were to have a chance at getting out of here. I  wasn't going to leave without him, so if I had to out-stubborn him, I would. He wasn't the first Barnes I'd had to deal with.

He tossed me one of his shirts and I pulled it on before I got out of bed. I walked over to the desk, grabbing the well loaded tray and bringing it over to where he was sitting. He held on to it while I settled next to him but didn't make a move to eat. I stubbornly refused to eat unless he did as well, matching him bite for bite.

"Let's go get cleaned up," I said, standing up and pulling him behind me to the shower.

I wasn't sure who I'd be making love with - James or Winter - the two facets of his personality made love to me differently. Based off his speech patterns, he was more Winter than James right now. Winter was much more dominant than James in bed; he was more demanding, less focused on foreplay but more inclined to aftercare. Sex with the Winter was fast and intense; leaving us both exhausted.

I stripped him, taking my time to run my hands over his body before starting the water and pushing the limits of his patience. We soaped up and rinsed off while teasing each other, his deft fingers teasing my nipples and clit as he stood behind me. I retaliated by taking his hard length into my hand, sliding it slowly up and down his turgid cock as we kissed, pushing him into the wall with a grin.

 

*           *           *

James' POV

I groaned as she kissed down my neck and started working her way down me. I allowed her to take my cock in her mouth, the sight of her kneeling before me turning me on even more. I pulled her up before I came, picking her up and leaning her against the shower wall. She wrapped her legs around me and kissed me deeply, wiggling against me with need.

My metal thumb brushed over her clit, making her moan against my mouth. I slid two fingers insider her, feeling how wet and hot she was for me. She clamped her inner muscles around my fingers and I removed them, swiftly entering her. Her teeth found my shoulder, muffling her scream of pleasure.

She rolled her hips so I could slide all the way home, drawing a groan from me. I quickened my strokes as she clamped herself around my cock and I came quickly, but I wasn't done yet. I kissed her deeply before feeling myself harden again inside her. I leisurely laved her nipples, stroking her clit as I lengthened my strokes until she shattered again, the feel of her orgasm making me come again.

"I love you, James Buchanan Barnes," she whispered as she put her arms around my neck and kissed me gently.  

"You shouldn't," I replied. "I'm not him anymore."

*      *

We woke abruptly to strobe lights and sirens; the base was being invaded.

<Longing>

I heard the beginning of my trigger sequence and felt my blood run cold. They wanted the Soldier and they knew I wasn't fully him anymore. My heart rate spiked and I started hyperventilating, unable to control my panic.

"James?" Sarah asked from beside me, sitting up and looking at me, eyes wide. "They've come for us - Steve, Tony, Natasha and the others. We need to get out of here."

<Rusted>

I raised my hands to my ears, trying to block the sound, but the volume at which they were said prevented that from happening.

<Seventeen> 

"No, stop," I whispered, curling up into a ball but knowing it was futile. They'd never listened to me before – I should just be grateful that they hadn't wiped me first.

<Daybreak>

"Oh shit; they're triggering you." Sarah put her hand on my arm. "No matter what happens, James, I love you and I will find a way to bring you back again. Do you remember where home is?" She put my hand on the dog tags around my neck. "Washington, DC. Shield's Triskelion."

<Furnace>

I tried to commit those words to memory. "Get dressed, Sarah. If they want the Soldier, it's not going to be safe for you to be around me." I was running out of time. I kissed Sarah briefly before setting her on her feet. She needed to get away from me fast. I could feel myself becoming colder, more analytical.

<Nine>

She started pulling on her suit and shoved her feet into her boots. The words were coming faster and with each one I felt more distanced from her. I started getting dressed myself, pulling on my usual leather shirt and tactical pants.

<Benign>

"I won't leave you, James."

<Homecoming>

"Get away from me, woman," I ordered.

<One>

I closed my eyes as I felt myself going cold, anticipating my orders. I was the greatest Asset Hydra could command and I had a job to do.

<Freight car>

I opened my eyes.

<Soldier?>

"<Ready to comply,>" I replied firmly, standing at attention.

<Take the prisoner to the containment level and await further orders.> 

The female in the room with me looked at me with a strange expression before walking over to stand in front of the door. I grabbed the female by her arm and walked out the door.

 

*       *            *

Sarah's POV

The Soldier dragged me along by one arm, moving quickly down the hallway. I'd never seen him activated before but this wasn't James anymore - he was completely the Soldier now. Chaos reined, people shouting, running everywhere. Armed soldiers passed us, all running the same way. I managed to procure myself a gun, a knife, two grenades, and a couple small devices off the belts of the soldiers as they passed, hiding them in my catsuit.

If he was taking me back to the room I'd started out in, I wasn't going in empty handed this time. I was not helpless, and I'd be damned if they made me out to be. I was hoping for a cell phone, but I wasn't going to hold my breath. This was Russia, after all.

He opened the door of what must be the containment room and I immediately saw that while it was similar to the room they'd kept me in earlier, it wasn't the same one. The biggest difference was that there weren't any electromagnetic cuffs to bind my arms and legs. I didn't think Hydra would be dumb enough to leave me loose, but it looked like they had bigger problems on their hands right now. As soon as the door closed, that same voice from earlier started to give James commands.

I quickly shot out the com box, cutting off his orders. "You don't have to listen to them, James. You're an American citizen, not Hydra's brainwashed thug."

"<I am the Winter Soldier, not this James you speak to.>"

The phone started ringing and I picked it up before he could, afraid they were just going to give him orders that way since the com box wasn't functional. I was positive they had cameras watching us, so I wouldn't be able to block his orders for long, but I'd do what I could.

"<Put the Soldier on the phone.>" A man's voice ordered in Russian.

"<I can't do that.>" I hung up the phone and pulled the line from the wall. There was no way to dial out anyways.

He looked at me in surprise, his eyes slightly less dead than before. "If they have orders for me, they will find a way to get them to me."

"Just because they triggered Winter doesn't mean they get to keep you if I have any say."

"Why would you do that – prevent them from giving me orders?"

"People always do crazy things when they're in love," I said with a shrug, quoting a movie we'd watched together recently. I moved closer to him and reached up, standing on tiptoe to kiss him. He didn't respond, arms staying at his side, but I wasn't going to give up on him. Not now, not ever.

 

*             *               *

Winter's POV

The kiss was pleasant, but I wasn't given leave to fraternize with the prisoner by my handlers, so I did nothing that would invite punishment. I felt her smile when she felt my arousal growing between us, her body pressed to mine.

The way she talked to me and touched me suggested familiarity, but I didn't know her...unless I'd been sent to retrieve her. I assumed she was American from her defiance, but the way she easily switched between languages made me wonder if she was an agent of some sort that had displeased our leaders. That would explain why she was here in Siberia.

When the door opened and my handler came in, armed and angry, the woman stepped away from me, her stance shifting into one of readiness.

"Evans – why the fuck do you always have to make things so goddamn difficult?" he snapped at the woman, aiming for her head. He didn't seem to like this female very much and it appeared the feeling was mutual, given her expression and body language.

"I'm female. It's in my DNA," she replied with a sneer. "You'd know that if you ever spent any time with one outside a whorehouse, dickhead."

He cocked the gun and while I knew he wanted to shoot her badly, I also knew he hadn't been given leave to do so. I saw the gun in her hand and wondered if she would be foolish enough to try to shoot him, provoking him into killing her if she took that shot - valuable prisoner or not. I found myself amused by the woman and wondered what outlandish thing she would try next.

"<Soldier,>" he addressed me and I snapped to attention. "<You are to stop the intruders and keep them from taking this base. Understood?>"

"<Understood. What about her?>" I asked, gesturing to the woman.

"<I'm putting her in cryofreeze. Knock her out, Soldier.>" I hesitated, strangely unwilling to harm this woman. She had shown me kindness, and I was to repay her with pain. "<Knock her out, Soldier! That's an order,>" my handler growled, his stance promising punishment for hesitating.  In the brief time that exchange took and before I'd even shifted my weight to throw a punch, she got off two shots towards my handler, but they were stopped by his armor.

"Don't do this, James," she said as she evaded my fists, hitting me back harder than I thought a woman could.

I punched her in the ribs, hearing the crunch of broken bone. She gasped in pain, but swung back, hitting me in the jaw hard enough to turn my head before taking a moment to toss a grenade at my handler. She then hit me with an uppercut and a kick to the knee before ducking behind me to evade the blast.

"Damn it, Evans!" He said as he jerked the solid steel door open to take the brunt of the blast.

I was knocked off balance and she took the opening, racing toward the door. She almost got all the way out, but I was faster, cutting her off. With one blow to the head, she fell to the floor, unconscious. My handler gave me his gun and threw her over his shoulder roughly, heading for the cryo lab.

I set off in the opposite direction, my mission clear.

  
*           *          *

Steve's POV

We'd just cleared another room when I heard the words I'd been waiting for.

"Cap, I found her," Tony said over our coms. "Jarvis will give the team directions to this room."

"Is she okay?" Natasha asked. I couldn't breathe, I was so relieved we'd found her.

"I don't know yet, but she's alive," Tony confirmed.

"Thank God," I said quietly.

"Don't go thanking Him just yet. The bastards were freezing her, so I'm trying to reverse it right now."

"Is Bucky frozen too?" I asked, fear gripping my heart even as I fumed about Sarah's treatment at their hands.

"There's no sign of Barnes here; wherever he is it's not here," Tony said, sounding distracted.

"Then I'll keep searching," I promised. "Can you get her out of here, Tony?"

I heard him curse under his breath. "Buy me some time, will ya? Keep them busy – I need at least 10 minutes here."

"What do you think we've been doing?" Clint griped, taking out another enemy. "Taking a nap?"

"Jarvis, do you have a lock on Bucky's tracker?"

_Take a left at the next corridor, Captain._

What was left of Sigma continued to follow me, clearing the way as we went. The further in we went, the more people we found. This was easily the largest base we'd ever been and I didn't know if we could fully take it, but I was still hoping for the best.

Honestly, I'd settle for getting Sarah and Bucky and getting back out, but that wasn't my call to make. Fury said he knew we didn't have enough men to keep it if they decided to fight back, but he wasn't the type to forgive and forget. They'd come to DC and taken three of ours – that wasn't going to go unpunished.

"Rogers, I've found Barnes," Natasha said, breathing hard. "He's definitely the Winter Soldier again - and there's something else."

"Not great news, but I'll take what I can get."

 _Take a right, Captain,_ Jarvis said and I turned at the end of the corridor, seeing another long corridor full of Hydra thugs and immediately engaging.

"Aren't you going to guess?" she asked, sounding out of breath. She must be fighting Bucky for her to be winded.

"Spill it, Nat. I don't have time for guessing games - kinda busy here!"

"Brock Rumlow's with him – not as a hostage, as his goddamn handler."

"Shit!" Clint growled. "Fucking traitor! I knew there was a reason I didn't like that cocky asshole."

"Language," I said out of habit as I glanced back at Sigma, seeing the varying degrees of shock on their faces and knew they were just as surprised as I was. I had to say that was the last thing I'd expected to hear. We'd understood taking Bucky, even Sarah – news had got out about our engagement, after all – but why'd they take a random Strike commando like Brock Rumlow?

"Natasha – reset Bucky if you have to. I'm on my way."

Anger fueled me and I fought my way through the maze of rooms and hallways faster than ever. I moved at my top speed and my team had a hard time keeping up with me. My first thought when we'd learned he was missing was that they'd taken Rumlow'd because he'd tried to stop them – now I knew it was because he'd _helped_ them take Bucky and Sarah - maybe even planned it. If Rumlow was working with Hydra, then he knew how to control Bucky.

_Third door on your right, Captain. Agent Romanoff has engaged Sargent Barnes against my advice. Agent Barton will also arrive shortly._

I opened the door and walked in, taking in the scene before me. Bucky was fighting Natasha with an intensity I'd never seen from him before. I threw my shield, knocking him aside just before he would have cut Natasha's throat, catching it as it rebounded back. 

"Where's Rumlow?" I asked, moving to engage Bucky.

I could hear Natasha moving out of the way as he walked over to me, twirling his knife in a way I hadn't seen in a long time. While Bucky had always been a great sniper, he was even better with a knife. His eyes were cold as they met mine, no recognition in their cerulean depths.

"I knocked him out before he could give James more orders," Natasha said from the sidelines. "I couldn't get through to him, Steve. I don't know what they did to him this time, but he's Winter, not James."

"It's okay, Nat. I'll take it from here." I took off my helmet and tossed it aside, uncovering my face for him. "Bucky, it's me, Steve."

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he replied, raking his eyes over me quickly, no emotion on his stubbled face. My heart hurt at his fast denial, but I knew I couldn't stop trying to reach him now.

"You are," I said, my voice dropping an octave. I cleared my throat. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes and you're my best friend."

He shook his head, trying to clear it. "You're my mission."

"Cap, got anyone who can hold the fort down for me?" Tony said, sounding stressed. "I've got company coming and I'm a little occupied at the moment."

"Clint - Sigma get to Stark," I snapped, not taking my eyes from Bucky. "He's going to need cover to finish getting Evans out of cryo." They took off running through the maze; Jarvis would guide them to Tony.

Bucky took a step forward and threw a punch with his left. I braced my legs and brought my shield up to block, the force of his blow reminding me of what I felt when Thor's hammer hit my shield. I shoved him back, aware of the knife he still held.

"Copy that; I'll head for Tony instead. Try for cognitive recalibration, Cap." Clint said, and I smiled at that memory. Hitting him really hard in the head had worked to get Loki out of Clint's head last year. Maybe it would work for Bucky, too. "It's bad enough he's the Soldier again – who knows what will happen if you reset him – provided that word even works anymore."

"I'll see what I can do," I said, hitting Bucky back as hard as I could with a series of punches and knocking the knife from his hand. He matched me blow for blow, neither of us getting the upper hand. I kicked him back hard enough for him to dent the concrete wall, but he was on his feet again in seconds, coming after me.

"If you can hold him long enough for me to get this sedative in him, we can get him back to Shield," Natasha said, "I need 10 seconds, tops."

"You don't ask for much, do you?" I grumbled as I evaded another blow. After an uppercut to the jaw, I gave up on trying to punch him and went for a different style – containment. I tackled him unexpectedly, getting him to the floor.

Wrapping my slightly longer arms around him, I managed to get him off his feet. I maneuvered my body around him in a modified sleeper hold while I held his cybernetic arm down with my leg. The plating whirred and shifted, trying to reposition itself so he could use it, but he couldn't get it free. The moment he was mostly under my control Natasha was jabbing him in the neck with the syringe, and I felt his body relaxing as the drug started to take effect.

"It's about time, Nat. Thanks." I said as I let go of his limp body and stood up.

"I'll cover you, Steve," Natasha said, picking up my shield. "Get him to the Quinjet and secure him. We don't know who he'll be or what frame of mind he'll be in when he wakes up."

"I wish there was a better way to do this," I said as I tossed Bucky over my shoulder and followed her out of the compound. "Stark, I've got Barnes. Do you have Sarah?"

"I've got Sarah out of cryo now."

"ETA?"

"Heading for the jet now," Tony said.

"The faster we take off, the better," Clint said. "He left them a little present. 5 minutes and counting."

Natasha and I shared a look before picking up the pace. That didn't leave us much time to get out of this rabbit warren of corridors - especially if we met resistance.

"Copy that. We'll meet you there," Natasha said. "And when we get there, we're going to have a little talk about your communication issues, Stark."

"Like giving us a little more warning next time," I added, hoping premature detonation wasn't going to be an issue this time.

 


	36. Return to Me

Sarah's POV

I woke up to cold and pain - more pain than I remembered before everything went dark. I looked up at a familiar face and steel blue eyes as I fought to get my own eyes to focus. Clint. From the corner of my eye, I saw the red and gold of Tony's armor, so I knew he was here, too.

"Don't talk, Sarah," Clint said, sounding a little out of breath. "We're getting you out of here, but you've got a punctured lung. I'll tell you everything when we get to the Quinjet, okay?"

I nodded, relived that the team had found me. The jolting of Clint carrying me was too much and everything went dark again.

*   *

I woke again to bright light - we were _home_. They were carrying me off the Quinjet on the stretcher we kept on board, not even waiting for the medical crew to meet us. I thought I saw James as they were carrying me away, but I wasn't certain my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. I reached out a hand to him, but Sam gently took my hand in his warm one and put it back on me.

"He's here, Sarah," Sam assured me. "He doesn't remember anything yet, though."

I closed my eyes, ignoring the tears that leaked from my eyes. I wasn't sure if they were from relief or frustration - maybe a little of both.

Steve refused to leave my side, holding my hand as we waited for the scans to be done. I could see how worried he'd been.

"I'm sorry, doll. We tried to find you but your trackers didn't show up until a couple days ago. Something about the base was blocking them until you were both closer together again."

"James?" I asked, my voice raspy as I squeezed Steve's hand.

"Don't talk, doll. We found him. He's here, getting tested by Bruce. He's still the Winter Soldier and he doesn't remember anything again. Not even me."

 _Or me. I tried._ I tapped into his hand in Morse code since Steve didn't know sign language very well yet.

"I know you did," he said, leaning down and kissing my forehead. "I sent Sam to get some of his journals and Skye set up a new phone for him with all of his pictures and videos."

 _Mom? Dad?_ I asked.

"They've known since the day you were taken," Steve said, brushing his hand over my cheek lightly. "They're on their way here now. Jace wanted to come but Maria and Natasha vetoed him; they said it wasn't safe right now and there might still be some Hydra sleeper agents."

I nodded agreeing with Maria and Natasha; it would be best for Jace not be seen here in DC for a while because he looked so much like James.

Next came the scans. I knew I wasn't in the greatest shape right now, but I wasn't prepared for how bad it really was. Along with the dehydration, malnourishment from my high metabolism, concussion, broken ribs and punctured lung - all of that I knew about going in - I also had a solid dozen hairline fractures from the beatings, along with some internal bleeding.

The new IUD I'd had put in a week before I was taken was still in place and doing its job, so that was one less thing to worry about. I saw the relief on Steve's face when he heard those results.

 

* * *

Steve's POV

I stayed with Sarah for as long as I could while they prepped her for surgery; one of her broken ribs was so badly splintered the doctors were concerned about more internal damage from the pieces. Tony and Clint joined me in the waiting area shortly after the nurses kicked me out.

"Dr Blake said it would take around an hour; there's a lot of bone fragments in that area and they don't want them floating loose." I told them. 

"It's better than I thought it would be for as bad as she looked when I first saw her," Clint said. "Running with her like that didn't help her out, either."

"Skye found some footage for the team to look at later," Tony said. "Tasha planted a link for her while we were there."

"How's Bucky?"

"Not himself," Clint said, studying me. "He's a completely different person than he was the last time his mind was tinkered with; he wants to be called Bucky now."

"Does he remember anything?"

"Not yet. Tasha's with him; he thinks they're still together again," Clint said reluctantly. "Why don't you go talk to him?"

"I will," I said quietly, leaning forward and putting my head in my hands. "It's just... _hard_...him not remembering. Every time I think we're back to where we should be, something happens and I lose him all over again. How many times am I going to have to lose him before he doesn't come back again?"

"I don't know - hopefully this is the last time," Clint said, clapping me on the back. "Fury's got everyone else on roundup duty. By the time they're done, they won't have a way to control him anymore."

"All their cryo equipment is toast, thanks to that little gift I left them," Tony said with a quirk of his lips before becoming more serious. "No one freezes my baby girl and gets away with it."

A streak of yellow fur came in just then, bee-lining for us. Lucky whimpered and crawled in my lap so he could lick all of our faces, knowing better than to bark.

"I know boy. You missed them, too. Thanks for bringing him, Sam."

"Any time," he said with a grin. "All I had to say was 'Bucky' and he was dancing at the door waiting for me to get the rest of the stuff together. Pepper gave me some clothes for both of them and she'll be up as soon as Archie and Betty's plane gets in."

Lucky made himself comfortable half in my lap, half in Tony's and Tony petted him absently, his phone in his other hand.

"Nat says they're on they're way down," Tony said. "Bruce is done with Bucky for now. God, it's going to be weird remembering to call him that after a couple months of James."

"You mostly call him weird nicknames or just Barnes anyways, Tony. How is that going to be any different?"

 

*       *           *

Winter's POV

I woke up to see that I was physically restrained in a metal and glass cell. My first thought was: _they're afraid of me_. I didn't blame them; I knew how dangerous I was capable of being, but right now I could barely keep my eyes open. Whatever they'd given me was strong enough that my serum couldn't completely fight it off.

I heard the safeties click off of several weapons as the large blond man from earlier approached me slowly, having noticed I was awake. I studied him through the haze the drug gave my vision; he had intense cobalt blue eyes set in a classically handsome face with a firm jaw. His short blond hair was mussed, like he'd run his fingers through it. He was heavily muscled and slightly taller than me. I was aware of other people around me, but the way my cell was designed made it so I couldn't see them.

"Bucky, it's me, Steve," he said in a pleasant baritone. "Do you remember me?"

I closed my eyes, not wanting to answer questions right now. My body ached and my head was pounding; I couldn't focus on what he was saying. The only time I knew I'd seen this man, I'd been fighting him; my orders were to stop the intruders.

"I'll take that as a no, then. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, but I've always known you as Bucky."

I'd heard those names before; the woman my handler had called _Evans_ had said them; she'd mostly called me James. I cracked my eyes open to glance at _Steve_ , listening to what he was saying.

"You're from Brooklyn, New York, but we're currently going to Washington, DC."

I had nothing to say to that; those places meant nothing to me. He talked some more, but I didn't understand half of what he was saying. An unexpected brightness made me open my eyes again and I saw they were unloading my cell from the jet. I could see for miles from up here and I looked around the city, realizing I knew I'd been here before – wherever _here_ was.

Ahead of me, two men were carrying a stretcher. A third man held up a bag of fluids to continue gravity feeding them into whoever was on the stretcher. They turned enough that I got a glimpse of a small, pale brunette woman in a dark suit laying very still and wearing an oxygen mask - the woman from earlier. Her eyes were open and her bruised, beat up face was turned to me. I could see her weakly lift her hand out to me, but a dark skinned man moved closer to her and took it in his own hand briefly before setting it back on the stretcher. I resented him for being in the way - I couldn't see her anymore. 

"What happened to her?" I asked the smaller blond man next to my cell, making an effort to speak English as that was the language everyone was using. He looked at me briefly, studying my face intently before deciding to answer.

"We don't really know yet," he said brusquely.

"Who is she?" I asked. "I know her."

"Her name is Sarah Evans," the blond said. "She's your fiancé."

I looked at him sharply, but there was no trace of humor on his open face – only... _sympathy?_ I had no recollection of asking a woman to marry me; I doubted that I would have been allowed to do so considering I wasn't even given a real name, just Soldier or Winter.

"You aren't yourself right now; you really don't remember any of us?"

"No. You seem familiar, but I know nothing about you."

"I'm Clint Barton," he said with a sigh. "We're taking you down for a scan and testing. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time you've lost your memory."

I fought to stay conscious as we entered an elevator and then exited it on an interior floor. Everything about this place seemed familiar and I wished I knew why. We stopped in a room that was clearly a lab of some sort, but there was none of the equipment I expected – no cryo chamber or wiping machine.

"Hello James. I'm Dr Bruce Banner," said a calm, dark-haired man in a white coat. He wasn't like the white coats I'd dealt with before - his dark brown eyes were kind. "I hear you've lost your memory again."

"Call me Bucky," I said, deciding that I liked the sound of that better than James.

"All right. Bucky it is. Do you promise not to attack me, Bucky?"

I considered that for a moment, already having sized him and the other man up as opponents. "As long as you do not attack me, yes."

"Fair enough. Clint, will you release Bucky's restraints?"

"Sure thing, Doc," the blond man said, hitting a couple buttons. My limbs were freed and then the front of the pod swiveled out of sight. I almost fell flat on my face, my body not responding properly. The blond caught me, setting me upright and swiftly removing his hands from me.

"Guess that drug's not completely out of your system yet. Sorry about that, but we needed to get you here without harming you any further."

"Can I have you walk over here, Jam-er-Bucky? We're going to see if you're injured and if so to what extent," the doctor said. He looked at me intently. "Are you able to walk?"

I still hadn't moved, but I determined I could walk, as long as I looked down and moved my feet carefully, not really having full control of my motor functions. After taking a couple steps, I was where he'd indicated; it cost me nothing to comply with his requests. A bright light surrounded me briefly before fading.

"Can you remove your shirt, Bucky? I can't scan through the armor in it," the doctor said in an even tone. "I forgot how much reinforcement they put in your armor."

I nodded, moving my hands up to clumsily undo the straps and zipper. I shrugged out of it, feeling a twinge in my side when I moved. The blond – Clint – I reminded myself, held out a hand for my shirt and I handed it to him. The weight must have been more than he anticipated because his arm fell significantly before he compensated for it.

"Forgot how heavy this damn thing is," Clint grunted, setting it aside. "This is worse than my suit's shirt for weight."

"Bucky's also quite a bit larger than you, Clint. More to cover," the doctor said absently, amusement in his tone.

"Yeah, yeah," Clint said, rolling his eyes. "He's as ripped as Steve, I know. Arms straight out, Bucky. God, it's weird calling you that. Last couple times you insisted on James and now you go and switch it up again."

"You talk a lot," I observed, holding my arms straight out so I could be scanned again. The light enveloped me and then faded.

"All done," the doctor said. "Results are on the screen behind you."

"What do the colors mean?" I asked, seeing my form overlaid with a variety of colors. A legend showed up near my feet on the screen. "Oh. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Looks like you have a couple broken ribs, a cracked jaw, a broken arm and a good amount of bruising. Were you in a fight?"

I shrugged. "My mission was to stop the intruders, which included a redheaded woman and a large blond man."

"Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers," Clint said, naming my opponents. "You're lucky it isn't worse. Hitting Cap is like hitting a brick wall."

"I would agree with that assessment," I said, looking down at my hand. The knuckles were split from punching him earlier.

The doctor's voice jolted me out of my thoughts. "Bucky, may I have a small sample of your blood? I need to know if Hydra injected you with anything and if so, what it was."

I frowned. "It is important, yes?"

"Yes. As always, it's your choice, but the sooner the better. Will you allow me to draw your blood?"

I nodded; his request was reasonable.

"Do you wish to remain standing freely, or do you wish to be restrained again so you don't harm anyone?"

I considered that for a moment. "This is something you always ask me, yes?"

"Yes. Things go better when I ask before every step. If you aren't comfortable, you sometimes want Steve or Sarah with you, but they aren't available at the moment, so I would have to use the cell's restraints. Clint isn't strong enough to be effective."

"I trust them with my safety or yours?" I asked, confused again. He didn't seem to be afraid of me, so I didn't understand why he was asking me this.

"Your safety. You can't hurt me, Bucky. Do you remember the Hulk?"

I shook my head, unsure what the doctor was talking about. "Is it a weapon you use to make me comply?"

The doctor rubbed his face before sharing a look with Clint.

"Everything we do here is by your choice, Bucky," Clint said. "We never force you to comply. You're our friend and teammate, we trust you to watch our backs on missions. Bruce only asks before drawing your blood because you really don't like needles and you sometimes react badly."

"Oh. You may draw my blood, doctor. I would prefer to stand."

"Thank you, Bucky. I don't need much this time. It you look away, it usually goes better."

I nodded, feeling the cold swipe of an antiseptic wipe on my skin and then a slight pinch. I tensed and my breathing accelerated in anticipation of one of the cocktails entering my system.

Clint snapped his fingers in front of my face, getting my attention. "Buck! Breathe slower for me, okay? In through your nose, hold it, out through your mouth." I did what he said, feeling the tightness in my chest relax. "Again, in through your nose, hold it, out through your mouth. Again."

I felt the needle slide from under my skin and then light pressure. "Hold this here for a moment until it stops bleeding," Bruce said, "All done, Bucky. You did great."

"How long will it take before you know the results?"

"A couple minutes. You can watch the screens if you like. You usually do," he said with a smile. "You like all of this science stuff - at least that's what you told me a while ago."

"I will, if you don't mind. It's amazing - this technology and how much you can do with it these days."

"Do you remember much of before the war?" Clint asked as Bruce walked away to another table with glass pieces on it and some machinery.

"No, I'm just getting general impressions right now," I said, looking around the cluttered lab. Every available surface was covered with equipment and papers. "Where are we?"

"Washington, DC. The Shield Triskelion. Any of that ring a bell?"

I nodded. "The woman told me to come here if I got out of Siberia."

Clint pulled something from his pocket and showed it to me. "This woman?"

It was a photograph of a beautiful, smiling woman with long, curly auburn hair and lovely golden brown eyes wearing a black skin-tight suit. "Yes," I said, tearing my eyes from her. "That's her."

"That's Sarah Evans, who you also might know as Peggy Carter."

"Peggy?" I said quietly, looking around. "Is she here?"

"Pay up, Clint," a familiar female voice said from behind me. "I told you."

Clint pulled his wallet from his pocket with a sigh, taking a green paper out before putting his wallet away. "Damn it, Tasha. How'd you know?"

I turned to look at her, and suddenly realized I knew her – very well. Clint slapped the paper in her hand, grumbling under his breath.

"<Natalia Alianova Romanova,>" I said, approaching her slowly. "<It has been a long time.>"

I reached out my human hand to touch her face lightly, my thumb brushing the soft skin of her cheek. She turned into the caress, pressing a kiss to my palm. I drew her close, claiming her lips with mine. She tasted as good as I remembered and I couldn't get enough of her. Her arms wound around my neck, pulling me closer.

After a sound came from the man beside me, I drew away slowly, holding her emerald eyes with my own. "<I don't care if they punish me for that, Natalia. It was worth it.>" She made a small noise, and I saw the tears in her eyes. "<What's wrong, my little red ballerina?>"

"<Oh James, they really messed with your mind this time, didn't they?>"

"<Why would you say that, darling?>"

"You haven't called me that since September in Kiev. Before that, it's been almost 65 years since you've used that endearment, James."

 

*      *          *

Bucky's POV

As soon as Bruce said he was done with me, I followed Natalia through a hospital into a waiting area. Clint was there, as well as three other men, ones I'd seen earlier today. A medium sized yellow dog ran at me the moment I walked in the door, jumping off the lap of the blond, where he'd been curled up. Natalia stopped me from killing it so I could realize it was friendly, not attacking.

"Hey Buck. This is Lucky, your service dog. If you don't give him attention, he'll just keep doing that," Clint said as the dog put his paws on me and whined. "He's really missed you these past two weeks."

"<Sit,>" I commanded, and the dog promptly plopped on its rear end, mouth open and tongue lolling to the side.

I reached down and patted his head, smiling slightly when he moved so I was rubbing behind his ears. The dog had been waiting for me to lower my face, because he leaped for me, knocking me down back and licking my face happily, his tail going a mile a minute. The others laughed, but it wasn't derisive laughter. I laid there in surprise, not anticipating that from him. My ribs and arm ached from the impact, reminding me they were broken.

"Ow, Lucky! Watch that tail!" Natalia said, giving him a shove off of me. "You know better, mutt. English, James – we're in America."

"Knock it off, dog," I said as I got to my knees. "You're not a puppy." Lucky's response to my tone was to push himself at me until he was as close as possible, his face tucked into my neck, sniffing all over me.

"He thinks he is," Clint said dryly. "This is his normal greeting when he hasn't seen you in a couple days."

"You need to learn manners, dog." I said with a sigh, getting to my feet. 

"Do these men look familiar to you?" Natalia asked. I looked at each one in turn and nodded.

"I've already met Clint," I said. I pointed at the other blond. "You were sent to retrieve me."

"Rescue," the larger blond said. "We came to rescue you, Bucky. You were captured from our vehicle two weeks ago against your will and taken to Siberia along with two other Shield agents."   

"Steve Rogers, your best friend," Natalia murmured to me.

"Steve," I repeated. "Sorry. I don't know you. Never saw you before today."

"You will," Steve said confidently. "You always do. This body isn't the one you remember – I was changed during the war."

I ran my eyes over him again, but nothing came to mind. I shook my head slowly, ready to utter another denial.

"This is Tony Stark, James." Natalia said, indicating a well dressed dark haired man. "You knew his father, Howard a long time ago."

"You look nothing like Howard," I said abruptly; that name meant something, a face came to mind. "Except for your eyes."

"I know," Tony said with a smirk. "Thank God I take more after my mom."

"Howard didn't have a kid when I knew him," I stated suddenly, a thought popping into my head. "Who was your mother? Lorraine?"

Steve started coughing and I looked at him, confused. "No, not Lorraine, Buck," he finally said. "You hated her."

"Who's Lorraine?" Clint asked, looking interested.

"One of Howard's secretaries during the war," Steve said. "A real dish, just not – how do I say this without sounding overly judgmental?"

"Spit it out, Rogers," Tony said, raising an eyebrow arrogantly. "I've never heard of her so she can't have been very important."

"She was a sharecropping charity girl," he said, going red in the face. I smiled, raising an eyebrow myself, but that described the Lorraine I remembered to a 't'.

"What the hell does that mean?" Clint asked, brow furrowing. He and Tony shared a look, but Tony only raised his hands and shrugged.

"Slang, Clint. She wasn't the marrying kind," Natalia said after a moment, a sly grin on her lips. "A girl that got around. Common term now is either whore or slut, but I'm not convinced Steve even knows what those words mean."

Steve's ears were bright red - which I found amusing for some reason - as he refuted Natalia's statement. "I know what they mean, Nat - I just don't care to use them. All I know is that every time I saw her she was kissing someone else, but because she wasn't in the Army, there was nothing they could do about it. She said it was her job to boost morale."

"I thought that was Captain America's job," Tony said with a grin. "She ever kiss you?"

Steve reddened even more - which I hadn't thought was possible - and they all started laughing. "I didn't start it. Still don't know how I could have stopped her – she really got me into some hot water with Peggy."

"So you've kissed a whole three girls in your life, Steve?" the dark skinned man I'd seen earlier said, doubling over in laughter. When he finally got ahold of himself, he stood up and held his hand out to me. "I'm Sam Wilson, Bucky. I'm your therapist. We're friends – most of the time."

I shook his hand. "And the rest of the time?"

"Competitive enemies?" he mused. "What's that word Sarah uses – frenemies?"

"Yup. I'd go with that," Clint deadpanned.

I heard footsteps behind me and pivoted, reaching for a gun I didn't have.

"Easy, Manchurian Candidate. It's just Dr Blake."

"Hello Sergeant Barnes," the smaller ginger haired man in a white coat said quietly. "It's good to see they got you back as well." He put out a hand to me and I shook it carefully, aware of my strength.

"I'm just Bucky."

"Okay. Bucky it is," the doctor said agreeably. He turned to face Steve. "She's just coming out of surgery now. You can see her as soon as she's awake." He glanced down at his computer. "Room 706. Everything's looking good – she's already regaining lung function now that the bone and larger fragments have been removed." He looked up at Steve and then Tony. "They wired her ribs in place so they'll heal properly; I'd like her to stay at least overnight so we can monitor her."

"We'll convince her to stay overnight," Steve said firmly, a determined expression on his face.

"No promises beyond that," Tony added. "You know how she is about hospital stays."

"Thank you, Captain, Mr Stark. I appreciate your cooperation."

"You're welcome, Doctor. We'll make sure she knows-" Steve started saying.

"And stays," Tony finished, glancing at Steve. "What about this guy?" he said, pointing a thumb at me. "He's not a danger to her?"

"No, we don't think so; I talked to Dr Banner already and we agree he's free to go." He turned to face me, meeting my eyes. "Your body has almost finished metabolizing the sedative. We're not sure about the other unidentified substance, but it doesn't seem to have any lasting consequences. No driving today, though. They gave you enough of that sedative to knock out an elephant – and not figuratively. I'm not sure how you're awake already, if I may be frank."

I nodded. That explained why I still felt so tired. "When will my memory come back?" I asked. If he'd talked to Bruce, maybe he knew more now.

The doctor sighed and shook his head. "We don't know," he admitted. "You're a special case, Bucky, but most likely you will start regaining things gradually, like last time."

"Last time?" I asked in surprise.

"Yes, your unexpected reset in November was a minor setback; you regained most of your previous memories within a couple weeks. We can't be sure, of course – we've never seen anything like this, but it shouldn't be a permanent setback for you."

I nodded and turned away from the doctor, walking over to the window to stare outside. I didn't know what to think about all of this. These people had gone halfway across the world to retrieve us and I didn't know anything about them and what I did know wasn't everything. I didn't know how long I stood there before I started at the feel of a large warm hand on my arm, turning to meet a pair of cobalt eyes.

Steve smiled slightly. "It's good to have you back, Buck. I've missed you so much."   

"I don't _know_ you, Steve."

"It's not the first time you've said that, but I hope it's the last. It's okay, Buck."

He pulled me into a hug and I allowed it but didn't reciprocate, leaving my arms at my side. He held me for a long time, and I found myself relaxing into his warmth – the guy was like a heater – and his somehow familiar scent was comforting somehow. It was nice, this affection these people seemed to have for me. Finally he started to let go of me, kissing me on the cheek before he dropped his arms.

"Sarah's waiting to see you," he said quietly as I noticed we were alone now.

Sarah was the woman I'd seen earlier - the same woman I'd fought just before I'd been taken by Steve and Natalia. "I hurt her. She helped me and I hurt her. Why would she want to see me?"

" _You_ didn't hurt her, Buck. The Soldier did because he was ordered to," Steve said firmly, putting a hand on my arm.

"I still did it," I said, looking away from his kind eyes. I didn't deserve the kindness he showed me; I was a monster.

"And what would they have done _to you_ if you hadn't done what they'd ordered?" Steve asked, shifting so I would have to look at him.

 

* * *

Steve's POV

I watched as fear consumed him, a quiet whimper escaping his lips before he clamped his jaw shut, unable to even talk about it. I wished I could take my words back – I was afraid this would be his reaction – he was still the Bucky I knew, deep down.

Lucky butted against our legs, nudging Bucky and lifting a paw to rub his leg. Somehow, he always knew when Bucky needed him the most and I watched him drop down, put his arms around the dog, hiding his eyes from me. The dog licked Bucky's face gently, rubbing his furry face against his, tail going crazy and whacking me in the legs.

I crouched down beside them so I was close to him when Bucky finally lifted his face from the dog's furry neck. "It's okay Bucky, I'm here. Let's go see her, okay?"

"Okay," he said, so quiet I could barely hear him. He hesitated before moving, glancing down at the dog.

"Lucky can come too, you just have to keep a hand on his collar so he can't jump on her - and he'll try to."

"Okay," he said, a little louder this time.

He looked down at the dog and said one word in Russian. Lucky's ears perked up and he promptly went to Bucky's left side, standing at attention. I led the way to Sarah's room, intensely aware of the fleeting glances he kept throwing my way.

"What?" I asked, meeting his eyes briefly before they slid away again.   

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you being nice to me? I tried to kill you today."

"Because I love you, Bucky." He came to an abrupt stop, eyes wide when I turned to face him, and I saw that we were alone in the hallway. "It's okay – you don't have to love me yet, but you will when you remember me." I touched his face gently. "I've loved you for a long, long time – as long as you've loved me."

"What you speak of is illegal," he said harshly, cutting his eyes away from me and taking a small step back so I wasn't touching him anymore.

I shook my head. "It hasn't been illegal for a long time, Buck. Two men or two women can get legally married now. What year is it, Bucky?"

"1948," he said promptly, but there was a hint of uncertainty in his tone.

"It's 2013, actually. You've missed a few things while you were in Siberia," I pointed out, not sure he knew that yet.

"The better part of 60 some years?" He said incredulously, running a hand through his hair and down his neck. "How the hell did that happen?"

"Yeah. We'll talk about it later, okay?" I said in a soothing voice. I could tell he was starting to get worked up again. His emotions were always a little shaky when he lost his memory - Bucky hated being afraid.

 

*         *       *

Bucky's POV

She was already awake when we walked in the hospital room. Steve grabbed Lucky's collar before he could rush past us to get into the room, knowing he wanted to get at her.

"Sit, Lucky," he ordered. "No jumping on her."

The dog whimpered quietly but sat, understanding the order. I picked him up, wrapping both arms around him tightly. He licked at my face as I walked him over to the bed to see the woman looking up at us with a small smile. I struggled to keep the dog from escaping - he _really_ wanted to get to her.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly to her. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

I inspected her closer. She looked so pale; there were dark shadows under her eyes but I couldn't tell if that was because she was tired or if they were bruises – she had an awful lot of them, too.

I felt sick, knowing that I'd hurt her this bad – even if it really hadn't been me doing it. I remembered everything the Soldier had done to her better than I remembered my real name. I turned to leave, not feeling like I deserved to be here, but Steve kept me from going, one arm behind my back.

"Don't go, Buck," he begged.

Her hands moved and it seemed like the motions meant something because Clint was responding.

"Stay here, Barnes. Sarah knows it was the Soldier that hurt her, not you," Clint said. "You were just following orders."

I nodded, not knowing what to say to that and focusing on keeping the dog from getting away. I winced when he kicked my broken ribs, a flash of pain going through me.

" _No_ 'Ria," Clint said, replying to her, "Lucky's _not_ allowed on the bed today – you just got out of surgery." I looked back up at the sound of my name. "Bucky, if you bring him closer, she'll give Lucky some attention and he might stop trying to get to her."

"He hasn't seen her in a while either," Sam said, reminding me her was there. "He's missed you both big time. He'll hardly let Steve out of his sight; I think he's afraid Steve'll leave him, too."

I glanced back at Steve, who nodded. "He even tried to shower with me, sitting there with his nose to the glass the whole time. Tony thought it was hilarious until Lucky did it to him when I was gone on a mission - and somehow managed to get _into_ the shower with him."

Sarah weakly lifted up a hand and I brought Lucky close enough she could pet him. Lucky nuzzled her hand and licked at it, still trying to get down. He whined when it became clear I wasn't letting him go and turned his attention back to me, licking my face some more.

"I don't need a tongue bath, dog." I set him down, taking a moment to wrap my hand around his collar before standing back up. My side was throbbing from the motion, but I ignored it.

"Yeah, you do, Robocop. You reek," Stark said, brushing past me to get closer to her and kissing her forehead. "I have to go now, kitten. Try to get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes, I'm sure he'll bring Pepper, too," Clint said, looking at Tony.

"Of course I will, kitten. She's so relieved you're home again - she was pretty worried about you, too."

"I'm not calling him that," Clint said, raising an eyebrow at her. She only smiled and stuck out her tongue, which made me smile slightly, wondering what she'd said.

Tony apparently understood because he laughed. "Yeah, it would be a little weird for you to call me Papi, Legolas. No offense, but this kid's caused me enough gray hair already in the past year." Tony looked over at the dog. "I'd take Lucky home, but I don't think I'll be able to get him away from either of you right now."

"She says you're worse than she is and even Jarvis agrees with her," Clint said with a chuckle. "Hell, I even agree with her and I've technically known you longer than her."

"Legolas?" I asked Steve, thoroughly confused. "I thought his name was Clint?"

"It is," Steve said, putting his arm around my shoulders easily. I tensed, but didn't shrug him off. "Tony likes to call people by nicknames he comes up with – Legolas is a character from one of your favorite book and movie series, _Lord of the Rings_."

"Oh. How does he know what she wants him to say?" I said, gesturing at Clint.

"She's using sign language," Steve said. "You were doing pretty good at learning it before this last setback."

I studied him for a long moment, but I wasn't picking up anything other than sincerity. "Do you know it?"

"She tends to speak too fast sometimes for me to completely understand, but yeah, a little bit." We looked over at Tony as he walked past us on the way out. "I'll be right back, Buck," Steve said when he let go of me.

"Okay," I said, Lucky trying to take advantage of my momentary distraction to jump on the bed and yanking against my grip. "Sit, dog," I ordered. "You should know better than to jump on people."

"He does, he's just happy to have you both back," Sam said.

"He needs to go if he can't behave," I replied. "I don't want him to hurt her more."

"I'll call Jake or Mike. They can take Lucky home since one of them supposed to be going with Tony anyways."

"Tell Tony to wait a minute while you call them, Sam," Clint said. "You know Lucky doesn't listen to Tony well enough for him to try and take him without a leash."

"Yeah, I'm not really surprised. He's like a big little kid sometimes," Sam said with a grin, pulling out his phone and tapping at it while he headed for the door.

I glanced back at the doorway to see if Steve was still out there, only to witness Stark and Steve hugging, and I looked away quickly, a sharp pain in my chest at the sight. I felt a small hand on my arm and I saw the woman looking at me with concern. She took her hand back and her fingers moved again.

"You don't have anything to worry about, Bucky; they're just friends," Clint said.

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly.

"I mean, the team all knows you, Sarah, and Steve are a thing. Tony's been really worried about you since we found out you were taken."

That confused me. "Why would he worry about me? He doesn't seem to like me very much."

"Sarah's his only daughter, and you and him have an understanding of sorts. You don't hurt her and he doesn't kill you," Clint said, meeting my eyes. I wasn't sure if he was serious or not, but Sarah nodded too, lending credence to his words.

"He should just kill me. It would make things a lot easier," I said guiltily. "I wouldn't keep causing people pain then."

Sarah touched my arm again and shook her head vehemently. "No, James," she said weakly, her voice breathy. "Don't say that!" Lucky tried to crawl up me and I rubbed behind his ears and under his jaw, trying to soothe him by giving him attention.

Tears were running down Sarah's face, but she ignored them. Lucky saw how close he was to her and tried to lick her. She let him for a moment before I grabbed his collar when I felt his muscles bunch for a jump.

"Sit, Lucky," I ordered sternly and the dog promptly plopped down on his haunches, looking up at me with pleading eyes.

"Sarah, don't talk," Clint ordered in the meantime, stepping closer and wiping the rest of her tears away. "You know what the doctor said." He glared up at me, his voice harder. "Don't talk like that, man; you're going to get her all upset again."

"It's the truth. I hurt her – I'm the reason she's here," I said, pointing at the hospital bed. "I deserve whatever punishment I receive."

Her hands moved quickly and his moved as well before he sandwiched her hands between his to stop her from talking. "You can tell him that yourself; tomorrow will be soon enough. He's not going anywhere, are you Bucky?"

I shook my head slightly. "Wasn't planning on it unless someone tells me otherwise. You want me to go, doll?"

She shook her head and then glared at Clint, who let her hands go. She signed something at him and he laughed.

"Sure, I'll bring down one of your tablets. See you in a few," he said, patting me on the back as he passed. "Com'on, Lucky. Heel."

He snapped his fingers and Lucky's ears perked up. He sprang to his feet and went to Clint's left, following him out obediently. I watched them leaving and saw Steve talking to another blond man that was close to his size in build but a little taller. The other man hugged Steve, pounding him on the back and smiling; Steve had his arms around him, too. I felt that pang in my chest again and looked away, my eyes finding Sarah's.

"Do I know him?" I asked Sarah, who nodded. "Well?" She smiled and nodded. "Are we friends?" Another nod. "Does he like Steve?" She shook her head, smiling widely. "I really wish you could talk now," I sighed. "Or that I could remember how to understand your...hand talking, whatever it's called again."

She crooked her finger at me, gesturing for me to come closer. I took one small step closer. She rolled her eyes and gestured again. This time I came up next to her bed, looking directly at her. She reached out a hand, grabbing on to one of my leather straps and pulling me down until our faces were close together.

Her soft lips met mine and I forgot about everything else as I moved my lips gently over hers and I felt like I was home. Nothing else in the world mattered right now because this - _this_ \- was where I belonged. Here, with her.

I pulled away from her slightly when I heard someone entering the room. I turned to see Steve coming in, surprised at the happiness on his face.

"It's so good to have you both back," he said, throwing an arm around me and placing one large hand on Sarah's face. "I missed you both."

 

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**_Thanks for reading! You've reached the end of Hello Sergeant (Bucky Barnes). Steve and Bucky's story will continue in the last book of the series: Hello Agent, _ ** _**which is currently in progress and not yet published yet on Wattpad or AO3.** _

 


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